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Should I tell or keep it a secret
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I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts  |
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By *eerobCouple
over a year ago
solihull |
Depends on how good a friend you are to the wife.
If your partner was shitting on you behind your back would you want to know. If yes then tell her...but do it subtly justin case she is fully aware....or warn hubby that you will tell her...
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Are they actually friends of yours in real life? Your OP suggests you only know they swing. What business is it of yours? Unless this is your real life best friend it is absolutely non of your business. |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Back in Gatwick! |
She will find out, eventually. That is if she doesn’t already know/suspects..
When I got an email from an acquaintance telling me my husband was at a public place being very lovey-dovey with another woman, it only confirmed the suspicions I had.
I wouldn’t personally tell anyone UNLESS it was a very close friend ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Well not sure what is your connection with couple, but if you do care about lady give a hint to guy, you know his secrets, he would be shit scared if he is cheating, if not you know it's not your area to encroach, without an cause there is no concern  |
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In this situation I would never say anything but if I absolutely felt I had to I would approach the person I believed to be cheating.
I don't know what goes on in my friends relationships and I honestly don't understand why anybody would approach the person they thought was being cheated on rather than the one they thought was doing the cheating. |
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Another scenario for you....what if you spotted your best friends husband/wife on here or knew of an affair?
Let's say you were in a faithful relationship (before fab of course!) And you later found out your partner was having an affair and your friends knew but didn't tell you, would you be annoyed? |
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By *mmixtapeCouple
over a year ago
middle earth |
The rest of these replies are crazy, if you're friends with them both, I would 100% let the other partner know. Swinging is only fun if everyone knows it's going on, I would never fuck someone who was cheating on their partner |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
keep your nose out, thats best way  |
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Do they have children ?
If the wife was a good friend of mine I'd find a way to let her know enough to raise her suspicions and I'd expect a good friend of mine to tell me if I am ever in a relationship again.
If the man was my friend then no I wouldn't tell her.
If they were both equally good friends of mine then I'd struggle to know what to do !! 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends on how good a friend you are to the wife.
If your partner was shitting on you behind your back would you want to know. If yes then tell her...but do it subtly justin case she is fully aware....or warn hubby that you will tell her...
"
I believe this ^^^ if an actual friend knew or had suspicions then I'd want them to tell me but an acquaintance wouldn't know the the whole story so no |
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The best time for someone to learn of this is when they are being honest but not triggered by someone they know in passing, who may have some secondary gain there. Outsiders don't know their relationship, circumstances, trust and agreement levels. They need to learn their ways through their relationship.
If it was a very close friend or family member, I'd largely be the same but could potentially speak with the guy. |
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"The rest of these replies are crazy, if you're friends with them both, I would 100% let the other partner know. Swinging is only fun if everyone knows it's going on, I would never fuck someone who was cheating on their partner "
Why not the partner you thought was cheating out of interest? |
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9 times out of 10 in these situations the messenger is the one that gets shot and the couple often turn on the messenger
Unless you’re prepared to tell and potentially run away/be blocked/argued with, then it’s not worth it |
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"Another scenario for you....what if you spotted your best friends husband/wife on here or knew of an affair?
Let's say you were in a faithful relationship (before fab of course!) And you later found out your partner was having an affair and your friends knew but didn't tell you, would you be annoyed?"
In answer to your first question if I felt I needed to say something I would say it to the person I "thought" was cheating.
in answer to your second question yes I'd be annoyed with my partner but not my friends, my marriage isn't their business. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not your monkey not your circus.
Leave alone and keep out of it"
Dead on correct 
Also, I have to say, with couples meeting and playing with individuals, I'd be surprised if one or other partner *didn't* occasionally play away unofficially. Just human nature. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Stay in your own lane op and concentrate on you. As the saying goes ‘never trust anyone who tells you anyone else’s business’. Even if it’s true. It’s unlikely you’ll be thanked for it. Gratitude is rarely exchanged for shit news. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have the same scenario. I’ve known for years that my workmate has been shagging another workmates wife behind his back.
It’s not nice and I don’t agree with it but it’s not my business to get involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Not your monkey not your circus.
Leave alone and keep out of it
Dead on correct
Also, I have to say, with couples meeting and playing with individuals, I'd be surprised if one or other partner *didn't* occasionally play away unofficially. Just human nature."
Totally disagree with this! Most people have morals and standards. |
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By *issyEMWoman
over a year ago
Nearly |
Such a sad story happens to me. My ex partner who I was so sure about him and loved him so much he had extra single account on fab. Then one time accidentally I found that he visited one cpl who I know. 3of them keep the secret away from me . I was so devastated as my trust and love gone. If someone would warn me maybe I will not waste any time in that relationship and get over quickly. Still healing and is so hard trust again |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Im in a similar possition...ive known this guy for about 35 years and his wife was spotted at a club with another guy. After reading all comments im not going to say anything to him. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Look at it this way: Why is it wrong?
