FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Self Confidence? Help?
Self Confidence? Help?
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
hey fab
so ive been into the dating game for over a year now and I haven't even managed to get a date. (yes I'm on numerous dating apps but I'm struggling to get any matches on them either)
this has massively diminished my self confidence and any confidence in women finding me attractive..
I tried to cheer myself up by going to a club last night but because I have Asperges I just felt like a complete idiot trying to talk to any1 of similar age. so just ended up sitting alone feeling even worse than when I went. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I don't know anything about aspergers so I can't advise in relation to that. However you've met twice and seem to have coped well.
When it comes to confidence it can be very difficult if you're in a crowd and need to approach people. Would meeting one to one socially be a better option or attending organised socials where you would be introduced to people by the hosts? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately this kind of thing comes from within. I wish it weren't so, but it's not about other people but being happy in yourself. "
totally i concur
until you are happy with yourself and in your own company, |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I don't know anything about aspergers so I can't advise in relation to that. However you've met twice and seem to have coped well.
When it comes to confidence it can be very difficult if you're in a crowd and need to approach people. Would meeting one to one socially be a better option or attending organised socials where you would be introduced to people by the hosts? "
asperges is a high functioning autism so social situations can be difficult to begin with..
I do find that going to things when it's busier unless I get talking to someone early on I find it increasingly difficult to get into those groups that form or to then try and get the 'attention" of someone |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don't know anything about aspergers so I can't advise in relation to that. However you've met twice and seem to have coped well.
When it comes to confidence it can be very difficult if you're in a crowd and need to approach people. Would meeting one to one socially be a better option or attending organised socials where you would be introduced to people by the hosts?
asperges is a high functioning autism so social situations can be difficult to begin with..
I do find that going to things when it's busier unless I get talking to someone early on I find it increasingly difficult to get into those groups that form or to then try and get the 'attention" of someone "
I know a few with Asperger's and yes social situations can be awkard but look at going to the right place, talk a to few people at the social area relax and see how it goes.
sometimes this site isnt great for that or clubs |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't know anything about aspergers so I can't advise in relation to that. However you've met twice and seem to have coped well.
When it comes to confidence it can be very difficult if you're in a crowd and need to approach people. Would meeting one to one socially be a better option or attending organised socials where you would be introduced to people by the hosts?
asperges is a high functioning autism so social situations can be difficult to begin with..
I do find that going to things when it's busier unless I get talking to someone early on I find it increasingly difficult to get into those groups that form or to then try and get the 'attention" of someone "
I don't have Aspergers and find that situation difficult too. People as a group are unfriendly and unless there's one person in the group who realises how difficult it is for outsiders who's willing to make the effort to bring them in others will be excluded. That's why I suggested smaller gatherings where a good host will introduce people.
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Unfortunately this kind of thing comes from within. I wish it weren't so, but it's not about other people but being happy in yourself.
totally i concur
until you are happy with yourself and in your own company, "
I'm more getting at the lack of any type of intrest through any apps or club meets.. is what's been dragging my confidence down its making me feel very unattractive.
and my 2 meets (one was with an older lady who was just very chatty and helped comfort level, the other verification was by a club meet and the lady that I ended up talking to had a great knowledge and understanding of my condition so it allowed us to have a decent conversation outside of those meets I have had 0 intrest) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
OP, I need to be blunt. You are a man on the website that is saturated with men, and I'm sure it's a very similar case in other dating apps.
You need to grow a thick skin and just try to 'sell yourself'.
Good luck. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Unfortunately this kind of thing comes from within. I wish it weren't so, but it's not about other people but being happy in yourself.
totally i concur
until you are happy with yourself and in your own company,
I'm more getting at the lack of any type of intrest through any apps or club meets.. is what's been dragging my confidence down its making me feel very unattractive.
and my 2 meets (one was with an older lady who was just very chatty and helped comfort level, the other verification was by a club meet and the lady that I ended up talking to had a great knowledge and understanding of my condition so it allowed us to have a decent conversation outside of those meets I have had 0 intrest) "
You're not alone. Single men don't get a huge amount of interest on fab. It's got nothing to do with how attractive you are and everything to do with the fact that men are in a huge majority here and also you're probably excluded from many people's age range. Don't let it affect your confidence. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *JohnMan
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
Give ClubF a go on a Sunday. I don't know what they're like since the recent changes (I must get to one soon), but in the past they've been good quiet social sessions.
