FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Fab is getting me down
Fab is getting me down
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I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding?   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds to me your being alittle to hard on yourself.
Sometimes when you're looking too hard it never happens.
Slow shit down and take things as they come |
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If you are repeatedly having dodgy meets then look at your selection process.
If the site isn't working for you then either reappraise your approach or accept maybe it isn't for you.
I'm here because it's a fun diversion.
If it stops being fun I'll call it a day.
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Sorry to hear you're having such a hard time! The whole ghosting thing is awful & if it keeps happening it really does make you start to question yourself & affect your confidence (when in a lot of cases, it's the ghoster that has issues)! No one should have that power over you!
A friend of mine is trying online dating & out of everything, it's the ghosting that's really starting to bother her. It actually hurts more when people aren't honest & upfront & don't have the balls to say "actually, I'm sorry but you're not for me"!
I honestly believe they think hearing that would upset us. Maybe it would initially but the relief of someone having the decency to admit it, instead of running away without giving a damn, would be a refreshing change these days! Rant over!
Hope you're able to stick at it! I know this is no consolation, but as a couple profile, we've had ghosters too. Not good & a waste of everyones time.
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By *Man1263Man
over a year ago
Stockport |
With Mini on this.
As for ghosting, never been ghosted before till joined here!
Strange that isn't it.
Anyway, Have A Man Hug!
And if still confused, go to mersey way and look at the floor again (stockport joke)
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
You are definitely not too demanding and I completely feel your pain...but you never know what is around the corner and if you are like me you will have met some lovely people along the way. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Pick nicer men  "
There's a lot of men (and women no doubt) that are more than nice, till they get your kecks off. Doesn't really aid the OP now does it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Try taking a week off and see how you feel. And if you feel ok then extend your break from this site for even longer? Sometimes it’s good to come off of here and give yourself some time to refocus |
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding?
You are definitely not too demanding and I completely feel your pain...but you never know what is around the corner and if you are like me you will have met some lovely people along the way. Xx"
Every time I mention that I want a completely PC social at first and then another just prior to fun times, they just disappear. |
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By *olexMan
over a year ago
Hull |
"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding?
You are definitely not too demanding and I completely feel your pain...but you never know what is around the corner and if you are like me you will have met some lovely people along the way. Xx
Every time I mention that I want a completely PC social at first and then another just prior to fun times, they just disappear. "
That's not demanding, that's sensible. Clearly the problem lies with the people who are contacting you. If you need to chat, i'm here. Just message |
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You don’t sound too demanding! I think ghosting is happening more and more often on any site. I’ve been ghosted several times completely out of the blue from tinder/bumble/ok Cupid and so have friends of mine.
I think it’s just a mentality people have these days, they don’t think about the person they’re seeing it’s just about looking for the next option.
Feels so shitty when it happens and so confusing. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is "ghosting?""
Not really meant here but it's when you are actually emotionally involved with (ie dating) someone and they suddenly cease all communications with any explanation |
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Thanks ladies. It wouldn’t be so bad if I’d managed to have even a single meet with a nice guy lately but literally 5 guys in a row have let me down in someway.
I’m already quite reserved and picky for a swinging site so even meeting anyone is a reasonably big deal for me. x |
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"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
"
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don’t sound too demanding! I think ghosting is happening more and more often on any site. I’ve been ghosted several times completely out of the blue from tinder/bumble/ok Cupid and so have friends of mine.
I think it’s just a mentality people have these days, they don’t think about the person they’re seeing it’s just about looking for the next option.
Feels so shitty when it happens and so confusing. X"
Totally in agreement with all of this.
Your pics are incredibly hot OP. Have you thought of experimenting with lower wattage pics and keeping something back so the guys are a bit less overexcited when messaging? Are they just climaxing then losing interest? It’s a bit of a misandrist thing to suggest, but I wonder if it might make a difference. Might be worth a try. |
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Hi OP
Why not hide your profile and take a little break.
I think sometimes the more you become frustrated on fab,the more it shows and then attracts the b people you are trying to avoid.
Or as poster above suggested,hide some of raunchier pics and see if that helps.
Good luck
Miss |
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"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
"
I wouldn’t recommend you write any motivational books any time soon hun 
It may well be me, I do have a ‘type’ but I don’t think that really means it’s my fault they behave like pigs is it? I think women giving them excuses is half the problem! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
"
Obviously a woman is not going to meet a guy who comes across as a dickhead, some are great at hiding true colours though.
