FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Social first meets

Social first meets

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My wife and I get lots of interest from people claiming they want to meet us, especially couples, but as soon as we start discussing a date to meet they seem to lose interest and fade away, ignoring messages or not even reading them. Is it because we ask for a first social meet and will not play the first time? I find a lot of profiles ask for that so I just wonder how many people actually stick to that rule and wether we are asking too much and wasting our time here.

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By *ackandkateCouple over a year ago

Truro

Judging by your verifications you're doing ok.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Verification's are all but one from people who didn't come back for a second meet

they all said they would but again as soon as we tried to arrange it they were busy on every date offered or just stopped talking to us. If we have had 5 meets we have had 25 people disappear in mid conversation once the social meet rule came up or soon after! As I said especially couples.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I ask for a social meet first and a couple of times the men I've spoken to have lost interest so they get kicked off my friends list. It's your profile and if that's how you want to do things on here, you stick to it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Glad its not just us then. I get the feeling a lot of the people who message us in couples is the guy whose seen the pics and got all excited about them then once they run it by the lady she says no and he cant be bothered to tell us that's the case.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

Quite agree

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

We meet socially only first and never play on a first meet, ever. We never justify this and we have lost contact with people over it but we have also had a very good time with those we have met.

People will say they are happy to met again but if they turn down one date offered without coming up with an alternative we take it that they don't want to meet again and leave it there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think its right to meet socially, I need to know if I can communicate with someone and find common ground/entertainment rather than riusk being a performing seal...haha

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By *renchbambi xWoman over a year ago

Need to know basis

"My wife and I get lots of interest from people claiming they want to meet us, especially couples, but as soon as we start discussing a date to meet they seem to lose interest and fade away, ignoring messages or not even reading them. Is it because we ask for a first social meet and will not play the first time? I find a lot of profiles ask for that so I just wonder how many people actually stick to that rule and wether we are asking too much and wasting our time here.

Always! One exception to the rule is distance

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I agree that distance can be a problem, nobody is going to want to travel half way across the country just to drink coffee and say hi, but in that situation we ask them to come earlier in the day so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play we know if we want to or not, there's never a definite guarantee that your going to want to distance or otherwise so that's a risk any potential meet has to take if they are gonna come from afar

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always do a social meet first, never play on the first meet.

When we meet as a couple we play on the first meet but meet socially first. We meet in a pub so we can all decide if we are happy or not, no pressure.

Either way, if people aren't happy they don't need to meet me/ us. We do often get chatting and people say they want to meet but then fade away. It's not just you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

Quite agree

We also learnt very early on not to rely on veri's either . . .

A journey of well over an hour to what appeared to be a squat, and a guy who appeared to be stoned definitely didn't do it for us. .

Some obviously like that kinda thing. .. .What's good for one as they say . . .

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By *udistnorthantsMan over a year ago

Desborough

I prefer a social meet first, partly to see if they can turn up at the right place at the right time, and also to see if there is a mutual spark that would lead to a play meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Unfortunately some want a guarentee that your going to get jiggy with it straight away. And class it as a waste of time by having a social. BUT you do what ever your comfortable with

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Thats fine if they feel that way they only have to say and we can move on. Im just fed up with tge yes yes yes yes...maybe...silence type chats. Its either that or add us as a friend and we will let you know when we are free, only they never are. Even some single guys have done it, they seem to struggle to get anyone to show any interest then when you do they cant be bothered.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We prefer a social meet but our free time is hugely limited due to babysitter availability and it can take weeks if not a couple of months to be able to arrange a second one.. We are happy however to play on a first meet if everyone clicks... However we never go to a meet with the mindset that we are going to play.....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

Quite agree

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Thats fine if they feel that way they only have to say and we can move on. Im just fed up with tge yes yes yes yes...maybe...silence type chats. Its either that or add us as a friend and we will let you know when we are free, only they never are. Even some single guys have done it, they seem to struggle to get anyone to show any interest then when you do they cant be bothered.

I think a lot of people experience he same behavior on here it annoys me too.

