FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swinging Support and Advice > Should I have to tell
Should I have to tell
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
If people don't read your profile then that's on them, but yes, I think you should keep being honest about it. |
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Be true to yourself plus after final op you can call yourself a woman fully dont have to keep calling yourself trans can use postop if you wish but trans be kinda wrong if fully transitioned? Just my view x |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
It's a good question. Should you be forced to be "woman*" on here when in all other parts of your life the asterisk is not needed?
On the other hand, you've always seemed very open about who you are, and I'm sure your personality hasn't changed. So, as with everything else, what's right is what's right for you.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It's a good question. Should you be forced to be "woman*" on here when in all other parts of your life the asterisk is not needed?
On the other hand, you've always seemed very open about who you are, and I'm sure your personality hasn't changed. So, as with everything else, what's right is what's right for you.
"
Thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Your profile is fantastic and if they cannot be bothered to read it then their disadvantage . You have a stunning figure and a great bathroom  "
thank you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Maybe put in first line of bio so it's clear, plus most don't read further. Always being upfront and clear the best way. Are you being open after op on here? "
i always read all your pics fi |
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Your profile is pretty damn transparent and clear so you have no need to tell anyone. But maybe making sure a meet is aware the avoid wasting your time if that doesn't float their boat?.
Safeguarding your cute ass more than anything else xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Maybe put in first line of bio so it's clear, plus most don't read further. Always being upfront and clear the best way. Are you being open after op on here? "
This is what I’m asking.
I’m open about it now to save embarrassment when the clothes come off.
Once I’m complete and healed it will be very hard to tell that nature didn’t make my foof without surgical help..... so should I still have to tell? That’s my question.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
I guess it comes down to whether you would want to hide it? It is a not insignificant part of your identity, so if you want to be open about it then go with your heart.
You look great x
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By *hloevtTV/TS
over a year ago
norwich |
Firstly, you look stunning !
You have been so honest to yourself ,that is what's truly important.
If people don't bother reading your profile they are not worth of bothering about.
If you message with people and drop the "trans" in early and they run and hide then they are not worthy of some one as interesting and beautiful as you.
You are an inspiration xxx Chloe Xxx |
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
Well it does say you are a woman on your profile, so I would expect that, and it does mention it just at the end. |
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You definitely should.
You have yourself labelled as woman on here and not trans (which I can totally understand) but you have to be honest and let people make that decision.
Others do deserve to know but it's not just that, it's for you own safety too. There's been many vicious crimes against trans women because they hooked up with someone who wasn't aware and got very angry and attacked the woman. |
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"Maybe put in first line of bio so it's clear, plus most don't read further. Always being upfront and clear the best way. Are you being open after op on here?
This is what I’m asking.
I’m open about it now to save embarrassment when the clothes come off.
Once I’m complete and healed it will be very hard to tell that nature didn’t make my foof without surgical help..... so should I still have to tell? That’s my question. "
As a cis woman I don’t know how useful my advice can be. But I would ask you, how would it make you feel to keep outing yourself? Would it bother you or make you uncomfortable? If it wouldn’t bother you, I do think it might be safer for you to keep it on your profile and/or mention it to anyone you’re considering meeting - if they might react negatively, better to have it at a distance where you can block and report, rather than in person where you could be in danger. That’s my primary concern, that you do what’s safest for you, not simply what appeases the most people.
Speaking for myself, I wouldn't care in the slightest if I met someone who hadn’t told me they’re trans. The only reason I’d want to know is if their genitals needed to be treated differently from what I might be expecting. But I realise I’m probably in the minority there. |
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By *errysMan
over a year ago
milton keynes and kent |
For what it's worth, here is my take on it.
Recently while at a club i had sex with a woman.
Afterwards my regular partner said "how did it go", i said fantastic but i couldnt find her clit.... she ribbed me about it a bit and we carried on.
Now then, here is the point... later, after the club my oh asked around and discovered who the lady was ...she is post op...the honest thing is that i wish i didnt know, as far as i was concerned she was a she and a very nice lady she is too.
So in answer to your question no need to tell. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
I don't think you do. It's your business no one else's x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would definitely want to know before meeting.
However whether they read your profile or not you have plenty of photos public for them to see, so it's not as if you are trying to hide the fact. |
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do.
I don't think you do. It's your business no one else's x "
Actually it's the business of anyone she's sleeping with too. They should be allowed to make the decision.
