FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > friendliness?
friendliness?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard? |
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?"
Done and dusted!
We all have various reasons for deleting messages, ours include those wordy first messages of "hi," the wordier ones of "I'm in a nearby hotel for the night, fancy playing," and cock shots either included or as a profile pic.
To each his/her own, and deleting often saves time and energy on all sides.
While we don't get massive quantities of messages, life is too short to respond to those who obviously haven't read the profile.
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?"
Is there any difference to getting your message deleted without a reply and getting a reply of no thanks? Either way the person you are emailing is telling you no.
Take a no reply as a no thanks. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?"
300 messages x say 3 mins to write back.. thats 900 mins . do you have that kind of time in your life..oh and by 600 mins theres another 200 messages from the people you did and didnt reply too...arggghhhhhhhhhhh. thats why i have my filters ALL on its nothing personal, i just cant cope with it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it's fair to say that when you message someone you may have to negotiate your way through a fair amount of baggage, whether it be past meets that went wrong, general disappointment that swinging isn't what they thought it would be, impatience with certain modes of behaviour that seem prevalent on Fab, etc. The challenge for people who've been on this site a while is not to become completely jaded. The challenge for new members is to not approach other members as free prostitutes and so contribute to the jadedness |
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?"
Read and delete without replying? They're not interested.
Read and delete during a long message exchange? They're a fantasist, doing their level best to hide every scrap of evidence, just in case anyone else manages to access their account.
As ever, this isn't universally true. But if someone I'm in a dialogue with tends to delete every message as soon as they've read it, I take it as a strong indicator that it's going nowhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"300 messages x say 3 mins to write back"
Let's finish the maths for the benefit of those who continue to object...
300x3 = 900
Minutes in a day = 60x24 = 1440
Say, eight hours sleep per day = 60x8 = 480
1440-480 = 960
So, that's 960 waking minutes in a day, and 900 minutes needed to write a detailed reply to each message received...
That leaves ONE HOUR in which to do everything that their 'offline' life requires of them (unless, of course, they go without sleep.) |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
300 messages x say 3 mins to write back.. thats 900 mins . do you have that kind of time in your life..oh and by 600 mins theres another 200 messages from the people you did and didnt reply too...arggghhhhhhhhhhh. thats why i have my filters ALL on its nothing personal, i just cant cope with it x"
-- I guess it could be argued, that there's time to create messages in the first place?
-- Filters are useful 
-- I'm sure there are many who don't get 300+ messages, and actually one or two, even 'no thanks' ones, might be nice.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can't be arsed to answer all messages, most of the time they're from folk who've not read the profile. If they can't be arsed to read that, why should I be arsed to reply? |
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By *adgodCouple
over a year ago
Greensburg |
Most of the people who demand a no thanks tend to follow it up with a why not. It seems like to many that saying no thanks is an opening, no matter how narrow, to conversation. We have stopped wasting our time. A no response is a no thank you from us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it's fair to say that when you message someone you may have to negotiate your way through a fair amount of baggage, whether it be past meets that went wrong, general disappointment that swinging isn't what they thought it would be, impatience with certain modes of behaviour that seem prevalent on Fab, etc. The challenge for people who've been on this site a while is not to become completely jaded. The challenge for new members is to not approach other members as free prostitutes and so contribute to the jadedness "
Fantastic response. Should be stick response to all these threads. |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?"
I've recently had a multiple day conversation with a man that wouldn't accept me saying he's not my type, it descended into him making personal comments about my looks, that's why I will very rarely now make the effort to reply to people I'm not interested in, I'm not here to be insulted.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
I've recently had a multiple day conversation with a man that wouldn't accept me saying he's not my type, it descended into him making personal comments about my looks, that's why I will very rarely now make the effort to reply to people I'm not interested in, I'm not here to be insulted.
"
You could have saved yourself that conversation by blocking him after saying no the first time.
I don't get why people enter into fruitless conversations. Say no, block, no snotty or angry comebacks. Simples.  |
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By *eeleyWoman
over a year ago
Dudley |
"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
I've recently had a multiple day conversation with a man that wouldn't accept me saying he's not my type, it descended into him making personal comments about my looks, that's why I will very rarely now make the effort to reply to people I'm not interested in, I'm not here to be insulted.
You could have saved yourself that conversation by blocking him after saying no the first time.
