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Rejection
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By *ister_E OP Man 10 weeks ago
Hayling Island |
As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.
So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.
I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-
"Hi *******
Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX
Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!
Good luck,
E"
In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?
Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time?  |
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |
"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.
So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.
I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-
"Hi *******
Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX
Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!
Good luck,
E"
In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?
Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time? "
Does it say on your profile that you don't do bear back they way you approached it was fine in my opinion nothing wrong with it all just have to have thick skin on this site and don't take it to heart that person who messaged you back just has too much time on his hands and unfortunately you were the one he took it out on bang out of order don't let it knock your confidence trust me as straight lad IV gotten it as well but whent in one ear and out the other so keep the head up and smile they hate that the most when they don't get a reaction  |
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By *ickD80Man 10 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth? |
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By *ister_E OP Man 10 weeks ago
Hayling Island |
Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.
People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.
I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)
So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence? |
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By *ickD80Man 10 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.
People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.
I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)
So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence?"
Well it is a bit of a contradiction to say that you are risk averse when you have pictures of you licking pussy and having cum in your mouth. You’ve used being risk averse as a reason to not meet the couple when your profile clearly shows that you’re not. You’re avoiding some risks but not others, being risk averse means you avoid all risks. You don’t know for sure that people you do that with really do only have safe sex, just because they tell you they do doesn’t mean they actually do.
Why do you feel the need to reply to say anything? You’re just encouraging a negative reaction. If you don’t reply they will know it’s a no, you don’t need to say anything. |
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By *ickD80Man 10 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"Guess it could be seen as a mixed signal... so maby I'm partially in the wrong? Oral is considered low risk, but obviously not 'no-risk' what I really mean is no BB sex.
People who engage in regular bare sex with strangers are in a significantly higher risk category than those who don't. That's simply a fact of the lifestyle unfortunately.
I only ever do that with people I'm in a steady ongoing relationship with. Then you have time to develop trust and get mutually tested etc. I also only do it if we've agreed mutual exclusivity (we only go bare with each other)
So how would you suggest I convey that more clearly, without giving offence?"
So if someone told you they had an STI would you give them oral anyway as it’s low risk? You’re also saying that you only meet couples who always practice safe sex outside their relationship but you’ve just said that you don’t always practice safe sex outside of your relationship. |
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By *ister_E OP Man 10 weeks ago
Hayling Island |
You seem to be struggling with the whole concept of mitigation.
Being 'risk averse' does not mean avoiding risks altogether! It's about trying to find your personal balance between risk and reward.
You seem to be hung up on the issue of risks and not on the actual question I was asking, so this conversation is neither terribly interesting nor constructive.
So yes I take some risks and also chose to avoid some others, I'm a hypocrite, and I freely admit it, so now address the actual issue or move along and enjoy your moral superiority somewhere else and stop wasting my time please. |
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By *ickD80Man 10 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"You seem to be struggling with the whole concept of mitigation.
Being 'risk averse' does not mean avoiding risks altogether! It's about trying to find your personal balance between risk and reward.
You seem to be hung up on the issue of risks and not on the actual question I was asking, so this conversation is neither terribly interesting nor constructive.
So yes I take some risks and also chose to avoid some others, I'm a hypocrite, and I freely admit it, so now address the actual issue or move along and enjoy your moral superiority somewhere else and stop wasting my time please."
The definition of risk averse is disinclined or reluctant to take risks, giving oral to strangers is a risk, even if it’s a low risk, so are you disinclined and reluctant to give oral to strangers?
Well my advice to not offend people is to not be a hypocrite. |
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Regardless of how you choose to mitigate risk, or indeed conduct your sex life, there's no need for anyone to reply in the way this couple did, and it's certainly the type of message I'd report as abusive. Thankfully, messages like that are fairly uncommon |
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By *oxy jWoman 10 weeks ago
somerset |
people have the rights to reject anyone its a select reject scene most people are not compactable..
however no one should be rude or abusive about it ... if you receive abuse then always report it |
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The message you received is completely unacceptable. The reason you turned them down is irrelevant. There is no excuse to speak to someone like that. Report and move on. I think you dodged a bullet there.
