FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Why swinging doesn't work
Why swinging doesn't work
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." Kind of get where you are coming from, have had the same thoughts at times. It is really tough on here, my wife loves seeing me with other women but when we meet a couple we both have to fancy them and them us, which is a rarity, so quite often it goes no further. As for meeting single ladies , either by myself or with my wife, I don't fancy standing in a line to 'service' a woman at a greedy girl event, too cold for me, but if I send messages to women who are fussy or meet infrequently I usually don't even get a reply, no matter how well crafted my message might be. Then again, no one said it would be easy on here lol  | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." The best post I have seen in the forum by a mile. So accurate. Its description of the scene is spot on. The best bit of all though is that while it highlights the problems it also provides a solution to the disproportionate number of men to woman in swinging. And that is greedy girls. | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." Maybe as you rely on others to contact you and do all the chasing, you're always going to be disappointed... | |||
"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine." Couldn't agree more, we only play when the 3 or 4 of us have the chemistry. The most important thing is your own relationship and for the swinging not to take over, but enhance.  | |||
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It's in my nature to be selective. If I can't meet my type of guy, I'll stick with my toys thanks. | |||
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine. Couldn't agree more, we only play when the 3 or 4 of us have the chemistry. The most important thing is your own relationship and for the swinging not to take over, but enhance. "We agree we simply will not take one for the team. We love the lifestyle and have met some sexy couples and singles that keep us busy. We can afford to be choosy it's a great lifestyle. | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late. Maybe as you rely on others to contact you and do all the chasing, you're always going to be disappointed..." This! 
As we'd say to anyone - effort in = results out.
Swinging works for plenty.
Just not the single guys with poor attitudes and unrealistic expectancies, the single females who assume they can put little in and be inundated with interest (they will be - but usually the wrong kind!) or the couples that look down upon singles and can't understand that people have preferences that might not suit them.
For everyone else? It tends to work just fine!
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." Of course I'm fussy. How often do you think I want to meet? I'm not going to have a revolving door fitted at home! Perhaps you think I should operate a first come, first served policy? But why would I choose someone I don't fancy over someone I do, just because the former messaged me first? You wouldn't like being expected to shag people you don't fancy. You may choose to, for whatever reason but you'd object to it being expected of you. I feel the same and I won't meet men I'm not attracted to. Maybe swinging doesn't work for some because their expectations are out of line with reality. Maybe some need to realise they are entitled to nothing here and need to make an effort. Realising that women are turned on by different things to men may also help. Men are more visual and far more likely to be attracted by photos than women, (particularly when the photos being displayed for us are only of cocks). Women tend to be interested by words, and descriptive, emotive writing. Tell us what you have to offer, rather than waving a cock at us and expecting us to faint with desire. You don't have pheromones, body language and such like to assist you as you do in a face-to-face setting, so you have to get what you have to offer across in words, (in general). And remember that you wouldn't expect to be successful in a face-to-face scenario if you merely stated you want sex and waved your cock. (Bear in mind that a lot of women read the profile and use that to decide whether to read the message. A good message with a crap profile may well be a waste of effort.) We women may well be here looking for sex, (and not all of us are), but we want the right sex, not just any sex. When shopping we don't buy the first suitable item we see, usually, we look around and choose what suits us best. "Market" yourself in a way that appeals to us, rather than moaning that women are so unreasonable to want that, and you'd have more success. Try to see profiles through a woman's eyes and take a look at some male profiles. It may be eye-opening. A lot just say some version of "I am looking for fun". There's no detail, no effort, nothing about what they are offering (other than sex, which is pretty much a given for any man on this site). We're frequently referred to as "females" or "fems" rather than women, as though we're objects not people. Here's an analogy... You're shopping for a car. Which ad interests you most: "Car for sale" (with a close-up photo, or selection of photos of one part of the car, like the engine, or a wheel); An ad that describes the year, make, model etc. Describes the selling points like FSH, few owners, low mileage, long MOT, tax etc and has a selection of photos showing the car? Tell us WHY we should choose you rather than stating you want sex, waving your cock in our faces and expecting us to come running. We're not going to change to suit men however unfair the men think that is. We're here for what we want, not what men want. | |||
"This is the second thread to state women are fussy because of the huge numbers of men. Bollocks and plenty of them .
