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unfortunate incident
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find this hard to talk about, but I'd like to think that I'm not the only one this has happened to.
(This is the female here, just to be clear)
I met a guy a few days ago, been chatting on and off for a while but he's not someone I know particularly well. But I was lonely and horny, so we met for sex. Somehow during sex, the condom came off and the guy... well, it disgusts me too much to say it, but it was too late.
And now I am totally freaked out. I've been told that I need to get tested in a couple of weeks, but HIV probably won't show up for at least 90 days. So now I'm totally obsessing over it. I feel dirty because it happened. This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now. |
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This has happened to the both of us on separate meets (not at the same time).
Just be honest with your OH. And practice safe sex with each other until the results come back.
We were lucky that we came back clean. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted  "
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has happened to the both of us on separate meets (not at the same time).
Just be honest with your OH. And practice safe sex with each other until the results come back.
We were lucky that we came back clean."
 |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking"
Thank you. Sadly I have a severe anxiety disorder so I tend to really obsess about stuff like this. But I'm trying to be rational - I guess it does happen to a lot of people, and most of them are perfectly fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel."
Why are you even on here if you have such issues? Surely you're going to worry everytime you have a meet. Why put yourself through it? |
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You seem to be doing the right things. Hang on to the fact that risk of infection is small so in all likelihood you won't have picked something up from a single instance.
But you're right to get checked and take precautions.
Do bear in mind that there is a disgusting practice called "stealthing" which is guys removing the condom deliberately during sex without the knowledge of the woman.
I'm not saying this is what happened but it is something to be on the guard against and if it is done without your consent... well...
Just bear in mind that you haven't done anything wrong and will in all likelihood be able to look back upon this as an escape.
I wish you well. |
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"I find this hard to talk about, but I'd like to think that I'm not the only one this has happened to.
(This is the female here, just to be clear)
I met a guy a few days ago, been chatting on and off for a while but he's not someone I know particularly well. But I was lonely and horny, so we met for sex. Somehow during sex, the condom came off and the guy... well, it disgusts me too much to say it, but it was too late.
And now I am totally freaked out. I've been told that I need to get tested in a couple of weeks, but HIV probably won't show up for at least 90 days. So now I'm totally obsessing over it. I feel dirty because it happened. This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now."
This happened to me once and i totally freaked out. I basically called the other person and begged them to tell me honestly if they had anything. I kind of wish I'd kept my cool because i know i basically insulted them in the process and we never met again despite it being a mind blowing experience. The wait for the GUM clinic results was excruciating but thankfully all clear. I never fuck anyone now without asking about their sexual health first. |
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It's never happened to me on a meet but when Mr N and I needed contraception it happened to us a couple of times. I used to get the morning after pill (not sure if that's a consideration for you).
It was an accident, it happens now and again. |
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Visit a clinic for up to date advice on testing - most things and tests show sooner. Speak with your partner too. I'd also encourage you to recall the event to ensure it was an accident, as well as you can, as some people will facilitate errors.
But importantly, look after your own wellbeing, so that you feel better. And plan future encounters with wisdom. |
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Not sure I really like the "victim shaming" tone in some of the replies.
OP feels the way she does - just because she does.
She came on here in all likelihood to find advice and reassurance. I think that's what OP needs right now rather than criticism. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you, everybody who has responded. It's comforting to know that it's not just me.
The biggest issue I have is that I honestly don't know what happened. I like to think that people have good intentions and that it was just a very unfortunate accident and that he was being honest with me about his previous sexual history. If that is the case, then my risk is probably little to none.
However, looking back there are a few things that seem... odd, and make me wonder if it truly was an accident or if it was removed intentionally. Because if it was, then the guy isn't trustworthy and nothing he says means anything.
I just have no way of knowing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All i can add to this really is if your not sure you can trust the guy then dont meet him again. And these things happen, just get tested and take it from there. Im sure nothing serious will come of this. Express your concerns to your partner and im sure he will be reassuring and supportive. Hope everything works out ok for you. |
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"Thank you, everybody who has responded. It's comforting to know that it's not just me.
