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Help from women for wifey
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My wife is have concerns about the whole scene she has these fantasies and likes the idea of it all but just cant work out if it's right or wrong for her. She has experiment in the past but because we are settled thinks it might break us. I think it's a cofidence thing as well. I will follow what ever she wants as she is the most important person to me, but wondered if all women went through the same feelings and emotions. I think it is diferent for a women more personal. ladys what you think and how was it for you. oh and please if you ain't got anything nice to say keep it to your self. |
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We spoke about things for over 2 years before anything happened
We wanted to be sure jealousy wouldn’t creep in that we had boundaries set etc
Eventually the want/need for a third person became greater than our concerns
& touchwood 3 years on we’ve only had one occasion when we boundaries got blurred and we disagreed on a playmate
MrsH |
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I had loads of questions and needed to talk it all over a lot, I still need to do that.
The thing is that you're going to be doing stuff that goes against the grain of everything you're told about sex, love and marriage, that's hard to shake off. Then you know that what you do can't be undone, so if you or your partner feel differently about your relationship afterwards, well, it's too late.
There's also the thought in the back of your mind that you're not enough for your partner.
If she can't get past these things and you can't reach a place between the two of you where you agree that what happens in swinging isn't going to affect your relationship and can be discussed with no blame attached then I'd say you need to leave it. I'd also say keep talking, allow her to talk and express all her doubts and fears and if you do start swinging keep that conversation going.
Good luck. |
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"I had loads of questions and needed to talk it all over a lot, I still need to do that.
The thing is that you're going to be doing stuff that goes against the grain of everything you're told about sex, love and marriage, that's hard to shake off. Then you know that what you do can't be undone, so if you or your partner feel differently about your relationship afterwards, well, it's too late.
There's also the thought in the back of your mind that you're not enough for your partner.
If she can't get past these things and you can't reach a place between the two of you where you agree that what happens in swinging isn't going to affect your relationship and can be discussed with no blame attached then I'd say you need to leave it. I'd also say keep talking, allow her to talk and express all her doubts and fears and if you do start swinging keep that conversation going.
Good luck."
 thank you |
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By *andb69Couple
over a year ago
leeds |
Neither of us would do anything or try to persuade the other to do anything that they weren't entirely comfortable with. From the beginning it's been our first law of swinging and has served us well. Now we do things that a few years ago we would never have thought of doing, but we have come to them naturally helped by mutual trust and respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Neither of us would do anything or try to persuade the other to do anything that they weren't entirely comfortable with. From the beginning it's been our first law of swinging and has served us well. Now we do things that a few years ago we would never have thought of doing, but we have come to them naturally helped by mutual trust and respect."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had loads of questions and needed to talk it all over a lot, I still need to do that.
The thing is that you're going to be doing stuff that goes against the grain of everything you're told about sex, love and marriage, that's hard to shake off. Then you know that what you do can't be undone, so if you or your partner feel differently about your relationship afterwards, well, it's too late.
There's also the thought in the back of your mind that you're not enough for your partner.
If she can't get past these things and you can't reach a place between the two of you where you agree that what happens in swinging isn't going to affect your relationship and can be discussed with no blame attached then I'd say you need to leave it. I'd also say keep talking, allow her to talk and express all her doubts and fears and if you do start swinging keep that conversation going.
Good luck."
This is spot on because bringing someone else into the equation isn't right for quite a few couples and this is addictive, if you trust implicitly then you may be ok.
Any doubts don't do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have to be rock solid as a couple and not naturally jealous any insecurities would come bubbling to surface but if you confident you can cope with all that it can be amazing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Any couples on here like to give me some advice on how to deal with the emotional side to this? I have kik to chat on. I have lots of questions and fears that I'd like to overcome please x |
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Talk, talk and talk some more about what you both want to get out of the experience and be brutally honest with each other.
If you choose to go ahead and look for a playmate/playmates then explain exactly what your boundaries are to them.
And always, always remember it's just a bit of fun, the second it stops being fun is the time to walk away from the scene.
What ever you choose to do we wish you good luck. Xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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May I suggest you two listen to a podcast called Swingers Diaries? It's hosted by a couple who have been together for more than 20 years and are very much in love. They are down to earth people with great advice. Listening to other ordinary people talk about their experiences may help your partner decide whether it's right for her.
Anna |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
You have to be honest with each other and truly want to see the other person enjoying themselves to the full.
If either of you are secretly just doing it for yourself jealousy will rear its head. |
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Communication is key and it does not stop once you have started this lifestyle.
We've been doing this for over 10 years but we still check that we are both on the same page and that we are both enjoying it and not just taking one for the team.
However, you are going to get a biased sample of views here. People who it has not effected negatively or has not not yet effected negatively.
But your wife is right it can break relationships, you can't stop emotional reactions and it will always be a risk.
For some the separation of sex and emotion is easier for others it is something they find a lot harder and can never do.
But simply you will never know until you try, which is why we would always suggest take it slowly and take micro steps.
That way it is easier to take a step back if there are any ill feelings post swinging. If you just into full swap in the first go it is harder to undo than if you just went to watch the first time.
Also be ready for roles to be reversed. She may be the one concerned before you meet anyone. But have seen that flipped in clubs when reality hits the husband and they can't manage the reality of their wife with another man.
Again emotional reactions are not always what you would expect |
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Many have already said it.
The key is to talk, talk and talk more. Be totally honest and open, never do anything you don't both agree with and niether ever takes one for the team.
Simple rules but they work, and do nothing till you are both happy to, this may be a lot of fun but it is not worth loosing a life partner over. |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Just take it slowly, go with what you both feel comfortable with, making sure you are both happy with things along the way, if your relationship is solid you will have fun. We started out 20+ years ago with just myself AJ exploring my bi side and things just progressed to how we felt comfortable at the time so now we just go with the flow and enjoy the journey which as lead us to meeting some beautiful friends along the way. |
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"My wife is have concerns about the whole scene she has these fantasies and likes the idea of it all but just cant work out if it's right or wrong for her. She has experiment in the past but because we are settled thinks it might break us. I think it's a cofidence thing as well. I will follow what ever she wants as she is the most important person to me, but wondered if all women went through the same feelings and emotions. I think it is diferent for a women more personal. ladys what you think and how was it for you. oh and please if you ain't got anything nice to say keep it to your self. "
Women are much more emotional. She will have to take things at her own pace and you will have to be patient and keep reassuring her that she will always be number one. Good luck. |
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