No not all men are unsavoury, I have some lovely guys as friends.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My fb was on here for around 8 years and regularly hid her profile when it got her down or life got in the way. It's always there to come back to when you feel ready then with no pressure. This is supposed to be a bit of light hearted fun to get away from the pressures of everyday life. When it ceases to be fun and/or adds to that pressure then it's time to take a break. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just do what I plan to do myself shortly, hide your profile and log off for a couple of weeks. It's supposed to be a laugh and fun here. If it gets me down, I unplug. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think as singles we have less of a buffer than couples. No matter how light you try to keep it, a few dickheads in a row makes you doubt yourself and your judgement. Couples can laugh it off and go fuck each other. Their main focus is each other.
Try some different approaches that don’t compromise your standards and if they don’t work for you, log off for a bit. |
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Have you thought about going to a club or socials? It's a good way to meet people and you're not in a 1 on 1 situation.
If they're ghosting you they have issues and you're better off without them.
Sorry you're having such a bad time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I took a break recently. Deleted my account and left for about a month or so. Came back with a new approach. I still got someone cancelling a meet 15 mins before we were supposed to meet. But you know what, I've also had two on the best meets I've ever had since coming back.
Take a break, reassess and then decide whether to come back xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are repeatedly having dodgy meets then look at your selection process.
If the site isn't working for you then either reappraise your approach or accept maybe it isn't for you.
I'm here because it's a fun diversion.
If it stops being fun I'll call it a day.
"
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
"
No disrespect Minnie, but this situations is not exclusive to the OP.
My own selection process is robust enough have met some fantastic guys and given me some lifelong friends, but it doesnt stop the lack of basic respect and poor form that many guys (and gals) show nowadays on fab and in the online dating arena. The last two Fridays on the trot ive been ghosted and let down at last minute with a feeble excuse, and its just bloody rude.
The art of communication is completely FUBAR and people just dont have the balls anymore to be straight. Whether thats due to not wanting to face conflict or just generally because they are mean shitty people who have no manners or poor etiquette i dont know, but blaming the person affected by it isnt really helpful or fair. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Verifications are key.. I've found if it seems like a hassle sorting a meet within a few conversations then ditch. Life's too short to let this part takeover. After all love making only lasts 39 seconds  |
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"I would never base my confidence on online attention and experiences, can be so misleading. Take it with a pinch of salt, I do "
At the risk of sounding soft, if you speak to someone for 2 weeks every day and you are looking for a fwb so you are naturally more forthcoming, then it’s not my physical confidence that is affected. It’s mentally draining to get your hopes up and also try to trust someone. I think a lot of people on the thread are imagining I am upset about not getting a quick fuck. That’s just not it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would never base my confidence on online attention and experiences, can be so misleading. Take it with a pinch of salt, I do
At the risk of sounding soft, if you speak to someone for 2 weeks every day and you are looking for a fwb so you are naturally more forthcoming, then it’s not my physical confidence that is affected. It’s mentally draining to get your hopes up and also try to trust someone. I think a lot of people on the thread are imagining I am upset about not getting a quick fuck. That’s just not it. "
Must admit I agree ... online there is no actual friendship, trust or respect. That can only be from actually meeting and building up over time ... it's a change in society that has lead people to believe online is reality. Over 80% of human communication is body language, which is missing totally from all online discussions. Anyone can literally say anything!
It should be months of actually meeting with anyone before any modicum of respect, trust and confidence is built up/on. A fwb should be friends first which, again, should involve meetings, plural before being entered upon! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would never base my confidence on online attention and experiences, can be so misleading. Take it with a pinch of salt, I do
At the risk of sounding soft, if you speak to someone for 2 weeks every day and you are looking for a fwb so you are naturally more forthcoming, then it’s not my physical confidence that is affected. It’s mentally draining to get your hopes up and also try to trust someone. I think a lot of people on the thread are imagining I am upset about not getting a quick fuck. That’s just not it.
Must admit I agree ... online there is no actual friendship, trust or respect. That can only be from actually meeting and building up over time ... it's a change in society that has lead people to believe online is reality. Over 80% of human communication is body language, which is missing totally from all online discussions. Anyone can literally say anything!
It should be months of actually meeting with anyone before any modicum of respect, trust and confidence is built up/on. A fwb should be friends first which, again, should involve meetings, plural before being entered upon! "
Tottaly agree. A online personality is one thing but sadly many are not the same when you meet them |
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By *offee with MilkCouple
over a year ago
Over the roundabout and then turn right. |
Our aim is to arrange meets at a club. Then no-shows don't matter, but we're not seeking a fwb, though we have built some amazing long term friendships.
If you want a PC social first then stick to your guns. The idiot who ghosts you is not the one you're looking for, right? Of course it's frustrating, but the odds are that eventually it will happen.
