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Confidence
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hi you lovely lot, we seem to be having a problem with our confidence lately.
Mrs m put some weight on due to medications and back in February we had a message saying we are too fat now to play with. Since then we haven't played, we've wanted too but seem to lost our moJo.
We are both feeling too fat or too old now and wondered if anyone else had had this issue and if so, how did they get over it?
We been swinging 3 years now,been to many clubs and never had any issues till now, so just don't understand it or how to break this feeling.
Not after worthless compliments,want constructive advice please
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know if this helps, and I'm normally reluctant to give advice for fear of being condescending,but keep in mind you're certainly not the only people in this situation. Remember there are going to be people you will match with. I can appreciate that's easier said than done.
We know where you're coming from as weight gain has affected our swinging options but we've just come to accept it.
We get nasty messages too. Report to admins and block, ignore them. They obviously weren't worth bothering with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Firstly don't let one idiot's message put a negative twist on something you both enjoying doing. Has the lack of mojo just stemmed from that one message? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly don't let one idiot's message put a negative twist on something you both enjoying doing. Has the lack of mojo just stemmed from that one message? "
Yes it seems too. Which is strange as we are normally hard skinned. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Firstly don't let one idiot's message put a negative twist on something you both enjoying doing. Has the lack of mojo just stemmed from that one message?
Yes it seems too. Which is strange as we are normally hard skinned."
A shame that such comments can have such an impact. Is it worth you both taking a short break so the pressure is off so to speak to finding the mojo? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm new to the scene but as this is a forum i guess my advice can be as good as others and i think a good idea would be to try something different sexsually that you wasnt into before. Something new can always spice/stir things up. And maybe use some of the newbies as you can teach them a thing or 2 which could give you back some confidence. So yea i'd say learn or teach n i would love to know if you use my advice and how it goes. Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Firstly don't let one idiot's message put a negative twist on something you both enjoying doing. Has the lack of mojo just stemmed from that one message?
Yes it seems too. Which is strange as we are normally hard skinned.
A shame that such comments can have such an impact. Is it worth you both taking a short break so the pressure is off so to speak to finding the mojo? "
We haven't played since February. Took a break, however it's like we've forgot how to relax and have fun  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi you lovely lot, we seem to be having a problem with our confidence lately.
Mrs m put some weight on due to medications and back in February we had a message saying we are too fat now to play with. Since then we haven't played, we've wanted too but seem to lost our moJo.
We are both feeling too fat or too old now and wondered if anyone else had had this issue and if so, how did they get over it?
We been swinging 3 years now,been to many clubs and never had any issues till now, so just don't understand it or how to break this feeling.
Not after worthless compliments,want constructive advice please
"
I've fabs your photos and from other profiles I see there is nothing to worry about don't let some nameless pointless message knock your confidence 3 years of experience shouldn't be allowed to go for nothing  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well here goes, my two pence worth.
If someone has selected you for play, it means they want to play with you.
You have honest pictures up, and yes they aren't going to be for everyone, but looking at the number of verifications you have you are clearly still getting plenty of bites.
If you weren't what they wanted, they wouldn't be seeking you.
Now, I can identify with the feelings you have. My place in this profile is listed as "athletic" and yes, people do say I have a very good body, but I don't see it. When I look in the mirror I'm disgusted quite a lot of the time. And I do get embarrassed at times about various things about my body. But I just have to grasp the nettle and remember that I am what I am, some people want me, some people don't, and that's life.
Confidence is fragile, and it's rather like a muscle. It can be damaged from over extension, but it can only be repaired by exercise. For as long as you remain off the scene, closing yourself off our of fear that repair will not happen, and it will become an endless cycle of atrophy and bad feeling.
My advice - Get back on the horse. As soon as you can. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Well here goes, my two pence worth.
If someone has selected you for play, it means they want to play with you.
You have honest pictures up, and yes they aren't going to be for everyone, but looking at the number of verifications you have you are clearly still getting plenty of bites.
If you weren't what they wanted, they wouldn't be seeking you.
Now, I can identify with the feelings you have. My place in this profile is listed as "athletic" and yes, people do say I have a very good body, but I don't see it. When I look in the mirror I'm disgusted quite a lot of the time. And I do get embarrassed at times about various things about my body. But I just have to grasp the nettle and remember that I am what I am, some people want me, some people don't, and that's life.
