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Are We The Arseholes…?
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So on Saturday early evening into the night we met friends in Liverpool for some food / drinks.
They don’t play nor do they know we do.
We were in a pub and a guy asked me if we were B&M as he recognised us from chats on here and our “are we near” was logged in and showing close by. He was pretty discreet at this stage.
Maya liked the look of him and our friends were due to leave around 9.30 as they had babysitter issues. They were staying in a serviced apt and said we could have it if we liked as ours are old enough to stay by themselves for a night or two.
Guy spots his opportunity and comes over chatting to Maya and I whilst our friends are chatting to a mutual acquaintance by the bar. Explained the situation and before I could mention the apt he puts a hand on Mayas hips and bum and leans in to whisper in her ear. Our friends clock this so now I gently pull Maya away and suggest to our friends we go somewhere else. The walk up was awkward with me having to pretend to be angry with this guy who I have told them is a friend from golf whose son knows ours. He was 20 seconds away from getting an invite to the apt. Am I being too sensitive here or was he out of order?
Did meet a nicer guy later on when they had gone! |
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He Can’t read the situation obviously. I’ve met women out who I know play away (not on here but have been with them) and I wouldn’t dream of approaching them unless the right situation presented itself.
Obviously a different vibe considering you where both open to it but you get my drift |
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To be fair to him about his initial approach he was very discreet indeed. I was outside on my own when he first approached me.
Get your point though.
That was why I found myself questioning it really. Was it my fault for being so accommodating at the outset?
Second thing for me beyond the actual situation with friends was the hands on Maya in a public setting that was uninvited at the time. |
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By *eturning MGMan 38 weeks ago
Mayo, Roscommon, Galway, Leitrim, Sligo....West Of Ireland |
I would never approach another fabber outside an arranged meet in public. Thats just my thing. I may have dropped a message to them but no i wouldnt approach. I def would have been forward enough for physical contact. |
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"To be fair to him about his initial approach he was very discreet indeed. I was outside on my own when he first approached me.
Get your point though.
That was why I found myself questioning it really. Was it my fault for being so accommodating at the outset?
Second thing for me beyond the actual situation with friends was the hands on Maya in a public setting that was uninvited at the time."
Being handsy without invitation or indication is never OK. In my opinion, getting the approval of the opposite sex partner is 1st base. Said partner is then the one that introduces the idea to the other. A double level approach is not etiquette & rightly rejected. It's far too forward & pushy. |
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Swinging is like any other situation, consent is not a given just because you are on a site like Fab, it wouldn’t even be acceptable behaviour in a lifestyle club unless it was fairly obvious from both sides. |
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"Swinging is like any other situation, consent is not a given just because you are on a site like Fab, it wouldn’t even be acceptable behaviour in a lifestyle club unless it was fairly obvious from both sides."
Obviously I’m referring to the physical contact here. |
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No - he was well out of line. Being on Fab shouldn’t imply to anybody that it means your personal boundaries aren’t a thing. He showed neither of you any respect and you did what anyone with sense would have done.
Good on you |
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"Approaching in public is the first red flag, if he’d have put his hand on my wife I’d have broke his arm.
Swinger or not, there’s no excuse for touching a random person without their consent "
Yeah I’m kind of in that whole space in my mind but the situation escalating wouldn’t have helped anyone. |
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"He was out of order and it could have potentially outed you, to your friends."
Maya is still a little bothered about whether our friends are buying our flimsy lie. Mate asked Sunday night what I had done. Just said he texted me an apology and we’ve left it at that. He knows me well enough to know that I wouldn’t usually do that. |
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To be clear the contact wasn’t overly sexual. It was overly familiar and uninvited. It was a hand on hip / top of bum as he leant in to talk into her ear. That in itself was a bit much!
It was in a busy pub.
Thanks all for your messages. Making us feel better that we haven’t over reacted.
If it ever happens again I know what to do. Cut the conversation dead at the outset and tell them to message us on the app. Lesson learned for us for sure. |
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By *essTTWoman 38 weeks ago
Birmingham |
"So on Saturday early evening into the night we met friends in Liverpool for some food / drinks.
They don’t play nor do they know we do.
