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Love going down on a girl?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I’ve just posted in another post about adoring giving BJs.
It made me reflect how much of a ‘hurdle’ I have with receiving cunnilingus myself.
Due to being on the Autistic spectrum, I find my brain can really not focus purely on the sensual act of oral. It may seem mad to some of you but my brain starts to focus on the spider over there; the tractor zooming by; the hair or the duvet cover I can’t quite reach!
I know! Crazy and completely silly but real life for this household.
It’s taken me to completely trust my husband and listen to him that I don’t smell. My senses are much higher than yours and I can smell things most others can’t.
Then there is the mental hurdle I have that I have to switch off my brain that it should only be done a certain way. I’ve learnt that my nature is that I think there is only one way to do things. But in reality that’s not true is it... so if said gent is enjoying himself but I’m not getting that kick- then my mind is off on all of things above and many, many more.
Do any other women have similar hurdles and what do you do?
Have any men come across anyone similar?
I’m finding that we’re slowly gathering a few close friends that I can admit these thoughts with. They’ve been very patient.
Sometimes, mid play; when someone is really pleasing me and turning me on, I just Become overwhelmed and I have to jump up and stand somewhere and calm my senses. I pretend to get a drink or that I need the loo. But really my head is fucked and I am not coping with the sensory overload.
I’ve had a few ex’s become very angry at me. Would that freak you out? I now know in my old age that I couldn’t express it and hope now I may be able to articulate things better.
All advice welcomed to what you’ve experienced and also what you would do.
Mrs P x
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Hi Miss-P, great post and a fascinating perspective on my favourite thing 
Ant man who has orgasmed from anal/prostate stimulation will likely know what you mean, its most common to need being in the moment fully.
I have known, among my few partners, the majority of women to feel similar to you. Its not even so unusual to need a break to clear the head. Certainly not mad at all.
If anyone complains ask them what would do If they got cramp in their leg mid-coitus! Taking a moment is entirely reasonable.
Take care x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Nobody should be getting angry in those moments. People arnt robots, we all have diferent sensory limits, especially those experiencing being on the spectrum. Just do what makes you comfy, if you have the right sexual partner, they will understand
Sandc |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi Mrs P
Do you have orgasms during sex? Or when you have a wank?
I get turned off really easily. They do something and my horny gets switched off. I call it my female ED.
I think everyone is different so everyone is normal. Hope that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks Sandc
And you’re right... no one has a right to be getting angry at anyone when you’re being intimate.
Yes- slowly finding the right fun partners x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hi Mrs P
Do you have orgasms during sex? Or when you have a wank?
I get turned off really easily. They do something and my horny gets switched off. I call it my female ED.
I think everyone is different so everyone is normal. Hope that makes sense. "
Oh phew!
That’s such a relief...
Haven’t cum for anyone else but my partner for so long. Find it hard to let go.
Mixed with sometimes incompatibility....
X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hi Mrs P
Do you have orgasms during sex? Or when you have a wank?
I get turned off really easily. They do something and my horny gets switched off. I call it my female ED.
I think everyone is different so everyone is normal. Hope that makes sense.
Oh phew!
That’s such a relief...
Haven’t cum for anyone else but my partner for so long. Find it hard to let go.
Mixed with sometimes incompatibility....
X"
There was a thread in the Lounge last week asking women if they cum during sex. The majority said they don't. They still have fun but the orgasm isn't their goal. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not sure if this is directly in the same realms as this topic but quite an interesting point based on what has been said.
I’ve found quite often with ex’s and with my missus that after sex they’ll ask “did you cum”. There have been many times were actually I haven’t cum but that doesn’t mean that I have enjoyed myself.
The question is there is to be a question should be “did you enjoy that”.
I think far too much attention is put onto both partners having an orgasm or cumming. Sometimes things seem so rushed too. I actually prefer to take things slow, learn what each other likes and enjoy the actually moment and not just the climax. |
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"I’ve just posted in another post about adoring giving BJs.
It made me reflect how much of a ‘hurdle’ I have with receiving cunnilingus myself.
Due to being on the Autistic spectrum, I find my brain can really not focus purely on the sensual act of oral. It may seem mad to some of you but my brain starts to focus on the spider over there; the tractor zooming by; the hair or the duvet cover I can’t quite reach!
I know! Crazy and completely silly but real life for this household.
It’s taken me to completely trust my husband and listen to him that I don’t smell. My senses are much higher than yours and I can smell things most others can’t.
Then there is the mental hurdle I have that I have to switch off my brain that it should only be done a certain way. I’ve learnt that my nature is that I think there is only one way to do things. But in reality that’s not true is it... so if said gent is enjoying himself but I’m not getting that kick- then my mind is off on all of things above and many, many more.
Do any other women have similar hurdles and what do you do?
Have any men come across anyone similar?
I’m finding that we’re slowly gathering a few close friends that I can admit these thoughts with. They’ve been very patient.
