FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > So why do single attached guys do it?
So why do single attached guys do it?
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 ...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it,and i might add,so will his missus,(yes it IS the voice of experience talkin,my ex did it for four years with the guy next door)but thats a different story
jim | |||
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"Jeeze if ever there was an edit button needed lol.. Thats NEVER tried to cope of without the wife ff's... Posse moment if ever lol..." Notts that has got to be the worse typo I have ever ever read on here......and you can't edit it...I read that and thought...well Im not going to say what I thought but you can guess lol Sort your finger out mate! pmsl | |||
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"Bad eh... I normally read it back but missed it... Had coffee now and a can of red bull lol.. Hopefully some kind mod will edit it for me... Are all the mods posse?????" No only me lol I can only delete the message not edit it...even I don't have that much power I only have a couple of extra buttons to play with pmsl | |||
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I do know of attached guys in the scene who do play with the wife's persmission, and vice versa so that is the one distinction I would make
I know the single "married/attached" person thing does annoy a lot of people... all I wish is that they were fully honest about it, that way at least you can make a decision that you feel comfortable with knowing the facts
deceit for me isn't swinging....
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there is an honesty in cheating following an instinct put into us since our earliest existence.Without that urge we would not be here now .
Monogamous marriage is a relatively modern concept with multi partner informal marriage being the norm for most of human history. Monogamy was a control measure put onto us by the church and it is believed not a natural state for humans.
If the sanctity of marriage is realiant on one man one woman union. Why do we have swinging at all or christian swing groups even, who follow that non monogamous ideal as the natural way.
Isnt swinging Itself testament to that driving need to seek alternative partners .All that has hapopened in a cheating marriage is one partner can resist there baser instincts, more than another,sometimes the male ...sometimes the female.
Perhaps, it is really that the constraints and critiques we put on marrieds who cheat from within swinging, really itself just another control measure, Based on the insecurity that,potentiaslly they will stray and not come back (a sort of pre-emptive collective critique)
Men are generally seen as instigators of infidelity as it has always been there role to hunt and seek a fresh mate at every opportunity .(that role tho is changing).
Cheating is a complicated issue as we are complicated beings .If you do trust someone totally as many maintain .Shouldnt they be able to go with whom they wish follow there instincts and know they will come back, because they love you and want to be with you.
If not isnt your marriage truly not worth the paper its written on?
MR X
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" I do know of attached guys in the scene who do play with the wife's persmission, and vice versa so that is the one distinction I would make " Well yes we did say that we have met a few and we know some do play with their partners consent but we don't think that is all that common from our own experience - hey even we will meet alone if the fancy takes us but then we are *both* swingers. So it's not a judgemental question just an openly interested one. Someone said that males are not naturally monogomous, then goes on to contradict their own argument by saying women are just as likely to play away. The concensus of expert opinion agrees with that - we as a species are not naturally monogamous - male or female. No answer from single attached males yet - or females for that matter - does that really mean that (apart from those few playing with consent from a non swinging partner) A B and C does just about cover it all? xxxx Ju & Rich | |||
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"....deep breath.......attatched female, playing without partners knowledge or permission" your free to speak sister ...come on in ...the guns are all unloaded | |||
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"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating!" How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do) Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens.. To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be... | |||
"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating!" Hello again get on with your work you.
In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage
vow was different from the one you took and sanctioned a open relationship when the individual could meet others without prior knowledge or agreement.Such agreements are made for example in biker weddings,
We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.
The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.
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"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating! How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do) Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens.. To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be..." Please note......... I said......... "without their partners knowledge" (read my post again!) I never said that BOTH had to be involved. If a couple choses to play along, WITH their partners consent....that's their choice. Many will still not meet them. There have been too many instances of lies and total dishonesty for ALL to trust that senario. | |||
"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating! How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do) Wiggles plays alone while enjoying her domination sessions, In no way shape or form could I ever see her doing so as cheating.. I allways know exactly when/where and what happens.. To hear someone claim that its all cheating unless your both doing involved, as a couple ,just realy does show what a non openminded group swingers realy can be... Please note......... I said......... "without their partners knowledge" (read my post again!) I never said that BOTH had to be involved. If a couple choses to play along, WITH their partners consent....that's their choice. Many will still not meet them. There have been too many instances of lies and total dishonesty for ALL to trust that senario. " Was just typing a oops just noticed the "without partners knowledge" line soz.. but kept geting the Error page | |||
"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating! Hello again get on with your work you.
