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Social Anxiety and Social Awkwardness
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Let's talk some deep shit  Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time  My psychologist says I am ambivalent 
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone  So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever.... 
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have basically just described exactly what goes through my head daily!! Apart from the dating thing, thank the gods I don't have to go through that shit, I'd just be a mad cat lady instead!
Mrs x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am very much an introvert. The main way to tell I am nervous and kind of panicing around you? I won't shut the hell up. So if I talk talk talk, be patient with me  snapping at me to shut up will make me panic even more and apologise at least 15 times.
Also, at parties, I just sit on the sofa and eat an entire bowl of crisps instead of having to socialise  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm an extroverted aspie.
So I'm very similar to you. I want to be extroverted, but I need to choose when I can be an extrovert and it's exhausting being extroverted all the time. I need to regroup.
And then I have the added fear of getting it wrong socially and being perceived wrongly (aspies are seen as very unfeeling people but we actually feel MORE and are incredibly sensitive to how people view us, but we don't display it or don't display it in the socially correct way).
So it's easier to hide under a rock most of the time.
Especially as a girl aspie, no one spots us easily, as we copy others and mask our difficulties. Most of us don't even know we are aspies. I didn't figure it out, why I didn't "fit" quite right anywhere, until very recently.
Hang out on forums. Internet forums were designed for aspies I think. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like my own company. I do sometimes crave the company of others (how else would I get laid), but most of my time I like being in my workshop, working away. I sometimes come across as an extrovert, but this is me trying to overcome my anxiety |
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Everything you have described is completely and utterly normal and I defy anyone to say they have never felt the same. It's quite simple really, we now have to give normal human behaviour and feelings, labels. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
You have come to the right place....
White knights we have a special damsel for you to rescue.
The mission is special because you might have to storm a castle and eat Indian food...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"...I have the added fear of getting it wrong socially and being perceived wrongly...
So it's easier to hide under a rock most of the time."
An excellent description - that it's so much easier to avoid the potential for imagined social missteps, rather than tackle them and not have the fears become self-perpetuating, is so cruel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't be arsed with some of the socialising crap people expect you to do. When I'm there I'm fine but the run up to stuff if someone cancels I'm more relieved than anything else |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are just unashamedly extroverts .
We work in retail so our daytimes are always face to face with the public .
We get out three times a week to swing , from dogging , to home meets and parties . And we love it ....
It wouldn't be so much fun if we were introverts ...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm an extroverted aspie.
So I'm very similar to you. I want to be extroverted, but I need to choose when I can be an extrovert and it's exhausting being extroverted all the time. I need to regroup.
And then I have the added fear of getting it wrong socially and being perceived wrongly (aspies are seen as very unfeeling people but we actually feel MORE and are incredibly sensitive to how people view us, but we don't display it or don't display it in the socially correct way).
So it's easier to hide under a rock most of the time.
Especially as a girl aspie, no one spots us easily, as we copy others and mask our difficulties. Most of us don't even know we are aspies. I didn't figure it out, why I didn't "fit" quite right anywhere, until very recently.
Hang out on forums. Internet forums were designed for aspies I think."
How was it getting diagnosed? I have just been referred for diagnosis and getting prepared to argue with the psychiatrist as a lot of them believe that only boys can have aspergers.
But to answer OP, my social anxiety is partially tied to the fact I can not read people. I don't know what is expected of me socially and can not formulate a correct social response. I only become extrovert when with people I really know or under the influence of alcohol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Everything you have described is completely and utterly normal and I defy anyone to say they have never felt the same. It's quite simple really, we now have to give normal human behaviour and feelings, labels."
You don't feel that might be a very simplistic take on social anxiety? That nobody suffers in a way that's not normal, for periods of time that can do real damage? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You have come to the right place....
White knights we have a special damsel for you to rescue.
The mission is special because you might have to storm a castle and eat Indian food...