We wish you the best of luck and do remember the maxim " Don't let the bastards grind you down". |
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A fab break may be?
I fall in and out of love with fab sometimes. I think lots of us. I can be at times a draining rollercoaster. When i
I get tired of it I do I just take a break.
Sometime fab offers the promise of so much but doesn't quite deliver everything we want. Often is all very fickle. To be fair that is it's nature and that's what it delivers. Maybe we expect too much of it? To be fair sometimes it delivers more than you bargain for. I found the gold prize on here even though I wasn't looling for it. So for me my feelings towards fab have changed; I felt more like you previously.
I guess you need to ask what do you want from fab? Is it delivering? And is the best/only place for what you want? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it much easier to make online friends than meet people who are interested in me for anything more than that. I think sometimes the type of people we are attracted to on here aren’t necessarily the right ones for us. I have had a chance to reappraise what I am looking for after a very long break not meeting. It’s not easy finding someone you want to spend time with and enjoy the extra benefits that a Fab FWB can provide. But every now and then someone appears who is amazing. I’ve only met one since my change of approach but she is fantastic and I’m hoping to meet someone else very soon. Building up trust and finding time in our busy schedules isn’t easy.
Taking some time out to reflect and work out a new approach might work for you too.
I hope you find some people that can restore your confidence- they are out there - sometimes it’s about seeing with new eyes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been here roughly 4 years and agree that it's gradually got worse. Maybe because it's more popular now and the site is in the news a lot recently (even saw it on a popular news website the other day praising it as an option to spice up marriages!) you get a lot of 'wannabes' and fantasists. Years ago most people who turned up here because they searched for it specifically and wanted to actually swing (you still got ghosted though).
You can still meet nice people here, but the selection process is a lot harder. We didn't have a ghoster until the last year and now had a lot more since so we've narrowed our search parameters recently to reduce the chances of our time being wasted. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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the problem is not the site the problem is people now use it in a different way than when first set up (their choice) we came here via another site when it started and it was full on meets and full of people who did meet ...now its all sorts from good to very bad it will kill the site (hope not tho) eventually because those who use it to play and have real meets will find other ways again it just takes what fab did when it started new site killing the rest .. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would never base my confidence on online attention and experiences, can be so misleading. Take it with a pinch of salt, I do
At the risk of sounding soft, if you speak to someone for 2 weeks every day and you are looking for a fwb so you are naturally more forthcoming, then it’s not my physical confidence that is affected. It’s mentally draining to get your hopes up and also try to trust someone. I think a lot of people on the thread are imagining I am upset about not getting a quick fuck. That’s just not it. "
Hi busty minx, maybe a phone call earlier in the vetting process may help. Men can be scared off, if it seems too serious or blurring into a relationship.
Also maybe worth changing your search criteria to someone 5 years older, may get a more reliable guy. Good luck, don't take it personally, there are great guys out there and I am sure when you least expect it, you will find him. All the best |
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
Your not alone, I question is it me or fab. Like I keep saying you know its shit when your boyfriend gets more action on Facebook then I do on fab. But my biggest issue is I now refuse to play from home. So that has a big impact on my activity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are repeatedly having dodgy meets then look at your selection process.
If the site isn't working for you then either reappraise your approach or accept maybe it isn't for you.
I'm here because it's a fun diversion.
If it stops being fun I'll call it a day.
"
I'd second this OP.
As far as ghosting goes, it happens all the time with us men, a newer more attractive proposition arrives and then another and another. I know that doesn't help but it's common as muck on here.
Step back and revaluate what you're wanting and check your selections carefully before commencing. Often people tell you what you want to hear. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sorry to hear OP, there has been an influx of time wasters (or guys looking for a quick fuck) recently but legit people still exist, just have to reach out a bit more to find them. |
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Thanks all, I appreciate the support! I’ve decided to hide my profile for now but I still may leave.
I think I may just not be able to find what I’m looking for on here any more. Whilst I think fab has changed so has what I want. I’m after more than just a fwb, but a specific type, and I’m not sure this is the site to find it. I think the ones that say they are into the same are here for the wrong reasons a lot of the time.
x |
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"Thanks all, I appreciate the support! I’ve decided to hide my profile for now but I still may leave.