In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage
vow was different from the one you took and sanctioned a open relationship when the individual could meet others without prior knowledge or agreement.Such agreements are made for example in biker weddings,
We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.
The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.
"I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating.......... If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers? I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it? I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge. Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married. Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater. Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party. | |||
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W | |||
" If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do) " But wiggles, what maddie did say is "without their partners knowledge" | |||
"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating! Hello again get on with your work you.
In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage
vow was different from the one you took and sanctioned a open relationship when the individual could meet others without prior knowledge or agreement.Such agreements are made for example in biker weddings,
We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.
The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.
I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating..........
If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers?
I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it?
I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge.
Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married.
Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater.
Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party.
"ok a scenario for you ...a woman says I love my husbad dearly and would give my life for him .Unfortunately because of a repressed upbringing he can not now meet my advanced sexual needs...I do not want to leave him because i love him,he can not change because of his sexual storyboard and early life experiences. i do not want to hurt him ...i am very discreet and supportive and loving in every other way. does she live in denial of her sexual beeds for the rest of her life or .... meet her needs quietly and sensitively and save there otherwise very very happy marriage.?? | |||
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" If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. How is it cheating, if both partners know about it? (not sugesting for a moment that all do) But wiggles, what maddie did say is "without their partners knowledge" " Got to stop posting on here with distractions in house, especialy as no darn edit feature :P | |||
"Hi OK so we got to the 'because they can' which is fair enough What triggered this thread from us was another thread from a married 'single' guy asking if there really were any genuine swingers on this site. So one main point of the question if you read it as we stated in the OP is.... Why do so many married/attached guys (in particular) swing as singles when it must be glaringly obvious surely even to them, that they would have far much more success (meets shags etc) if they swung with their partner! It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but thats surely for another topic lol xxxxx Julie & Rich" So many reasons, and I guess all have variations of why. Maybe their partner has no interest in swinging, maybe they would not like to see their partner with another, maybe they are Bi and their partner detests the idea of same sex liaisons, maybe they consider it an easy way to get laid with less hassles than an affair, maybe they are needy and want to feel wanted/sexy/attractive, maybe they like the thrill of cheating, or they are in a shite relationship they find hard to get out of, maybe they like to have sex with someone in front of that persons partner, or perhaps they simply get off on taking chances. W | |||
"Hi OK so we got to the 'because they can' which is fair enough What triggered this thread from us was another thread from a married 'single' guy asking if there really were any genuine swingers on this site. So one main point of the question if you read it as we stated in the OP is.... Why do so many married/attached guys (in particular) swing as singles when it must be glaringly obvious surely even to them, that they would have far much more success (meets shags etc) if they swung with their partner! It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but thats surely for another topic lol xxxxx Julie & Rich" You are assuming that their partners want to. The amount of people who will tell you they wouldn't even dream of bringing up the subject of swinging as they don't even want sex with them. That is another issue altogether, but I do think in some cases of the above, lack of communication is a major issue there. | |||
" maybe they are Bi and their partner detests the idea of same sex liaisons, maybe they like the thrill of cheating, or perhaps they simply get off on taking chances. W "Hey at last two other reasons not included in our A B & C at the start of the thread Maybe the first one could be seen as a version of 'C' but the other is a damn good one!