"
But only if the right things are on TV |
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"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
I can relate to all of that apart from the bit about Halloween and trick or treaters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
oh god I sooooo relate to the OP. Have you been inside my head???!
I often describe myself as an introvert who has learned extrovert tendencies - It is a survival mechanism I think in this culture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
You have come to the right place....
White knights we have a special damsel for you to rescue.
The mission is special because you might have to storm a castle and eat Indian food...
But only if the right things are on TV "
Ohh I forgot that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We are not weird. We are limited edition "
No you guys are perfect.... No wasted money on dates 
Just come over to your place when you feel like inviting me over.
Where do I sign up? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I had no chance to begin with, when I was wee my folks worked as keepers of old state property that slowly was falling apart in a middle of nowhere. Any peers was miles away, though we say kilometers away.
So I grew up alone, being perfectly comfortable with my solitude, before the puberty scrambled all my system of values.
As we all know, introverts are very sexual, and that instinct pushes us out of our comfort zones into the world of other people.
I got very proficient at mimicking extroverts in most situations. Negotiations, confrontation, social charm, public speaking... But it is a mask and in truth I never really happy at the social gatherings.
And with romantic involvements that dissonance is obvious, and here I am still stuck...
Some times I'm remembering scenes of my childhood, the cliff, forest and sea.
It's all different there now, land was developed and houses were built there, but I like to pretend that it still looks like it was then.
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Best thing for an aspie introvert? Hide behind being wonderful at your job (which requires you to be social, but you know all the cues by now) and hook up with an extrovert .... then you only find yourself second guessing yourself when you see how he mingles so easily, but you can pick his brain about how it works like you never have been able to, and somehow get a way in. And of course, hang out in the forums ... |
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"Best thing for an aspie introvert? Hide behind being wonderful at your job (which requires you to be social, but you know all the cues by now) and hook up with an extrovert .... then you only find yourself second guessing yourself when you see how he mingles so easily, but you can pick his brain about how it works like you never have been able to, and somehow get a way in. And of course, hang out in the forums ..."
im bipolar not only do i exhaust myself i exhaust everyone else as well |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"oh god I sooooo relate to the OP. Have you been inside my head???!
I often describe myself as an introvert who has learned extrovert tendencies - It is a survival mechanism I think in this culture. "
Yep this is me too, total introvert that has learned extrovert tendencies, people think I'm outgoing and confident, inside I'm not and I was painfully shy until my mid twenties but I mask it and cover it up with non stop yapping and humour  |
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"Everything you have described is completely and utterly normal and I defy anyone to say they have never felt the same. It's quite simple really, we now have to give normal human behaviour and feelings, labels.
You don't feel that might be a very simplistic take on social anxiety? That nobody suffers in a way that's not normal, for periods of time that can do real damage?"
I do think we've lost sight of the fact that most of what we feel is 'normal' and that for some it's harder to cope with.
My 95 year old mother has had what is now labelled as OCD since the 1970's, my now dead dad who saw active service and was injured as a very young man in WW2 would now be diagnosed with PTSD. It affected them all of their lives but they got on with it.
Feeling anxious and having an anxious response to social situations is normal, it's how we deal with it that matters. |
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By *ilk_TreMan
over a year ago
Wherever the party is! |
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
Not just me then?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people... "
and a bit of this - take people we work with - spend so many hours with them that you see all sides and to go out with them on a social is too much - i often avoid work dos as i need a break from that crowd |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Phew Brooklyn. What a post. I think if you ask anyone who knows me they would say I'm an extrovert. And I suppose growing up I always was. I was the class clown, the court jester. As I get older it is getting tiring and tiresome. People/friends seem to still want a 'performance' every time. I've been introduced as 'You'll love Rick. He's so funny. Life and soul' etc, etc. Friends have even asked/invited me to social events where they feel that there might be some social awkwardness to...........relieve the social awkwardness. Which makes me feel.........socially awkward!!! So I find as get older I'm retreating. I'm tactically withdrawing into myself to protect myself. And you know what? I'm quite at ease there - in my own place, in my own space. However, the extrovert is still there. It's just that I have more control over it. I think that makes me a shy extrovert. Doesn't it? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am an introvert who gets panic attacks in certain social situations, yet I enjoy meeting new people and can talk to anyone about anything... There are just some things I feel really uncomfortable doing and I don't often speak up in a crowded room ...