Trying not to be negative but sometimes I feel as though I have take what people say with a pinch of salt on here

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Yeah Ive realised that. Its a shame you would think this is the one place were nobody needs to lie

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If and when we meet couples, we always have a social meet first. It's important that all four of you are happy with one another and that's easier to discuss after a social meet. The dynamics are tricky, if one person isn't happy, it's not going to work.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Exactly. Id hate to have somebody come expecting to play and have to say sorry not gonna happen.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Social first for us too. Although a recent experience with a couple, their kids, and their runaway pet has made me realise that the social needs to be in a more flirtatious setting to be able to tell if there is likely to be any attraction there.

So perhaps if you framed the social less as a means to 'test whether we like you or not' and more as an excuse for some naughty flirting and dirty talk...perhaps that would help lure some out of the shadows.

Otherwise I wouldn't worry about it...you're probably just ing through the fakes and finding the odd genuine people

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have spoke to most of the couples within a 40 mile radius of us, it seems to be getting the timing right for all 4 folk is thee hardest due to kids,work etc and you have two loads of mother nature to time right, it all takes time so try not to take it too personal

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By *issBehavingxxWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

"but in that situation we ask them to come earlier in the day so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play we know if we want to or not"

I will always meet somewhere public first and never had anyone who's had an issue with it.

Are people actually telling you that a social meet is their issue, because TBH your post above would be the reason for lots of potential meets being put off rather than you wanting to meet socially first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Not a big fan of a long social meet, I'm not really wanting to be social, quick chat to check neither of us are nuts, check there's a physical attraction in the flesh. If so, let's finish these drinks and get down to it! But then I have no qualms saying no thanks if the person who shows up doesn't fit what I want.

I'm always amazed when women invite me round never having met me, I know I'm sane and a nice guy, but they don't! If I was a lady I'd always social meet first.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the cause of greater sexual liberation, I'm just wondering whether it could be said that if they turn up and they're even remotely as they've come across via their pics and messages then, at the very least, you will do 'XYZ' together. This might just be letting them watch you...or it might be something even more frivolous like letting them put their hands down your pants...but there's a bit of an erotic carrot there.

I've only been on a few socials but I can already see that a problem with them could be that if you don't get round to breaking the ice, sexually speaking, you may never really know whether there's any sexual chemistry there. On my first social I was a bit naive and asked if I could touch the guy's wife. Afterwards I felt this had been a bit pushy, even though it wasn't really that naughty. However, all my other socials since have just been a good chat over a drink... which is OK for making friends but maybe not such a good way of determining whether there's any sexual intrigue there... and now I'm wondering if being more sexually forward and trying to break that ice is actually quite an important part of a social.

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"but in that situation we ask them to come earlier in the day so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play we know if we want to or not

I will always meet somewhere public first and never had anyone who's had an issue with it.

Yes a few have actually said they WONT do a social and expect to play on the first meet.

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow. We have no family within 100 miles to look after them so there really is no other option.

Which part of the above post do you think might put people off? If they are near enough that popping over for a couple of hours isnt an issue then we ask them to come once the boys are in bed. They are only 2 years and 10 months so dont come down butting in

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"In the cause of greater sexual liberation, I'm just wondering whether it could be said that if they turn up and they're even remotely as they've come across via their pics and messages then, at the very least, you will do 'XYZ' together. This might just be letting them watch you...or it might be something even more frivolous like letting them put their hands down your pants...but there's a bit of an erotic carrot there.

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

We do tell most that if we click my wife will pose for some boob play pics before we leave so they know we are serious but have been told a few times there is no need and they prefer to wait for a full fun meet. But then they fizzle out and dont come at all

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Verification's are all but one from people who didn't come back for a second meet

I think you have a massive sense of entitlement. Maybe after 1 meet they decided that they didn't want to meet you again? Or were genuinely busy on the dates you suggested? And it is the norm for some people that you are chatting to lose interest.

You've had 5 meets in 5 weeks - you are hardly struggling

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Yes a few have actually said they WONT do a social and expect to play on the first meet.

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow. We have no family within 100 miles to look after them so there really is no other option.

If people don;t want socials don;t meet them Why should they change how they meet?

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow. We have no family within 100 miles to look after them so there really is no other option.

I've come to the conclusion that kids are a no no at socials. Socials should be flirtatious moments, imo, that may lead up to sex, even if you're planning on doing that another day. Taking your kids on a social is a bit like taking your granny with you on a date.

