FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Is this normal or is it me?
Is this normal or is it me?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey guys n girls. We just recently got into the swinging lifestyle which we enjoy. The thing is when we start talking to couples and make an arrangement to meet or whatnot the guy starts telling my mrs what he wants to do to her through numerous messages so there is a lead up for her and she getting attention to make her feel good. My prob is maybe in the initial message we will get you are both a hot couple but then no dirty talk from the female to me so im finding it hard to get excited about the meet and feeling a bit left out. I need some attention as well to build it up for me. As can not go into it cold. So my question is this. Is this a normal thing that usually goes on or is it me?
Like I said we are pretty new to this scene so any advice would gladly appreciate. Thankyou. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
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We never ever allow communication between just one half of each couple. I think you are getting more than your share of men pretending to be couples.
I suggest that your wife refuses to enter into these exchanges, you make it clear from the start that it's four way or no way and that you try and find out early on that you are talking to a genuine couple not s single guy.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks guys but these are genuine couples we have been exchanging messages with and are going to meet that's why I asked if it a normal thing once you have decided that are meeting. I understand a female is always going to be more desirable but im not talking to the other guys mrs telling them naughty things. Can usually tell the single ones a mile of with there opening lines. |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
"Thanks guys but these are genuine couples we have been exchanging messages with and are going to meet that's why I asked if it a normal thing once you have decided that are meeting. I understand a female is always going to be more desirable but im not talking to the other guys mrs telling them naughty things. Can usually tell the single ones a mile of with there opening lines."
Arranging a meet sadly doesn't always mean they are genuine. I've met with a "couple" from here a long time back, and it was actually a single guy turned up - gave me a sob story about his wife leaving him 6 months previously and asked if I'd still play. (He's since left the site) but most just will not show.
I don't do dirty talk on fab at all. I don't find it a build up, I find it silly. Whats the point before you have even met - there may be no physical spark or chemistry when you are in the same space. I do find it sorts out who is genuine and who isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They are verified by numerous couples so is no doubt there and we are always careful with that as had some nice ppl on here gives us some advice what to watch out for. We also do the fem to fem verification on phone to filter out any single males trying there luck. Perhaps im just too considerate lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks guys but these are genuine couples we have been exchanging messages with and are going to meet that's why I asked if it a normal thing once you have decided that are meeting. I understand a female is always going to be more desirable but im not talking to the other guys mrs telling them naughty things. Can usually tell the single ones a mile of with there opening lines."
Saying that yoi are a couple that are going to meet and being genuine can be 2 very different things.
But regardless you ckearly aren't happy with the way the conversation is going so end it
We wouldn't meet a couple who felt crystal was more desirable. We are a couple and they need to be interested in both of us otherwise they can go find a single female to play woth. We will never be the easy option for a couple that can't find a single bi female
Find a couple interested in BOTH of you. |
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
"
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I think it's very easy when you start out to think there are swinging rules that need to be adhered to and it can be daunting because you don't want to come across as prudish or not up for fun. But the only rules that apply are honesty, respect and mutual consent, if you feel that you aren't being given any if these you are entitled in my opinion to say so. The way you want to play things is right for you, don't allow anyone to make you change that unless YOU BOTH want to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Cheers all for the advice. Am finally able to talk to the female on her own profile and she told me all she knows is we meeting etc but not seen his messages and he can go a lil ott. So I think it a case of why the mrs not looking lets chat dirty to another female. Which im not really like. |
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"Cheers all for the advice. Am finally able to talk to the female on her own profile and she told me all she knows is we meeting etc but not seen his messages and he can go a lil ott. So I think it a case of why the mrs not looking lets chat dirty to another female. Which im not really like."
This would ring huge warning bells with us  .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
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Yes thats the way to go, and a good chance its a single man |
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"Thanks guys but these are genuine couples we have been exchanging messages with and are going to meet that's why I asked if it a normal thing once you have decided that are meeting. I understand a female is always going to be more desirable but im not talking to the other guys mrs telling them naughty things. Can usually tell the single ones a mile of with there opening lines."
