FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Keeping safe.....how?
Keeping safe.....how?
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
I wouldnt mind if it made the woman feel safer always carry my photo driving licence on me xx
"
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By *ez1987Man
over a year ago
Great Harwood, Blackburn |
"Well when ever i go on a meet to keep safe I inform a non fab friend of where I am going and then check in when I leave.
Never had any issues though. "
Granted the exact address is never disclosed just the general area, |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"Well when ever i go on a meet to keep safe I inform a non fab friend of where I am going and then check in when I leave.
Never had any issues though.
Granted the exact address is never disclosed just the general area, "
But how would you reassure the woman that she was safe? That's about you being safe (which is also important) |
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By *ez1987Man
over a year ago
Great Harwood, Blackburn |
"Well when ever i go on a meet to keep safe I inform a non fab friend of where I am going and then check in when I leave.
Never had any issues though.
Granted the exact address is never disclosed just the general area,
But how would you reassure the woman that she was safe? That's about you being safe (which is also important)"
Well I'd not agree to meet at her house to begin with I'd like to chat with her via messages more and arrange a social at a local coffee shop where is safe for both parties being cameras and locals about. |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
I simply dont meet at home. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meet him first at a local coffee shop maybe"
it is either a risk you all take meeting at someone's house and a big risk
I think meeting socially first is always a must ... |
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"Meet him first at a local coffee shop maybe
But he still could not be who he said he was."
In which case it would be much easier and safer for you to say no and walk away, due to the public nature of the place. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
If he or she turned up and looked like nothing like the profile then I would not invite them in is one option but is that really safe of letting in a complete stranger into your house not really knowing them is so unsafe these days. Still it is your call and your choice. Life is full of risks some are good ones some not so good |
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
Don't invite them to your house for a meet until you've built up that trust.
If you're having to ask for id proof I'd say you're not ready to take him home for fun. |
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We do not meet at our home address but will meet at a pub or restaurant etc and then go on elsewhere.
If Ann meets anyone on her own it is a condition that texts or rings with the full address.
More recently we have added GPS locator to both our phones for added security/safety. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
I have no issue with meeting in public first, but that doesn't give me the security of anything other than knowing they have a face that matches a photo.
If something happened (to either person) and you needed to deal with the situation. With no name or details then what can you do?
I have a real reason to be wary because of something that happened to a friend.
I'd be happy to prove who I was by showing photo ID but am I unusual in this? |
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
No issues at all, in fact I was on a Tinder date not long ago (due to my job) she told me her son was going to get an update every 30 minutes or a call after an hour. I was happy that she was confident I was safe a meet to tell me, I even have a CRB certificate to show if needs be. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"We do not meet at our home address but will meet at a pub or restaurant etc and then go on elsewhere.
If Ann meets anyone on her own it is a condition that texts or rings with the full address.
More recently we have added GPS locator to both our phones for added security/safety. "
They're both good ideas thanks. And I think it reinforces my point that someone visiting my house will have my address, so I feel that I should know who they are. That only seems reasonable.
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"
I wouldnt mind if it made the woman feel safer always carry my photo driving licence on me xx
"
Thanks this makes me feel much better. I thought maybe people would think I was being unreasonable. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"
No issues at all, in fact I was on a Tinder date not long ago (due to my job) she told me her son was going to get an update every 30 minutes or a call after an hour. I was happy that she was confident I was safe a meet to tell me, I even have a CRB certificate to show if needs be. "
I've got one of those too ??
Can you imagine having that a meet criteria ??
Thanks, glad it's not just me x |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I don't meet at home for this, reason.
Regardless, I have a safety person who knows who I'm meeting, what I know about them, and where I'm going. And I have a social only social first. "
Maybe this is what I need to do. That said, I'd still want to know if I was meeting in a hotel. I feel like if someone isn't willing to tell you their name then they are hiding something. |
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"I don't meet at home for this, reason.
Regardless, I have a safety person who knows who I'm meeting, what I know about them, and where I'm going. And I have a social only social first.
Maybe this is what I need to do. That said, I'd still want to know if I was meeting in a hotel. I feel like if someone isn't willing to tell you their name then they are hiding something."
