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Body positivity - I need some tips
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
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25 years ago I had zero confidence. I thought I was ugly, and believed no girl would ever be interested. I would stay indoors or shuffle down the street looking down at my shoes.
One day I made a deal with myself. I would walk down the street looking ahead, and smile at the first person I saw.
The first person I saw was a gorgeous young blonde woman. I was shaking, but I held me nerve and gave a little smile as she approached walking towards me.
And you know what? She smiled back. And though we never spoke, so she has no idea, that one moment helped me realise that the world mostly doesn't bite. People generally are nice.
Within months my confidence shot up, I had my first sexual experience and the rest is history.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me and a few girls from work used to take two minutes in the morning to look in the mirror and compliment two things about our appearance. On days we were struggling (you couldn’t repeat a compliment in a week!) it would be ‘my ears look good today!’ But we all felt so much better about ourselves, and it really did help me, as daft as it sounds xxx |
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"Yes. It's got me up mountains and borne two children. Maybe need to think about that some more. Thanks."
Then go you! Your body has achieved some amazing things and will achieve more.
People can tell you this and that about how you look but ultimately it's all about how you see yourself.
The book Rise Sister Rise talks about looking in the mirror every day and finding something, no matter how tiny, that you like. I've never tried it but maybe something else to try? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've done work on self image and building up my self esteem in the past (because it was absolutely rock bottom). I'm never ever going to be arrogant, but I know when I'm feeling stressed/overwhelmed by things my internal bitch gets going again so it's something I have to be mindful of.
Daily affirmations are a really good start. You feel like a complete tit to start with, but as you keep doing it you start to feel less silly. So the idea is you look in the mirror and pick up something you really like about your body. It could literally be an ear lobe! Don't allow any negativity in, really look at that one area and *own* your appreciation of it. Add another area each day. When you start to get to the areas you're not as keen on you can just work on acceptance, rather than admiration maybe.
One thing that really helped me was discovering my own taste in women is for fuller figured ladies. Once I'd discovered that it was a game changer. I knew then that people are genuine when they say their preference is for a full figure, and not just making it up for a chance at a fuck (well, some might be, but they're usually easy to spot). I think the most important part is trying to get to the stage of accepting/liking your own body though so it genuinely doesn't matter what other people's preferences are.xx
P.S. I know you weren't asking for this, but you're hot  just saying  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had body issues until a few years ago. hated my flat bum. my wobbly bits. and then I started looking for the bits I do like. my legs are good. my eyes are nice. I'm not going grey and don't have any wrinkles or stretch marks.
and I realised that I'm a mum. and that for my age I look ok. can't say I love what I see in the mirror but it's ok. I look better than some 20 year olds |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Yes. It's got me up mountains and borne two children. Maybe need to think about that some more. Thanks.
Then go you! Your body has achieved some amazing things and will achieve more.
People can tell you this and that about how you look but ultimately it's all about how you see yourself.
The book Rise Sister Rise talks about looking in the mirror every day and finding something, no matter how tiny, that you like. I've never tried it but maybe something else to try? "
Thanks. I'll check out the book too. It's affecting my meets and a lack of confidence isn't sexy. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've done work on self image and building up my self esteem in the past (because it was absolutely rock bottom). I'm never ever going to be arrogant, but I know when I'm feeling stressed/overwhelmed by things my internal bitch gets going again so it's something I have to be mindful of.
Daily affirmations are a really good start. You feel like a complete tit to start with, but as you keep doing it you start to feel less silly. So the idea is you look in the mirror and pick up something you really like about your body. It could literally be an ear lobe! Don't allow any negativity in, really look at that one area and *own* your appreciation of it. Add another area each day. When you start to get to the areas you're not as keen on you can just work on acceptance, rather than admiration maybe.
One thing that really helped me was discovering my own taste in women is for fuller figured ladies. Once I'd discovered that it was a game changer. I knew then that people are genuine when they say their preference is for a full figure, and not just making it up for a chance at a fuck (well, some might be, but they're usually easy to spot). I think the most important part is trying to get to the stage of accepting/liking your own body though so it genuinely doesn't matter what other people's preferences are.xx
P.S. I know you weren't asking for this, but you're hot just saying xx"
That is an incredibly helpful post, thank you. I've been enjoying your contributions on the forums. I hear what you say about feeling like a tit. I'm not good at standing in front of a mirror and totally rubbish at saying nice things about myself. It'll take a lot of practice!
