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Single swing etiquette - lengthy
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
Just a wee query really...having been clubbing and on fab as part of a couple and as a single when it has came to approaching people in a club if they've came together I've always approached them both and had a chat.
I went clubbing with a good friend of mine and yes we've played on and off during our friendship. Anyway he had nipped to the toilet and when he came back said the group of single women stood by the bar one of them approached and said "I can see you're part of a couple but my friend wants to play with you so can you or is this something you do?". He declined and came and spoke to me but I am a bit annoyed at their attitude. Never as a single fem would I dream of going behind someone's back - i would approach the couple and ask the dynamic.
It wouldn't have bothered me in the slightest had he played with her infact I'd have normally been the one to encourage it. Thatisn t the issue.... it's the underhandedness of it all. Esp as none of the single fem tribe spoke all night they just waited til he and I weren't beside each other to grab him.
Is this why singles on here get a bad reputation? |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Have heard of this from single men but not single girls, and yes it's out of order, the swinging lifestyle is all about being open and honest  xxx (R) "
That's my thinking on it! Complete transparency..... that's what sets it apart from muggle land allegedly xx |
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To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
"
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't need to be spoken to as a couple. My partner is a single entity; we don't have to, or wouldn't have to be spoken to as a unit, if we visited clubs. If someone wanted us both, then they speak to us both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't want someone asking me if the could have sex with my partner, or vice versa. I think that is rude to talk as if we own each other's sex lives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds more opportunistic to me, if he was passing and they've tried to strike up a conversation.
There are so many different dynamics of relationship in this scene that I think the best thing to do is just ask up front, and that's what they did. |
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By *olliPineCouple
over a year ago
swingers clubs |
I'm with you on this darlo.
We've had singles of both genders and couples approach us separately and find that very underhand.
Approach us both for general chat. Ask about our dynamic without necessarily asking outright. You'll get the general idea. Then if you think it's a possibility from the couples' chatter then politely all the question.
Obviously with us we only ever play together but folk in the club don't necessarily know that as they may never have read our profile or spoke to us. They'd soon know that by asking what you're off play we like/ how we like to play without seeming rude or offence by coming straight out with "can I take him of your hands" |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"Sounds more opportunistic to me, if he was passing and they've tried to strike up a conversation.
There are so many different dynamics of relationship in this scene that I think the best thing to do is just ask up front, and that's what they did. "
Had it been once kitty fair enough but not every time. The breadcrumbs offered didn't work as he felt uncomfortable and thought if with a partner then both at least chat. You know me I talk to everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think they can win either way. Ask when they're both there and if he's not allowed to fuck women his woman may go mental.
Ask him on his own and his woman gets pissed off. |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"I wouldn't need to be spoken to as a couple. My partner is a single entity; we don't have to, or wouldn't have to be spoken to as a unit, if we visited clubs. If someone wanted us both, then they speak to us both. "
We are single entities and neither have an issue over who plays with who. Just feel it's rude to not engage in conversation first |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo"
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no. |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"I don't think they can win either way. Ask when they're both there and if he's not allowed to fuck women his woman may go mental.
Ask him on his own and his woman gets pissed off. "
Then they shouldn't be swingers imo.
It's polite to ask it's no different to the ask before you touch policy in group play |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no."
He did tell her no. What was comical is when the group of women came and sat opposite us and wouldn't engage with myself or our friends and tried to gain his attention |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think they can win either way. Ask when they're both there and if he's not allowed to fuck women his woman may go mental.
Ask him on his own and his woman gets pissed off.
Then they shouldn't be swingers imo.
It's polite to ask it's no different to the ask before you touch policy in group play "
Can you dictate to people how they want to be approached? Swinging is a personal thing, not a club with rules you have to subscribe to. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't need to be spoken to as a couple. My partner is a single entity; we don't have to, or wouldn't have to be spoken to as a unit, if we visited clubs. If someone wanted us both, then they speak to us both.
We are single entities and neither have an issue over who plays with who. Just feel it's rude to not engage in conversation first "
We each have different opinions on other's behaviour. Those women wouldn't have intimidated me, even if my partner had sex with one or all of them. I might have found it amusing. I'm not really in a position to comment though, as I don't visit clubs and don't really know the layout or atmosphere of them. |
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo"
I'm not sure if the repetitive nature was clear in the OP. So that puts a different dynamic on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no.
