FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > should we keep on swinging.
should we keep on swinging.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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my partner and i have been swinging for 6 years with mainly bi fem couples / single bi fems.
we haven't had a meet for some time now because of my partner getting over a stroke, but he now feels fit and well now.
my partner was very bluntly honest with me which hurt my feelings.
he said that he'd love to meet a single bi female friend of mine again. he explain to me and she had the perfect body and just how he likes his women that he likes to have fun with. also said that her pussy was like a virgins, and he could fuck it forever.
i said ok what about mine? he said that i was beautful on the inside, but need to lose weight before we can go swinging. oh and that my pussy could do with tightening up like i used to, as hers griped to death.
which lead to him saying could you give her a call to find out if she is single, or he could tempt her away with his money. as he knew she didn't want to leave him alone the last time we met.
he also went on to say that work has a new women their, i was told that she had really big boobs and he'd love to fuck her and had the bonus of only having one boy and was single.
we only swing together and i thought we were swinging to take care of my itch but with him joining in.
today he asked why i looked sad and i explained to him that he had really hurt my feelings. to this he shouted well you shouldn't asked me the honest truth then. i said i didn't want to talk about it at that moment as he had a long drive and meeting to contend with but it could wait for a later date.
am i over reacting and should i feel this upset ? i feel that my partner doesn't find me sexual attracted and is only thinking about what he wants and not my needs as well.
please be kind i've been crying all day.
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By *hoenixmanMan
over a year ago
Where men are men, and sheep are nervous...! |
Oh dear.....  To be honest OP, reading all that I think you're asking the wrong question. There's a far more fundamental one which is blindingly obvious.... and only YOU know the answer.
Sorry I can't offer anything more than that...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh dear..... To be honest OP, reading all that I think you're asking the wrong question. There's a far more fundamental one which is blindingly obvious.... and only YOU know the answer.
Sorry I can't offer anything more than that... "
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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yeah i know the question you mean, but we're also setting up a ltd company together at the moment and going to the bank on monday, which i'm trying to put off to be honest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only person who can answer this is your OH....but I fear you may not like the answer. You seem to have been very patient in getting over his stroke.
However you also say that you started swinging to satisfy "your itch" which implies he went along with your wants and desires. It now seems that he has his own.
Should you stop swinging.....I'm not sure that he will stop...even if you do?
Sorry if that sounds harsh but reading between the lines that is my take on things. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not sure what advice to give, as it sounds more like there are deeper problems there including a lack of caring about your feelings and him focusing more on the sex than the sex being an augmentation of what you have together.
I don't know the answer but sending much love and positive thoughts your way. |
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By *hoenixmanMan
over a year ago
Where men are men, and sheep are nervous...! |
"yeah i know the question you mean, but we're also setting up a ltd company together at the moment and going to the bank on monday, which i'm trying to put off to be honest. "
Well, as an absolute minimum, you've found out how he really feels about you before you sign anything.... Don't think you're going to have a particularly enjoyable Sunday.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The only person who can answer this is your OH....but I fear you may not like the answer. You seem to have been very patient in getting over his stroke.
However you also say that you started swinging to satisfy "your itch" which implies he went along with your wants and desires. It now seems that he has his own.
Should you stop swinging.....I'm not sure that he will stop...even if you do?
Sorry if that sounds harsh but reading between the lines that is my take on things."
thanks for your honest reply and i think you're spot on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice |
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Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
Good point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You need to talk to each other.. I personally wouldn't stay in that relationship if I was made to feel that way..never mind swinging..
But we don't know what your relationship is like..
Hope you are happy again soon whatever path you take |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice "
wow glad i'm not with you take a bloke for he's worth lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
Excellent point |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
yes i fully understand that as his stroke was on the left hand side of the brain. his behaviour towards me at first was pure evil but that was to be expected. he had got better for the past few months and back to normal. |
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
I was going to say exactly the same and some find it a life changing event.
As a single female I'm looking at your post in a different way to how others would as I would hate to come between (for the wrong reasons) a couples relationship and sorry to say this but think you need to sit him down and have a very open and honest conversation about what you both want to get out of your relationship now and in the future, it may be the most painful conversation to have but at least you know where you stand and what you both want. If you want to pm me please do xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously.....
