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Advice
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do?"
The first question we would ask is why you want to cheat on your wife? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Your poor wife. You settled and she is not your soul mate? Why would you stay with her if you think this way about her. Regarding your colleague don't go there, work and pleasure very rarely work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Walk away mate. Don't give up your family for a fit piece of ass. You will be destroying lives just to dip your dick. Not worth it. Btw there was something that made you choose your wife go back to that in your head and remind yourself about it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do?"
Leave your wife. The fact you describe her as your 'current wife' and say you settled for her makes it clear how you view her.
The fact that you only seem willing to do that if you have an escape route of an affair your colleague is just cowardly and incredibly cruel to your wife.
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"I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do?"
So you want to make sure feelings are reciprocated before you make a move? Just in case it's in your mind and you then end up without your wife and without your colleague? |
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By *TheBoneMan
over a year ago
Bury, Lancashire |
Even on this site nobody likes a cheat !!
Actually it sounds like its all going on in your head as you have not even told the woman of your feelings for her and she hasn't expressed any for you.
give it up and pay attention to your marriage and young kids rather than your nob before your wife finds out and kicks your sorry ass to the kerb. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do?"
This is a hard one tbh and really, you are the only one who can make the decision.
You say you're in love with you're colleague, I'm thinking it's more lust or infatuation??? The reality is very much different from the fantasy, believe me, I know (yes, I'm married. Throw stones at this adulterous whore if you like, it bounces off!).
I would think long and hard about what you have to loose because you may not have anything to gain!
Don't mix business with pleasure on any level, it's very messy!!!
Good luck op, whatever you decide. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I need sone level headed advice, and whilst some I may get nay miss the mark somewhat, I feel that there are probably a fair few people here who know what I'm going through, given their urges for passion.
I'm in my early thitries, good job and loving family. A wife, 2 young children under 7.
For the past 2 years I've been in love with a colleage. She's everything I've ever wanted in a woman. There's no doubting I settled when I married my current wife, even if she loves me more than anything. She's not my soul mate although of course I feel strongly for her and care for her dearly.
I have not made a single move on my colleage but we very day that passes, I feel the urge to do so more and more. I do sense a reciprocal feeling, but I'm a bloke and could be picking up the wrong signals.
What should I do?"
You know how these threads go? Normally by someone saying, "Show her your profile."
There is some merit in that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't cheat. If you want to cross over to the greener grass then at least be fair to your poor wife and tell her your intentions. Firstly you are on here as a singleton and assume she has no idea. |
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We think you need to show them both your profile and this forum thread . And see how it goes . Or take a look at what really is wrong with your life. Do you really communicate to each other your feelings . Don't confuse lust with love . Xmas is the time when couples spend a lot of time together and rash decisions are stupidly made . Close your profile and sort out home as fab is really not the place to find real answers that you seek |
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"Walk away mate. Don't give up your family for a fit piece of ass. You will be destroying lives just to dip your dick. Not worth it. Btw there was something that made you choose your wife go back to that in your head and remind yourself about it."
This  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Than you both. There's certainly wisdom in that. Although I don't feel my colleague is a piece of ass as such, far from it, I've felt more love than lust, you are correct that I felt once a similar way about my wife. Just over time, this has faded, more so since we had children, and now we are more housemates than anything. I feel terrible for how I feel. I have started looking at other jobs to get away from my colleague in the hope that distance will help. |
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"Please don't take the self righteous route. I'm here for advice, not judgement, as my OP states."
It's a public forum so people can make whatever comment they want within the rules and as your situation is one that many have strong opinions about, you shouldn't be so surprised that people will express those views quite vehemently. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm not surprised. I'm well aware of how forums work. I'm simply looking for conversations to be more constructive, and hope those with similar situations to offer their advice from their own experiences. If you have hang-ups about what I'm saying, you should
go and seek counselling or something, regardless od |
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"I'm not surprised. I'm well aware of how forums work. I'm simply looking for conversations to be more constructive, and hope those with similar situations to offer their advice from their own experiences. If you have hang-ups about what I'm saying, you should
go and seek counselling or something, regardless od"
Me?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not surprised. I'm well aware of how forums work. I'm simply looking for conversations to be more constructive, and hope those with similar situations to offer their advice from their own experiences. If you have hang-ups about what I'm saying, you should
go and seek counselling or something, regardless od"
I think you need a serious talk with your wife. Are you happy with her? As it seems like your not in which case staying with her is unfair on both of you. I know it's difficult with kids involved but you need to be happy and so does your wife. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
Bit confused.... OP from a couple profile? Got to hope your wife doesn't find out from here.