Oh and although I don't mind my own company I would much rather share it ... I'm very complicated lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm an extroverted aspie.
So I'm very similar to you. I want to be extroverted, but I need to choose when I can be an extrovert and it's exhausting being extroverted all the time. I need to regroup.
And then I have the added fear of getting it wrong socially and being perceived wrongly (aspies are seen as very unfeeling people but we actually feel MORE and are incredibly sensitive to how people view us, but we don't display it or don't display it in the socially correct way).
So it's easier to hide under a rock most of the time.
Especially as a girl aspie, no one spots us easily, as we copy others and mask our difficulties. Most of us don't even know we are aspies. I didn't figure it out, why I didn't "fit" quite right anywhere, until very recently.
Hang out on forums. Internet forums were designed for aspies I think.
How was it getting diagnosed? I have just been referred for diagnosis and getting prepared to argue with the psychiatrist as a lot of them believe that only boys can have aspergers.
But to answer OP, my social anxiety is partially tied to the fact I can not read people. I don't know what is expected of me socially and can not formulate a correct social response. I only become extrovert when with people I really know or under the influence of alcohol. "
I tried to PM you but you have restrictions on your profile.
I have no diagnosis. But I have a parent who has ridiculously strong tendencies, and two kids with a diagnosis (one quite severe). They blatantly got it from me.
It's utter bollocks that women can't have aspergers. It's really common, but you need to find someone who can diagnose women. Basically, women are social mimics, like I said. So they mask their symptoms by copying others. As you and I know, it doesn't come naturally.
Google how autism presents in females and present your case.
I went to my GP and he said as long as it's not causing problems in my relationship or job (I have no job and my husband is very understanding) so Ivr just accepted this is me. I don't need a diagnosis. But I know I'm on the spectrum.
Good luck in your fight! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
(Male) cant speak for my other half, but I can relate to this. During a conversation I go from all talk, to shy and withdrawn. Always kind of classed it as a mild depression or just a social tic id developed over the years. In not saying im ambient, I am definitely not Extrovert, I am an Introvert and proud. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm very shy and introverted. Have always been happy in my own company, find meeting new people very hard going as I just lack the social skills to strike up a conversation. I panic about what to say, the more I think about it the more I panic and I come out with some guff that makes no sense. I have only a handful of friends (most of whom are loud, chat to anyone types) as meeting and making new friends is just too much like hard work and I find being in a group of people exhausting.
I guess I've given up. Probably be a recluse if I didn't have young children, I put the effort in to take them to parties but I don't mix with the other mums. They probably think I'm being aloof but I'm not, I just don't know how to maintain a conversation, so I've just stopped trying.
The hardest part of being on here (and the other site I was on) was the actual meeting bit. I find it to be a chore, so much so I now no longer bother to meet. The stress of meeting someone outweighs the sexy excitement. I'll sit and worry about conversation starters etc. Unless I met someone who is outgoing, we would probably be sat in awkward silence, that stresses me out and I talk myself out of meeting.
I look at those who are outgoing and gregarious and wish I was like that.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm very shy and introverted. Have always been happy in my own company...
...I look at those who are outgoing and gregarious and wish I was like that."
There is so much I recognise in what you've written, I could ask a hundred questions... |
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"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
Ambivalent is an attachment style and totally unrelated to introversion/extroversion.
Besides which, introversion usually gets a bad rep and it shouldn't.
Also, it's kind of states and doesn't relate to traits so can be transient and dependent upon environmental factors, hence always shifting.
As your Psych says. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
You have come to the right place....