Strokes change people and this can different for both parties to deal with.
That aside .... I would hope Joe told me the truth no matter how hurtful.
Good point. "
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
Yes this is what I was going to say.
You don't need to ask other people if it's ok to feel a certain way, if you feel it...you feel it.
If this behaviour is out of character and not something your partner would have done before his stroke it's time to seek medical advice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice wow glad i'm not with you take a bloke for he's worth lol "
I didn't suggest she take him for anything. I told her not to sign financial papers and get some legal advise to see where she stands. There is a difference. It's better to be forewarned |
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
I thought this.
OP he may literally be a changed man and you may have to really think only about yourself and your future happiness. |
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice wow glad i'm not with you take a bloke for he's worth lol "
Don't get into anything financially with him. If this was me, I would not hang around to be made to feel bad. Let him do what he wants with who he wants and leave you out of it. Time to get out. Anyone who I was with who would say such a thing would be gone in my world. How is it going to get any better? That is just me and my take. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
I agree. would he have been so blunt prior to the stroke? Unfortunately, it won't help your predicament right now but it may ease your pain to know he may not be thinking as he used to right now. Best of luck xx |
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He may also be feeling less of a man after the stroke, in that he's been proven to not be an invincible man.
He may be saying harsh things to test you. Though it is a cowardly thing to do and your own happiness is your main concern I'd say. |
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By *manda63Woman
over a year ago
Southampton |
"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously.....
yes i fully understand that as his stroke was on the left hand side of the brain. his behaviour towards me at first was pure evil but that was to be expected. he had got better for the past few months and back to normal. "
Strokes can do this but as he has got back to normal, what he has said to you is just pure nastiness on his part. Im not sure if you are married or not, but if it was me Id feel like taking a break from him, harder if you are married I know, maybe? I looked at your pictures and you look slimmer than me but it doesnt matter what size you are, comparing you to another woman in that way is wrong and disrespectful. Maybe you did ask the question but no need to be so damn abusive to you. I see he hasnt posted any pictures of himself on here.
I hope things improve and I wouldnt enter into the financial thing either with him as others have said. If you decide not to do it, then just tell him, not a lot he can do is there. Good luck with everything |
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"my partner and i have been swinging for 6 years with mainly bi fem couples / single bi fems.
we haven't had a meet for some time now because of my partner getting over a stroke, but he now feels fit and well now.
my partner was very bluntly honest with me which hurt my feelings.
he said that he'd love to meet a single bi female friend of mine again. he explain to me and she had the perfect body and just how he likes his women that he likes to have fun with. also said that her pussy was like a virgins, and he could fuck it forever.
i said ok what about mine? he said that i was beautful on the inside, but need to lose weight before we can go swinging. oh and that my pussy could do with tightening up like i used to, as hers griped to death.
which lead to him saying could you give her a call to find out if she is single, or he could tempt her away with his money. as he knew she didn't want to leave him alone the last time we met.
he also went on to say that work has a new women their, i was told that she had really big boobs and he'd love to fuck her and had the bonus of only having one boy and was single.
we only swing together and i thought we were swinging to take care of my itch but with him joining in.
today he asked why i looked sad and i explained to him that he had really hurt my feelings. to this he shouted well you shouldn't asked me the honest truth then. i said i didn't want to talk about it at that moment as he had a long drive and meeting to contend with but it could wait for a later date.
am i over reacting and should i feel this upset ? i feel that my partner doesn't find me sexual attracted and is only thinking about what he wants and not my needs as well.
please be kind i've been crying all day.
"
This sounds like a big mess, what do you think you should do?
Maybe wait till you have both had time to think about what's been said and then have another chat to him.
To be honest it doesn't sound as if you should be looking to meet any time soon until you have both sorted out your relationship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. Despite his stroke it doesn't give him the right to be so harsh to you, even though you asked him the truth!
There are ways of saying things without totally slaying people's feelings. He sounds totally and utterly selfish to me.
Please protect yourself both financially and emotionally until you have decided what you want to do. Best of luck x |
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"I'm so sorry you're going through this. Despite his stroke it doesn't give him the right to be so harsh to you, even though you asked him the truth!
