FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Should certain preferences be hidden?
Should certain preferences be hidden?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm quite specific in my profile about only looking for Caucasian men. My preference comes from experience; in all the time I've been sexually active, I haven't found black or Asian men sexually arousing. This preference has been discussed many a time on the forum.
However, this preference does provoke the odd accusation of racism, either straight away or when I refer the sender of a message to the preference in my profile. I'm not here to debate the whole race argument, it's been done.
Do you believe certain preferences should be hidden or not disclosed on profiles because they have the potential to offend? Is it better to avoid accusation or is honesty the best policy?
And yes, I have reported and blocked the people involved. I'm just interested to know how the people of fab manage their preferences in relation to others.
Ta! |
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By *urvyemmaWoman
over a year ago
wigan/bolton |
I have literally just been called racist by a black guy. .I find it so offensive. .I can't help what colour of skin I fancy anymore than the fact that I fancy tall men over shorter ones!
It is an issue yes..but not sure what the answer is |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just had a read of your profile and it just describes what you're looking for. Anyone that doesn't fit that criteria shouldn't waste their time by sending you a message. It's up to you who you want to meet and you know what you find attractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're saving them time by letting them know you're not interested before they message you.
Some guys will accuse you of being racist in a desperate attempt to get you to feel guilty, some will genuinely be offended.
Up to you how you run your profile though and not them.
I've only removed interests when it pissed me off to have them on my profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's your profile,do what you see fit!
There's nothing racist in there,and you haven't offended anyone in your text,so just delete and block anyone that gives you grief... |
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By *LCCCouple
over a year ago
Cambridge |
We have never had a problem with the way we have worded it. But obviously not everyone reads profiles.
It always makes me smile though when we get winks and friend requests from people who say they are ONLY looking for BBC. I think, well you're not going to get that from us, we are an average sized white male and an asian female! |
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By *at69driveMan
over a year ago
Wisbech and A47 corridor |
"I'm quite specific in my profile about only looking for Caucasian men. My preference comes from experience; in all the time I've been sexually active, I haven't found black or Asian men sexually arousing. This preference has been discussed many a time on the forum.
However, this preference does provoke the odd accusation of racism, either straight away or when I refer the sender of a message to the preference in my profile. I'm not here to debate the whole race argument, it's been done.
Do you believe certain preferences should be hidden or not disclosed on profiles because they have the potential to offend? Is it better to avoid accusation or is honesty the best policy?
And yes, I have reported and blocked the people involved. I'm just interested to know how the people of fab manage their preferences in relation to others.
Ta!"
. As it is your profile you have every right to state your preferences.
By being honest and disclosing your likes and dislikes you are saving other members time and they know not to contact you .
These members can contact those who state on their profile that they are seeking bbc . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to shag men - does that make me sexist?
I don't find morbidly obese people sexually attractive - does that make me fattist?
I know several people over 100 but I don't want to shag them - does that make me ageist?
Any options for selection can be criticised by people who make silly generalisations. They just won't accept that sexual preferences are not an indicator of general prejudice.
Screw them! (or not, as the case may be) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm quite specific in my profile about only looking for Caucasian men. My preference comes from experience; in all the time I've been sexually active, I haven't found black or Asian men sexually arousing. This preference has been discussed many a time on the forum.
However, this preference does provoke the odd accusation of racism, either straight away or when I refer the sender of a message to the preference in my profile. I'm not here to debate the whole race argument, it's been done.
Do you believe certain preferences should be hidden or not disclosed on profiles because they have the potential to offend? Is it better to avoid accusation or is honesty the best policy?
And yes, I have reported and blocked the people involved. I'm just interested to know how the people of fab manage their preferences in relation to others.
Look personal preferences have to be the individuals right you are just stating what you like judging or generalising based on the colour of someones skin is racist but we all generalise its mostly done because we don't think before we speak but hey we are human and we make mistakes ,in my experience all races are racist at some point ,I personally don't give a damn what anyone thinks of me I try to be respectful but you're always going to offend someone at some point ,don't worry about it is what I say just have fun ,the haters will hate and the lovers will love x
Ta!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I got accused of being racist when I declined an offer from a black guy. i told him my boyfriend is black but apparently his view was all that mattered. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't list our ethnic dislikes on our profile for precisely this reason, although we do not meet certain people. Easier just to block/ignore messages from ppl you don't fancy than list a preference, as it does just make people sound racist-even when they are not-the mere referencing of it in 2015 seems wrong. Shouldn't be that way of course, but hey ho. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't ever hide anything on here. If people can't be bothered to read your profile that's their problem. If they do and message you with abuse report them. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't ever hide anything on here. If people can't be bothered to read your profile that's their problem. If they do and message you with abuse report them. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone on here. "
Says a member with a hidden profile-amazingly hilarious!  |
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By their logic, anyone only seeking heterosexual meetings is homophobic. What utter twaddle! Their narrow-minded, only black/white exists, attitude shows how right you were in declining their approach. They must have a massive chip on their shoulders. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Certain preferences may result in a backlash of messages. I suppose only you can decide whether it's worth the hassle to have them displayed."
This.
I prefer to keep everything private as far as preferences. I find it much easier. No-one bitches at me about it because they don't know the real reason I turn them down.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Perhaps our biggest dislike on this site in terms of weird hypocrisy, are the women and couples who state 'BBC' only. They are invariably white people, and yet they have an obsession with allegedly big black cocks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a way of going about stating your preferences. Profiles that proudly state 'no blacks/Asian, white British only' are clearly not just not attracted to non white people, they are very likely out and out racists. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is a way of going about stating your preferences. Profiles that proudly state 'no blacks/Asian, white British only' are clearly not just not attracted to non white people, they are very likely out and out racists."
I agree it makes a difference how people word things. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Perhaps our biggest dislike on this site in terms of weird hypocrisy, are the women and couples who state 'BBC' only. They are invariably white people, and yet they have an obsession with allegedly big black cocks. "
I wonder if these people have similar issues with non black people dropping the race card regarding their preference?
Thanks for all the input everyone. It's some interesting reading |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'll also just specify (in response to some private messages) that I can appreciate a handsome man of any race, I'm just not sexually attracted to them. Much like I can see when a woman is beautiful but have no desire to sleep with her |
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Why do you feel the need to give a reason for rejecting someone? Do you do it with white guys you turn down? "Sorry, you're too ugly" " sorry you have a huge nose and I never fuck bignoses" "sorry not looking for blonde guys" "sorry baldy gits apply elsewhere"
Just say no thanks, a rejection doesn't need an added insult. Or even just don't reply, you aren't obligated to. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Why do you feel the need to give a reason for rejecting someone? Do you do it with white guys you turn down? "Sorry, you're too ugly" " sorry you have a huge nose and I never fuck bignoses" "sorry not looking for blonde guys" "sorry baldy gits apply elsewhere"
Just say no thanks, a rejection doesn't need an added insult. Or even just don't reply, you aren't obligated to."
As I said, some of these aren't in response to a chat up line. Just an out of the blue "fucking racist bitch" seems to be the favourite. Other times, guys will ask "do you do black guys/do you want BBC?". I usually respond that had they read the profile they'd know otherwise.
I'm not specifically saying it to them but I point out they haven't read my profile properly. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why do you feel the need to give a reason for rejecting someone? Do you do it with white guys you turn down? "Sorry, you're too ugly" " sorry you have a huge nose and I never fuck bignoses" "sorry not looking for blonde guys" "sorry baldy gits apply elsewhere"
Just say no thanks, a rejection doesn't need an added insult. Or even just don't reply, you aren't obligated to.
As I said, some of these aren't in response to a chat up line. Just an out of the blue "fucking racist bitch" seems to be the favourite. Other times, guys will ask "do you do black guys/do you want BBC?". I usually respond that had they read the profile they'd know otherwise.
I'm not specifically saying it to them but I point out they haven't read my profile properly. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong"
I'm surprised you bother to reply.They've clearly not read your profile at all!Just delete and block,save your energy on the decent guys,who you may like to meet,that read your profile and send you a decent message... |
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A preference is like being presented with a bowl of fruit and choosing to have an orange, because that is what you prefer.
To be racist is like being presented with the same of fruit and taking out all the apples, because in your mind they don't count as fruit.
Stick to your guns and state your preference. It's far better in the long run. And if people are too stupid to understand the difference, they're obviously not the kind of people you want to meet anyhow. Just block them and continue.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We tried not having the preferences on their but then got messages saying "is it because I'm black, Asian etc"...
So we put it on there. Then people weren't noticing so we put it at the top... We get guys messaging all the Time saying that they read our profile and think they are what we are looking for. And it clearly states that they are the complete opposite
Put what you like op as long as your not nasty about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A preference is a preference at the end of the day...its like the age thing ..some like some dont...no big deal..just move on and block them if they dont like it...as well as reporting them if they get abusive over it |
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"Why do you feel the need to give a reason for rejecting someone? Do you do it with white guys you turn down? "Sorry, you're too ugly" " sorry you have a huge nose and I never fuck bignoses" "sorry not looking for blonde guys" "sorry baldy gits apply elsewhere"
Just say no thanks, a rejection doesn't need an added insult. Or even just don't reply, you aren't obligated to.
As I said, some of these aren't in response to a chat up line. Just an out of the blue "fucking racist bitch" seems to be the favourite. Other times, guys will ask "do you do black guys/do you want BBC?". I usually respond that had they read the profile they'd know otherwise.
I'm not specifically saying it to them but I point out they haven't read my profile properly. Maybe that's where I'm going wrong
I'm surprised you bother to reply.They've clearly not read your profile at all!Just delete and block,save your energy on the decent guys,who you may like to meet,that read your profile and send you a decent message..."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"People should respects preferences. People certainly shouldn't get offended."
that's why we have that option but its mostly down to lack of reading of profiles |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I need to see your face and body to decide if I fancy you, not really fussed about seeing your cock at this stage.
This is the only bit I don't really like. Mainly because you don't show a face pic, but ask for one.
I don't mind sending face pics, but it would be nice when if you ask for one that put one up.
Other than that, your preference is your preference.
And way too many people jump on the racism band wagon. You put caucasian, but I have no problem being called white. LOL!
Reading a post the other day, a guy expressed a preference for mixed race ladies. Someone basically accused him of being inadvertently racist and inferring that his request was based on collecting trophy's.
Personally, I like white, Asian, mixed race and I feel very attracted to very dark skinned black people, providing I find them attractive. The colour of someone's skin isn't a pre-requisite.
I like tall, small, skinny, fat. Basically, it doesn't matter to me, as long as I find you attractive in some way.
I think that there's enough prejudice's in this world without people looking to make issues out of nothing.
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