We'd happily play with someone post op, but we'd want to know beforehand. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't *have* to tell anyone. You're the one who needs to feel comfortable with whatever you do though. Your call completely OP and no one else's opinion should matter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do.
I don't think you do. It's your business no one else's x
Actually it's the business of anyone she's sleeping with too. They should be allowed to make the decision. "
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By *lex46TV/TS
over a year ago
Near Wells |
You look absolutely wonderful and if somebody hasn't realised you are trans that is their problem. You have made it perfectly clear in your profile.
I would probably still tell them but in the final message after they've messaged you to say they're on the way |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"My instinct is to say it's not really anyone else's business but your own.
What material difference would there be between yourself and a woman born as such? "
Very little. basically my body will be very similar to someone who’s had a hysterectomy. So my vagina will end where my cervix would be.
To a lover, I’d be the same as any other woman. Perhaps needing some extra lubricant. 
I’ll have a clitoris and look pretty much as I should. Hopefully neat and tidy. A proper designer vagina.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’re a woman. I don’t see why that would need any further clarification, personally. I do understand the fear that someone may find out and get angry though, which I suppose comes down to choosing the right guys to sleep with? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If the whole point about transition is to become a woman then I dont understand why you should be expected to describe yourself as anything other than you are |
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By *elly72Woman
over a year ago
glasgow |
If you’re meeting off a site like this it’s obviously just for sex then no. Different story if you were wanting a proper relationship in the real world then I think it’s probably something that should be said at the beginning. |
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Tempted to say that you shouldn't have to keep asterisking yourself like that especially with new casual partners, but the practicalities of this site might mean it's safer to keep ing out the people who don't know that your trans when they approach you. Given that you might be in a more intimate and vulnerable setting with them.
PS you look amazing in all your photos!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have to? No. People might prefer to know but that doesn't entitle them to know, it might be a different magnitude but it's not different in principle to knowing who else you fuck, whether your sexuality has changed over time etc.
I can see why you'd want to, and I don't think there's anything wrong with being explicit (just to avoid bad meets) but that's a choice rather than an obligation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have always been naturally open and honest on here because that seems to be who you are. It is in your profile so even if you choose not to tell people then you are not being dishonest.
My thoughts are to simply be you, if it feels right for you to tell then do it - but don’t feel you have too. |
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I think you should be upfront so that you’re not taking away someone’s right to choose. Not everyone would be happy to play with a trans person, they have to have that information upfront to consent.
Everyone you meet should absolutely be respectful of you and your journey, but I think respect works both ways.
I’m bisexual and enjoy play with men and woman equally. I would still expect to have all the pertinent information upfront before I played with someone. And for a lot of people, whether you are trans or not is pertinent information. I don’t think you can make the decision for them that it’s not. I wouldn’t be happy to be told after the fact. I’d find it really disrespectful.
Lots of people on here, especially men, don’t read profiles. We all know that. With there being a TV/TS category, anyone not looking for category that can avoid it without any confrontation or any explanation required and might not expect, when searching for a woman, to find a trans woman. I think you have a responsibility to tell them.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Should you *have* to tell? No, absolutely you shouldn't, you make it clear on your profile and that *should* be enough (although there is a possible argument that perhaps it should be included at the start rather than tucked away towards the end, but totally understand not wanting to make a *thing* of it by putting it in lights like that)
Would it be *wise* to tell? Then that is a somewhat different question and I think the answer is yes it would, for your protection as much as to allow the other person an informed decision (even if that does mean they can't read!!). Sadly there are some out there that would react in the most terrible way if they felt they had been misled, even though they have absolutely no reason to think so.
Those of us that have been here a while have followed your beautiful journey closely and I for one admire you for how open and honest you have been about it from the start. Keep being you |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The op says once has she has had her operation should have to tell people?
Not whilst she is pre op. So there wo t be any surprises popping out. She will have a vagina.
Why does she have to keep telling people?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I think I’ll just carry on being open if I’m planning on meeting.
Day to day I’m learning to keep my gob shut and I can’t remember the last time I was misgendered. |
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"I think I’ll just carry on being open if I’m planning on meeting.
Day to day I’m learning to keep my gob shut and I can’t remember the last time I was misgendered. "
I think it only matters for intimacy. For general, everyday interaction it really is no one else’s business but yours. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Would you want to meet someone who might fly into a violent rage if they were to find out?