He did tell her no. What was comical is when the group of women came and sat opposite us and wouldn't engage with myself or our friends and tried to gain his attention "
I don't think that's comical, it's incredibly rude to do that right in front of you. I would've moved away from them and if they'd carried on harrassing, possibly mentioned it to staff.
If it was a group of men doing that to a woman in a couple, surely they would have been thrown out. |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no.
He did tell her no. What was comical is when the group of women came and sat opposite us and wouldn't engage with myself or our friends and tried to gain his attention
I don't think that's comical, it's incredibly rude to do that right in front of you. I would've moved away from them and if they'd carried on harrassing, possibly mentioned it to staff.
If it was a group of men doing that to a woman in a couple, surely they would have been thrown out. "
I don't mean comical as in haha comical 8 yrs as a single on ty3 scene over 11 yrs in total and I'd never behave as they did |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no.
He did tell her no. What was comical is when the group of women came and sat opposite us and wouldn't engage with myself or our friends and tried to gain his attention
I don't think that's comical, it's incredibly rude to do that right in front of you. I would've moved away from them and if they'd carried on harrassing, possibly mentioned it to staff.
If it was a group of men doing that to a woman in a couple, surely they would have been thrown out. "
I was under the impression the one woman spoke to him and then the group were trying to catch his attention afterwards, after he declined her proposal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
If she kept on asking then yes that's fucking rude. Hope he told her no.
He did tell her no. What was comical is when the group of women came and sat opposite us and wouldn't engage with myself or our friends and tried to gain his attention
I don't think that's comical, it's incredibly rude to do that right in front of you. I would've moved away from them and if they'd carried on harrassing, possibly mentioned it to staff.
If it was a group of men doing that to a woman in a couple, surely they would have been thrown out.
I don't mean comical as in haha comical 8 yrs as a single on ty3 scene over 11 yrs in total and I'd never behave as they did"
I thought that would be amusing myself. If they had been harassing him then that wouldn't have been acceptable, and I possibly would have said something to them. I wouldn't blame her for wanting my man, but there's a line we shouldn't cross. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think women in these situations can be creepier than men. You don't know how they will react if you reject them. Club staff won't want to chuck them out as women are club bait.
If men get rejected they just get huffy and they'd get kicked out.
There's been threads where people have said they've been touched by women and no-one does anything 'because it's expected'. |
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By *arlo82 OP Woman
over a year ago
the gym and random places |
"I wouldn't need to be spoken to as a couple. My partner is a single entity; we don't have to, or wouldn't have to be spoken to as a unit, if we visited clubs. If someone wanted us both, then they speak to us both.
We are single entities and neither have an issue over who plays with who. Just feel it's rude to not engage in conversation first
We each have different opinions on other's behaviour. Those women wouldn't have intimidated me, even if my partner had sex with one or all of them. I might have found it amusing. I'm not really in a position to comment though, as I don't visit clubs and don't really know the layout or atmosphere of them."
They didn't intimidate me and he knew if he wanted he could have played. I thought they were rude |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think women in these situations can be creepier than men. You don't know how they will react if you reject them. Club staff won't want to chuck them out as women are club bait.
If men get rejected they just get huffy and they'd get kicked out.
There's been threads where people have said they've been touched by women and no-one does anything 'because it's expected'. "
Whenever I’m giving a tour to new people at Townhouse, I make it clear that the ‘no means no’ policy applies to men & women and anyone breaching it will be asked to leave. Doesn’t matter who they are!!
And regarding the original question, I find it totally rude if someone directs conversation to one of us if we are together ... regardless whether that’s in a message on Fab or in person. We do play separately, but it’s just common courtesy if someone is in a couple to have a conversation with both if you want to arrange play. If I’m in a club as a single female, I would never play with the male half of a couple unless I knew the female half was fine with it. It’s just basic good manners IMO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If someone wanted to play with my husband and not me, I would prefer them to have that conversation with him in private. I would be extremely uncomfortable if she had asked both of us, do would not have welcomed that approach. Unfortunately it’s not possible to know what is the most sensitive way of approaching a situation, because what some people consider rude would be the preferred and more comfortable option to others.