The biggest issue I have is that I honestly don't know what happened. I like to think that people have good intentions and that it was just a very unfortunate accident and that he was being honest with me about his previous sexual history. If that is the case, then my risk is probably little to none.
However, looking back there are a few things that seem... odd, and make me wonder if it truly was an accident or if it was removed intentionally. Because if it was, then the guy isn't trustworthy and nothing he says means anything.
I just have no way of knowing."
Did the condom come off or split?
You don't have any way of knowing so there's no point in going over it. You can do useful things to allay your fears that have ready been suggested.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Did the condom come off or split?
You don't have any way of knowing so there's no point in going over it. You can do useful things to allay your fears that have ready been suggested.
"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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stealthing it happens to me and the guy had the nerve to say 4 day later that I gave him something long story short turns out he got it from he's girl friend and I jus took it in my stride but was a bit pissed that he blamed me when it was he's forght and decision and could of infected me lucky I was clear but now I'm not swing single guys and unpacking on a couple profile and will be both tested b4 we go bb together |
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing. "
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly. |
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"
Did the condom come off or split?
You don't have any way of knowing so there's no point in going over it. You can do useful things to allay your fears that have ready been suggested.
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing. "
Sometimes you have to wonder if he really didn't notice considering the rise in stealthing.
OP sorry to hear what you went through. There are two things, one is practical about getting tested and safe sex until your results are back that others have covered. The other is your reaction to this based on last experiences. Have you tried something like counselling, hypnotherapy or EMDR? It sounds like a phobia or trauma based so that would help you as this is more than the practical issue at hand for you. |
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"
Did the condom come off or split?
You don't have any way of knowing so there's no point in going over it. You can do useful things to allay your fears that have ready been suggested.
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing. "
It's happened to me (condom coming off). What I'd say is that you can tell when it happens. In the heat of the moment, you don't necessarily care. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bless you. Try not to worry. I have had this happen. I too hate it. As I get pregnant very easily an panic about stds
I too have had to wait for the hiv test. Just to be sure. The nurses are great. An you can go back an explain to them, it’s all confidential. I’ve told them all sorts on occasions haha had a right laugh. Watch out for certain types of lube as they break condoms. One I use a lot , they recently changed ingredients an now it breaks condoms  |
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I have been stealthed while in doggy, that's the easiest position for them to do it without you noticing. Luckily I heard the snap as he took the condom off. Cheeky cunt.
As advised, try to keep calm as much as you can. I know it's easier said than done, believe me I really do. Gum clinic as soon as you can, and make sure you stick to the 3 month rule. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find this hard to talk about, but I'd like to think that I'm not the only one this has happened to.
(This is the female here, just to be clear)
I met a guy a few days ago, been chatting on and off for a while but he's not someone I know particularly well. But I was lonely and horny, so we met for sex. Somehow during sex, the condom came off and the guy... well, it disgusts me too much to say it, but it was too late.
And now I am totally freaked out. I've been told that I need to get tested in a couple of weeks, but HIV probably won't show up for at least 90 days. So now I'm totally obsessing over it. I feel dirty because it happened. This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now."
OP I had a guy I knew well. Had just received my results that day as I like to get tested as a precaution we were engaging in a threesome and while I was busy he took off the condom and went in bare. I realised it didn't feel right and pushed him off. I went mad but made him get tested was all clear but stressed for a week till I knew so dnt worry although you will. Just get tested you will be fine. Good luck |
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"Not sure I really like the "victim shaming" tone in some of the replies.
OP feels the way she does - just because she does.
She came on here in all likelihood to find advice and reassurance. I think that's what OP needs right now rather than criticism."
