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First I slept with from fab...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a swingers site. People are married
I think the point op making is she found out afterwards he is a cheat. To me that's not swinging, that's just cheating "
I read op post wrong. My apologies  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s a swingers site. People are married
I think the point op making is she found out afterwards he is a cheat. To me that's not swinging, that's just cheating "
Exactly! Of course some people on here are married but at least have the decency to be honest about it. I choose not to fuck with married men unless it was a couple. Lying to dupe someone into fucking you is a horrible thing to do imo. We'd planned to meet again this week and regularly going forward but that won't be happening now. Also after having been horribly cheated on myself at the beginning of this year it's left me feeling really shitty. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s a swingers site. People are married
I think the point op making is she found out afterwards he is a cheat. To me that's not swinging, that's just cheating
I read op post wrong. My apologies "
Okay, no worries! It happens. I should have said it was for a fwb arrangement too. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
How did you find out he was married?
Did he tell you or did you discover it another way
Duplicity is disgusting, but some people will go to any lengths to get what they want especially if the perceived benefit outweighs the chance and consequences of getting caught. |
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This is a really shitty thing to do. I've missed out on a lot of fun because I'm clear from the beginning of my situation. To dupe someone into having sex, messing with their emotions is really disgusting.
I'm so sorry for you OP, hope he's forgotten very soon! |
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We assume regardless what profile says that most men on here as single guys are in some kind of relationship i know some won't be but point im making is never believe what they say look for guys who can accommodate |
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
Dont do anything...dont even give him the time og day, for your own preservation xx
I had a partner who passed away, and I met a fabster who told me his wife had also died of cancer two years prior...he even cried in my arms in bed one night about her.
I discovered a couple of weeks later that not only was was she very much alive, they had a young baby and a toddler.
Some people are lying assholes and will go to any lengths for a shag. Just remember its not your fault, and dont let it consume you, not everyone is as scummy xx |
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
"People do lie but this is know dating site although bring used as one recently XXX you will got the odd decent single no drama guy like me ,lol but very lol"
Whether its a dating site or not is irrelevant, and nor is how people use the site...people who lie just have no idea the damage their lies can cause, and its not acceptable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
The sad truth is if he told the truth he doesn't get what he wants!
Just a shame for you who felt duped after, you could ask guys in future if they are and say your ok with it then when they tell the truth then you can say no thanks. (Guys are only going to lie if they think its in their best interest, if they think you like it they are more likely to be honest)
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
It’s a shitty thing to happen OP and completely out of order on his behalf.
Not every guy on here is cheating, but unfortunately there are a great many that are.
I can only suggest that you write it off as a learning experience and be more wary in future... Be mindful of if a guy can only talk at certain times, won’t give a phone number or can’t accommodate... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's not your fault OP. You were lied to and don't know what you're not told.
I imagine a lot of "single" guys on here are actually married. At least some are honest about it. But they likelyhood is most of use probably have slept with married men unknowingly. Xx |
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"It's not your fault OP. You were lied to and don't know what you're not told.
I imagine a lot of "single" guys on here are actually married. At least some are honest about it. But they likelyhood is most of use probably have slept with married men unknowingly. Xx"
Agreed... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me."
It's a shitty thing to happen. However, your shouldn't feel any guilt. You made a decision _ased on the facts before you. The duplicity was his, not yours. |
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"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op"
She’s just found out he’s married, she doesn’t say when she met him... could have been pre lockdown... may even have been before March... |
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By *iliciousCouple
over a year ago
South East |
"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op
She’s just found out he’s married, she doesn’t say when she met him... could have been pre lockdown... may even have been before March... "
She joined four weeks ago......... |
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Yes, there are cheaters on fab just like there are cheaters outside of fab too. Because it's a swinging site, fab attracts more than its fair share of cheaters who think people don't mind being lied to, it's only casual sex right? There are also ex-swingers here who are now cheating without their partner's knowledge. |
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By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
So sorry to hear this has happened to you. Not all guys are like this. You will find a decent ma there are some of us out there.
Chin up |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op
She’s just found out he’s married, she doesn’t say when she met him... could have been pre lockdown... may even have been before March...
She joined four weeks ago........."
I joined before lockdown! Not getting into a debate about it. I have a brain tumour and have no time or space for any of your judgement or assumptions. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted!
So sorry to hear this has happened to you. Not all guys are like this. You will find a decent ma there are some of us out there.
