FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Newbie question

Newbie question

By *urvyLu34 OP Woman over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

So, I've arranged a meet with a guy in a couple of nights' time. He messages me again the day before to check we're still on, all is looking good - he says he can't wait to get his hands on me. Then, the night before we're due to meet a new veri appears on his profile showing he met & shagged someone that evening. I feel a bit shitty about it.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's the nature of the beast, if you're on a swinging site and not expecting exclusivity then you can't be too disheartened by the fact he's met someone before you.

As an aside, there's no guarantee that he'd met her that exact night. Some people forget to leave veri's for days/weeks (not guilty honest guv'ner)

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman over a year ago

Richmond

"Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx"

I completely hear where you're coming from, though I suspect you'll hear from a lot of people (like I do) that this isn't a dating site!

I tried messaging you but can't, please contact me if you like?

I am guessing you know how it works here, and are not expecting exclusivity, but that in no way covers the feelings you've mentioned in knowing that someone you're planning to meet has just met someone else.

You're not being a princess, you are simply saying what you want, and there's nothing wrong with wanting whatever you want.

Whether you go ahead with your meet or not, you'll eventually find exactly what you're looking for here, keep at it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx"

The day before he was due to meet you?

I don't see the problem to be honest

He hasn't cheated on you and he's not obligated to be exclusive to you

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By *ieman300Man over a year ago

Best Greggs in Cheshire East

It's a tough one. Many on hete do ask for exclusivness at least until an arranged meet as happened. Others don't care one jot. Figure out which one you are and go from there. If you decide you want someone to want someone to abstain from meeting others in between arranging till the meet then tell them that. Don't assume it. Good luck.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think it's a bit sleazy if he had arranged to meet you on said day and slept with someone the night before, if it as me I would cancel, yes it's a sex site I get that but why does that mean all respect goes out of the window? You do generally feel shit the first few times but then you learn to detach those feelings from the sex which is what you are used to, stick at it babe, you'll get there x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Look in the bright side ?

Chances are at least he'll turn up ?

If your lucky he's had a shower and got all clean and smells nice ?

And if he's already had sex recently might stay longer ?

Think if you check his veris ? You'll see if he's in demand or not and if he is think you've got to expect that he'll be active and who knows might not even put all veris up ??

It's swinging I'm afraid

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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman over a year ago

'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks

Yes I'm afraid you are being a princess...but please dont take it to heart...you need a thick skin here so toughen up or you will find it difficult.

As others have said you are not mutually exclusive.

He may well have had that meet arranged for a while and been chatting to her for a long time, perhaps longer than he's been chatting to you. Sometimes it can be like busses here, you can wait forever then two come at once x

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By *UNKIEMan over a year ago

south east

It depends on what your expectations were before you joined as you say you are very new to the scene and if you stick with it you will find other things will get you like that too ...take your time to find your feet and decide whats best for you (what you can accept and what you cant )

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By *urvyLu34 OP Woman over a year ago

Haywards Heath

Thanks for the feedback guys

It's as I thought it would be, people vary quite a bit in what they think about this issue. It's nice to know I'm not the only one who sees it as a respect thing. I'm not naïve about this stuff, but I'm getting used to what's usual for a site like this & what isn't. All the advice is appreciated, and I know I can take things too personally sometimes. It's all a learning experience & part of sexual exploration!! xx

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

If that situation makes you feel devalued swinging will be bad for your self esteem. That might sound harsh but you need to realise that outside of your plans to meet you have no say over what a potential partner does. How long before they meet you is acceptabl for a guy to have met someone?

I suggest you re evaluate what you expect from using this site for casual sex partners and at the very least make it clear that you don't want them to meet anyone else in the lead up to meeting you. However you need to be aware that some men will tell you exactly what you want to hear in order to get to meet you then just ask anyone they do meet not to verify them.

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By *hoenixAdAstraWoman over a year ago

Hiding in the shadows

Hiya & welcome to Fabs.

We were all new here once, and it's perfectly understandable to feel a bit put out, especially at first.

Just enjoy yourself, don't feel obliged to meet anyone if you don't feel it's right, and have fun xx

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By *orkie321bWoman over a year ago

Nottingham

Hi and welcome

Swinging isn't for everyone and I do wonder if it may not be for you OP.

If it has upset you that a guy has met someone else a day or two before your scheduled meet then no strings sex might not be for you. It does sound a little like you were viewing your meet as a date.

I wouldn't tolerate anyone dictating to me who I can meet or how soon before/after a scheduled meet I can see someone else. It is unfair for anyone to do this. Nobody on here has any obligations to anyone else.

There are people on here who are looking for more than just no strings sex. If you want this too then you can find them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx"

sorry, what exactly is the issue

this is a site for meeting people who wish to socialise, swing, have sex.

he promised you nothing,and he had some fun, its NSA

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah this is a swinging site and some people have multiple partners. His attitude is clearly different from yours and there is really no right or wrong.

