FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Hubbys Special Friend

Hubbys Special Friend

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok some advice! Weve not been swinging that long but L has now got herself a special friend as she likes to call him!

However L would also like to me have someone but it seems far harder for me to find someone!!

Now is this because we are down as a couple and women therefore think im cheating? L is happy to confirm that she is happy if you know what i mean.

Any advice on this would be welcome!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Its easy for a woman to find a man on here, you only have to look at the ratios of men/women. But I'll be honest as a single girl with limited time, why would I want to play with a bloke that only wants me as an addition to his marriage to please his wife, when I have my pic of yummy blokes that are single and want me because THEY want me? Get my point?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

no idea but good luck!!!

and a very merry christmas to you both x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *-and-KCouple over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Hmmm, from the tone of the letter I would start to question whether this marriage is sound.

Not been swinging for long but the wife has a special friend. So to ease her conscience or appease the husband, she tells him to find a partner as well.

Something is not quite right here. Swinging is something both partners join in with, not just one of them. Who suggested the idea of swinging, was it your wife? Do you play as a couple with this 'special friend'? or is it something your wife does alone?

If its the latter I think you really need to question whether you both need some sort of councelling rather than swinging partners.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Ok some advice! Weve not been swinging that long but L has now got herself a special friend as she likes to call him!

However L would also like to me have someone but it seems far harder for me to find someone!!

Now is this because we are down as a couple and women therefore think im cheating? L is happy to confirm that she is happy if you know what i mean.

Any advice on this would be welcome!!

no its because if you meet alone as far as swinging goes your a single male, so you will have all the difficuilty in finding a meet that every other single guy has on here

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I personally think that if she as a special friend and you don't then it sounds a bit iffy to me. Are you happy for her to meet her "special friend" even though you don't have one? and what if you never find one,also ask this question as I have found this in the past,its alright for one part of the couple to have a "special friend" and not for the other,I have found this with lots of couples.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hmmm, from the tone of the letter I would start to question whether this marriage is sound.

Not been swinging for long but the wife has a special friend. So to ease her conscience or appease the husband, she tells him to find a partner as well.

If its the latter I think you really need to question whether you both need some sort of councelling rather than swinging partners."

I totally agree,I think she thinks its ok for her to have a friend,but sod hubby if he can't find one as she will keep meeting her friend. Sort your marriage out,then if you want to swing,swing as couple,not meeting people by yourselfs,I have done this in a relationship it does not work

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm on my phone and It's decided it don't like the quotes today but sounds like your wife is having the best of both worlds.

I agree with whats been said about you need to talk, now you haven't said if you both play when she's with her special friend, if not then I think you have issue's.

Now I play alone, but don't have anyone that's special, I'd not dream of meeting alone and not have my husband watching or there'..

IT sounds like your oking your wifes affair to be honest. HOpe we are wrong.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The OP hasnt said its an issue between them his wife having a special friend,it must have been something they have talked about for them to have and want someone regular to meet.

I know other couples where the male half or fem halve also have regular people they meet on their own.

I agree with what was said that guys do find it harder to get meets,so it will take time.

Good luck x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ifferentClassMan over a year ago

Glasgow

"Hmmm, from the tone of the letter I would start to question whether this marriage is sound.

Not been swinging for long but the wife has a special friend. So to ease her conscience or appease the husband, she tells him to find a partner as well.

If its the latter I think you really need to question whether you both need some sort of councelling rather than swinging partners."

I would not necessarily agree with this. Clearly Mr also gets something out of wife having a special friend and Mrs is keen to experience this too. I think it is a bit much to be questioning the soundness of a marriage on this flimsy premise. Swinging involves bringing others into a relationship, regardless of their gender and there are plenty uninitiated in the world who would question the soundness of a relationship on this fact alone so we probably shouldn't do it here!

Perhaps the o.p. might want to alter the predictable single guys disclaimer now he is experiencing the wrong end of it. Just a thought

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would not necessarily agree with this. Clearly Mr also gets something out of wife having a special friend and Mrs is keen to experience this too. I think it is a bit much to be questioning the soundness of a marriage on this flimsy premise. Swinging involves bringing others into a relationship, regardless of their gender and there are plenty uninitiated in the world who would question the soundness of a relationship on this fact alone so we probably shouldn't do it here!