Find a small group of people talking. Ask if you can join in. Tell them you're new and nervous.
The hot tub is a good place too. You're only allowed six people at a time, so there's no noise (unless the bubbles are on) and no crowd. People are always happy to chat in the hot tub.
Even if you don't smoke, the smoking area at the back is another good one. There's no music, and fewer people.
I've found everyone there to be very friendly, once you cross that first hurdle of approaching them. And once you've broken the ice, you'll have some friendly faces to look for next time. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Give ClubF a go on a Sunday. I don't know what they're like since the recent changes (I must get to one soon), but in the past they've been good quiet social sessions.
I've found everyone there to be very friendly, once you cross that first hurdle of approaching them. And once you've broken the ice, you'll have some friendly faces to look for next time."
I've been to F a few times including Sundays.. they are good for the social side but they can also have the problem of being a sausage fest... and if one female turns up then everyone is trying to be the guy for her
I know your ment to go to clubs without any expectations but when it's 50+ min drive to any club for me I have to be fairly hopeful I'll meet someone...
I can deal with smaller social sides or if people actually say hi to me ect there's great... its when things are in the swing and if your not part of any established conversations, as I said I just ended up sitting at the side feeling like a bit of an idiot(strangely reminding me of school days / discos)
& everytime I had tried to talk to any of the females around my age they all said they were with x or y..or got very little response to go off so took it as they blatently wernt intrested in me.. mentioned this as I left to the counter lady n she said they had all come as singles... so that made me feel horrible |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Maybe try and meet like minded people without the expectation of sex being on the menu , are there any support groups with your condition in your area they may have meetings where you can talk to people like yourself , but try not to make everything about getting your end away , chat to women and be Freinds then see what happens |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"hey fab
so ive been into the dating game for over a year now and I haven't even managed to get a date. (yes I'm on numerous dating apps but I'm struggling to get any matches on them either)
this has massively diminished my self confidence and any confidence in women finding me attractive..
I tried to cheer myself up by going to a club last night but because I have Asperges I just felt like a complete idiot trying to talk to any1 of similar age. so just ended up sitting alone feeling even worse than when I went."
No disrespect, but are you looking for a Swinging partner, this site.
If you’re looking ‘to date’, I think this is the wrong site.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
No disrespect, but are you looking for a Swinging partner, this site.
If you’re looking ‘to date’, I think this is the wrong site.
"
I'm here to try and have fun and have some great experiences hopefully ... don't mean I can't be looking for an actual relationship aswell wherever that may be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
No disrespect, but are you looking for a Swinging partner, this site.
If you’re looking ‘to date’, I think this is the wrong site.
I'm here to try and have fun and have some great experiences hopefully ... don't mean I can't be looking for an actual relationship aswell wherever that may be "
I don't think swinging is your thing and your better off looking on the kinky social media for more suitable scenes.
I am autistic and like bdsm. I can go to a bdsm thing no problem but swinging things have never been for me.
I use this sight just to send inboxes and shots in the dark or banter on forums.
Loads of autistics are into bdsm. At the bdsm events things are more task orientated.
I immagine a swingers club is getting to know new people and then shagging their wife/avoiding flying cum....or just hanging around in the corner freaked out and not involved...
It really doesn't appeal to me and I think you must have experimented with the idea then realized it's not what you thought it was.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
when i was on dating sites i never came across any women that were autistic or asperger (or admitted to it). maybe dating sites aren't the best for this coz i did see men saying they were struggling.
is there no disability forums you could ask for dating advice on? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"when i was on dating sites i never came across any women that were autistic or asperger (or admitted to it). maybe dating sites aren't the best for this coz i did see men saying they were struggling.
is there no disability forums you could ask for dating advice on?"
There's women on dating sites with disabilities, Charlie has seen several such profiles in his quest for true love. My son who is in his 20,s told me men don't often get matches on dating sites due to the ratio of men to women. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"when i was on dating sites i never came across any women that were autistic or asperger (or admitted to it). maybe dating sites aren't the best for this coz i did see men saying they were struggling.
is there no disability forums you could ask for dating advice on?"
for dating sites I don't mention this at all... I litrally do as most do list a bit about my intrests any hobbies ect.. try to be appealing as possible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
also I have nothing against any women with a disability but I wasn't looking for one specifically either I was just mentioning my condition to help explain the situation |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Far fewer women are diagnosed with Autism or Asperger's than men. "
Actually it's simply because it's harder to detect in women.