White knights we have a special damsel for you to rescue.
The mission is special because you might have to storm a castle and eat Indian food...
"
tfw too awkward to white knight a damsel in distress |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do think we've lost sight of the fact that most of what we feel is 'normal' and that for some it's harder to cope with."
I agree - what one person experiences will be common to many others, if not a majority. The degree to which people suffer, if at all, will vary greatly.
"My 95 year old mother has had what is now labelled as OCD since the 1970's, my now dead dad who saw active service and was injured as a very young man in WW2 would now be diagnosed with PTSD. It affected them all of their lives but they got on with it.
Feeling anxious and having an anxious response to social situations is normal, it's how we deal with it that matters."
Thanks for sharing your parents experiences. I don't know whether 'getting on with it' is what you think will work for most people, whether some people are more deserving of modern diagnoses than others, or if it's the 'labels' that are the problem? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm very shy and introverted. Have always been happy in my own company...
...I look at those who are outgoing and gregarious and wish I was like that.
There is so much I recognise in what you've written, I could ask a hundred questions..."
I'm getting panicky!! So long as you put them in writing and don't expect to ask via webcam (arghh!) or chat on phone (yikes!) then i can cope  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I do think we've lost sight of the fact that most of what we feel is 'normal' and that for some it's harder to cope with.
I agree - what one person experiences will be common to many others, if not a majority. The degree to which people suffer, if at all, will vary greatly.
My 95 year old mother has had what is now labelled as OCD since the 1970's, my now dead dad who saw active service and was injured as a very young man in WW2 would now be diagnosed with PTSD. It affected them all of their lives but they got on with it.
Feeling anxious and having an anxious response to social situations is normal, it's how we deal with it that matters.
Thanks for sharing your parents experiences. I don't know whether 'getting on with it' is what you think will work for most people, whether some people are more deserving of modern diagnoses than others, or if it's the 'labels' that are the problem?"
Labels are never a problem. It's how they are used that can often be a problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Labels are never a problem. It's how they are used that can often be a problem. "
Indeed. I'm wondering more about whether there's a perception that putting a label on something lends it an authenticity that it doesn't deserve? That giving a name to something that was previously just endured is a modern invention for 'normal' life experiences, where people should just be 'getting on with it', rather than need help or advice?
To be clear, it's not my perception at all - it's been real to me for a long time and never felt normal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
You have come to the right place....
White knights we have a special damsel for you to rescue.
The mission is special because you might have to storm a castle and eat Indian food...
tfw too awkward to white knight a damsel in distress "
Use the force  |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Hope you're not paying much for your psychologist as introvert and extrovert personalities are something you could easily look up on the internet.
Dr. Andrea Letamendi is a clinical psychologist advises that most classifications are grouped as ambiverts as no-one knows the person 100%, or fits either definition.
"Introversion is not a condition, not a disorder, and certainly not acknowledged in the psychiatric classification of disorders as a mental health problem," explains Dr. Letamendi, adding that when people see something they can't understand at face value, it's easy to suspect the worst of it. Essentially 'if it's not broke don't fix it'. You might be a social butterfly, though extroverts are not extrovert 100% of the time and fluctuate more!
Introverts don't mind chatter just the right kind of chatter, they tend to be more intellectual/political/philosophical based. This doesn't mean they know everything about everything though, so need to engage.
Approaches: cut back on the internet and groups, these cut you off from interacting. Accept offers to go out by friends or join group events/activities.
If you feel uncomfortable, give yourself something to do - drinks, food, help out with organising.
Don't mind sitting down and people watching, re-charging.
All in all, don't worry about it. You'll get on with some and some you won't, speak to who you like about whatever you want. Go out when you want and do things out of your regular routine
|
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By *ilacWoman
over a year ago
Cheshire |
"I'm an extroverted aspie.
So I'm very similar to you. I want to be extroverted, but I need to choose when I can be an extrovert and it's exhausting being extroverted all the time. I need to regroup.