I think I may just not be able to find what I’m looking for on here any more. Whilst I think fab has changed so has what I want. I’m after more than just a fwb, but a specific type, and I’m not sure this is the site to find it. I think the ones that say they are into the same are here for the wrong reasons a lot of the time.
x"
Best of luck to you what ever you decide. But if the nature of your future relationship involves unconventional sexual habits or attitudes to monogomy the vanilla world may be difficult too. Of course there are other places, scenes to look to. I hope you find what you after and hopefully someone adores and accepts you for you, all sides and aspects of you. |
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Fab has changed a lot, don't be so hard on yourself there's probably lots of decent guys on here who would kill to meet you but are just too shy to speak up. So go on the offensive and start messaging different guys than the clearly thirsty ones find one who is willing to chat for a good long while so that you can map out whether They worth it or not and see how your luck treats you that way but don't give up and don't go thinking it's all you this site is loaded with disrespectful douchebags only in it of a quick shag |
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"Pick nicer men
If you go out one day and meet an asshole then you've met an asshole
If you go out one day and meet nothing but assholes then chances are you're the asshole."
If you go out one day and meet nothing but assholes then chances are you're addicted to anal sex |
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"Pick nicer men
If you go out one day and meet an asshole then you've met an asshole
If you go out one day and meet nothing but assholes then chances are you're the asshole.
If you go out one day and meet nothing but assholes then chances are you're addicted to anal sex"
This made me laugh. |
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It’s not that bad in this world there is always good and bad people but put it this way try being a guy on here and being the 2000th message on one single ladies profile. Things always get better just be patient don’t worry about it  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's the fab 80 15 5 rule 80 nothing going to happen 15 possibly will happen 5 make it to the door then maybe 2 will be people you would like to see further. Don't take it to heart it's them that have the problem not you. It's fab not life. Male Xx  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
So sorry to hear. I know we have spoken on chat in the past and respect your decision. You seem like a lovely woman and just hope you find some sort of happiness.
As far as confidence goes, mine has hit an all time low from being on here. I have meet 3 people 2 of which were absolutely awesome human beings. The other... Has sersiously knocked me. We met, had what I thought was a good time together to be completely ignored afterwards. She did msg a few times after saying she enjoyed the night, but won't even reply to a nice compliment or hello. Feel like any message I send out has the same effect. I won't even comment how many people send a message and we chat, they ask for face pictures (which are on profile) and then they block me. That shit fucks you up haha.
I'd say to not let them bother you. Here to chat if you ever need to x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
I wouldn’t recommend you write any motivational books any time soon hun
It may well be me, I do have a ‘type’ but I don’t think that really means it’s my fault they behave like pigs is it? I think women giving them excuses is half the problem!"
It happens the other way round too if it's any consolation. Just one of the hazards of Fab. It's a fickle place. Take a little break and give yourself some space to recharge OP. |
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"Thanks ladies. It wouldn’t be so bad if I’d managed to have even a single meet with a nice guy lately but literally 5 guys in a row have let me down in someway.
I’m already quite reserved and picky for a swinging site so even meeting anyone is a reasonably big deal for me. x"
Your not being demanding, love your lovely, sexy, and attractive.
The ones who do the ghosting have the issue, dont lower your standards because of them.
One thing i would never do is lie and stand someone up especially a lady.
Have a relax and have a long think of what is best for you xx |
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OP, you look fabulous, darling.
When I was a singleton in swingland I could only have dreamed meeting somebody like you, and I would have treated you like an absolute princess and considered myself amazingly fortunate. There are guys like that out there but you will have to wade through an awful lot of dross to find one.
Unfortunately there are a lot of shallow and selfish men in this world, and this lifestyle attracts a lot of them. You will have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince.
My best suggestion would be to have online conversations with a lot of guys. See which ones stay the course and are respectful and interested in you the person and not just you the shagging receptacle. Only when they have demonstrated they treat you with respect give them a chance to meet you.
Don't forget that they are the ones who should feel priveliged to get to meet you (just look at the ratio of single men to women). If they don't show you that they understand that and realise it takes time to prove that to you, it doesn't sound like they are the one you have been looking for. Save yourself some time and upset and them filter themselves out without meeting them. |
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"Try taking a week off and see how you feel. And if you feel ok then extend your break from this site for even longer? Sometimes it’s good to come off of here and give yourself some time to refocus "
This is good adivce. I took some time off around the holidays to regroup, between work and the holidays I wasn't enjoying myself on here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Just alter your filters or have a break just forget about it for a while and see what happens when you come back, if it’s still the same old then you know it’s not for you and just go to clubs |
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
A break is good. |
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"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
Take a break, fab will still be here when you've got your mojo back |
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I don't think it's just you. I've noticed a huge change in the past year in terms of attitudes. Ghosting has become the #1 means of ending a friendship. I had a social meet arranged recently who was a no-show. Why? Because I simply should have known when he hadn't messaged me in the previous 24 hours that he wasn't coming... He didn't think he needed to actually tell me. I had someone else tell me he had ghosted me previously because he had feelings.. Did my feelings not count? Did my hurt and confusion have less worth? Did I not deserve to be told there was even an issue?