There are ways of saying things without totally slaying people's feelings. He sounds totally and utterly selfish to me.
Please protect yourself both financially and emotionally until you have decided what you want to do. Best of luck x"
You really don't understand the major personality changes that are very often the results of a stroke... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a difficult one to call. Firstly.. Think objectively.. Is he going to be a valued and trusted sensible business partner.? On the personal level.. Do you want to stay with him after what he said.. As someone said it may have altered his personality.. But not saying it has. I would say use what time you have and decide. I know its a tough time emotionally but you will sort it out for yourself. I think your stronger than you think x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm so sorry you're going through this. Despite his stroke it doesn't give him the right to be so harsh to you, even though you asked him the truth!
There are ways of saying things without totally slaying people's feelings. He sounds totally and utterly selfish to me.
Please protect yourself both financially and emotionally until you have decided what you want to do. Best of luck x
You really don't understand the major personality changes that are very often the results of a stroke..."
Sorry to butt in but I (f) had two in my family who had strokes. My father massive and whilest on holiday in Greece and other time my hubby at Court helping me sort out an issue with my ex.
My father is not different at all except he stopped his 2 pints a day and as quietened down.
Hubby LGI told us it was a freezen shoulder next day he "walked" into Bradford - lucky there they have better doctors and give him the full works over. Found he had a stroke, reason for slurred speach, lose of control over left leg etc... The doctor was from Germany and spoke with hubby in German and did all the tests on him... 3 weeks later they found his brain had "rewired" itself.. they don't know why or how...
But after 3 weeks was back to normal and has only a memory lose of 30min.
He has not changed and looks after me more then before  He said to me "A stroke is like going for a walk through Hell and then taking either the right or wrong exit"... But he says also it depends on the person if the person had already issues before the stroke then these issues will come more and more forward ...
I'm lucky in many ways with him but sounds your partner took the wrong exit and his issues from years are all crawling out of the woodwork...
Think you should take a step back and look at what is going on in your life.
There are many men out there, who are kind and caring, but the same amount of guys who are exact the opposite "evil and nasty"....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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tell him to sling his hook , disrespectful , wearing you down using your insecurities against you . Let him go if your not actually married to him and do not get involved with him any further financially . He no longer respects you or considers your feelings .Time for a long hard look at what he brings to the relationship , my guess is , youve grown accustomed to being treated less than satisfactory by this partner . This is not good for your wellbeing . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmmm. I think what he's said is very hurtful. I imagine that you've run round after him and been his rock whilst he's been really ill? You've also been his carer.
It's hard going from seeing your lover as a carer and then going back once again to being your lover.
I'll make no bones about this. I'm dying. I'm just dying a lot more slowly than I was a year ago. Whilst I was very ill, my wife became my carer and it was hard to going back to being lovers.
But you know something? I treasure her like anything. No one should have to do what she did. I would never say anything hurtful to her. How disrespectful.
Now I'd drink her bath water if she asked me. |
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice "
Well said. What a complete nob. Carry on swinging but find a couple you can have fun with and tell him to sod off !! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmmm. I think what he's said is very hurtful. I imagine that you've run round after him and been his rock whilst he's been really ill? You've also been his carer.
It's hard going from seeing your lover as a carer and then going back once again to being your lover.
I'll make no bones about this. I'm dying. I'm just dying a lot more slowly than I was a year ago. Whilst I was very ill, my wife became my carer and it was hard to going back to being lovers.
But you know something? I treasure her like anything. No one should have to do what she did. I would never say anything hurtful to her. How disrespectful.