So the other couples male is putting in the effort and attention to the female
And u want the other female to do likewise with u?
So basically they have both to initiate and amuse you both?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
"
^ what he said
Dirty talk on fab is one of our biggest turn offs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Surely the safest thing to do, is have the two ladies chat on the phone and/or all four chat via webcam, before meeting?"
How does that stop tgw male half if one couple trying to initiate cyber with the female half of the other couple via pm? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
Yes thats the way to go, and a good chance its a single man"
Actually that's not necessarily the case, the worst offender we've ever had for this was the male half of a couple we'd met at a club |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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There is no doubt it a single man is definitely a couple just to make that clear otherwise would not bother me as know they wont be getting anywhere with us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a complex issue. I've found that a little bit of erotic talk can go a long way with some of the people I've connected with. But I don't tend to go there unless the discussion warrants it or the person's profile makes it clear they like it. As a lyric writer, I get great joy from putting together erotic messages... picking the right words... and trying to create a steamy mood. But I think enough people are sensitive about this to make it something you need to ask about and test the waters before you jump in. Despite some people saying they like it dirty, people are often put off if you go too far so it's best to stay sensual and erotic rather than descend into hardcore violent porn lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheers all for the advice. Am finally able to talk to the female on her own profile and she told me all she knows is we meeting etc but not seen his messages and he can go a lil ott. So I think it a case of why the mrs not looking lets chat dirty to another female. Which im not really like.
This would ring huge warning bells with us .
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Same here. 
I agree with everyone else- I'd cut contact. It's very disrespectful of him. I'd also worry that she doesn't know about his messages, so he's going behind her back.
I don't do sex chat with anyone I haven't met. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just in case my earlier message didn't make it clear... I would never seek to send erotic writings to just one half of a couple. All my communications with couples are addressed to both of them 
I also suspect you're gonna discover it's a single guy and would recommend confirming the woman's existence over the phone, wife to wife if needs be, asap |
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By *angeTuMan
over a year ago
Salisbury |
"Surely the safest thing to do, is have the two ladies chat on the phone and/or all four chat via webcam, before meeting?
How does that stop tgw male half if one couple trying to initiate cyber with the female half of the other couple via pm?"
Thought I'd hit the 'quote' button in response to the comments re- is the OP really talking to a single man.
So, in repsonse to your question, it doesn't. In response to the OP's question as to dirty-chat-as-a-preamble, I would advise kicking off with such talk himself. I'm a bit dubious as to such things and think a 4-way webcam chat is for the best; proves who every body is and allows for anticipation before meeting. However this is my personal preference and the world is full of varied people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey guys n girls. We just recently got into the swinging lifestyle which we enjoy. The thing is when we start talking to couples and make an arrangement to meet or whatnot the guy starts telling my mrs what he wants to do to her through numerous messages so there is a lead up for her and she getting attention to make her feel good. My prob is maybe in the initial message we will get you are both a hot couple but then no dirty talk from the female to me so im finding it hard to get excited about the meet and feeling a bit left out. I need some attention as well to build it up for me. As can not go into it cold. So my question is this. Is this a normal thing that usually goes on or is it me?
Like I said we are pretty new to this scene so any advice would gladly appreciate. Thankyou."
Some people are like that maybe they expect you to be the same with the female half of the couple you are chatting to. Sometimes its better to all get on cam and chat or meet up sooner than later for a social meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As soon as we get any messages sex talking etc ... block ..... way too many talkers , dreamers and general time wasters on fab .
We are here for real meets and it says so on our profile .....
Going back to the op , is he really expecting women to sext him ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Well i think nothing wrong with keeping the thoughts in head but to assume you gonna come bend my mrs over do her every which way but loose is bit wrong. His mrs might get here and there is no chemistry between us. Just in my mind a meet is not a guarantee you gonna be fucking unless otherwise stated. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What a Judgemental lot some of the people in this thread to say the OP is only talking to single blokes pretending to be a couple. That's just nonsense.