Your safety is the main reason I think it might be a good idea to tell people in advance.
But you look great and your smile is so joyful, good luck with your procedure! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think I’ll just carry on being open if I’m planning on meeting.
Day to day I’m learning to keep my gob shut and I can’t remember the last time I was misgendered.
I think it only matters for intimacy. For general, everyday interaction it really is no one else’s business but yours. "
I always assumed it was really obvious. I was seeing a guy for 7months last year and he made me realise most people don’t notice. I still have a strong dysmorphia regarding my looks and so still find it hard to believe but I’m getting better x |
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I don't believe so, personally. Nobody ever expects someone to out themselves as cis. It irks me when people think trans people have an obligation to reveal that about themselves. For safety's sake, it is considered wise to explain to someone before sex if your body might not match their expectation, but it shouldn't be an obligation if you don't want to tell. Even the initial telling can still lead to a safety compromise. Lame egos and ignorance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't believe so, personally. Nobody ever expects someone to out themselves as cis. It irks me when people think trans people have an obligation to reveal that about themselves. For safety's sake, it is considered wise to explain to someone before sex if your body might not match their expectation, but it shouldn't be an obligation if you don't want to tell. Even the initial telling can still lead to a safety compromise. Lame egos and ignorance."
I’m kinda hoping my body exceeds most people’s expectations of a 50 yr old woman. Once my scaring fades there will be few clues to my original condition. |
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"I don't believe so, personally. Nobody ever expects someone to out themselves as cis. It irks me when people think trans people have an obligation to reveal that about themselves. For safety's sake, it is considered wise to explain to someone before sex if your body might not match their expectation, but it shouldn't be an obligation if you don't want to tell. Even the initial telling can still lead to a safety compromise. Lame egos and ignorance.
I’m kinda hoping my body exceeds most people’s expectations of a 50 yr old woman. Once my scaring fades there will be few clues to my original condition. "
I wouldn't have thought 50, you look fantastic. Everyone's bodies are a bit different than someone else's, and most have scars of some sort, you'd like to think it wouldn't matter. It will to some folk, but hey, fuck them (or rather, don't. They don't deserve it.)  |
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Well darling i would as identify who you are really...
A stunning lady if people are interested in labels and originality tell then to go forth and collect mint untouched airfix kits or something like that darling!
Live your dream and sod opinions |
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We played with a lady at a club and later found out she was post op. Neither of us realised and we didn't mind at all. She was a great lady and we had a lot of fun.
Be true to yourself. If you are happy in yourself not saying post op. That's your choice and no one elses business.
You look great btw. I'd kill for your legs! |
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"I think I’ll just carry on being open if I’m planning on meeting.
Day to day I’m learning to keep my gob shut and I can’t remember the last time I was misgendered.
I think it only matters for intimacy. For general, everyday interaction it really is no one else’s business but yours.
I always assumed it was really obvious. I was seeing a guy for 7months last year and he made me realise most people don’t notice. I still have a strong dysmorphia regarding my looks and so still find it hard to believe but I’m getting better x"
Once you’ve had your op then I’m sure it’d be difficult to tell at all, so you can’t rely on people knowing by looking at you. Which I suppose is the best possible result really. |
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"No absolutely not. If the change to full female is complete, that's what you are, the rest is a privilege to be told"
We don't live in that world yet where things just are what we say they are. It would be nice if things where black and white but it's all really just one big shade of grey we all have to navigate.
Just because you accept something does not mean others do. When there are two parties involved, both parties need all the relevant facts to make an informed decision....and OPs situation is a relevant fact. We have to be realistic about it.
Hopefully OP mentioning it on her profile is enough but this is Fab. Some things you need to double check and this is one of those things. Half the time some people can not even string a sentence together thats not text speak so never assume they took a few moments to read someones profile.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
Your profile, you do as you please! Whatever you're comfortable with..... |
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
I've spoken to you op and I think you should be very proud of who you are and the journey you have taken. Fab is an amazingly supportive , mostly non judgemental group of people who will be happy to accept the real you. Unfortunately outside the community its a bit of a mine field but the person who deserves you will accept you for who you are. They will be getting a woman with more strength and bravery than most people and will be lucky to have you. Be proud. Stay strong and just be you |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do.