Confidence is fragile, and it's rather like a muscle. It can be damaged from over extension, but it can only be repaired by exercise. For as long as you remain off the scene, closing yourself off our of fear that repair will not happen, and it will become an endless cycle of atrophy and bad feeling.
My advice - Get back on the horse. As soon as you can."
Thank you for you honest answer x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't worry about it, I've been too I'm too fat on here (I'm a size 10!) but it's each to their own I suppose. We all have a body type that we are attracted to.
Mrs NbN xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Don't worry about it, I've been too I'm too fat on here (I'm a size 10!) but it's each to their own I suppose. We all have a body type that we are attracted to.
Mrs NbN xx"
Fat at size 10 I'm a 18 and was 12 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't worry about it, I've been too I'm too fat on here (I'm a size 10!) but it's each to their own I suppose. We all have a body type that we are attracted to.
Mrs NbN xx
Fat at size 10 I'm a 18 and was 12 "
size 10 or 18 size really isn't an issue your beautiful because you are you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't worry about it, I've been too I'm too fat on here (I'm a size 10!) but it's each to their own I suppose. We all have a body type that we are attracted to.
Mrs NbN xx
Fat at size 10 I'm a 18 and was 12 "
It was when I had a single woman profile and a guy said that he preferred his women slimmer and said I was too fat & curvy! 
At the end of the day you need to embrace your curves that you have and make it work for you. There's things about my body that I'm not happy with but I am who I am and its works for me. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't worry about it, I've been too I'm too fat on here (I'm a size 10!) but it's each to their own I suppose. We all have a body type that we are attracted to.
Mrs NbN xx
Fat at size 10 I'm a 18 and was 12 size 10 or 18 size really isn't an issue your beautiful because you are you "
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By *andsonjohnMan
over a year ago
in the eye of the storm |
"Firstly don't let one idiot's message put a negative twist on something you both enjoying doing. Has the lack of mojo just stemmed from that one message?
Yes it seems too. Which is strange as we are normally hard skinned."
The reason his comment got to you this time was because your already self conscious of the fact you have put on some weight due to things out of your control .
The easiest way to get your mojo back is to get back on the horse so to speak .
Its a bit like a jump jockey who falls from his horse the only way to stop it effecting his confidence over the jumps is to get back into the saddle and race .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Well here goes, my two pence worth.
If someone has selected you for play, it means they want to play with you.
You have honest pictures up, and yes they aren't going to be for everyone, but looking at the number of verifications you have you are clearly still getting plenty of bites.
If you weren't what they wanted, they wouldn't be seeking you.
Now, I can identify with the feelings you have. My place in this profile is listed as "athletic" and yes, people do say I have a very good body, but I don't see it. When I look in the mirror I'm disgusted quite a lot of the time. And I do get embarrassed at times about various things about my body. But I just have to grasp the nettle and remember that I am what I am, some people want me, some people don't, and that's life.
Confidence is fragile, and it's rather like a muscle. It can be damaged from over extension, but it can only be repaired by exercise. For as long as you remain off the scene, closing yourself off our of fear that repair will not happen, and it will become an endless cycle of atrophy and bad feeling.
My advice - Get back on the horse. As soon as you can."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi you lovely lot, we seem to be having a problem with our confidence lately.
Mrs m put some weight on due to medications and back in February we had a message saying we are too fat now to play with. Since then we haven't played, we've wanted too but seem to lost our moJo.
We are both feeling too fat or too old now and wondered if anyone else had had this issue and if so, how did they get over it?
We been swinging 3 years now,been to many clubs and never had any issues till now, so just don't understand it or how to break this feeling.
Not after worthless compliments,want constructive advice please
"
I love your tits. Don't care if that's worthless, I want to feel them. |
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"Thanks for all the replies. Time we hot chams again I guess "
Definitely...it's an odd thing confidence as it can only come from within and something that has happened externally has knocked yours. Easier said than done sometimes but just remember how you were before this event and recreate it in your head and heart and then just go for it. If you are happy and confident with each other then nothing and no one else matters. Have fun. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi you lovely lot, we seem to be having a problem with our confidence lately.
Mrs m put some weight on due to medications and back in February we had a message saying we are too fat now to play with. Since then we haven't played, we've wanted too but seem to lost our moJo.
