FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Cheating partner, would you tell them?
Cheating partner, would you tell them?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham? "
Yes I'd absolutely like to know! But if you are the barer of the news, it could come back to bite you on the bum |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham?
Yes I'd absolutely like to know! But if you are the barer of the news, it could come back to bite you on the bum "
This is what concerns me. Everyone likes to shoot the messenger! But i would want to know. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"No....none of my business....
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..  "
I get what you're saying but if it were you that was planning all this big stuff (buying a house and saving for a holiday are serious lifelong commitments) wouldn't you want to know? Can you imagine buying a house with your money then coming home to find him fucking someone off a site? the hassle and legal shit involved in that must surely be a cause for concern. And wouldn't you be mad if you found out later someone knew and didn't say anything? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"no deffo wouldnt say! live and let live i say! takes all types to make the world go round!! let someone e lse tell  "
Yeah i think that kind of thinking is why the world is such a disaster. I'm going to tell her. She doesn't deserve to be tied to a guy who doesn't want her. Wish me luck! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If my girlfriend was doing it to me i would want to know. Wouldn't want to waste anymore time on a relationship that she clearly thinks is a joke. Why waste each others time. And yes i would be grateful to the person who told me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If my girlfriend was doing it to me i would want to know. Wouldn't want to waste anymore time on a relationship that she clearly thinks is a joke. Why waste each others time. And yes i would be grateful to the person who told me."
Thanks. i'm not the relationship type myself but i think people should know if their partner has been lying. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"no deffo wouldnt say! live and let live i say! takes all types to make the world go round!! let someone e lse tell
Yeah i think that kind of thinking is why the world is such a disaster. I'm going to tell her. She doesn't deserve to be tied to a guy who doesn't want her. Wish me luck!"
good luck with it hun xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
Does he know you know? I think you have to give him a ultimatum that if he does not tell her, you will. Then he has a choice, you then act on his actions alone. Or let her know anonymously and if she chooses to act or not then that is her decision. Difficult one. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Does he know you know? I think you have to give him a ultimatum that if he does not tell her, you will. Then he has a choice, you then act on his actions alone. Or let her know anonymously and if she chooses to act or not then that is her decision. Difficult one. "
He would just say sorry then go set up a profile on another site. If he's cheated before he'll cheat again. I told her and sent her the info. she's upset but grateful to know. and she's planning a lovely welcome for him this evening.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham? "
Its a difficult one but if it potentially gets the victim in debt I would probably have to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham?
Its a difficult one but if it potentially gets the victim in debt I would probably have to. "
Yeah i have to say this was the deciding factor for me. A mortgage is serious shit and i couldn't let her tie herself to him financially and legally like that. Hey, she has the option to hear him out and forgive him and still do it but at least i know my conscience is clear. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If it was a friend or family I'd tell coz putting yourself in her position changes the perspective of the question specially if she's thinking marriage and shit..... Good luck with whatever you decide x x x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I'm glad the ladies get where i'm coming from. If it had been some new relationship or if they were just kids i wouldn't have said a word but they're meant to be in a serious relationship and buying a house together. I couldn't see her do it. It's done now anyway. She's sad but she's mad too! You never know, he might confess and apologise and she might take him back but she needed to know so she could make a reasoned decision. Thanks folks!  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Does he know you know? I think you have to give him a ultimatum that if he does not tell her, you will. Then he has a choice, you then act on his actions alone. Or let her know anonymously and if she chooses to act or not then that is her decision. Difficult one.
He would just say sorry then go set up a profile on another site. If he's cheated before he'll cheat again. I told her and sent her the info. she's upset but grateful to know. and she's planning a lovely welcome for him this evening. "
Good on you. No excuse for cheating  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Or they may discuss it and a life of swinging may lay ahead for the both of them.
But IMHO you did the right thing.
There is no point being a friend who will stand by and just let what ever happen.
If you were a stranger then it's different as knowing the in's and out's, fault and blame are more complex.
Not sure whether I would have pointed it out personally or just sent it anonymously. But I probably would have done something. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If my girlfriend was doing it to me i would want to know. Wouldn't want to waste anymore time on a relationship that she clearly thinks is a joke. Why waste each others time. And yes i would be grateful to the person who told me."
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No....none of my business....
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.. "
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No....none of my business....
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun "
I never get this position.
I'm sure if you signed an agreement with someone and they renaged on it, you would not be happy to be the sucker having to stick to your side of it whilst they did as they pleased.
ie I'm sure if you signed up to a deal to buy diamonds, but the other side decided to only give you 50% diamonds, then you would be pretty unhappy to be cheated on the deal.
I'm also sure if you had a friend who knew about it, but decided it's not their place to let you know, well they would not be friends for long. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My ex was caught by a friend of mine coming out of her bedroom early one morning.
She took me for a drink a couple of days later and told me. I was grateful to her, it must have been a hard thing to do, she was in tears telling me. To this day I'm glad she did. I respected her.
He was the idiot, even more so for realising he was busted and thinking he would get away with it!
Ruby x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
It's always best to know. ALWAYS! Trust me I know.
I worry about people who dont want to know.
It is in not better to be with someone who treats you like shIt then to be alone.
Yes it's fucking lonely but hey you can keep your self respect |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham?