Perhaps the o.p. might want to alter the predictable single guys disclaimer now he is experiencing the wrong end of it. Just a thought

I agree. I could easily, and have previously, had a 'special friend' and would love my Husband to have the same arrangement with someone else.

We swing together and alone however as someone else said earlier, it's sooooooo much easier for me to find playmates than it is for my Husband. Even having my full knowledge and consent to meet others doesn't make things any easier for him.

It does not mean that I want to leave him and it does not mean that our marriage is on the rocks. It's just a choice that we're both happy with, regardless of what other people think is right and wrong.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ok having read all the above can i clear up a few things! One we been swinging for over a year, just not on this site. We have a very stable marriage. We dont have secrets, i know about L's friend and she knows about me wanting to find one. In fact she suggested it!! We find having someone regular good, just as we want to meet couples we click with regularly.

I may not have worded my first comment well enough to avoid some of the comments above!! Hey im a bloke we dont always say the right things lol!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have to say that I can not understand in the slightest why you would want to swing and not share it...

I know its each to their own but... its meant to be about sharing something to me.. Yes I have single guys but Master is always present and I actually get nothing from it on the one time we had a technical failure and Master could not watch..

Just my view.. but a special friend is just an affair with the other person okay about it.

katie.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

For some people pleasure can be taken from hearing about what's happened behind closed doors. You don't always have to be there to enjoy something. The mind is a powerful tool and imagination can be an exciting and sexy experience.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *inktherapyCouple over a year ago

Gloucester

My husband enjoys hearing about just as much as watching/ participating. Solo meets are easier due to childcare issues and the number of single men wanting to play, so it works for us. I also have a longer term playmate (married, wife unaware) whom husband has even been for a drink with. It works well - the sex is great with him - we meet only every couple of months now, so still lustful but know what works well and also have the trust to try new things which neither of our partners would want to try (But which my husband likes to hear about)

Each to their own...

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ittlemorespiceCouple over a year ago

North Cornwall

Wow you guys can be pretty judgemental considering the op was not asking whether his and his wifes tastes sounded acceptable in a happy marriage. Have been swinging for about two years now and if there is one thing i have learned its that everyone is different and has their own thing that works for them. To comment on the actual question, I personally am not comfortable about or attracted to attached males generally speaking. I assume that some other females are the same so that must be a factor. This is not a judgement just how I feel. So many attractive 'single' guys on here that I guess that reduces your chances. Hope you find watch you are looking for and that it works for you both.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *-and-KCouple over a year ago

Back of Beyond

Married couple playing together = swinging.

Wife (or husband) playing alone with a regular partner = having an affair.

This is how it comes across in the OP's first post. Especially as she is telling him to find a partner of his own, that sounds very much like she is trying to justify what she is doing.

It could be that the single bloke is joining them both for sex, but it doesn't sound like that at all.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Married couple playing together = swinging.

Wife (or husband) playing alone with a regular partner = having an affair.

This is how it comes across in the OP's first post. Especially as she is telling him to find a partner of his own, that sounds very much like she is trying to justify what she is doing.

It could be that the single bloke is joining them both for sex, but it doesn't sound like that at all."

isnt having an affair something you do behind your partners back? if your partner knows you meet someone regular is that still having an affair? personally i see that kind of set up more of an open marrage

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *-and-KCouple over a year ago

Back of Beyond

"Married couple playing together = swinging.

Wife (or husband) playing alone with a regular partner = having an affair.

This is how it comes across in the OP's first post. Especially as she is telling him to find a partner of his own, that sounds very much like she is trying to justify what she is doing.

It could be that the single bloke is joining them both for sex, but it doesn't sound like that at all.

That is not necessarily true. You can have an affair with the full knowledge of your partner, the partner maybe accepts it just to keep the marriage alive.

I am more thinking along the lines of the wife wants an affair and is trying to justify it by telling the husband he can have a long term partner as well. Marriage counceling teaches you there are many strange things that happen.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 24/12/10 10:22:37]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"isnt having an affair something you do behind your partners back? if your partner knows you meet someone regular is that still having an affair? personally i see that kind of set up more of an open marrage

Agreed.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *arambarMan over a year ago

swindon

Wow, some of the responses in this thread are interesting.