And lady, you are hot too... Great profile. |
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"Yes. It's got me up mountains and borne two children. Maybe need to think about that some more. Thanks.
Then go you! Your body has achieved some amazing things and will achieve more.
People can tell you this and that about how you look but ultimately it's all about how you see yourself.
The book Rise Sister Rise talks about looking in the mirror every day and finding something, no matter how tiny, that you like. I've never tried it but maybe something else to try?
Thanks. I'll check out the book too. It's affecting my meets and a lack of confidence isn't sexy."
Try If Women Rose Rooted to look at how we see ourselves and Burning Woman - that one's about looking the roles society has given us and saying no ta, I'm me and I fucking love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its easy to say but confidence needs a boost or a spark, either an external charge or an internal one.
The internal boost is the best one because you are in control and you can replicate that next time you feel low.
Start with small things like being more outwardly open and flirty...
Say things like... hello handsome, thank you gorgeous etc to people who serve you in pubs petrol station post office etc....
If they smile.. they think you are attractive enough to appreciate the flirt... then walk of with a little grin xx
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As pippin said daily affirmations really help. I had terrible self esteem issues growing up and still go through periods of it. For me one of the biggest things that helped was to stop the internal dialog where I would look at myself and be putting my self down. Once you consciously try to stop it you may notice how often it happens and by trying to catch myself before I said it helped.
I dont mean I stood talking to myself but hopefully you know what I mean.
We are all our own biggest critics
You have a beautiful figure if you could see you figure as others do youd have an ego boost right away but I know its more about how you see yourself and the daily positive comments and trying to stop your negative inner voice - you wouldnt let someone else speak to you the way we sometimes chastise ourselves so dont let yourself.
Im rambling now but hopefully its a little helpful x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All good tips so far.
Another to try is to get rid of mirrors in your house. Stop looking at your body and visually judging it and start to feel it. Really feel it. Soft, smooth, textured, sensitive, warm, jiggly - feeling your body rather than seeing it. Feel the pleasure it can give you so it feels like you rather than this thing you look at and judge in a mirror.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've done work on self image and building up my self esteem in the past (because it was absolutely rock bottom). I'm never ever going to be arrogant, but I know when I'm feeling stressed/overwhelmed by things my internal bitch gets going again so it's something I have to be mindful of.
Daily affirmations are a really good start. You feel like a complete tit to start with, but as you keep doing it you start to feel less silly. So the idea is you look in the mirror and pick up something you really like about your body. It could literally be an ear lobe! Don't allow any negativity in, really look at that one area and *own* your appreciation of it. Add another area each day. When you start to get to the areas you're not as keen on you can just work on acceptance, rather than admiration maybe.
One thing that really helped me was discovering my own taste in women is for fuller figured ladies. Once I'd discovered that it was a game changer. I knew then that people are genuine when they say their preference is for a full figure, and not just making it up for a chance at a fuck (well, some might be, but they're usually easy to spot). I think the most important part is trying to get to the stage of accepting/liking your own body though so it genuinely doesn't matter what other people's preferences are.xx
P.S. I know you weren't asking for this, but you're hot just saying xx
That is an incredibly helpful post, thank you. I've been enjoying your contributions on the forums. I hear what you say about feeling like a tit. I'm not good at standing in front of a mirror and totally rubbish at saying nice things about myself. It'll take a lot of practice!
And lady, you are hot too... Great profile."
Ah bless you, thank you  and yep, I don't make a habit of standing in front of a mirror much either lol, it's pretty unnatural for me so I totally hear you!xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All good tips so far.
Another to try is to get rid of mirrors in your house. Stop looking at your body and visually judging it and start to feel it. Really feel it. Soft, smooth, textured, sensitive, warm, jiggly - feeling your body rather than seeing it. Feel the pleasure it can give you so it feels like you rather than this thing you look at and judge in a mirror.
"
This is great  I used to hate my mummy tummy, now it's quite a stress reliever to sit and squish it haha!  xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've only recently started taking pics of myself and, although I don't have the best body or biggest gentleman parts, I'm happy with what I have and you should be too  "
You have a lovely body and very nice bum and your sparkly cock pic made me laugh.
And thank you. I might ask a friend to take some nice pics to boost me a bit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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High heels and well fitting underwear make a world of difference.