Sometimes, mid play; when someone is really pleasing me and turning me on, I just Become overwhelmed and I have to jump up and stand somewhere and calm my senses. I pretend to get a drink or that I need the loo. But really my head is fucked and I am not coping with the sensory overload.
I’ve had a few ex’s become very angry at me. Would that freak you out? I now know in my old age that I couldn’t express it and hope now I may be able to articulate things better.
All advice welcomed to what you’ve experienced and also what you would do.
Mrs P x
"
close you're eyes and out a peg on ya nose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m not sure if this is directly in the same realms as this topic but quite an interesting point based on what has been said.
I’ve found quite often with ex’s and with my missus that after sex they’ll ask “did you cum”. There have been many times were actually I haven’t cum but that doesn’t mean that I have enjoyed myself.
The question is there is to be a question should be “did you enjoy that”.
I think far too much attention is put onto both partners having an orgasm or cumming. Sometimes things seem so rushed too. I actually prefer to take things slow, learn what each other likes and enjoy the actually moment and not just the climax. "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its one of my fave things during sex. If you meet the right people and can commuicate with them it definitely helps.
Ive been told Im good at it but probably helps that I love it too. Dont be put off if someone asks you change your techniquw a bit its for theirs and.your pleasure |
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"I’ve just posted in another post about adoring giving BJs.
It made me reflect how much of a ‘hurdle’ I have with receiving cunnilingus myself.
Due to being on the Autistic spectrum, I find my brain can really not focus purely on the sensual act of oral. It may seem mad to some of you but my brain starts to focus on the spider over there; the tractor zooming by; the hair or the duvet cover I can’t quite reach!
I know! Crazy and completely silly but real life for this household.
It’s taken me to completely trust my husband and listen to him that I don’t smell. My senses are much higher than yours and I can smell things most others can’t.
Then there is the mental hurdle I have that I have to switch off my brain that it should only be done a certain way. I’ve learnt that my nature is that I think there is only one way to do things. But in reality that’s not true is it... so if said gent is enjoying himself but I’m not getting that kick- then my mind is off on all of things above and many, many more.
Do any other women have similar hurdles and what do you do?
Have any men come across anyone similar?
I’m finding that we’re slowly gathering a few close friends that I can admit these thoughts with. They’ve been very patient.
Sometimes, mid play; when someone is really pleasing me and turning me on, I just Become overwhelmed and I have to jump up and stand somewhere and calm my senses. I pretend to get a drink or that I need the loo. But really my head is fucked and I am not coping with the sensory overload.
I’ve had a few ex’s become very angry at me. Would that freak you out? I now know in my old age that I couldn’t express it and hope now I may be able to articulate things better.
All advice welcomed to what you’ve experienced and also what you would do.
Mrs P x
"
Great post. Like yourself i am on the spectrum. It's difficult to explain to each new encounter so i dont . I was made to gush for the first time last year and cried after as i felt a little more normal sexually. I adore sex and have gone to extreme lengths and circumstances to " feel ". I to disassociate and attach myself to other things around me. But as im getting older it is getting better and having great meets with fantastic people all adds.
All the best Vivienne. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fantastic post. I’m dyspraxic and have similar issues when receiving oral. I find if the gem has really good varying technique, tickles me between my legs or near my arse I can’t think of anything else |
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I know exactly how you feel,my hubby loves licking my pussy, I told him that o have hang ups about it but would never take it away from him but I never used to cum during oral until not so long ago, until I laid there and focused on the actually pleasure and not what he must be thinking or and how I'm feeling about it, so now I love it when he goes down on me, xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to get like this, my answer to it was that I actually wasn't keen on the act itself. I don't have oral down as something I will do anymore, it's now on my boundaries list.
As for the sensory overload, I've experienced this aswell and had to stop mid play to catch my breath, calm my mind and pull myself back to real time. Thankfully for me it's only ever happened with a partner that is completely understanding and has never pushed.
No one should ever make you feel like your thoughts and feelings don't matter OP, that's an awful way to treat someone. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Wow!
Yet again you guys all rock!
Thank you to everyone who has reached out here or via private message. Your understanding and patience shines through and I’m glad it’s allowed some of us to highlight an area that is so common.
Have a wonderful evening xxx |
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There was a post a few months ago about sexual surprises and things like this are actually fairly common.
I guess most of us learned that sex was about getting naked, doing one or two “following instructions” to get aroused, have an orgasm and then it’s over.
It takes a fair chunk of confidence to say that maybe you don’t want it that way and a level of maturity in your partner to accept it.
You’re on the right road, feel good about what you enjoy |
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I totally get your distractions OP!
I have adhd and its so annoying when my brain fecks off else where and I cant control it....
the sensation bits are the complete opposite for me though...I need to feel everything & have that take over my brain instead.
I find the best way for me is to close my eyes and just feel the sensations & guide him to what I know works 
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