Now I'd drink her bath water if she asked me."
yes i was his carer, i was with him in hospital from 8;30am till 10:00pm for a month as he wanted me to be. said i was his right hand man, not a visitor. he also rang me at 3/4am to say he was in pain, and then again at 6am ish to see why i wasn't there.
he didn't want the nurses to do anything for him apart from meds and food.
also made sure he did next to nothing for the next following 3 months. |
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"my partner and i have been swinging for 6 years with mainly bi fem couples / single bi fems.
we haven't had a meet for some time now because of my partner getting over a stroke, but he now feels fit and well now.
my partner was very bluntly honest with me which hurt my feelings.
he said that he'd love to meet a single bi female friend of mine again. he explain to me and she had the perfect body and just how he likes his women that he likes to have fun with. also said that her pussy was like a virgins, and he could fuck it forever.
i said ok what about mine? he said that i was beautful on the inside, but need to lose weight before we can go swinging. oh and that my pussy could do with tightening up like i used to, as hers griped to death.
which lead to him saying could you give her a call to find out if she is single, or he could tempt her away with his money. as he knew she didn't want to leave him alone the last time we met.
he also went on to say that work has a new women their, i was told that she had really big boobs and he'd love to fuck her and had the bonus of only having one boy and was single.
we only swing together and i thought we were swinging to take care of my itch but with him joining in.
today he asked why i looked sad and i explained to him that he had really hurt my feelings. to this he shouted well you shouldn't asked me the honest truth then. i said i didn't want to talk about it at that moment as he had a long drive and meeting to contend with but it could wait for a later date.
am i over reacting and should i feel this upset ? i feel that my partner doesn't find me sexual attracted and is only thinking about what he wants and not my needs as well.
please be kind i've been crying all day.
"
Kick him into touch don't invest any more time or money in him.
Come and stay with me and id worship you and your body 
Just trying to lighten the mood a bit |
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I think that to swing successfully you need a strong relationship. It sounds you have anything but.
I wouldn't continue swinging, and I certainly wouldn't be entering into any financial situation at this time either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hmmmm. I think what he's said is very hurtful. I imagine that you've run round after him and been his rock whilst he's been really ill? You've also been his carer.
It's hard going from seeing your lover as a carer and then going back once again to being your lover.
I'll make no bones about this. I'm dying. I'm just dying a lot more slowly than I was a year ago. Whilst I was very ill, my wife became my carer and it was hard to going back to being lovers.
But you know something? I treasure her like anything. No one should have to do what she did. I would never say anything hurtful to her. How disrespectful.
Now I'd drink her bath water if she asked me.
yes i was his carer, i was with him in hospital from 8;30am till 10:00pm for a month as he wanted me to be. said i was his right hand man, not a visitor. he also rang me at 3/4am to say he was in pain, and then again at 6am ish to see why i wasn't there.
he didn't want the nurses to do anything for him apart from meds and food.
also made sure he did next to nothing for the next following 3 months. "
It's shit facing your own mortality and really hard, but and here's the big but, he's well enough to be thinking of sex therefore he is well enough to know what he's doing.
It should make him appreciate you more than ever.
You've got to think of yourself and not what appears from what you've said, someone who doesn't appear to care for you.
If you want to pm us, that's fine. The good lady has her perspective. And believe me, I think she could happily have smothered me at times! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Other than his medical condition, I don't understand why people think that "being truthful" is a reason not to be tactful? "
I so agree with this! All these people that say 'I just tell it as it is' are people that don't give a shit about others feelings. They also never countenance anyone else's point of view.
However, I digress. I think there may be a huge element of manipulation in here. |
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"my partner and i have been swinging for 6 years with mainly bi fem couples / single bi fems.
we haven't had a meet for some time now because of my partner getting over a stroke, but he now feels fit and well now.
my partner was very bluntly honest with me which hurt my feelings.
he said that he'd love to meet a single bi female friend of mine again. he explain to me and she had the perfect body and just how he likes his women that he likes to have fun with. also said that her pussy was like a virgins, and he could fuck it forever.
i said ok what about mine? he said that i was beautful on the inside, but need to lose weight before we can go swinging. oh and that my pussy could do with tightening up like i used to, as hers griped to death.
which lead to him saying could you give her a call to find out if she is single, or he could tempt her away with his money. as he knew she didn't want to leave him alone the last time we met.
he also went on to say that work has a new women their, i was told that she had really big boobs and he'd love to fuck her and had the bonus of only having one boy and was single.
we only swing together and i thought we were swinging to take care of my itch but with him joining in.
today he asked why i looked sad and i explained to him that he had really hurt my feelings. to this he shouted well you shouldn't asked me the honest truth then. i said i didn't want to talk about it at that moment as he had a long drive and meeting to contend with but it could wait for a later date.
am i over reacting and should i feel this upset ? i feel that my partner doesn't find me sexual attracted and is only thinking about what he wants and not my needs as well.
please be kind i've been crying all day.
