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Secret affair, can it work ?
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The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You may be married on paper but seriously apart from the convenience why are you there 
I get it’s hard to leave and you don’t want to be alone, have to start again but something has to give, I don’t really agree with cheating but after leaving my husband because I didn’t live him, it might have been easier to have an affair lol he knows me to well though and I can’t lie but this is me.
Talk to your wife maybe ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That's so sad to hear. No one should have to go without sex for so long. I wouldn't blame you foe wanting some physical loving. Trouble is, would your wife understand? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
if you can keep the secret it may work ,the only problems you may encounter are your own conscience and emotions that may affect the woman if she falls for you or you her but the trouble with any affair is keeping it a secret  |
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By *yldstyleWoman
over a year ago
A world of my own |
A success to you might be having the affair and keeping your marriage, however does success look like that to the lady you plan to embark on this affair with?
Sex alone night not mean much,no strings, no emotions and yes you might get away with it.
An affair though indicates there is some emotional investment. Do you wish to hurt her?
I will of course be slated for this because people only ever feel sorry for the wife in these things |
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By *ady LickWoman
over a year ago
Northampton Somewhere |
I think you could possibly make it work as long as you set your boundaries, presuming you don't want to leave your wife.
10 years is a long time to go without physical affection. I feel for you but I shouldn't think you'll get that much support from fabbers! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A success to you might be having the affair and keeping your marriage, however does success look like that to the lady you plan to embark on this affair with?
Sex alone night not mean much,no strings, no emotions and yes you might get away with it.
An affair though indicates there is some emotional investment. Do you wish to hurt her?
I will of course be slated for this because people only ever feel sorry for the wife in these things"
why would I slate you ,why would any man here slate you .........oh you mean women well yes of course they may slate you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You haven't got a marriage? You have a friendship at best. You aren't sexually compatible. Therefore... you aren't compatible.
You should explain, what she no doubt already knows, and leave.
An affair will only lead to pain. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Affairs are great and all but don’t half leave you feeling empty inside once you realise that it’s just another relationship that you’re shit at. As someone who has been there and came out of it scathed... don’t bother. Everyone gets hurt. Even you. |
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OP it is quite possible for couples to have a happy and fulfilling relationship without sex, but they usually still have lots of cuddles and intimate moments. Without this closeness you are just flatmates and it sounds like a miserable existence.
Rather than just looking for an affair I would be considering my relationship on a deeper level first.
Am I truly happy with this person, with or without the sex?
Will I be content with things as they are in 5, 10, 20 years time?
An affair has the potential to cause immeasurable hurt to both of you - are you ready to deal with the consequences if it all goes tits up?
Is an affair going to fix things at home?
Would you be better off splitting from your wife and both of you making a fresh start?
Can we work together to try and fix things?
Only you can answer all of these OP and make the choice. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It only works for some as I said if you love your partner and don't want to lose her don't do it but if its gone beyond that and you're just friends then leave ,you'll still be friends but its the more honest thing to do ,cheating is kinda sleazy |
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance.
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes "
Cumbriamale & Vape999...
Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules...
Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me.
Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma  |
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It's unfair to have an affair. It's also unfair to withhold sex for 10 years. You promised not to have sex with others on the assumption you would be having sex with each other.
Needs to be a chat with your wife though... I'd start with telling her how much you miss intimacy with her.... And if she really shows no interest tell her that you really feel you need it and ask her what she would do in your position |
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By *tonMessCouple
over a year ago
Slough Windsor ish |
I guess everyone is different and all have their own opinions.
Cheffy and i met on here as singles. I was genuinely single, he was in a marriage much ie your own.
Neither of us 'wanted' more than a casual FWBs type relationship... for me being with a married man felt 'safe'. I knew the score and knew it would new amount to anything... just how i liked it. I valued my freedom and single swinging lifestyle. He just needed a bit of intimacy.
After a year we realised we realy had fallen in love.
He left his wife to be with me. She was devastated and i still feel terrible for that.
I guess what im trying to say is somebody always ends up getting hurt.
The question you need to ask yourself is 'do i want to risk hurting the wife should she ever find out?'... i guess if you are extremely carefull and discreet you can have NSA fun, but just be aware when FWBs become close you will need to break somebodies heart. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance.
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes
Cumbriamale & Vape999...
Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules...
Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me.
Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma "
Hey Velvet
There’s a few or more of us just with differing levels of acceptance and honesty. It’s a personal choice, one that I’ve chose and boundaries in place.