There's a lot of people I've met where I don't know their full name, or them mine. Discretion takes many forms, and not being willing to connect swinging with the rest of your life (for example, I do voluntary work with vulnerable adults, so I hide myself) doesn't make you a bad person. |
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I am always happy to meet in public for a coffee and chat first and will always suggest that to anyone I am looking to meet. Being in a polyamorous relationship my partner is always aware of where I am and who I am with so it's not too much of a problem for us. |
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"If you have a mobile number, the police would be able to trace the owner from that if needed. "
Only if it's registered!
I'm one who generally thinks people are good until proven otherwise, but--I always trust my gut. If any ANY point the guy I'm meeting says or does anything that feels off, in ANY way, I end things there. It could be just a random comment said "as a joke," but if it feels like there's anything more to it, it's a definite, non reversible no from me.
Joking and banter is one thing--but you get a feel for whether it's said otherwise.
I have entertained at home, at times. Never had a problem. |
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I always switch to WhatsApp before meeting, chat on there and a video chat.
If I am giving out my address and inviting someone into my home then I expect them to give out their number.
This gives me a little safety as in if anything dangerous ever did happen they could be traced by the authorities.
Anyone who says no to a phone number I don't meet as it just makes me think they are either dodgy or not single which either I would not want in my home |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"
There's a lot of people I've met where I don't know their full name, or them mine. Discretion takes many forms, and not being willing to connect swinging with the rest of your life (for example, I do voluntary work with vulnerable adults, so I hide myself) doesn't make you a bad person. "
That's true, I suppose for me it's not about a connection to their life, I don't want anyone to have a connection to mine as I have a sensitive job too. It's just about a reassurance that they're who they say they are.
Not for any reason other than if they do something then I know who they are.
I guess we all are a product of our experience and I've had a few that leave me realising my vulnerability. That's not to say I'm not confident, I am. But I'm aware that I'm mortal (sadly) |
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"
There's a lot of people I've met where I don't know their full name, or them mine. Discretion takes many forms, and not being willing to connect swinging with the rest of your life (for example, I do voluntary work with vulnerable adults, so I hide myself) doesn't make you a bad person.
That's true, I suppose for me it's not about a connection to their life, I don't want anyone to have a connection to mine as I have a sensitive job too. It's just about a reassurance that they're who they say they are.
Not for any reason other than if they do something then I know who they are.
I guess we all are a product of our experience and I've had a few that leave me realising my vulnerability. That's not to say I'm not confident, I am. But I'm aware that I'm mortal (sadly)"
Oh I get that, believe me. I have my own safety measures in place, I just don't include revealing identity in them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
There's a lot of people I've met where I don't know their full name, or them mine. Discretion takes many forms, and not being willing to connect swinging with the rest of your life (for example, I do voluntary work with vulnerable adults, so I hide myself) doesn't make you a bad person.
That's true, I suppose for me it's not about a connection to their life, I don't want anyone to have a connection to mine as I have a sensitive job too. It's just about a reassurance that they're who they say they are.
Not for any reason other than if they do something then I know who they are.
I guess we all are a product of our experience and I've had a few that leave me realising my vulnerability. That's not to say I'm not confident, I am. But I'm aware that I'm mortal (sadly)"
Nothing about meeting people online is safe at all lol. Its as simple as that. Only thing you can do agreed, meet for a drink in a local public place. Suppose you'll have a sense about the other person. If it's safe to invite/ be invited round theirs. |
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I think as with anything, there are degrees of risk. Meeting online is perhaps riskier than meeting a friend of a friend, but who's to say that the friend of a friend decides that particular day to behave wildly out of character or the law hasn't caught up with him/her yet?
It's about doing what you can to reduce risk. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I think as with anything, there are degrees of risk. Meeting online is perhaps riskier than meeting a friend of a friend, but who's to say that the friend of a friend decides that particular day to behave wildly out of character or the law hasn't caught up with him/her yet?
It's about doing what you can to reduce risk. "
Exactly, I guess I just have to stick to what I feel is acceptable and if the other person isn't OK with that then it's not the right situation. (same goes for them too) |
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
Ask his mum to write a reference for him  |
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No one is 'safe'. Any guy can over come a woman at any point. I've had FWB for over 8 years, one I had to kick out recently as he turned up d*unk. Never had a problem with him before, but once d*unk he's a different person. If a meet doesn't go well, or I feel unsafe, then I've chucked their clothes out the window! I am always in reach of my phone. |
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"I think as with anything, there are degrees of risk. Meeting online is perhaps riskier than meeting a friend of a friend, but who's to say that the friend of a friend decides that particular day to behave wildly out of character or the law hasn't caught up with him/her yet?