We have a little kid and our family is bloomin' miles away. So we're looking into babysitters and child minders. When we turn up we want people to see us sexually and vice versa...not have to hold onto the dirty nappy whilst we grab the baby wipes lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

No sense of entitlement what so ever. Just expectations of honesty. We have NO problem with being told thanks but no thanks. I just dont appreciate somebody saying hey I really want to come back then ignoring us as soon as they have gone. The ones who said they were busy I should have said agreed a date but then were suddennly busy nearer the time and stopped talking before making another date. The only thing I feel entitled to is an honest opinion. We give one and dont lead anyone on and would appreciate the same in return thats all.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button"

Which is why we say once kids are in bed.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"but in that situation we ask them to come earlier in the day so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play we know if we want to or not

I will always meet somewhere public first and never had anyone who's had an issue with it.

Yes a few have actually said they WONT do a social and expect to play on the first meet.

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow. We have no family within 100 miles to look after them so there really is no other option.

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button

Which is why we say once kids are in bed. "

A lot of people are very uncomfortable with this situation though so it might be why they are reluctant to come back.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button

Which is why we say once kids are in bed. "

But not 15 minutes ago you said:

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow. "

Which suggests that you do socials somewhere public.

And personally I would be not go for a social in someones house in the same way that I wouldn't play with kids at home

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here."

I dont feel Ive answered anything otherwise I wouldnt be asking. A lot of people shy away from social meets before the kids are even mentioned. At the end of the day our kids are way more important than this so if it got to the point were nobody will come while they are home this will get knocked on the head before the kids are left with strangers. With all the socials we have had the kids have not once disturbed us. We could have denied we had them and they wouldnt have known. We aint playing in the kids bedrooms so really dont see the issue.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here.

As I said you must do what you are comfortable with and if you don't see an issue that's fine but lots of people will and that's fine too.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button

Which is why we say once kids are in bed.

But not 15 minutes ago you said:

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow.

Which suggests that you do socials somewhere public.

And personally I would be not go for a social in someones house in the same way that I wouldn't play with kids at home

ONE couple wanted to meet in public, they also had kids so we had planned a playdate come social at a local park which was THIER suggestion. Other than that its not been offered or suggested to anybody. If they say pubs or clubs only we politely decline.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here.

As I said you must do what you are comfortable with and if you don't see an issue that's fine but lots of people will and that's fine too."

It certainly is fine. But would it hurt them to say thats the case rather than feign interest then just stop talking??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

To be honest Im happy for first meet to be social and/or sexual... most important thing is that both parties are comfortable. I think some guys are scared that if the first meet is social it may never progress to sex, but we're all adults and it is either parties right to say no thanks.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Everyone has to do what's right for them, as a single or a couple. Not what anyone else says

Always be true to yourselves

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

And suggesting meeting for a social with kids in toe would have us reaching for the block button

Which is why we say once kids are in bed.

But not 15 minutes ago you said:

Meeting somewhere in public means meeting in a child friendly location with the two kids in tow.

Which suggests that you do socials somewhere public.

And personally I would be not go for a social in someones house in the same way that I wouldn't play with kids at home

And it's your right to decline. But you also have to accept that others have that right too

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"To be honest Im happy for first meet to be social and/or sexual... most important thing is that both parties are comfortable. I think some guys are scared that if the first meet is social it may never progress to sex, but we're all adults and it is either parties right to say no thanks. "

EXACTLY my wife would hate for some guy to come on a promise of sex only to have to send them away disappointed because he didnt float her boat. Or have somebody reject her on the spot for the same reason. We both feel its far better to have that no expectation meet first then decide.

The ones who dont come back after a meet bother us far less than the ones who message over and over with great enthusiasm. Add you as a friend talk about arranging a meet and then.....nothing. Thats the issue we have way more than anything.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here.

As I said you must do what you are comfortable with and if you don't see an issue that's fine but lots of people will and that's fine too.

It certainly is fine. But would it hurt them to say thats the case rather than feign interest then just stop talking??"

