FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > jealousy!!!! how do you ladies do it?????
jealousy!!!! how do you ladies do it?????
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By *uju1402 OP Couple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
me and hubby are new to the scene and we have had mmf now we want to try ffm i am willing to try out my bi side but dont think i could handle hubby touching another woman ???? selfish i know stupid too we have been together nearly twenty years but..... dunno give me some tips ladies pppllleeeaassseee  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's neither selfish, nor stupid- it's human nature.
All I can say is take it slowly and see how things go on the meet. Go for coffee first and see how you think they get on....he'll be coming home to you after all.
 |
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By *ohjaneCouple
over a year ago
south staffs |
IMHO jealousy is often a product of insecurity.
If you are worried about Hubby running away with another then maybe you should not be swinging ??
I hope you can talk with him about it and work it out.
Jane x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out???  "
How did your hubby feel when he saw you with another guy?
Perhaps you should try soft swing to start of with another couple?
You get to have fem/fem fun then see how it goes from there? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
Forum Mod |
"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out??? "
If you're going to want to scratch some poor womans eyes out that you have invited to play with the both of you then you're not ready for this |
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if you cant separate what you and hubby have and what happens with another woman then dont do it !! not fair on any of parties and just a car crash waiting to happen ! any jealousy has no place in swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out???
If you're going to want to scratch some poor womans eyes out that you have invited to play with the both of you then you're not ready for this"
Have to agree with that- didn't realise it was quite that strong a feeling! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Agree with jane,jealousy and swinging do not mix.
We had a bad meet about 4 yrs ago when the female of couple actually dragged me of her husband when we were all having fun,she was happy to play with my man but didnt want her man having fun with me. |
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By *uju1402 OP Couple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with??? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like your not ready to progress to this level yet or it wouldnt be giving you so much trouble.
I know of a cpl who play ....she can do as she wishes with anyone but he can not do anything other than watch.
Because of her insecurities.
Totally un fair and people with insecurities like that should not be swinging.
It not only gives you grief in the form of the green eyed monster but think of the other lady. what a position to be in.
But this is my opinion only.  |
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"he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with??? "
Get a grip - i don't want to be harsh but if you are that jealous you shouldn't be swinging - I love Steve and know he loves me but I don't get jealous seeing him pleasing another woman - it turns me on as I know what it feels like. Z |
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if you have to post asking how to deal with it then theres your answer..DONT DO IT !!!!! you shouldnt have to talk yourself into summit !!! if your not 100% sure about things then you dont do it! people dont need to be dragged in to your domestics and no woman with any sense would enter this situation with yous !
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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like someone else said.
Jealousy and swinging do not go together.
Maybe you should stick to soft swing with each other.
Would save a lot of heartache in the long run. Because it will be your insecurities than will cause more problems than the act it self |
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By *uju1402 OP Couple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
im not insecure or jelous im just contenplating letting the love of my life fuck another woman???? in his line of work he meets lots of beautiful young women and he is being offered sexual favours all the time i trust him completely but it would be my first time im not talking myself into it or being talked into it i just want help???? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with??? "
So you don't want to be left out, but you're happy if he's left out... thats so so selfish |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been on both sides of this one, as a single woman and as part of a couple inviting a single woman to join me and my man, I have to agree with everyone else, you are NOT ready for this.
Give it more thought, try soft swing, but for now, give it a miss!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you feel jealous about seeing your hubby with another woman then i agree you are not ready for this step.
If your hubby is totally happy just watching you have fun then go for it, but make sure you are upfront with the female stating he is only there to watch and she cannot touch him or him her.
As for your question soft swing is playing with another couple as in the foreplay but the ultimate act is only between you and your hubby. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with???
Get a grip - i don't want to be harsh but if you are that jealous you shouldn't be swinging - I love Steve and know he loves me but I don't get jealous seeing him pleasing another woman - it turns me on as I know what it feels like. Z"
thats exactly how i used to feel when i was swinging with a partner ...i just loved watching him with another woman cos i knew how good he was !! but the best feeling was when i got to take him home!! i knew he felt the same about mew with another guy ..so its a 2 way thing ..if the OP has doubts then its a no brainer ....dont go there !!! |
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By *uju1402 OP Couple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
"he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with???
So you don't want to be left out, but you're happy if he's left out... thats so so selfish "
i make sure he is never left out!!!! i make sure he is fine with everything!!!!! |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out???
If you're going to want to scratch some poor womans eyes out that you have invited to play with the both of you then you're not ready for this"
going to sound like a broken record here.. but the above is so true... if you have any pang of jealousy going on at all then I don't think you should be doing this...
it is suppose to be about sharing a enjoying the experiences... if you are not enjoying that don't do..... |
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By *uju1402 OP Couple
over a year ago
nuneaton |
"If you feel jealous about seeing your hubby with another woman then i agree you are not ready for this step.
