FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Overcoming jealousy!
Overcoming jealousy!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Jealousy is often a mix of other feelings... so the first step is to own your jealousy and sit down with it,to figure out what you're actually feeling.
I read a book that had a very good section on dealing with jealousy called "The Ethical Slut", one of the authors is called Dossie  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My hubby felt a bit insecure when he saw the other fellas cock pleasuring me, it was bigger and harder then he gets....but later on back at home I kept reassuring him that love and sexual pleasure can be kept totally seperate.....we are exploring different scenarios, talking alot about our feelings, checking things out with each other as we go along to make sure that swinging is a positive experience for both of us. Good luck with it, keep communicating, be patient, go at a pace you are both comfortable with - maybe agree soft swap for a few times? x  |
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Although she will not tell you, you do realize that she will at some point (if not already) realise others are better/different than you in bed. And her interest in swinging will come not from the fact you re doing together but that she can have other men. You'll regret ever swinging; so many breakups following swinging. Slippery slope and all YOU can do is watch and sigh cos you don t want to lose her so you just have to accept that you are not exclusive anymore; unless your post is pure fantasy and you want us all to feel sorry for you  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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That seems to be my problem! Although I'm definitely not comfortable with full swap not yet anyway...im just not sure why I have this insecurity if u know what I mean! |
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I can honestly say that I have never felt any jealousy watching my husband with other women. It is just sex, and I know there is nothing emotional about fucking. I don't think I could handle a poly relationship though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although she will not tell you, you do realize that she will at some point (if not already) realise others are better/different than you in bed. And her interest in swinging will come not from the fact you re doing together but that she can have other men. You'll regret ever swinging; so many breakups following swinging. Slippery slope and all YOU can do is watch and sigh cos you don t want to lose her so you just have to accept that you are not exclusive anymore; unless your post is pure fantasy and you want us all to feel sorry for you "
I'd disregard this post. It's wrong on so many levels and it's such an extremely negative opinion of swinging that it beggars belief why the person posting it is even on this site.
There is no comparison between sex with someone you love and sex with a stranger. Most couples don't slip from wanting to swing together into wanting to selfishly get their own fix. It won't inevitably end in tears and break up. But if there's already jealousy arising I'd suggest that it may not be the path for you. As a rule it's a bit like psychedelics... it amplifies what's already there... if your relationship is close, secure and loving it may help to make it closer, more secure and more loving... but if your relationship already has cracks in it... it'll wrench those cracks wide open. There are disasters on this site, and quite frequently, but there are also many success stories too. It's a risky game, yes, but it does not inevitably lead to the trauma this poster suggests it will.
As for the jealousy issue... I'd say it's your current roadblock. I sometimes wonder, in this scenario, whether the best thing to do is just pull it off like a band aid... get a gorgeous hunk of a bloke in to fuck her good and proper and force yourself to watch. If you can withstand that then you can eschew your jealousy forever... but of course that could be terrible advice and it could completely backfire on you... leaving you feeling as if you can never sleep with your partner again. Perhaps, all in all, the best advice is for you to cool off the whole thing and try something else. No room for jealousy in swinging whatsoever  |
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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
That is insecurity and you should perhaps not be swinging with such insecurities. You know its OK when you get turned on watching your wife get fucked and clearly enjoying herself. If the opposite is true - you have a problem and not really sure what can be done aside from accept that maybe it is not for you.
Many guys broach the idea of swinging because they quite fancy the idea of getting their paws on another woman but can't accept that their wives will be attended to by someone else as well.... Cue... wake up call. |
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By *amissCouple
over a year ago
chelmsford |
"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
Just to say the obvious, in that you must have a very strong relationship, before embarking on swinging. My first time seeing my Husband with another woman was difficult and we didn't play for some time, but we both decided to give it another go and we have never looked back. Always make sure that you have boundaries and stick to them. This is so much fun if you get it right. Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although she will not tell you, you do realize that she will at some point (if not already) realise others are better/different than you in bed. And her interest in swinging will come not from the fact you re doing together but that she can have other men. You'll regret ever swinging; so many breakups following swinging. Slippery slope and all YOU can do is watch and sigh cos you don t want to lose her so you just have to accept that you are not exclusive anymore; unless your post is pure fantasy and you want us all to feel sorry for you
I'd disregard this post. It's wrong on so many levels and it's such an extremely negative opinion of swinging that it beggars belief why the person posting it is even on this site.
There is no comparison between sex with someone you love and sex with a stranger. Most couples don't slip from wanting to swing together into wanting to selfishly get their own fix. It won't inevitably end in tears and break up. But if there's already jealousy arising I'd suggest that it may not be the path for you. As a rule it's a bit like psychedelics... it amplifies what's already there... if your relationship is close, secure and loving it may help to make it closer, more secure and more loving... but if your relationship already has cracks in it... it'll wrench those cracks wide open. There are disasters on this site, and quite frequently, but there are also many success stories too. It's a risky game, yes, but it does not inevitably lead to the trauma this poster suggests it will.
As for the jealousy issue... I'd say it's your current roadblock. I sometimes wonder, in this scenario, whether the best thing to do is just pull it off like a band aid... get a gorgeous hunk of a bloke in to fuck her good and proper and force yourself to watch. If you can withstand that then you can eschew your jealousy forever... but of course that could be terrible advice and it could completely backfire on you... leaving you feeling as if you can never sleep with your partner again. Perhaps, all in all, the best advice is for you to cool off the whole thing and try something else. No room for jealousy in swinging whatsoever "
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If there is a big jealousy problem then it will only highlight the problem with swinging, the biggest fights we have seen in clubs is down to jealousy, just be sure before you go too far cos it's much more difficult to close that pandora's box once opened ! Good luck x |
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"I dont know how you can say there is nothing emotional about fucking "
Very easily.
I have very little if any emotional connection to any of the guys I have fucked. A few I know and like as friends which has nothing to do with sex. Then there are the men I have fucked in clubs, never even knew their name so why should I feel emotional about fucking them?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's normal to feel a little jealous to start with - it's new, exciting but also different. My advice just set some clear ground rules that you both adhere too - baby steps! You could be about to embark on an amazing journey that crazily makes you love each other even more x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's normal to feel a little jealous to start with - it's new, exciting but also different. My advice just set some clear ground rules that you both adhere too - baby steps! You could be about to embark on an amazing journey that crazily makes you love each other even more x"
So true! When you've done things, shared things, explored fantasies with your significant other, things you could never share with any person besides them - it takes the intimacy, trust and love for one another to a whole different dimension |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We wouldn't really recognise the 'there's no room for jealousy' statement as for us there absolutely is. Our experience has taught us what we like and don't like and the reality is there can be a fine line between them.
We love to share and be shared but it takes the right place, time and people for it to feel right for us. So, knowing we can be jealous, we take away the elements that we know cause it.
Understanding the individual subtleties for you can take take time but we simply agree that we only ever go as far as we want.
Jealousy is rarely about an act and normally about what may be in people's heads (yours, or the people you play with). Lots of honest talk helps to explore the reasons that doing the things we do actually appeal and, for us at least, can really take away the fear, leaving just the naughty pleasure that brings us back for more. |
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Only you can come to terms with any of your own insecurities and jealously.
It is normal to feel a twinge at first it such a surreal experience!
You have to look inside and find the route cause and decide if you wish to carry on or not. If you do, make damn sure you carry on for the right reasons.
As said, set clear boundaries and take baby steps if you do it right and when it feels natural it shouldn't be rushed.
Lastly when you offer the love of your life the world, she chooses to come back to you everytime and show her love. Then you know she is as committed to you as you are to her and it really is meant to be |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I get that... Are you a couple? If so how did ur partner overcome Seeing u with sum1 else?
Maybe it's just not for you?"