"
I stopped reading half way down
Fuck him off he's an arsehole!  |
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I can understand that he may be feeling vulnerable around you since you have seen him at his weakest and we have a relative that has severe brain damage as a result of dementia and has lost her inhibitions so says what she thinks, often very very offensive. However, this is universal, and directed at everyone, so we know its the condition. I think ultimately you have to think about your emotional self preservation or this type of comment will eat away at you ... good luck op. You seem to be a cringe and compassionate person who deserves more. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose the big question is, would you rather your partner lied to you to hurt your feelings, and if he had lied to you, would you happy being in a relationship with a liar?
There's no easy answer to this at all. You could try opening your relationship and both dating other people - but it sounds like that might be problematic for some insecurities that you already have.
I'd start with talking to him though. And perhaps trusting that he wasn't trying to hurt your feelings, he was just being honest with you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice "
You saw him through his stroke and he repays you like like.
Look after yourself |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
Personally I'd ditch him. Maybe his woman with the "perfect" body will want a full-time selfish arsehole, maybe not. I suspect the lure of threesomes was at least as much you as him. She may want him by himself but even if she does, he may well find she's not as perfect in other ways. If he needed to rely on her, say to nurse him for months, he may find she's not there.
If he thinks he can do better, cut him loose and let him try.
You can certainly do better.
And for the love of all things sparkly, don't tie yourself up in a business or more financial arrangements with him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I'd ditch him. Maybe his woman with the "perfect" body will want a full-time selfish arsehole, maybe not. I suspect the lure of threesomes was at least as much you as him. She may want him by himself but even if she does, he may well find she's not as perfect in other ways. If he needed to rely on her, say to nurse him for months, he may find she's not there.
If he thinks he can do better, cut him loose and let him try.
You can certainly do better.
And for the love of all things sparkly, don't tie yourself up in a business or more financial arrangements with him."
^ ^ ^
Gotta agree here, save yourself hunni! |
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By *ee VianteWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in North Norfolk |
"However you also say that you started swinging to satisfy "your itch" which implies he went along with your wants and desires. It now seems that he has his own.
"
I'm sure he hated the idea of MFFs and had to have his arm twisted really hard.
I doubt he "went along with it" at all.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's hard for anyone to give advice, as we don't know the in's and out's of your relationship.
I do know people that have had strokes, bleed on the brain etc and have never been the same after. One is now a compulsive liar, the other is always angry, when previously he was very laid back.
So you may have to accept that this is him now, or walk away. Whichever you can live with. It isn't acceptable to talk to your partner in that way though, and I think you know that x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So he had a stroke , which you nursed him through .
And the stroke may have contributed to him becoming what he is now .
Which is a heartless and selfish person .
And you are asking if we think you should continue swinging ?
If you want to keep feeling the way you feel now , and no doubt worse as time goes on , then yes of course you should carry on swinging .
If however , you feel worthy of being more than the mug you have become - kick him out and find someone who gives a shit about you .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice "
I agree with this comment.
Sending you a hug xx |
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He does not respect you. He should never be this harsh to you hun. I know strokes can cause changes in personality, but you state he has returned to normal? Swinging can be a very dangerous game and it should always be about what you both want as a couple. His interest in this women is very unhealthy and should not be pursued. Good luck you need a good long chat with him about your future together. Take care x |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
I don't think there is any deep trouble there. He has just had a stroke - he has been having his cake and eating it in a very secure relationship and now the stroke (as you have probably been warned / read up on) has affected him in more ways than you expected.
You are either going to be his carer or his nurse or his wife or all three or as the results of being his wife and carer too strained from it.
He may have not understood the implication of what he said though a step back from swinging is probably the best route and a good assessment of health needs over anything else would be a good starting point I'd guess. From there you can figure out if the stroke has affected him mentally and if swinging has come to an end or viable. |
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"Oh dear..... To be honest OP, reading all that I think you're asking the wrong question. There's a far more fundamental one which is blindingly obvious.... and only YOU know the answer.