We find more and more that women on the spectrum are into sensory objects like cushions and candles.
Men on the spectrum like warhammer, trains and fighter jets.
that's just a genralised example but recently females are getting detected more.
Socially women dont need to be as confident as men (i dont think) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"when i was on dating sites i never came across any women that were autistic or asperger (or admitted to it). maybe dating sites aren't the best for this coz i did see men saying they were struggling.
is there no disability forums you could ask for dating advice on?"
I've seen alot of women on dateing sights listing that they are on the spectrum.
The other website (bdsm) has forums for autistics. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
People would often say to me:
"You don't have confidence you need to work on confidence"
....but that's not the problem.
If I regulate my heartbeat through daily routine/beta blockers ocasionally my symptoms aren't bad.
I can be myself some days while other days I get "sensory overload" and my heart beats faster and I can't follow multiple conversations it a room.
My self confidence was never an issure because I always regularly made the effort to go out in public every day doing things so I didn't fall into a Howard hughs ragime.
If you follow exercise plans and "life coach routine" strictly every single day you can reduce all the unexpected variables making you anxious subliminally.
Forget learning to work on confidence with women. It's bullshit for our condition.
We get anxiety at certain times because of bad routine/no food/sleep/exercise/work stress/needing toilet
After that's done with and your in a good mood life works better. You think clearer.
You/I have excess neurons in our brains and not enough synapses to cope with our genious so we get confused. 
After diagnosis and treatment I began to notice my heartbeat and how it affected my anxiety.
I now run 8 miles per day. Now my pulse and heart rate stabilise more.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"People would often say to me:
"You don't have confidence you need to work on confidence"
....but that's not the problem.
If I regulate my heartbeat through daily routine/beta blockers ocasionally my symptoms aren't bad.
I can be myself some days while other days I get "sensory overload" and my heart beats faster and I can't follow multiple conversations it a room.
My self confidence was never an issure because I always regularly made the effort to go out in public every day doing things so I didn't fall into a Howard hughs ragime.
If you follow exercise plans and "life coach routine" strictly every single day you can reduce all the unexpected variables making you anxious subliminally.
Forget learning to work on confidence with women. It's bullshit for our condition.
We get anxiety at certain times because of bad routine/no food/sleep/exercise/work stress/needing toilet
After that's done with and your in a good mood life works better. You think clearer.
You/I have excess neurons in our brains and not enough synapses to cope with our genious so we get confused.
After diagnosis and treatment I began to notice my heartbeat and how it affected my anxiety.
I now run 8 miles per day. Now my pulse and heart rate stabilise more. "
thanks I had noticed when I'm in a relationship / being sexual with people my general mood improves. and I seem. to be able to talk to others easier... suppose its I have that back fall of someone being with me / stuff happening with them... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"also I have nothing against any women with a disability but I wasn't looking for one specifically either I was just mentioning my condition to help explain the situation "
I wasn't meaning to look for someone with autism or anything was just saying i did see guys asking for advice on them because they were autistic and never seen women do this. even on here it's been the same.
I was thinking to ask somewhere more specialised then here for advice that's all. I use a disability forums and guys ask there for dating advice. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"when i was on dating sites i never came across any women that were autistic or asperger (or admitted to it). maybe dating sites aren't the best for this coz i did see men saying they were struggling.
is there no disability forums you could ask for dating advice on?
I've seen alot of women on dateing sights listing that they are on the spectrum.
The other website (bdsm) has forums for autistics."
Think i know what site you mean and yeah it has everything because the people can create whatever they want to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"hey fab
so ive been into the dating game for over a year now and I haven't even managed to get a date. (yes I'm on numerous dating apps but I'm struggling to get any matches on them either)
this has massively diminished my self confidence and any confidence in women finding me attractive..
I tried to cheer myself up by going to a club last night but because I have Asperges I just felt like a
complete idiot trying to talk to any1 of similar age. so just ended up sitting alone feeling even worse than when I went."
Just be yourself think of all the positives Confidence will grow  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