Wasp Hunter you could be right, maybe its not for them... but I know I have had some jealousy issues before and reading some of your posts on threads made me look at things from another perspective. And really helped a lot. Now I am glad I never just decided it wasnt for me. Maybe the OP should click your green arrow! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was originally part of a couple and it was he who introduced me to this site. For him he loved the idea of swinging but in reality he couldn't cope with me being with another man. Hence we're no longer a couple. Make sure it's what you both really want cause that's the only way you'll enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
Do you really want to overcome this 'barrier' Dean? If you do, then what is your main reason for wanting to do so ? So you can be with other women ( which is totally natural ) ?or so Tracy can be with other men ? Or genuinely and equally both reasons ?
See my take on what you've posted ( which could be totally off ) is that you naturally like most men, would like to have the freedom to sleep with other women other than the woman you love.....but maybe, just maybe you have the kind of love for your wife that means you do not want to share her sexually with another / other men. Nothing more or less powerful and true than the love experianced swinging couples have for each other. Maybe this is something that doesn't have to be overcome.....maybe it's just not foryou both.....which is no big deal, swinging is not for the majority of couples in the world anyway. If you both had or potentially could have a fulfilling love life before you both experimented, then why take the risk of splitting up for the sake of something your obviously not too sure about ?
Only you and Tracy can work this out between yourselves at the end of the day.
Best of luck Dean to you both and I hope you come up with the answers between you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We wouldn't really recognise the 'there's no room for jealousy' statement as for us there absolutely is. Our experience has taught us what we like and don't like and the reality is there can be a fine line between them.
We love to share and be shared but it takes the right place, time and people for it to feel right for us. So, knowing we can be jealous, we take away the elements that we know cause it.
Understanding the individual subtleties for you can take take time but we simply agree that we only ever go as far as we want.
Jealousy is rarely about an act and normally about what may be in people's heads (yours, or the people you play with). Lots of honest talk helps to explore the reasons that doing the things we do actually appeal and, for us at least, can really take away the fear, leaving just the naughty pleasure that brings us back for more. "
Yes!!  |
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There is such a fine line between turn on and jealousy.. The mind is a difficult thing to control. If you are not enjoying watching her with another man have you asked her how she feels about watching you with another woman? she might be jelous too. You really need to discuss it more with her and tell her your feelings. |
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No ones perfect at sex. There will be things some guys do better than you. Thats fine, but no one falls in love after one shag. A relationships not just based on sex, no matter how good a guy is she's not gonna fall for him just for sex.
Let's use food as an analagy, your like a burger chips and drink. A full meal, the other guys like cheese, its not a full meal but adds to yours its a little better but given the choice she's gonna want the meal.
Also even if she does like fucking other guys more she will get to have you physically and emotionally plus the guys she can use just for sex. There's no point on her leaving as she's litraly got her cake an eaten it. And so can you.
Only get jealous if you see her out having a romantic night out with another guy. Not if ones balls deep fucking her like a dirty slut lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although she will not tell you, you do realize that she will at some point (if not already) realise others are better/different than you in bed. And her interest in swinging will come not from the fact you re doing together but that she can have other men. You'll regret ever swinging; so many breakups following swinging. Slippery slope and all YOU can do is watch and sigh cos you don t want to lose her so you just have to accept that you are not exclusive anymore; unless your post is pure fantasy and you want us all to feel sorry for you "
This post may seem harsh but sometimes this does happen. For people to disregard it is pretty short sighted and narrow minded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dont know how you can say there is nothing emotional about fucking
Very easily.
I have very little if any emotional connection to any of the guys I have fucked. A few I know and like as friends which has nothing to do with sex. Then there are the men I have fucked in clubs, never even knew their name so why should I feel emotional about fucking them? "
I agree with this totally |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Reading this thread with interest.. as I would still even after all these years be mortified if Mr had someone he said was better than me...
I love to watch him with others but do get funny if he wants to play without me physically there. |
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"Reading this thread with interest.. as I would still even after all these years be mortified if Mr had someone he said was better than me...
