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Want him to swing
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish? |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?"
unless both of you want to do it, it is doomed.
 good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?"
You have to respect his wishes, if it's never then it's never!
Which means more to you? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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well he will have sex with me on cam and I would like him to go to a club, I have said we don't have to play and he is kind of saying he may do ....but I don't want to push him but I do miss playing. so I feel I will have to work on him lol  |
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"well he will have sex with me on cam and I would like him to go to a club, I have said we don't have to play and he is kind of saying he may do ....but I don't want to push him but I do miss playing. so I feel I will have to work on him lol "
You don't want to push him but you will have to work on him  . That's a recipe for disaster. How would you feel if he was "working" on you to take part in a sexual activity you didn't really want? Show the guy a little respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and the Mr joined here together to experience fun and nsa sex, we decided we didnt want to play alone and we both respect that, as soon as one of us says we no longer wants to do it we will stop as our relationship means more..
I understand it must be hard when you are not both wanting the same thing but like many people have said is it really worth falling out over it if it is not what he wants to do xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there's been a little over reaction by some here. After all the guy is happy to go on cams and fuck...and the OP only says he's unsure about full sex wit others...and he also might be open to going to a club with a bit of arm twisting 
The OP also seems reasonably minded about things and is happy to just watch at a club rather than dive in there and have a 'green door' greedy girl moment lol 
I'd say that in most relationships there is one that is leading and one that is following in a whole raft of issues at any one time...and it often swaps too, with the follower quickly becoming the leader and vice versa.
I think, as long as she is sensitive and patient...then the OP might have some success in slowly winning him over to the idea. I might be shot down for suggesting this but perhaps a good way to go about it is to think about what would appeal to him most and do that first...bide your time and wait for your moment to come along later. It might be, for example, that you wouldn't normally be ok with the idea of your man fucking another woman...but in this instance it might be just the carrot you need to get him interested. You might not get to fuck another man in return...but you might win him over to some form of sexual exploration. Maybe a bad idea...dunno...but it could be a way forward for you Good luck  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?"
Yes you are selfish. If a guy made this comment he would get a piece torn off him ( as many have done) you both need to be comfortable in this situation or it will end badly . |
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By *not69Man
over a year ago
Burnley |
"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?
Yes you are selfish. If a guy made this comment he would get a piece torn off him ( as many have done) you both need to be comfortable in this situation or it will end badly . "
Agree with this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men can't coerce women into doing something they aren't comfortable with, so why should women try to do it. If the op's husband wanted to, he would agree to it im sure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think there's been a little over reaction by some here. After all the guy is happy to go on cams and fuck...and the OP only says he's unsure about full sex wit others...and he also might be open to going to a club with a bit of arm twisting
The OP also seems reasonably minded about things and is happy to just watch at a club rather than dive in there and have a 'green door' greedy girl moment lol
I'd say that in most relationships there is one that is leading and one that is following in a whole raft of issues at any one time...and it often swaps too, with the follower quickly becoming the leader and vice versa.
I think, as long as she is sensitive and patient...then the OP might have some success in slowly winning him over to the idea. I might be shot down for suggesting this but perhaps a good way to go about it is to think about what would appeal to him most and do that first...bide your time and wait for your moment to come along later. It might be, for example, that you wouldn't normally be ok with the idea of your man fucking another woman...but in this instance it might be just the carrot you need to get him interested. You might not get to fuck another man in return...but you might win him over to some form of sexual exploration. Maybe a bad idea...dunno...but it could be a way forward for you Good luck "
Would your answer of been the same had it been a man asking the same of a woman?
Everyone has the right to have their wishes respected. You dont know that hes happy to go on cam. Maybe he does it for a quiet life? Just because the op says. Does not make it fact.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?"
What about a bit of pure voyeuristic fun? Another couple in the same room, no swapping but lots of chat, watching and being watched.
It might lead to something more but if not it would be fabulous in its own right
Enjoy |
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I have all too often seen the jealousy of partners in clubs, you can see that they are only doing it to keep their partner happy and it isn't for them
Communication and honesty (you need to be honest with yourself first) is key - does he really want to try but is shy/nervous or is he only trying to please you
No-one but yourselves can answer that and you need work out what you want together
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?
