FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Vanilla advice needed..
Vanilla advice needed..
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.
We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.
Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run... 
Any advice will be appreciated xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Experience loser-in-love here
If you are happy to give swinging up don’t say anything.
If not, you need to tell him ASAP. Otherwise, it gets messy and the more he likes you the more it’ll hurt him when he realises he can cope with your swinging side.
... well, that’s what a friend said  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.
We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.
Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run...
Any advice will be appreciated xxx"
don't mention past most guys not all wouldn't want to know and theirs only one world and one life you're living it, don't feel guilty about what you do but don't share what you don't need to  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To confess means you have something to feel guilty about. Right now you dont owe him anything as your not in relationship we all have a past. If you. Other choose to move forward and not just a single date or a one off shag. Ask yourself what sort of relationship you want and ask about his fantasies are once you find out offer to make a few of them a reality, opening the door so to speak depending on how he reacts go from there. You will get a pretty good idea by that point on how open minded he really is and what sort of relationship you might be getting into. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If he asks tell him, if he doesn't don't.
Even though the feelings are still there, you are both not the same people you once were as we grow and evolve.
If it gets serious and he doesn't accept it, then it wasn't meant to be.
Good luck and i hope it does go well  |
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By *ellytransvTV/TS
over a year ago
Solihull Hotel Friday Night |
"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.
It's a tough one xx"
I dont think it really is a tough one... if you start a new relationship just stop swinging until you discuss it with your new partner. Just see how your new relationship develops.
Swinging
Will always be there for you to get back into if you need it with your new partner included or without him if the relationship doesn't work out |
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Assuming you go further and give up swinging then that's it. If he's not into it, what's the point in trying to explain a moot point?
There's no need to mention your past unless you're bringing something from it along with you into the future.
If you can't see yourself giving up swinging then you'll just have to tell him and see what happens. You could possibly say you're curious about it and make your decision based on his reaction. |
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
You are 42 years old, he will know you will have had past lovers just as he will have had. There is nothing to confess or admit especially at this stage of your relationship.
If things work out and he truely loves you then your past will not matter to him. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
I'm always straight up and honest about everything. Things don't seem right to me unless I am.
I think you have to make your own individual decision but to me honesty is always the best quality |
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"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.
It's a tough one xx"
How honest do you hope he will be with you? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If youre getting on well and having sex , maybe ask him about his fantasys etc and see what sort of reaction you get? Test the water sort of? Anyhow good luck hope all goes well for you both |
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"I'd give it up for the right guy but I'd miss it, just dont want to lie to him but also dont want to put a spanner in the works if something develops.
It's a tough one xx
I dont think it really is a tough one... if you start a new relationship just stop swinging until you discuss it with your new partner. Just see how your new relationship develops.
Swinging
Will always be there for you to get back into if you need it with your new partner included or without him if the relationship doesn't work out"
Exactly this..... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you plan to carry on swinging then best to tell him now.
If you're happy to stop swinging for now and see where things go then no need to say anything.
If things develop and the past comes up just say you've had a few sexual relationships but nothing serious. I'd leave it at that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you are going to continue with the lifestyle whilst seeing him then I’d be upfront. If you are going to be exclusive with him then at the early stages then it doesn’t matter does it. We all have a past. If you end up in a serious relationship with him and you’d like to continue as a swinger with him then you’re going to have to have the conversation and also be prepared for him to run a mile. |
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I told a potential new female partner and she walked off calling me all sorts of names!!
Pervert seemed to used a lot
I think, if it’s a female introducing a male, he’d probably be more open to it than a female.
Let’s be honest most males would consider this heaven!
A partner that swings, happy for him to swing but goes home or back to him after!! Bliss.. |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I told a potential new female partner and she walked off calling me all sorts of names!!
Pervert seemed to used a lot
I think, if it’s a female introducing a male, he’d probably be more open to it than a female.
Let’s be honest most males would consider this heaven!
A partner that swings, happy for him to swing but goes home or back to him after!! Bliss.."
I'm not convinced he would be that way but I guess time will tell xx |
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"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.
We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.
Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run...