I love to watch him with others but do get funny if he wants to play without me physically there. "
Exactly why it's one of our rules. We only play with both of us there. Saves any miss-understandings. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sex is ONE aspect of a healthy relationship.
Anybody fucking your partner has only that. It SHOULD be fantastic and even better than usual. The love the companionship etc are still only between the two of you.
Once you realise this truth there should be no jealousy. If there still is, this may not be for you. You should be more secure than that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't really get jealous. I know my husband loves me and thinks I'm gorgeous. As I do him. When he is shagging another woman, I can just see by the look in his eyes and the way he touches her and smiles at her, that it's just a fuck and it's world's apart from how we connect.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've got an ok home, its got a garden, catches the sun, and is quite near the coast. But damn there are tonnes of other houses which are far better than ours... stately houses with 20 bedrooms and rolling gardens... penthouse suites with rooftop swimming pools and views over Paris... bumbling old country cottages overlooking beautiful rustic scenes. But if I went off alone and visited them... pretty soon I'd want to go back to my crummy little ok home where my love is, where my family is, where my life is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
If there are any jealously issues, then swinging is not for you  |
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Don't let jealousy take you over, its a horrible trait.
last year i was with a couple and he turned very nasty, busting a glass flower vase over my head whilst shagging his very willing wife....
Well documented court case followed and that was worse than the head wound... Trouble with him was he had too many fantasy's and not the maturity to think if they were something real he could handle and enjoy, or just another married man fantasy where they want to see if anyone else fancies their wife. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't agree with jealousy not having a place in swinging. Jealousy is a guise for other emotions that we don't actively want to process. Many people have a sit down with their jealousy, work out what the real problems are, and become even stronger in their relationships because of that. Jealousy is a good thing if you give it the respect it needs and don't blame others for your jealousy... that's the key thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
You need to get comfortable with concept that sex is not a good barometer of love and affection. If you can then you both can enjoy each other being pleasured by others whilst love and afection is kept to when you are alone together. |
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By *bhol1Couple
over a year ago
east ardsley |
Honesty and a fucking fantastic relationship is the key after all the sex is done i go to bed with my beautiful wife who i love dearly. The fact she might have had 5 other cocks that night could never stop me loving her. Honesty and Love wins through everytime. |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
"I don't agree with jealousy not having a place in swinging. Jealousy is a guise for other emotions that we don't actively want to process. Many people have a sit down with their jealousy, work out what the real problems are, and become even stronger in their relationships because of that. Jealousy is a good thing if you give it the respect it needs and don't blame others for your jealousy... that's the key thing. "
Very good advice! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We've got an ok home, its got a garden, catches the sun, and is quite near the coast. But damn there are tonnes of other houses which are far better than ours... stately houses with 20 bedrooms and rolling gardens... penthouse suites with rooftop swimming pools and views over Paris... bumbling old country cottages overlooking beautiful rustic scenes. But if I went off alone and visited them... pretty soon I'd want to go back to my crummy little ok home where my love is, where my family is, where my life is "
Well said |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't agree with jealousy not having a place in swinging. Jealousy is a guise for other emotions that we don't actively want to process. Many people have a sit down with their jealousy, work out what the real problems are, and become even stronger in their relationships because of that. Jealousy is a good thing if you give it the respect it needs and don't blame others for your jealousy... that's the key thing.
Very good advice!"
Thank you I have a few issues with jealousy that I'm getting through at the moment... doesn't make me any less of a swinger! |
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Jealously such an ugly emotion to feel and to witness.
OP you need to talk & talk some more with your partner, discuss what brings on your feelings, work out whether you can over come them, is it an insecurity?
Is it the thought that someone else is giving your partner pleasure?
All of this really needs to be ironed over before you bring others into the state of play.
If you think that you can't overcome it, then maybe swinging isn't really for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
Are you sure you should be doing this? It might come back and haunt you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
You will not overcome that barrier because as you say you enjoyed yourself but didn't like the Mrs getting her rocks off
Gimp |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Jealously such an ugly emotion to feel and to witness.