Sorry I can't offer anything more than that... "
This! |
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Sometimes when people experience a traumatic experience they reevaluate their lives and sometimes become selfish after their close call with the Grim Reaper.
Know two friends whose partners up left after such incidents. One after surviving a 30 car pile up and witnessing the aftermath, the other getting a new kidney after years of dialysis.
Devastating for both as didn’t see it coming and two men I admired.
Sorry can't be of help op, I wouldn't tie myself financially with him though, recipe for disaster and more heartache ahead.
Good luck to you.
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
Your partner has had a major truama and is still recovering.
He will need time to regain his former self and may never get back to how he was.
Do not take to heart what he has said he will be finding it difficult to put his thoughts into words correctly.
AS with all cases of accidents and truama the partner must look inside themself and ask if they still want to remain with the other.
If the answer is yes then I am afraid your partner will need a lot of undertanding over the coming years if the answer is no you have other descisions to make.
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"Wow. What a wanker.
Sorry to be blunt but how would he have felt if you told him he wasn't up to it anymore because of his stroke.
He has been really unpleasant and unkind. Don't sign any financial papers and get yourself to solicitor for some legal advice
I agree with this comment.
Sending you a hug xx"
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... well OP .... YOU sound such a lovley caring and compassionate person ... who has obviously been very patient regarding his recent health needs
... my advice .... run to the hills
And don't sign anything that ties you to the selfish twat .... you deserve better ....
Lets hope one day he will be a lonley old man .... kick him to the kerb .... hes not worth your precious time .... good luck OP |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So he asked you too get in touch with her and would even use money ??( sounds very insulting !)
A new girl with big boobs at work ?
( sounds like a sexual harassment in the pipe line ?)
As a couple my lady is amazing in every way ! But I think everyone should feel that ? Before swinging ?
Hope that you found some of the amazing advice really helpful ?
Hope he can't get an erection !!!!
Bet I know who he'll be asking for help !
Think of yourself and what you want ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A stroke can change the way someone deals with things. It can also make them unaware of their insensitivity and reduce their inhibitions. As an example i have a cousin who had a bad fall due to a stroke. She has recovered in many ways and to most people they dont know shes had a stroke. But when visiting my elderly parents (in their 80s) my poor old mum told her she was going to make cottage pie for my dads tea and he had told her he wanted something else. My cousin said "oh just tell him to fuck of". As you can imagine my mum was quite shocked, but my cousin didnt see anything unusual in any of it. Readup about strokes, maybe talk to your gp too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry stroke or no stroke I'd slap him xx when ever me and my partner have meets he always makes sure that he tells me he loves me and tells me how beautiful I am all the way though the meet xx if my partner ever said anything like that I'd be gone xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
yes I was thinking the exact same.not making excuses for him.has he ever been unkind in his words before? As for the stroke he is lucky it didn't leave him with disabilities.good luck hun xx |
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"Hmmm this is always a potential issue with " swinging couples".
As an aside; you mention that your partner has had a stroke;
You may ( if may not) know that strikes have not only physical effects, but also cause some mental changes; changes to personality, sometimes unexpected and irrational behaviours ( I have seen it first hand.)
In particular, resulting in people saying things that they would have suppressed previously....."
Very true and tough to deal with in any situation. Sad state of affairs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like others have said - I wonder if the stroke has affected him, so that he doesn't realise that he will have hurt your feelings.
Oh the other side - does he think - I could have died so I'm living life to the full?
We don't know both sides of the story , but you both need to talk to find a common ground. Plus you need to tell him how that made you feel when he said those things to you. It must have been a difficult time for both of you and I hope you can find your way through it.
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The very wise Maya Angelou once said,'If someone tells you who they are, BELIEVE them.'
He told you who he was. Stroke or no stroke. Painful as it was, he was revealing who he was. Believe him.
But on the other hand, have you told him who YOU are? If you have, then did he believe you? That is the question you need to ask yourself. If you find that question lacking then his disbelief will chip away at your own self belief.
You have enough self belief in yourself to raise the question on these forums.
You have more strength than you realise.
Use your strength wisely.
All the best
Cx |
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