xxxx
J&R
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"It could be said the female counterparts possibly have more success as singles but that’s surely for another topic lol" I don’t think there’s need for another topic concerning this as yes, single females do have more success as a single. I’ve noticed even new women who join with nothing on their profiles or even a picture can have 30+ ‘friends’ within an hour of joining; any single guys had that much attention? No. | |||
"I've said it before, and I'll say it YET again. If someone has sex outside of their relationship, without their partners knowledge, then it's cheating. If Mr Bloggs has sex with his secretary...... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs Joe has sex with the milkman...... it's classed as cheating If Mr Sloggs has sex down a dark alley with a fit woman, whilst out with his mates....... it's classed as cheating. If Mrs B.loggs has sex with hubbies best friend, whilst hubby is at work..... it's classed as cheating. To hang a swingers hat on a cheat is ridiculous. It's still classed as cheating. Surely the majority of attached cheaters on this site are on this site purely for sex because they think that if they ask for NSA sex with swingers, it's easier than explaining to Doris/Nigel on a friday night, why they have to go to her/his house or get their leg over in the back of a car in a deserted layby. Thats not swinging............ Its cheating! Hello again get on with your work you.
In your framework, what you say is 100% correct ..but what if the marriage
vow was different from the one you took and sanctioned a open relationship when the individual could meet others without prior knowledge or agreement.Such agreements are made for example in biker weddings,
We are just trying to get people in the situation you discribe to come in without fear of being blown away by preconceptions and to talk of why they personally are here in that situation.
The only way to do that is to not blanket condemn, rather take on there views and try to understand.
I am sure there are marriages like that. However, I and many people I know off can not understand that mentality. To have sexual contact without your partners knowledge is cheating..........
If bikers want to do it their way, surely they will do it with other bikers?
I may be wrong.......... usually am......but whats the point of being in a relationship if you can go off and shag what and who you want, when you want and bugger how the other person feels about it?
I used to swing with an Ex..... he could do what the blazes he liked as long as I was there, in the club/house etc. He shattered my trust by doing it behind my back, without my knowledge.
Thats why he's an ex and not the man I eventually married.
Oohhh, and in my very biased, blinkered book........ once a cheater, always a cheater.
Swinging is about trust, honesty and openness...... not about looking over your shoulder just in case some mad wife/hubby finds out and comes gunning for the 'other' party.
ok a scenario for you ...a woman says
I love my husbad dearly and would give my life for him .Unfortunately because of a repressed upbringing he can not now meet my advanced sexual needs...I do not want to leave him because i love him,he can not change because of his sexual storyboard and early life experiences.
i do not want to hurt him ...i am very discreet and supportive and loving in every other way.
does she live in denial of her sexual beeds for the rest of her life or ....
meet her needs quietly and sensitively
and save there otherwise very very happy marriage.??
"It's not that happy if she has to go out looking for sex BEHIND her hubbies back. Would be far better to have hubby in on it, have a regular fuck buddy kind of thing. After all, if hubby is that repressed and he finds out she is shagging all and sundary.............One more marriage gone bang because of infidelity. I personally and I say personally, don't give two hoots what anyone says. If you HAVE to cheat (and that's without partners permission)....... then your in the wrong relationship. Either get it sorted, or ship out. And I'll have no hooey about children, cus I'll throw any attempt to justify cheating for the sake children, into the water in 2 seconds flat. | |||
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" I don’t think there’s need for another topic concerning this as yes, single females do have more success as a single. I’ve noticed even new women who join with nothing on their profiles or even a picture can have 30+ ‘friends’ within an hour of joining; any single guys had that much attention? No." What we meant is, whether single women has more success than if they were swinging as as couple. xxxx J&R | |||
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"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught. FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in. So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is ....... The end of the world...... You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie. Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying. I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful. Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them." Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. | |||
"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught. FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in. So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is ....... The end of the world...... You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie. Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying. I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful. Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them. Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. " yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve. | |||
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"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught. FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in. So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is ....... The end of the world...... You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie. Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying. I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful. Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them. Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve." That will never happen. W | |||