Its a difficult one but if it potentially gets the victim in debt I would probably have to.
Yeah i have to say this was the deciding factor for me. A mortgage is serious shit and i couldn't let her tie herself to him financially and legally like that. Hey, she has the option to hear him out and forgive him and still do it but at least i know my conscience is clear."
I wouldn't of shit on my own door step. I'd of backed off end meetings any more contact then say |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I found out my ex partner was cheating with several guys on here! I was working long hours as financially was hard times. She was shagging about. I suspected several times but was only when I came back on here I found her profile!!
Wish I had known as went on for months. And who loses out - our son as I will only see him when I know she is working. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"If you found a guy on here who was claiming to be single but you knew he was in a relationship and pretending to start a life with another woman (engaged, buying a house together, going on holiday together) would you tell the girl? If you were the woman, wouldn't you like to know your relationship was a sham? "
If I found someone cheating on someone I knew I'd tell them, screenshot what I can to back up what I say and let them see the evidence and let them decide what to do. I'd rather do something and it perhaps blow up on me than sit back and have to bite my tongue at partys/weddings etc that way my conscience is clear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"No....none of my business....
People in glass houses shouldn't throw stones..
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun "
there is no reason that makes cheating ok.
Of course you did the right thing op, yes there could of been a bit backlash while your friend was in denial about what was happening, and while she dealt with it, but once its blown over and the dust settled, she would always realise what you did was the right thing, as any poor soul thats been cheated on deserves to know about it, so they can deal with it, even more so when they are looking at things like mortgages. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I found out my ex partner was cheating with several guys on here! I was working long hours as financially was hard times. She was shagging about. I suspected several times but was only when I came back on here I found her profile!!
Wish I had known as went on for months. And who loses out - our son as I will only see him when I know she is working. "
Thats so terrible 
well done OP for making the right decision it takes a lot of balls or lady balls in this case! good for you |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun "
If you're unhappy at home then you BE A MAN! Or woman as the case may be. Running around like a teenager behind your partners back is a cowardly and selfish act. Just because you don't have the balls to tell the truth and either work on your relationship or break up, doesn't give you licence to do as you please. All the excuses might help you sleep at night but you're wrong, cowardly and selfish to cheat on your long term partner no matter how many lies you recite in your head. My friend is still upset about the situation but at least now she knows she was wasting her time and can get back to having fun Thanks to those all those who posted! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun
If you're unhappy at home then you BE A MAN! Or woman as the case may be. Running around like a teenager behind your partners back is a cowardly and selfish act. Just because you don't have the balls to tell the truth and either work on your relationship or break up, doesn't give you licence to do as you please. All the excuses might help you sleep at night but you're wrong, cowardly and selfish to cheat on your long term partner no matter how many lies you recite in your head. My friend is still upset about the situation but at least now she knows she was wasting her time and can get back to having fun Thanks to those all those who posted! "
Saying "be a man" is a totally ignorant thing to say. You don't know peoples situations. For all you know, he may have told her. They may be together knowing about problems with sexuality.
Put yourself in this situation:
You have a young daughter and you feel both parents should be there for her. You have a house together and you are really good friends with your spouse. You love each other but one partner doesn't enjoy sex or has no sex drive.
One partner may have tries to reason with the other about their need for sex but it gets nowhere.
One partner has cheated before and has told the other partner but they are still in love.
This situation can happen and does happen.
X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I would tell them in a heartbeat. There is NO excuse to have sex with other people without your partners knowledge and consent. It is cowardly and ineffectual, devious and selfish. There is no sex in your marriage?? Then talk about it, if you want to stay married find a solution, don't lie to them, make them feel stupid and gullible. Do the right bloody thing and be honest because its the lies and deceit that cut like a knife |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"
Completely agree as no one knows what the circumstances are as if the person is satisfied at home why he or she will see outside for fun
If you're unhappy at home then you BE A MAN! Or woman as the case may be. Running around like a teenager behind your partners back is a cowardly and selfish act. Just because you don't have the balls to tell the truth and either work on your relationship or break up, doesn't give you licence to do as you please. All the excuses might help you sleep at night but you're wrong, cowardly and selfish to cheat on your long term partner no matter how many lies you recite in your head. My friend is still upset about the situation but at least now she knows she was wasting her time and can get back to having fun Thanks to those all those who posted!
Saying "be a man" is a totally ignorant thing to say. You don't know peoples situations. For all you know, he may have told her. They may be together knowing about problems with sexuality.
Put yourself in this situation:
You have a young daughter and you feel both parents should be there for her. You have a house together and you are really good friends with your spouse. You love each other but one partner doesn't enjoy sex or has no sex drive.
One partner may have tries to reason with the other about their need for sex but it gets nowhere.
One partner has cheated before and has told the other partner but they are still in love.
This situation can happen and does happen.
X"
there is no excuse that makes cheating right, butter it up anyway you like, try to justify it, it is wrong in everyway, if you have to lie/sneak around then someone is getting hurt. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
The obvious scenario is to tell, however
I have known of situations where the friend has done that, it's caused a row between the couple who have stayed together and the friend gets it in the neck and disowned for trying to break them up
Some people aren't always grateful so if you do get involved you have to be prepared for things to go any of several ways, it doesn't always end well, although it obviously did in this case |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