No it wouldn't but people find it difficult to be truthful on certain situations...some people anyway and it's then that you need to interpret the signs. Being unavailable on every date suggested or not replying are two sure signs of lack of further interest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always ask for a social meet first, which guys accept as nothing else would happen anyway. I want to see someone before anything else. I once met a guy who was clearly 20 yr older than his profile picture!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

And it's your right to decline. But you also have to accept that others have that right too"

Clearly and obviously. I totally respect a no thank you. Its the sudden ignorant silence that bugs us.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"I always ask for a social meet first, which guys accept as nothing else would happen anyway. I want to see someone before anything else. I once met a guy who was clearly 20 yr older than his profile picture! "

This happens a lot, it does make me laugh no one would buy a twenty year old car based on a photo from when it was new

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You must do what you feel comfortable with of course but you might have answered your own question here.

As I said you must do what you are comfortable with and if you don't see an issue that's fine but lots of people will and that's fine too.

It certainly is fine. But would it hurt them to say thats the case rather than feign interest then just stop talking??

And when either happens I walk away not harass or pester. Im just trying to find why it happens so often by talking to you guys. So far us having kids is the only feasible answer.

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By *issBehavingxxWoman over a year ago

Glasgow

Which part of the above post do you think might put people off?"

"so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play"

That part. A lot of people simply wont play when children are in the house, regardless of their age.

If I went to someones home for a meet and found out there were children there I would leave.

If they said in advance I would decline to meet them

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

My profile states social meet first, not negotiable. And it is not negotiable however, the social might last an hour or all evening, depends on how we get on; how horny I feel; how far we /he/I have travelled; how long we have been chatting and exchanging messages.

I reserve the right to change my mind and say 'No thanks' or 'Your place or mine?' on the day. Is that wrong? People change their minds all the time and there is no point stressing over it. If they say they want to meet again and never bother, so what? There is no contractual obligation and maybe, if they don't come back, they got home and thought better of it. Who knows?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/07/14 16:48:09]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Which part of the above post do you think might put people off?

so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play

That part. A lot of people simply wont play when children are in the house, regardless of their age.

If I went to someones home for a meet and found out there were children there I would leave.

If they said in advance I would decline to meet them"

Ok that's cool and your preference, we certainly don't lie to people and tell them before arranging a meet because its the main reason our times of availability are so limited but nobody has yet said sorry we aren't gonna come with children in the house.

We have two rottwiellers, one person said no due to them lol, but the kids have yet to be declared an issue by anybody we have spoken to. Do you think people might be shy or uneasy about saying thats why??

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"My profile states social meet first, not negotiable. And it is not negotiable however, the social might last an hour or all evening, depends on how we get on; how horny I feel; how far we /he/I have travelled; how long we have been chatting and exchanging messages.

Once they thought better of it, could they not just say, sorry not gonna come back, would that hurt? Is a little common courtesy so much to ask for??

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Once they thought better of it, could they not just say, sorry not gonna come back, would that hurt? Is a little common courtesy so much to ask for??"

It would not hurt and there are those who are nice enough to do it without being rude. I guess that some people are just scared to say 'no thanks' You must have seen all the posts on here from people who have been attacked for rejecting prospective partners? I sometimes get 'Well, why don't you want me' replies and it is not always easy to answer them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I agree that distance can be a problem, nobody is going to want to travel half way across the country just to drink coffee and say hi, but in that situation we ask them to come earlier in the day so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play we know if we want to or not, there's never a definite guarantee that your going to want to distance or otherwise so that's a risk any potential meet has to take if they are gonna come from afar

Someone may have already asked this but do you make it clear from the outset that you play with your kids in the house? It's a massive non starter for us and lots of the people we know so if it ended up coming up halfway through arranging to meet up, we'd withdraw from conversation but would tell you the reason...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

lol yeah we have had a couple didnt like taking no for an answer

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If they show any interest we make it clear thats the case, that they will be in bed, how young they are and that we do not have babysitters or family, and as I said earlier, not once has anybody ever said "in that case no thanks" they have all seemed to just accept it and had no problem with it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Which part of the above post do you think might put people off?

so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play

That part. A lot of people simply wont play when children are in the house, regardless of their age.

If I went to someones home for a meet and found out there were children there I would leave.

If they said in advance I would decline to meet them"

Ooops...yeah they did...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Which part of the above post do you think might put people off?

so by the time the babies go to bed and we can play

That part. A lot of people simply wont play when children are in the house, regardless of their age.

If I went to someones home for a meet and found out there were children there I would leave.