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"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!" Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons. The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it. Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why. W | |||
"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it! Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons. The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it. Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why. W "Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ? | |||
"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught. FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in. So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is ....... The end of the world...... You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie. Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying. I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful. Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them. Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve." Give me one good reason why we should even take the time or trouble to listen to people who have nothing but disrespect, dishonesty and lies in their life? | |||
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"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it! Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons. The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it. Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why. W
Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ? "Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?. Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others. Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial. To those... Give it a rest, let others speak out for crying out loud, stop assuming your opinion is the only one that matters, it isn't, and before you say it, neither is mine, that is why I want others to have the chance to express their thoughts. W | |||
"When my Ex cheated on me, it was 4 days after I moved in with him. I was 300 miles away from home and totally distraught. FFS, decided to shag his bank manager, she knew I'd moved in. So, for the sake of a quick fuck, him not being able to keep his dick in his pants and her not being able to keep her old, fat legs together, they (and I do mean THEY) destroyed a relationship, humiliated and nearly destroyed me, made my children unhappy, left my parents with one clinically depressed daughter and left my dearest and bestest friend to pick up the pieces. I'm not saying that being cheated on is the worst thing in the world. It doesn't rate next to death, cancer, famine, torture etc........ but in your own little world, it is ....... The end of the world...... You lose all confidence, you lose trust in human nature, you lose trust in those around you. You end up depressed, not eating, barely sleeping and acting like a zombie. Everyone around you suffers and the ache that runs through you is almost soul destroying. I ended up a total wreck and a total idiot. My best friend saved me but she had to watch me going through hell and back all because some idiot (who was getting his cake and eating it) couldn't stay fooking faithful. Cheaters, in my own personal opinion, are scum because at the end of the day, the desecration and hurt they cause doesn't just affect the partner they cheat on, it affects everyone around them. Hear hear - been through all this myself and it's spot on. yeah it is spot on but how does it encourage people who do this to come on here and give us an insight into there thoughts,which was what the OP was trying to achieve. Give me one good reason why we should even take the time or trouble to listen to people who have nothing but disrespect, dishonesty and lies in their life?" A learning curve for those that don't understand. W | |||
"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it! Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons. The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it. Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why. W
Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?
Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?.
Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others.
Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial.
To those...
Give it a rest, let others speak out for crying out loud, stop assuming your opinion is the only one that matters, it isn't, and before you say it, neither is mine, that is why I want others to have the chance to express their thoughts.
W "There isnt anything wrong in having an opinion and airing it, we all have the right to do that. But the poster is stating the obvious, if the none singles out there think they are going to be shouted down in answering the question the original poster asked, then they will stay away. I know most don't want to hear the other side of the coin, but some of us would. | |||
"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it! Of course, I agree, but, justification or not, there are reasons. The more threads like this the more singles that aren't quite single will lie about it. Right or Wrong, it would be good to hear some reasons why. W
Exactly ..its about trying to create an environment where they can speak without the personalisation or lynch mob mentality ...but i think its blown now ...i mean would you ?
Nope, I don't think I would, does that mean the 'lynch mob' have won? or do they believe they have?.
Opinions are like arseholes, everyone has one and they all stink, some more than others.
Everyone should be entitled to express their opinion, whether it right or wrong, instead we have the same few shouting the loudest on any thread that could be considered nearly controversial.
To those...
Give it a rest, let others speak out for crying out loud, stop assuming your opinion is the only one that matters, it isn't, and before you say it, neither is mine, that is why I want others to have the chance to express their thoughts.
W
There isnt anything wrong in having an opinion and airing it, we all have the right to do that.
But the poster is stating the obvious, if the none singles out there think they are going to be shouted down in answering the question the original poster asked, then they will stay away.
