FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Ripped off?
Ripped off?
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"oh - just read about the undies!! you didnt ask for them, they were a gift. More fool him if he thought they were a sure way to get you into bed "Yeah, sounds a bit shallow on his part. To be honest, based on that and hs subsequent reaction it does sound a lucky escape for the OP in my opinion. | |||
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"First time posting in these forums so bear with me....... I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since. We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies. He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency. I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset). I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!" Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience? Sammiej x" How was he ripped off? He decided (from what you say) to buy you a gift. Thats is if that what he is refering to by saying he was ripped off. You told him how things stand from your point of _iew before your first meet. You were then thoughtful enough to message him and explain with good reason why you could not meet him anymore. Always do what you think is best and not what other men think you should do. As has been said block and move on. | |||
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"To clarify, he lives on the south coast and is in his hotel an hour away from me only on a Monday. I can't accomodate because I have children at home and he can't be flexible on the days we meet. Think I just need to "man up" a bit and not be so sensitive to negative reactions lol" its your terms and your rules babe  x | |||
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"No your not in the wrong. I assume you never asked him to buy you dinner or by you undies? If not then that was his choice. If he thinks that gives him any rights over you then he is wrong. Don't let him put you off, get out there and have fun x" +1 it was his decision to treat you and your family circumstances must take priority. If he can't understand that then he's not worth knowing!  | |||
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"Eh hello!! Swinging site not dating! " so it would be ok to say that after a date? | |||
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"Eh hello!! Swinging site not dating! Don't u worry Hun onwards & upwards. Happy hunting!" Couldn't have put it better myself! have fun xxxxx | |||
of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two | |||
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"name and shame!!!!!!" You'll get banned if you do... | |||
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"name and shame!!!!!!" dont take this silly bit of advice hun  | |||
"dinner is ok surely?" For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. | |||
"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference." wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. | |||
"Always select the meet to suite both.. I can afford to buy a round of drinks whilst chatting and if they are hungry maybe some crisps, but hope they have eat before hand
of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two "a drink and crisps, now i know why your called My Treat  | |||
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"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on! " Good idea Oh, and wear the knickers on your next meet | |||
" Oh, and wear the knickers on your next meet "lol magic idea! | |||
"dinner is ok surely?" I would never accept a gift and certainly not dinner..... even when I was a single female. I would feel beholden to 'give' something back. It's a shagging site, not a dating site (thats my own opinion) However, rudeness because the OP decided not to see him again is not right. | |||
"dinner is ok surely? I would never accept a gift and certainly not dinner..... even when I was a single female. I would feel beholden to 'give' something back. It's a shagging site, not a dating site (thats my own opinion) However, rudeness because the OP decided not to see him again is not right." +1 | |||
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"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense! "id rather tuck into a nice hot moist kebab | |||
"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense!
id rather tuck into a nice hot moist kebab"As long as you wipe your mouth before you get near my fish taco! | |||
"I don't think dinner pre-meet is really a date. I'd class cinema, clubs, and romantic walks in the rain more a dating thing. Whereas a light snack before an all night session is just common sense! "i agree. a drink and a quick bite to eat is being friendly and practical. certainly not a dat. | |||
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"Always select the meet to suite both.. I can afford to buy a round of drinks whilst chatting and if they are hungry maybe some crisps, but hope they have eat before hand
of course if they came round to mine, free food and drinks or I went to theirs, would take a bottle or two
a drink and crisps, now i know why your called My Treat "I know, the high life a girls dream | |||
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"First time posting in these forums so bear with me....... I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since. We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies. He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency. I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset). I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!" Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience? Sammiej x" dont worry too much about it | |||
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and other indirect payments... best to avoid accepting gifts IMHO.
The 'real hustle' could learn a few tricks from some
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"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on! " and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules. you dont have to do anything you dont want to | |||
"and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules. you dont have to do anything you dont want to" No she doesn't. Or at least she shouldn't. All parties make the rules. Or is it a case of men doing whatever is asked of them to ensure they get a meet? | |||
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"and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules. you dont have to do anything you dont want to No she doesn't. Or at least she shouldn't. All parties make the rules. Or is it a case of men doing whatever is asked of them to ensure they get a meet?" Having just re-read my post, to clarify when I said "no she doesn't" I was refering to the first sentence in the one I quoted, I thought I'd delted the second sentence from my quote!  | |||
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"Thanks guys, was having a moment of self doubt there, but will put it down to experience and move on! and remember the one withe the pussy makes the rules. you dont have to do anything you dont want to" What has having a cat got to do with any of this ?!?  | |||
"First time posting in these forums so bear with me....... I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since. We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies. He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency. I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset). I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!" Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience? Sammiej x" if he was that bothered about meeting you he would have offered to travel nearer and get a hotel im a single mother too and i never travel to far away unless my daughter is at her dads for the night you have been honest and i think your reasons are quite acceptable, if hes so unreasonable that he gets arsey because you put your kids first them to be quite honest your best rid of him children always come first end of you did right lots of guys on here forget we have a real life too and think women on here are just trawling the net looking for sex 24/7 and ready to say how high every time they say jump theres loads of nice guys on here that will be willing to get a hotel near you, or even local guys who accommodate, you've lost nothing | |||
"One reason why I personally wouldnt accept dinner or gifts" Whilst the op is in no way in the wrong,perhaps she can learn from this. It has taken a year and a half for me to be comfortable with Sir paying for dinner,i even chose somewhere nice this week
Seriously though,with anyone else i dont accept anything,that way i dont feel bad when/if i say no.Even a drink is buy my own.This isnt dating,and i pay my own way. | |||
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"One reason why I personally wouldnt accept dinner or gifts Whilst the op is in no way in the wrong,perhaps she can learn from this. It has taken a year and a half for me to be comfortable with Sir paying for dinner,i even chose somewhere nice this week
Seriously though,with anyone else i dont accept
anything,that way i dont feel bad when/if i say no.Even a drink is buy my own.This isnt dating,and i pay my own way."+1 | |||
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"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. " I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous. I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work. | |||
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That is just one example of someone having expectations of you when they shouldn't especially when you lay it on the line beforehand, that's when it gets complicated.