Vapes |
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The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. "
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. |
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
Yes, me  |
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce. "
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m an advocate of if it’s not right then dont prolong it. Ive been in a relationship where i had the best sexy a man could want from a woman who was sexually liberated and loved all forms, but unfortunately I didn’t love her and the thought of a life without love was more worrying than a life without the best sex. For me anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm so sorry OP and the other posters in a similar situation. It's very sad. We are here for such a short time. And to be in an unhappy marriage is such a shame for both of you! It's not just the lack of sex, but the other stuff you also lose! Caring, intimacy, loving tactile gestures!
Taking the impact on your wife out of this, I see an affair as either leaving you feeling empty and even more lonely, or being forced into a situation you don't sound ready for?
Or do you need a reason to leave, ie another woman to be with, before you end your unhappy marriage?
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce.
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. "
Or you could just divorce |
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Knowing only the brief version of one side of the story I would say consider your options. See a marriage guidance therapist together or alone (together is better, they get both sides then) and go forward together or apart from there.
Good luck to you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce.
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely. "
The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
If you haven't finished with her up to now you probably won't. Cheating on her is wrong, how would you like it if you found out she had been fucking someone else for ten years? |
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If a marriage is not working try to make it work.if you can't and it all over leave .get your own place and start over as a single then date the lady .if your wife genuinely still loves you leaving will hurt her yes .but having an affair and being discovered could destroy her which is wrong .be a man and do the decent thing .talk it through with the wife see if issue can be resolved if it can't leave but don't cheat .do it the proper way
That's just my opinion by the way |
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By *issVeryWoman
over a year ago
streatham |
I find these types of threads so frustrating to read..the OPs never really give answers that shed any useful light on the issue..
-how can you be married for so long and not know exactly why she is off sex, how much of a relationship is this if your partner can’t tell you what’s bothering them! (can’t be that iplayer is more fun- are you a crap lover?)
- married for so long, why can’t you say to her what you said to us in your opening post? Why can’t you talk about sex??? Am I the only one who thinks it’s weird when OPs considering affairs always come back with “he/she just doesn’t want to talk about it”- excuse me! You are adults, you sit them down and you tell them to listen to your feelings OR YOU’RE GOING TO HAVE AN AFFAIR. How can anything ever be resolved if the other person doesn’t understand the seriousness of the matter! Talk! Say it!
- you say you like sleeping separately? Why?
- why are you still married? What’s the point?
Once you answer the above, people will be better able to better advise.
 |
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce.
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely.
The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone"."
For 10 years |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It sounds like you really need to talk to your wife. Sex aside, it does not sound like a happy life. Nsa sex is one thing, but an affair involves feelings & that is unfair to all 3 of you.
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To me an affair would skirt the real issues.
Marriage is about give and take but without airing what you both want how can you ever reach a compromise.
A hooker, an affair or some other sexual relationship is not going to resolve the sleeping at opposite ends of the house or the shouting matches.
I personally think you need relationships counselling and she may possibly need sex therapy or some other form of counselling.
I don't want to make assumptions about her lack of sex drive but I can think of many.
The issue with proposing such a step is that it means admitting there are problems and 10 years of issues not all of which may be about you can be hard to challenge. But personally I'd rather go that way than just give up and separate, or give up and stay together.
I know not all marriages are the same, but from your view of what a marriage should be, how much of a marriage do you have? None of this is about blame or fault. It is what it is, but there are other options. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce.
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely.
The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone".
For 10 years "
Can go on indefinitely if nobody wants to face the issues |
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
Marriage counselling is another option cheaper than divorce.
I don't see that having much chance of working. Assuming she wasn't being porked by someone else, then someone who went 10 years without sex must be lacking the fundamental drive for it. With enough counselling, flowers and grovelling then you might get her back to sex four times a year, but that's just humiliating. There are resorts in thailand that do a full girlfriend experience for a week, spend money wisely.
The shouting mentioned by the OP indicates there are other issues in the marriage, it's not at all unusual for women to lose the desire for sex with a long-term partner where there are other unresolved relationship issues, the sexual element isn't "stand-alone".
For 10 years "
Yep it happens.
Change in libido
Sexual assault
Drug miss use
Sex becoming painful following children or some other medical ailment.
Menopause / traditional and early on set.
Affair with someone else
There are more. But basically we will never know as it seems he does not know. Until he knows why and she faces the reason why they can't move from their current cycle. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun.
Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. |
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun.
Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. "
My question is in the interests of discussion only not a comment on your situation.
Is sex a right? Why shouldn't someone he celibate? Lots of people are for various reasons. |
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"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun.
Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate. "
Disagree with who. |
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OP seems to be blaming his wife for lack of sex! Yes I know 10 years is a long time but why am I getting the feeling it’s her fault and not his?
An ‘affair’ may not solve this OP it may bring more problems and hurt your wife is she finds out.
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OP
You are still together, despite arguments and lack of sex.
This means that there's something worth fighting for, or suggests you haven't got the courage to leave.