I know most don't want to hear the other side of the coin, but some of us would."I agree, I am open to others opinions, But, some have been aired a little too much, let's hear some others for a change. ;D W | |||
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"I dont think that will happen , sadly." Nor do I, the empty can rattles the most!! W | |||
"What a quaint and touchy feely thought that is, folks are frightened to post on here because the big shouty person person is so scary "Some people dont like confrontation. | |||
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"It will never happen as there simply is no justification for it, even the fictional bolleaux from earlier does not justify it. If you are not getting what you want at home then man up and sort it!" That "fictional bolleaux" you pointed out is actually a situation someone i know related to me .After i was asked to act as an intermediary. He did know, as he realised when the one area of stress between them magically disapeared. His reaction ...why would i want to lose the woman i love and jeopardise 16 years of blissfully happy marriage with lots more to come ,because of what? meeting desires with another she does not love. Her deciept ? he realised she did it to protect him ,the issues were already out in the open ...he had suggested going elswhere...she did not tell him to spare the feelings of the man she loved. Things are not always black and white | |||
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"It is always black and white, it's cheating whichever way we all look at it, although the EXCUSES might not always be black and white." They are still together 18 years now i reckon .still happy, a loving family unit.i cant say but i wonder if they would be together,If they had not reacted to the tension in there relationship as they did. I know one women, who knows of her husbands infidelities and does nothing. To her he is not a bastard ..he is a rogue ..and he is her rogue ...he comes home to her ,and she gets quite turned on at the thought he has been with another but he always returns. Peoples sexual makup is totally different we all desire others, to apply a blanket rule which may not apply to them and chuck stones is unfair, it is between them. The genuine open relationship where they are shot down for being different under the suspicion that one party does not know. How can human sexuality have moved so far in returning to our natural state via such things as swinging.Yet we apply a one size fits all rule to people we know very little about,and from what i see refuse to listen to . Isnt that how it used to be with Black and Gay people? | |||
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"yes, we know it's cheating, we have heard it over and over again like a stuck record, the point is, not everyone has the same opinion, it would be nice if others could speak up before they are shot down. Let me add, I have been cheated on and cheated myself, I have no intentions of doing so again, as I am in a very different relationship to what I was when I cheated, like I said before, there may be no justification but there are reasons, and for once it would be nice to hear another side, not the same old same old. W
"I so agree its like ....ADULTERER ....burn the witch ...burn the witch ... its old ...its tired ...and i want to hear something different apart from the herd mentality on the issue. | |||
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"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be. If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved." i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ... dont go near them .... So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done ! So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation instincts....? I dont know ... But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it . | |||
"How lucky... I don't smoke but happen to have just the one match lol...." pmsl | |||
"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be. If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved. i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ... dont go near them .... So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done ! So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation instincts....? I dont know ... But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it . " Just because people have the same opinions on a subject, it doesn’t equate to mob rule, that’s just being childish, and if people cant have the same opinion, without having that thrown in your face then you won’t have many posts on each topic, its like you said earlier, its old ...its tired ...and you want to hear something different, well that tells you that you won’t here anything different, or you’d have heard it before. Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post. | |||
"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be. If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved. i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ... dont go near them .... So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done ! So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation instincts....? I dont know ... But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it . Just because people have the same opinions on a subject, it doesn’t equate to mob rule, that’s just being childish, and if people cant have the same opinion, without having that thrown in your face then you won’t have many posts on each topic, its like you said earlier, its old ...its tired ...and you want to hear something different, well that tells you that you won’t here anything different, or you’d have heard it before. Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post." yeah but all we have heard is from people who disagree and not the people doing it ..now ..do you think there is any chance they will, given some of the posts we have already had ...would you stick your head above the paprpet knowing half the army is aiming at it ? | |||