"First time posting in these forums so bear with me....... I met a guy last week, my first time after being back on the swinging scene after 8 years. We've had a lot of chat and text before and a few since. We had a lovely meet last week and he took me to dinner and surprised me with a gift of some sexy undies. He wanted me to meet again today and I said I would think about it. However as it took me an hour to drive last time and the fact I have to leave my teenage daughter babysitting my younger two I decided it was just too far away to be from my children in case there was an emergency. I wrote him a polite message explaining that although I had a really lovely time I couldn't meet him anymore due to the circumstances described above and the fact as I was new back to the scene I am still trying to find my feet and see what suits me (which he knew from the outset). I got a really rude message back simply saying "do I feel ripped off or what!" Am I in the wrong here or do I just put it down to a bad experience? Sammiej x" | |||
"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous. I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work." i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant | |||
"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous. I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work. i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant" Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons | |||
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"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous. I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work. i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons" nah if i was on a date i'd make them pay, may as well start off as you mean to go on lol | |||
"In general I agree with most of the comments made, however there are a couple of things that bother me. Firstly I think it's right, this is a swinging site not a dating site, and that should be clear from the start. Yes men are here for sex, but so are the women. Isn't that the whole point? Secondly I find it curious that a few think it's perfectly alright for the man to buy the drinks, buy a snack, or even pay for a proper meal, without it at least sending out mixed messages. Surely if two adults take part in what could be seen as a date, it is only reasonable that someone will see it as such and a much greater 'investment'? Thirdly while I think it's good manners to offer a drink and a light snack, I do not believe it's the prerogative of the man to do so necessarily. Either party may do so, or depending on the circumstances both should go dutch. However once the presence of a gift appears, outside of the usual wine and flowers perhaps? But again depending on circumstances. I think a gift, as described above, should ring alarm bells. This is outside the realms of swinging in my _iew. And finally, and I don't mean to be harsh to the OP, I do think the OP has to take some responsible for what happened. It should have been fairly obvious that the whole scenario was slightly ambiguous and open to misunderstanding. There is no doubt in my mind that it certainly reads like a date, and as an adult you cannot passively take part in something like that and not see the potential for misunderstanding. However having said all that there is no excuse for his rudeness. We don't know his side of the story but, if what the OP has told us is true, then his reaction was wholely inappropriate." You always say what i want too ,better | |||
"dinner is ok surely? For me personally no, although of course there is nothing wrong with it. Having dinner feels a bit too much like having a 'date' to me. A coffee or a drink would be my preference. wow, i have to be honest and say that this realy surprises me.. Ive never meant anything by this in the past, and certainly didnt expect anything in return. we live and learn i guess. if anyone else agress I'll rethink in the future. I always meet socially first and it can be coffee, lunch or dinner. I've never seen it as a date, but a social meet. I've met some playmates for dinner several times before playing as they've been nervous. I wouldn't play with someone who didn't offer a bite to eat if I met at lunchtime or after work. i too dont see going for a meal with someone off here as a date surely what makes a date is the intentions behind who your meeting if you go out for a meal for someone you really like and would like to take it up a level thats a date, but a date can be anywhere, over a drink in a pub or on a park bench while walking your dogs, its the intentions of meeting someone that makes it a date to me if you go out for a meal with someone off here and all you want to do is have a chat over a meal to see if you want to have sex with them then thats not a date, its a social meet in a restaurant Which i have done,and paid my half...thats the point i was trying to make.i prefer it that way...if i ever dated im sure id go dutch for the same reasons nah if i was on a date i'd make them pay, may as well start off as you mean to go on lol "My first date was to hyde park,we walked.i think kev started off as he meant to continue | |||
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"In general I agree with most of the comments made, however there are a couple of things that bother me. Firstly I think it's right, this is a swinging site not a dating site, and that should be clear from the start. Yes men are here for sex, but so are the women. Isn't that the whole point? Secondly I find it curious that a few think it's perfectly alright for the man to buy the drinks, buy a snack, or even pay for a proper meal, without it at least sending out mixed messages. Surely if two adults take part in what could be seen as a date, it is only reasonable that someone will see it as such and a much greater 'investment'? Thirdly while I think it's good manners to offer a drink and a light snack, I do not believe it's the prerogative of the man to do so necessarily. Either party may do so, or depending on the circumstances both should go dutch. However once the presence of a gift appears, outside of the usual wine and flowers perhaps? But again depending on circumstances. I think a gift, as described above, should ring alarm bells. This is outside the realms of swinging in my _iew. And finally, and I don't mean to be harsh to the OP, I do think the OP has to take some responsible for what happened. It should have been fairly obvious that the whole scenario was slightly ambiguous and open to misunderstanding. There is no doubt in my mind that it certainly reads like a date, and as an adult you cannot passively take part in something like that and not see the potential for misunderstanding. However having said all that there is no excuse for his rudeness. We don't know his side of the story but, if what the OP has told us is true, then his reaction was wholely inappropriate. You always say what i want too ,better "Thank you xxx. You're making me blush. | |||