Yes you are selfish. If a guy made this comment he would get a piece torn off him ( as many have done) you both need to be comfortable in this situation or it will end badly .
Agree with this "
Me too. My answer to these type of questions is always the same whatever gender is asking although it rarely a woman.
Discussing your partner in these terms with a _iew to coercing them into a sexual activity they have made it clear they aren't interested is disrespectful at best and potentially abusive at worst. However you dress it up.
Men have a right to say no too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?
Yes you are selfish. If a guy made this comment he would get a piece torn off him ( as many have done) you both need to be comfortable in this situation or it will end badly .
Agree with this "
Me too |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are many different people on this site, who are into many different things. It sounds to me that your husband is an exhibitionist and enjoys it. But that does not make him some one who wants to have sex with others or is happy with you having sex with others. The choice is a simple one, you either go along with what he wants or you leave the relationship and do your own thing. He may in time decide that he wants what you do but only time will tell and it may never happen. If you try and work on or push someone then there is a very high chance that it will blow up in your face and it won't be pretty!
I would suggest that you sit down with him and be honest about what you want and see what he says. Then you can make an open and honest decision about which direction you take.
Good luck
VT x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've just read your profile. And it implies that he likes to meet people and have sex with them?
Confused now!!!"
that coupled with one verification got as soon as they joined the site
something just doesnt seem right.or am i too sceptical? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I've just read your profile. And it implies that he likes to meet people and have sex with them?
Confused now!!!
that coupled with one verification got as soon as they joined the site
something just doesnt seem right.or am i too sceptical?"
Looks like it might be a case of 2+2=5 but might be wrong!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most long term relationships are all about arguments, compromises, communication, forgiveness, etc. It's nice that some people here obviously have an acquiescent quiet marriage...I imagine them talking in unison and always agreeing with each other like something out of the stepford wives. But I think it's a little harsh of them to brandish the rest of us, who experience the daily push and pull of being in a relationship with someone who isn't our identical clone, as being selfish.
I think what this poster is describing, if she isn't a complete fake, is just the usual ins and outs of being in a relationship with a human being who may or may not want to do what you want to do...so you argue about it a little...and you work something out...and you give it a try...whether that's going to an Indian restaurant, backpacking round Morrocco, or trying something new in the bedroom. Of course there needs to be agreement and consent...but imo the OP is describing that process of how most couples come to that place of agreement and consent i.e. through the push and pull and tussle of being together. In my opinion that's more realistic than imagining you're gonna agree on everything and the things you don't agree on you're just gonna drop without arguing it out. Of course you'll argue it out |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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OMG I only said how can I move him forward not make him do it ( I would never do this... I would not marry a man that could not say No) he said maybe and its not that he don't want too its he don't want me too lol he feels that my body should be for him.....if I said you can do it alone he would be right up 4 it ......I just want to let him see that we could both have fun! ha he would be right up 4 it if a f male friend said lets go and I was ok with it. I only asked for help. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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HE said he may give it a go and when I speak to people on chat I tell them that he is new to the couple thing and he has put pics up ......so its not like he so not in to it .......he just needs to move off first base and cam |
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"OMG I only said how can I move him forward not make him do it ( I would never do this... I would not marry a man that could not say No) he said maybe and its not that he don't want too its he don't want me too lol he feels that my body should be for him.....if I said you can do it alone he would be right up 4 it ......I just want to let him see that we could both have fun! ha he would be right up 4 it if a f male friend said lets go and I was ok with it. I only asked for help."
Ok. But that's a bit different to what you said at first and what your profile says. My advice? Step back until the two of you are on the same page. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?"
You said that you've waited 5 years?
So I'm guessing if he isn't into after 5 years he won't be into it!
I would suggest rethinking swinging together as a couple, I would hate for my OH to feel pressured into doing something just because I wanted to do and vice versa!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are not being attacked. You asked for advice and advice is what you have received.
As has already been said, if he is not into it after 5 years then he prob won't be in the next five years time.
Have you thought that he might like the idea of you playing with another guy or a MMF 3'some but doesn't like the idea of being with any other lady but you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Nobody should be pushed into doing anything they don't want to do. It is a simple as that."