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"Just wait till Kyle is on... it'll be safe then lol..." its the wrong thread notts ...lmao | |||
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"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be. If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved. i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ... dont go near them .... So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done ! So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation instincts....? I dont know ... But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it . Just because people have the same opinions on a subject, it doesn’t equate to mob rule, that’s just being childish, and if people cant have the same opinion, without having that thrown in your face then you won’t have many posts on each topic, its like you said earlier, its old ...its tired ...and you want to hear something different, well that tells you that you won’t here anything different, or you’d have heard it before. Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post. yeah but all we have heard is from people who disagree and not the people doing it ..now ..do you think there is any chance they will, given some of the posts we have already had ...would you stick your head above the paprpet knowing half the army is aiming at it ?" Someone has a few posts up, but it went ignored? You seem wise PD so you’ll understand there’s something for everyone out there, the problems occur when people use deceit when they don’t have to, they just have to be honest, but its like everything in life some people get greedy and use deceit for there own gains. What I’d personally like to know is why people playing away pretend to be single, is it to escape the wrath like you said, or is it to get more meets knowing some people wont meet anyone playing away. Either way, the only problem we have with people playing away is when they lie to us about their status, there’s something for everyone out there and honesty is the way forward, how they treat their partner is their business. Swinging is supposed to be fun, but lets all be honest here, every choice that people makes seems to get questioned by someone, nobody should need to give explanations for there choices or have their choices questioned, If people would just move on to profiles where all involved are looking for the same things this topic wouldn’t exist. | |||
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"PD if you ask anyone who cheats if they think its wrong what do you think the answer would be. If people want to cheat thats fine, they just dont have to involve people who have no wish to be involved, its bad enough risking a partners sexual health whilst having an affair with one person, but swinging with multiple partners adds greater risk, that the unaware partners has no choice or control over, after all theres no such thing as safe sex, we just don't think that cheating has its place in swinging as everyone involved should have a choice of the risks involved. i agree if people want to do it its there decision as you say .And if you dont want them anywhere near you ....fine...your opinion...up to you ... dont go near them .... So you do not want to hear what people who have sex outside of marriage have to say ..because it might encourage them to have more sex and put there partner at even more risk ...generous of you well done ! So you think people who have affairs lose all scruples and self preservation instincts....? I dont know ... But i would love to find out, and the mob rhetoric isnt going to draw them out is it . Just because people have the same opinions on a subject, it doesn’t equate to mob rule, that’s just being childish, and if people cant have the same opinion, without having that thrown in your face then you won’t have many posts on each topic, its like you said earlier, its old ...its tired ...and you want to hear something different, well that tells you that you won’t here anything different, or you’d have heard it before. Step out of this one now before it gets personal, would be nice to hear people reasons but the OP covered most in the oppening post. yeah but all we have heard is from people who disagree and not the people doing it ..now ..do you think there is any chance they will, given some of the posts we have already had ...would you stick your head above the paprpet knowing half the army is aiming at it ? Someone has a few posts up, but it went ignored? You seem wise PD so you’ll understand there’s something for everyone out there, the problems occur when people use deceit when they don’t have to, they just have to be honest, but its like everything in life some people get greedy and use deceit for there own gains. What I’d personally like to know is why people playing away pretend to be single, is it to escape the wrath like you said, or is it to get more meets knowing some people wont meet anyone playing away. Either way, the only problem we have with people playing away is when they lie to us about their status, there’s something for everyone out there and honesty is the way forward, how they treat their partner is their business. Swinging is supposed to be fun, but lets all be honest here, every choice that people makes seems to get questioned by someone, nobody should need to give explanations for there choices or have their choices questioned, If people would just move on to profiles where all involved are looking for the same things this topic wouldn’t exist. " i agree with you i have a few questions too ... my posts are purely designed to create a place where the only people who can answer them, can come without fear of that overwhelming disaproval we all feel. The conceptof deciet will always be there and i am sure really raw for a lot of people including me .. But let people come in and have there say under a white flag i reckon ,so we can try to understand there side of it . if there is one | |||
