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Domme experience
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We've recently come back to fab after a little break and have turned up the heat a little. I've always had a slightly dominant side (but do switch) and looking to improve on my skills in that area. However, i do have a fear of not being good enough for the other person. Is this normal? Is it just experience I need to get rid of that? Still always have nerves before a meet, which I think is a good thing, but how do others get into that mindset?
Leia |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I think its a normal worry....if you get into the moment and see their mind and body reacting to you....it passes quickly each time.
There is no as scale of good, bad and good enough, and everybody is completely individual, so it literally is just about finding areas that work really well for both of you and delving into that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx  "
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop! |
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"I think its a normal worry....if you get into the moment and see their mind and body reacting to you....it passes quickly each time.
There is no as scale of good, bad and good enough, and everybody is completely individual, so it literally is just about finding areas that work really well for both of you and delving into that."
I suppose it is about learning about the other person. I know it's hard to get the perfect dynamic and repeated meets with the same person can make a difference too. I think sometimes I let my nerves get to me and I doubt myself, I do that in 'normal' life too. Ive practiced on hubby and I really enjoy it, so does he, so it's possibly just stage fright! Ive been dominant with women more than men but the goal is to get a nice guy to please me and practise on. |
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"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop! "
Oh dear. How could she miss that? Lol x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop!
Oh dear. How could she miss that? Lol x"
Kept hitting my bollocks instead of my ass, I had to take it off her and say that’s enough now! |
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"We've recently come back to fab after a little break and have turned up the heat a little. I've always had a slightly dominant side (but do switch) and looking to improve on my skills in that area. However, i do have a fear of not being good enough for the other person. Is this normal? Is it just experience I need to get rid of that? Still always have nerves before a meet, which I think is a good thing, but how do others get into that mindset?
Leia "
Well like many others I would happily be your practice subject xx |
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"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop! "
How can she be?? A riding crop is a fairly solid item. You have to work harder to make it miss. Should just be an extension of your arm. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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it shouldn't really matter about inexperience as the sub is there to be used. subs can also be nervous as each meet is different and you never know what to expect. at the end of the day the more you domme the more you learn. in an ideal world I would love to meet a female domme or couple for regular meets where boundaries can be pushed and trust respected. good luck  |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"We've recently come back to fab after a little break and have turned up the heat a little. I've always had a slightly dominant side (but do switch) and looking to improve on my skills in that area. However, i do have a fear of not being good enough for the other person. Is this normal? Is it just experience I need to get rid of that? Still always have nerves before a meet, which I think is a good thing, but how do others get into that mindset?
Leia "
examine your style, dont take on more than you know to begin with. choose wisely those you Domme with, make sure they match you in preferences. be responsible, also have and use a safe word and negotiate scenes beforehand so you can think plan it out before going onto dynamics. go learn rope or techniques at munches and events aimed for fet users. take it slow and remember safe sane and consensual and if you've never been a sub, consider trying it with some experienced mentors/ play partners, it will make you a better Domme x |
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By *uzy444Woman
over a year ago
in the suffolk countryside |
"it shouldn't really matter about inexperience as the sub is there to be used. subs can also be nervous as each meet is different and you never know what to expect. at the end of the day the more you domme the more you learn. in an ideal world I would love to meet a female domme or couple for regular meets where boundaries can be pushed and trust respected. good luck "
the Dom/ Domme is there to create a structure for the submissive, 'being used' is more a slave thing and has serious responsibilities behind it.The Dominant is responsible for the mental, emotional and physical welfare of their charge, otherwise its just an excuse for abuse. Safe sane and consensual. because even consensual non consent is the submissive choice. shes not ready for such a dynamic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Don't start with whips, chains and all that cliché stuff that everyone assumes you'll want.
Build up and find you're own style. Once you're comfortable with that you're likely going to be able to blow a few minds fairly easily..
|
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We're looking at attending some more specialised nights and munches to get some tips and chat to others about their experiences. I'm not ready to go full into a meet with a sub I don't know. Having been a sub to a more experienced dom I know how much trust is involved. |
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"Don't start with whips, chains and all that cliché stuff that everyone assumes you'll want.
Build up and find you're own style. Once you're comfortable with that you're likely going to be able to blow a few minds fairly easily..
"
That's the goal!
L xx |
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"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop!
Oh dear. How could she miss that? Lol x
Ow! Riding crops can be very harsh, I know that for a fact! Not one of my favourites I must say.
Kept hitting my bollocks instead of my ass, I had to take it off her and say that’s enough now!"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't start with whips, chains and all that cliché stuff that everyone assumes you'll want.
Build up and find you're own style. Once you're comfortable with that you're likely going to be able to blow a few minds fairly easily..
That's the goal!
L xx"
Sensory play, teasing, restraints are great ways to boost your confidence.
Look up "tease and Deny" or "the first time" in the stories section. Both of them written on my old profile about my first experiences. |
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There are some experienced sub guys on here. Maybe chat to one who is not a possible-meet, just for advice. They can tell you about it from their perspective.
I'm crap at it! One guy told me I was "adorable". I was going for "scary".  |
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"We're looking at attending some more specialised nights and munches to get some tips and chat to others about their experiences. I'm not ready to go full into a meet with a sub I don't know. Having been a sub to a more experienced dom I know how much trust is involved. "
The Wirral Munch is every month & held at Townhouse (next one is 12th June)
There is a large fet community at Townhouse and there is a fully equipped clear dungeon as well as a BDSM playroom & a medical fetish playroom.