If they said in advance I would decline to meet them

Ooops...yeah they did..."

lol its ok I dont mind answering you aswell, like I said nobody has ever declared it an issue, if it is an issue for people and they said so I would have no problem with that, we aint putting guns to anybodys head.

Im actually talking to a couple at the moment that simply checked the kids would be put to bed before they arrived and that was fine with them (at least so they say at the moment) but I wont be surprised if they suddenly go quiet as its been like that sooner or later with all the couples we chat with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

You'll pose for boob play pictures on a social with your children there?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

You'll pose for boob play pictures on a social with your children there? "

The children would be IN BED we have socials at the same time as fun meets whenever possible, if the social was during the day then NO of course we wouldnt!!!

NOTHING happens while the kids are around not even dirty talk! Thats why we try to stick to evenings only and only bend that rule in very exceptional circumstances like the couple who also have kids!

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By *ENDAROOSCouple over a year ago

South West London / Surrey

Different things work for different people! Its just a case of finding those that match your approach.

Some people meet socially first and some don't. No one is right or wrong...

Maybe you said something that put them off or they just changed their mind about meeting.

We don't have a set way of meeting except no clubs or large pay parties. Sometimes we meet socially first and other times we won't.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Maybe you said something that put them off

Thats what I keep thinking

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

OP you don't seem to be struggling for meets at all, 5 meets in 5 weeks is pretty good going.

We always have a social first and if we click we are happy to play straight away.

Maybe potential meets aren't comfortable with the fact there will be young kids in the house, maybe those that you have met don't do repeat meets?

You seem to be doing alright at the moment

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

You'll pose for boob play pictures on a social with your children there?

The children would be IN BED we have socials at the same time as fun meets whenever possible, if the social was during the day then NO of course we wouldnt!!!

NOTHING happens while the kids are around not even dirty talk! Thats why we try to stick to evenings only and only bend that rule in very exceptional circumstances like the couple who also have kids!"

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"OP you don't seem to be struggling for meets at all, 5 meets in 5 weeks is pretty good going.

We always have a social first and if we click we are happy to play straight away.

Maybe potential meets aren't comfortable with the fact there will be young kids in the house, maybe those that you have met don't do repeat meets?

You seem to be doing alright at the moment "

5 meets, 4 of which were social and the 5th was one of the 4 who actually came back for a return visit! Its not as good as it seems! We've had two others come for social meets who have not even bothered to verify us, one is due to come back next week but hasn't spoken to us since the social meet, the other said give him some dates we are available and he will run them by his and get back to us, but hasn't bothered. The three of the 4 meets who did verify us but didn't come back were all by their choice in that they all suddenly stopped talking to us, nobody has ever said sorry you were not what I wanted, they all made out they couldn't wait for a return visit. Just seems a shame people cant be more honest or give a straight reason.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

If someone tried to touch me on a social meet, or tried to keep steering the conversation round to sex chat, they'd be blocked before I even got home. Very creepy.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

Well as they are 10 months and 2 years and both in cots they are hardly going to come downstairs, plus I dont play Im the camera man as stated in our profile, so if they wake and need attention, I go to them and the rest can carry on!!

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

If someone tried to touch me on a social meet, or tried to keep steering the conversation round to sex chat, they'd be blocked before I even got home. Very creepy.

I can understand that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It'd be interesting to hear your thoughts

You'll pose for boob play pictures on a social with your children there?

The children would be IN BED we have socials at the same time as fun meets whenever possible, if the social was during the day then NO of course we wouldnt!!!

NOTHING happens while the kids are around not even dirty talk! Thats why we try to stick to evenings only and only bend that rule in very exceptional circumstances like the couple who also have kids!

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP you don't seem to be struggling for meets at all, 5 meets in 5 weeks is pretty good going.

We always have a social first and if we click we are happy to play straight away.

Maybe potential meets aren't comfortable with the fact there will be young kids in the house, maybe those that you have met don't do repeat meets?

You seem to be doing alright at the moment

You're getting very close to naming and shaming here...All of those people you're talking about openly on the public forum can be clearly identified from your verifications.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

A 2 year old could hear what's going on downstairs.

I certainly wouldn't let a stranger loose in the house... say to go to the bathroom.... past the kid's room...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 13/07/14 17:58:03]

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

A 2 year old could hear what's going on downstairs.

