FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Are we being unreasonable?
Are we being unreasonable?
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We're still pretty new here and have been trying to organise some sort of meet via Fab for some time.
Well, we get plenty of winks but many of these seem to drift along and go nowhere. So, today, I went through a few of the languishing messages and prompted the couples with something like "Are you still interested?" Some of them came back to us saying they were. So I prompted them to enter into some communication, only to be told I was hassling them too much 
I don't think we are being unreasonable but maybe you guys might have another view. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We're still pretty new here and have been trying to organise some sort of meet via Fab for some time.
Well, we get plenty of winks but many of these seem to drift along and go nowhere. So, today, I went through a few of the languishing messages and prompted the couples with something like "Are you still interested?" Some of them came back to us saying they were. So I prompted them to enter into some communication, only to be told I was hassling them too much
I don't think we are being unreasonable but maybe you guys might have another view. "
They may be sofa-swingers.
Have they had any recent meets?
If so, I'd hazard a guess they're stringing you along.
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"I think it's much easier to meet in a club for many couples. Since you're in Birmingham why not go to Chameleons? It's a big, friendly club and you'll get to meet people for real!"
We've been to Xtasia a few times now and are planning on Chameleons on Sunday  assuming I get over my cold by then 
No, we've met plenty of great people, just thinking about some meets outside that environment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We just go with the approach of posting when we're going to clubs and of people reply we say we'll see them down there.
If they don't show up its no loss to ourselves.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard to give you an opinion as it depends on..
How many times you have contacted each couple?....do they have veris to show they meet?
I guess some couples have a lot of complications getting in the way of freely setting up meets...family, kids etc. |
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"We're still pretty new here and have been trying to organise some sort of meet via Fab for some time.
Well, we get plenty of winks but many of these seem to drift along and go nowhere. So, today, I went through a few of the languishing messages and prompted the couples with something like "Are you still interested?" Some of them came back to us saying they were. So I prompted them to enter into some communication, only to be told I was hassling them too much
I don't think we are being unreasonable but maybe you guys might have another view. "
Without any background or knowing what you said I can't say if you're being unreasonable or not. People do go off the boil though. |
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"It's hard to give you an opinion as it depends on..
How many times you have contacted each couple?....do they have veris to show they meet?
I guess some couples have a lot of complications getting in the way of freely setting up meets...family, kids etc."
This is true. We have the same problems. All we're trying to do is to engage them to establish if we even might want to meet - what are they interested in, what do they look like etc...
I think we have been communicating with a lot of 'sofa swingers', fantasists and probably a few fakes. Maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt too much.... |
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"It's hard to give you an opinion as it depends on..
How many times you have contacted each couple?....do they have veris to show they meet?
I guess some couples have a lot of complications getting in the way of freely setting up meets...family, kids etc.
This is true. We have the same problems. All we're trying to do is to engage them to establish if we even might want to meet - what are they interested in, what do they look like etc...
I think we have been communicating with a lot of 'sofa swingers', fantasists and probably a few fakes. Maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt too much...."
Let's hope these sofa swingers and fakes aren't reading the forums then  |
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"We only ever meet now at clubs as it's just way easier for us
"
Yes, this is great, and we've had some brilliant times at Xtasia but I guess we find it a little bit random. We will keep going to clubs but would like to have something organized outside the club scene. |
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"It's hard to give you an opinion as it depends on..
How many times you have contacted each couple?....do they have veris to show they meet?
I guess some couples have a lot of complications getting in the way of freely setting up meets...family, kids etc.
This is true. We have the same problems. All we're trying to do is to engage them to establish if we even might want to meet - what are they interested in, what do they look like etc...
I think we have been communicating with a lot of 'sofa swingers', fantasists and probably a few fakes. Maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt too much....
Let's hope these sofa swingers and fakes aren't reading the forums then "
On the contrary, I hope they do read this. Maybe they'll leave us alone and slope off in shame and embarrassment after wasting everyone's time.  |
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"It's hard to give you an opinion as it depends on..
How many times you have contacted each couple?....do they have veris to show they meet?
I guess some couples have a lot of complications getting in the way of freely setting up meets...family, kids etc.