Mrs N likes naughty fun too but doesn't like all the fiddling and faffing around so she lets me do the organising and talking. We will provide final credentials if asked as we would expect other couples to, but to make a blanket statement that just because the bloke is the only one doing the talking all of the time is just silly. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
"
This is us too.
Very disrespectful and incredibly sad. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Cheers all for the advice. Am finally able to talk to the female on her own profile and she told me all she knows is we meeting etc but not seen his messages and he can go a lil ott. So I think it a case of why the mrs not looking lets chat dirty to another female. Which im not really like.
This would ring huge warning bells with us .
"
Would ring warning bells here too! Ours is a couples profile although we bith may not talk at the same time we do always read back on the sent and received messages |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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An update for you guys my mrs asked him if his mrs knows how he been talking to her. He said she knows im on here talking to you but not like that no. So he was honest at least but must know he playing a dangerous game as his mrs at work. She has now been made aware as well so awaiting her to return home from work for a response. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The minute a couple try to engage us or more specifically crystal in dirty/horny talk then we block and move on. It's not what we are here for and disrespectful. And while it might not be the case, we aren't taking the chance that the other couple are just looking for online thrills.
^ what he said
Dirty talk on fab is one of our biggest turn offs "
Us too...It all just feels a bit juvenile and bores me frigid... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When chatting to couples we are going to meet we go onto kik or whats App and have a 4 way conversation, whether it be dirty or just general chat. That way everyone is involved xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This is a complex issue. I've found that a little bit of erotic talk can go a long way with some of the people I've connected with. But I don't tend to go there unless the discussion warrants it or the person's profile makes it clear they like it. As a lyric writer, I get great joy from putting together erotic messages... picking the right words... and trying to create a steamy mood. But I think enough people are sensitive about this to make it something you need to ask about and test the waters before you jump in. Despite some people saying they like it dirty, people are often put off if you go too far so it's best to stay sensual and erotic rather than descend into hardcore violent porn lol "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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wait till the 'couple' messages telling how he wants to make you gag on his cock or summat and then answer back explaining that its the male of your couple typing, that might slow them down  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"wait till the 'couple' messages telling how he wants to make you gag on his cock or summat and then answer back explaining that its the male of your couple typing, that might slow them down "
lol yeah did that to one earlier. |
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"When chatting to couples we are going to meet we go onto kik or whats App and have a 4 way conversation, whether it be dirty or just general chat. That way everyone is involved xx "
We do this as well. No seperate communication means everyone gets I see all that's said and participate. All out in the open and honest.
Sometimes the girls confirm things on the phone sometimes not. Depends how we feel.
That couple you are talking to, absolute minimum they are not communicating with each other. That would be enough to stop us meeting them on its own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some erotic chat is ok if you're all happy, if not just say so.
We usually discuss what we like to do which inevitably involves some sex talk, saves disappointment or confusion at the meet.
I would usually organise if fb and I playing together, most genuine males put their partner on phone for a chat though.
(And don't forget she may just be shy initially. )
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What a Judgemental lot some of the people in this thread to say the OP is only talking to single blokes pretending to be a couple. That's just nonsense.
Mrs N likes naughty fun too but doesn't like all the fiddling and faffing around so she lets me do the organising and talking. We will provide final credentials if asked as we would expect other couples to, but to make a blanket statement that just because the bloke is the only one doing the talking all of the time is just silly."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some erotic chat is ok if you're all happy, if not just say so.
We usually discuss what we like to do which inevitably involves some sex talk, saves disappointment or confusion at the meet.
I would usually organise if fb and I playing together, most genuine males put their partner on phone for a chat though.
(And don't forget she may just be shy initially. )
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I don't do dirty talk on fab at all. I don't find it a build up, I find it silly. Whats the point before you have even met - there may be no physical spark or chemistry when you are in the same space. I do find it sorts out who is genuine and who isn't."
This approach works for me too. |
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