I certainly wouldn't let a stranger loose in the house... say to go to the bathroom.... past the kid's room... "

They have no need to go upstairs here, and I'm very sure a 2 year old wouldn't understand what they were hearing lol if they would then maybe my wife and I should be celibate till hes older after all he might hear us lol

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

You're getting very close to naming and shaming here...All of those people you're talking about openly on the public forum can be clearly identified from your verifications."

No they cant

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

A 2 year old could hear what's going on downstairs.

I certainly wouldn't let a stranger loose in the house... say to go to the bathroom.... past the kid's room...

I think many people here appreciate the difference between a child accidentally overhearing their parents having sex and overhearing mummy getting spit roasted by Daddy and a stranger downstairs...

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I would never meet anyone with their kids in the same house, in bed or not. What if they wake up? The mind boggles.

A 2 year old could hear what's going on downstairs.

I certainly wouldn't let a stranger loose in the house... say to go to the bathroom.... past the kid's room...

I think many people here appreciate the difference between a child accidentally overhearing their parents having sex and overhearing mummy getting spit roasted by Daddy and a stranger downstairs..."

But a 2 year old wouldnt thats my point!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

You're getting very close to naming and shaming here...All of those people you're talking about openly on the public forum can be clearly identified from your verifications.

No they cant

They could before you hid your veris!

OP if they haven't contacted you, have you tried to contact them?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I always ask for a social meet first. No one has said no yet but after that, no fun has been arranged

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" have you tried to contact them? "

With each one we exchanged the "nice meet look forward to the next" messages, I've then said how about this date or that, they have either read and deleted the message, read and not replied, or one didn't even read it despite being online 3 or 4 times during the day. So no I've not bombarded them with more saying well come on answer me damn you lol, if they don't want to reply I assume they don't want to know and leave them be. Like I said at the start I just wondered if it was something I was doing wrong, were they disappointed that nothing had happened at the first meet. They were told it wouldn't, but did they still expect it to and left annoyed because it didn't??

All I was asking for was any theories you guys might have.

The child theory works for those who dont even come for the first meet although they claim its not an issue when talking, but the ones who came, knew the kids would be in bed before they came, were in no way disturbed by them while here, so I dont see that being the issue.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When we first started out our kids were much younger. . And we often struggled for babysitters etc . . The thought crossed our minds about 'playing at home" whilst they were asleep. .

Those nights when you know you have someone you could call/text and the beers probably flowed just a little too much

We didn't and never would have. . It's just wrong!

My opinion I know . . .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"When we first started out our kids were much younger. . And we often struggled for babysitters etc . . The thought crossed our minds about 'playing at home" whilst they were asleep. .

Those nights when you know you have someone you could call/text and the beers probably flowed just a little too much

We didn't and never would have. . It's just wrong!

My opinion I know . . . "

I totally respect that honestly I do, but for one thing we dont drink so our meets are never d*unken free for alls and as I said I dont actually play so Im always there for the kids if needs be without anyone getting disturbed mid flow :D

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" have you tried to contact them?

All I was asking for was any theories you guys might have.

But perhaps they were just telling you what you wanted to hear?

Some people don't find it easy to say "sorry I don't want to meet again"

Some like variety so are not interested in repeat meets!

There's various reasons!

Don't let it worry you, just carry on doing what works for you

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" have you tried to contact them?

With each one we exchanged the "nice meet look forward to the next" messages, I've then said how about this date or that, they have either read and deleted the message, read and not replied, or ones didn't even read it despite being online 3 or 4 times during the day. So no I've not bombarded them with more saying well come on answer me damn you lol, if they don't want to reply I assume they don't want to know and leave them be. Like I said at the start I just wondered if it was something I was doing wrong, were they disappointed that nothing had happened at the first meet. They were told it wouldn't, but did they still expect it to and left annoyed because it didn't??

All I was asking for was any theories you guys might have.

I'm guessing from what I've read so far 'the child issue' is bigger than you think . .

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I'm guessing from what I've read so far 'the child issue' is bigger than you think . . "

You may well be right. But I would have thought if it was that big an issue plenty of people would be happy to say so when chatting to us. Oh well..

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We have spoke to most of the couples within a 40 mile radius of us, it seems to be getting the timing right for all 4 folk is thee hardest due to kids,work etc and you have two loads of mother nature to time right, it all takes time so try not to take it too personal

Exactly the problem we have!!!!!

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By *irtyAndCh33kyCouple over a year ago

North Wales

A meet with children around would be a definite no for us as would playing while there are children in the house

I would think that is why people may be put off...we do social meets and it's never been an issue for us.

Mrs Dirty

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

But it probably is the issue if they later disappear. We would never meet people who brought their kids along or go back to their place if the kids would be there.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

This... it is accurate. There are a lot of fantasist here and you can't change that so don't get disheartened by the ones that fall away. Social meets are never a bad thing on my opinion and if you want to be sure of people turning up get yourself to one of the clubs on a social night.. full of like minded people a d lots of fun

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Cant do clubs for the same reason we have to have kids at home. No local family and we wont leave kids with strangers. Incidently we spoke to a couple last night we are planning a meet with and brought this up. They said they are our children and there for our responsibility so if we are ok with it so are they. After all they know I dont play so if one of them wakes or needs anything I can go and sort them leaving everyone else to carry on without being disturbed. If its an issue for some then they can move onto the next person and at least Ill know thats what it is and not me or the wife thats an issue

I certainly do NOT believe or accept we are doing anything wrong. But thank you for all your input

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By *eliciouslyNastyMan over a year ago

London

That's a great point... I have a shit radar and if it's looks like friends, sounds like friends, then it's friends... Forever!

Hard to imagine getting "nasty" with your friends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We would like to meet socially before anything else as an initial (mutual) attraction is very important to us.

If they can hold a conversation, have a laugh and not take themselves or the situation too seriously then a social meet is perfect for breaking the ice.

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By *litterbabeWoman over a year ago

hiding from cock pics.

My first meet is always social only, that's why I meet locally only... Not worth anyone travelling to far for a pint!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think that those who have met you for a social meet and have said they would like to meet for a play meet found it easier to say that rather than saying "sorry but we don't wish to meet to play".

That could be because they are unhappy about children being in the house or they simply didn't like you enough to play with you.

Harsh i know bit it happens !

I do think your profile comes across as sort of aggresive and maybe that how you come over in real life and that has put people off actually wanting to play ?

Good luck anyway x

ps I know our profile comes across as aggresive too but we word it that way to make sure we only meet people who fit what we look for

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By *andm288Couple over a year ago

oxford

"We would like to meet socially before anything else as an initial (mutual) attraction is very important to us.

If they can hold a conversation, have a laugh and not take themselves or the situation too seriously then a social meet is perfect for breaking the ice.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I do think your profile comes across as sort of aggresive and maybe that how you come over in real life and that has put people off actually wanting to play ?

Good luck anyway x

ps I know our profile comes across as aggresive too but we word it that way to make sure we only meet people who fit what we look for

I accept ours does but like you thats to out the ones who are wasting thier time contacting us anyway. Face to face neither my wife or I are at all aggressive as our verifications prove. We are totally laid back and just have a laugh and joke with anyone whose come. One was gonna come back with his female fb we chatted to her on here and him for a few days after the meet then suddennly they both started ignoring us.. That was a strange one. Even if she said no he could have come back alone as he had been on the social.. Nevermind.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We like a social meet but are not against playing on a first meet either it really depends on how you get along when you meet as nothing is set in stone and you may just not get on. If someone was insisting no matter on playing on first meet we would probably decline.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I do think your profile comes across as sort of aggresive and maybe that how you come over in real life and that has put people off actually wanting to play ?

Good luck anyway x

ps I know our profile comes across as aggresive too but we word it that way to make sure we only meet people who fit what we look for

We often get into conversations with people who arrange to meet us then stop talking, we have no idea why, maybe they change their minds, maybe we say something they don't like, maybe their partner discovers they've arranged a met without telling them about it...there are a million and one reasons but we just smile and move on....it honestly isn't worth wasting time and brain power on.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Its inspired one hell of a thread though lol

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Its inspired one hell of a thread though lol"

Lol! It sure did.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We have no problem with social meets most couples want the same. But we like socials in a neutral location and we won't meet people with kids in the house. Get a babysitter and a hotel.