Not victim shaming, there's no victim if it genuinely did just come off. Just no point in panicking. I had a guy "lose" the condom once. I ended up going to a walk in clinic after a couple of days panicking that it was stuck inside me. Pretty sure the bastard just removed it and lied afterwards cos there was nothing there. |
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Ignore all previous advice.
If you have a severe anxiety disorder you will not be able to relax until the situation is resolved.
Go to A+E
Explain what has happened. Your post was 2 hours ago so you may still be within the window for post exposure prophylaxis.
This is assuming that you consider the man to have been a 'high-risk' individual.
But, as other posters have already said, the chances of contracting HIV from a one off interaction with a stranger whose status is unknown is essentially zero.
This is not medical advice. Do not treat it as such. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its happened to me but it broke didn't come off but im shore u will be ok and just relise that it was a accident and all will be good and well and hope it was good . And u are worried about nothing x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happened to me twice with the same guy. Both times I had to fish the condom out from inside me. I don't know why it kept slipping off with him and nobody else. I wasn't worried as I knew he took his sexual health seriously and he's a good friend.
Mrs |
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I went to a swingers club one Friday and had sex with a few people who all used condoms. Two days later when i went for a pee a condom came out from inside me. Now that did freak me out. Now i always double check the condom is still on the guy after sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have you contacted the person who you met and asked his background as he might have an up to date check worth asking and totally agree with other advise speak to OH and make sure you use protection till you know but stressing wont help xxxx anything else just message xxxx |
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By *aterjetWoman
over a year ago
South West |
I understand your anxiety. I had an incident that caused me to freak out.
I phoned the GUM clinic and they got a nurse to call me back. She spent ages on the phone giving me the true facts.
She really did calm me down and helped me make the relevant choices to me.
If you need to chat further PM me. xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not sure I really like the "victim shaming" tone in some of the replies.
OP feels the way she does - just because she does.
She came on here in all likelihood to find advice and reassurance. I think that's what OP needs right now rather than criticism."
Exactly this. The poor woman is worried and rightly so, you would have thought she would receive some sympathy! |
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You’ve brought up several issues here.
- waiting for test results
- uncertainty of whether the guy did this on purpose
- your extreme dislike of body fluids
- anxiety
From what you write, I would think if you are a couple then most of these problems can be avoided in the future by you not meeting alone.
What has happened could have been avoided if you had someone watching your back, so to speak. If your anxiety levels are so high and you are finding it so hard to work through this, I wouldn’t think it’s worth risking in the future.
This stealthing seems to be raising its ugly head more and more, but that aside condoms can just break. The latter happened to me, and while it was a very drawn out unpleasant experience, I got through it okay. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You're having sex ~ condoms can split, come off & be pulled off.
Sex with random strangers means the above can have different connotations depending on how well you know that person.
I'd suggest re your anxiety that you don't meet alone for the time being. If you meet with your partner you have a built in wingman to look out for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Have you contacted the person who you met and asked his background as he might have an up to date check worth asking and totally agree with other advise speak to OH and make sure you use protection till you know but stressing wont help xxxx anything else just message xxxx"
I was going to ask this too. If he’s recently tested and clear it may help put your mind at rest a little. Best wishes. |
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing.
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly."
Not necessarily.
Embarrassing as it is for me to say, and it's very embarrassing.
I am not that well endowed, even when I am really hard during sex regular size condoms become very loose,avoid certain positions,for example her on top.
Doggy style is a double edged sword.
While it's easier for a guy to remove a condom it's also easier for guy's to keep an eye on it and pull it back down should it slip.
One of our concerns are club's where it's dark and difficult to see and make sure that the condom is still in place.
OP
I understand you obsessing over it,I'm the same a chronic overthinker and panic over everything.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do now regards the incident it's happened that's that.
However your doing all the correct thing's getting checked asking the guy no matter how much he may have been offended it's necessary.
Try to relax a little, you are doing what you can .
Unfortunately it happens condoms come off.
But try to learn from it, think about positions you used, lube, and even make of condom and sizing.
We carry a selection of sizes and always have plenty of lube that helps prevent friction causing slippage.
Good luck op and I am sure all will be fine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I understand your anxiety. I had an incident that caused me to freak out.
I phoned the GUM clinic and they got a nurse to call me back. She spent ages on the phone giving me the true facts.
She really did calm me down and helped me make the relevant choices to me.
If you need to chat further PM me. xxx"
I would think this is the best advice op. Talk to a professional, someone who has dealt with this many times, I would imagine.
From the perspective of whether it was deliberately removed, I would hope not.
I have had a condom split and I have also had one that came off. I must admit I didn't notice the one that came off until I pulled out. There was a bit of panic, as we couldn't find it. It took her at least 30 minutes before she was able to fish it out. I must admit it took me a little while to completely trust them, condoms, after that incident, having to keep glancing down to make sure that it was still in place for a few months after.
The one that split, I did notice. I could feel it wasn't quite right, so stopped, looked and pulled out altogether.
Both incidents were from quite 'vigerous' sessions. We were both fine, but it is best to get tested as soon as you can. Try to put it from your mind, although that doesn't sound possible. Yes, there is a risk, but then we take one every time we cross the road too. |
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing.
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly.
Not necessarily.
Embarrassing as it is for me to say, and it's very embarrassing.
I am not that well endowed, even when I am really hard during sex regular size condoms become very loose,avoid certain positions,for example her on top.
Doggy style is a double edged sword.
While it's easier for a guy to remove a condom it's also easier for guy's to keep an eye on it and pull it back down should it slip.
One of our concerns are club's where it's dark and difficult to see and make sure that the condom is still in place.
OP
I understand you obsessing over it,I'm the same a chronic overthinker and panic over everything.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do now regards the incident it's happened that's that.
However your doing all the correct thing's getting checked asking the guy no matter how much he may have been offended it's necessary.
Try to relax a little, you are doing what you can .
Unfortunately it happens condoms come off.
But try to learn from it, think about positions you used, lube, and even make of condom and sizing.
We carry a selection of sizes and always have plenty of lube that helps prevent friction causing slippage.
Good luck op and I am sure all will be fine."
What a great post. You shouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
Question though. Would you know if the condom came off? I mean would you feel it? |
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I can appreciate the anxiety, it's not a pleasant experience to be in that waiting zone.
But there is nothing to say this was a stealthing incident. Condoms do slip, I have had this with the wife in the past and there is no way I intended to stealth her.
If you are within a certain window then anti retrovirals are around, I don't know the process or the criteria for getting them, but you would imagine people with regular sexual contact with a variety of partners would be higher on that list.
The odds of HIV are low, so don't let that be your solo focus an early test will help inform you of the more likely stds.
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing.
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly.
Not necessarily.
Embarrassing as it is for me to say, and it's very embarrassing.
I am not that well endowed, even when I am really hard during sex regular size condoms become very loose,avoid certain positions,for example her on top.
Doggy style is a double edged sword.
While it's easier for a guy to remove a condom it's also easier for guy's to keep an eye on it and pull it back down should it slip.
One of our concerns are club's where it's dark and difficult to see and make sure that the condom is still in place.
OP
I understand you obsessing over it,I'm the same a chronic overthinker and panic over everything.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do now regards the incident it's happened that's that.
However your doing all the correct thing's getting checked asking the guy no matter how much he may have been offended it's necessary.
Try to relax a little, you are doing what you can .
Unfortunately it happens condoms come off.
But try to learn from it, think about positions you used, lube, and even make of condom and sizing.
We carry a selection of sizes and always have plenty of lube that helps prevent friction causing slippage.
Good luck op and I am sure all will be fine.
What a great post. You shouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
Question though. Would you know if the condom came off? I mean would you feel it?"
Not really, usually it just comes off.
Luckily all of these have happened with my wife (jools) and it's when we didn't want an unplanned pregnancy.
Which is why I got a vasectomy.
I haven't been fortunate enough to have sex with another female whilst swinging yet.
Jools always uses protection and regularly checks during sex to make sure that the guy's condom is still in place.
When we have meets we always ensure that we have a good stock so if the condom the guy's using becomes slack he can put another one on.
Also we stipulate from the start that the guy is not to ejaculate whilst inside her .
But that's partly because jools love's guy's coming over her tits and face.
And partly due to the whole leaking issue. |
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing.
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly.
Not necessarily.
Embarrassing as it is for me to say, and it's very embarrassing.
I am not that well endowed, even when I am really hard during sex regular size condoms become very loose,avoid certain positions,for example her on top.
Doggy style is a double edged sword.
While it's easier for a guy to remove a condom it's also easier for guy's to keep an eye on it and pull it back down should it slip.
One of our concerns are club's where it's dark and difficult to see and make sure that the condom is still in place.
OP
I understand you obsessing over it,I'm the same a chronic overthinker and panic over everything.
Unfortunately there is nothing you can do now regards the incident it's happened that's that.
However your doing all the correct thing's getting checked asking the guy no matter how much he may have been offended it's necessary.
Try to relax a little, you are doing what you can .
Unfortunately it happens condoms come off.
But try to learn from it, think about positions you used, lube, and even make of condom and sizing.
We carry a selection of sizes and always have plenty of lube that helps prevent friction causing slippage.
Good luck op and I am sure all will be fine.
What a great post. You shouldn’t be embarrassed at all.
Question though. Would you know if the condom came off? I mean would you feel it?"
As a man, yes. It feels much better all of a sudden. There have been times where i felt like the condom might have come off, but it hadn't. But there's never been a time where it came off and i didn't have a clue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This happened to me on 23rd December two years ago.
I went a chirstmas event at a club when this guy asked if i wanted to go alone. he was on top of me couldnt move and pulled the condom of and came inside me, i didn't have birth control.
Because it was Chirstmas eve i had to pay £50 for morning after pill and i had too wait 3 months to get the all clear from gum clinic x
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"This happened to me on 23rd December two years ago.
I went a chirstmas event at a club when this guy asked if i wanted to go alone. he was on top of me couldnt move and pulled the condom of and came inside me, i didn't have birth control.
Because it was Chirstmas eve i had to pay £50 for morning after pill and i had too wait 3 months to get the all clear from gum clinic x
"
If he did it deliberately then it's illegal and you should report him to the police. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This happened to me on 23rd December two years ago.
I went a chirstmas event at a club when this guy asked if i wanted to go alone. he was on top of me couldnt move and pulled the condom of and came inside me, i didn't have birth control.
Because it was Chirstmas eve i had to pay £50 for morning after pill and i had too wait 3 months to get the all clear from gum clinic x
If he did it deliberately then it's illegal and you should report him to the police. "
I reported him to the club they warned him but he did to before and did again he is now banned from all north west clubs. |
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"This happened to me on 23rd December two years ago.
I went a chirstmas event at a club when this guy asked if i wanted to go alone. he was on top of me couldnt move and pulled the condom of and came inside me, i didn't have birth control.
Because it was Chirstmas eve i had to pay £50 for morning after pill and i had too wait 3 months to get the all clear from gum clinic x
If he did it deliberately then it's illegal and you should report him to the police.
I reported him to the club they warned him but he did to before and did again he is now banned from all north west clubs. "
It's an issue for the police, not the club. I believe that is sexual assault. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This happened to me on 23rd December two years ago.
I went a chirstmas event at a club when this guy asked if i wanted to go alone. he was on top of me couldnt move and pulled the condom of and came inside me, i didn't have birth control.
Because it was Chirstmas eve i had to pay £50 for morning after pill and i had too wait 3 months to get the all clear from gum clinic x
If he did it deliberately then it's illegal and you should report him to the police.
I reported him to the club they warned him but he did to before and did again he is now banned from all north west clubs.