If your hubby is totally happy just watching you have fun then go for it, but make sure you are upfront with the female stating he is only there to watch and she cannot touch him or him her.
As for your question soft swing is playing with another couple as in the foreplay but the ultimate act is only between you and your hubby."
right thankyou for explaining that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"me and hubby are new to the scene and we have had mmf now we want to try ffm i am willing to try out my bi side but dont think i could handle hubby touching another woman ???? selfish i know stupid too we have been together nearly twenty years but..... dunno give me some tips ladies pppllleeeaassseee "
I think you should also remember that the woman you bring into this FFM is actually a person (not a sex toy) who would hope to get something out of this as well as you and your husband. Also, she would be on her own so will be trusting you implicitly to put HER at ease. She's the one stepping into an unknown zone, at least you two know each other. Sometimes I think people forget that it's quite a big deal for a single woman to just go meet people all by herself. It's why I'm extremely careful and sure before I meet the couple that I know we will get on (as much as anyone can be) and that there are no jealousy issues. That's the thing I look out for above all else, any hint of it and there's a Jenny shaped hole in the wall
To sum up, I agree with the majority of posters here, you're not ready yet and after you posting this, I think you'll have a job finding a single fem who'll play with you anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I agree with Jenny above and the other posters. If you're worried about jealousy now, and you havent even been in the situation, then dont do it. Because if you rush it, you will regret it and it will eat away at you and cause you problems.
Jealousy can rear its head to all of us, we are all human, but hopefully we have experienced some things in swinging and force ourselves to move on through any spark of jealousy. I have felt it at times, like the time a woman made my guy come through sucking him, something he hadnt done with me. I felt a surge of jealousy that she had a better technique than me. Its not solely about that though, my guy was in a different but sexy situation, a new lady, the whole ambiance etc etc, its all those things, but after the sex, hes back with me, arm around me, talking and laughing with me. You have to look at it in that way. Yes the men are gonna absolutely love being with a different woman, but you have to enjoy it with them, enjoy the look of ecstacy on their faces, enjoy what they do sexually with other woman, if you cant do that, you're not ready - dont rush  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your hubby is happy to just watch you and the fem, it could work - so long as all know that there's only gonna be fem on fem play. That's not uncommon. And it could be a way for you to "try out" your bi curiousness (if that's a word!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Get a grip - i don't want to be harsh but if you are that jealous you shouldn't be swinging - I love Steve and know he loves me but I don't get jealous seeing him pleasing another woman - it turns me on as I know what it feels like. Z"
.
Thats a good point, if the prospect of seeing your partner with someone else isnt a positive thing, then its likely to end in tears, you shouldnt feel like youre wrestling with jealousy or trying to control the negative emotions |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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After you have done it 2 or 3 times it get better you see xx and it may even turn you on more then you know .... I am bi so its normal for us too ffm John do his thing and love looking and me and woman x its FUN swinging is , Just see it for what it is ...... sexy fun your the one going home with him.... your the one whos with him ... its just fun to spice up your lifes. jo xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out??? "
....scratch her eyes out, id say dont even go there your not ready talk about if with your hubby some more. Or just stick to what your both happy with mmf.
* Creeps round grave yard * |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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your not the only women to feel like this
this is why i dont meet couples because so many of them are not ready for it, women do it because her hubby wants her too, or does it to try and be 'fair' to the guy so she can play with men, but seriously its not fair on the women you meet if your not ready for it, its not a nice feeling to be invited to join a couple only to be left sat in the middle of bust up and used as a scape goat so they can say it wasnt their fault it all went wrong but yours
If you feel like 'scratching her eyes out' dont do it because its just not fair on everyone
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"me and hubby are new to the scene and we have had mmf now we want to try ffm i am willing to try out my bi side but dont think i could handle hubby touching another woman ???? selfish i know stupid too we have been together nearly twenty years but..... dunno give me some tips ladies pppllleeeaassseee "
Here's a tip: If thats how you feel, you really should not be doing it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i think a little jealousy is a natural reaction to what is going on around you!!
but this reaction sounds alot more than that! if im honest!
you can either wait talk it through and try to discuss how you feel with your partner before trying something!
if you do invite someone explain that this is your first time and you want to take it slowly, if it becomes to uncomfortable then say stop then continue with communicating and see how you feel, you should know then if you could do it again or not!!
donna x |
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the best thing for you to do would delete your profile. you are not ready for this as you was happy in an mmf but not happy in a ffm it does sound selfish and anyone whos read this thread would not meet you because of your insucuratits. and you will be looking for ages for a single fem we still havent even had one yet. if you was to still carry on id suggest meeting a cpl for soft swing |
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I personally do not think you should be on here, not until you have looked deep and hard as to your reasons for being here.