But for the most part I take a don't give a shit attitude. I send plenty of body pics before meets so they know what they're getting. If they still want to meet then they must be interested, so go enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Me and a few girls from work used to take two minutes in the morning to look in the mirror and compliment two things about our appearance. On days we were struggling (you couldn’t repeat a compliment in a week!) it would be ‘my ears look good today!’ But we all felt so much better about ourselves, and it really did help me, as daft as it sounds xxx"
That sounds like a great idea.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Luxury body scrub, lotion, body oil. Get your skin soft. Spend time grooming, relax and wear a decent bra.
There will always be someone fitter or heavier.
But there's only one you... Embrace it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
What changed at Christmas? You don't have to answer on the thread if you don't want to, just asking in case there was something that happened to make you feel this way.
Have you read your verifications lately? Can you remember all the times that a man looked at you with lust in his eyes and just wanted to fuck you senseless?!
Remember all the good times such as these, and all compliments you've had. Remember how good you felt.
Hopefully that will start to make you feel more positive. |
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"I've only recently started taking pics of myself and, although I don't have the best body or biggest gentleman parts, I'm happy with what I have and you should be too
You have a lovely body and very nice bum and your sparkly cock pic made me laugh.
And thank you. I might ask a friend to take some nice pics to boost me a bit."
Thank you. You definitely should and we look forward to hearing/seeing the results x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had to go on a bit of a goddess journey with myself a few years ago. Get naked in front of the mirror as much as you can. Learn to love every part of you xxx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I've just come back to this to see some wonderful helpful posts. Thank you so much for your comments. I love the phrase 'goddess journey'. Going to start my goddess journey this weekend.. |
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"25 years ago I had zero confidence. I thought I was ugly, and believed no girl would ever be interested. I would stay indoors or shuffle down the street looking down at my shoes.
One day I made a deal with myself. I would walk down the street looking ahead, and smile at the first person I saw.
The first person I saw was a gorgeous young blonde woman. I was shaking, but I held me nerve and gave a little smile as she approached walking towards me.
And you know what? She smiled back. And though we never spoke, so she has no idea, that one moment helped me realise that the world mostly doesn't bite. People generally are nice.
Within months my confidence shot up, I had my first sexual experience and the rest is history.... "
I like it |
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By *inkvaderMan
over a year ago
london/manchester/ringwood |
"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
Dancing!!! It gets the old mojo back .. good all rounder... music... happy hormones ... happy you.. happy equates to you being posotive.. positive you means you radiate back and give off you're mojo vibe   |
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By *inkvaderMan
over a year ago
london/manchester/ringwood |
"25 years ago I had zero confidence. I thought I was ugly, and believed no girl would ever be interested. I would stay indoors or shuffle down the street looking down at my shoes.
One day I made a deal with myself. I would walk down the street looking ahead, and smile at the first person I saw.
The first person I saw was a gorgeous young blonde woman. I was shaking, but I held me nerve and gave a little smile as she approached walking towards me.
And you know what? She smiled back. And though we never spoke, so she has no idea, that one moment helped me realise that the world mostly doesn't bite. People generally are nice.
Within months my confidence shot up, I had my first sexual experience and the rest is history....
I like it "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you. "
Essentially, take time. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you.
Essentially, take time. "
It's decent advice and I appreciate it, but I need some external resources right now. I've been drawing off my own resources for some time and they need replenishing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you.
Essentially, take time.
It's decent advice and I appreciate it, but I need some external resources right now. I've been drawing off my own resources for some time and they need replenishing."
I've no idea what that means. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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" Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you.
Essentially, take time.
It's decent advice and I appreciate it, but I need some external resources right now. I've been drawing off my own resources for some time and they need replenishing.
I've no idea what that means. "
Sometimes you can't just get happy from within. Sometimes you need some positivity reflected back from somewhere else. Does that make more sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Take a break from fab as you'll end up comparing yourself with others. Learn to be happy with you. That comes from within. Not from anything others can give you.
Essentially, take time.
It's decent advice and I appreciate it, but I need some external resources right now. I've been drawing off my own resources for some time and they need replenishing.
I've no idea what that means.
Sometimes you can't just get happy from within. Sometimes you need some positivity reflected back from somewhere else. Does that make more sense?"