OP you need to talk & talk some more with your partner, discuss what brings on your feelings, work out whether you can over come them, is it an insecurity?
Is it the thought that someone else is giving your partner pleasure?
All of this really needs to be ironed over before you bring others into the state of play.
If you think that you can't overcome it, then maybe swinging isn't really for you. "
Now this I agree with. I think that jealousy is useful but it is not nce to feel nor is it nice for others to see.
Good advice, it needs to be talked about. See if you can work out exactly what caused it. |
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I think most couples have insecurities or jealousies at some point in the journey, but these are only overcome by open communication and caring more about the other person than about the scene. You can pick from any number of scenarios, what works for you, and it does take each new couple a while to work out what is and isn't their thing or niche. On the other hand, there are people who really struggle with it, or have to get very d*unk before they can do it. I dont think anyone should be doing it if they are forcing themselves/ acting out as a consequence. Did you also get pleasure and enjoyment (not talking just sexual) out of the meet? It doesn't mean you are a failure if you decide it is not for you. My partner and I have 25years combined experience in all scenarios as singles and previous relationships, yet when we met, swinging suddenly for some reason didn't seem to work for us as a couple. So we are taking a break. Btw I personally see swinging as an extension of relationship sex life. Even in a gang bang, I love to look over at partner, or feel the odd touch that I know is his. There may be other bodies in the room, but emotionally I feel incredibly connected with partner, and need glances or the odd touch to convey that. I see the sexual pleasure as something born of our relationship and all the pleasure it brings, rather than an external factor. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try being cuffed to a chair and blindfolded! "
Yes please - oh sorry forgot what thread I was on for a minute!
Seriously, I got jealous once, at the start - but I thought it through very carefully, alone. Then spoke to Will, who knew something was off obviously, but gave me time and space. Appreciate that internalising is not for everyone, but it normally works for me.
If it doesn't whatever it is gets talked through, and if necessary gets added to the 'no' list!
Communication is the key.
Jealousy is seldom rational x
Sara |
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Sorry to say you will not be able to get rid of your jealousy. Once it's there it's there for good. I have never felt jealously before I started swinging with a fb of mine. Even with my husband I didn't feel jealous so it came as a shock that I was capable of such an emotion. I was not able to do the scene with the said fb as it tore me to pieces every time I read the verifications, saw the pics or knew he was with other people. But yet I was fine if we were together on the scene. Trust then became an issue between us and it was doomed. Jealousy will tear you up and spit you out. Good luck with your adventures; you're gonna need it  |
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"Jealously such an ugly emotion to feel and to witness.
OP you need to talk & talk some more with your partner, discuss what brings on your feelings, work out whether you can over come them, is it an insecurity?
Is it the thought that someone else is giving your partner pleasure?
All of this really needs to be ironed over before you bring others into the state of play.
If you think that you can't overcome it, then maybe swinging isn't really for you.
Now this I agree with. I think that jealousy is useful but it is not nce to feel nor is it nice for others to see.
Good advice, it needs to be talked about. See if you can work out exactly what caused it. "
I thought I might be jealous the first time we played with another couple, despite the fact the we have a very strong relationship.
I'm glad to say it wasn't the case, and seeing hubby pleasuring another woman was actually a huge turn on.
Swinging might sound exciting but it isn't for everyone.
If actually playing with others seems to be a problem, maybe just being in the same room as others whilst having sex or watching would give you the little extra you are seeking. |
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"Although she will not tell you, you do realize that she will at some point (if not already) realise others are better/different than you in bed. And her interest in swinging will come not from the fact you re doing together but that she can have other men. You'll regret ever swinging; so many breakups following swinging. Slippery slope and all YOU can do is watch and sigh cos you don t want to lose her so you just have to accept that you are not exclusive anymore; unless your post is pure fantasy and you want us all to feel sorry for you
This post may seem harsh but sometimes this does happen. For people to disregard it is pretty short sighted and narrow minded."