As well as the Munch, there are also several
Fet events at the club, including Whimper, which is a FemDom event. Newbies & those wanting to learn more are always welcome to any of the events x |
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I work Tuesday nights. Might have to get that date booked off. We've been to townhouse a few times over the years. Had my first sub experience there and it was divine. Thanks for the advice. Very helpful.
L xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Shag advisor. Lol. Nice photos. Bit too far to travel darling but Thankyou.
L xx
You couldn’t be worse than my last domme, she was a terrible shot with the riding crop!
How can she be?? A riding crop is a fairly solid item. You have to work harder to make it miss. Should just be an extension of your arm. "
Okay, maybe she was doing it on purpose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There are loads of books out there that can also help.
We started with sensory deprivation and as much pleasurable stuff (feathers, sweets, tasty lubes) as we did some light pain stuff too.
We keep toying with the idea of the townhouse too.
We're not extreme enough to visit fet clubs we feel, but equally we'd like to think we're a way past 50 shades ?? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't start with whips, chains and all that cliché stuff that everyone assumes you'll want.
Build up and find you're own style. Once you're comfortable with that you're likely going to be able to blow a few minds fairly easily..
"
This. Also by chatting to submissive men you find out their turn ons. Don’t be afraid to give it a go. Everyone had to start somewhere. |
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My hubby can be quite sub so got him to practice on. Saying that, we've been having sex for 25 years so know each other very very well. I think definitely a visit or two to townhouse is in order for research purposes.
Thanks for all the advice guys
Leia xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My hubby can be quite sub so got him to practice on. Saying that, we've been having sex for 25 years so know each other very very well. I think definitely a visit or two to townhouse is in order for research purposes.
Thanks for all the advice guys
Leia xx"
Good luck, keep us posted xxx |
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"We've recently come back to fab after a little break and have turned up the heat a little. I've always had a slightly dominant side (but do switch) and looking to improve on my skills in that area. However, i do have a fear of not being good enough for the other person. Is this normal? Is it just experience I need to get rid of that? Still always have nerves before a meet, which I think is a good thing, but how do others get into that mindset?
Leia "
Why not come to a fet night or a munch? At Townhouse the first Friday of every month is fet night. There is no judgement about your experience. If you’re open and speak to people you’ll find that experienced dominants will share best practice or recommend stuff to read or you can watch them play. There is sometimes demos and open play and Townhouse even have a School of Kink |
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I think it's natural to question yourself when you're exploring a role that you're less familiar with. It's important not to expect perfection to be anything other than how you are.
We improve with experience and this also spurs us to experiment and develop in other ways too. The very doing just drives us to get better as well as lets us experience how we like it and are good at it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
If you can swap messages\emails with your potential play partner with scenarios or suggestions, get a feel of what they like.
Its realky hard to explain but when your in the moment you feed of their responses and adjust play.
I 'dominate' my husband, I find it incredibly hard without being aggressive or nasty as thats just not me, but have developed scenarios over time to help and it as evolving process.
Communication is key, make sure you have discussed hard limits and a safe word but at a not sexy time, when you are just being honest with each other.
Enjoy, experiment, be safe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've recently come back to fab after a little break and have turned up the heat a little. I've always had a slightly dominant side (but do switch) and looking to improve on my skills in that area. However, i do have a fear of not being good enough for the other person. Is this normal? Is it just experience I need to get rid of that? Still always have nerves before a meet, which I think is a good thing, but how do others get into that mindset?
Leia examine your style, dont take on more than you know to begin with. choose wisely those you Domme with, make sure they match you in preferences. be responsible, also have and use a safe word and negotiate scenes beforehand so you can think plan it out before going onto dynamics. go learn rope or techniques at munches and events aimed for fet users. take it slow and remember safe sane and consensual and if you've never been a sub, consider trying it with some experienced mentors/ play partners, it will make you a better Domme x"
Very wise words |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If you can swap messages\emails with your potential play partner with scenarios or suggestions, get a feel of what they like.
Its realky hard to explain but when your in the moment you feed of their responses and adjust play.
I 'dominate' my husband, I find it incredibly hard without being aggressive or nasty as thats just not me, but have developed scenarios over time to help and it as evolving process.
Communication is key, make sure you have discussed hard limits and a safe word but at a not sexy time, when you are just being honest with each other.
Enjoy, experiment, be safe "
Yes exactly this me and my FB have had to part ways because he doesn’t feel Im hasty enough. I can’t help it if I care for someone I can’t be a complete bitch. I can otherwise but those aren’t the types of guys I want to play with  |
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I think it's a very different dynamic when it's your partner you are experimenting with. Luckily we've a couple of friends that are introducing us to new aspects of the domme/sub experience. Just going with the flow of it all. Definitely attending some up coming events that cater for our interests. Looking forward to building my confidence and learning more about it.
Leia |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We're looking at attending some more specialised nights and munches to get some tips and chat to others about their experiences. I'm not ready to go full into a meet with a sub I don't know. Having been a sub to a more experienced dom I know how much trust is involved. "
For anyone thinking of getting into this think munches are a great place to start - meet like minded and find out whats going on in the area |
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