" I know one women, who knows of her husbands infidelities and does nothing. To her he is not a bastard ..he is a rogue ..and he is her rogue ...he comes home to her ,and she gets quite turned on at the thought he has been with another but he always returns. " PD maybe you hold the key yourself, that is exactly the situation that we are trying to understand. Now seeing as you know this lady if you can explain this couples situation better then you would go a long way towards answering our original question. You see, we would say that this couple should, in our minds, be swingers! Even if only looking for 'cuckold' type fun. That way the guy gets even more fun, she gets off on what he is doing, no one is playing with a supposedly single married guy (if they don't like that) and she may get to expand on her fantasy of her guy with another woman (may even fancy some of the same fun herself) and it's happy days for all. So shouldn't they be swingers, these two, rather than the 'cheating' for want of a better word, situation as it stands now? That's exactly what we are getting at. xxxxx Ju & Rich | |||
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" I have to ask why some people still don't understand that it takes a bit of effort to come in a Forum and make a contribution so if you think you are going to be abused and shouted at then you won't bother. Why should you? " It's popular over on FabMasochists... | |||
"I have met guys i know who are married, and ive probably on occasions met guys who are but i dont know . How i see it , rightly or wrongly is , its their deceipt not mine and im only in the situation for a short time. My concience is clear on all parts as im trusting those i play with to tell me the truth. Once in the know i can then make my own mind up , continue or not ? As a single fem in the scene and maybe having a little fun on a friday evening at a club, even chatting. The conversation of who is married and who is not , does not "often" get raised. Im not saying this is right but when the hormones are rampant and the smell of raw sex is in the air. Some will just go with the flow. " The rights and wrongs of your actions are for you and you alone to decide in our opinion. What we always have problems with are those that seem very willing to judge others when it comes down to whether they are married or not, then throw their aggressive views into the wind and run off to swingers clubs? Married males/females and married f/buddies are certainly present, and as you say - "when the hormones are rampant and the smell of raw sex is in the air" some people here seem to be able to completely disregard their usual 'rules' ? | |||
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" Married folk playing away will always migrate to sites like this because there are just enough folk like Polo, and I mean absolutely nothing derogatory here, who simply want to have fun and could not care about others private lives which makes it worth a shot. " Oh we had a jolly good laugh at this. You really don't know polo at all do you yet feel qualified to make such a bold assumption. Yes we do know her very well and we can actually understand what she has posted. May be because we took the trouble to read it for what it says. We don't post much but we do come and have a good read from time to time and who was it who used single guys as dildos with a pulse? We are sure you checked none of them were married and put them off trying their playing away habits at swinging clubs. | |||
" If sites were full of sanctimonious old gits like me " We'd give up the lifestyle altogether! | |||
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"But we don't wanna shout at married singles, we said at the start we had played with a few and no doubt will play with a few more. We're not being judgemental just interested, but so far not one want's to explain their point of view, and why they swing as a single guy (hard work aparently) and not as a couple (much easier). Now even PD who could hold the key lol has gone unusually quiet.... xxxxx J&R" I am sorry for not responding ..i wanted to think about whether it felt right to discuss there curcumstances as they are friends of mine and wanted to ask them first ..she is ok with it . The position with them is ...basically a historical one .They met when very young through a common interest .He is very much an Alpha male ,bodybuilder.woemn find him attractive and good looking even as he has got older . His ability to resist is low , and we used to go out regularly and i would witness his infedelity and it placed me in a bad position as i was close friends with both of them . I stopped going out clubbing with him when he used me and a relative as cover ..and that was a step too far so i told him straight to clean his act up as his missus didnt deserve it. Unfortunately he had been seen out on the town with a woman by a mutual freind who told her .. She questioned me and i started to appologise in case she thought it was me being duplicious on his behalf ..but she said ...look dont worry ...i know what he is like and to be honest he cant help himself ..and i like him that way ...it makes me feel good that after all this time ...despite god know who he comes home to me and we are happy . So in a way she saw his infidelity as a testament to his manliness and also to his love for her ..she also added with a glint in her eye and a smile if i was in his position i would do the same ....but there is nothnig known on that front . They are not swingers ..that i know ...he is totally unaware that she knows ...she has never confronted him but seems to have fun putting him in awkward situations and asking questions he would rather not answer ...which to me would be a living hell ....lol anyway thats it really ... | |||
