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Sensual side of BDSM

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By *ill-alison OP   Couple  over a year ago

kirkby

We are looking for a reliable master or Dom to show Alison the sensual side of BDSM

And help her as she has had a cple of experiences though clubs but thinks she can learn more in a one to one situation

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

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By *wickermanMan  over a year ago

Staines


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?"

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find."

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?

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By *H and HJCouple  over a year ago

Bangor


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?"

BDSM is so much more than flogging and marking-as a submissive I can vouch for the extremely sensual side of BDSM/power play when done right.

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By *icecouple561Couple  over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?"

That isn't all there is to BDSM and actually done correctly a flogging can be sensuous.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?"

There's so much sensuality to domination and submission. It's not all whips,chains and floggings. The gift of someone's trust is beautiful and should absolutely be respected and cared for .

The body is a playground of sensation and sensuality plays a vital role as far as I'm concerned.

The trouble is most just have this singular view and or experiences with one element.

It's different for everyone

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The mental side of BDSM is so critical but rarely appreciated.

The exciting moment is the anticipation and often not the act itself.

A hand can slap or spank, but it can also tickle, tease, or leave soft butterfly soft touches down the inside of a thigh.

So much about it is erotic, sensual, and incredibly arousing. The second I place a blindfold on one of my subs, their sense of touch, and hearing become heightened as they listen for the smallest clue of what I may do next....

It's my favourite part of play but needs time, trust, and someone special.....

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By *anDare70Man  over a year ago

kirkby

It’s referred to as “sensation play” in the scene

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Might watch out how this plays out

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I love shibari, that doesnt have to involve pain. Also sensory deprivation...

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By *ouble_The_DelightCouple  over a year ago

Wakefield

BDSM can be sensuous with sensation play isn't doesn't need to be all about pain but for myself I enjoy and need the pain aspect and I find sensual play doesn't do anything for us.

k

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By *acey_RedWoman  over a year ago

Liverpool


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?"

Not at all . Dominant does not equal sadist and submissive does not equal masochist. There are plenty of sensual Dominants, submissives and general kinksters out there. Many aspects of BDSM involve no pain such as rope bondage, foot/clothing/shoe fetishism, latex fetishism, tickling, wax play, sploshing, mumification, ageplay, sissification, etc.

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By *uckslut and MCouple  over a year ago

Poole

Bdsm, is just as much about the mind as it is whips and chains. Swinging play has a start and end. Bdsm, starts the second the last play finishes. The antitipation and mind games from power exchange can be stronger than a devils tounge whip across an ass.

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills

The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

People hear of 50 shades (which is a poor portrayal at best) and think they know what BDSM is , is such a vast lifestyle and covers so many different kinks and fetishes, you get a lot of “Dom’s” who have no idea what it is and use the status to manipulate. Ppl also assume it’s abuse and control and pain, when in reality, a true BDSM , d/s relationship or play are well discussed, often clear boundaries and limits are set before hand, lots of aftercare and built on TRUST can be very rewarding when done right that’s apart from the obvious sexual enjoyment. Ppl who make ignorant judgments are generally the ones without any experience or knowledge at all!

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By *istress CockneyWoman  over a year ago

LONDON


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find."

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By *adMerWoman  over a year ago

Sandwich


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?"

Some just get aroused by pain, but for others it is the heightened pleasure from just a breath or tickle of a feather etc after the pain

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By *istress CockneyWoman  over a year ago

LONDON


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all . Dominant does not equal sadist and submissive does not equal masochist. There are plenty of sensual Dominants, submissives and general kinksters out there. Many aspects of BDSM involve no pain such as rope bondage, foot/clothing/shoe fetishism, latex fetishism, tickling, wax play, sploshing, mumification, ageplay, sissification, etc."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought."

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By *ensualMan  over a year ago

Sutton

With utmost respect to the contributors, so many comments that I disagree with, where to start?

The first position is that your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it.

The second position is that there is no true way of doing bdsm. It is a broad church. The only right way is that which is consensual and works for the parties involved.

What to say about sensual bdsm?

I have to confess that I moved to bdsm from swinging and marketed myself as a "sensual dominant". I quickly discovered two things. Firstly most other sensual dominant/masters were more 'shagmeister" rather than Master, the sensual domination always ended with the dom/master getting off in someway, but did not do a lot for the sub. The sensual equivalent of 50SOG.