So you want people to blow smoke up your arse? Why didn't you say. There are plenty on here that will say anything. I don't see how that helps long term, but if a temporary boost is what you're after there are many that will oblige. |
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I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good. "
Yes! It really does. I've been doing zumba recently. I never thought I'd enjoy exercise but I feel so much more positive now. |
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good.
Yes! It really does. I've been doing zumba recently. I never thought I'd enjoy exercise but I feel so much more positive now. "
We try and swim three or four morning's a week. If I wake up feeling really cantankerous (that'd be every day then) I always feel better after a swim. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good.
Yes! It really does. I've been doing zumba recently. I never thought I'd enjoy exercise but I feel so much more positive now. "
And I felt really miserable with myself until I lost 2 stone. It really really helps to feel happy about yourself. That's all I'm saying now as I'm not helping. I know nothing having been there and done it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
So you want people to blow smoke up your arse? Why didn't you say. There are plenty on here that will say anything. I don't see how that helps long term, but if a temporary boost is what you're after there are many that will oblige. "
Well obviously not - see original post. More like resources, ideas, books, websites, other people's experiences. External resources - as originally stated. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good. "
Yep. Pilates booked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So you want people to blow smoke up your arse? Why didn't you say. There are plenty on here that will say anything. I don't see how that helps long term, but if a temporary boost is what you're after there are many that will oblige.
Well obviously not - see original post. More like resources, ideas, books, websites, other people's experiences. External resources - as originally stated."
Ooh ok. Well good luck if you think that will work. I just changed what was making me down. I didn't read anything about it...I just did it  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
So you want people to blow smoke up your arse? Why didn't you say. There are plenty on here that will say anything. I don't see how that helps long term, but if a temporary boost is what you're after there are many that will oblige.
Well obviously not - see original post. More like resources, ideas, books, websites, other people's experiences. External resources - as originally stated.
Ooh ok. Well good luck if you think that will work. I just changed what was making me down. I didn't read anything about it...I just did it "
Different strokes..
Really not sure why it's making you so unhappy that two people have different approaches to this.. |
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good.
Yep. Pilates booked."
I do a combination of yoga and pilates called in an inspired piece of thinking Yogalates . I only do it when we can't get to the swimming pool but it's easy to do at home with a DVD. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
So you want people to blow smoke up your arse? Why didn't you say. There are plenty on here that will say anything. I don't see how that helps long term, but if a temporary boost is what you're after there are many that will oblige.
Well obviously not - see original post. More like resources, ideas, books, websites, other people's experiences. External resources - as originally stated.
Ooh ok. Well good luck if you think that will work. I just changed what was making me down. I didn't read anything about it...I just did it
Different strokes..
Really not sure why it's making you so unhappy that two people have different approaches to this.."
Ha ha ha I'm not unhappy. I just wished you luck with your reading |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good.
Yep. Pilates booked.
I do a combination of yoga and pilates called in an inspired piece of thinking Yogalates . I only do it when we can't get to the swimming pool but it's easy to do at home with a DVD."
Will check it out. Do boobs and bellies get in the way? That's always my issue with yoga. |
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"I know you don't want to be told to exercise but it helps. I don't mean committing to a huge gym routine or anything like that but some gentle yoga combined with a walk two or three times a week genuinely does make you feel good.
Yep. Pilates booked.
I do a combination of yoga and pilates called in an inspired piece of thinking Yogalates . I only do it when we can't get to the swimming pool but it's easy to do at home with a DVD.
Will check it out. Do boobs and bellies get in the way? That's always my issue with yoga."
Not that I've noticed |
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By *oo hotCouple
over a year ago
North West |
"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
Sounds like you need a plan. I know you said that it is not what you want but I would suggest that you buy a set of scales, write down your weight and make a reasonable weight loss plan to get you where you want to be. This WILL have to involve, walking, exercising and modifying your diet but once your weight starts to reduce you will absolutely regain your confidence and realise that you can change anything that you want to change.
Aim to lose 1kg in your first week and .5kg - 1kg moving forwards. You will feel healthier anyway by walking instead of driving or taking the bus. You just need to take control and the first step is to be honest with yourself about where you are and where you want to be.
By the way, an Apple Watch or a fit bit will be a great help. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
Looking at your pics you are absolutely fine.
We all have lack of body confidence from time to time. As we get older everything starts to go south and to be honest there's not a lot we can do about it.