We were in a pub and a guy asked me if we were B&M as he recognised us from chats on here and our “are we near” was logged in and showing close by. He was pretty discreet at this stage.
Maya liked the look of him and our friends were due to leave around 9.30 as they had babysitter issues. They were staying in a serviced apt and said we could have it if we liked as ours are old enough to stay by themselves for a night or two.
Guy spots his opportunity and comes over chatting to Maya and I whilst our friends are chatting to a mutual acquaintance by the bar. Explained the situation and before I could mention the apt he puts a hand on Mayas hips and bum and leans in to whisper in her ear. Our friends clock this so now I gently pull Maya away and suggest to our friends we go somewhere else. The walk up was awkward with me having to pretend to be angry with this guy who I have told them is a friend from golf whose son knows ours. He was 20 seconds away from getting an invite to the apt. Am I being too sensitive here or was he out of order?
Did meet a nicer guy later on when they had gone!"
He was out of order
It only take one person acting like this to blow your whole life up |
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If it was me I would have made the situation clear as soon as intrest was recognised. The guy didnt know your situation and it was on you two to make that clear really. If there is a next time make sure to spell things out early to prevent it from happening again. Or, just tell your friends what you do? Me and my husband couldn't care less who knows what we do and none of our friends have really been that bothered by it to be honest.
Mrs x |
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"If it was me I would have made the situation clear as soon as intrest was recognised. The guy didnt know your situation and it was on you two to make that clear really. If there is a next time make sure to spell things out early to prevent it from happening again. Or, just tell your friends what you do? Me and my husband couldn't care less who knows what we do and none of our friends have really been that bothered by it to be honest.
Mrs x"
But we don’t want people to know our personal business.
Insofar as the situation goes we were clearly with other people which he knew.
And Maya didn’t at any point give him any indication she wanted to be touched.
But fair points I guess for your own situation. |
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"If it was me I would have made the situation clear as soon as intrest was recognised. The guy didnt know your situation and it was on you two to make that clear really. If there is a next time make sure to spell things out early to prevent it from happening again. Or, just tell your friends what you do? Me and my husband couldn't care less who knows what we do and none of our friends have really been that bothered by it to be honest.
Mrs x"
That’s great for you some of us would rather keep our alternative lifestyle private. In our case we are super discreet and careful because we have 3 teenagers at home and I would never want them to face embarrassment over what me and their dad do. The guy was out of order putting hands on her in public |
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"The fact that he approached you asking about fab was out of order in my opinion
"
Exactly this. That's why I haven't got my face pic on here as some people seem to believe just because you're on here, you're up for sex all the time. |
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"Oh another single guy on the fab boardroom roasting table.I presume is a toddler in a candy shop.Lord ve mercy on him. lol"
That wasn’t the intention
The intention was to find out if we were being oversensitive and his actions were normal in a “non swinging environment”. |
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Out of order and ruins it for decent guys. Just because you’re on a site like this doesn’t mean you’re instantly up for it let alone in the situation you were in I.e. out with friends.
Respect is earned and consent achieved by respect and discretion if you approach a couple.
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"If it was me I would have made the situation clear as soon as intrest was recognised. The guy didnt know your situation and it was on you two to make that clear really. If there is a next time make sure to spell things out early to prevent it from happening again. Or, just tell your friends what you do? Me and my husband couldn't care less who knows what we do and none of our friends have really been that bothered by it to be honest.
Mrs x"
That's a bit unfair. Nobody has the right to be handsy or rude. Just because you're on fab, it doesn't make you fair game. Not everyone is like you. A little respect is due. Personal space is just that. Nobody has the right to invade it without invitation. |
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"If it was me I would have made the situation clear as soon as intrest was recognised. The guy didnt know your situation and it was on you two to make that clear really. If there is a next time make sure to spell things out early to prevent it from happening again. Or, just tell your friends what you do? Me and my husband couldn't care less who knows what we do and none of our friends have really been that bothered by it to be honest.
Mrs x
That's a bit unfair. Nobody has the right to be handsy or rude. Just because you're on fab, it doesn't make you fair game. Not everyone is like you. A little respect is due. Personal space is just that. Nobody has the right to invade it without invitation. "
Thanks. Exactly our thoughts on it. |
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