Basically you seem to be saying, its great and cool for you to get your rocks off with another guy, but not for your husband to want the same thing with a female.
Oh and its cool for you to play with another female, but not your husband. This is seeming very one sided.
So as single bi fems are very hard to find, and even harder for you because some won't play with bi-curious females, why not try soft swap with couples (soft swap is entirely up to you to define the rules and boundaries), just to see how you feel when it comes down to it. |
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"me and hubby are new to the scene and we have had mmf now we want to try ffm i am willing to try out my bi side but dont think i could handle hubby touching another woman ???? selfish i know stupid too we have been together nearly twenty years but..... dunno give me some tips ladies pppllleeeaassseee "
There are no tips for turning off your feelings.... you either can or can't. It either appeals or it doesn't and if it doesn't... don't do it, especially if you are doing it to keep someone else happy.
May be time will change the way you feel, but until you think it has, you should avoid it... or be prepared for the fallout when you start carrying the baggage of regret and resentment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i know he will be coming home with me and i know he loves me x but oh god how do i concentrate when i wanna scratch her eyes out??? "
In our opinion it sounds like you've chosen the wrong game to be in.
Swinging is all about sharing, gladly, happily and without jealousy and animosity.
It may sound like we're being harsh but from what your saying your better off calling a halt before you cause a rift in your relationship and upset or embarrassment to others. 
XXXX |
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i thought all comments are constructive ! may not be what you want to hear but people not here to just say oh there ,there its all gonna be fine !!!if thats what you want then dont post . theres alot of people with here with years of knowledge of the site and swinging and giving very sound common sense ,eye opening advice . what you take from and want to hear it is totally up to yourself but a clear theame running through whole post ..... |
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"thankyou to everyone that commented on this x some comments helped others didnt x thanks for your input anyway x "
It's a pity that you thought that some weren't helpful, perhaps they were the ones that were advising you against going forward? If you ask for advice here, you'll get honesty and knowledge - how you use that is entirely up to you. All the best, Z |
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By *ytraCouple
over a year ago
Wrexham |
IMO the OP is being selfish and should not even contemplate this, seems to me that she is more than happy to have all the fun and now her hubby has said he would like to join in and be more than just an observer it's not right, i personally think that the marriage should be looked at closer as there is obviously a significant amount of distrust.
Like i say just my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks
One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!
I'm currently seeing a lovely lady off here & things are going really well.
She has a massive sex drive & I'm not always there. She teases me that she's got 'someone' round to please her & again not been to worried as she admits she teases & if she does get a friend in, if I know about it fine - everyone has needs
What I think I'm getting jealous over is she's hidden texts from me teasing blokes that know about us that she still wants them.
I'm starting to feel paranoid that I'll not fulfill her needs. Is this jealousy?
Any thoughts please? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks
One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!
I'm currently seeing a lovely lady off here & things are going really well.
She has a massive sex drive & I'm not always there. She teases me that she's got 'someone' round to please her & again not been to worried as she admits she teases & if she does get a friend in, if I know about it fine - everyone has needs
What I think I'm getting jealous over is she's hidden texts from me teasing blokes that know about us that she still wants them.
I'm starting to feel paranoid that I'll not fulfill her needs. Is this jealousy?
Any thoughts please?"
if shes hiding anything from you then shes not being honest and thats the crux of a good relationship ....nuff said .... |
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It really all depends upon the kind of relationship that you percieve that you have, you obviously feel it is a 'boy friend/girlfriend' relationship, does she? Or does she see you as fuck buddies? If you are bf/gf she shouldn't hide anything from you and it doesn't matter what it is. Perhaps you need to sit down and have a conversation about this as she is probably totally unaware of your issues. Good luck. Z |
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"thankyou to everyone that commented on this x some comments helped others didnt x thanks for your input anyway x "
I thought everyone was quite helpful... I have just gone throug the whole thread to check.
But, I do have some additional tips for you.
Shut your eyes and imagine your ol' man balls deep in another woman, he's really enjoying fucking her, when he says "oh god you feel so good"... Do you feel excited at the thought? Is your crotch getting moist and a dozen thoughts going through your head of how you could make it feel even better by cupping his balls or something or another.
Does the thought of him stopping kissing you so he can get his head between her legs turn you on? Are you thinking how horny it would be to help him?
Do you like the thought of him stroking her body and telling her she is beautiful as she takes him deep in her mouth.
If the answer to any of the above is 'no' .... then do the other woman a favour and don't invite her around.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I never got jealous before & now I think I am &'it sucks
One of my ex's was an escort & apart from her safety it never bothered me as I knew she was coming back to me!