You still look very sexy.
Why not just enjoy what you have as I'm sure plenty of guy's out there will enjoy you too .
Go get em girl |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Look at your body in the mirror and concentrate on the good things.
That's what I do.
I also dress in a way to 'show off' my good parts, focus on the bum usually takes focus off the belly
Self confidence is a long journey but totally worth it when you get there x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thank you for the positive comments and suggestions. A night with a very horny man has helped restore some self belief. The 'goddess journey' starts next week! |
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"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
Hey gorgeous
I’ve been in same position and know how debilitating having these thoughts can be. I ended up hospitalised for it a number of years ago
What I learnt there is that those who struggle with poor self image will always have those thoughts, BUT the biggest lesson I learnt was that generally how we view ourselves is NOT how others see us. I was adamant that because I felt as ugly as sin then everyone else must feel that too. My therapist worked with me to dispel that notion. As another post mentioned, I was told to stop hanging my head and never looking at people, hold your head up and smile and guess what, it WORKS. People respond positively to a smile and in turn that makes us feel better
Yep it’s hard somedays and yes sites like this can be murder for those of us more prone to periods of negative self image but most people are decent people.
You look and sound great to me. Sending you a huge hug.
The world is yours so go and grab it and don’t take no for an answer. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
Hey you...
Gurdjieff talks about three brained humans.
Each of the brains are in competition with each other, should one be dominant it will be to the detriment of the others.
The first brain is intellectual: if your intellect side is dominant it will effect you physical side, could make you geeky thin or even diametrically opposite.
It will also effect your emotional side, you will over think things instead of letting your emotions free range. Relationships become hard.
If your physical brain is dominant, it could effect your intellectual thinking ( just thinki of some footballers).
It could effect your emotional thinking as often you become self obsessed on self and inward thinking.
If your emotional brain becomes dominant, it will effect your physical side, you might stop eating, become obsessive about your body.
It will effect your intellectual side, you might do irrational silly things (I remember skinny dipping with L in a very cold river in November).
You just need to create a balance between the three brains.
We have talked in the past, I suspect you already know which brain you need to tone down.
You are great fun, loved chatting, be you, you are worth it!! I
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I'm a bbw and an above knee amputee of 24 years. I made the decision years ago that I wasn't going to let anyone else make me feel bad about myself. Couldn't grow another leg so if I couldn't handle it how could I expect others to do it. I personally believe losing my leg actually gave me my confidence. This is me and if people don't like what they see whatever their reasons that is their choice and I wish them well in life.
You've have to learn to love who you are and all your lumps and bumps. Being a single parent I rarely get time to myself but when I do I'll have a pamper session, do my hair, make-up, wear my lingerie, I take pics, I do it for me, not for anyone else. I show myself that I'm more than a mum, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I show myself that I'm me |
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"25 years ago I had zero confidence. I thought I was ugly, and believed no girl would ever be interested. I would stay indoors or shuffle down the street looking down at my shoes.
One day I made a deal with myself. I would walk down the street looking ahead, and smile at the first person I saw.
The first person I saw was a gorgeous young blonde woman. I was shaking, but I held me nerve and gave a little smile as she approached walking towards me.
And you know what? She smiled back. And though we never spoke, so she has no idea, that one moment helped me realise that the world mostly doesn't bite. People generally are nice.
Within months my confidence shot up, I had my first sexual experience and the rest is history.... "
It's that sort of real experience that brings me to the fabs forum - brings a refreshed feeling about everything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I used to get the odd insecurity attack, usually straight after getting my kit off in front of a woman for the first time. I'm pretty hairy and know it's not everyone's cup of tea. I was focusing more on trying to conceal it than working what I have and letting the confidence ooze out naturally.
It took one amazing meet to turn this around. The sex was so fiery, passionate, hard, she was so filthy and vocal, it totally liberated me and I haven't looked back since |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try reading "The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters ... it talks about the inner chimp we all have which always tries to be negative. Some great ideas on how to recognise and deal with our chimp!
And remember that we shouldn't presume how others see us ... that's not our job. People see things we don't. We may think we look unattractive while someone else sees us as a beautiful person. Who are we to argue?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm reading this thread with interest as I have struggled with body image all my life.
I have got to the point now where I am heavier and older (obviously  ) than ever and I actually give less fucks!