It's an issue for the police, not the club. I believe that is sexual assault. "
I think the club did report him after time afterwards x |
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" This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now."
Five days before you started this thread you wrote 'It's a hot fantasy, but too risky for us. I (female) once had a HIV scare, and I can't go through that again.' on the bareback creampie thread.
So, my advice would be to cope with it the way you did before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel.
Why are you even on here if you have such issues? Surely you're going to worry everytime you have a meet. Why put yourself through it?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now.
Five days before you started this thread you wrote 'It's a hot fantasy, but too risky for us. I (female) once had a HIV scare, and I can't go through that again.' on the bareback creampie thread.
So, my advice would be to cope with it the way you did before."
Wel then this is clearly an attention seeking post...a swinger? With an issue with body fluids? ...  |
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I've had this happen to me a couple of times but luckily I felt the condom slip off and I pulled out ASAP. A partner recently had this happen and neither she nor her lover noticed. So these things do happen.
I'm sorry to learn you have a huge problem with semen inside you. First off is there anything you can do to feel less anxious over this? I know it is not usually recommended but perhaps douche? Some people do have an aversion to bodily fluids and that's fine.
Secondly, while it is indeed wise to get tested...remember that incidents of STIs are relatively low especially HIV. You're highly unlikely to have contracted anything that cannot be treated and eventually cured. The fact that the guy volunteered to wear a condom probably suggests that he's usually pretty careful. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" This is completely new to me and I have no idea how to handle it.
This must have happened to other people, right? Any advice or support would really be appreciated right now.
Five days before you started this thread you wrote 'It's a hot fantasy, but too risky for us. I (female) once had a HIV scare, and I can't go through that again.' on the bareback creampie thread.
So, my advice would be to cope with it the way you did before."
My doctor gave me a test 5 years after I was exposed, and patiently explained to me that there was absolutely no way I could possibly be infected based on the results. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you to everybody who was supportive and helpful. This was a real post and a real situation and I have been very scared, but the responses (both here and privately) have made a difference.
Unfortunately I do seem to have acquired some kind of infection, though it is impossible to tell whether it is an STI or a bacterial infection caused by the presence of semen throwing off the PH balance in my vagina. Either way, I am on a course of antibiotics now. Hopefully that is the end of it.
My OH is upset that it happened but has been very supportive. He tends to be a lot more logical and rational, and has been telling me the same thing - that the risk of getting something serious from a single encounter is very low. I am not going to have sex with anyone else for three months until I know that everything is ok - after that, we will see. I was doing it more to please him, and now I am thinking that casual sex is really not for me. So in the future, we will probably stick to playing only as a couple, with people we know and trust.
Hopefully everything will be fine and I can put it down to an unfortunate learning experience. |
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"
My OH is upset that it happened but has been very supportive. He tends to be a lot more logical and rational, and has been telling me the same thing - that the risk of getting something serious from a single encounter is very low. I am not going to have sex with anyone else for three months until I know that everything is ok - after that, we will see.
I was doing it more to please him, and now I am thinking that casual sex is really not for me. So in the future, we will probably stick to playing only as a couple, with people we know and trust."
I do hope all is well, but seems a bit strong to say that you were doing it more to please him.
"I met a guy a few days ago, been chatting on and off for a while but he's not someone I know particularly well. But I was lonely and horny, so we met for sex." |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I do hope all is well, but seems a bit strong to say that you were doing it more to please him.
"I met a guy a few days ago, been chatting on and off for a while but he's not someone I know particularly well. But I was lonely and horny, so we met for sex." "
It's difficult for me to put things in words well, and it's not particularly relevant to the question anyway. But what I am trying to say is that it was my partner's idea to involve other people - I have always been monogamous, always been happy being monogamous. But I wanted to make my partner happy, and on some level I was curious myself, so we've had a handful of experiences. None of them have been great for me, but he has enjoyed them which is fine. But now this has happened, it just seems to reinforce the idea that this lifestyle isn't for me. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
So you made this thread 2 days ago. Met the guy a few days previous, have been to the Dr managed to find out you have a UTI or STI within 1 day and receive antibiotics?