It's in my nature to be selective. If I can't meet my type of guy, I'll stick with my toys thanks. "Absolutely! I'm fussy because I'm looking for certain things. I have to be interested mentally, in the person, before I'm interested sexually. A man "looking to meet fems for fun" and waving his cock isn't on the list! A cock is just a cock until I am interested in the owner. | |||
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" What's wrong with greedy girls? - they are just women who know how to have a good time." What a typical male comment. Because something is "a good time" to a man does NOT mean it's going to be a good time for a woman. Selective women also know how to have a good time but if we're not being offered what we want, rather than being told we should want the same as the man wants, we're not going to be interested. Women are (in general) different to men. It's not necessarily a good time for us just because it is for you! | |||
"Just to clarify my last post - regarding greedy girls - All women know how to have fun, it's just they chose to go about it in different ways. I.E we should not expect women to be greedy - we should expect them to do what they want. "I was posting while you wrote this. If more men realised that their idea of a good time isn't necessarily our idea of a good time and that our needs and wants are often different to theirs, it might help their success rates. | |||
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" What's wrong with greedy girls? - they are just women who know how to have a good time. What a typical male comment. Because something is "a good time" to a man does NOT mean it's going to be a good time for a woman. Selective women also know how to have a good time but if we're not being offered what we want, rather than being told we should want the same as the man wants, we're not going to be interested. Women are (in general) different to men. It's not necessarily a good time for us just because it is for you!" This is very interesting . From our perspective , this isn't necessarily the case . My pleasure primarily comes from seeing my wife enjoy herself . Her pleasure comes from seeing me enjoying seeing her having fun . The fun she has may be from a one on one ( male or female ) or multiple partners , and how this pans out is a joint decision . We may be on our way to a club , and between us decide what will turn us both on . Or we may leave it till we arrive and see how things are when we arrive . But we jointly arrive at our desired play , and whatever that may be , we are also very choosy as to who we play with . We have often chosen not to play when there hasn't been an attraction with anyone . On occasion we have left a club , put up a last minute meet , and had a hotel meet on the way home or gone dogging and had just as much fun as we would have had at a club . Perhaps the difference is that we both aim to please each other , and this is the primary reason we swing . The people we play with could be seen as ' extras ' for us if one wanted to interpret it in a negative way I guess . But , never once have we played and not all had that glow of satisfaction afterwards ( us and our playmates ) so that's not really a fair assumption . So women may be different in some cases , but not all . Some people swing to build new friendships and relationships with those they swing with , and others like us , do it to enhance our sex life with others , by satisfying ours and their fantasies . No more , no less than that . | |||
" What's wrong with greedy girls? - they are just women who know how to have a good time. What a typical male comment. Because something is "a good time" to a man does NOT mean it's going to be a good time for a woman. Selective women also know how to have a good time but if we're not being offered what we want, rather than being told we should want the same as the man wants, we're not going to be interested. Women are (in general) different to men. It's not necessarily a good time for us just because it is for you! This is very interesting . From our perspective , this isn't necessarily the case . My pleasure primarily comes from seeing my wife enjoy herself . Her pleasure comes from seeing me enjoying seeing her having fun . The fun she has may be from a one on one ( male or female ) or multiple partners , and how this pans out is a joint decision . We may be on our way to a club , and between us decide what will turn us both on . Or we may leave it till we arrive and see how things are when we arrive . But we jointly arrive at our desired play , and whatever that may be , we are also very choosy as to who we play with . We have often chosen not to play when there hasn't been an attraction with anyone . On occasion we have left a club , put up a last minute meet , and had a hotel meet on the way home or gone dogging and had just as much fun as we would have had at a club . Perhaps the difference is that we both aim to please each other , and this is the primary reason we swing . The people we play with could be seen as ' extras ' for us if one wanted to interpret it in a negative way I guess . But , never once have we played and not all had that glow of satisfaction afterwards ( us and our playmates ) so that's not really a fair assumption . So women may be different in some cases , but not all . Some people swing to build new friendships and relationships with those they swing with , and others like us , do it to enhance our sex life with others , by satisfying ours and their fantasies . No more , no less than that . "Women tend to be turned on differently. Women in a couple may well have other influences that decide who interests them. I don't know. I'm not in a couple. Men tend to look at the photos and decide who to message. Women don't, usually. A lot of men (often the ones complaining) don't read profiles. They already know who they want to fuck. For some that it's a woman is enough. Again, most women are different. | |||
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"It's not the excessive numbers of men on the scene that makes women fussy, it's that we have standards. As I responded to a message the other day, if there were only 10 men on here and 5000 women it wouldn't change a thing. If I don't fancy someone I won't be meeting, simple. I'm not desperate and never will be." And this is your prerogative , and only you and you alone can decide if you fancy someone . That's a given , and no one will argue that point . However , with men vastly out numbering women on here , surely there must be more opportunity for you to find the guys you fancy ? Let's say you searched your criteria and the results came back with 200 guys within 30 miles ticking your preferences , so you look at 200 guys , the right age , with the same interests . How many would you think you would fancy after seeing face and body pics ? When we have done this , Sabrina would say about a third of them , so that's 66 on any given search . And this is what we don't understand when people talk about standards . How can it be that if we engage in sex with someone with the choice available , that meeting lots of people means we don't have standards ? Do you think you have higher standards than us because you have had less meets ? Sorry to sound like we are having a go , but this has been a bugbear of ours for our whole time on fab . There are so many hot and sexy people on here , and yet so many people say they have standards and can't find anyone to reach their criteria ! Are we missing something here , or is it that we just don't have standards ?  | |||
" Do you think you have higher standards than us because you have had less meets ?" No, the point is merely that for many, what we're looking for isn't affected by the supply. Sure, the more men there are, the more possible options there may be. But the post you're responding to just means that the poster isn't looking for a set number of meets and will choose the best options available. She's looking for certain things and won't meet just anyone if those things aren't available. Many factors influence how many meets people have. It's not necessarily indicative of having higher or lower standards. | |||
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" Do you think you have higher standards than us because you have had less meets ? No, the point is merely that for many, what we're looking for isn't affected by the supply. Sure, the more men there are, the more possible options there may be. But the post you're responding to just means that the poster isn't looking for a set number of meets and will choose the best options available. She's looking for certain things and won't meet just anyone if those things aren't available. Many factors influence how many meets people have. It's not necessarily indicative of having higher or lower standards." I guess it's the reference to not being desperate which prompted the response . We won't meet ' just anyone ' if the exact things we want are not available either . What we will do however , is allow a little flexibility in the exact things we are looking for , and invariably find the perfect meet whenever we are free to do so . | |||
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"It's not the excessive numbers of men on the scene that makes women fussy, it's that we have standards. As I responded to a message the other day, if there were only 10 men on here and 5000 women it wouldn't change a thing. If I don't fancy someone I won't be meeting, simple. I'm not desperate and never will be. And this is your prerogative , and only you and you alone can decide if you fancy someone . That's a given , and no one will argue that point . However , with men vastly out numbering women on here , surely there must be more opportunity for you to find the guys you fancy ? Let's say you searched your criteria and the results came back with 200 guys within 30 miles ticking your preferences , so you look at 200 guys , the right age , with the same interests . How many would you think you would fancy after seeing face and body pics ? When we have done this , Sabrina would say about a third of them , so that's 66 on any given search . And this is what we don't understand when people talk about standards . How can it be that if we engage in sex with someone with the choice available , that meeting lots of people means we don't have standards ? Do you think you have higher standards than us because you have had less meets ? Sorry to sound like we are having a go , but this has been a bugbear of ours for our whole time on fab . There are so many hot and sexy people on here , and yet so many people say they have standards and can't find anyone to reach their criteria ! Are we missing something here , or is it that we just don't have standards ? "There are couples and singles on here that believe because of the attention they receive on here that they are something else, famous in the swinging world and the bees knees. It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. Others choose to see less, that's there choice doesn't make them better than you. If your enjoying yourself and everyone you see is then great | |||
Count your blessings one by one. Your glass is wonderfully half full... not half empty  | |||
" Do you think you have higher standards than us because you have had less meets ? No, the point is merely that for many, what we're looking for isn't affected by the supply. Sure, the more men there are, the more possible options there may be. But the post you're responding to just means that the poster isn't looking for a set number of meets and will choose the best options available. She's looking for certain things and won't meet just anyone if those things aren't available. Many factors influence how many meets people have. It's not necessarily indicative of having higher or lower standards. I guess it's the reference to not being desperate which prompted the response . We won't meet ' just anyone ' if the exact things we want are not available either . What we will do however , is allow a little flexibility in the exact things we are looking for , and invariably find the perfect meet whenever we are free to do so . "Not being desperate means it doesn't matter how many men are on here, you're looking for people who meet your criteria. You won't meet for the sake of a meet. If what you are looking for is broader and more flexible then you'll probably have more possible options. Nobody is saying because you meet more or have broader selection criteria that you are desperate or have lower standards. We're all looking for different things, that's all. As said above, it's not that there are so many men that makes women fussy. Most want what they want and would prefer not to meet if that's not available. | |||
"We've joined this site and intend to go out clubbing so that we can explore our fantasies. If only one sexy evening of fun with sexy others comes from it, it will have all been worth it's while. Lighten up guys Count your blessings one by one. Your glass is wonderfully half full... not half empty "My glass is totally full. Part liquid, part air  | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. " And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? | |||
"I'd also like to know what defines fussy. Is it because I won't shag all the men that message me every day. Sometimes it's a lot. What shall I do with my kids while I am having this shag frenzy. What if I am busy. What if my hubby doesn't like them. Never mind if I fancy them or not. I am fussy yes. But just because I say no, doesn't always mean it's because I'm fussy. " Lol .... I get what you are saying , but some days we get a lot of messages asking for a shag , and 99% just get deleted too . And like yourselves , we may not both agree on the couple or the single , and we have a young family too . I think the point is that if you are looking for a meet , is there really nothing on fab to float your boat ? | |||
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" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people?" I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x | |||
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" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x" | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x" Maybe it's that they'd think less of themselves if they saw more and actually aren't bothered what others choose to do because it doesn't affect them? | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x Maybe it's that they'd think less of themselves if they saw more and actually aren't bothered what others choose to do because it doesn't affect them?" Maybe it is , so why do they need to suggest desperation , quality over quantity , not looking for notches , and make comments such as shagging the floor of a barbers shop as it has hair on it ? We have absolutely no problem with this who choose whatever selection process they see fit to use . What gets to us is the inference made on the forums that those of us enjoying lots of meets are below them . Or that we don't have standards and will shag anything . Fab gives us all the option to enjoy what each and every one of us wants . Judging others for what they want by your own standards is always going to upset someone , and this is a good example .  | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x Maybe it's that they'd think less of themselves if they saw more and actually aren't bothered what others choose to do because it doesn't affect them? Maybe it is , so why do they need to suggest desperation , quality over quantity , not looking for notches , and make comments such as shagging the floor of a barbers shop as it has hair on it ? We have absolutely no problem with this who choose whatever selection process they see fit to use . What gets to us is the inference made on the forums that those of us enjoying lots of meets are below them . Or that we don't have standards and will shag anything . Fab gives us all the option to enjoy what each and every one of us wants . Judging others for what they want by your own standards is always going to upset someone , and this is a good example . " | |||
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine." Some of us guys can be fussy too.....I've definitely become more so lately (as Nobbynobbs that is). Particularly since spending more n more time with just a few members n ex members... | |||
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"We love it on here & never really had any problems. The only problem we have had is finding time to meet all the sexy people that we want to meet. We can't comment on how hard it is to meet a single fem as we've not really tried " | |||
"We love it on here & never really had any problems. The only problem we have had is finding time to meet all the sexy people that we want to meet. We can't comment on how hard it is to meet a single fem as we've not really tried "
100% agree we have about two meets a week but could do more but don't have the time, everyone is different everyone am experience x | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." Well,I have to say I disagree. Whilst there do seem to be more "single" guys on here, getting meets hasn't really got any harder,in fact,if anything, people are more keen to meet genuine couples due to their bad experiences with the ever-present "bad smell" of timewasters out there. | |||
"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." So what you really mean is... swinging doesn't work for men? This site isn't the whole world. We've had great fun with it but it can take a while to find what you're looking for. Depends on how patient you are. Haven't used the site for a while as there's people off Fab... in the real world. Swinging still works great. | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x Maybe it's that they'd think less of themselves if they saw more and actually aren't bothered what others choose to do because it doesn't affect them? Maybe it is , so why do they need to suggest desperation , quality over quantity , not looking for notches , and make comments such as shagging the floor of a barbers shop as it has hair on it ? We have absolutely no problem with this who choose whatever selection process they see fit to use . What gets to us is the inference made on the forums that those of us enjoying lots of meets are below them . Or that we don't have standards and will shag anything . Fab gives us all the option to enjoy what each and every one of us wants . Judging others for what they want by your own standards is always going to upset someone , and this is a good example . "I think perhaps you're being insulted by comments not aimed at you. When I say I am not looking for notches or not desperate it's usually in response to men asking why, or complaining that, women on a site where people look for sex won't shag them. I want sex, they are offering sex, so it should be a done deal, apparently. In fact, you yourselves have said you have your own criteria and won't shag anyone. So you won't fuck for the sake of fucking either. Is that not not being desperate and not looking for notches? Some guys are desperate and are looking for notches and seem to think everyone here feels the same way they do and wants the same thing they do. My response is that this isn't the case for me and I'm not just looking for sex and any sex with anyone will do. Someone who meets more or less than I do may have more time, broader preferences, more flexibility, find it easier to accommodate, be able to travel more or just live in an area with more fabs members or more fabs members that meet their preferences. When I say I am not looking for notches and am not desperate it means just that; that I meet only people I'm attracted to. I'm not comparing myself to anyone who meets more or less than I do, (I care about my meets, not anyone else's). It's a response, usually to men complaining women "on a sex site" won't fuck them, pointing out I'm not here looking for all and any sex offered. You aren't either, so in that sense our standards are the same. | |||
"YEs I agree, the more men here are, the more fussier the women get as its less of them lol." Not true, as stated earlier. I'm looking for what I am looking for and whether ten men or ten thousand men match that, I'm not changing my criteria. I'd rather go without than make do with something I don't want. I'm here to find the men and the sex I want, not the best I'm able to get, (if that's not what I want). | |||
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine. Couldn't agree more, we only play when the 3 or 4 of us have the chemistry. The most important thing is your own relationship and for the swinging not to take over, but enhance. " | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late. Maybe as you rely on others to contact you and do all the chasing, you're always going to be disappointed... This!
As we'd say to anyone - effort in = results out.
Swinging works for plenty.
Just not the single guys with poor attitudes and unrealistic expectancies, the single females who assume they can put little in and be inundated with interest (they will be - but usually the wrong kind!) or the couples that look down upon singles and can't understand that people have preferences that might not suit them.
For everyone else? It tends to work just fine!
A" | |||
"Oh how I wish I were allowed to comment on the OP's profile..." Aren't you allowed??? | |||
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is Some of us guys can be fussy too.....I've definitely become more so lately (as Nobbynobbs that is). Particularly since spending more n more time with just a few members n ex members..." I get that. Myself and my hubby could be classed as equally fussy. He likes and dislikes different types of men and women. At the end of the day we decide together. We have to be comfortable, happy and attracted to folk. | |||
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"Oh how I wish I were allowed to comment on the OP's profile... Aren't you allowed???" Nope, it's against forum rules. | |||
"LOL! Good read. I don't think on the whole that most men are either looking for notches on their bed posts, or that they are desperate. They will however, in most cases, shag anything that moves. Yes ladies, even your hubby, who when pressed normally swears blind that he's more choosy. This over abundance of eagerness can cause 'some' not all - women and couples - to become delusional and pretentious about their own sexual attractiveness or popularity. This in-turn can sometimes be labelled as fussy, by the aforementioned male members(pun intended). LOL! Yeah, of course, they're are lots of reason's why people come on here, but the reality is - it's for sex. Doesn't matter if you disguise it as a particular fantasy, want or need - it boils down to sex. Some come on here to genuinely make friends, and love the lifestyle(which involves sex)LOL!. And to be honest, there does seem to be a bit of a click going on. Fair enough! I haven't been to any of the clubs so for some that would rule me out straight the way. LOL! 'If I haven't met you at such and such, then I won't even read your message'. But to be honest, I don't care. That's their choice. But it does come across as being a right pretentious little madam. I've only been on here a week, but I've already had a couple of meets. And to be honest, the people were very down to earth, and I'm pretty sure that all concerned enjoyed eachother, and the moment. However, I don't think any of them were under any illusions about what it was - just sex, between consenting adults. This is a sex site - it may be called Fab Swingers, but in whichever delusional guise people like to label things, it's all about the sex. " For some it's about sex, yes. HOWEVER, there's a big difference between being here to meet people (for sex) that you find attractive, and being constantly expected to meet people (for sex) you aren't attracted to and being insulted and berated for being "too fussy" and "up oneself". Nobody is entitled to a fuck here, and everyone is entitled to say no. Even on an alleged "sex site". | |||
"This is the second thread to state women are fussy because of the huge numbers of men. Bollocks and plenty of them .
It's in my nature to be selective. If I can't meet my type of guy, I'll stick with my toys thanks.
Absolutely!
I'm fussy because I'm looking for certain things. I have to be interested mentally, in the person, before I'm interested sexually.
A man "looking to meet fems for fun" and waving his cock isn't on the list!
A cock is just a cock until I am interested in the owner." | |||
"Swinging would work better if there were just more women into it" And yet, the behaviour of some men on here is what puts women off joining or drives them away. This sort of environment just isn't worth the grief for many women, especially when they can get what they want elsewhere, with far less hassle. Women aren't going to get into swinging just because men want it and that's what a lot of guys don't seem to understand. We're not here to service men, (or "cater for" as was written on a thread inspired by this one). We're not a service. If that's what someone wants, they're on the wrong site entirely. Women will only take part in swinging if it meets a need for them, without having more negatives than positives. | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." Does your wife feel the same? Have you tried clubs? Theres a much higher number of single fems in clubs,as its a much safer environment for them to meet in. We've met some really lovely (and sexy!) single fems in clubs, but very few via the site. I definitely think that if you are becoming disillusioned or not seeing the sense in it, then its time to take a break. In the past we have just hidden our profile for a few weeks when we've got bored. It is supposed to be fun, so if you're not finding it to be so, then theres no point. Talk to your wife, take a break, re-evaluate what you guys were both looking to get out of this in the first place, then either come back once you've had a breather or maybe call it quits on swinging altogether. Hope you manage to come to a conclusion that you're both happy with. Juicy x | |||
"I agree, sex isnt guaranteed on here or any other site for that matter. It does get disheartening though, sending messages "cold" to people you've never met in the hope of having a little fun. Non-replies & instant deletion of messages can hurt even the most thick skinned people. Not sure what my point is, just voicing my opinion lol." You're focusing only on what you want and you have made very little effort to show yourself to your best advantage or to get across what you're offering. Why should women meet you? Just because you are here and want fun? What do you expect? You need to let people know why they should meet you, show a bit of who you are and what they'll get out of it. Every man (well, nearly every man) on here wants fun. What is it about you that means someone should want to get with you for that fun? As I mentioned earlier, somewhere on the fora, it's like advertising "car for sale" and hoping people will make the effort to contact you to find out about it, or writing a detailed advert containing the pertinent information and positive selling points. And, I'll say it again, a lot of women read the profile before deciding whether to even read the message. The best message ever may be totally wasted if you have a shit profile. Women tend to think differently, be turned on differently and want different things on here to men. Doing what would appeal to you may well not work well with women. "Advertise" and present yourself to appeal to your target "market". | |||
"You're focusing only on what you want and you have made very little effort to show yourself to your best advantage or to get across what you're offering. Why should women meet you? Just because you are here and want fun? What do you expect? You need to let people know why they should meet you, show a bit of who you are and what they'll get out of it. Every man (well, nearly every man) on here wants fun. What is it about you that means someone should want to get with you for that fun? As I mentioned earlier, somewhere on the fora, it's like advertising "car for sale" and hoping people will make the effort to contact you to find out about it, or writing a detailed advert containing the pertinent information and positive selling points. And, I'll say it again, a lot of women read the profile before deciding whether to even read the message. The best message ever may be totally wasted if you have a shit profile. Women tend to think differently, be turned on differently and want different things on here to men. Doing what would appeal to you may well not work well with women. "Advertise" and present yourself to appeal to your target "market"." Have to totally agree with this too... | |||
" It also smacks of very childish with the I don't see many people I'm not a slag mentality, after all this is supposed to be fun, how much fun and how many people you see is your choice. And yet you're insulting those who make the choice not to meet many people? I wasn't, I was saying it smacks of childish if someone chooses to see less people and thinks they are somehow above someone who chooses to see more x Maybe it's that they'd think less of themselves if they saw more and actually aren't bothered what others choose to do because it doesn't affect them? Maybe it is , so why do they need to suggest desperation , quality over quantity , not looking for notches , and make comments such as shagging the floor of a barbers shop as it has hair on it ? We have absolutely no problem with this who choose whatever selection process they see fit to use . What gets to us is the inference made on the forums that those of us enjoying lots of meets are below them . Or that we don't have standards and will shag anything . Fab gives us all the option to enjoy what each and every one of us wants . Judging others for what they want by your own standards is always going to upset someone , and this is a good example .
I think perhaps you're being insulted by comments not aimed at you.