I've spoken to you op and I think you should be very proud of who you are and the journey you have taken. Fab is an amazingly supportive , mostly non judgemental group of people who will be happy to accept the real you. Unfortunately outside the community its a bit of a mine field but the person who deserves you will accept you for who you are. They will be getting a woman with more strength and bravery than most people and will be lucky to have you. Be proud. Stay strong and just be you"
Thank you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't live in that world yet where things just are what we say they are. It would be nice if things where black and white but it's all really just one big shade of grey we all have to navigate.
Just because you accept something does not mean others do. When there are two parties involved, both parties need all the relevant facts to make an informed decision....and OPs situation is a relevant fact. We have to be realistic about it.
Hopefully OP mentioning it on her profile is enough but this is Fab. Some things you need to double check and this is one of those things. Half the time some people can not even string a sentence together thats not text speak so never assume they took a few moments to read someones profile. "
Honestly it doesn't matter what other people accept. It's not their business.
Is there a list of what facts are "relevant" or can we all just accept that if it's not gonna cause harm (e.g. an sti, vagina dentata etc) you don't need to disclose anything you don't want to for a meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hello, you have said that you think you should and we would agree. Stepping aside from any activism we feel it's ethically correct to inform potential sexual partners - and probably safer physically and emotionally for you too. How would someone feel if they felt mislead, how would you feel about how they feel ? If they even hinted at questioning if you have transitioned would you tell them immediately or brush off the question? How comfortable would it be to potentially have to be different in presentation to different people according to what you told them ? Or will you be resolute in not wavering from 'I am a woman'
I think that in ordinary walks of life this is all very well and good and absolutely your new life but the question of casual or potential long term sexual partners requires a necessarily more candid chat. Your truth may not be acceptable to everyone. Would you fish from a pool that you are confident WILL be fine, then maybe there will be no problems. However, some people would be devastated. We are both aware of kink and alternative lifestyles for example but it would be foolish to think everyone has thought it all through in theory so that the question you seek to be answered would be something they have already considered.
We are curious to know if not having to divulge your history is a validation of you as a person,a bricked up wall to your original form, was this the aim ? Struggling to express this question but feel it's probably getting to the root of it. |
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"We don't live in that world yet where things just are what we say they are. It would be nice if things where black and white but it's all really just one big shade of grey we all have to navigate.
Just because you accept something does not mean others do. When there are two parties involved, both parties need all the relevant facts to make an informed decision....and OPs situation is a relevant fact. We have to be realistic about it.
Hopefully OP mentioning it on her profile is enough but this is Fab. Some things you need to double check and this is one of those things. Half the time some people can not even string a sentence together thats not text speak so never assume they took a few moments to read someones profile.
Honestly it doesn't matter what other people accept. It's not their business.
Is there a list of what facts are "relevant" or can we all just accept that if it's not gonna cause harm (e.g. an sti, vagina dentata etc) you don't need to disclose anything you don't want to for a meet."
It’s no one else’s business on a superficial level, but surely you agree that it would be someone else’s business if they were going to have sex? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s no one else’s business on a superficial level, but surely you agree that it would be someone else’s business if they were going to have sex?"
For most people here, Fabs works on the principle of "do you find each other fuckable", not "is your life history acceptable to my genitals".
Nobody here feels it imperative that children, resolved/irrelevant medical problems or any other aspects of our history need be disclosed.
This is no different. Op should do whatever she feels she wants to, to ensure her safety and happiness (like any woman on the site). But she has no obligation, and if you disagree I hope you print out a list of your significant life events to bring on meets |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Particularly, if we're gonna start disclosing things I want mandatory disclosure of voting history I want the right to choose not to fuck anyone who voted for the current pillock, at the very least while we suffer under his incompetence.
What else do we need to start disclosing before a meet? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s no one else’s business on a superficial level, but surely you agree that it would be someone else’s business if they were going to have sex?
For most people here, Fabs works on the principle of "do you find each other fuckable", not "is your life history acceptable to my genitals".
Nobody here feels it imperative that children, resolved/irrelevant medical problems or any other aspects of our history need be disclosed.
This is no different. Op should do whatever she feels she wants to, to ensure her safety and happiness (like any woman on the site). But she has no obligation, and if you disagree I hope you print out a list of your significant life events to bring on meets "
But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that."
Explain how it's different? Why specifically single out trans women? "It just isn't" really doesn't cut it, I could say "It just is". |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that.
Explain how it's different? Why specifically single out trans women? "It just isn't" really doesn't cut it, I could say "It just is"."
I imagine what they’re saying is they still see me as a man dressed up to fool people.
I was a tin of carrots with the wrong label from manufacture.
I’m just putting the right label on my tin. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that.
Explain how it's different? Why specifically single out trans women? "It just isn't" really doesn't cut it, I could say "It just is"."
I guess it could be a bit of a mind fuck for someone to find out afterwards and I think that's quite deceitful |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
I have no issues with you being trans but I would prefer to know if I was to meet you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Once you have had your operation your now a woman not a trans woman. You have a vagina. Nobody apart from your Drs and sexual health clinic-(slightly more complicated tests) need to know what you were at birth in my opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that.
Explain how it's different? Why specifically single out trans women? "It just isn't" really doesn't cut it, I could say "It just is"."
I'm not singling out trans women, I'm responding to the OP's question ( and agreeing with her that she probably does have to disclose - I wouldn't use 'outing' as that's rather inflammatory ) ( as is saying 'singling out' )
There could be any number of disclosures in life, I viewed this question as an ethical question with the OP and potential sexual partners who also should be afforded consideration. I have some knowledge of trans issues and many others and some take a bit of mind work. There is no malice but equally I'd rather be able to post my point of view to add to the discourse. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But it IS different, isn't that the whole point - very difficult to look for comparators but it's not like saying 'I have diabetes/kids/a disability/mental illness. It just isn't and being 'woke' doesn't change that.
Explain how it's different? Why specifically single out trans women? "It just isn't" really doesn't cut it, I could say "It just is".
I imagine what they’re saying is they still see me as a man dressed up to fool people.
I was a tin of carrots with the wrong label from manufacture.
I’m just putting the right label on my tin. "
We/I don't see you as a man dressed up to fool people ( if you were in fact referring to us ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
If someone cant read then it's not a good start. |
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"
For most people here, Fabs works on the principle of "do you find each other fuckable", not "is your life history acceptable to my genitals".
Nobody here feels it imperative that children, resolved/irrelevant medical problems or any other aspects of our history need be disclosed.
This is no different. Op should do whatever she feels she wants to, to ensure her safety and happiness (like any woman on the site). But she has no obligation, and if you disagree I hope you print out a list of your significant life events to bring on meets "
You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though.
You're ridiculously oversimplifying the situation and comparing apples to oranges.
No one needs to know certain aspects of of a persons history for a "quick one" because they are not relevant nor are they going to effect their partners in the long run. But certain aspects ARE important and those are things that should be disclosed.
This actually could psychologically effect someone if they find out. I wish I was making that up but there are cases where individuals could not deal with it . OP has a responsibility to disclose this information before anything intimate takes place. It's great it's mentioned on her profile and it's not her fault some individuals don't read when they should but she needs to double check.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
For most people here, Fabs works on the principle of "do you find each other fuckable", not "is your life history acceptable to my genitals".
Nobody here feels it imperative that children, resolved/irrelevant medical problems or any other aspects of our history need be disclosed.
This is no different. Op should do whatever she feels she wants to, to ensure her safety and happiness (like any woman on the site). But she has no obligation, and if you disagree I hope you print out a list of your significant life events to bring on meets
You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though.
You're ridiculously oversimplifying the situation and comparing apples to oranges.
No one needs to know certain aspects of of a persons history for a "quick one" because they are not relevant nor are they going to effect their partners in the long run. But certain aspects ARE important and those are things that should be disclosed.
This actually could psychologically effect someone if they find out. I wish I was making that up but there are cases where individuals could not deal with it . OP has a responsibility to disclose this information before anything intimate takes place. It's great it's mentioned on her profile and it's not her fault some individuals don't read when they should but she needs to double check.
"
100% this ^
I go back to my original comment though... Op has public photos so no verbal disclosure should be needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
For most people here, Fabs works on the principle of "do you find each other fuckable", not "is your life history acceptable to my genitals".
Nobody here feels it imperative that children, resolved/irrelevant medical problems or any other aspects of our history need be disclosed.
This is no different. Op should do whatever she feels she wants to, to ensure her safety and happiness (like any woman on the site). But she has no obligation, and if you disagree I hope you print out a list of your significant life events to bring on meets
You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though.
You're ridiculously oversimplifying the situation and comparing apples to oranges.
No one needs to know certain aspects of of a persons history for a "quick one" because they are not relevant nor are they going to effect their partners in the long run. But certain aspects ARE important and those are things that should be disclosed.
This actually could psychologically effect someone if they find out. I wish I was making that up but there are cases where individuals could not deal with it . OP has a responsibility to disclose this information before anything intimate takes place. It's great it's mentioned on her profile and it's not her fault some individuals don't read when they should but she needs to double check.
"
I do double check, as anyone who’s messaged with the hope of meeting me will confirm,(assuming I replied).
I’m looking forward to no longer being a sexual curiosity. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though.
You're ridiculously oversimplifying the situation and comparing apples to oranges.
No one needs to know certain aspects of of a persons history for a "quick one" because they are not relevant nor are they going to effect their partners in the long run. But certain aspects ARE important and those are things that should be disclosed.
This actually could psychologically effect someone if they find out. I wish I was making that up but there are cases where individuals could not deal with it . OP has a responsibility to disclose this information before anything intimate takes place. It's great it's mentioned on her profile and it's not her fault some individuals don't read when they should but she needs to double check."
"You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though" 
It's a simple situation. If someone is "seriously psychologically affected" by finding out a woman is trans then let's call that what it is shall we?
Op has no responsibility to pander to other people's bigotry, no matter how sincerely held or deeply embedded in their psyche. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I go back to my original comment though... Op has public photos so no verbal disclosure should be needed."
I’m not so sure my pictures tell people I’m trans all that clearly. |
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For me I would very much like to know however that’s based on my personal feeling that I have a right to choose who I enter into a sexual relationship with. I guess I would feel issues around trust if it was later revealed.
In terms of a safety aspect I have in a professional capacity seen some horrendous video clips of when it goes wrong. Not in the Uk granted but there are some corners of the web that revel in outing and sharing such information just like the “slam pig” culture around people’s body size.
I think you are one of the bravest inspiring people on here. I could not imagine what you have been through on your journey. I hope the next step is a complete revelation for you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though.
You're ridiculously oversimplifying the situation and comparing apples to oranges.
No one needs to know certain aspects of of a persons history for a "quick one" because they are not relevant nor are they going to effect their partners in the long run. But certain aspects ARE important and those are things that should be disclosed.
This actually could psychologically effect someone if they find out. I wish I was making that up but there are cases where individuals could not deal with it . OP has a responsibility to disclose this information before anything intimate takes place. It's great it's mentioned on her profile and it's not her fault some individuals don't read when they should but she needs to double check.
"You're entitled to your opinion. It's wrong though"
It's a simple situation. If someone is "seriously psychologically affected" by finding out a woman is trans then let's call that what it is shall we?
Op has no responsibility to pander to other people's bigotry, no matter how sincerely held or deeply embedded in their psyche."
It's not bigotry to have a sexual preference though. Its also not a 'political' choice or indeed a view that carries any malice. Once again you are being inflammatory. What DO you call it by the way ? I'm also going to query your 'deeply embedded in their psyche ' |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not bigotry to have a sexual preference though. Its also not a 'political' choice or indeed a view that carries any malice. Once again you are being inflammatory. What DO you call it by the way ? I'm also going to query your 'deeply embedded in their psyche ' "
Who is talking about politics? What are you on about.
You can have sexual preferences. If your sexual preference excludes trans people you're welcome to ask anyone before meeting if they're trans or not. Same with anything else.
That's entirely different to someone being obligated to declare anything that's not directly relevant to a meet. Trans people aren't "different" in this regard - and again, if you want to claim otherwise you need more than "they just are".
It's not fair or right to claim someone else has an obligation due to their identity, based on something you can't clearly and convincingly express. You wouldn't want to be treated like that - you'd want an explanation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m trans. (Lets just get that in quick)
Many people who contact me haven’t read my profile so don’t initially realise. Once I’ve had my final op, do I need to keep outing myself?
I think I probably do. "
With such a lovely profile and obviously a considerate and kind girl that you are.... Just be you.. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone, you just be the woman you are x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You are what you are and if your happy within yourself then that’s all that matters if others can’t take the time to read your profile then that’s on then so poo on them
Just enjoy your self and your time on fab |
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cheeky tho