STI's aren't usually able to be picked up for 10 days so if you did have one it's due to sex you had previous to this meet.
Good on your Dr for having open surgeries and I can only imagine the pain if it was a UTI to receive antibiotics on day from at best a pee sample?
And now it's all the hubbies idea.
Why does this thread raise so many questions? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I said I had symptoms. I am very prone to infections, and due to my symptoms my doctor decided to give me antibiotics as a preventative measure. She doesn't think it's an STI but an infection.
And if you don't believe me, I honestly don't give a fuck. I posted because I was scared and needed reassurance, many people were kind enough to give me that reassurance. I am still anxious but feeling better about the whole thing and that's all I was looking for. |
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel."
Do you really think this is the place for you where I would say a stable mind and a degree of rationality are key to making it work. Rational would be choosing playmates that are as low risk as possible so if accidents do occur it is still low risk. Must have been some choice to think they may have HIV and you still slept with them willingly outwith a loving relationship. The chances are you are fine and have nothing to worry about, and if you have picked up something on all probability it will be able to get sorted with antibiotics. Just remember driving a car carries risk, a motorbike more so, and some people go paragliding.
Don't freak out, see your doctor abstain until results come back and then think seriously about being on fab |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All i can add to this really is if your not sure you can trust the guy then dont meet him again. And these things happen, just get tested and take it from there. Im sure nothing serious will come of this. Express your concerns to your partner and im sure he will be reassuring and supportive. Hope everything works out ok for you."
This
I also don't think it's too much to ask anyone you're meeting when their last clear test was. I always show my results to everyone I meet. Mine come as a text within 7 to 10 days of test. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel.
Do you really think this is the place for you where I would say a stable mind and a degree of rationality are key to making it work. Rational would be choosing playmates that are as low risk as possible so if accidents do occur it is still low risk. Must have been some choice to think they may have HIV and you still slept with them willingly outwith a loving relationship. The chances are you are fine and have nothing to worry about, and if you have picked up something on all probability it will be able to get sorted with antibiotics. Just remember driving a car carries risk, a motorbike more so, and some people go paragliding.
Don't freak out, see your doctor abstain until results come back and then think seriously about being on fab"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking
Thank you. Sadly I have a severe anxiety disorder so I tend to really obsess about stuff like this. But I'm trying to be rational - I guess it does happen to a lot of people, and most of them are perfectly fine. "
Then this is the wrong hobby for you. |
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"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking
Thank you. Sadly I have a severe anxiety disorder so I tend to really obsess about stuff like this. But I'm trying to be rational - I guess it does happen to a lot of people, and most of them are perfectly fine.
Then this is the wrong hobby for you."
There’s no doubt about that !
With the neurotic disposition of the op , the lifestyle is the last thing she needs .
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"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking"
Why would one not run and get tested? Other than needing to wait a week for the tests to be valid, getting tested afterwards would surely be a good idea? |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking
Why would one not run and get tested? Other than needing to wait a week for the tests to be valid, getting tested afterwards would surely be a good idea? "
She has already been to the Dr's a day or two ago and received antibiotics for an infection. Whether she's bothering with the GUM clinic or even letting the guy know she has an infection is anyones guess. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
It came off. Completely. Not just talking about, it slipped and a little bit got inside me. Apparently the whole thing came off without him noticing.
If he was having trouble getting it up, or staying hard, then it is possible for a condom to come off if the guy's dick goes soft.
However if he was big and hard throughout then it is highly unlikely that it could come off by accident if had been put on properly."
I steal them all the time if I am not careful with what I'm doing . so a little unfair to suggest if a guy is hard and the condom comes off its him removing it..
Op. We have been there... in a club.. a guy left and suddenly we found the full ( but now leaked condom( inside... at first we were all calm and just get tested... But then we started over thinking things.