Mrs |
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"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.
So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.
I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-
"Hi *******
Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX
Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!
Good luck,
E"
In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?
Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time? "
Good lord. What a pair of clowns. Your response was more than most would do and there was nothing wrong with it at all. |
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By *an_spMan 10 weeks ago
Coventry |
Wishing HIV to a person is undoubtedly abusive and inhumane, regardless if the rejection message had any contradictions or not. They should totally be reported! |
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By *rpeggioCouple 10 weeks ago
Baughurst |
Report. Your response seems unnecessarily detailed, but theirs is out of order.
Also, I disagree with the profile above quoting definitions about risk aversion etc etc. All that is irrelevant. If I take a risk today and don't do it tomorrow, and I take a risk next day... That's my choice. Whatever risks you took in the past you can change your mind, and then change again, it's your choice. |
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"From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth? "
Transmission of STIs via oral without is very low compared to bareback through penetrative sex. It is ludicrous to say because you do OWO you might aswell go bare.  |
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The problem with written communication is you lose the nuance or intention behind it. Whilst you (op) meant it in a pleasant 'let them down easy' way, they probably read it in that ranty voice we all use when we read boomer Facebook comments 
Bareback can be a hot button topic and they've probably had some crappy judgements thrown their way in the past. That, coupled with your rejecting them probably just sent them into a spin.
Not excusing their abuse, just looking to see it from their side  |
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Reason most don't reply on here now ?? is because of this sort of thing ?? and we don't bother now as people don't seem to take rejection very well !! as some assume because you are a member on here you will.... .....fill in the blanks ...  |
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Yes this is the kind of response we get when we say no! |
Reply privately (thread closed by moderator) | |
"As a Bi guy on here, rejections are something I'm fairly used to and accept as a part of Fab-Life. I actually appreciate someone just taking the time and effort to politely rebuff my interest, instead of just ignoring or blocking me.
So I really don't understand why some people get so offended if you don't want to fuck them.
I recently sent the following message to a couple who mailed me-
"Hi *******
Great profile and hot pics! sadly, being married means I have to more risk averse than I might prefer. So I do not meet people who do bareback or have that as a preference... It's a me thing, and not a criticism in any way, at all! This is a red line issue for me and not something I ever compromise on. So thanks in advance for understanding l. XX
Hope you find what you're looking for soon and have a great day!
Good luck,
E"
In response I got lectured on how lucky I was they deigned to message me, that I was a piece of shit, and wasn't attractive, and that I was a fake and a timewaster, how not safe condoms are, and that they hoped I catch HIV..... Am I doing something wrong? And if so do you have any suggestions on how I can better communicate to avoid this kind of thing?
Is this what women on Fabs deal with all the time?
Good lord. What a pair of clowns. Your response was more than most would do and there was nothing wrong with it at all. "
I'll second H and P's comments. Your words are precise and genuine. If your views differ to there's, well that's just life and diversity. It's not possible to homogenise everyones opinions, well not unless we're all going to be subjected to mandated training! |
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By *ickD80Man 10 weeks ago
Wolverhampton |
"From your profile pictures I can see that you lick pussy, suck cock, suck cock after they’ve cum, possibly even take cum in your mouth….I don’t consider that being risk averse. I’m sure all the people that you do that with tell you that they always practice safe sex but you’re relying on the word of someone who’s basically a stranger to you, how do you really know they’re telling the truth?
Transmission of STIs via oral without is very low compared to bareback through penetrative sex. It is ludicrous to say because you do OWO you might aswell go bare. "
Where did I say that he might as well go bareback if he does OWO? |
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By *bi HaiveMan 10 weeks ago
Forum Mod Cheeseville, Somerset |
Just a reminder. Private message content should never be shared in forum posts, whatever the context. It's strictly against the forum rules below.
https://www.fabswingers.com/content/forum-rules |
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