This is true. We have the same problems. All we're trying to do is to engage them to establish if we even might want to meet - what are they interested in, what do they look like etc...
I think we have been communicating with a lot of 'sofa swingers', fantasists and probably a few fakes. Maybe we give them the benefit of the doubt too much....
Let's hope these sofa swingers and fakes aren't reading the forums then
On the contrary, I hope they do read this. Maybe they'll leave us alone and slope off in shame and embarrassment after wasting everyone's time. "
Hmmm. So you didn't feel you were being unreasonable at all then? People generally don't say you're hassling them unless they feel that you are......just a thought. |
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Hmmm. So you didn't feel you were being unreasonable at all then? People generally don't say you're hassling them unless they feel that you are......just a thought."
It is why we set up this thread. I think I was just getting a bit exasperated so suggested they answer the questions I asked them. N thought I was being a bit 'direct'.
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"We only engage in messaging when we are actually arranging a meet .
Mind you , we do make it clear from the off and a couple of messages is enough
"
Okay, but how do you know you'll actually want to meet them if you don't initially, exchange a few face pics and have a bit of a chat about what your interests might be? |
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Hmmm. So you didn't feel you were being unreasonable at all then? People generally don't say you're hassling them unless they feel that you are......just a thought.
It is why we set up this thread. I think I was just getting a bit exasperated so suggested they answer the questions I asked them. N thought I was being a bit 'direct'.
"
Publicly calling them sofa swingers and time wasters is hardly likely to advance your cause.
In our experience if people aren't keen to engage then it won't improve. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We only engage in messaging when we are actually arranging a meet .
Mind you , we do make it clear from the off and a couple of messages is enough
Okay, but how do you know you'll actually want to meet them if you don't initially, exchange a few face pics and have a bit of a chat about what your interests might be?"
Face pic first message and profile should outline interests ... can't be doing with too much chat , prefer to do it rather than chat about it |
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Have had this in the past, a couple we had been chatting to and interested in meeting mail every couple of weeks - are you still interested, we really want to meet/you haven't mailed us for a week/so when are we meeting?
Sometime real life gets in the way, kids, work, time or even fancying meeting up with anyone.
In the end they just seemed too needy, unfriended them and needed to block them in the end. If we can meet we will, if we can't we don't need or want constant prodding. |
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Yep, maybe we are being unreasonable after all. We really don't intend to be... But frankly, how much does it take to say 'busy right now, get back to you soon/when less busy'? We're busy with life as well. Remember, these are people who've requested being friends or sent winks or messages in the first instance.
I don't know. We ARE new to all this so maybe we should just not worry about it. N has already told me that I'm overthinking it all.... |
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"Yep, maybe we are being unreasonable after all. We really don't intend to be... But frankly, how much does it take to say 'busy right now, get back to you soon/when less busy'? We're busy with life as well. Remember, these are people who've requested being friends or sent winks or messages in the first instance.
I don't know. We ARE new to all this so maybe we should just not worry about it. N has already told me that I'm overthinking it all...."
In our experience if it starts to be hard work then it will continue to be and you're best shelving that particular interaction. You'll drive yourself mad if you expect things to be like normal life and this should be fun.
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You will discover over time that you find a couple that seem to fit the bill, start mailing and get on well, but you can't meet this week, they can't meet next week and it kinda peters out, you find another couple to chat to and/or they do.
We have people on our friends list for a couple of years but haven't managed to meet yet. It happens or it doesn't |
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"
They may be sofa-swingers.
Have they had any recent meets?
If so, I'd hazard a guess they're stringing you along.
"
I love that term!! 
I'm a total sofa swinger at the moment! It rocks! People are fascinating to watch. Some days I love this forum! Sofa swingers! 
 |
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Sorry that didn't answer the question OP 
Whoever said you shouldn't rush or lower your standards was spot on. The right couple will appear and they are, without doubt, worth the wait. It's been a long time since then for me and whilst it didn't end as I'd have hoped, I wouldn't change the experiences we had together prior to that point for all the chocolate in the world.
Take your time. There's no rush.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We tend to meet in clubs or parties as it's difficult to sort meets due to his business requirements and mine.