When I say I am not looking for notches or not desperate it's usually in response to men asking why, or complaining that, women on a site where people look for sex won't shag them. I want sex, they are offering sex, so it should be a done deal, apparently.
In fact, you yourselves have said you have your own criteria and won't shag anyone. So you won't fuck for the sake of fucking either. Is that not not being desperate and not looking for notches?
Some guys are desperate and are looking for notches and seem to think everyone here feels the same way they do and wants the same thing they do. My response is that this isn't the case for me and I'm not just looking for sex and any sex with anyone will do.
Someone who meets more or less than I do may have more time, broader preferences, more flexibility, find it easier to accommodate, be able to travel more or just live in an area with more fabs members or more fabs members that meet their preferences.
When I say I am not looking for notches and am not desperate it means just that; that I meet only people I'm attracted to. I'm not comparing myself to anyone who meets more or less than I do, (I care about my meets, not anyone else's).
It's a response, usually to men complaining women "on a sex site" won't fuck them, pointing out I'm not here looking for all and any sex offered.
You aren't either, so in that sense our standards are the same."An excellent and well thought out response | |||
"Since I was the OP some interesting comments and others that seemed to have missed the point of my post. Yes we are both fussy but who isn't true to themselves. I still maintain that outside of greedy girls scenarios Swinging would work better if there were just more women into it. Or is the glut of single guys really attached guys hoping for NSA sex lol but that is another subject in itself. " I can't really see the logic of the OP. Swinging is something couples do i.e. they swap their partners. So for swinging to be improved surely you would need more couples. Having more women would only aid the cause of threesomes and/or NSA sex with singles. As the OP is a couple, I can't imagine they're commenting on singles not getting enough sex. Sorry singles... but you're single... you already get loads more sex with a variety of other people than most couples do so there'll be no tears being shed here for you lot Therefore, it's really a remark about threesomes. To suggest that there'd be more threesomes if there were more women, is to woefully misunderstand women and the fine art of getting a threesome together imo | |||
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"... we suck at breaking the ice" Seems like a perfectly reasonable way of breaking the ice to me. | |||
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"Swinging would work better if there were just more women into it And yet, the behaviour of some men on here is what puts women off joining or drives them away. This sort of environment just isn't worth the grief for many women, especially when they can get what they want elsewhere, with far less hassle. Women aren't going to get into swinging just because men want it and that's what a lot of guys don't seem to understand. We're not here to service men, (or "cater for" as was written on a thread inspired by this one). We're not a service. If that's what someone wants, they're on the wrong site entirely. Women will only take part in swinging if it meets a need for them, without having more negatives than positives." | |||
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"This is the second thread to state women are fussy because of the huge numbers of men. Bollocks and plenty of them .
It's in my nature to be selective. If I can't meet my type of guy, I'll stick with my toys thanks. "Quite. I can't sleep with a woman I don't fancy. | |||
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine." We couldn't have said it better ourselves. We posted something this morning trying to get advise on setting up a group of hot males to spoil our female half and we got a fair few negative comments on how we've had narrowed down our options by only looking for young fit handsome guys. Why should we lower our standards just to get some? All our meets have been perfect so far because we've been picky and that's how we'd like to keep it. | |||
"It doesn't work for you! " | |||
"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine. We couldn't have said it better ourselves. We posted something this morning trying to get advise on setting up a group of hot males to spoil our female half and we got a fair few negative comments on how we've had narrowed down our options by only looking for young fit handsome guys. Why should we lower our standards just to get some? All our meets have been perfect so far because we've been picky and that's how we'd like to keep it. " Everyone needs to remember we all make our own choices, just like you & if you are anything like us then these choices depend on out mood! Being hassled will not make us change our minds!  | |||
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"if its not working for you either alter your way of thinking, the way you go about things or dont bother anymore - not about how many meets - we could have a few a week if time permitted but we still wouldnt take up most of the offers as we not interested in numbers - who we meet suits us - if we felt it wasnt right we would stop - seems simple enough to me " This
How we meet works for us and we aren't going to change it to please anyone else.
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"Men, women and couples. We love them all. But, I am proud to say I'm fussy. I know what I like, and I'm not shagging somebody I dont fancy for anyone. My husband would say the same. It's always going to be hard for a couple, as both of you have to like the person/people and they have to like you in return. But we are not bothered about quantity. It's quality for us all the way. So a meet every six months is fine. We couldn't have said it better ourselves. We posted something this morning trying to get advise on setting up a group of hot males to spoil our female half and we got a fair few negative comments on how we've had narrowed down our options by only looking for young fit handsome guys. Why should we lower our standards just to get some? All our meets have been perfect so far because we've been picky and that's how we'd like to keep it. " good for you... Is those that fall outta the types you seek that get the hump.. They waste energy on that rather than find those who would include them ... Keep ya own standards ... We all got em! enjoy | |||
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"Male half of a couple here 2 years into our Swinging adventures and we have had some fun and crazy times but Im comming around to the realisation that Swinging just doesn't work. The reason for this is the total imbalance in the sexes. Way Way too many guys chasing far too few women. The result is the Men are desperate and the Women are so fussy. It's just so fucked up. The only scenario that works well are greedy girls either in a couple or single. What do the rest of you think? I suppose im just not feeling the love right now. Perhaps it's time to call it a day after all I have a fantastic partner and although it's nice to live out the fantasies it's just becoming one dissapointment after another of late." It works for some just not the ugly or less attractive males. | |||
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"I haven't read all of the above posts so apologies if this has been said. The best way to meet people for us to go to clubs/parties. We gave up online meets years ago. It's a lot of hours of work for little result due to the timewasters and wannabes, plus you don't know if the chemistry is there until you meet face to face, so you could get on great online, but then meet and it just doesn't happen. If people have made an effort to go to a club/party, then they are serious about swinging or at least trying the experience. Plus you can see straight away if you fancy the couple and if there is a chemistry. I wouldn't waste anytime meeting people online, it's soul destroying and too much hard work! "
Totally right, get to a club! Says the couple who run a newbie night at a club! Lol x | |||
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"Why do women seem to assume men will shag any woman that opens her legs? I don't consider myself fussy I just prefer to have sex with women I actually like and can chat to between 'rounds'. Most of my meets are with friends I have made over the years and I do prefer to actually get to know someone before leaping into bed. The exception being at a club but that's as much to do with the atmosphere of the night. I don't do gang bangs or greedy girl nights because sticking my cock into just any hole without having made at least a basic kind of connection just doesn't float my boat. This is my preference and Im not attacking either greedy girls or the men that like them. I know some guys struggle to behave in an adult or civilised way but it does piss me off slightly that a lot of women think all men will fuck anything with a pulse. Rant over "Not all women think that way. Some of us know that not all men are like that. Some of us can spot both types. | |||
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"If I see a lazy profile blurred photos and nothing that entices me I won't reply to a message" Some just dont understand how important it is to sell themselves on their profile. Its their "shop window" and needs to tempt the _iewer to want to know more. | |||
"I agree there are too many single guys but how can that make couples seeking couples hard???" Couples are funny creatures, we were at an event this weekend where we met a great many people (look at our verifications). Friday night singles and couples were allowed and was great fun, Saturday night was girls and couples and was hard work. We always get the impression that they sit back and want everything to come to them, would any of you agree? | |||
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"I agree there are too many single guys but how can that make couples seeking couples hard??? Couples are funny creatures, we were at an event this weekend where we met a great many people (look at our verifications). Friday night singles and couples were allowed and was great fun, Saturday night was girls and couples and was hard work. We always get the impression that they sit back and want everything to come to them, would any of you agree? " yeap have seen that a few times.... Infact usually you can tell if its a new thing for them. We always chat to loads when out ... Feel for those sitting alone , so a smile n chat costs nothing, with others then joining in ( with play too sometimes! Lol ) | |||
"Sat night we were at a party. Huge event. We always get stuck in and on this occasion took ourselves up to a playroom and started licking and sucking. I don't think we are totally repellent but even though we were totally open to couples joining us most just browse by and seem really inhibited and shy. I don't think people are as uninhibited as we may think in this world of ours. Or maybe we are just sluts lol" Nice to meet others when they on your level tho ! Oh Yes! | |||
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"I haven't read all of the above posts so apologies if this has been said. The best way to meet people for us to go to clubs/parties. We gave up online meets years ago. It's a lot of hours of work for little result due to the timewasters and wannabes, plus you don't know if the chemistry is there until you meet face to face, so you could get on great online, but then meet and it just doesn't happen. If people have made an effort to go to a club/party, then they are serious about swinging or at least trying the experience. Plus you can see straight away if you fancy the couple and if there is a chemistry. I wouldn't waste anytime meeting people online, it's soul destroying and too much hard work! " | |||
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