Secondly there is little difference in the skill levels between competent sadistic dominant and competent sensual dominants. Some of the most sadistic dominant I have met and seen in action can be immensely sensual. It is more aptitude rather than skill. The example I give is that a skilled guitarist can play any style heavy metal or jazzy riffs. It is the same instrument just a question of skill and aptitude.

BDSM is different things to different people it is a question of finding out at the negotiation what the submissive craves. To criticise another part of bdsm is as futile as the arguments about who is or is not a real swinger.

Painful BDSM?

I am always asked why I prefer to use two floggers at once (florentining), my reply is."Have you ever had a one handed massage?" You can look at Florentining on you Youtube. Also there is also a good youtube video 101 erotic flogging. There is also great DVD on flogging that can be bought at LAM.

But moving onto pain people process pain differently and process pain different depending on the situation. So a contact sport can be extremely painful but at the end you feel really good. The same for some when doing painful bdsm. Some people want the clearing of their mind that an intense session brings. That feeling after jumping into freezing cold water.

Open Minds?

Therefore rather than being critical of a different style of play try to understand who and why people are taking part.

If you are not into bdsm it is fine to be critical but read up on the subject and meet people who are take part. Before I was into bdsm I thought it was abuse, but actually and counterintuitively discovered there are people who like intense sessions and they don't even have to be submissive.

So to return OP's question, club pick up play is different from a session between connected people. Therefore I would suggest working out what hit the Mrs buttons in the club and then looking for someone who can provide the relevant skill. Possibly the club could recommend someone.

Good Luck

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By *adyJayneWoman  over a year ago

Burnleyish (She/They)


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find."

Watching someone talented can be breathtaking. Even as a masochist there is a buildup and anticipation, using differing sensations and toys can heighten the right sensations and divert the attention of the submissive... Sometimes that's a very useful skill.

Good BDSM is as much about the mental play as the physical no matter the depth of the pain inflicted.

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster

I would love to find a sensual dominant man who is not an aggressive bully

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By *asterslittlewhoreCouple  over a year ago

Edinburgh


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?

There's so much sensuality to domination and submission. It's not all whips,chains and floggings. The gift of someone's trust is beautiful and should absolutely be respected and cared for .

The body is a playground of sensation and sensuality plays a vital role as far as I'm concerned.

The trouble is most just have this singular view and or experiences with one element.

It's different for everyone"

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By *istressZoeTV/TS  over a year ago

cheshire

OP - please take a moment to view my profile and read my verifications x

I’m local and genuine x

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

The mental mind fuck is intense... Any tips on how people separate the sex from the emotion, especially in sensual play?

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"The mental mind fuck is intense... Any tips on how people separate the sex from the emotion, especially in sensual play? "

Unfortunately it is a byproduct that is difficult to navigate, as in all this play, it’s a dance, a lead, an action, a reaction, get the steps wrong and it’s no longer a dance.

Think you can cognitively write the boundaries, unconsciously is another thing.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

It's the sensual that actually got us into bdsm starting with shibari. For us it wasnt about the restriction of ones body it was the freedom to Express ourselves using her body as a canvass and the rope as a medium. The trust that is placed in each other the caressing of the skin the breath in the ear. It wasnt u till many months after we were into this and purely by accident we discovered impact play and how through that the body can be made more sensitive there by increasing the sensation and enjoyment. Using the the blanket term of bdsm is throwing a very wide net. As it means different things to different people

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By *ensualMan  over a year ago

Sutton


"It's the sensual that actually got us into bdsm starting with shibari. For us it wasnt about the restriction of ones body it was the freedom to Express ourselves using her body as a canvass and the rope as a medium. The trust that is placed in each other the caressing of the skin the breath in the ear. It wasnt u till many months after we were into this and purely by accident we discovered impact play and how through that the body can be made more sensitive there by increasing the sensation and enjoyment. Using the the blanket term of bdsm is throwing a very wide net. As it means different things to different people"

I think you are so right about bdsm being different things to different people. The same with rope shibari/kinbaku.