In my opinion an affair is never a good idea. Either work with your wife to resolve your problems, or accept that it's over.
Nita |
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"Why are you staying with your wife? Is it just for convenience sake? Is sex a big thing for you? From the little you have told us I think the best course of action is a frank talk with your wife. "
It’s probably for financial reasons. I know people who have stayed with a spouse because of that. People can really get stung financially with a divorce |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point? |
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?"
Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?
Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms. "
Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy |
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"I wonder why you stay in the marriage if you're so unhappy? "
Unfortunately it was the same for me, my husband and I lived more like friends for over 10 years in separate rooms, for me it was financial reasons and security for the kids, I am now in my own house and starting over.
We all deserve some love and happiness, for me it's not all about sex it's about having someone to turn to for support, cuddles and be there for you, I didn't even get that from my ex x storm x |
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?
Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms.
Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy"
You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to ne on a relationshipo that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?
Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms.
Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy
You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy. "
Yes I do. In the context of the rest of his post it's a fair conclusion and one I stand by
But at no point did I suggest that all people who sleep in separate rooms are unhappy so I;m not sure why you've jumped on the comment?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just leave her. You sleep in separate rooms and refer to "quite liking her when you aren't shouting". Who wants to be on a relationship that they at best like and not all the time.
For all that you focus on the lack of sex, that sounds such a miserable and lonely existence. What's the point?
Plenty of happy couples with good sex lives sleep in seperate rooms.
Not quite sure what that's got to do with my post or the OP's. I know they do. But there is nothing in the OP's post that suggests that they are, or at least he is happy
You offer it as evidence that they are unhappy.
Yes I do. In the context of the rest of his post it's a fair conclusion and one I stand by
But at no point did I suggest that all people who sleep in separate rooms are unhappy so I;m not sure why you've jumped on the comment? "
It is evidence that they aren't happy. The OP is clearly saying he's not happy, the only thing he is happy about is sleeping in opposite ends of the house.
If the OP & his wife were having sex, then they could be a happy couple with a good sex life, sleeping in separate beds. Or they wouldn't...theres still the matter of all the yelling, thats a big indicator of unhappiness |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Having been in this situation, I would ask you first to make it work with your wife if you can.
I left for the affair, the relationship borne out of the affair lasted a few years but ultimately didn’t work, possibly as it started from an affair.
I lost my wife, my choice, and then the women I had the affair with so ended up on my own, tough but probably for the best.
There could be significant consequences of the affair one way or the other, but I do not think anyone should carry on in a Marriage like the one you are experiencing. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun.
Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate.
My question is in the interests of discussion only not a comment on your situation.
Is sex a right? Why shouldn't someone he celibate? Lots of people are for various reasons."
I was celibate for 6 years. Including a year when I was still married and he left me. So I do know what it’s like to be in that situation. Celibacy isn’t always a choice.
I made the comments on my situation to show that it can work. |
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By *alcon43Woman
over a year ago
Paisley |
"I’d disagree. I’ve been meeting a married guy for 18 months. I wouldn’t call it an affair as we aren’t emotionally involved. I stayed at the beginning I wasn’t interested in him leaving his wife. He has no sex life at home and enjoys being with me and exploring new things sexually. He has grown in confidence in the bedroom and learned a few new tricks lol. He enjoys the way that I respond to him touching me and we do have great sex. We don’t meet regularly so when we do meet it’s a lot of fun.
Many people have reasons why they stay together but doesn’t mean that they should remain celibate.
Disagree with who. "
Disagree with those that think it can’t work. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hey op.
Its difficult without knowing details of your personal situation but there have been some good comments above.
However its worth saying that you're not alone. This is quite a common issue, even with younger couple's. If you're happy and comfortable with your marriage and living situation, I'd recommend talking to her openly. If she's truly not interested in sex anymore, she might well understand and you might be able to come to a compromise where you can get you needs seen too. Everyone needs fun and excitement in their lives, it just happens that us males being simple means we also have a primeval need to procreate and fuck something.
If you're not happy in your situation, then common sense should prevail. It might be time to part ways for the good of both of you. You're never too old for new adventures, you only have one life. Starting a new may be scary but id rather try than a lifetime of not knowing and what ifs...
A couple of people have suggested prostitutes. Id second it. Its the oldest profession in the world and is there to serve a purpose. Statistics have shown that countries with legal brothels have seen a big decrease in divorse rates..
Food for thought - although id still suggest talking to the wife because you don't want to lie and add flames.
All the best OP.