It's wrong because she might get hurt, right?
If you tell her, she'll definitely get hurt, and you'll be responsible.
If you absolutely must speak to either of them, speak to him. He may end it quietly and she won't get hurt. On the other hand, he may react badly and you'll have to deal with that. That's the risk you take involving yourself. I guess it comes down to how strongly you feel about it. |
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"Look at it this way: Why is it wrong?
It's wrong because she might get hurt, right?
If you tell her, she'll definitely get hurt, and you'll be responsible.
If you absolutely must speak to either of them, speak to him. He may end it quietly and she won't get hurt. On the other hand, he may react badly and you'll have to deal with that. That's the risk you take involving yourself. I guess it comes down to how strongly you feel about it."
Okay... what now?!
If he’s cheating then it’s wrong because he’s breaking her trust and going behind her back. Not simply because she would be hurt as a result of that. The OP absolutely wouldn’t be responsible for her being hurt, the husband would be.
Like a few others have said, it depends how well you know them and who your loyalty is with. If I found out my close friends knew a partner was cheating on me and didn’t tell me I’d feel really betrayed by them. Yeah it would hurt in the short term but better than being continually lied to and cheated on whilst being oblivious. |
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It depends on the level of your relationship I'd say if it was one of my close friends I woukd 100%be telling her as I'd expect her to-do the same I'd rather be hurt and rid of a cheater than not know and eventually be made to look stupid because it all comes out eventually, and if you new about it all that time of be equally as upset with you for not telling me.
However if the is just let's say an acquaintance then I'd leave well alone because end of the day you don't have a relationship with her that allows you to interfere with that sort of thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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See, having been the created on party, I would want to know.
I poor woman may be going crazy with suspicions but unable to prove anything.
I would want to know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Okay... what now?!"
I dunno, I just think people in relationships do all sorts of stupid shit for all sorts of reasons. Unless you know the people very well and know their situation, I'd tread very lightly.
The probable outcome from telling her is they split up, she gets hurt and the OP almost certainly gets caught in the crossfire. The guy's definitely not going to be best pleased with the OP, at any rate. She could go either way.
Speaking to the guy, the likely outcome is he gets frightened into ending his cheating ways and they go back to normal. Yes, he gets away with whatever's gone on in the meantime, but the situation gets resolved and she doesn't get her heart broken.
There's no "clean" way to involve yourself in someone else's relationship. I'd question the motives of anyone interfering in such a destructive way. It's not always coming from an entirely altruistic place. If their relationship isn't working, shouldn't giving the guy the chance to fix it be preferable to breaking it completely just because you can? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Don’t get involved because eventually they will blame everything on you. There life’s are happy and then you come along and destroy it. |
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" Okay... what now?!
I dunno, I just think people in relationships do all sorts of stupid shit for all sorts of reasons. Unless you know the people very well and know their situation, I'd tread very lightly.
The probable outcome from telling her is they split up, she gets hurt and the OP almost certainly gets caught in the crossfire. The guy's definitely not going to be best pleased with the OP, at any rate. She could go either way.
Speaking to the guy, the likely outcome is he gets frightened into ending his cheating ways and they go back to normal. Yes, he gets away with whatever's gone on in the meantime, but the situation gets resolved and she doesn't get her heart broken.
There's no "clean" way to involve yourself in someone else's relationship. I'd question the motives of anyone interfering in such a destructive way. It's not always coming from an entirely altruistic place. If their relationship isn't working, shouldn't giving the guy the chance to fix it be preferable to breaking it completely just because you can?"
Nope, I disagree. They wouldn’t go back to normal. And the only reason her heart wouldn’t get broken is because she would still be oblivious to what he’d done. She should get to decide if she wants to stay with someone who has cheated on her. Whether the guy stops or not, he’s still done it. I wouldn’t stay with him and I’d want to know the kind of person I was with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess. If I were being cheated on, I'd probably want to know, but I think I'd have strong opinions on who I'd want delivering the news and how.
I'm pretty sure there is no "right" answer. All three options are unsatisfactory and messy. |
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I would say something because I think that people should have the balls to tell their partners (regardless of circumstances) that they don't want to be monogamous. I don't believe people should cheat and I think I've heard all the excuses under the sun about why people do so.
I think if you are sexually unhappy then you need to have that conversation and give your partner the respect they deserve.
I am in a relationship and my partner knows about everything I do. And I think that it's important to be honest. I think if people find out someone has been cheating it can be more devastating than just saying you aren't happy with what you're receiving at home.
And I think the people who are saying don't say anything would want someone to tell them if their partner was fucking someone behind their back. Even if they are swingers. |
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By *mmmMaybeCouple
over a year ago
West Wales |
"I have been put in a very difficult situation where I know the man of a a couple who swing is playing away with another woman but his partner doesn’t know.
I know morally what I need to do which is to tell her, but at two minds to do it.
Any thoughts "
Go ask her out... 
S |
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