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"Can i have his name lol as i need some new undies lol" Hahahahaha | |||
mmm and a whole lot more than sex x | |||
"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x" This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently. He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it. | |||
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"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently. He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it." Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist. You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable. You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation. I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew? We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering. | |||
"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently. He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it. Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist. You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable. You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation. I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew? We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering. " Can't agree with you mate. If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel. Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation. If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice. OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things. | |||
"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently. He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it. Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist. You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable. You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation. I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew? We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering. Can't agree with you mate. If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel. Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation. If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice. OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things. " Actually I'm not trying to 'blame' anyone, so I apologise if I give that impression, and although you've made some very good points I still feel I see it differently to you. There is no evidence so far that the OP made any offer towards the meal, and her 'surprise' at receiving the gift would suggest that the meet wasn't as well planned as you suggest. Also the risk of embarrassment, which would quickly pass in my _iew, is a small price to pay to avoid a bag of hurt later. This is what you would expect in the 'vanilla' world, so why should it be any different here. I'm also troubled by this notion that somehow because she had driven all this way, and by way of compensation for her fuel costs, she was 'entitled' to receive the gift AND the meal. If the roles were reversed would we be making the same arguments? Where I totally agree with you however is with the OP's point about her time away from the kids. She is definitely correct in her concerns and her reasoning as far as that is concerned and cannot be argued against. I'd also like to point out that regardless of how the meet turned out the OP is perfectly entitled to decide whether to meet again or not, and whatever decision the OP made on that front would be totally valid. | |||
"I feel I need to say something at this point. We both knew it was just for sex and there was no other pretense about it. He offered to buy dinner as he had not eaten and wanted to talk and get to know me a bit before we headed to the bedroom so we both felt comfortable with what we were doing. He brought the undies as he wanted me to wear them that evening which I did. We had a lovely evening and lots of fun, but driving home late at night i realised I wasn't happy doing that and the time it took me worried me due to being so far away from the kids. Hope that clarifies things a bit :o) x This is not an attack...he was wrong,rude and a twunt...But your clarification doesnt change things in so far as i would have acted differently. He wants dinner...split the cost,as for the underwear... still would have refused it. Have to agree here. It's too easy to demonise the man, and lazy in my _iew, but that seems to be the zeitgeist. You cannot enter into an activity that involves another person, and wash your hands of the consequences. You may have intended a different outcome but I still maintain that you are also culpable. You say it was agreed that it was only for sex. Really? Is that why you agreed to let him pay for the meal, and then compounded the issue by accepting an intimate gift? Extreme naivety surely? You should have, and could have, insisted to share at least some of the financial burden, thus making it clear there was no further obligation. I'm not having a go at you OP, but if you agree one thing then the boundaries should be crystal clear. Any deviation will completely cloud the issue. And rather than demonise the man perhaps it may help considering how it might have appeared from his point of _iew? We have all been in situations where you meet someone with one intention, then as the meeting progresses decide on a different course of action, either because it has gone very well or not as intended. It's of course entirely possible that you may have simply given the wrong impression, but it's worth considering. Can't agree with you mate. If a meet has been well planned and sounds like took place over several hours, it's quite reasonable that food was consumed and as long as long as there was an offer from the OP to share the cost surely if the male offers to pay it fully then surely an insistence to pay half would lead to some embarrassment on both sides that could spoil the vibe. Worth keeping in ind the OP has also had expense in fuel. Also what would be the affect of refusing the gift, the guy has gone out and bought something that would heighten his enjoyment of the meet. So it's a gift for them both in essence, accepting or refusing this puts the OP in a no win situation. If the OP has latterly weighed up her time away from the kids and deemed it unacceptable then it's absolutely up to her. Swinging happens one meet at a time, no one has the RIGHT to have someone meet them again, it's a matter of mutual choice. OP was on a hiding to nothing here and has done nothing wrong. Anyone thinking that spending money on someone guarantees them a repeat is really pursuing the wrong things. " Totally agree with you! | |||
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"oh - just read about the undies!! you didnt ask for them, they were a gift. More fool him if he thought they were a sure way to get you into bed "yep | |||