We are both feeling too fat or too old now and wondered if anyone else had had this issue and if so, how did they get over it?
We been swinging 3 years now,been to many clubs and never had any issues till now, so just don't understand it or how to break this feeling.
Not after worthless compliments,want constructive advice please
I love your tits. Don't care if that's worthless, I want to feel them. "
Feel all you like |
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OP i have always had issues with confidence. I have always been overweight since being a young child and never thought i was sexy or attractive.
What really changed my life was meeting someone who absolutely adored my body. We were fuck buddies for about a year and it was so hot. I had never felt so sexy or desirable.
What one person finds unnatractive someone else will find the sexiest thing i the world.
I think going go a club would be the best thing to do. Go with no expectations, plan to not play if it makes you feel better. Just have a night out meeting people and chatting. There will almost certainly be someone there who thinks you are beautiful and will tell you so. Accept the compliments and allow it to boost your ego x |
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"Thanks for all the replies. Time we hot chams again I guess "
Good idea. Go with the intention of relaxing and enjoying yourselves. I think you will be pleasantly surprised at the amount of people that do want to play with you! I know from experience that it is hard for a woman when you put on weight but it doesn't make you less desirable. It just makes you more desirable to a different group of people  |
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Go shopping, treat yourself to something you feel sexy in. Something that highlights your assets and covers those you don't want to show. Whether your an 8 or 28 I always think you are as sexy as you feel.
Nutty |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My confidence (such as it was) has completely deserted me, so I know how you feel OP. I've got social anxiety, body anxiety, pperformance anxiety - it's really taking the fun out of Fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Top tip for you OP- my friends say they hang out with fatter older people so they look young and hot in comparison.
Ohhhh crap... I just realised why they get chatted up and I don't... 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As a lady who's taste in other ladies is for the fuller figure (and also someone who's had the usual body shaming messages directed at me too...gotta love some of the jerks on here ) I agree with the getting back out into the club scene again. Whatever your size/general looks there will be people who find you attractive, and people who don't. Why some feel the need to knock others is beyond me, so narrow minded. Get that lush tushy back to chams xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Men love meat not bone so don't worry ,I've put on weight due to meds ,learn to love your body ,as long as your parner or husband thinks your sexy that's the main thing ...the curvy woman is in .xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm fat, we still get meets, Mark isn't the slimmest either, but we accept we aren't everyone's cup of tea and yes it is sometimes hard as you feel you have to fit into a standard and when your confidence is knocked it can take a while and a couple of good night's out (or in) to get my confidence back on track. But I suggest getting back on the horse so to speak and remembering it's bout enjoying yourselves not about how a few others may view you x
Px |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi you lovely lot, we seem to be having a problem with our confidence lately.
Mrs m put some weight on due to medications and back in February we had a message saying we are too fat now to play with. Since then we haven't played, we've wanted too but seem to lost our moJo.
We are both feeling too fat or too old now and wondered if anyone else had had this issue and if so, how did they get over it?
We been swinging 3 years now,been to many clubs and never had any issues till now, so just don't understand it or how to break this feeling.
Not after worthless compliments,want constructive advice please
"
having met you both I can say stuff everyone else...
Also being a big lass myself I can also understand where your coming from... every so often I have a " to fat for fab " moment.... but I take some fun photos... and then look at the fact that I'm still me... and those that are important to me still think I'm sexy... and once I find my confidence I don't give a rats arse... I'm me and I like me...
It's kinda a case of pick yourself up and give yourself a good talking to x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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How very shallow you are still the same people on the inside and I for one would lo e to meet you.
I hate how people only go by looks alone its very shallow
Im not "sizist" in the least. If you are a nice person thats all that matters |
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Bring your confidence back gradually - potentially by visiting clubs or groups without any pressure or expectations to play. This could get you returned to being around others in a sexual arena. You'll likely find others who are friendly and respectful as well as showing interest.
A lot of guys like giving massage, so a massage only meet might also raise confidence levels.
Take things gradually and as small steps. There are people who like every body type here. |
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Hey Mr M
I know what you're like with confidence wobbles but that's all it is.
You know what you feel about Mrs M and how sexy you find her, so if one fool says something bad you've got to look at it in the full scheme of things.
I know it's easily said but plenty of lovely big women have a great time on here so please get her to stop worrying |
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