Anyway my thoughts are you should be having this conversation at home .... not on here.... whatever you end up doing we care very little about you but your family do.
V xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Please don't take the self righteous route. I'm here for advice, not judgement, as my OP states."
In fairness your opening post makes it near impossible not to judge you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry Op but the infidelity police will be along shortly to arrest you and sentencing you to being block and branded with the dirty c on your forehead.
Now to help you with your problem. First thing you need to do is find out if this co worker feels the same way about you.
If she does I'm sorry but one of you has to quit. Work place romance usually ends up in court if one of you is a boss or supervisor.
This is very important because you will need copious amounts of money for a divorce and new life.
Now the hard part. You don't have to divorce your wife immediately.... try to stay with her until the children are at least 18 , because child support can be really expensive if you leave with the children so young. Also if you must divorce your wife try to give her a one time settlement instead of having to keep paying her alimony.
The best case for you is to have your wife turn a blind eye to your philandering and she keeps up all appearances as the happy couple. Good luck
For the infidelity police . I'm not condoning cheating... I just like to help people with their problems, without judgement.
Some of you would give a throat cancer patient a lecture on the dangers of smoking when they come into the doctors office chemotherapy.
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OP, you haven't cheated yet and I also dont judge cheaters. I think you should talk to your wife about how you both feel. If there wasn't a 'gap' in the relationship, your colleague wouldn't have crept into your mind. I think it's infatuation and it's not like you even really know if it's going to be reciprocated. The worst way to start a new relationship would be to jump straight from one to another. Can you and your wife salvage and develop what you have? Or did have. Do you want to be part of your kids' lives on a daily basis without the drama that often goes with a split? Are you sure the other side is greener? You haven't done all the mundane soul destroying things with a new partner yet, so how do you know what will happen? You need to let one relationship go before the new one starts. If this new person is indeed your soul mate, you will both be aware and talking about it .... work place romances mean the only thing you may have in common is the work ....
If you dont truly love your wife, it would be better to let her go, but I think you seriously need to stop reading the Mills and Boon's (Harlequin Romance, for our American friend) and think about what love means in the real world.
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My partner and I went through a rocky patch. For sexually infatuated with each other in the early days to. Min existent sex after 2 kids in under 2 years. We talked, we fell out we made up,we talked, we discovered swinging! I was not impressed at first but... we talked and worried and and we love it.. we talk more about second our fellings much more now.
Op you are the only onto decide.. but my advice... if you hadn't grasped... talk to each other.. there could be many reasons you are drifting apart.. ask her the truth may hurt but then the truth does. Man up op and TALK... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you. I think if I do decide to end my marriage, I will leave a gap before jumping into this new relationship. That's even if it is reciprocated. I don't care about money, the house, the car or anything. If I'm the one to leave, then I should leave everything behind. I don't want my kids doing without because of my choices. I cerainy want to be involved in their lives if they will let me. I've been the main carer for them for 6 years as my wife works full time on a good salary. I only work part time. My wife hasn't done anything wrong in particular, we have just grown apart so much. I think the fairest thing to do is speak to my wife. Thanks all for your advice, and sorry to out a downer on a fun site x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thank you. I think if I do decide to end my marriage, I will leave a gap before jumping into this new relationship. That's even if it is reciprocated. I don't care about money, the house, the car or anything. If I'm the one to leave, then I should leave everything behind. I don't want my kids doing without because of my choices. I cerainy want to be involved in their lives if they will let me. I've been the main carer for them for 6 years as my wife works full time on a good salary. I only work part time. My wife hasn't done anything wrong in particular, we have just grown apart so much. I think the fairest thing to do is speak to my wife. Thanks all for your advice, and sorry to out a downer on a fun site x"
No worries... we are all here to help you even if we don't agree with your choices. Good luck |
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