I enjoyed your rope pictures but these days if I am doing sensual rope my preference was best expressed in the book "Year of the Bakushi" by Sin. The review (which is not technically correct) of the book states:

"A detailed account of the human elements of kinbaku BDSM sexual bondage from an international underground performer of the deeply erotic kan’nonawa style. Without images, the book reveals the mysteries of sado–masochism, skill and connectivity of rope play using shibari techniques and psychology as a provider of carnal desires from the male perspective. The book highlights the world of a secretive bakushi - emotional, psychological and physical comprehension, values, etiquette, history, stagecraft and methodology in servicing the aims of the submissive female libido in a sometimes witty and open manner."

Funnily enough in googling the book, something I said about the book earlier on Fab appeared.

"I am currently reading the "Year of The Bakushi" by Sin and this quote captures my preferred private style of rope.

"Many only see rope bondage as visual art. That’s fine. The world is big enough for all persuasions so long as everybody consents, is being respected and nobody’s being harmed. I certainly see the beauty of a lady bound in rope. Everybody is, of course totally entitled to their views, and maybe it’s my problem, in that I struggle to comprehend what merely looking at somebody tied in rope can bring without the sado–erotic, because I enjoy the emotional, psychological and physical aspects of providing dominance and sensations too much."

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

As I see it, the psychocial far outweighs the physical, the connection and trust is vital however few allow the time and progression.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"As I see it, the psychocial far outweighs the physical, the connection and trust is vital however few allow the time and progression. "

Very well said

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By *ensualMan  over a year ago

Sutton


"As I see it, the psychocial far outweighs the physical, the connection and trust is vital however few allow the time and progression.

Very well said"

I am trying to not write long comments. I would merely say it depends on the person and the dynamic. I am against absolutes in bdsm as there will always be exceptions. But in my view it entirely depends on the subjective negotiated dynamic of the parties involved. I say this having been told by someone that they would not consider a long term relationship unless I could deliver the right impact play.

So it's strokes and folks.

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By *yx_InannaWoman  over a year ago

Burslem

BDSM is so much a wide variety. People make assumptions with the small knowledge they have about what they think it means.

Soon as I say I'm into BDSM I'm asked am I Domme or am I sub. I'm neither. Then they ask how can that be I must be a switch. Which I'm not.

I can act Domme in my capacity in its literal form. Dommes are the enablers for a sub or slave to give them what they want and crave. Not for me to tale what ever I want. The dominant takes a role of responsibility and care towards a submissive. The one with true control in a D/s relationship is the sub. Example of a subs desire - they want to be "made" to scrub my floor, butt plug in on all fours while being whipped when they miss a spot. I'm there to accommodate that to tell them what they want to hear and do what they want me to do. It will all look as if I'm the one in control and doing the ordering where as it is them. I get from it as I am a pleaser by nature and it is also an adventure. It's not one sided. But it is a lot of work and a lot of responsibility.

A true D/s relationship you will do aftercare too not just throw them out have a good day now. It's an intimate bond emotionally.

All the wannabe Doms and Dommes think it's making someone cater your needs only with no regard of the sub should pick up a few books and get online and read articles.

Sensual domination and submission the gentler side of BDSM is like pet play and daddy and little girl etc

Ownership of your submissive giving them care and attention.

Example being pet play, treating them like a pet pup. "Grooming" "choosing clothing or lack of" "feeding"

Going to a club with your pet you've chosen their outfit for. Walking them on a leash, petting them. If they enjoy humiliation and funishment tell them they been a naughty pup etc telling them they've been a good pup and belly rub.

It's not all pain humiliation and utter degradation or your greed as a dominant. It's what ever the Dom/me and submissive/slave wish it to be.

Which takes discussion and understanding, trust and bond.

All these idiots who think they can be dominant when meeting a submissive and do as they please even disregarding safe words. They are pathetic abusers only. This isnt what BDSM is. Pure and simple. If you truly want to be involved in the BDSM scene research and more research.

Don't be the predators or abusers you spoil it for everyone else.

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By *teveanddebsCouple  over a year ago

Norwich

In any thread about BDSM I see the phrase " the sub has control" bandied about and I think that is dangerous. In a lot of cases, when sub-space kicks in the endorphins mean the sub actually has no control at all. That is when it's important for the dominant to ensure that hard limits aren't breached, not give in to the subs desire for for a greater "high".