Chin up "
Thanks lovely! I really appreciate all the support on here. It's reassuring to know there's some decent folk around, like me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op "
Also, my verification is from someone I met here 4 years ago and have remained friends with and haven't seen during lockdown either so might be worth checking the facts first next time. |
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
When I first came to this lifestyle I was like you, hated the idea of meeting married/partnered men.
Over the years my view has relaxed as I've found a significant minority lie about their status and like you I'd then stress about something which is ultimately beyond my control and distracting from the fun I was trying to have.
Now I assume everyone's cheating, which reduces that feeling of disappointment of being lied to.
It may sound a bit hard nosed, but I'm here for selfish reasons and not seeking a relationship, so I don't give or need to receive the emotional investment which might damage my marriage or the relationships my playmates have with others..and if it does then I don't really regard it as my problem. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
It's a shitty thing to happen. However, your shouldn't feel any guilt. You made a decision _ased on the facts before you. The duplicity was his, not yours."
Thank you for your reassuring words! |
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"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op
She’s just found out he’s married, she doesn’t say when she met him... could have been pre lockdown... may even have been before March...
She joined four weeks ago.........
I joined before lockdown! Not getting into a debate about it. I have a brain tumour and have no time or space for any of your judgement or assumptions. "
Your responsibility is to others health not just your own. Anyone else you see will suffer due to the fact you’re not caring about meeting in lockdown |
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"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op
Also, my verification is from someone I met here 4 years ago and have remained friends with and haven't seen during lockdown either so might be worth checking the facts first next time. "
Ignore the judgemental pricks jumping to conclusions.
You can hold your head high, you’re the one who has been wronged here. |
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"Meeting during lockdown kind of knocks you off the moral high ground Op
Also, my verification is from someone I met here 4 years ago and have remained friends with and haven't seen during lockdown either so might be worth checking the facts first next time.
Ignore the judgemental pricks jumping to conclusions.
You can hold your head high, you’re the one who has been wronged here."
She hasn’t said she didn’t meet in lockdown ...... just that she won’t be judged |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted!
When I first came to this lifestyle I was like you, hated the idea of meeting married/partnered men.
Over the years my view has relaxed as I've found a significant minority lie about their status and like you I'd then stress about something which is ultimately beyond my control and distracting from the fun I was trying to have.
Now I assume everyone's cheating, which reduces that feeling of disappointment of being lied to.
It may sound a bit hard nosed, but I'm here for selfish reasons and not seeking a relationship, so I don't give or need to receive the emotional investment which might damage my marriage or the relationships my playmates have with others..and if it does then I don't really regard it as my problem."
It must be a cold day in hell.... I actually agree with something you posted.....
What is the world coming too? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted!
The sad truth is if he told the truth he doesn't get what he wants!
Just a shame for you who felt duped after, you could ask guys in future if they are and say your ok with it then when they tell the truth then you can say no thanks. (Guys are only going to lie if they think its in their best interest, if they think you like it they are more likely to be honest)
"
This would then imply there can never be any trust and it is ok to lie as it's only natural to get what you want. I truly hope not.
OP: I fully recognise and understand the hurt you must be feeling. As it can make you feel shitty because it implies you are somehow implicated in the cheating.
Truly believe you are not in any way. Enjoy the experience of the amazing sex as you described. Take it as a reinforcement of what you do want from a relationship or regular meet with someone off here and go forward. Ever stronger and truer in your convictions.
The lie lays solely with them. Otherwise believing everyone must immediately be telling a lie is no start to a mutually rewarding connection on any level.
Phew, sorry longwinded but please let go of that guilt it's doesn't belong to you.  |
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted!
When I first came to this lifestyle I was like you, hated the idea of meeting married/partnered men.
Over the years my view has relaxed as I've found a significant minority lie about their status and like you I'd then stress about something which is ultimately beyond my control and distracting from the fun I was trying to have.
Now I assume everyone's cheating, which reduces that feeling of disappointment of being lied to.
It may sound a bit hard nosed, but I'm here for selfish reasons and not seeking a relationship, so I don't give or need to receive the emotional investment which might damage my marriage or the relationships my playmates have with others..and if it does then I don't really regard it as my problem.
It must be a cold day in hell.... I actually agree with something you posted.....
What is the world coming too?"
Lol, I don't think it's an indication of any new great social malaise, t'was ever thus!