And then I have the added fear of getting it wrong socially and being perceived wrongly (aspies are seen as very unfeeling people but we actually feel MORE and are incredibly sensitive to how people view us, but we don't display it or don't display it in the socially correct way).
So it's easier to hide under a rock most of the time.
Especially as a girl aspie, no one spots us easily, as we copy others and mask our difficulties. Most of us don't even know we are aspies. I didn't figure it out, why I didn't "fit" quite right anywhere, until very recently.
Hang out on forums. Internet forums were designed for aspies I think."
I feel exactly the same. I seem to oscillate from one extreme to another. Intro to extro. No happy medium. I try not to hide away any more but tel people upfront of what to expect. It's taken the pressure off. Plus, I rather enjoy feeling a bit awkward and uncomfortable so will regularly push my own boundaries socially. Think that comes from my kink side. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
I've realised after many years, and talking to lots of friends and people I work with that most people feel like this, it's normal, and once you realise that and accept it, it all becomes much easier, because when you know others are feeling just as awkward as you, you suddenly feel less awkward
There are true introverts and extroverts, but they are less common. I was married to an extrovert, now THAT was exhausting, nothing like an extrovert not understanding why you are not the same to make you feel inadequate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sometimes those who don't socialize much aren't actually anti-social, they just have no tolerance for drama and fake people... "
this a lot of people are like this |
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I'm never anxious or worried... I like both social activities and my solitude... But...
I think people can sometimes feel awkward around me... They feel the need to say something...
I used to be more outgoing, but have learned to bite my tongue and if I'm honest, I simply care less.
I let the situation dictate... |
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"Hope you're not paying much for your psychologist as introvert and extrovert personalities are something you could easily look up on the internet.
Dr. Andrea Letamendi is a clinical psychologist advises that most classifications are grouped as ambiverts as no-one knows the person 100%, or fits either definition.
"Introversion is not a condition, not a disorder, and certainly not acknowledged in the psychiatric classification of disorders as a mental health problem," explains Dr. Letamendi, adding that when people see something they can't understand at face value, it's easy to suspect the worst of it. Essentially 'if it's not broke don't fix it'. You might be a social butterfly, though extroverts are not extrovert 100% of the time and fluctuate more!
Introverts don't mind chatter just the right kind of chatter, they tend to be more intellectual/political/philosophical based. This doesn't mean they know everything about everything though, so need to engage.
Approaches: cut back on the internet and groups, these cut you off from interacting. Accept offers to go out by friends or join group events/activities.
If you feel uncomfortable, give yourself something to do - drinks, food, help out with organising.
Don't mind sitting down and people watching, re-charging.
All in all, don't worry about it. You'll get on with some and some you won't, speak to who you like about whatever you want. Go out when you want and do things out of your regular routine
"
I kind of agree with you... Except the looking it up on the net.
By all means do so, but you can't beat professional help... In any walk of life...
It's not the big concepts and broad knowledge that make a professional, it's the small details and knowing what to use to fix or enhance them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OMG reading this describes me perfectly!
Sometimes I hate myself!
Wish I could be the happy funny social person I am maybe once a month every day but I don't know how to change |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Wish I could be the happy funny social person I am maybe once a month every day but I don't know how to change "
"You know we should not bend to the will of the world,
And one day world will bend to your will"
Lyrics from a song, by old Russian rock band, I think they have a point there.
Apologise for poor translation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I am rubbish at small talk. I often don't get humour or sarcasm. I like swingers clubs because within 15 minutes of being there I can flirt, connect then get to the point and proposition some horny guy or couple and get naked!
Much better than any awkward conversation at a vanilla party or in a bar....