Remember folks, endorphins are addictive

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By *ncutgemMan  over a year ago

Bath ish

BDSM who ever came up with that portmanto acronym had very little imagination like most of life there is a specrtum of giving and receiving and sharing pleasure

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By *yx_InannaWoman  over a year ago

Burslem


"In any thread about BDSM I see the phrase " the sub has control" bandied about and I think that is dangerous. In a lot of cases, when sub-space kicks in the endorphins mean the sub actually has no control at all. That is when it's important for the dominant to ensure that hard limits aren't breached, not give in to the subs desire for for a greater "high".

Remember folks, endorphins are addictive "

So you ignore the fact that responsibility, care, trust, bond and understanding from the dominant being important then?

The whole reason you really shouldn't let just anyone be responsible for you in a position you can't physically control yourself.

Common sense really. It's dangerous if you would trust a complete stranger with your welfare.

When talking about a sub having control is precisely dictated by their desires and limits. Use your common sense

Soft limits are what you'd consider in the right situation or right person and mood, the maybes and possibilities.

Hard limits are things never done. You don't do hard limits so there's no breaching them in the first place (Wouldn't be a trust worthy dominant if they did) The no nos, never evers. Only 1 person can change their mind and that is the sub themselves, the dominant shouldn't involve the subs hard limits at all.

The Dom/me is meant to make sure the sub stays safe protect them, their welfare. Especially when a sub will have no way to indicate their safe words and comply with their limits.

Do I need to point out research research oh and more research.

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By *teveanddebsCouple  over a year ago

Norwich


"In any thread about BDSM I see the phrase " the sub has control" bandied about and I think that is dangerous. In a lot of cases, when sub-space kicks in the endorphins mean the sub actually has no control at all. That is when it's important for the dominant to ensure that hard limits aren't breached, not give in to the subs desire for for a greater "high".

Remember folks, endorphins are addictive

So you ignore the fact that responsibility, care, trust, bond and understanding from the dominant being important then?

"

I haven't ignored anything. Simply pointed out that there are scenarios where the sub clearly isn't in control and how I feel that making them think they are is dangerous.

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By *ina VonteeseTV/TS  over a year ago

Leicester


"In any thread about BDSM I see the phrase " the sub has control" bandied about and I think that is dangerous. In a lot of cases, when sub-space kicks in the endorphins mean the sub actually has no control at all. That is when it's important for the dominant to ensure that hard limits aren't breached, not give in to the subs desire for for a greater "high".

Remember folks, endorphins are addictive "

Very wise words indeed !

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"Is that not a bit of a contradiction of terms?

Not at all. The thrash and smash merchants talk a big game but the subtler sensual side takes empathy and a deft touch so is harder to find.

So if someone likes to be flogged and marked, for example, what's sensuous about it?

That isn't all there is to BDSM and actually done correctly a flogging can be sensuous. "

Oh yes

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"People hear of 50 shades (which is a poor portrayal at best) and think they know what BDSM is , is such a vast lifestyle and covers so many different kinks and fetishes, you get a lot of “Dom’s” who have no idea what it is and use the status to manipulate. Ppl also assume it’s abuse and control and pain, when in reality, a true BDSM , d/s relationship or play are well discussed, often clear boundaries and limits are set before hand, lots of aftercare and built on TRUST can be very rewarding when done right that’s apart from the obvious sexual enjoyment. Ppl who make ignorant judgments are generally the ones without any experience or knowledge at all! "

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By *ickedgames88Couple  over a year ago

stoke


"The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought."

OMG - This describe so much how I love to play(Mrs), sadly not always easy to find someone on the same wave length.x

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought.

OMG - This describe so much how I love to play(Mrs), sadly not always easy to find someone on the same wave length.x"

There are great people out in the world, suggest you chat to people with a more submissive nature and not us (Dom’s - Smiles).

I’m not a Dom, just someone who knows how to dance with certain sexuality .

If you connect you will have stunning fun.

Good luck Lady.

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By *ickedgames88Couple  over a year ago

stoke


"The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought.

OMG - This describe so much how I love to play(Mrs), sadly not always easy to find someone on the same wave length.x

There are great people out in the world, suggest you chat to people with a more submissive nature and not us (Dom’s - Smiles).

I’m not a Dom, just someone who knows how to dance with certain sexuality .

If you connect you will have stunning fu

Good luck Lady."

I’m sorry, didn’t intent to offend and not sure how I have Apologies.