Any advice will be appreciated xxx"
Hide your profile for starters and just because you don't open your past doesn't make you a liar I am sure you are not going to ask about his past in detail so if he asks about certain things just say you would rather not discuss it. |
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You don't owe him any confession. If the relationship reaches the point where it becomes 'exclusive' then you can choose to end your Fab adventure or tell him its part of your life. He can then choose to accept it or not. |
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"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.
We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.
Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run...
Any advice will be appreciated xxx"
It’s just a 1st date so no need to say a thing..
If it develops into something more you can decide then, if you think you kinda need a partner to swing with it’s best to bring it up sooner rather than later, if you don’t, just leave and you’ll never need to bring it up... |
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To be fair I always like to wait with men for the prime reason that if they aren’t a swinger but find it ‘exciting’ they think they are all of a sudden invited to everything and ‘you must know a girl for a threesome’ ugh, bitch please. No.
I’d personally wait to see if he was someone I’d want to share the lifestyle as a whole with. Not just a bed. Xx |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"To be fair I always like to wait with men for the prime reason that if they aren’t a swinger but find it ‘exciting’ they think they are all of a sudden invited to everything and ‘you must know a girl for a threesome’ ugh, bitch please. No.
I’d personally wait to see if he was someone I’d want to share the lifestyle as a whole with. Not just a bed. Xx"
Eloquently put, and very true. I'm overthinking lol xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would you on an early date, list all previous sexual partners who were not met through fab?
You may want to let him know that you are bi before too long, that may crop up... the numbers and specifcs are often glossed over in new relationships between adults. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Put telling him out of your mind, at least until you see how things go, however he might run and that's a risk you take I guess.
Frankly if you are not with him it has no relevance unless you plan to continue swinging during you relationship. |
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Honesty is the best policy, I dont think its a confession you are not guilty of anything you just lead a different life style.
you can keep it quiet and see how things go and have conversation later but if you develop feelings before the conversation you both might get hurt...
question.... what happens if you keep quiet never mention it and it all works out for now you give up swinging and in few months /year you miss the lifestyle? will you go on the quiet? will you get him involved? Ive just seen a similar situation where one person thought the other was enough but eventually they needed what they gave up...
this cant be easy xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Be honest with him if he asks but he may be the type that just doesn't want to know about your past, I wouldn't just blurt it out. Have a few dates to get the measure of him and by then you'll know what to do. |
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I've said this before many a time but I've never been afraid to repeat myself  .
I would feel a bit miffed if six weeks or six months into a relationship someone revealed something to me or I somehow found something out that would have been a deal breaker early on. By the same token I don't want to waste my (or their) time and emotional energy building up a relationship only to tell them something significant about myself six months down the line that was a deal breaker for them. If I was dating with a view to establishing a relationship I would discuss everything I consider significant during the first couple of meetings. If someone doesn't like my past or the way I want to live my life on day one they aren't going to like it any better on day 101. |
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OP. You said you knew him in the past. How would he have reacted then if you said you were into swinging? What do you know of his character? Is he secure in himself or needy and insecure and likely to be unable to cope? What would his friends say to him if he approached them with the same problem from his point of view and you'd told him you have swung? Would he flip and demand you stopped? How attracted to him are you?
Listen to your subconscious, that will be your guide.
You also need to feel that this relationship has legs, whether you are swinging or not.
If swinging is an integral part of who you are and you don't want to give it up, then that has to be a factor.
Whatever you decide, be true to yourself.
Good luck
X |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
If he is sensible with his head screwed on any history no matter what it is should be a thing of the past if you are going to give it up.
What I would do is stop meets now until you tell him your sexual past as he will probably ask and then just say you where a swinger as you have sexual needs and needed sex.
Hopefully the conversion should move on to you enjoyed your time doing and happy to continue if he was interested.
If he acts totally against it he may not be the man for you. |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx |
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By *m3232Man
over a year ago
maidenhead |
"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx"
Can I meet you before you stop lol |
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"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx"
Go with your heart....but wait till the time is right I would leave here if I found love as I'm a very loyal person ....good luck |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx
Can I meet you before you stop lol "
 xx |
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"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx
Can I meet you before you stop lol
xx"
Slip us in there too  |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx
Can I meet you before you stop lol
xx
Slip us in there too "
Hehehe!!! To be fair he may hate me so we will see xx |
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"Thanks all, I'm very guilty of overthinking everything.