Mrs |
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"To be fair maybe she asked as she was unsure of the reaction of asking in front of you.
It may have been positive, but she does not know you. The reaction could have been nasty.
It would be underhand if she tried to grab him or suggest that they have a quick fuck before he went back to you. She asked if it was possible and got an answer without the possibility of offending the other partner.
If a gentleman asked the wife to play whilst I was not around it would be for the wife to set the ground rules, I could understand that asking to split a couple maybe a scary thing to do and that it maybe easier to broach the subject with one but not the other.
I still find it bad craic. Ask in front of both the dynamic. Every time he and I were away from each other she tried which in my mind is rude. Nothing to stop them joining in our conversation as we were sat with others. Had they done so play may have been on the cards, however it has put him off somewhat.
Open and transparent..... we're swingers there's no need for it imo
I'm not sure if the repetitive nature was clear in the OP. So that puts a different dynamic on it "
Yep, that “swings” it for me - asking once is just one of those things - the repeat stuff is poor etiquette and frankly rude. He had said no, and no means no...
Twat (me not anyone else mods) |
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"If someone wanted to play with my husband and not me, I would prefer them to have that conversation with him in private. I would be extremely uncomfortable if she had asked both of us, do would not have welcomed that approach. Unfortunately it’s not possible to know what is the most sensitive way of approaching a situation, because what some people consider rude would be the preferred and more comfortable option to others.
Mrs"
But would you expect that person to have had a social conversation with you both first? I would never play with someone unless I’d chatted socially & hit it off. If they were part of a couple, I’d have chatted with both & in conversation, you find out what people’s dynamic is & go from there.
I think the valuable point here is that asking once can be construed as a simply a difference in how people approach others - but repeatedly asking him or trying to get his attention away from the group he was with is downright rude & shouldn’t be tolerated in a club from either men or women!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone wanted to play with my husband and not me, I would prefer them to have that conversation with him in private. I would be extremely uncomfortable if she had asked both of us, do would not have welcomed that approach. Unfortunately it’s not possible to know what is the most sensitive way of approaching a situation, because what some people consider rude would be the preferred and more comfortable option to others.
Mrs
But would you expect that person to have had a social conversation with you both first? I would never play with someone unless I’d chatted socially & hit it off. If they were part of a couple, I’d have chatted with both & in conversation, you find out what people’s dynamic is & go from there.
I think the valuable point here is that asking once can be construed as a simply a difference in how people approach others - but repeatedly asking him or trying to get his attention away from the group he was with is downright rude & shouldn’t be tolerated in a club from either men or women!!"
If that person just wants him and not me, i would not fussed if there is no social conversation with both of us first. But that’s just me. Yes I agree repeatedly asking is out of order when ‘no’ has been said. That would be the case whether I was present or absent for the conversation.
Mrs |
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It’s genuinely fascinating how differently we all see it! I’d never thought much about it before - but I would take it as rude if someone wasn’t prepared to engage us as a couple first.
I’ll definitely be more aware of it going forward though!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s genuinely fascinating how differently we all see it! I’d never thought much about it before - but I would take it as rude if someone wasn’t prepared to engage us as a couple first.
I’ll definitely be more aware of it going forward though! "
Personally I wouldn’t risk trying for one part of a couple. We’ve wanted too in the past, but wouldn’t. But I don’t mind if someone does with us. If a man approached me separately (which happens a lot) and I wanted to pursue it, my husband would want to be introduced to him. But the onus is on me to sort that.
Mrs |
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By *ust4fun26Couple
over a year ago
West Yorkshire |
We once had a couple approach us in a club and ask one of us if we would like to join them in a room, it was really odd almost as though there weren’t two of us stood there, they got a polite no thank you.
Still not sure why that was thought to be acceptable. |
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"We once had a couple approach us in a club and ask one of us if we would like to join them in a room, it was really odd almost as though there weren’t two of us stood there, they got a polite no thank you.
Still not sure why that was thought to be acceptable. "
You see I'd be fine with that, so it just goes to show its not always the message offends. |
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