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By *ransGuyTV/TS over a year ago

Cardiff

I've arranged and met different guys one night after the other, heck I've met 2 different guys on one day before. Should I not have done, gone without and been frustrated instead? How long needs to be left between meets?

That's not said to be arsey, they aren't questions for you to answer, it's to help make you think - we mainly all come on here after one thing BUT how we want it, when we want it and how often can vary greatly. If you are going to struggle with men who have higher sex drives than yours and knowing about it by seeing it through their verifications, this might not be the site for you. There's no reason why they should miss out just for you (that could have been the only time they could meet, it could have been arranged for ages, how would you have felt if you were the women he cancelled on and then saw the other woman's verification?).

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By *ilk_TreMan over a year ago

Wherever the party is!

"Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx"

My last verification was four months ago. I've had LOADS of sex since then. This site is not the be all and end all. It's great for getting some basic info about someone but at the end of the day you have to actually talk to people. Like we did in the good old days!

Have fun whatever you do. x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What’s the problem with this don’t get it at all? Someone on a swinger site has sex with more than 1 person what am I missing?

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple over a year ago

luton

"Hi all

This is a tricky one because I'm completely new to all this. Prior to joining Fab I only had sex in relationships.

Yes, I know this is a swingers site & I respect that, but I believe in making sexual partners feel special, not that they could be just any guy with a working dick.

Am I being a total princess about this or am I right to feel a bit de-valued?

Thanks xxx"

Your on a swingers site

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By *ighland gentlemanMan over a year ago

Tain

Some folk are on here looking for a FB, others looking for a few folk to meet up with regularly and then it goes all the way to those who only want to meet folk the once as that's what they find exciting.

Basically there is no right or wrong,just different approaches and attitudes.

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By *igblackdomTV/TS over a year ago

West Midlands

"I think it's a bit sleazy if he had arranged to meet you on said day and slept with someone the night before, if it as me I would cancel, yes it's a sex site I get that but why does that mean all respect goes out of the window? You do generally feel shit the first few times but then you learn to detach those feelings from the sex which is what you are used to, stick at it babe, you'll get there x"

I'm afraid I have to disagree, if gratuitous sex is sleazy then we're all sleazy!

We have no rights or obligations to other members, aside from basic honesty and respect and personally I wouldn't consider someone having a meet the day before me as being disrespectful unless it had been discussed and agreed beforehand.

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By *igblackdomTV/TS over a year ago

West Midlands

"What’s the problem with this don’t get it at all? Someone on a swinger site has sex with more than 1 person what am I missing?"

The 'until death do us part' bit!

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By *igblackdomTV/TS over a year ago

West Midlands

"Hi and welcome

Swinging isn't for everyone and I do wonder if it may not be for you OP.

If it has upset you that a guy has met someone else a day or two before your scheduled meet then no strings sex might not be for you. It does sound a little like you were viewing your meet as a date.

There are people on here who are looking for more than just no strings sex. If you want this too then you can find them."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The best way to avoid feeling bad is to manage your expectations. Personally I avoid checking profile close to meet time. It's not that I want someone exclusively, I just feel better and it's more liberating to just deal with what's on offer on the day.

Not all meets result in sex, no spark, or any reason. Once I message someone privately thru kik, what's app etc, I don't need to look at the profile. Thus the meet is better.

Everyone has different wants here. Some people agree this prior.

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By *oredShitlessxxxCouple over a year ago

luton

Damn... why do women always add emotions to a situation

Oooops... hope Mrs A dont see my comment, lets just keep it between us guys

lol

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By *roticGoddessXXWoman over a year ago

Richmond

"Some folk are on here looking for a FB, others looking for a few folk to meet up with regularly and then it goes all the way to those who only want to meet folk the once as that's what they find exciting.

Basically there is no right or wrong,just different approaches and attitudes. "

I completely agree. Decide what you want, be open and honest about it, and stick with what you want. It may not be for everyone, but it's yours.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As others have said that veri may have been wrote the day before but could have been time between the meet and the veri being left.

I've had the same thing happen had a meet with a lady I'd been speaking to for ages. After she left a veri another lady went ballistic at me for shagging someone else

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

As this is your first experience I can understand how you feel. The build up and anticipation and you now feel a little deflated or even maybe not quite so special as he made you feel.

This place can be quite harsh, especially for newbies which is why many go unlos. I do think some of the posts on this thread have also been a little harsh, especially as you are new to the site and the lifestyle.

I also think the 'popular' guys are always going to be sought after. What you saw in him, so have others.

It's not his fault, he doesn't need to tell you about his activities and I guess you didn't worry about any previous verifications?

People are on here for many different reasons, perhaps you should look at your reasons, again? Hopefully you will stay and just treat it as a learning curve.

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