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Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment on my original question, your advise has been excellent. I have decided to alter my profile and be more honest in who i am and what i am looking for. I have now come to the conclusion i should not start a relationship with this lovely work colleague as i get the feeling she is looking for maybe more than just sex and i imagine feelings would develop and i would end up in a right pickle and probably homeless to boot. Best to stay within the fab community and be as honest as possible and meet a discreet fuck buddy for mutual pleasure |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks everyone for taking the time to comment on my original question, your advise has been excellent. I have decided to alter my profile and be more honest in who i am and what i am looking for. I have now come to the conclusion i should not start a relationship with this lovely work colleague as i get the feeling she is looking for maybe more than just sex and i imagine feelings would develop and i would end up in a right pickle and probably homeless to boot. Best to stay within the fab community and be as honest as possible and meet a discreet fuck buddy for mutual pleasure"
It works for me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My FAB partner and I met on a site for people seeking affairs. He is married but in a sexless relationship. We have been seeing eachother for almost 3 years. It works absolutely fine for us. We are incredibly fond of eachother but both know the limits. I presume you have had discussions with your wife regarding your relationship. Life is too short. Xx |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I was in your situation. I fell out of love with my ex husband also however so it was easier perhaps to call it a day and end the relationship.
Trouble is... if you have no physical affection at home, there is a high possibility you’d fall for someone else who could provide it elsewhere and perhaps then you’re in an even stickier situation.
She may be happy with you finding sex elsewhere. There are many profiles here that are open and honest about that situation. But doing it behind her back without honesty... only you can decide that and only you can be responsible for any consequences.
One thing to consider is how would you feel if she hadn’t gone of sex but was actually fucking someone outside your relationship. She’d just gone of sex with you.
V x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Secrets have a bad habit of becoming knowns.
Perhaps you need to talk to your wife about your need for sex. And agree an open relationship as a way of resolving things. |
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Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being related to a solicitor does not give you extra legal rights.
If there are children and she keeps them, yes you are homeless. If not 50 50 split and start afresh.
As it stands you can divorce her on unreasonable behaviour, get caught having sex outside marriage UK law is on her side..
Personally I would be cautious around such a partner. I am presuming every other part of the marriage is good, can't see why you would put up with bad just for a roof... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked"
Wow so sorry to hear that OP. Brave move asking her so quickly. I wouldn't regret it because now you know and if you don't ask, you don't get.
Its such a tough one. Its easy for us to offer advise and its hard to not sound condicending. There's always 2 sides to every story but from what you say, it sounds very unfair from your wife. Asking for a girlfriend was probably the wrong thing to say, because she easily took offence to you wanting another emotional attachment. Unless that's what you want, in which the best case would be to part ways. By the sounds of it I'm guessing she also wouldn't allow you to seek quick fixes with say prostitutes, because its likely she'd use that against you and really screw you in a court.
I truly feel for you.
None of us here are qualified to advise you, but you're doing the right thing reaching out to other people.
Persoanlly, I don't think You should sacrifice your happiness for the sake of "well its been 10/20 years together, can't change now" but that's just my opinion. There are lots of married couples that simply coexist together.
I hope you find your solution OP.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked"
Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped.
Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked
Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped.
Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. "
.
I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being frank
What you got to lose by leaving.
Sounds like no love or intimacy has gone.
Staying for the kids is all well and good but i bet they sence all is not good
So leave take it to court let her pay her share to keep the house you pay yours and start a fresh where you could have the chance for happiness
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked"
Okay it’s out there now and you can’t take it back so you’re going to have to figure out what your options are.
I’d seek legal advice (not advice off here!) about your next steps. I don’t know if you own the house but if you do then of course you have a claim to it and don’t have to move out! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This doesn’t just apply to men, I am in a completely sexless marriage, for a number of years now. I adore my husband, he’s a wonderful man and father, but I have got to that point now where I don’t feel I want to have sex with him. We live as friends, there’s no real physical intimacy in our relationship. Yes, I should try counselling or even leave him, but I don’t want to. I look elsewhere to satisfy myself physically, I don’t ever enter into an emotional relationship elsewhere, and I find it mostly works for me. Keeps my frustration at a workable level.
I appreciate many would slate me for that, but it’s worked for me. Be discreet and sensible, and always have a thought for the bigger picture. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's unfair to have an affair. It's also unfair to withhold sex for 10 years. You promised not to have sex with others on the assumption you would be having sex with each other.
Needs to be a chat with your wife though... I'd start with telling her how much you miss intimacy with her.... And if she really shows no interest tell her that you really feel you need it and ask her what she would do in your position"
I have to agree with this. Marriage has to be based on trust. You need to know more about why your wife doesn't enjoy sex anymore ... it could be for a variety of reasons.
If you know the reasons, then you possibly have the beginnings of a solution. Perhaps she'd enjoy other forms of intimacy and would this be enough for you?