I have always suffered with social anxiety but I have no inhibitions whatsoever about expressing myself sexually. I recently found out I am on the aspergers spectrum slightly - at 52 I found that out! Now I understand my anxiety I don't get so worked up about it, m x
|
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
...Wish I could be the happy funny social person I am maybe once a month every day but I don't know how to change "
Well, you're the only one person who can do anything about it But the question is....do you really want that
If you ask me, it sounds fucking exhausting lol |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"
...Wish I could be the happy funny social person I am maybe once a month every day but I don't know how to change
Well, you're the only one person who can do anything about it But the question is....do you really want that
If you ask me, it sounds fucking exhausting lol"
A bit like sex with me
(said like Terry Thomas) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Great post Brooklyn. I relate to so much of what you said. Everyone thinks in this confident and badass person, but they only see that side of me. They don't see me hiding under my duvet for days at a time or sleeping for 3 days straight after something social. I've often thought it would be nice to find a partner in crime just like me, but I'm not sure that would be as wonderful as I imagine. Maybe we would just piss each other off too much and hide under separate duvets  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Let's talk some deep shit Let's talk about Introverts/Extroverts...
Introvert enjoy time on their own and they kinda recharge batteries by being alone and doing their own thing. Along with this, they might have sometimes anxiety about being social or interacting with people. IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!
And extrovert is generally...the opposite. So, they enjoy going out and hanging out with people....and being around tones of energy and that's how they kind of recharge. They need stimulation and socialising and so on...
But you can be both at the same time My psychologist says I am ambivalent
So here are some things/people that I have to deal with as outgoing introvert/shy extrovert:
Dating is super exhausting. You want go out and you want to meet someone and you want to have that connection... but actually going out on a date is just...TOO MUCH!!!
(I enjoy siting at home and having a delicious meal and having a perfect thing to watch on tv/Netflix. And I don't even eat my Indian food take away on Friday night if I don't have that perfect thing to watch on tv because it is like an experience of...hanging out...by yourself ) So...eating a meal on a date....I feel like you can't fully enjoy your meal...because your 'companion' wants to force awkward conversation. AND I SIGN UP FOR THAT SHIT!!!
But dating is good. It is a perfect way to find that someone to hide away with...in your house...by yourself...but with a partner.
But you're not meeting that right partner because you're hiding at home in your underwear, avoiding phone calls and messages 'I don't want to leave my house. I like it here'
Having friends is super tough too!!! You need friends and that feel of being social and you love your friends...but you recharge by being....alone So....once a month or so I like to go out on a big social and hang out with all of my friends...and I'm super outgoing....and I'm having a great time... BUT THAT IS IT. That's all I need for like 30 days 'I did my part and I made my appearance'
When I'm feeling Extroverted I will make plans at the time and then when the time comes to actually follow through I have to pep talk myself like crazy to actually do what I said I'm gonna do because...IT IS EXHAUSTING!!!! I've rather fake diarrhoea than go do that right now!!
But you have to show your face and makes your appearances to keep your friends...but not enough, so they won't keep inviting you to every gathering...
Even though I'm outgoing most of the time I still experience social anxiety.
I had trick and triters coming to my house on Halloween and I was fricking out!!!
'It suppose to be all magical and for the kids...and all that shit' and there was me 'Omg omg omg what I'm gonna say to those kids when their parents are watching me handing them candies'. I don't know what to say?! 'You're such a nice little puppy cat...' ....FUCK
In social situations I can be either super outgoing or super quiet and awkward and uncomfortable - depends on my introvert/extrovert/ambivalent mind state I guess.
It can be awkward as fuck
'Hi how are you?'
"good, how are you?"
'Good, you?'
FUCK
'Happy Birthday'
"you too..."
FUCKKK
Don't be ashamed if you're ambivalent or introvert or extrovert...
Introverts unite!!! In our own home, by yourself, alone, forever....
"
After years of being an extrovert I'm now very much introvert,love the solitude that my line of work gives me. These days I actually need a drink before I contemplate going out with what little friends I've got remaining.
Slowly but surely I'm getting a little of my old extrovert self back though but it wouldn't bother me if I didn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definitely an introvert and i have found myself in the past few years. I'm happy with this 'label'.