Nor am I promoting cheating, it's abhorrent, but I the nature of the relationship I have with people here is transactional, not emotional.
The people I choose to meet excite my interest and have the qualities I'm seeking, the ability to tell the truth isn't necessarily high amongst them! So I liberate myself from that responsibility (turn a blind eye) and let them worry about the consequences of the lies they tell.  |
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By *ikkiHbiWoman
over a year ago
Cleethorpes |
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
Men are dicks ... keep them lips on the ladies   x
Hope you're ok  x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted!
When I first came to this lifestyle I was like you, hated the idea of meeting married/partnered men.
Over the years my view has relaxed as I've found a significant minority lie about their status and like you I'd then stress about something which is ultimately beyond my control and distracting from the fun I was trying to have.
Now I assume everyone's cheating, which reduces that feeling of disappointment of being lied to.
It may sound a bit hard nosed, but I'm here for selfish reasons and not seeking a relationship, so I don't give or need to receive the emotional investment which might damage my marriage or the relationships my playmates have with others..and if it does then I don't really regard it as my problem.
It must be a cold day in hell.... I actually agree with something you posted.....
What is the world coming too?
Lol, I don't think it's an indication of any new great social malaise, t'was ever thus!
Nor am I promoting cheating, it's abhorrent, but I the nature of the relationship I have with people here is transactional, not emotional.
The people I choose to meet excite my interest and have the qualities I'm seeking, the ability to tell the truth isn't necessarily high amongst them! So I liberate myself from that responsibility (turn a blind eye) and let them worry about the consequences of the lies they tell. "
You did it again....... This time so eloquently
I’m exactly the same way.... I’m looking for great sex first and foremost.... I don’t ask personal questions, nor do I expect anything more than great sex.....
I’ve found this has helped me a lot during my swinging time... |
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By *arry247Couple
over a year ago
Wakefield |
"Just found out he's married. Ugh! What do I do? The first guy I met who I actually liked and made me feel comfortable so decided to take things further.
I told him that I'd been cheated on very badly at the beginning of this year and have no desire to be involved with anyone who's in a relationship. I explained that I preferred open communication and he seemed lovely and down to earth about it all.
We had great sex and broke my bed which he helped me fix after which I thought was nice.
I'm so pissed off. I feel duped and like I've had my freedom of choice taken away from me.
Gutted! "
Really the only thing you can do is block him and move on.
We don't know how much contact (messages) you had with him before you met him and had sex but if you look through the old messages there may be clues to hime being married. If you can look through those messages. Good luck and happy future swinging |
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"
You did it again....... This time so eloquently
I’m exactly the same way.... I’m looking for great sex first and foremost.... I don’t ask personal questions, nor do I expect anything more than great sex.....
I’ve found this has helped me a lot during my swinging time..."
I agree, but it's not to say that others who share our view should be as equally as cavalier about it, I just know what works for me if I want to have a guilt/drama free journey through this lifestyle!  |
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It's just rubbish behaviour. A lie is a lie is a lie. There isn't any "ah yes but" about it, certainly not "ah yes but it was transactional."
Liars need naming and shaming, so everyone else knows they're liars. Secrecy only protects the guilty.
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"It's just rubbish behaviour. A lie is a lie is a lie. There isn't any "ah yes but" about it, certainly not "ah yes but it was transactional."
Liars need naming and shaming, so everyone else knows they're liars. Secrecy only protects the guilty.
"
Yes we know this, but it's the reaction to the 'lie', that's the issue, especially in a lifestyle which by nature involves interactions with people we often have only shallow knowledge of.
What's does exposing liars achieve? How do you propose they're 'shamed'? What do you think it will achieve? It won't change the _asest in human behaviour especially in a world like this, it's how we insulate ourselves from the liers (since we can't legislate against them) whilst being active in the lifestyle that's the challenge, in my opinion.
Personally I do that by having no expectations of the person I'm talking to other than the fairly superficial boxes I'd like them to tick and be able to maintain some engaging dialogue! |
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"Sometimes it’s good to have honestly as your sharing more than just physical ! "
Of course it's good to have honesty, but how do you test it? Donald Trump claims to be the most honest person he knows!  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm a bit blown away by how lovely 99% of you are. Cheers for all the support and advice lovely fellow fabbers! I will find my perfect single fuck friend even if it takes a bit of work.
You're the best! |
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