Personally, I think it's a risky route to find sex elsewhere without your wife's knowledge and understanding. It is cheating and it'll be in the back of your mind all the time however good it feels. You need to be devious too. This all takes a toll on you and will affect your relationship eventually, perhaps terminally.
At the end of the day it's about trust and communication both ways. Without this a relationship is doomed in any case. I would try talking first unless you've already decided your marriage isn't worth keeping. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"
If there are children and she keeps them, yes you are homeless. If not 50 50 split and start afresh.
get caught having sex outside marriage UK law is on her side..
..."
Not entirely factually correct by the way.
V x |
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Lots of advice, take what you need and leave the rest!
You’ve started the ball rolling by asking her the initial questions - you now know where you stand! The next stage as suggested above is to find out why she doesn’t want sex, delve as deep as possible, you both need to know why! Maybe counselling, a third independent person can help to unlock the issues.
This might sound daft but some people just don’t want to, for many reasons but once you know, you may be able to do something about it or not! Once you know this, you can make an informed decision - likewise, get some legal advice about what would actually happen if you split up as opposed to guessing, once again you can make an informed decision plus it might put your mind at rest!
You’ve done well to come this far, you just need to go a little bit further to get the whole situation resolved one way or the other plus you don’t need to decide right now!
Timing is key when bringing up the subject, relaxed, no children about and ideally the ‘idiot box’ off!
Let us know how you get on, good luck! |
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked
Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped.
Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. .
I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you. "
Now that OP has asked his wife if he can have a girlfriend when she has clearly told him to leave her alone sexually has made matters worse for him. Any resentment she has for him will now be two fold and she will be very suspicious because she now knows he intends to be unfaithful. This will potentially make things worse at home  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some of you had mentioned being honest so i decided to try this approach. I said you know its been such a long time, can we have sex, she said no, i said why not, she looked at me, shook her right hand up and down and said if you want sex just do it manually to yourself.
So i said, ok can i have a girlfriend, she replied yes, great i thought getting somewhere at last. Then she said, make sure she has a house because you will have to leave this one !( a relative of hers is a solicitor). I'm fucked....but remain unfucked
Sounds like she's threatening to take you for every penny she can. You're trapped.
Can you keep it amicable and divorce then find someone new? Sounds too risky to fuck anyone in case she finds out. .
I would take legal advice as soon as you can. It sounds like she is several steps ahead of you.
Now that OP has asked his wife if he can have a girlfriend when she has clearly told him to leave her alone sexually has made matters worse for him. Any resentment she has for him will now be two fold and she will be very suspicious because she now knows he intends to be unfaithful. This will potentially make things worse at home "
this is all conjecture she doesn't care and it kinda doesn't matter anyway he will do what he will do ,these things never really work out for the best ,secret or not |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've done a Kendal 20 mile search and there are a few married women looking for fun as hubby is boring and they need sex.
It would be funny if it was actually the op"s mrs
"
I don't think any part of the OPs situation sounds funny at all... |
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Ummmm, I think you misinterpreted bring honest. You asked for sex, she said no.
The next question for someone who wanted intimacy with her was to ask why that is, that you really missed being intimate with her and that you wanted to understand why it was that way.
As soon as you say can you have it with someone else, it does sound shallow. I think first of all you need to make an effort with her, and if it's not working on a while, then broach that kind of idea |
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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago
A Galaxy far far away |
"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce. "
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view."
Why? |
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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago
A Galaxy far far away |
"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view.
Why?"
I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money.
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"Ummmm, I think you misinterpreted bring honest. You asked for sex, she said no.
The next question for someone who wanted intimacy with her was to ask why that is, that you really missed being intimate with her and that you wanted to understand why it was that way.
As soon as you say can you have it with someone else, it does sound shallow. I think first of all you need to make an effort with her, and if it's not working on a while, then broach that kind of idea"
On the face of it though she's making no effort to discover why he wants sex and she doesn't. Communication breakdown is very difficult to deal with and he at least has made the effort. |
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view.
Why?
I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money.
"
Is swinging organic and real? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance. "
Ive played with my share of woman in similar situations
And trust me mate
Honesty with your partner is ALWAYS the best policy, liers always get found out in the end
And as someone else pointed out, what if you meet someone that you get feelings for, who makes you happy AMD wants sex, if your lying to your partner it makes that all the more awkward and then for you the resentment sets in |
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By *oul BrothaMan
over a year ago
A Galaxy far far away |
"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view.
Why?
I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money.
Is swinging organic and real? "
When I've met fellow swingers, no money has been exchanged. Appreciate that there isn't a deep emotional bond, but it's not built on a capitalist principle. |
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"The fact that you mentioned shouting matches is a worrying sign. If you can't communicate without shouting then the lack of sex is a symptom of something bigger.