Thank you, Scarlet; and I ve noticed this denial of - some - couples is couched in the usual "we know each other better now", "we can tell each other everything" " we are stronger now" "there is more trust" and such clichéd utterances; wake up, smell the coffee - there are some halves of couples who just stay with the other half cos they are afraid to be left solo and wold rather have their other half enjoying sex with another. Let s get off some of our high horses and accept that some of our husbands/wives/partners DO prefer being in bed with others rather than their other halves which they just end up tolerating but not daring to leave; basically - get real |
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
Remember - there is difference between love and sex.
Meeting others is for sex only.
If cou can learn to be pleased that your partner is having a double dose of fun - you are half way there. |
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated!
Remember - there is difference between love and sex.
Meeting others is for sex only.
If cou can learn to be pleased that your partner is having a double dose of fun - you are half way there."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
You will never overcome it. Sorry but it's the way you are |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated!
You will never overcome it. Sorry but it's the way you are "
That is rubbish... And also from his first post I wouldn't say he was jealous... Just unsure.
But you can get over jealously. You have to work out why... And yes some people suffer with morbid jealousy... But morbid jealousy is not something you could do this lifestyle and suffer with x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest it's a question of conditioning your brain. Have a few MMFs where she is the centre of attention and make it so that your feelings of jealousy become no big deal and she appreciates your giving nature. |
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"Jealousy is often a mix of other feelings... so the first step is to own your jealousy and sit down with it,to figure out what you're actually feeling. "
Very true, I'm part of a couple too with a couple profile. And a lot of deep thought was needed to overcome my thoughts and feelings |
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I see many many men and never ever want them to tell me about who else they've seen/like/etc; if they do via message or in person, I show them the door; it has happened once only so I must be doing something right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see many many men and never ever want them to tell me about who else they've seen/like/etc; if they do via message or in person, I show them the door; it has happened once only so I must be doing something right "
You do everything right |
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By *AJANCouple
over a year ago
Lisbon |
It was hard for me to see my partner with another woman. I had tried swinging before but was always with guys I didn't love. When you and care for someone is diferent; specially when you insecure and unsure of what can happen. Best thing is to talk and maybe try in diferent ways. Only do same room and just watching the other couples? Maybe slowly adding some only girls playing?
Main think is to talk and if you really want to swing see what it works best for both. Communication is the key. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Main think is to talk and if you really want to swing see what it works best for both. Communication is the key. "
Definitely communication, and within that reassurance, lots of it, and from both of you too.
Even when you get to a point when you feel comfortable dont get complacent, it's important to show your partner she (or he) is still the one you want and is better for you than anyone else.
That should go for any relationship, whether swinging or not! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wanted to try swinging because i wanted my wife to pursue her bi side i guess, since i am a man and will never become a women and beable to do those things that she misses with female sexual acts i guess, our first meet she arranged was with a couple, wasnt actually what i entered the world of swinging for, but 1 drink led to another and before i knew it there where 2 women playing with my cock, when i saw her partner sitting there, i sent my wife to pleasure him, she did so.
Truthfully i felt really uncomfortable with the act and very angry that she had done so, i asked for it to stop, which it did. my wife spent some time reasuring me, then i fucked her several times, i'd say quite angrily and roughly.. I think it was mainly the fact that we said it would be something we would do together, an as soon as she had left me and it wasnt something we was doing together, guess i felt a little betrayed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Main think is to talk and if you really want to swing see what it works best for both. Communication is the key.
Definitely communication, and within that reassurance, lots of it, and from both of you too.
Even when you get to a point when you feel comfortable dont get complacent, it's important to show your partner she (or he) is still the one you want and is better for you than anyone else.
That should go for any relationship, whether swinging or not!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Embrace your jealousy and become a cuckold. Enjoy the feeling of jealousy and humilation and take the positives from it as you must learn to endure the fact that your wife now needs bigger cocks. You've opened that pandora's box already now. Do you think she will want to stop now. I suspect not if she is now enjoying herself. Get rid of your control freakery and you will learn to be the man she really wants.