I think it's because I deal with a lot of elderly people at work and realise that I will regret hating myself in 20 years.
I already regret hating my 20yr old body!!
All those years wasted.
I want to love my 40 something year old body and not be ashamed of it.
I want to have as much fun as possible before it's not possible.
x
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have major body hang ups, my profile pic took some doing and putting up..it's my most fabbed pic which means nothing to me if I'm honest but obviously can't be that bad of a pic for people to like it. |
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Not easy I know, but for me it's about the things I achieve on a daily basis that give me confidence, rather than the way I look. Personal positivity makes us way more attractive to others than just how perfect our bodies may seem.
I'm a shortarse, but got Ill a few years back and lost all my hair rapidly, which was very hard to deal with in terms of self image, so I completely get where you're coming from. We can either feel crap about ourselves, which tends to reflect in how we portray ourselves to the world, or we can look for little victories in everyday things that build self esteem from the feeling we get and the reaction of others to our little wins. We then feel much better about ourselves and that reflects even more to everyone else. I'm still a shortarse and I'm still bald, but most of the time I'm pretty confident and happy go lucky in life - and I notice in the way others feed off that. I've been told I inspire others, which is the most amazing feeling and reaffirms how I feel about myself. It's an upward spiral most of the time. YOU can do that, trust me! Happy if you need a chat anytime by the way - no strings! (Unless you like it!  )............and good luck! Go girl!!! Xx |
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"I've done work on self image and building up my self esteem in the past (because it was absolutely rock bottom). I'm never ever going to be arrogant, but I know when I'm feeling stressed/overwhelmed by things my internal bitch gets going again so it's something I have to be mindful of.
Daily affirmations are a really good start. You feel like a complete tit to start with, but as you keep doing it you start to feel less silly. So the idea is you look in the mirror and pick up something you really like about your body. It could literally be an ear lobe! Don't allow any negativity in, really look at that one area and *own* your appreciation of it. Add another area each day. When you start to get to the areas you're not as keen on you can just work on acceptance, rather than admiration maybe.
One thing that really helped me was discovering my own taste in women is for fuller figured ladies. Once I'd discovered that it was a game changer. I knew then that people are genuine when they say their preference is for a full figure, and not just making it up for a chance at a fuck (well, some might be, but they're usually easy to spot). I think the most important part is trying to get to the stage of accepting/liking your own body though so it genuinely doesn't matter what other people's preferences are.xx
P.S. I know you weren't asking for this, but you're hot just saying xx"
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Try reading "The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters ... it talks about the inner chimp we all have which always tries to be negative. Some great ideas on how to recognise and deal with our chimp!
And remember that we shouldn't presume how others see us ... that's not our job. People see things we don't. We may think we look unattractive while someone else sees us as a beautiful person. Who are we to argue?!"
|
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By *hingy2Woman
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"Not easy I know, but for me it's about the things I achieve on a daily basis that give me confidence, rather than the way I look. Personal positivity makes us way more attractive to others than just how perfect our bodies may seem.
I'm a shortarse, but got Ill a few years back and lost all my hair rapidly, which was very hard to deal with in terms of self image, so I completely get where you're coming from. We can either feel crap about ourselves, which tends to reflect in how we portray ourselves to the world, or we can look for little victories in everyday things that build self esteem from the feeling we get and the reaction of others to our little wins. We then feel much better about ourselves and that reflects even more to everyone else. I'm still a shortarse and I'm still bald, but most of the time I'm pretty confident and happy go lucky in life - and I notice in the way others feed off that. I've been told I inspire others, which is the most amazing feeling and reaffirms how I feel about myself. It's an upward spiral most of the time. YOU can do that, trust me! Happy if you need a chat anytime by the way - no strings! (Unless you like it! )............and good luck! Go girl!!! Xx"
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"Try reading "The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters ... it talks about the inner chimp we all have which always tries to be negative. Some great ideas on how to recognise and deal with our chimp!
And remember that we shouldn't presume how others see us ... that's not our job. People see things we don't. We may think we look unattractive while someone else sees us as a beautiful person. Who are we to argue?!
"
That's so true! Good call! |
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"I'm a bbw and an above knee amputee of 24 years. I made the decision years ago that I wasn't going to let anyone else make me feel bad about myself. Couldn't grow another leg so if I couldn't handle it how could I expect others to do it. I personally believe losing my leg actually gave me my confidence. This is me and if people don't like what they see whatever their reasons that is their choice and I wish them well in life.