Why an affair? The problem is that you just want sex. Most women have affairs for emotional reasons. So you are going to find it hard to have an affair with a reasonably attractive women that doesn't end in an emotional mess and / or a divorce.
Personally I'd just spend £100 a week on a nice hooker and save myself the hassle. It sounds expensive until you calculate the cost of a divorce.
The whole transactional, contrived nature of using escorts is disgusting in my view.
Why?
I prefer something organic and real. If I sleep with someone, I want her to want me, and not my money.
"
They provide a service so maybe OP could take advantage of that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From the sounds of it you need to get out of it. Seems hard and nobody likes to shake up their lives that much so suddenly but from what you've said and the comment about relative solicitors she's already way past you in wondering wether to leave you or not and it says like she's thought about it a lot! Like some others have said, if you genuinely love her find out if she still loves you and discuss everything and wether you can both make another attempt at getting back on track and if not you are going to have to bite the bullet and leave. Easier said than done but going down the route of affairs and cheating sounds like it's going to cause you a whole lotta shit if she finds that out! Which she will. Good luck with it |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Northants |
I wonder if your wife used to be interested in sex? I guess she was but family life gets in the way. She is busy with the kids and maybe a job and looking after you. If you don't nurture love and that concerned with it, you WILL lose it!
I hate the term, but why not try some date nights? Why not bring the romance back into your lives? You could try to be as though it was that "fuckbuddy" relationship. That is what you are going to have to do with someone else. No matter how "no strings" you may start off, you will develop feelings for someone over time.
So my suggestion would be to do what you did at the beginning of the relationship. Woo her! Pay her attention and FFS, DON'T sleep in separate beds let alone rooms! Both of you are complicit in the lack of physical contact, so try and fix it instead of looking for a quick fix to empty your sack.... |
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Yes nearly 8yrs and both wanted to stay married because of kids so altho he is ill at mo and has been for past yr we i believe are very good friends that over the yrs have been to amazing places and done amazing things... |
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"just like me###This doesn’t just apply to men, I am in a completely sexless marriage, for a number of years now. I adore my husband, he’s a wonderful man and father, but I have got to that point now where I don’t feel I want to have sex with him. We live as friends, there’s no real physical intimacy in our relationship. Yes, I should try counselling or even leave him, but I don’t want to. I look elsewhere to satisfy myself physically, I don’t ever enter into an emotional relationship elsewhere, and I find it mostly works for me. Keeps my frustration at a workable level.
I appreciate many would slate me for that, but it’s worked for me. Be discreet and sensible, and always have a thought for the bigger picture. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"just like me###This doesn’t just apply to men, I am in a completely sexless marriage, for a number of years now. I adore my husband, he’s a wonderful man and father, but I have got to that point now where I don’t feel I want to have sex with him. We live as friends, there’s no real physical intimacy in our relationship. Yes, I should try counselling or even leave him, but I don’t want to. I look elsewhere to satisfy myself physically, I don’t ever enter into an emotional relationship elsewhere, and I find it mostly works for me. Keeps my frustration at a workable level.
I appreciate many would slate me for that, but it’s worked for me. Be discreet and sensible, and always have a thought for the bigger picture. "
Lisa I mirror that sentiment and fully understand where you come from. No emotions and keep focus on family. Always, always keep a distance between you and Fab Friends beginning with location and ending with just physical and mental attraction.
Vapes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nope walked out and took our son!
All of work knew before me, funny thing is that when we split up and our son would be dropped off she’d hang about till he went to sleep then we’d have sex before she went to him lol |
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"Nope walked out and took our son!
All of work knew before me, funny thing is that when we split up and our son would be dropped off she’d hang about till he went to sleep then we’d have sex before she went to him lol"
I'm not quite sure what the 'lol' is for. So she cheats on you,then when she drops your son back off she has sex with you then goes back to the other guy!
Sound's like she's having her cake and eating it,I'd be telling her to f*ck off! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well affair we would say NO . Occasional sex with a FB possibly yes .
My wife has a friend who married a good looking guy 16 years ago she to is a very attractive lady . As a couple they are pretty well off financially and always have been due to his family business established back in the 50's by his dad . As such they wanted for nothing nice little small holding horses , holidays the lot and no money worries . After 6 months she joked with the wife that sex would be a fine thing always an excuse and laughed it off. Fast forward 2 years and she had two children and they seemed happy . One day when the kids were at nursery she confided in the wife and another friend that sex was now not taking place and she wondered why and were we the same ? and she thought perhaps he didn't fancy her any more , he maybe getting it elsewhere as a few women worked for the business or he may even be gay .
She said she had tried to spice it up but he just wasn't interested . Eventually the show down came and she told the wife she confronted him and he basically said I love you loads , I am not gay just because I went to boarding school lol and I am and never would have an affair . He said he was just not really interested in sex and can easily live without it and she believed him and it does seem it was the case, just a very low sex drive.