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"I get that... Are you a couple? If so how did ur partner overcome Seeing u with sum1 else?
Maybe it's just not for you?"
My thoughts exactly. Think hard about it. It might just not be in you to be able to accept it or enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Embrace your jealousy and become a cuckold. Enjoy the feeling of jealousy and humilation and take the positives from it as you must learn to endure the fact that your wife now needs bigger cocks. You've opened that pandora's box already now. Do you think she will want to stop now. I suspect not if she is now enjoying herself. Get rid of your control freakery and you will learn to be the man she really wants.
"
What terrible advice. |
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"Embrace your jealousy and become a cuckold. Enjoy the feeling of jealousy and humilation and take the positives from it as you must learn to endure the fact that your wife now needs bigger cocks. You've opened that pandora's box already now. Do you think she will want to stop now. I suspect not if she is now enjoying herself. Get rid of your control freakery and you will learn to be the man she really wants.
"
guess we all entitled to offer advice but i fail to see that this is good advice sorry (posted by Fem)  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Embrace your jealousy and become a cuckold. Enjoy the feeling of jealousy and humilation and take the positives from it as you must learn to endure the fact that your wife now needs bigger cocks. You've opened that pandora's box already now. Do you think she will want to stop now. I suspect not if she is now enjoying herself. Get rid of your control freakery and you will learn to be the man she really wants.
"
Well each to their own but being part of a cuck couple (the cuck) has nothing to do with anything you have said.
It takes time commitment trust and honesty to be able to give yourself 100%.
I have jealousy often, but part of the joy of the lifestyle is being pacified and made to feel truly needed. To advise someone unsure about themselves to enter into an extremely complex series of emotions cannot be seen as good advice. As a fellow cuck I find the way that portrays us particularly offensive.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say talk. Sit down and explore the real issue as jealousy generally as said before is a mask for other emotions
Be completely honest. If you decide to go down the swing route, we found clubs the best at first.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks to 99% of you for your sound advice, it is something we will pursue as a couple and see where it takes us, if either of us don't like it then we stop we have agreed to this. Again thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fact of life how I see them...
Sex is the same as anything else, you will be better at it than some and worse than others..
Some peoples cars will be bigger than yours and some smaller...
Jealousy has no place in swinging at all, there is nothing more arousing than seeing your partner being pleasured.
Swinging is emotional and no amount of nay saying will change it, yes it is just sex but the emotional connection you have with your partner whilst playing and watching each other play is amazing.
Just remember if one wants to stop, respect that decision and stop.
This is all my own opinion only.
Good luck and tread gently. |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"My wife and i want to swing, we have had a very brief play with another couple and enjoyed it however I found it difficult to come to terms with especially seeing her with another man, how can I overcome this barrier? Any ideas would be appreciated! "
Before you can overcome your jealosy you have to understand what is causing it.
Do you feel insecure?
If so talk to your wife about your fears. Marriage is about communication and mutual enjoyment.
Do you feel you have lost power over your wife?
That is good learn to live with it and become one with your wife rather than your wife being another object you own.
Talk to her tell her how you felt when you watched her with another man.
If you love your wife you will want to give her oppertunities of enjoyment.
Do you do thing your wife enjoys but you find boring, if not why not?
Does your wife do thing you enjoy but she finds boring, if not why not?
Marriage is as much about giving as taking.
Are you jealos of your wife in other aspects of your life?
If so perhaps you need professional help.
Jealsousy is complex and cannot be cured by a quick question on a forum, it is often a symptom of a bigger problem.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Kate stopped everything when she saw me looking uncomfortable. She sat me down. We talked about it. My feelings and everything else, i love my wife more for that. The reassurance i got. The fact it is something we will only do together.
Being mature enough to Talk about your concerns is key. To accept whats being said, made sex that night so much better. I think sara gave wonderful advice. Its not easy, but talking does make things easier and much clearer. If anything. Her talk strengthened our relationship, not to mention the understanding couple. |
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