Hed have laughed and encouraged me back then but now? Its been a long time so who knows? If, and it's a big if, we become a couple then I'll stop swinging, but I suppose it's a wait and see kinda thing...
Xx
Can I meet you before you stop lol
xx
Slip us in there too
Hehehe!!! To be fair he may hate me so we will see xx"
Hate you?? I doubt that very much he'll whisk you away if he don't he's mad and you know we will try and console you if he don't |
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I had no idea about the swinging life. My boyfriend and I have been together now for almost 2 years. He told me just short of a year into our relationship about his swinging past. It was the best thing he ever did. He was honest with me and I respected him so much for that because he had no idea how I'd react. We now both swing together and I love it!! My advice would be totally honest with him. What ever you both do after that is up to you xx |
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Don't tell him..I went down this same road once..he recoiled and said he didn't want to date a woman from a swinging site as they were 'easy'
We are not, I know, but his perception.. Ruined the whole thing so yeah keep it quiet he doesn't need to know x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Don't tell him..I went down this same road once..he recoiled and said he didn't want to date a woman from a swinging site as they were 'easy'
We are not, I know, but his perception.. Ruined the whole thing so yeah keep it quiet he doesn't need to know x"
I agree. No way I'd tell anyone about my past. None of their business. |
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By *oodmessMan
over a year ago
yumsville |
Male or female, there's a big difference between online dating, which people accept and saying you enjoy group sex (or whatever). He'll likely run for the hills if you say the latter as jobs, houses, holidays rank well above swinging. I doubt it would even be a thought to most people when looking for a partner. |
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By *mana OP Woman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
I think people have a preconceived idea that swingers sleep with everyone... i am actually ridiculously picky. I dont sleep with everyone and I'm safe. It's hard thinking of entering a potential relationship while swinging |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think people have a preconceived idea that swingers sleep with everyone... i am actually ridiculously picky. I dont sleep with everyone and I'm safe. It's hard thinking of entering a potential relationship while swinging "
I think it's trebally hard because of it |
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"I have recently re-aquainted with a childhood crush. It has come about that he also had a crush but neither of us acted on it.
We have met for a few coffee dates and are meeting again soon for an actual date as we've both realised there are feelings still lingering.
Now I obviously don't know if anything more will happen but my fab life is playing on my mind. I know for sure he is not a swinger but do I admit to it? If I dont I'll feel like a liar which I dont want to be but if I do he may run...
Any advice will be appreciated xxx"
Clearly not a first date conversation, but at some point you need to tell him.
So the question is really when?
Second date
Second base
Second anniversary of getting together
When he moves in
Wedding night
Retirement day
You get the point. There is never a perfect time.
Also it depends on whether you want to give up swinging for him?
Personally my view is you love who you love including the bits you may not like or agree with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that life is too short to try to fit into anyone's mold, anyone that is going to be your partner should accept you for you,and not who they think you are. There's a saying " I would rather someone hate me for who I am instead of loving me for who I'm not. you like what you like, no need to feel guilty or for big confessions. It's not so much what you tell him but how you tell him, rather than saying your a swinger you can tell him you have a freaky side  , have discussions about sex and your kinks while your having fun. Do it gradually rather than a big confession that might or might not scare him off. As it grows let him know more. Like someone said above there's no harm in taking a break from swinging if it feels like it's going to get complicated. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
Southern Wales |
In all honesty for me it would depend on if you wanted to carry on swinging, if so then tell him (but not straight away, after 3rd date maybe).
If you didn’t want to then i’d Not tell him. I wouldn’t want to know the ins and outs of a new fellas past sex life and most men i’ve Dated haven’t wanted to know details about my sexual life.
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"In all honesty for me it would depend on if you wanted to carry on swinging, if so then tell him (but not straight away, after 3rd date maybe).
If you didn’t want to then i’d Not tell him. I wouldn’t want to know the ins and outs of a new fellas past sex life and most men i’ve Dated haven’t wanted to know details about my sexual life.
"
Interesting, I was the opposite and wanted to know it all.
But maybe I'm just nosey
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I'll maybe wait and see how it all pans out xx