Hiv tests are much quicker now at many places.. it is still best to play safe with each other and not meet for 3 months to be sure.. But try not to over think it.
However if you do as you say suggest have bodily fluid aversions.. I would question if swinging would be right for you as it does tend to involve them at some level. Not saying dont. But if I was worried all the time. I am not sure i would enjoy something. X
Hope its all okay x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All i can add to this really is if your not sure you can trust the guy then dont meet him again. And these things happen, just get tested and take it from there. Im sure nothing serious will come of this. Express your concerns to your partner and im sure he will be reassuring and supportive. Hope everything works out ok for you.
This
I also don't think it's too much to ask anyone you're meeting when their last clear test was. I always show my results to everyone I meet. Mine come as a text within 7 to 10 days of test."
a lot of clinics dont send all clears now... And I wouldn't take any notice of someone showing me their all clear as just means that 2 weeks ago they were clear. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All i can add to this really is if your not sure you can trust the guy then dont meet him again. And these things happen, just get tested and take it from there. Im sure nothing serious will come of this. Express your concerns to your partner and im sure he will be reassuring and supportive. Hope everything works out ok for you.
This
I also don't think it's too much to ask anyone you're meeting when their last clear test was. I always show my results to everyone I meet. Mine come as a text within 7 to 10 days of test."
do your results say exactly what you've been tested for and where? ours just say there are no issues. Some may not have had a full suite of tests every time. |
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I believe that someone having an 'all clear' does at least show they have the maturity to get tested. I me likely to trust someone who gets tested regularly and can demonstrate that.... Than someone who does not.
Is is, however, true that communication from clinics varies. |
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"This has happened to me and probably loads of females. I just think "oh shit" but never run and get tested and im still alive and kicking"
Maybe, but perhaps you should, get tested, and have some consideration for others as you may seem fine but be carrying anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Beyond me why anyone with such an aversion to bodily fluids and such a fear for sexual well being is meeting strangers off a swingers site for NSA sex. Seriously, it's like being petrified off sharks and swimming in shark infested waters.
Sorry if it sounds harsh but it's how it reads to me.
Get tested, if all clear, rethink the lifestyle choice. |
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted
I don't like semen inside me. I have issues with body fluids due to things that happened when I was younger. I appreciate that not everyone will understand that, but it's the way I feel."
Your reactions are your reactions, and genuine. This isn't the time to be trying to unpack them.
Get tested, play safe until you are sure, and don't panic.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bit of an overreaction to say you feel dirty and you're disgusted "
Just what I thought. Get tested but stop panicking. Massively unlikely it will be bad news |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"And screw (not literally) the people judging you x"
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I will say this - I do appreciate that some people do not comprehend my feelings on this matter. I have a very severe anxiety disorder and also OCD (which is where the cleanliness/dislike of bodily fluids comes from). If you don't have those problems, you probably aren't going to understand. But there is no rationalising with my level of anxiety.
But, what I do realise now is that given the issues that I have, the lifestyle is not for me. I guess it doesn't suit everyone. |
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"And screw (not literally) the people judging you x
Thank you. I appreciate it.
I will say this - I do appreciate that some people do not comprehend my feelings on this matter. I have a very severe anxiety disorder and also OCD (which is where the cleanliness/dislike of bodily fluids comes from). If you don't have those problems, you probably aren't going to understand. But there is no rationalising with my level of anxiety.
But, what I do realise now is that given the issues that I have, the lifestyle is not for me. I guess it doesn't suit everyone. "
Just take it one step at a time. You obviously are interested, or else you wouldn't be on here. Once you have the tests out the way and get the all clear, maybe you and your other half can go to a swingers club or something, where you can just socialise with like minded people and not take it any further, but still do the social side of this. Wouldn't throw in the towel too quickly. It can be fantastic fun, if you're in the right state of mind and comfortable with it all x |
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