I don't get why people enter into fruitless conversations. Say no, block, no snotty or angry comebacks. Simples. "
To be honest, I'd prefer not blocking people if I can help it, he finally accepted my answer I think lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree a lot of people are damn rude
A polite
No thank you would do just fine.no reply is no interest, states it clearly in FAQ section, I think everyone should be made to read it on joining"
People struggle reading profiles, not much chance of people reading FAQ's  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is hard to message on here but it's the same on the dating sites.
The small talk messages often ignored because most girls on here get at times hundreds of messages a day.
Often it is as short as "hi,hello or hey" or even "hi how are you" which becomes boring as everyone asks the exactly same thing.
My advice is to:
Try and write something creative different to the norm.
And make it unique to the girl, couple or whoever your messaging.
Copy and paste messaging that others do is just pointless and an absolute waste of time for yourself and whom your messaging.
I prefer to browse profiles, fab the odd photo I like.
And decide who to message first.
I'm not as creative as some but it's best to be as creative as you can be.
And maybe that way you might get a reply.
Or if you want to meet others regularly there are plenty of clubs and parties to attend.
A couple told me they preferred to do this as they meet the girl, guy or the other couple in person. |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
300 messages x say 3 mins to write back.. thats 900 mins . do you have that kind of time in your life..oh and by 600 mins theres another 200 messages from the people you did and didnt reply too...arggghhhhhhhhhhh. thats why i have my filters ALL on its nothing personal, i just cant cope with it x
-- I guess it could be argued, that there's time to create messages in the first place?
-- Filters are useful
-- I'm sure there are many who don't get 300+ messages, and actually one or two, even 'no thanks' ones, might be nice.
"
i was just talking the reality of the situation. i came on here over 2 1/2 years ago..i was totally overwhelmed in fact for two weeks i hardly did anything but answer messages as you would like them answered, then i realized i couldn't continue like that and i dislike not replying, so i put all my filters on, out of necessity..i've had them down four times since i've been on here, for no more than 24 hours each, because it doesn't stop or slow down xx |
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I am very friendly person when people see me face to face in clubs/parties
It doesn't mean I'm unfriendly here to read and delete,messages to meet right now,meet private,hi,do you meet whitemen,here's my kik etc let's send eachother pics and vids,how are you etc etc etc
These are guys who saw I'm a woman and messaged,they didn't read my profile so didn't really want to meet me,they just after any woman that will answer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Turn the table.....you've asked a question of why people don't reply to messages, how about you reply to everyone on here as we've all put the effort in to comment nicely as to why we don't reply.
BTW I don't reply to certain messages because I know they've not read my profile and the ones that have I reply thanks but you're not my type
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"How did the 'read and
As ever, this isn't universally true. But if someone I'm in a dialogue with tends to delete every message as soon as they've read it, I take it as a strong indicator that it's going nowhere."
I delete quite a lot to keep my and the wife's account clear and up to date as when you reply to the same message you get full string underneath. We make use of the more feature to keep lol usernames etc so that enables us to keep a tidy account rather tban one your endlessly scrolling down
So I would say some who delete messages are efficent, orderly, and more likely to give you an honest answer |
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By *orum TrollWoman
over a year ago
•+• Access Denied •+• |
"Turn the table.....you've asked a question of why people don't reply to messages, how about you reply to everyone on here as we've all put the effort in to comment nicely as to why we don't reply.
BTW I don't reply to certain messages because I know they've not read my profile and the ones that have I reply thanks but you're not my type
"
yes, i didn't get a reply to my comment. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"definitely the majority have ruined it and not the few.
just the fact that you've titled this friendliness, when nobody is interested in much more than a fuck, is strange.
"
Patently different people are interested in different things. -- there may be those who are only interested in a fuck, but there are plenty looking for other aspects of interaction as well |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How did the 'read and
As ever, this isn't universally true. But if someone I'm in a dialogue with tends to delete every message as soon as they've read it, I take it as a strong indicator that it's going nowhere.