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By *D40Couple over a year ago

Wolverhampton

We like to meet socially before deciding if we want to play. Only on one occasion did we play first date but then my OH had played with one of the other couple a few years ago in a different lifetime. If all parties agree before the meet it's a drink only & then decide to play later that's perfectly understandable.

I have to say i wouldn't play with you though because you've just mentioned 'babies in bed'. I couldn't meet with someone who had kids in the house, asleep or not! Just my choice.

Julie x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Its inspired one hell of a thread though lol"

I think it's good. Sounds like lots of people have issues with people fading away and not meeting. We thought it was something we were doing wrong. But lots of people have the same so it's just one of those things.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

" Get a babysitter and a hotel. "

Can barely afford the rent nevermind a hotel and would never leave our kids with strangers. So if them being upstairs means some people wont come so be it. Others will

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

" Get a babysitter and a hotel.

Can barely afford the rent nevermind a hotel and would never leave our kids with strangers. So if them being upstairs means some people wont come so be it. Others will

But you'll invite complete strangers off the internet to come to your house to have sex with you while they're in bed? Your logic astounds me but it's your choice I suppose.,

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Complete strangers who dont get to meet or go anywhere near my children. Who we have a social with first so by the time we actually have a fun meet we have got to know a bit through that social and chatting. You act like Im inviting Jimmy Saville over and telling him straight up the stairs to the nursery... I can understand caution but assuming blatant stupidity or child endangerment on my part where there is no such element is completely over the top unfounded and ridiculous.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

"Complete strangers who dont get to meet or go anywhere near my children. Who we have a social with first so by the time we actually have a fun meet we have got to know a bit through that social and chatting. You act like Im inviting Jimmy Saville over and telling him straight up the stairs to the nursery... I can understand caution but assuming blatant stupidity or child endangerment on my part where there is no such element is completely over the top unfounded and ridiculous."

I'm not questioning the way you play at all, it is as you rightly say absolutely your decision. However I do question your assumption that you can tell if someone is a danger to your children or not, the point about a lot of abusers is that no one ever assumes that they are. You have now made it clear that you have two small children who will be upstairs....is your bathroom upstairs, do you accompany meets up to the loo?

I know that you never intended this to become a topic for discussion here so feel free to ignore.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"We like to meet for a social, for that reason. . . It s the fakers out

It helps you figure out whether you're truly attracted to them as well. Looks AND personality are important.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I know that you never intended this to become a topic for discussion here so feel free to ignore. "

No thats fine. The loo is downstairs and we have two rottwiellers who have a habit of following everyone upstairs so anyone trying to sneak up would fail. Besides we would see them on the stairs as they are right outside the living room door so would be instantly questioned as to where they were going as they have no reason to be going up. If there was ANY risk to my kids trust me, we wouldnt be doing this. Its your idea that others wont want kids there that confuses me. Older kids who might interrupt I get. But two babies, out of sight, with a non playing adult to go to them if needs be... Sorry I dont see the problem.

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

I know that you never intended this to become a topic for discussion here so feel free to ignore.

It isn't just my idea, lots of people feel the same way but not everyone and its those people that you will be meeting so its all good.

My "kids" are in their twenties and I definitely wouldn't be entertaining with them at home

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My "kids" are in their twenties and I definitely wouldn't be entertaining with them at home

We have three older kids, 7, 12 and 14 they goto their dads every other week which is the only time we play. We dont even have socials when the other 3 are here. Once the babies are older we may look into a babysitter but it would have to be a friend not a paid sitter/minder. I had a step son from my first marriage who was abused by the husband of a social services approved childminder hence my reluctance to trust such people again!

I did mean I dont understand the problem ANYONE has with it not just you. But like every other thing some people dont go along with, if they dont like it they shouldnt come. But then they shouldnt message me feigning interest in the first place its right there in my profile its not a secret they might not know all they need to do is read the profile and if its an issue MOVE ON. Thats were I have the issue, the ones who chat knowing they will never want to meet. If all I wanted to do was chat Id join a yahoo group lol

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By *lay4RealCouple over a year ago

London

"Social first for us too. Although a recent experience with a couple, their kids, and their runaway pet has made me realise that the social needs to be in a more flirtatious setting "
...

We interested in this..what happened??

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