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"I am on here as a single female who plays with a partners consent and have noticed throughout the swinging world there are alot of double standards. I have spoken to those who donot play with men who are attached but when it comes to a bi female it doesnt matter. why not? I have tested this theory by actually telling people I am married playing away. Is it because of the lack of single bi fems that people are willing to forget thier moral judgements? I would play regardless of whether my partner agreed or not. He fulfills neither my bi sexual needs, nor does he relish my kinky side. The thought of me sticking my fist up his ass or inserting sounds into his cock does nothing for him, yet it does for me. He is also allowed out to play, although he has not had the urge to. His choice. Together we have a great marriage and great sex, however does this mean I should supress my sexuality if I dont have consent? I personally wouldnt dream of asking someone their circumstances when it comes to swinging, nor would I be judgemental. Everyone has their reasons, and who am I to say whether they are right or wrong, just because they dont fit into my ideal. Each to their own choices. Those who are doing what you consider wrong are the people who have to live with thier actions, not you, so why worry. After all shallow as it may seem, I am only here to scratch a sexual itch. The only thing I am interested in, is what your in to and if it appeals, the rest is irrelevant." some good points there ...maybe some people will chuck there morality in the cupboard when it suits,like how many go into any depth at a club ..they take people at face value and if they dont know, it doesnt seem to matter.But even tho the same can be said of people on here (we do not know there curcumstances) many people point the finger . Its strange . | |||
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"man wasnt made to be monogamous,if its got a pulse we will,in all honesty,try anyway we can to shag it ...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it"At the risk of being called a liar, or just plain odd, that doesn't apply to all of us. I'm only on here because I'm not in a relationship right now, and figured I'd give it ago (all be it failing badly :D ). If I was in a relationship I would not, for want of a better way of putting it, be shagging around behind her back. I've never cheated on anyone, and never would. Not being pious about it, but its just not in my nature to cheat on someone. | |||
"man wasnt made to be monogamous,if its got a pulse we will,in all honesty,try anyway we can to shag it ...lets face it,if a married/attached bloke thinks he has a chance of a bit of nookie on the side he is going to take it
At the risk of being called a liar, or just plain odd, that doesn't apply to all of us. I'm only on here because I'm not in a relationship right now, and figured I'd give it ago (all be it failing badly :D ). If I was in a relationship I would not, for want of a better way of putting it, be shagging around behind her back. I've never cheated on anyone, and never would.
Not being pious about it, but its just not in my nature to cheat on someone."I totally agree with you. Having your cake and eat it! springs to mind for attached males/females. But then each to thier own. | |||
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"Biting the bullet and waiting for the backlash..." Why would there be a backlash? I personally wouldn't do it, but I can imagine situations where someone might. Besides, considering what this site is about, it would be a bit hypocritical to chastise you for going against convention. | |||
"Biting the bullet and waiting for the backlash... Why would there be a backlash? I personally wouldn't do it, but I can imagine situations where someone might. Besides, considering what this site is about, it would be a bit hypocritical to chastise you for going against convention." dont wanna post anything just likethe thought ov being underneath ya !!! | |||
"dont wanna post anything just likethe thought ov being underneath ya !!! " Don't need to post anything on here for that, just ask | |||
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"We did the "fuck buddy" thing a couple of years back and whilst it was bloody good fun on the way home we wondered how we would feel if either of us was out "fuck buddying" We now will not meet anyone who is not part of an established relationship. We do play with single guys in clubs but salve our conscience with the fact that they are supposed to be single and we never ask about attachment. For us those that knowingly cheat or play with cheats are not swingers and the itch scratch excuse is very Jeremy Kyle." thats a good point re singles in clubs as it can have a double meaning is it "a single as in not in a commited formal realtionship" or "single as in not part of a couple" . What complicates it further is the fact that singles get together to get into clubs cheaper as couples then split up or perhaps swing as a fuck buddy couple both cheating. It therfor makes it difficult to castigate people on here for Cheating if we turn a blind eye to it when it suits ...(i do not mean you as a couple ,just generally) | |||
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Each to their own and all that....
Have to add though that not ALL men are the same like some people are suggesting. | |||
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