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How to approach/interact with couples as a single man
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Hi there
I've been dipping in and out of clubs for the last few years and its just occurred to me a question I should have asked a while ago.
I am a single, queer guy (see my profile for my definition) who participates in the swingers scene predominantly to gain more experience playing with ladies. I still enjoy playing with guys on their own, but their are other scenes/outlets I can take part in for that.
As I like men as well, I'm very happy to play with couples and will happily given the gent equal attention if they want it/are comfortable with it. However, because of the motivation described above, when I'm in swingers clubs its the ladies that turn my head and give me the urge to approach someone.
I've done ... ok ... so far, but something that I've not quite worked out is what is the right/accepted etiquette when approaching couples. Here are my thoughts
- I don't want to 'ask' a man about his lady, because she is her own person with her own autonomy
- But at the same time, I want to make sure I'm not disrespecting the gent and am including him as much as he wants to be included
So part of me feels like I should be chatting to both members of a couple in order to be respectful to both of them. But what happens if it becomes clear that my interest is more focused on one member of the partnership than the other (as that's why I'm approaching)?
I'm asking that because in other scenes, I'm pretty decent at approaching single people I'm attracted to and will often very quickly, politely and directly tell them that I think they are sexy or something of that nature. In a couples situation this puts me in a situation where I start chatting to a couple but focus on the lady but the gent feels excluded.
To be honest, I know I'm probably over-thinking this, so I'll end with a question that is easily answered. For those of you that are part of couples, either the lady or the gent, how do you *like* to be approached by single guys. Second question can you give me examples of approaches in the past from single guys that have felt good for both of you? |
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Ask them what they’re looking for? Then explain what you’re looking for. You’re not wasting anyones time then. If you’re all looking for similar then it’s happy days, carry on convo, get to know both of them, feel the vibe, ask them if they want to play and go from there possibly? |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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We loved being approached by single guys at clubs! Bring confidence and charm.
As for liking one member of the couple more than the other... Well that is going to be totally dependent on their dynamic! We have a fairly traditional dom/sub dynamic. if you came over to us and started flirting with me (mykel) and not Lizzy, it wouldn't go down well, yet if it was the other way round... maybe.
If I were you I'd approach couples like the is their gender : 'couple' and if you only like one maybe find another couple? It should become clear pretty quickly what their dynamic is and how you might fit in! |
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"Ask them what they’re looking for? Then explain what you’re looking for. You’re not wasting anyones time then. If you’re all looking for similar then it’s happy days, carry on convo, get to know both of them, feel the vibe, ask them if they want to play and go from there possibly?"
So it is ok to be as direct as that pretty quickly? |
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Well an introduction will probably be best first, don’t disclose what you’re looking for until you find out what they’re after. Personally, we’d prefer directness otherwise we’re wasting each others time. |
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I was sat chatting in a group on Friday at xtasia with some couples i know and a newbie couple, we spent most of the night just chatting about the scene and how I never go out with any expectations and enjoy the social side, when the newbie couple went for a wonder round and came back and asked me if I fancied going to a private room which took me awhile to realise as im rubbish at reading signals and one of the other couples had to tell me. What works is not being pushy and confidence, speak to people even if its a no not everyone is looking for the same thing but you'd be surprised once you get talking |
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"We loved being approached by single guys at clubs! Bring confidence and charm.
As for liking one member of the couple more than the other... Well that is going to be totally dependent on their dynamic! We have a fairly traditional dom/sub dynamic. if you came over to us and started flirting with me (mykel) and not Lizzy, it wouldn't go down well, yet if it was the other way round... maybe.
If I were you I'd approach couples like the is their gender : 'couple' and if you only like one maybe find another couple? It should become clear pretty quickly what their dynamic is and how you might fit in! "
I think part of me is also cautious of flirting with guys because I know (or think that I know) that not everyone with a penis is necessarily amenable to advances from guys. Again, I'm possibly over-thinking it. |
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By (user no longer on site) 38 weeks ago
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"I think part of me is also cautious of flirting with guys because I know (or think that I know) that not everyone with a penis is necessarily amenable to advances from guys. Again, I'm possibly over-thinking it. "
You are overthinking!! We flirt with everyone and nobody cares!! It's just flirting/chatting/complimenting. I've never known a single guy be offended at that?! Even the 'fab' straight guys!! |
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