Im very much a do it on the night kind of person, I don't enjoy endless messages and I'm not keen on sex talk beforehand. My OH does enjoy perving profiles and he does wink those he thinks look nice. I rarely message because I find people will push for specific dates and the nature of our lifestyle means we can't.
Clubs and parties are better for us because it's spontaneous.
I don't take swinging that seriously, and many messages go nowhere. This is why clubs work well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of people get pretty busy and can only meet a certain number of times so be patient and keep chatting to a few if they are worth it they will come back to you. After only a couple of months we have had return meets with people. Have fun! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not unreasonable, maybe it's because as you say you're quite new, or maybe the other parties have simply moved on, maybe you expect a bit too much from this site? Thee are many genuine people who will meet you, and you may not click, and some you'll get on with and the rest as they say will be history. However, among all of this are the timewasters who'd be better off going on XHamster or some other video site to get their thrills, so the rest of us can get on with what it is we want to do. We would agree with others that repeated messaging and badgering can be a turn off. Your day to meet will come just relax and enjoy the thrill when a genuine meet comes along! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is really hard to give you advice without knowing more bout your messages. Which, of course, isn't our business.
In our experience, how much we talk to someone before a meet very much depends on the other person/couple. Usually you can get a feel for the amount of talking the other party is willing to engage in.
However, I will say that we always like to have a social before meeting for sex anyway. So there isn't necessarily a need for too much talk. If someone goes on and on with questions I personally start to get suspicious that they are just a fantasist.
But you should do what you are comfortable with, regardless of others' opinions. Be as unreasonable (if that's what it is) as you want to be, really.
-Courtney |
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"I think it's much easier to meet in a club for many couples. Since you're in Birmingham why not go to Chameleons? It's a big, friendly club and you'll get to meet people for real!"
We don't like clubs so they are not the answer for everyone. If the same applies to you I would suggest you work really hard at making your profile as interesting and sexy as possible. We think your photos could be more interesting for example. Doing that you will find people will come to you rather than the other way round xx |
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By *dwalu2Couple
over a year ago
Bristol |
Yes, clubs haven't really worked for us either on the couple of occasions we've tried, we've had much more success from using Fab.
Having said that, schedules are difficult. We know an amazing woman who we've met before who wants to meet us again, we want to meet her again...and we haven't been able to get a mutually convenient date for the three of us fixed in the last two months! People lead busy lives, and sometimes that is just the long and short of things, unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have had this in the past, a couple we had been chatting to and interested in meeting mail every couple of weeks - are you still interested, we really want to meet/you haven't mailed us for a week/so when are we meeting?
Sometime real life gets in the way, kids, work, time or even fancying meeting up with anyone.
In the end they just seemed too needy, unfriended them and needed to block them in the end. If we can meet we will, if we can't we don't need or want constant prodding."
This is exactly us too. If we've said we're busy and will get back to people when we're free we do and if we've made an arrangement to meet we will, we don't need reminders and would rather talk about likes, dislikes, boundaries and expectations face to face. We often find that people who are very into lots of chat either don't follow through because chat is really all they actually want or it turns into a bit of a shopping list or menu...All the "and then we'll do this, and then you'll do that" which is a massive turn off... |
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"I think it's much easier to meet in a club for many couples. Since you're in Birmingham why not go to Chameleons? It's a big, friendly club and you'll get to meet people for real!"
We love Chameleons and is the place to go if you want to play with others...that's what we do  |
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By *damaneveCouple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
"Try a single man.
They're FAR more reliable!"
We been tryin to sort out a met with a single man an he keeps comin out with reasons not to or when we say a date he dont come on line, gave him benefit of doubt, think hes a sofa swinger, all chat no trousers |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Try a single man.
They're FAR more reliable!
We been tryin to sort out a met with a single man an he keeps comin out with reasons not to or when we say a date he dont come on line, gave him benefit of doubt, think hes a sofa swinger, all chat no trousers"
I think people will distinguish between your issue and that of a sofa swinger. Your guy just seems to be messing you around and dare I say it a timewaster where as I'd be inclined to put sofa swingers into a category of people who have had meets, who will communicate with people but despite appearing to want to meet never doing so.
Who knows what their motivation is but I would guess one half of the couple is using the profile for the kick of it or to get photos. |
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