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By *icentiousCouple  over a year ago

Up on them there hills


"The play is about overwhelming senses, to turn your partner into a sensual trance, that doesn’t have to be bondage. Impact play. It involves overcoming her (her in my case) cognitive mind so she can let go to sensually fly.

However, bondage, impact play deprivation are great ways to get to the sensual state, it deprives cognitive thought.

OMG - This describe so much how I love to play(Mrs), sadly not always easy to find someone on the same wave length.x

There are great people out in the world, suggest you chat to people with a more submissive nature and not us (Dom’s - Smiles).

I’m not a Dom, just someone who knows how to dance with certain sexuality .

If you connect you will have stunning fu

Good luck Lady.

I’m sorry, didn’t intent to offend and not sure how I have Apologies.

"

You haven’t.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Having done various demos at clubs and run fetish nights the most common one is sensual BDSM that people are after and what makes people look at the scene in a different light.

Sure there are those who cry out for the extremes but they too love the sensual side.

For most who want it, crave the touch, the caressing, the tease, the building of the sexual tension. Finding what that persons buttons Are and pushing them.

Like all forms of bdsm it takes time, practice and connecting with that person.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I'm watching this thread ...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Keeping an eye on this thread!..

I'm intrigued...

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"With utmost respect to the contributors, so many comments that I disagree with, where to start?

The first position is that your kink is not my kink but I respect your right to do it.

The second position is that there is no true way of doing bdsm. It is a broad church. The only right way is that which is consensual and works for the parties involved.

What to say about sensual bdsm?

I have to confess that I moved to bdsm from swinging and marketed myself as a "sensual dominant". I quickly discovered two things. Firstly most other sensual dominant/masters were more 'shagmeister" rather than Master, the sensual domination always ended with the dom/master getting off in someway, but did not do a lot for the sub. The sensual equivalent of 50SOG.

Secondly there is little difference in the skill levels between competent sadistic dominant and competent sensual dominants. Some of the most sadistic dominant I have met and seen in action can be immensely sensual. It is more aptitude rather than skill. The example I give is that a skilled guitarist can play any style heavy metal or jazzy riffs. It is the same instrument just a question of skill and aptitude.

BDSM is different things to different people it is a question of finding out at the negotiation what the submissive craves. To criticise another part of bdsm is as futile as the arguments about who is or is not a real swinger.

Painful BDSM?

I am always asked why I prefer to use two floggers at once (florentining), my reply is."Have you ever had a one handed massage?" You can look at Florentining on you Youtube. Also there is also a good youtube video 101 erotic flogging. There is also great DVD on flogging that can be bought at LAM.

But moving onto pain people process pain differently and process pain different depending on the situation. So a contact sport can be extremely painful but at the end you feel really good. The same for some when doing painful bdsm. Some people want the clearing of their mind that an intense session brings. That feeling after jumping into freezing cold water.

Open Minds?

Therefore rather than being critical of a different style of play try to understand who and why people are taking part.

If you are not into bdsm it is fine to be critical but read up on the subject and meet people who are take part. Before I was into bdsm I thought it was abuse, but actually and counterintuitively discovered there are people who like intense sessions and they don't even have to be submissive.

So to return OP's question, club pick up play is different from a session between connected people. Therefore I would suggest working out what hit the Mrs buttons in the club and then looking for someone who can provide the relevant skill. Possibly the club could recommend someone.

Good Luck

"

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By *rotic-TouchTV/TS  over a year ago

doncaster

Most Dom's don't understand subspace and don't offer time to achieve this in my experiences sad to say

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By *ncutgemMan  over a year ago

Bath ish

Done right shibari takes hours ive yet to find the right bunny who has the time but I have had a lot of fun and experience on many while.looking

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By *ensualMan  over a year ago

Sutton


"Done right shibari takes hours ive yet to find the right bunny who has the time but I have had a lot of fun and experience on many while.looking"

Please don't take this as a dig at you, but merely me pointing out that there are alternatives.

Therefore, I have to politely disagree with you. There is no right or wrong way to do shibari (except it has to be done safely and consensually). However, the time it takes is as long or as short as the parties require. I attend Peer ropes and beginners have a great time doing rope for a short time.