I delete quite a lot to keep my and the wife's account clear and up to date as when you reply to the same message you get full string underneath. We make use of the more feature to keep lol usernames etc so that enables us to keep a tidy account rather tban one your endlessly scrolling down
So I would say some who delete messages are efficent, orderly, and more likely to give you an honest answer"
If by honest answer one has to make an assumption that the answer is 'no thanks' - then I agree. Still, 'thanks but no thanks' is honest and still polite. |
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I the female sometimes send a message just to say the female looks hot and am suprised that about 50% either delete straight away and have had some txt back calling me an old ugly fake yet some say thanks and that nice only trying to be friendly and complement someone who looks good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get where you are coming from as I do take the time to try and write a decent message and comment on things on the profile (if there is enough substance there to talk about) and if they were to reply to give them something to reply to so I get where you are coming from, but at the same time I know a lot of woman and couples on here get bombarded with messages and it's easier to just Delete to say "No" than reply. - Used to be on here as part of a couple myself and we got quite a few messages of "Hi" "wana fuk" Hell I still get them today off guys because I am Bisexual even tho I am not actively looking for them. |
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I know but some take it as a compliment ive had some rely a week later just to say thanks and that makes it really nice they bothered to reply to a compliment and then thats the end only being polite and it is fun after all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I the female sometimes send a message just to say the female looks hot and am suprised that about 50% either delete straight away and have had some txt back calling me an old ugly fake yet some say thanks and that nice only trying to be friendly and complement someone who looks good"
Surely fabbing the picture is the way to compliment someone? I'm sure your intention is to be friendly and complimentary, but it sounds like many women hate getting mail saying "nice pics" as much as I do - we get so much mail already, that another "you're hot" or "Nice pics" message is overkill - that's what the fab a picture button is for. |
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No idea about others, but we have no inclination to say no thanks to those that are not of interest to us.
We acknowledge that works both ways. As many haven't responded to us down the years.
We only care for responses that are interested anyway.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
Done and dusted!
We all have various reasons for deleting messages, ours include those wordy first messages of "hi," the wordier ones of "I'm in a nearby hotel for the night, fancy playing," and cock shots either included or as a profile pic.
To each his/her own, and deleting often saves time and energy on all sides.
While we don't get massive quantities of messages, life is too short to respond to those who obviously haven't read the profile.
"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How did the 'read and delete' become the norm?
I guess few want to get into the 'why not' conversations, heck, one should always infer one is not that particular potential meets 'cup of tea', but it's a striking and refreshing change to get a 'thanks, but no thanks' - what ever happened to politeness and friendliness?
Perhaps a few have spoiled things for the many in this regard?
300 messages x say 3 mins to write back.. thats 900 mins . do you have that kind of time in your life..oh and by 600 mins theres another 200 messages from the people you did and didnt reply too...arggghhhhhhhhhhh. thats why i have my filters ALL on its nothing personal, i just cant cope with it x"
This...!
It really is nothing personal, it’s mostly just down to time management and the fact that when I do send polite declines and wishing well, they’d usually take that as an encouragement somehow, because I replied at all and thus send more messages! 
So yeah, just imagine that when the person deletes an email, they also say “Thanks but no thanks” with it and you move on to the next (: |
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I hid my profile for 6 days this week as I was abroad. Yesterday I displayed it again and in the first 9 hours (apart from 3 people I know messaging me) I got 36 messages of utter rubbish. Do people seriously expect someone to spend let’s say conservatively one hour every 9 hours just to reply no thanks to people who clearly haven’t bothered to read the profile?
A thanks but no thanks may be polite but you know what’s even more polite? Reading the profile in the first place, see the persons not looking for what you offer and don’t bother messaging. Saves both time and someone feeling aggrieved they’ve been ignored
I’m seriously filtered to the hilt after last night I’m so fed up of it all being a drain on time. Not even one of the 36 was anything like what I’m looking for. Grump over  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of us dont live on here and see every thread if it bothers you dont join in"
Ooooo didn’t realise I had to ask permission to post a comment. I’ll check next time ........... |
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"I agree a lot of people are damn rude
A polite
No thank you would do just fine.no reply is no interest, states it clearly in FAQ section, I think everyone should be made to read it on joining"
I (Mr) actually think that people should answer a series of questions before being allowed to be here. It would require the user to read the question and hopefully garner the basics of this place and the etiquette of certain situations. It might even help people with what to do with their profile and images to get a better fab experience on the whole for them and the other site users too. |
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We will always reply to messages but as we have filtered single blokes out we don't get loads of messages.
If we were getting tens or hundreds of messages a day (like many single lasses do), we would probably start deleting all but the ones that really stand out.
Cal |
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OP, there are 46 posts on this thread. You've only replied to three.
Bearing in mind they are direct replies to you and your question, not ad hoc messages, how does that tally with the point you are making? |
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