FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Has it ever affected your relationship?
Has it ever affected your relationship?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We are very new to the scene. We've been fantasizing and roleplaying about me watching my lady being pleasured and fucked by another guy for ages now.
We both love the idea and its turns us both on a lot.
We're absolutely not just going to rush into it and meet any random person.
My question is, has anyone done this and it had negative impact on your relationship afterward?
I'm trying to be sensible and think of all possible outcomes so we make the right decision.
What are the potential pitfalls for a relationship?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Talk, talk & talk. Communication is key, both of you setting boundaries & agreeing to abide by them. You can always change them for a 2nd meet but you can't undo something once it's been done so agree what the limits are to be.
After that, have fun. It's a great turn on for all involved |
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The biggest difficulty we have found is finding the right person , We have no doubt you will wade through hundreds of dreamers , wannabes and liars . having said that dont give up. we have found a few that fit the bill on one occasion in a very dard carpark in poole ! . the only other issue we have had when we invited someone to our home was i had to be firm in getting him to leave , he just wasn't getting the message. As for affecting our relationship , not negatively no , in fact quite the opposite . the secret if there is one is to be brutally open and honest with each other and agree what's acceptable and what isn't . seriously , go for it and enjoy  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We agree with the other reply,you have to have trust and to talk .sometimes when the fantasy becomes reality it's not as good,we have made sure that it has enhanced our sex life and not replaced it, |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If you have clear boundaries, what is and isn’t allowed. And a safe word that gets you out of trouble if anyone is uncomfortable (has feelings they can’t handle) you will be on the right track. x
We always (my husband and I ) have a social first with the understanding that we don’t play on first meet. It makes the process more relaxed and no one is feeling the pressure to do something they may not be 100% happy with.
Then you have a clearer picture of what your potential playmate will be like. You could try playing soft first. Move at your own pace
We treat it like dating we like to get to know our fab friends. Play gets more intense over time as we get to know each other better.
Our experience is ffmm and ffm we are still looking for a potential mmf friend x
Good luck OP enjoy your adventures xx |
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By * F 2018Couple
over a year ago
shropshire |
"We are very new to the scene. We've been fantasizing and roleplaying about me watching my lady being pleasured and fucked by another guy for ages now.
We both love the idea and its turns us both on a lot.
We're absolutely not just going to rush into it and meet any random person.
My question is, has anyone done this and it had negative impact on your relationship afterward?
I'm trying to be sensible and think of all possible outcomes so we make the right decision.
What are the potential pitfalls for a relationship?
"
We found we talked more laughed more we had talked about it for ages theres good meets and bad ones but we have always talked about them after and never did anything without telling the other first.. |
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Honest and open communication is essential, with no judgement or disapproval from either side. Ensure you're both happy going into a situation, and then talk about it afterwards - what you enjoyed, what didn't, how you'd like things to be different next time etc. Take small steps, be patient, find the right first meet, and have a social with him first, so that you can both chat about it afterwards to be sure you're both happy to proceed with him. Be prepared for some of your preprogrammed ideas of what a relationship should be, to be challenged on a personal level - we sometimes react to things in a way we've been programmed to (societal norms etc), but often when you explore deeper, you find it's not how you actually personally feel yourself.
Don't be afraid to rewrite the rules to suit your own relationship, so they're more reflective of who you both are. Acknowledge any feelings of jealousy, possessiveness or insecurity, and work through them together, so that you can get to a place where they're no longer an issue if you can - if you can't, then it's probably a good idea to press pause for a while, so you can explore whether this is right for you.
My husband and I have been enjoying this lifestyle for around 10 years now, and it's brought us closer ttogether, whilst giving us both the freedom to be ourselves.
Good luck, I hope you have a great adventure exploring, discovering that there is so much more out there to enjoy, than what we're lead to believe we should settle for.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Like everyone has said its about communication and setting boundries. Taking things slowly, you cant go back so just find what your comfortable with. Theres no right or wrong way of doing it just do whats best for you both |
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As many others have posted communicate between yourselves with each of your expectations and limits, make sure the person you invite to join you also understands these limits before meeting possibly via a social only meet at first.
The thought of a fantasy coming to fruition can be very very erotic and sexy but when it comes to following through with it can bring other emotions into play you weren't expecting.
Wish you luck in your search for a suitable candidate and if you want to chat feel free to mail |
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We agreed before we started that what happened on meets wouldn't affect our core relationship. Are you both clear that sex with another person doesn't involve deeper feelings, if you feel jealous will you be able to not blame your partner? Will you both be able to discuss anything that happens at a meet without blaming each other if it goes wrong? How will you both feel if the other oversteps a mutual boundary you've set?
It's quite natural to have concerns though |
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I think it does affect some relationships negatively though. Some people can't cope with the feelings of jealousy it throws up, some people are very keen and really encourage their partners, only to find its not what they thought it would be and want to stop but the initially less keen partner wants to continue. I've heard of one partner meeting behind the others back or leaving for someone they met swinging.
But I think swinging is the catalyst rather than the cause of problems, it just gives the opportunity for underlying issues to surface.
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By *tue555Man
over a year ago
Passed Beyond Reach |
Subject does come up a lot, swinging has its dark side as well which tends to be glossed over.
The fantasy is is not always the reality. It can easily destroy relationships as well as enhance. Just be mindful of the downside but let's hope and enjoy |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
We met here, so maybe different for us.
However no it hasn't nf affected t our relationship, we are both secure enough to tell each other what we wouldn't be happy with.
Like others have said talk and keep talking and be open and honest.
Respect your partner and set boundaries.
Good luck x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We are very new to the scene. We've been fantasizing and roleplaying about me watching my lady being pleasured and fucked by another guy for ages now.
We both love the idea and its turns us both on a lot.
We're absolutely not just going to rush into it and meet any random person.
My question is, has anyone done this and it had negative impact on your relationship afterward?
I'm trying to be sensible and think of all possible outcomes so we make the right decision.
What are the potential pitfalls for a relationship?
"
Make sue you are both sure what you want to do. And maybe do something which will not put you at any obligation - for us it was on the nudist beach - I could stop whenever I wanted. Maybe just watching only first. Get someone watching you playing. Or maybe just be with another couple without swapping. No rush. |
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By *imBanksMan
over a year ago
Letchworth |
I've told my story before but basically after 18 mths or so of playing we met a couple who became regulars. After a few meets she became less keen but her bloke was still eager so we had lots of MMF meets with him.
Then my ex started texting a lot in secret & went to their house while I was working.
The final outcome was that my ex split us & them up and married him! He was a younger model too.
Play careful & be 100% open with each other x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As others have said, communication and honesty are vital. But we've had no issues apart from minor niggles like be getting too carried away to text him to let him know I was safe, and getting back too late and then struggling to get up in the morning.
But no relationship issues, if anything it brings us together as he likes me getting all made up for a meet, and doesn't mind sloppy seconds when I get home xx |
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