It's about doing what you can to reduce risk.
Exactly, I guess I just have to stick to what I feel is acceptable and if the other person isn't OK with that then it's not the right situation. (same goes for them too)"
It’s a huge risk inviting someone (anyone) into your home that you’ve met online. Male or female. You wouldn’t do it from a dating website so why here? I would prefer a social first and would be happy to prove my character. |
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One reason we never meet at home ,even though we met as a couple we still have a social chat meet so both of us can decide if we feel comfortable enough to go forward ,having hubby there is my safety blanket ....works for us . |
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By *ittleMissCaliWoman
over a year ago
trouble most likely, or creating it :) |
"I have no issue with meeting in public first, but that doesn't give me the security of anything other than knowing they have a face that matches a photo.
If something happened (to either person) and you needed to deal with the situation. With no name or details then what can you do?
I have a real reason to be wary because of something that happened to a friend.
I'd be happy to prove who I was by showing photo ID but am I unusual in this?"
I certainly wouldn't show someone photo id on a meet but I don't do many private meets. Id expect a guy to tell me to do one if i asked him to do so |
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Whenever we meet a single lady for the first time we always do so in a public place, and make sure she’s perfectly happy before going anywhere else.
One of our friends came back to our place after a first meet, she asked if it was ok to give our address to a friend of hers and that was fine with us. Regards a meeting in their home, have never done it, if it’s a distance away then we’ll get a hotel. |
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I prefer to meet people in a public place in daylight.
I never go to people's homes for a first meet.
I never go straight home either, I take a detour all around the houses just incase.
We only ever invite people back to ours when we feel we can trust them.
Everyone has their own ways of doing things. |
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By *etro1940sCouple
over a year ago
Kingston upon Thames |
"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
I simply dont meet at home. "
We agree - either a club or a hotel (club best)
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"Men - As a single guy being invited to a single girl's house for a meet, how would you feel about being asked to provide some proof of name or address?
Women - how do you deal with this situation?
xx
"
Fake ID is easy enough to find if you're that way inclined.
I would never go back to an unknown house for a meet, be that with a male, female or couple I'd never met before or invite them back to mine.
You need to do your own due diligence. A social in a public place first. Meet at a hotel not someones home. Photograph car reg maybe and forward to a trusted friend.Go with your gut feeling and don't be embarrassed to bail immediately if something seems "off".
None of these are failsafe, but your safety is your responsibility.
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By *azpiz1Man
over a year ago
Camberley |
I'd always offer to meet socially. There is always risk though as a previous poster pointed out.
CRB (DBS now) is really not worth anything, as it only shows your status on the day it was issued... you could be in court for pedophilia and still have a clean DBS... sorry!
Maybe have a friend (fab or otherwise) that would contact the police if they don't hear from you for a given time? Could be awkward if you did hit it off and things moved quicker than expected...  |
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"Before we all met on the Internet, we pulled in bars and clubs and woke up Coyote Ugly.
All ID can be faked.
Maybe this is my issue. I never have!"
You either weren’t alive pre internet or were a child, nobody had the luxury of checking people out before meeting, we relied on friends, instinct and took ownership. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"
You either weren’t alive pre internet or were a child, nobody had the luxury of checking people out before meeting, we relied on friends, instinct and took ownership."
I was, just about. But it just wasn't something I did.
I didn't want to check him out. I wanted to know his name before inviting him into my house. I wasn't planning on writing to his boss!
I was taking ownership, of my safety. I guess we all just do it in different ways. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I'd always offer to meet socially. There is always risk though as a previous poster pointed out.
CRB (DBS now) is really not worth anything, as it only shows your status on the day it was issued... you could be in court for pedophilia and still have a clean DBS... sorry!
Maybe have a friend (fab or otherwise) that would contact the police if they don't hear from you for a given time? Could be awkward if you did hit it off and things moved quicker than expected... "
I was joking about the DBS earlier...that would be weird.
I get the checking up thing, but it's not that, it's more about feeling confident that a person is who they say they are.
It's the imbalance of power I think. If someone comes to your house they have access to everything you are. In return you ask for their name.
Maybe I'm too cautious. Although as I mentioned above I have good reason to be. |
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By *izzy.Woman
over a year ago
Stoke area |
I never invite someone to my home even after meeting in daylight in a cafe etc.