I've always done high profile, stressful jobs, in the public eye and found my confidence in doing so.
However, after a few years of a trauma and bad depressionI've found this has made me more introvert and i have to sometimes 'force' myself into social experiences.
However I am totally content in my own space and company, although sometimes feel i 'miss out'.I thus sit on my own fence a lot lol . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have Asperger's and find dating a challenge but meeting for no strings sex is less complicated, it's a bonus if feelings develop but if not why not have some fun along the way. I like my own company but sometimes I've got too comfortable and seek a little human interaction from time to time and the odd social meets |
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By *km45Man
over a year ago
UTTOXETER |
What a brilliant thread. A lot of what has been said sums me up. Once I get home from work I tend to hide behind my four walls. At work Im comfortable and even great at flirting.
Once out in the real world talking to the opposite sex is scary as worried about saying the wrong thing and being laughed out. If comfortable I can talk for England just need to get out of my shell. I keep getting told I'm great company and have a brilliant personality. Being told this is one thing but believing it is difficult.
Friday night I'm off to a club (first time as a single guy)though going with a friend and already I am worried about spending most of the night alone though i will sort of know people there as I think I might say the wrong thing or read the wrong signals. As much as I am nervous and even thinking of not going. I will go because I don't want to regret it.
Life is full of struggles and having gone through depression. You have to fight it and put yourself out there however scary it is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Omg this is so me, how Isit I've managed to find out what's wrong with me on a swingers site lol big seriously OP you are so right dating of meeting someone is so hard no matter how much you long for it
as an introvert and a very little to no confidents shy extrovert I have this problem everyday meeting new people making friends even ordering over a counter at mc Donald's (just eat so much easier) I've always tried to correct this but failed this is why I must be having little luck on here makes sense |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Excellent post OP
Lets face it- most of us on an internet forum are going to completely relate to feeling exhausted from social interaction!
It's so much easier to create an internet persona / alter ego that can stop a conversation with the click of a button - rather than have to deal with the awkwardness of making excuses to leave an exhausting social situation to go and watch the latest TV series you have been sitting at home in pajamas watching!
I constantly fight with the me that likes to have anonymous sex with strangers, the life and soul of the party and the me that likes to spend most of my time alone and avoiding any kind of intimate relationships with anyone!
But that's another story!
I'm not shy but then I'm not an extrovert either ...
I'm just as weird as everyone else!
And I love to sit and be a voyeur at everyone elses weird private habits - but I don't necessarily want to be involved!
And breathe
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Excellent post OP
Lets face it- most of us on an internet forum are going to completely relate to feeling exhausted from social interaction!
It's so much easier to create an internet persona / alter ego that can stop a conversation with the click of a button - rather than have to deal with the awkwardness of making excuses to leave an exhausting social situation to go and watch the latest TV series you have been sitting at home in pajamas watching!
I constantly fight with the me that likes to have anonymous sex with strangers, the life and soul of the party and the me that likes to spend most of my time alone and avoiding any kind of intimate relationships with anyone!
But that's another story!
I'm not shy but then I'm not an extrovert either ...
I'm just as weird as everyone else!
And I love to sit and be a voyeur at everyone elses weird private habits - but I don't necessarily want to be involved!
And breathe
"
Bravo for your honest comment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm very shy and introverted. Have always been happy in my own company, find meeting new people very hard going as I just lack the social skills to strike up a conversation. I panic about what to say, the more I think about it the more I panic and I come out with some guff that makes no sense. I have only a handful of friends (most of whom are loud, chat to anyone types) as meeting and making new friends is just too much like hard work and I find being in a group of people exhausting.
I guess I've given up. Probably be a recluse if I didn't have young children, I put the effort in to take them to parties but I don't mix with the other mums. They probably think I'm being aloof but I'm not, I just don't know how to maintain a conversation, so I've just stopped trying.
The hardest part of being on here (and the other site I was on) was the actual meeting bit. I find it to be a chore, so much so I now no longer bother to meet. The stress of meeting someone outweighs the sexy excitement. I'll sit and worry about conversation starters etc. Unless I met someone who is outgoing, we would probably be sat in awkward silence, that stresses me out and I talk myself out of meeting.
I look at those who are outgoing and gregarious and wish I was like that.
"
That sounds exactly like me I'm very introverted even at work, fortunately most of the time I work in a room on my own lol, but don't like going to the pub for a drink after work and even said I was ill for the last Xmas do, we do sometimes go to parties as a couple but I will be panicking all day and telling Angie that I don't want to go, conversation is so difficult too, though I think that really I have to try otherwise I would be a recluse, fortunately for me Angie is an extrovert which helps me alot |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been suffering with anxiety for years.
I've pretty much nearly conquered it.
Through learning about mindfulness and being kind to myself.
Exercise, fresh air, family and friends of course.
Be you.
Be kind.
Be true to who you are.
Oh and cake.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been suffering with anxiety for years.
I've pretty much nearly conquered it.
Through learning about mindfulness and being kind to myself.
Exercise, fresh air, family and friends of course.
Be you.
Be kind.
Be true to who you are.
Oh and cake.
"
May I ask which was there first, your anxiety or your friends? Have the same people stuck by you throughout, or have you always managed to meet new people while suffering from anxiety? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been suffering with anxiety for years.
I've pretty much nearly conquered it.
Through learning about mindfulness and being kind to myself.
Exercise, fresh air, family and friends of course.
Be you.
Be kind.
Be true to who you are.
Oh and cake.
May I ask which was there first, your anxiety or your friends? Have the same people stuck by you throughout, or have you always managed to meet new people while suffering from anxiety?"
The anxiety has been with me throughout my life.
My friends stuck by me, no matter what.
Meeting new people is harder, almost impossible when in the throes of anxiety but at my very being, I'm a social butterfly so when I'm well, I fly.
It's not the same for everyone though.
Not everyone has the same experience it seems.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The anxiety has been with me throughout my life.
My friends stuck by me, no matter what.
Meeting new people is harder, almost impossible when in the throes of anxiety but at my very being, I'm a social butterfly so when I'm well, I fly.
It's not the same for everyone though.
Not everyone has the same experience it seems.
"
Thanks for this. It's all relevant to me and it seems that I've read a lot of personal testimonials of late, most of which make reference to spouses, partners and friends. It's been reassuring to know that successful relationships are still possible, intriguing to discover how anxiety can be calmed to make it work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
The anxiety has been with me throughout my life.
My friends stuck by me, no matter what.
Meeting new people is harder, almost impossible when in the throes of anxiety but at my very being, I'm a social butterfly so when I'm well, I fly.
It's not the same for everyone though.
Not everyone has the same experience it seems.
Thanks for this. It's all relevant to me and it seems that I've read a lot of personal testimonials of late, most of which make reference to spouses, partners and friends. It's been reassuring to know that successful relationships are still possible, intriguing to discover how anxiety can be calmed to make it work."
If you want to message me I can give you some helpful tips etc
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm an introvert, the boy is an extrovert. Makes swinging an odd set up. He loves chatting through messages and social meets, and wants to make threesomes last all evening with lots of social aspects. I'm not like that at all, I don't find "chatting up" natural at all, as with social meets, they exhaust me, and quite happy for girls to come over, fuck and leave!
I think together we balance it out, but girls think I'm in a bad mood/ have an issue with them, when I'm really just bored and tired and want to have time just me and my man or myself.
Also the introverted/social anxiety, I'm fine setting up a meet, but actually when the time comes I'm like "can we get on with it before I get fed up?" I prefer off the cuff meets, my brain doesn't have time to kick in and become an anxiety mess! But not a lot of girls want that kind of meet, they want to chat and get to know you, I'm afraid this isn't a dating site, it's a swingers site. Makes it difficult to organise something. |
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