I agree ^^
Talking about it is the only way and if the answer is No the No it is, until such time as that person says yes... |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"OMG I only said how can I move him forward not make him do it "
yeah...because pressure will help..... 
he will get there in his own sweet time... and if that is "never" then so be it....
in a way I think this is even more selfish than the original post, because you are not thinking of him... you are thinking of manipulating him for your own advantage...
and yes... if it had been a man who started this... they would have been ripped to shreds.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Mrs N and I disagree a little about the importance of swinging to our relationship. When we started out we had joys of discovering something new and fun for both of us so we did lots of naughty and varied things.
As time has gone on and some of the not so good things have happened to us so she's become pretty ambivalent about it.
Don't get me wrong she still enjoys it when it happens but we do it a lot less frequently than we used to. I am lucky to have lived the lifestyle a little, I thank my lucky stars that I met such a beautiful woman with such a beautiful personality too. That is worth hanging on to. Hopefully you'll be able to reach a bit of a compromise like we have and enjoy some naughty fun now and again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what if it never is? I did play with a ex and I said I would give it up till he is ready that was 5 years ago .....hell that a long wait!
maybe im just selfish?
Yes you are selfish. If a guy made this comment he would get a piece torn off him ( as many have done) you both need to be comfortable in this situation or it will end badly .
Agree with this "
Perhaps cam fun might be as far as he wants to go. Don't force him into something you may both regret. |
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And another post where someone comes to ask for advise and some in the community cant just leave the trolling and abuse alone.........
OP have you considered meeting up with a couple for soft swing only? As someone above mentioned do it on his terms. Whatever he wants to happen do it. Also consider offering him incentives. You will do some stuff that normally you wouldnt ect ect |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you, I can see that maybe I am being selfish, but he has never said no just we will see, so I was asking for help to see if he may go the next step if I was to do it the right way. Im sorry if I have upset people, I just wanted some advise and this site is open for him to go on when ever he likes but to be honest I don't feel he could work around this site yet.....just chat and messages and yes he does know I go on here to chat. we are honest with each other even if some times we disagree. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We started with the intention of swinging full but the wife found it hard to take the last step every time she has an opportunity to go full she always backed away
it caused us no problems as we have great fun doing everything but the final act and were both happy at the level we've reached
We have great fun with other couples and lucky to have found nice (full swing) couples who respect our boundries being soft has never restricted our opportunities to have fun and we always said maybe one day you never know I'd suggest you play to your strengths and maybe in time he will expand his boundaries |
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"Thank you, I can see that maybe I am being selfish, but he has never said no just we will see, so I was asking for help to see if he may go the next step if I was to do it the right way. Im sorry if I have upset people, I just wanted some advise and this site is open for him to go on when ever he likes but to be honest I don't feel he could work around this site yet.....just chat and messages and yes he does know I go on here to chat. we are honest with each other even if some times we disagree. "
"We will see" is a phrase that people often use when they don't want to say no to someone for fear of rocking the boat.
The problem with asking people who don't know either you or him for help in how to go about something is exactly that, none of us know either of you. Of course people can give you ideas and tell you how they went about it but their circumstances and feelings aren't going to be the same as yours.
Good luck to you both I hope you can find a resolution that's good for the two of you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want my husband to swing as I'm really into it. He will chat go on cam but is unsure about the full on sex ......but I so want that."
If he doesn't swing then why do you have a couples profile? Not getting at anything...just a question. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want my husband to swing as I'm really into it. He will chat go on cam but is unsure about the full on sex ......but I so want that.
If he doesn't swing then why do you have a couples profile? Not getting at anything...just a question."
If you read what you've quoted the answer is there, they go on cam together. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I want my husband to swing as I'm really into it. He will chat go on cam but is unsure about the full on sex ......but I so want that."
i wish my wife felt like you! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I really think you noth need to have an open and honest conversation about whag you both want. And then try and then try and find a way forward..
good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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what it does say!! is that I like eye contact and kissing.....which I do and I have done swinging before and gone to many clubs in the past and parties, my husband used his own words and said he wanted to maybe give it a go as he is new to the site as you also see he placed a photo up as well ......now all I was asking was How to move it on as he is shy and unsure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you, I feel that going to a club should be our next step, and then he can see its not about keys being in a big pot, and just having fun and meeting nice people.
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