FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > What is it with the fear factor and clubs ?
What is it with the fear factor and clubs ?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Just wondered why so many folk seem to be worried about attending swinging clubs .
Our local , the lodge in gloucester is an ideal place to meet and play , yet so many fellow fabsters seem anti clubs .
Why is this ?
Is it cost , who may see you or something else ?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me , the fear of going was the idea i had in mind that it was full of pervy single guys ready to pounce the minute i walked in !!!....i was taken to my first club by a very nice gentleman ,went to infusions , i loved it ...completely dispelled any fears i had and now i love clubs ....Even go on my own now  |
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I think its entering the unknown for the first time. To be honest we were really nervous on our first club visit but now prefer meeting in clubs to private meets. I now find it more daunting going to someones home than a club as its unfamiliar territory. Each to their own I suppose. xxx |
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"For me , the fear of going was the idea i had in mind that it was full of pervy single guys ready to pounce the minute i walked in !!!....i was taken to my first club by a very nice gentleman ,went to infusions , i loved it ...completely dispelled any fears i had and now i love clubs ....Even go on my own now "
Thats the fear and idea i have lol  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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We must admit the first time was a very scary prospect ... but now it is like any night out with the added benefit of lots of like minded people !
We much prefer meeting at the club than going to someones home now x |
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"
Is it cost , who may see you or something else ?
"
Both of these are often quoted as reasons. Also
a) Unwillingness to be seen undressed or having sex by others
b) A presumed expectation of playing
c) Fear of packs of pushy single men
a) is common even amongst people who do attend clubs but is addressable simply by using a private room, although I do wonder if these people might prefer to go to socials and then play in private at another time but cannot due to the lack of socials in many areas.
b) seems to be often connected to a) but is in our experience not true.
c) people at clubs are generally better behaved in our experience than in normal social situations but you do get the occasional graceless idiot. Males are no more likely to be so than women or couples, there are just more of them on non couples nights so they get noticed more. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Good points natasha-david , and the fear of being seen entering a club is true too - but once you have done it once it gets easier !
The confidence that comes from going regularly is a bonus and as a couple we have been lucky to not have any problems with pestering or expectation - sometimes it's the opposite on a quiet night as there may not be the opportunity to be hunted by a pack of guys !!!! |
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Some great points here, for us going to a club even after many years is still a very nervous time. Our main worry is that we bump into friends/family or even a neighbour lol silly we know but true it happened!!!!. We tend to favour the club scene its a lot more social, we don't do the private party scene to much(never get any invites lol). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me, the fear is how people would react to me when they see me there. On my time on fab i have sent out my face pic and the majority of time it has been 'we don't meet people like you'.
..yet, if i was to go to a club. These may be the exact sort of people i would meet there.
So, i'm bound to be nervous.
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" Our main worry is that we bump into friends/family or even a neighbour lol "
You simply look shocked and say "MyGod! I didn't know you were in to this sort of thing. I only popped in to sell a few raffle tickets for the church orphans fund." Then exit swiftly feigning disgust  |
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"Just wondered why so many folk seem to be worried about attending swinging clubs .
Our local , the lodge in gloucester is an ideal place to meet and play , yet so many fellow fabsters seem anti clubs .
Why is this ?
Is it cost , who may see you or something else ?think its the shyness and they just bottle it
"
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"For me, the fear is how people would react to me when they see me there. On my time on fab i have sent out my face pic and the majority of time it has been 'we don't meet people like you'.
..yet, if i was to go to a club. These may be the exact sort of people i would meet there.hi think a lot are the first swinging party hi went to hi said to my fuckbuddy we stay hour and go did not leave till next day lol
So, i'm bound to be nervous.
"
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By *_MariusMan
over a year ago
Currently Faraway |
Dear Glos
I think the answer to your question would be that different people are looking for different things. Some people are not "into the club scene" and prefer intimate settings, some will only meet at clubs, and some of us-myself included-are open to all options x |
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" Our main worry is that we bump into friends/family or even a neighbour lol silly we know but true it happened!!!!. We tend to favour the club scene its a lot more social, we don't do the private party scene to much(never get any invites lol)."