To be clear about the terms used, I would still be disagreeing with you even if you are making the distinction between 'Shibari' which is a Japanese word for general tying, but some use it for the decorative rope and 'kinbaku' a Japanese word for tight binding, normally associated with the more sexual and dynamic rope play.

If a person (which is a perfectly acceptable choice) wishes to make intricate rope patterns on their partner for hours, you will get bored bunny syndrome.There are tricks to avoid bored bunny syndrome, but not if you going on for hours.

There is no right or wrong way to do rope in an informed consensual dynamic.

If I am doing a bdsm scene, I will normally do some Ichinawa (one rope) just to connect with my partner and get in the zone. It does not take long five to ten minutes at most.

Seriously it all depends on what the parties involved want to do.

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By *ownhouseTwosomeCouple  over a year ago

Birkenhead/Liverpool

I think you're asking on the wrong site. I also don't believe in meeting Dominants online as anybody can claim to talk the talk but can they walk the walk?

You are best attending a local munch to chat to potential players and see the whites of their eyes. Ask advise from experienced attendees on the potential Dominant...are they what they say they are?

You have a munch called Kinky Drinkies in Liverpool which is busy and lots of Townhouse kinksters attend, so I can vouch for it. We also run the Wirral Munch at Townhouse and there are around 50-60 people in attendance with lots of male Dominants of various interests and levels of experience; I would also give you an honest opinion on their approach and level of experience. Both munches are free.

It's so important to find a connection with your Dominant and build up trust.. you can't really do that by chatting on Fab.

It's just my opinion and I'm sure there will be people now who step forward and say they have had a long and fruitful Ds relationships which started on Fab!

As a Domme of nearly 2 decades, I would never meet people online as my dynamic relies on a connection and I need to know my submissive play partner isn't going to scream 'assault' with the first stroke of my flogger. It has happened, believe me!! Lots of cranks out there who are waiting to take advantage!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"In any thread about BDSM I see the phrase " the sub has control" bandied about and I think that is dangerous. In a lot of cases, when sub-space kicks in the endorphins mean the sub actually has no control at all. That is when it's important for the dominant to ensure that hard limits aren't breached, not give in to the subs desire for for a greater "high".

Remember folks, endorphins are addictive "

As a sub in a true D/s relationship I can tell you that yes the subs are and should always if in a real D/s relationship have all the control , that is they can stop a scene at anytime!

The subs have set the hard limits within the negotiations with their Dom so they are things that the sub will not consent to do , so these will not be breached to get a greater high!! For a sub , to get our endorphins flowing our Dom will use the things we enjoy , what we have asked for , not our hard limits that would make no sense!!

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

Before anyone can comment on control we have to define and determine what the word actually means within a D/s relationship. Unfortunately there is no real answer but there are one or two general rules which should be followed. Firstly, communication. Second, honesty. Third, respect. All three of these are reciprocal and when balance between the parties is achieved then you have some level of power exchange which is commonly known as control. Of course control is often mistaken as a physical thing when in truth both Dominance and submission are mental. The physical stuff is purely play and whilst it's enjoyed by many it certainly isn't a prerequisite and often isn't required at all. To give ones self mentally is incredibly powerful but never forget the submissive gives to the Dominant and the Dominant gives equally to the submissive, it is a meeting of minds and although it may not look like it to the outside world it's actually balanced. Never let anyone tell you you are wrong because if it works for you within your D/s then it's all good.

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By *teveanddebsCouple  over a year ago

Norwich


"Most Dom's don't understand subspace and don't offer time to achieve this in my experiences sad to say "

And a lot of '50 Shades' doms don't understand about the come down (subbie flu) and the aftercare needed. Or how long it can last.

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By *ncutgemMan  over a year ago

Bath ish

I can loop up a pentangle in five mins and un tie it in literally seconds it look great and serves a purpose. The sub lacks the sensuity of rope sliding through knots and the build up. Decorative art takes time few true bunnies will suffer boredome in the tie but fumbling and hesitation will kill the moment

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By *ensualMan  over a year ago