He did go to the DR who said he could give him Viagra but impotence wasn't the issue he just simply had a very low sex drive .
The wifes friend in her own words admitted she hadn't got a high sex drive herself but would actually like it once a week at least . They did go to a councillor which was a waste of time too. The lady in question did and does love her husband and she was going to stick with it ......
As time went on she told the wife nothing was improving in that department and it had got that bad that she said when he was at work she used to just pleasure herself occasionally as he wasn't even interested in watching that .
Move on another year or so and while out with the wife and other friend she confided that they had come to some sort of agreement it was early days and she would tell them if it worked .
Anyway the agreement was she could find a man to fulfil her needs as long as it was discreet .That is what she has done for the last 14 years. Once a fortnight she meets the same guy who lives in the nearest town and spends the day and evening with him and that's fulfils her needs. She has never explained how she found this guy,or really how it all works . The _umours have been rife though and some say its actually not just a guy but a couple and its an agreed threesome scenario and they were friends prior to arrangement . Outwardly and I believe they are very happy as a couple and this works for them as said not sure if its a single guy or as _umour has it a couple she has never really explained other than its not an issue for me anymore and will not discuss it even on a girls night out .We would say you do need that conversation , you do need to ask those questions and you do need to say you would and need sex occasionally and then work form there ie move on or have a discreet friendship with a female with your wifes permission . Pleas don't do anything behind her back as that's just cruel and nasty .
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have also o e of these wives that loose interest in sex she just does not want to know any more as soon as it's mentioned she hits the roof o am also sleeping in a different room to her it's like are great relation ship has turned to a big mistake |
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"I have also o e of these wives that loose interest in sex she just does not want to know any more as soon as it's mentioned she hits the roof o am also sleeping in a different room to her it's like are great relation ship has turned to a big mistake "
Alway's be aware it may not be the fact your wife has gone off sex,but that she's gone off sex with you and you alone. She may be crying out for some excitement in the bedroom department. Maybe. |
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"I have also o e of these wives that loose interest in sex she just does not want to know any more as soon as it's mentioned she hits the roof o am also sleeping in a different room to her it's like are great relation ship has turned to a big mistake "
It's not fair of her to hit the roof every time it's mentioned, that prevents proper discussion and any chance solving the problem.
One of you has to approach the subject in a calm and rational way and it looks like its going to have to be you. |
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"Well affair we would say NO . Occasional sex with a FB possibly yes .
My wife has a friend who married a good looking guy 16 years ago she to is a very attractive lady . As a couple they are pretty well off financially and always have been due to his family business established back in the 50's by his dad . As such they wanted for nothing nice little small holding horses , holidays the lot and no money worries . After 6 months she joked with the wife that sex would be a fine thing always an excuse and laughed it off. Fast forward 2 years and she had two children and they seemed happy . One day when the kids were at nursery she confided in the wife and another friend that sex was now not taking place and she wondered why and were we the same ? and she thought perhaps he didn't fancy her any more , he maybe getting it elsewhere as a few women worked for the business or he may even be gay .
She said she had tried to spice it up but he just wasn't interested . Eventually the show down came and she told the wife she confronted him and he basically said I love you loads , I am not gay just because I went to boarding school lol and I am and never would have an affair . He said he was just not really interested in sex and can easily live without it and she believed him and it does seem it was the case, just a very low sex drive.
He did go to the DR who said he could give him Viagra but impotence wasn't the issue he just simply had a very low sex drive .
The wifes friend in her own words admitted she hadn't got a high sex drive herself but would actually like it once a week at least . They did go to a councillor which was a waste of time too. The lady in question did and does love her husband and she was going to stick with it ......
As time went on she told the wife nothing was improving in that department and it had got that bad that she said when he was at work she used to just pleasure herself occasionally as he wasn't even interested in watching that .
Move on another year or so and while out with the wife and other friend she confided that they had come to some sort of agreement it was early days and she would tell them if it worked .
Anyway the agreement was she could find a man to fulfil her needs as long as it was discreet .That is what she has done for the last 14 years. Once a fortnight she meets the same guy who lives in the nearest town and spends the day and evening with him and that's fulfils her needs. She has never explained how she found this guy,or really how it all works . The _umours have been rife though and some say its actually not just a guy but a couple and its an agreed threesome scenario and they were friends prior to arrangement . Outwardly and I believe they are very happy as a couple and this works for them as said not sure if its a single guy or as _umour has it a couple she has never really explained other than its not an issue for me anymore and will not discuss it even on a girls night out .We would say you do need that conversation , you do need to ask those questions and you do need to say you would and need sex occasionally and then work form there ie move on or have a discreet friendship with a female with your wifes permission . Pleas don't do anything behind her back as that's just cruel and nasty .