I don't think it's any coincidence that more and more women are taking extended breaks from meeting (or stopping completely). It's easy to get disheartened when you feel disposable. Chin up lady! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding? "
Yes, to be blunt you are expecting to much from this site, if it makes you unhappy I would definitely leave |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think it's just you. I've noticed a huge change in the past year in terms of attitudes. Ghosting has become the #1 means of ending a friendship. I had a social meet arranged recently who was a no-show. Why? Because I simply should have known when he hadn't messaged me in the previous 24 hours that he wasn't coming... He didn't think he needed to actually tell me. I had someone else tell me he had ghosted me previously because he had feelings.. Did my feelings not count? Did my hurt and confusion have less worth? Did I not deserve to be told there was even an issue?
I don't think it's any coincidence that more and more women are taking extended breaks from meeting (or stopping completely). It's easy to get disheartened when you feel disposable. Chin up lady! "
I know it's a long shot but what immediately came to mind as I was reading this was...fabs insurance on 'No reply means not interested'. There seems to be a similarity and maybe over the years this has created the increased culture of ghosting. It's a form no longer interested in the internet meeting world.
It's not nice, but one could be cold and callous about it and say, just take it they lost interest and move on.
For many Fab is not really personal, for others they struggle to separate it, whether it's no reply to an initial message or no longer replying after a few even if something is arranged. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks ladies. It wouldn’t be so bad if I’d managed to have even a single meet with a nice guy lately but literally 5 guys in a row have let me down in someway.
I’m already quite reserved and picky for a swinging site so even meeting anyone is a reasonably big deal for me. x"
Try a local social meet with other swingers in your area. Youll be able to swap notes with other ladies and couples and potentially meet prospective guys. You can tell a lot from body language in a face to face conversation that you can't get from text talk.
If the guys showed up to a social they are more likely to be reliable |
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"I near deleted my account over the weekend but decided to take a few days away. Seemed to have worked as fab is fun again"
I'm glad you stepped away without deleting and came back fresh with a positive outlook |
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"It's not you!
It is the men, regardless of your filtering,checking verifications etc fab men are out to do it their way and get what they want.
Ghosting is so cowardly and yes it's annoying given that obviously you have been led to believe things might be on going or at least a "friend".
I have had 3 I have met previously more than once contact me this week after not a thing for a long time.
I wouldn't waste time wanting to know why, block and forget.
Yes it can be demotivating but remember it's not you, so keep your self worth and esteem up there.
I know women who won't meet from here due to the dispicable men, lies and wasters because that is what they are.
No excuse for being disrespectful even on here.
I disagree.
The common denominator here is the OP. She is either consciously or unconsciously picking unsuitable men.
If you are continuously meeting idiots then reassess your picking process.
I agree there is no excuse for bad behaviour.
But not every guy on Fab is a dick head. There are some great, normal guys on here too.
I wouldn’t recommend you write any motivational books any time soon hun
It may well be me, I do have a ‘type’ but I don’t think that really means it’s my fault they behave like pigs is it? I think women giving them excuses is half the problem!"
I gree that's putting the blame on you and that's not right. |
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By *ottoofarMan
over a year ago
around and about |
My wife would totally understand where you are coming from. It’s been over a month since she’s been on. Says that it’s affecting her confidence and it’s putting her off sex so she’s out. I can’t Imagine she’ll come back if I’m honest.
It’s not lack of offers. She just finds it too much. |
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By *infulSoufieWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in making whoopee |
"I can’t decide if I’ve changed or fab has changed but over the last 6 months I’ve had some really shitty experiences on here. Between meeting someone and being dumped because of the distance and my schedule and just the sheer number of guys ghosting me. I’m starting to think it’s me that is the problem.
I’m sure fab shouldn’t make me sad but I feel like I am in a rock and a hard place. It fulfils something I need in my life but it’s also affecting my confidence etc.
I keep thinking about leaving but then I think I might miss my future long term fwb.
Should I give up? Am I too demanding?
You are definitely not too demanding and I completely feel your pain...but you never know what is around the corner and if you are like me you will have met some lovely people along the way. Xx
Every time I mention that I want a completely PC social at first and then another just prior to fun times, they just disappear. "
My profile clearly states (amongst other things ) no social without play then no play meet. It does help and can be referred to if a numpty presses for a play meet
As for being ghosted I see it as a positive. I’ve not wasted my time getting to know them or meeting.
Maybe a break and time to think as other have said will help you re group tour forces.
Hugs
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