You've have to learn to love who you are and all your lumps and bumps. Being a single parent I rarely get time to myself but when I do I'll have a pamper session, do my hair, make-up, wear my lingerie, I take pics, I do it for me, not for anyone else. I show myself that I'm more than a mum, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I show myself that I'm me "
Bravo! That's EXACTLY the way we should all be approaching this. Everyone has their hang-ups and imperfections. We see them more than others most of the time in truth. |
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"
I already regret hating my 20yr old body!!
All those years wasted.
I want to love my 40 something year old body and not be ashamed of it.
I want to have as much fun as possible before it's not possible.
x
"
I meet so many people who say that they wasted decades not doing things they enjoy because they hated the way they looked and projected that onto self loathing.
It's not easy, but if we can look beyond current Western societal norms and all be ourselves.... We'd likely all be happier whatever size or shape we are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Uch we all don't like ourselves at some point. Get a tan done...buy a new outfit...get your hair blow dried and go out drinking with friends. You'll feel a million dollars. If that doesn't work well you have nice teeth x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I already regret hating my 20yr old body!!
All those years wasted.
I want to love my 40 something year old body and not be ashamed of it.
I want to have as much fun as possible before it's not possible.
x
I meet so many people who say that they wasted decades not doing things they enjoy because they hated the way they looked and projected that onto self loathing.
It's not easy, but if we can look beyond current Western societal norms and all be ourselves.... We'd likely all be happier whatever size or shape we are. "
I love this.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Try reading "The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters ... it talks about the inner chimp we all have which always tries to be negative. Some great ideas on how to recognise and deal with our chimp!
And remember that we shouldn't presume how others see us ... that's not our job. People see things we don't. We may think we look unattractive while someone else sees us as a beautiful person. Who are we to argue?!"
ahhhh |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I've really been struggling with body positivity since Christmas and I've cancelled meets as a result.
I'm not looking for compliments or 'helpful hints' like 'get exercising and eat less you fat bitch', but I would appreciate any tips fellow fabbers have on working their curves or feeling more positive about their body.
At the moments it's a self-reinforcing spiral. I'm down and mainlining carbs, which gets me down so. ...
"
I’m not sure what to suggest to help but I just want you to know that you aren’t alone..
I feel this way and haven’t met for some time for the same reasons.
Maybe, at the end of everyday.. tell yourself just one thing that you love about yourself (eve if it’s not physical) maybe even wrote them in a book, and when you’re feeling low about it, being your book out and read just how amazing you are |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm a bbw and an above knee amputee of 24 years. I made the decision years ago that I wasn't going to let anyone else make me feel bad about myself. Couldn't grow another leg so if I couldn't handle it how could I expect others to do it. I personally believe losing my leg actually gave me my confidence. This is me and if people don't like what they see whatever their reasons that is their choice and I wish them well in life.
You've have to learn to love who you are and all your lumps and bumps. Being a single parent I rarely get time to myself but when I do I'll have a pamper session, do my hair, make-up, wear my lingerie, I take pics, I do it for me, not for anyone else. I show myself that I'm more than a mum, a sister, a daughter, a friend. I show myself that I'm me "
Love this, and thank you. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I used to get the odd insecurity attack, usually straight after getting my kit off in front of a woman for the first time. I'm pretty hairy and know it's not everyone's cup of tea. I was focusing more on trying to conceal it than working what I have and letting the confidence ooze out naturally.
It took one amazing meet to turn this around. The sex was so fiery, passionate, hard, she was so filthy and vocal, it totally liberated me and I haven't looked back since "
Funny - I love your kind of hairy and your top pic is one of the hottest I’ve seen for a while. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Try reading "The Chimp Paradox' by Steve Peters ... it talks about the inner chimp we all have which always tries to be negative. Some great ideas on how to recognise and deal with our chimp!
And remember that we shouldn't presume how others see us ... that's not our job. People see things we don't. We may think we look unattractive while someone else sees us as a beautiful person. Who are we to argue?!"
Checking this out and am trying to take your second point on board thank you! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just revisited this after a short break from the site and really wanted to thank fabbers for the positive contributions and ideas. I hope others find this thread useful too. |
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