Sutton


"Before anyone can comment on control we have to define and determine what the word actually means within a D/s relationship. Unfortunately there is no real answer but there are one or two general rules which should be followed. Firstly, communication. Second, honesty. Third, respect. All three of these are reciprocal and when balance between the parties is achieved then you have some level of power exchange which is commonly known as control. Of course control is often mistaken as a physical thing when in truth both Dominance and submission are mental. The physical stuff is purely play and whilst it's enjoyed by many it certainly isn't a prerequisite and often isn't required at all. To give ones self mentally is incredibly powerful but never forget the submissive gives to the Dominant and the Dominant gives equally to the submissive, it is a meeting of minds and although it may not look like it to the outside world it's actually balanced. Never let anyone tell you you are wrong because if it works for you within your D/s then it's all good. "

The balance in the interaction between the physical or mental depends on the dynamic between the submissive and dominant. For some submissives the physical part is as important or more important than the mental. Time and time again I ask people what do they mean by the mental aspect and noone comes up with a sensible answer other than you need some connection. I have googled the mental aspects of D/S many times and read many articles. The only mental element's discussed are for the play aspects such as humiliation. My own view is people insert their own mental requirements for a relationship into the D/S situation. I only say what works for you may not work for others.

Therefore as a sensual sadist my interest is the physical side, and those who crave intense physical attention.

Therefore where we agree is that there are no rules other than those the parties involved create.

I labour this point on threads as there are people who seem to want it to appear that there is something wrong or not proper with wanting a physical dynamic. I would make it clear there is nothing wrong as a submissive or or dominant to be into the physical side. The key point is to do it safely and consensually.

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By *ibblingnewtWoman  over a year ago

by the sea

For me it’s about pleasure more than pain

Pleasure can be found from doing unusual acts and pushing boundaries and acting totally different from how you are in general life, a CEO can be a whimpering baby in the right situation, a submissive that’s focused on servitude a dominate wanting perfection.

All the vanillas automatically think it’s about pain but it really isn’t for many

I’ve got whips and floggers but rarely use them it’s all depending on your kinks the other persons needs

I’ve floggers that are as soft as butter next to chain floggers that can be incredibly painful

But both can softly stimulate breasts and genitals, it’s all about communication and trust

Look for a experienced Dom/domme, better on a kink site, if it’s linked to sex you will be flooded other offers too

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"The mental side of BDSM is so critical but rarely appreciated.

The exciting moment is the anticipation and often not the act itself.

A hand can slap or spank, but it can also tickle, tease, or leave soft butterfly soft touches down the inside of a thigh.

So much about it is erotic, sensual, and incredibly arousing. The second I place a blindfold on one of my subs, their sense of touch, and hearing become heightened as they listen for the smallest clue of what I may do next....

It's my favourite part of play but needs time, trust, and someone special.....

"

wow! This

Good luck OP finding someone who can do this; it’s an amazing feeling and connection with your Dom. Personally, you have to give so much to the Dom that, for me, it’s a challenging partner to find.

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago


"I think you're asking on the wrong site. I also don't believe in meeting Dominants online as anybody can claim to talk the talk but can they walk the walk?

You are best attending a local munch to chat to potential players and see the whites of their eyes. Ask advise from experienced attendees on the potential Dominant...are they what they say they are?

You have a munch called Kinky Drinkies in Liverpool which is busy and lots of Townhouse kinksters attend, so I can vouch for it. We also run the Wirral Munch at Townhouse and there are around 50-60 people in attendance with lots of male Dominants of various interests and levels of experience; I would also give you an honest opinion on their approach and level of experience. Both munches are free.

It's so important to find a connection with your Dominant and build up trust.. you can't really do that by chatting on Fab.

It's just my opinion and I'm sure there will be people now who step forward and say they have had a long and fruitful Ds relationships which started on Fab!

As a Domme of nearly 2 decades, I would never meet people online as my dynamic relies on a connection and I need to know my submissive play partner isn't going to scream 'assault' with the first stroke of my flogger. It has happened, believe me!! Lots of cranks out there who are waiting to take advantage! "

Couldn't agree with this anymore , munches are fabulous social gatherings to go to , to meet like minded people and to get to know people . My Dominant has co run a munch for many years .

The connection with my Dominant is what made us a D/s couple , we fitted so well from the start and we have complete trust in each other , as it should be , without it we could NOT do what we do . So yes go socialize with like minded people OP

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By (user no longer on site)  over a year ago

I love munches! Went to 11 in the first month, when I joined F. So many friendly, kinky people

(Mentioning the F-site name during a profile edit, got me a 48hr automatic ban, so be careful).

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