One chap turned up 6 months later as I was serving Sunday dinner to my children! I was having a break from the site and he thought cos he couldn't find me on fab, that he would just turn up.
You are not safe in a hotel room. Why not arrange to meet at a club. Then if there is an issue you can raise your voice and get help from people around . I have never had an issue, but it's reassuring that there are others close by just in case. Nobody needs to know real names, addresses or anything and if your meet doesn't show up, there's lots of others around who might take your fancy.
Win win and safe  |
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We met a single woman on here before. She asked for the car reg and description, also as the meet was taking place at our house she asked for our full address.
We had already made sure she was 100% real so we sent all the details and she sent it to her friend. She text the friend before, during and after.
Saftey first people. She was doing it the smart way and we weren't at all offended. |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"We met a single woman on here before. She asked for the car reg and description, also as the meet was taking place at our house she asked for our full address.
We had already made sure she was 100% real so we sent all the details and she sent it to her friend. She text the friend before, during and after.
Saftey first people. She was doing it the smart way and we weren't at all offended. "
This reply makes me happy and reassured that I should stick to my principles and trust my judgment. Thank you x |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"I never invite someone to my home even after meeting in daylight in a cafe etc.
One chap turned up 6 months later as I was serving Sunday dinner to my children! I was having a break from the site and he thought cos he couldn't find me on fab, that he would just turn up.
You are not safe in a hotel room. Why not arrange to meet at a club. Then if there is an issue you can raise your voice and get help from people around . I have never had an issue, but it's reassuring that there are others close by just in case. Nobody needs to know real names, addresses or anything and if your meet doesn't show up, there's lots of others around who might take your fancy.
Win win and safe "
I think I'm going to seriously consider this as an option. It makes lots of sense. I'm just unsure about going on my own but I guess you could meet in a bar first. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I ask for an up to date DBS check, a tuft of hair for DNA purposes and then the driving licence too.
There's just no other way of being safe these days Haha |
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By *mber OP Woman
over a year ago
Preston |
"If they wanted photo ID I'd assume they were trying to steal my identity and tell them to do one. "
Steal your identity by looking at something with your name and face on? I wasn't asking for solicitor approved photocopies. Just a quick glance at something!
I have to show my ID at work numerous times a day, it's never crossed my mind that someone would be trying to steal my identity! |
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Hi OP x
Well I have had a bad experience from a meeting. So all my meets I have a social first and this can be at a pub/coffee house/restaurant/ or club. If we hit it off then usually I will get a hotel room and do this until I am comfortable knowing the person is not a Nutter or thief then invite them back.
Usually you can have a gut feeling about the person if they are decent and will keep you safe. |
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Even if someone gives you their number for WhatsApp just still be careful. You can get apps that generate a mobile number and that can be used for a WhatsApp account, so not a registered mobile phone. I think it’s always good to have your wits about you. Stay safe guys x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I ask for an up to date DBS check, a tuft of hair for DNA purposes and then the driving licence too.
There's just no other way of being safe these days Haha"
Don't forget fingerprints and a copy of their passport...
Seriously folks you can have a public meet and they are charm personified but behind closed doors.... they turn into nutters.
How many women are murdered by their 'loving' boyfriends every single day....?
Do what you feel is right for you, personally I have a lot of chat and exchanges of pics, chat on the phone too...if I don't feel comfortable I just don't go through with it.
Life is a risk and all we can do is try to minimise the risk as best we can. |
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If you meet a random guy or girl in a bar do you insist on seeing their ID? There are plenty of genuine reasons why someone on fab wants to keep things anonymous. Of course everyone has their own meeting criteria, if insisting both parties share identities forms part of your personal safety strategy then you are entitled to have this as a red line. A lady like yourself op, you be as selective as you like, if a guy is unable or unwilling to meet your requirements there are plenty others out there who would jump at the chance.
Even as a guy I would be very reluctant to turn up at a house or hotel of a stranger unless the verifications are exceptional. Who knows what might lie in wait! I try to make sure any first meeting is somewhere public, someplace that has CCTV. If the meet at least looks like their profile it’s a start |
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If you are inviting strangers into your home for sex then that comes with risks. Yes you can do your home work, ask them what their address is, even ask for ID. However people lie, and there is certainly no guarantee that they will not go all psycho stalkerish after the meet. Some very sick people on here. But it is your choice. Is a fuck worth it? Only you have the answer. |
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