"
"I am not gay just because I went to boarding school" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance.
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes
Cumbriamale & Vape999...
Im in exactly the same situation and have just come out of a long term "affair" which was based on some watertight ground rules...
Feel free to PM for any first hand feedback on how it worked for me.
Im just delighted I'm not the only one in this dilemma "
Velvetguy I’d call it the same. |
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I had an affair whilst married
Not anything I’m proud of x
It wasn’t salacious or seedy and I had genuine feelings for the other person x
I got away with it for three years
I am disappointed with myself x
Anyway the other person wanted greater emotional attachment x
My wife at the time didn’t suspect
I told her what I’d done / she like me knew our relationship was broken and neither had the desire to fix it x
I don’t think I could have got away with it in the age of the iPhone and social media
In my experience I wouldn’t recommend it
If you like to live on the age and being at risk of being found out do it x
If I had my time again I wouldn’t x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Of course an affair can work, and bring benefits to both people and their home life. It doesn't always end in hurt, and before anyone goes in a rant at me, yes I also understand a lot of people get caught and it causes misery, but by no means do they always get caught. |
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Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned |
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned "
That's quite harsh, almost biblical!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned "
Clearly you are a lucky man living the ideal life...  |
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"I've got to ask the question...why have you not had sex for 10 years?
Shes just not that keen on it, would rather read a good book or watch the iplayer"
Have the following conversation:
You: Is sex important in our relationship?
Her:No.
You: okay It doesn't matter where I get it from then?
Her: now you've put it like that, ye I suppose it is important.
You: why don't we have sex then? |
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"I've got to ask the question...why have you not had sex for 10 years?
Shes just not that keen on it, would rather read a good book or watch the iplayer
Have the following conversation:
You: Is sex important in our relationship?
Her:No.
You: okay It doesn't matter where I get it from then?
Her: now you've put it like that, ye I suppose it is important.
You: why don't we have sex then? "
It's a conversation starter for sure. |
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Dear Married men
Marraige destroys a womans libido. Housework bores the tits off most people. Sadly, once a woman does not fancy you anymore it is very hard to reverse this. Marraige is hardwork, dating is recreation.
Best wishes an ex wife ( thanks be) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned "
How judgemental?!! I take it you've never ever done anything wrong in your entire life |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned "
I see you're on a driving ban too, wonder why that was, drink driving? Drugs driving? Dangerous driving? Injured someone? Killed someone? Not so squeaky clean after all then are you. Jeez. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance.
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes "
it’s good to know i am not the only one in such situation. all the best |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The poet John Betjeman was asked as he was pushed along in his wheelchair, "do you have any regrets ? ", he replied " yes, i wish i had had more sex"!
I think about this more and more now as i have the opportunity for a hot passionate affair and wonder if i should give in to temptation .
Trouble is i am married, and have been for a long time. When we are not shouting at each other i quite like her but we have had no sex for more than 10 years, we sleep in different ends of the house and are both quite happy with the sleeping arrangement. I know that i will quite possibly never have sex again if i remain faithfull, as to be honest she has never quite liked it. In my past i have had lots of great sex and although i dont need it all the time i would quite like to try it again. Has anyone else been in this situation and embarked on a secret passionate affair and made a success of it without it impacting on their married existance.
OP I feel your issue. I’m at a similar stage... 3 years and no sexual relations. Mine was a slow reduction but the libido of my wife just expired. She’s a good woman and a tremendous mother... for the kids we make everything else work.
I however crave and want a sexual relationship but not an affair. Fab has been wonderful for me in this way however I have always been honest in my profile and when meeting partners. Your wife will know, but won’t speak about it. Dont shit on your own doorstep and be considerate about when and where you meetca partner. There are others in a similar or even exactly the same situation, or then there are partners who will prefer the fact that your choice is to meet, have fun, and move back to a home life with no hang ups. Don’t ever deny yourself it simply isn’t worth it. If you want to direct message for a chat feel free to do so (anyone similar for that matter) I’d happily discuss and maybe try to share advice.
Vapes
it’s good to know i am not the only one in such situation. all the best"
There are so many people in the same situation and unfortunately there is no easy answer. Some spouses/partners don't want sex but then expect their spouse/partner just to accept it and live without sex for the rest of their life, as they also don't want them getting sex elsewhere. That isn't fair, at all, and to that scenario there is no easy answer. One person is not going to be happy. |
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"Sorry but if you can't be honest with your partner then you can't be honest with any one even the person you having an affair with .so no it wrong 100% .And those who knowingly sleep with attached folks with no guilt deserve to be ostracized and shunned "
And be made to wear a badge. |
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