I disagree with those who are saying that swinging is exclusive to couples who play together because my definition of swinging is simply "people who seek recreational sex" - they can be a couple playing together or playing alone, separated people meeting couples or meeting singles, celibate people... I really don't think it matters.

Recreational sex can be with multiple people on just the one occasion or with the one person on multiple occasions... to me the number of partners or the number of times is unimportant and irrelevant.

If you're meeting up to have sex without having to have the relationship that usually comes with it, then you're a swinger.

I'm starting to feel sorry for the male half of couples who swing alone - as surprising as it is, they've got an even shittier hand than us single males!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Wow, some of the responses in this thread are interesting.

If you're meeting up to have sex without having to have the relationship that usually comes with it, then you're a swinger.

I'm starting to feel sorry for the male half of couples who swing alone - as surprising as it is, they've got an even shittier hand than us single males!

humm dont know, i dont class myself as swinger

i use swinging sites to meet people for sex but i dont see how im a swinger

im a single female who meets single men for 1 on 1 sex thats not swinging

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

humm dont know, i dont class myself as swinger

i use swinging sites to meet people for sex but i dont see how im a swinger

im a single female who meets single men for 1 on 1 sex thats not swinging"

If the op is happy with the arrangement what right have we to comment on his marriage?? I wish him and his wife every luck in finding what they are looking for and who knows .... if he finds a special friend it could mean some very enjoyable foursomes!

And same as NN said ... I don't see myself as a swinger for the same reasons.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i dont class myself as swinger

i use swinging sites to meet people for sex but i dont see how im a swinger

im a single female who meets single men for 1 on 1 sex thats not swinging

I don't see myself as a swinger for the same reasons."

Likewise!

As for the OP, you may get lucky, but personally as I can find loads of single men to play with - there's no need to even consider a married man...and I don't think I'm alone in my thinking!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i dont class myself as a swinger

i meet people for 121 sex but i would like to try a couple but its finding the right one

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 26/12/10 23:11:00]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i dont class myself as a swinger

i meet people for 121 sex but i would like to try a couple but its finding the right one "
IS that not swinging? or is it being called a swinger you dont like ? FRANKIE ,

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

humm dont know, i dont class myself as swinger

i use swinging sites to meet people for sex but i dont see how im a swinger

im a single female who meets single men for 1 on 1 sex thats not swinging

And same as NN said ... I don't see myself as a swinger for the same reasons."

don't understand how you can not be a swinger since by coming on here you are "swinging" from one sexual partner to the next. I think you are being bamboozled by the old "car key" concept but that was swapping not swinging.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Those were the days of 80,s lol

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ohjaneCouple over a year ago

south staffs

I have seen this come up time and again. Why do we have to have labels, definitions, boxes to put our actions into.

Personally I do the searching, finding and "testing" of playmates, and if I find someone who we can both get on with, we both play.

I like Carambar's idea of what swinging is, but in general I could not give a monkey's what other people do - or think they do, just have fun.

Jane x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *cite6662002Couple over a year ago

glos

"Hmmm, from the tone of the letter I would start to question whether this marriage is sound.

Not been swinging for long but the wife has a special friend. So to ease her conscience or appease the husband, she tells him to find a partner as well.

If its the latter I think you really need to question whether you both need some sort of councelling rather than swinging partners."

sound like good advice from B and k

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *umourCouple over a year ago

Northants

"Hmmm, from the tone of the letter I would start to question whether this marriage is sound.

Not been swinging for long but the wife has a special friend. So to ease her conscience or appease the husband, she tells him to find a partner as well.

If its the latter I think you really need to question whether you both need some sort of councelling rather than swinging partners.

sound like good advice from B and k

Judgemental or not, we tend to agree with this too.. She is settled with her "special friend" and has told him he can do the same. Is it that she knows he will very likely fail and she can have her cake, eat it and leave him some crumbs?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Maybe they were both looking for a special friend at the same time and she found someone first, everyone knows that its harder for the men than the women.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic