FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > men who claim to be single, when they're not
men who claim to be single, when they're not
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"Does A Persons Status Matter? Honestly is the best option but it's not always possible. ................" That's not strictly true. It IS always possible - it simply may not always be acceptable to the cheating party. | |||
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"Does A Persons Status Matter? I've never understood why there's such a fuss about whether a man is married in a relationship or single. There doesn't seem to be such a fuss about women. Passing moral judgements or others is usually pointless!" Status means nothing... but a lying git does eh!! So its ok to lie to get laid.. says more than you think lol!  | |||
" Status means nothing... but a lying git does eh!! So its ok to lie to get laid.. says more than you think lol! "Totally agree! Thats why I have been honest in the past and wouldn't approach a woman or couple that wouldn't meet married guys. Thats also why my profile has the information about my current situation on it. To be honest, I think that this fact about myself is why I have done pretty well on here. Guys have actually started messaging me asking me what is my secret! I tell them there is no secret, just be honest! If a woman wants you, then they want you. No point in lying about things just to get what you want, they will see through it and then what have you got? The thing I would add though, is that i hope this thread doesn't start on about women that sleep with married guys. Thats a WHOLE other thread and must be kept separate! X | |||
"Does A Persons Status Matter? I've never understood why there's such a fuss about whether a man is married in a relationship or single. There doesn't seem to be such a fuss about women. Surely a person goes onto a swingers' site looking for sex or, at least, interested in sex. I've met a number married women who cannot find the sex life they want either from one man or solely from one man. I see no point in passing some moral or ethical judgement on them. We meet for sex. Quite often a chat, and that's it. Surely playing around is the purpose of a swingers site. Surely, it's not up to anyone to condemn or judge others' behaviour. If someone wishes to lie to or mislead their partner that's their decision. In ideal world complete honestly would be the best option. But, there are also individuals who feel attached to their partners but cannot achieve sexual happieness either from them or from them alone. In every other way, they are happily married or related. Sometimes there is deception. This, of course, is not the best option. What is the sexually unsatisfied person to do? Honestly is the best option but it's not always possible. Of course, some women fear ending in a cat-fight. And that's understandable. But, again,that fails to address the issue of why their partner was straying. Sex needs are powerful and they can't and, probably, shouldn't be suppressed. Passing moral judgements or others is usually pointless!" Of course it matters, it gives people the option of playing with marrieds or not....wether that female or male so I disagree with that part of your post. The rest of your post I agree with. What people do with their lives is nothing to do with us, why they do it, is nothing to do with us either. | |||
" What people do with their lives is nothing to do with us, why they do it, is nothing to do with us either. " Is that actually true? Surely if someone you're (innocently and in ignorance of their domestic situation) playing with is cheating there's the risk that will bring trouble to your door. If you KNOW about it and have weighed up the risks that's one thing. Not knowing is something entirely different. | |||
" What people do with their lives is nothing to do with us, why they do it, is nothing to do with us either. Is that actually true? Surely if someone you're (innocently and in ignorance of their domestic situation) playing with is cheating there's the risk that will bring trouble to your door. If you KNOW about it and have weighed up the risks that's one thing. Not knowing is something entirely different." We don't meet with marrieds, and one of the reasons is what you are saying, we don't want any trouble at "our door" so to speak. All we can do is go with our gut instinct as to wether the people we meet are really single. We do our own checks before we meet anyone, and any whiff of "this man is married" we drop like a stone. Obviously one may slip through the net, but we will know we did all we can to try and make sure they were single. | |||
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"What gets us is the marrieds (male and female) who say they are being honest about being in a relationship, the only prson they are not being honest with is their partner, can you really trust these people? Unfortunately during our time on the scene (4 years now) we have seen a few incidents where there have been problems with people playing away. Don't wish to judge morals at all but we all have choices and ours is not to get involved." I agree and before when I was still with my wife, you are right completely. Now she knows everything I am doing whilst we are separated, but I fully know not all guys are as honest with their partner, and this is wrong. That is why you then get cancelled meets etc... | |||
"Does A Persons Status Matter? I've never understood why there's such a fuss about whether a man is married in a relationship or single. There doesn't seem to be such a fuss about women. Surely a person goes onto a swingers' site looking for sex or, at least, interested in sex. I've met a number married women who cannot find the sex life they want either from one man or solely from one man. I see no point in passing some moral or ethical judgement on them. We meet for sex. Quite often a chat, and that's it. Surely playing around is the purpose of a swingers site. Surely, it's not up to anyone to condemn or judge others' behaviour. If someone wishes to lie to or mislead their partner that's their decision. In ideal world complete honestly would be the best option. But, there are also individuals who feel attached to their partners but cannot achieve sexual happieness either from them or from them alone. In every other way, they are happily married or related. Sometimes there is deception. This, of course, is not the best option. What is the sexually unsatisfied person to do? Honestly is the best option but it's not always possible. Of course, some women fear ending in a cat-fight. And that's understandable. But, again,that fails to address the issue of why their partner was straying. Sex needs are powerful and they can't and, probably, shouldn't be suppressed. Passing moral judgements or others is usually pointless!" .... with the greatest of respect i disagree with various bits of what you said... Does a persons status matter..... Absolutley it does!!!! If a couple ask to play with a single guys..... and you happen to be married, or have a gf, then surely you are deceiving them! You are then in effect make my job harder as a truely single guy... and if people have been lied to in the past then they are less likely to play with the truely single guys in the future.... I have absolutely no problem if you are playing away, that choice is yours, so long as you are honest about it and don't hide behind the "single guy" moniker, I have played with married ladies, most with the hubbys consent but one ot two without, but I know there circumstance and then that is then MY decision to make..... If is a case of giving people the full information, and then letting them make up there own minds.... | |||
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"Surely plaing behind your partners back is having an affair or am I completely missing the point? the fact that you are on a swing site doesn't change this or does it? The only difference as I see it is that you don't have to go out and find a willing victim" I think most people see 'having an affair' as different from swinging. Having an affair is usually a longer term business between just two people, one of whom often has higher expectations of where the affair will go than the other, while hardly anyone in swinging expects more of it than short term fun. That's not to say strong long term friendships can't be built between swingers but, in my experience, they rarely threaten marriages. | |||
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"can i ask why men, say they are single, on profile, and it ends up that they are actually with living a gf and or married ? caught a few out saying single and when u ask a few questions, like do u have own place, etc, can u accomdate... they say.... oh yes, I am single.. the gf/wife doesn't know....but would u F**k me anyway. grrrrrrr what should happen to the men who lie on here? i am really sick of it" A lot of people men and woman come on here and play away from home due to an unhappy relationship at home but something that always strikes me is if they spend the time looking into fixing their relationship rather than investing the time on a swinging site they might fix their marraiges. fair enuff in some cases theres no fix, but many times it just might. As for doing something about this all i suggest is be cautious when talking to folks. | |||
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"I've said my piece but why is the assumption of so many that it's only men who lie about their status?" probably because the sheer ammount of males on the site compared to woman. | |||
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"A number of things on my mind: 1) Whilst some people don't want to meet/play with "single but married" men (at all), some don't mind as long as the honesty is there and they are given that option. Swinging does require some basic level of honesty, and I agree - the people you play with need certain basics to be true. If a single guy is actually married or has a partner that is unaware of his "co-curricular activities", then in essence, that partner's opinion is that he has lied to her and hence cheated on her (or him, for gay partners). Surely this cannot be seen as swinging in any sense? 2) I don't like single guys that cheat and ruin it for others ruining it for me - a couple I know met with ONE single guy when they started playing, and sadly he was a tw*t so they swore off single guys. Its a shame as we get on but that one experience means we understand that they and I will NEVER play. Because of that ONE tw*t. 3) I'm as single as single can be - I however do not appreciate comments like "so you basically swing cause you can't get a wife/gf". Its my choice - if I did that to "prove" that I could, then I'd basically be one of the said "single but married" guys we so deride. Or I'd be playing as a couple (that didn't work for me so I'm not doing THAT again! lol) 4) How come no one addresses this same issue with "single but married" WOMEN We know they exist, most of us know one - yet no one bats an eyelid. I had to laugh when I saw one lady's profile that had 2 interesting comments (paraphrased): "I am married and hubby doesn't know - the relationship is going no where hence why I do this, so i would appreciate discretion" and in the next bit "single guys, if you're married I don't ant to know, no matter how big your cock is!". Double standards? And how come loads of couples are SO willing to "turn a blind eye" in the case of women that do this, yet have a massive go at single guys that do? I'm interested in this. 5) In my opinion, its simple - criticise both men and women [that do this] or criticise neither. Picking and choosing merely fuels the "double standards" debate." Ahabs - look at our post, we do say about married women playing away being as bad as the men and we avoid them too. This is one of the best threads we have seen, so many different views but at the end of the day we all have choices and make the ones that suit us. Totally agree though that all singles shouldn't be tarred with the same brush, its like all football fans being labled hooligans which obviously thay aren't. | |||
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"Its the numpties that lie that gives genuine guys like myself a bad name. Now i don't bother contacting anybody unless someone contacts me first. " I agree! I find its simpler to give someone who`s profile I like a wink and let them follow it up if they want. Ok it might mean I dont get to meet too many ppl, but I have found that most ppl assume if you message them when your single its quite often the "oh god, another single troll" response. Though saying that some assume just a wink is being lazy, but I see it as a wink shows interest but not a wish to intrude where I am not wanted. A quick glance at my profile should suffice rather than reading through some (possibly long winded) introduction message I send. Be assured If I wink I have read your profile.  | |||
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"We have no deep moral issues with marrieds playing away - the bottom line is that their marriage / sex life / reasons for playing away are nothing to do with us. However, we prefer to avoid married men simply because we've found it's just too much hassle arranging meets with them. They generally can't accommodate, can't meet at weekends (the only time we can play) and even if they can, quite often spend time looking at their watches to get home by their 'curfew' even if they can get out. Being told a guy can get out 'for a couple of hours' hardly inspires us to want to meet him! We just can't be bothered with it to be honest. We tend to play at clubs and if we meet a guy we'd like to play with (and the feeling is mutual), whether he's married or not doesn't come into it (how would you know anyway?). He's at the club, we're at the club and we have the opportunity to play. I can imagine it's very different for a single fem though. If an irate wife contacted pom and me about her husband's infidelity, we could confidently say that we're swingers TOGETHER so aren't cheating and she needs to take the issue up with her errant spouse. However, it would be a lot more awkward for a single fem caught up in that situation. I can fully understand why she wouldn't want to touch a married guy with a bargepole. As for status on profiles ... a good idea if only everyone was honest but I think we all know plenty aren't. However, with experience, you can normally sniff out a married guy who is lying on his status pretty quickly and can act accordingly." We are much te same but won't knowingly meet a married person playing away (male of female) but have played with both at clubs and not asked the question so don't know the answer. Just as another point, do you people watch at clubs? if you are there all day it can be quite an experience, the number of singles that leave between 4.45 and 5.30 is staggering amd again around 11 ............ Wonder why that is?  | |||
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"can i ask why men, say they are single, on profile, and it ends up that they are actually with living a gf and or married ? caught a few out saying single and when u ask a few questions, like do u have own place, etc, can u accomdate... they say.... oh yes, I am single.. the gf/wife doesn't know....but would u F**k me anyway. grrrrrrr" If someone tells me that he's single when he's actually married .... he's LYING If someone uses this site for sex without their partner's knowledge .... they're CHEATING I don't fuck liars or cheats. They should be ashamed of themselves. | |||
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"In swinging there is always this weird hierarchy. Single women are at the top, then couples, then single guys. Everyone is always looking for some level of one-up-man-ship. The old, oh yes, we do this and this but not that. Anyone who does that is sick and we wouldn't meet them. A guy who is married but swinging as a single is just slightly worse than a true single guy. I think people need to be able to place themselves and others on a ladder to give themselves some sort of moral authority over others." Not really in agreement with that although, based on some of the comments often posted I fully understand why you would think that. We have come around to the way of thinking that the GENUINE couples and singles are all very much equal because of what they bring to the party. The wannabes, time wasters, cheats and liars are all simply a complete waste of rations and how much happier would the genuine folk everywhere be without them meddling in this very simple past time | |||
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"a guy that plays on his own whether he is married or single is he not a player rather than a swinger" Not quite sure what you mean by that. Am I a player because I'm genuinely single? I would never do this behind someones back if I was in a relationship, and I've never been with anyone who would try this out. So because I have a semblence of respect for others I get roped in with people who cheat on their partners?
"what happend to guys going out on the pull to bars and nightclubs or is it the easy way to look on adult sites these days...stella..xxxx" If all I wanted was randomn sex with a pissed up woman, your right I'd be better off going to a club. Its a damn site easier for a start, but it isn't even in the same league as this. For a start if I approached a couple in a bar for a threesome I'd find my self making a packet from the tooth fairy that night. Sex comes in many flavours, most that wouldn't be available to me if I was in a relationship with someone who didn't want to try it, or if I was to go 'on the pull'. | |||
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"Does A Persons Status Matter? I've never understood why there's such a fuss about whether a man is married in a relationship or single. There doesn't seem to be such a fuss about women. Surely a person goes onto a swingers' site looking for sex or, at least, interested in sex. I've met a number married women who cannot find the sex life they want either from one man or solely from one man. I see no point in passing some moral or ethical judgement on them. We meet for sex. Quite often a chat, and that's it. Surely playing around is the purpose of a swingers site. Surely, it's not up to anyone to condemn or judge others' behaviour. If someone wishes to lie to or mislead their partner that's their decision. In ideal world complete honestly would be the best option. But, there are also individuals who feel attached to their partners but cannot achieve sexual happieness either from them or from them alone. In every other way, they are happily married or related. Sometimes there is deception. This, of course, is not the best option. What is the sexually unsatisfied person to do? Honestly is the best option but it's not always possible. Of course, some women fear ending in a cat-fight. And that's understandable. But, again,that fails to address the issue of why their partner was straying. Sex needs are powerful and they can't and, probably, shouldn't be suppressed. Passing moral judgements or others is usually pointless!" I would say it does matter. If the wife or GF knows they are swinging and condones it then fair enough. However a lot of these men are sneakily doing it behind their wifes GF's backs. | |||
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"i personally think nobody has a right to judge anyone on here regardless of their status. honesty is always best however. if you are honest then you will never get caught out, never piss anyone off and its easier to be honest then to have to lie and remember what you lied about! " i think anyone has the right to judge a lying cheating scumbag | |||
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"why?? "Because if they are prepared to lie to the one person who is meant to mean the world to them........ Then what else are they lying about! Cheaters are scum, regardless if they are male or female. You can't fix a relationship by having an affair. You fix relationships by communicating, not getting your leg over with someone else. | |||
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"can i ask why men, say they are single, on profile, and it ends up that they are actually with living a gf and or married ? caught a few out saying single and when u ask a few questions, like do u have own place, etc, can u accomdate... they say.... oh yes, I am single.. the gf/wife doesn't know....but would u F**k me anyway. grrrrrrr what should happen to the men who lie on here? i am really sick of it" It's not just the men. Some women who are cheating on their partners do it. If a woman is cheating on their husband/partner thats not for me to pass moral judgement. I have no idea of the situation at home, why they are cheating etc. However I would prefer to know if they are really not single like they claim. If soomebody is not getting love, good sex etc at home I think it is up to them if they want to come on a site like this and find it. Also some single women have on their profiles my husband/boyfriend may join in or just watch? If you have a husband/boyfriend who joins in why don't you make a couple profile? | |||
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"why??So,suppose a woman spends alot of time"visitng family",but cant take a call on her mobile from you. Or goes on far too many works socials,again,cant take calls. Takes far too many out of the room phone calls. Is given the chance to come clean and says"dont you trust me?". And has said on occasion,they would be scared to admit an affair for fear of losing their soul mate. Whats all that about? So,is a parner cheating?or playing the game as fair as he can see it? But at the same time,being discrete,not taking revenge and bringing other names into it. Not to mention her daughter dropping the odd, "oops" factor in just to confirm suspicions even more. I now see that as a seperate part of her life,and no longer question it,just as my being here is a seperate part of my life. If she ever decides she wants to explore more. We will become a site couple. But,i guess my cards are marked by my posting. So,im not sure i want to meet so many judgemental people. Infact,im considering it as a total waste of my time,not others,as im here to swing. Not date,as alot seem to think the site is here for. Just pure no strings fun,but i can now see by such remarks,by men women and couples,that im scum. No wonder i dont get replies. Someone once said to me,you will have a job getting in on the swinging scene unless you are personally known to one of them,then the doors open. I can now see this to be true. I dont think i should even be on the site,cuz ive not swung yet,and prob never will. But i dont think i can be removed from the site while i try.
Because if they are prepared to lie to the one person who is meant to mean the world to them........
Then what else are they lying about!
Cheaters are scum, regardless if they are male or female.
You can't fix a relationship by having an affair. You fix relationships by communicating, not getting your leg over with someone else." | |||
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"I totally disagree there, as we met a guy who didnt tell us he was married until we met, which which put us in a akward position, as we are a loveing couple and would never cheat on each other. So you it does matter, as it makes you feel as bad as what you should feel as your part of someone elses cheating. We couldnt stop thinking about his poor wife, and never again would we be put in to that position ever again!!! Its wrong to cheat anyway and should be up front as some people dont care, and its those who you should be meeting up with mate." sorry, let me clarify.. I think everyone should be honest about their situation upfront on profile, then you can decide to meet married peeps.. some people meet them... some don't.. it's a personal choice. my point was about discretion following any meet. sorry to hear you were put in a horrible situation. | |||
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"what diference does it make wether married or not. if your on site then it,s to meet and have sex. so should,nt make a bloody difference you either want to shag them or you dont. i however cant condone there dishonesty but swingers swing not interigate people" Nobody is being interrogated. People are stating their choices as to whether they want to be part of a marital deceit or not. It beggars belief to get messages like , yeah babe I am married but at least im honest, they really haven't thought about honesty at all. Surely their first honesty should be to their life partner not an internet stranger? I tend not to moralise with them I just say no thanks. Another reason NOT to get involved with marrieds or attacheds is..... Whilst they revel in the secrecy , deception and highs the other party cannot phone them , has to fit in around their domestic situation and has to accomodate. Not messing with marrieds is not just a moral decision it's practical and selfish .... they are not worth the hassle absolutely nothing to offer in a sea of fabbberrrrlussssss singles. | |||
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