I'm currently seeing a lovely lady off here & things are going really well.
She has a massive sex drive & I'm not always there. She teases me that she's got 'someone' round to please her & again not been to worried as she admits she teases & if she does get a friend in, if I know about it fine - everyone has needs
What I think I'm getting jealous over is she's hidden texts from me teasing blokes that know about us that she still wants them.
I'm starting to feel paranoid that I'll not fulfill her needs. Is this jealousy?
Any thoughts please?"
how do you know shes been hiding text?
have you been snooping thro her phone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hehe seems to now be 2 threads
Yes we're bf/gf & yes I'm talking about these feelings to her & she understands & respect them - she knows I'm posting on here as I'm trying to understand if it jealousy (new feelings I'm having)
I trust people & let's face it if you meet someone off here you know 1. They love sex & 2. You should be open enough to talk freely about what you want.
This relationship has hit both of us when we weren't expecting it - love at first sight so to speak. Being honest to each other we both have high sex drives & when we can't see each other we have an understanding that we can play providing it's in the open between us.
I/we can see a future together - I want to know am I becoming jealous or not lol
As for going through phones - we both take pics of ourselves & show each other when we catch up so we have no issues about who sees what or at last that's what i thought Lol |
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By *iewMan
over a year ago
Forum Mod Angus & Findhorn |
and she leaves the site and you stay on because you can handle it... you ask about jealousy and going thro each other phones.
are you delusional?
and I have only ever had 1 relationship in my life... so, am no expert...
but even I think.. not looking good.
but I seriously do hope it works out for you both and you are happy x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You do sound head over heels, which is rather lovely for you - except. it's a long long time since i've seen a grown man so blinded by what others can see so clearly.
Hope the tears that are sure to come are tears of joy and not of the inevitable heartbreak that's on it's way.
xxx
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"he said to start with he would be happy just to watch? but now he wants to join in! im not insecure but he is mine? i know he wont run off he worships me? but dont it.......???? i dunno? i dont wanna get left out?????i am the only woman he has ever been with??? "
dont do it - you havent the right metality for it to go well. why force yourself to do something you are not happy to do - disaster beckons for all parties. not fair on anyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
As for going through phones - we both take pics of ourselves & show each other when we catch up so we have no issues about who sees what or at last that's what i thought Lol"
in that case i cant see your problem
if she knows you go thro her phone and read her messages then if she was doing stuff behind your back she delete them surely?
the fact shes left them on knowing your going to read them means shes not hiding them
well thats how i see it anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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tbh its clear that it is going to end in disaster and i think you are clever enough to realise this. why would u ever do anything you dont want to do?? its crazy!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like your not ready to progress to this level yet or it wouldnt be giving you so much trouble.
I know of a cpl who play ....she can do as she wishes with anyone but he can not do anything other than watch.
Because of her insecurities.
Totally un fair and people with insecurities like that should not be swinging.
It not only gives you grief in the form of the green eyed monster but think of the other lady. what a position to be in.
But this is my opinion only. "
We have experienced 3 occasions like this where the m has not played with me or has just made token gestures. Either because she has not given the ok or cos he gets off on watching.
Now, I fear that if this situation occurs again I will pull the woman off my man and fuck him myself! However, we have put measures into place which I hope will avoid this situation occurring.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My husband and I have been swinging for a number of years, talking the whole time about our wants and likes.
A year ago my husband said he wanted to just watch for a while (he said he loved watching me playing but didnt want to play) so I changed the profile and username to reflect this (we became horny wife and watcher) so anyone messaging us would know what and who we were looking for.
We both got what we wanted and when he felt he wanted to play again I again changed the profile.
If (like I did) you change your profile to reflect what you are looking for it may help with finding who and what you are looking for, then there is less room for confusion.
What concerns me most about the OP is that she isnt happy to allow (and I do mean allow as thats how I read it) to play and have fun while she is more than happy to play and have fun, to me this swinging malarky is all about everyone having fun and getting what they want.
As others have said maybe a rethink about what you are looking for from this site, or at the very least a long hard difficult chat with your hubby is whats needed.
Honesty needs to be the basis of any partnership be it on here or in a marrage, no matter how hard and difficult you or he find it.
Its the only way to be since feelings of jealousy or general unhappiness will lead to jealousy and unhappiness in the rest of your marrage (or relationship) and remember nothing worth having comes easy, we all have to make allowances, thats what I do when I go thru my bedroom and leave my hubby to watch the football in peace 
Shona
x x x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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has as been said,dont do it...find it a little odd you have your cake in the form of a mmf then act up when its your mans turn...you should have talked more before jumping in.
very selfish tbh. |
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