I've bumped into fellow mums from the school gate at a club At the end of the day, you're there for the same reasons The main people I can see fearing this happening are attached people playing away without permission (both sexes)
I prefer clubs to hotel/ house meets - if you don't get on you can both move on to someone else (so the night hasn't been lost) and I find the atmosphere more sociable & less strained.
P x |
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By *irtyDee33Woman
over a year ago
South Yorkshire |
"For me , the fear of going was the idea i had in mind that it was full of pervy single guys ready to pounce the minute i walked in !!!....i was taken to my first club by a very nice gentleman ,went to infusions , i loved it ...completely dispelled any fears i had and now i love clubs ....Even go on my own now
Thats the fear and idea i have lol "
Me too lol |
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There's a fine line between excitement and fear, which some seem to confuse and get blurred. So most would admit they'd be turned on if they went and would love action.
I was nervous the first time but also keen to experience how it was, and like most of us, it more than lived up to expectations.
I can see that for single guys it may be cost prohibitive, if they've had limited luck on fab, and then concerned that a club could be similar. For the rest of us, it's a little easier, due to lower cost, but some people just need excuses never to do something new. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Must admit I love clubs had much worse experiences in bars in town than in swinging clubs they are safe and I feel confident enough to go alone cannot say that bout most vanilla bars and clubs .. |
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"
I can see that for single guys it may be cost prohibitive, if they've had limited luck on fab, and then concerned that a club could be similar. For the rest of us, it's a little easier, due to lower cost, but some people just need excuses never to do something new."
Well all guys local to Gloucester on that basis should try and come along to The Lodge tomorrow night - it's a FREE play night, so that removes cost as an excuse/ reason for any of them! |
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"my main reason is clubs rip single guys off I realise noone wants a sausage fest but single guys often get charged 5 or 6 times what they charge a fem or couple"
Basic economics and supply and demand  |
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"Fear of the unknown i guess ! For me as a middle aged bloke, fear that it would be full of 23 year old's with suntans and six packs.....!
"
Thankfully (imo) not - there's usually a good range of ages and sizes around x |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
sometimes the issue is that some people have pre-conceived notions of a club.. and then scare themselves off with that very pre-conceived notion....
orgies everywhere...
being dragging into playin against their will
no one talking.... or being stalked everywhere by folks
i would say to every just try one... open mind, no expectations and just chat to people..... we were all new once |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"ye I know but still the reason k don't go 25 or 30 quid rules me out "
no offence.. budget...
its not that you can't go... it that you can't go as often as you may like...
5 pound a week for example would mean you would go every 5-6 weeks if you wanted to.... |
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"my main reason is clubs rip single guys off I realise noone wants a sausage fest but single guys often get charged 5 or 6 times what they charge a fem or couple"
Can't think of any club that charges single guys 5 or 6 times the price of a couple for admission. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fear of the unknown i guess ! For me as a middle aged bloke, fear that it would be full of 23 year old's with suntans and six packs.....!
"
you will meet more middle age peeps than 23 yr olds, most club goers tend to be middle age and older,
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The lodge doesn't appeal to us for some reason.
We do like the kestral,abfabs but only been there once.
We were surprised how young people were there.
Really want to try chams,xtasia
With a club you have no idea how the nights gonna turn out either, so many bodies |
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"ye I know but still the reason k don't go 25 or 30 quid rules me out
no offence.. budget...
its not that you can't go... it that you can't go as often as you may like...
5 pound a week for example would mean you would go every 5-6 weeks if you wanted to...."
this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We must admit the first time was a very scary prospect ... but now it is like any night out with the added benefit of lots of like minded people !
We much prefer meeting at the club than going to someones home now x"
Totally agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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" Our main worry is that we bump into friends/family or even a neighbour lol
You simply look shocked and say "MyGod! I didn't know you were in to this sort of thing. I only popped in to sell a few raffle tickets for the church orphans fund." Then exit swiftly feigning disgust "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is a lot of misconceptions about clubs, the main one being that you have sex with everyone and anybody, which is absurd.
I was nervous the first time because it's fear of the unknown. I'd seen documentaries about swingers, Louis Theroux episodes etc, I was worried about naked men constantly asking me for sex (bit of wishful thinking obviously). What I found was a mix of friendly and diverse people, just like you'd meet in the local pub, only with less clothing on.
I also find it more relaxing in clubs, far less pressure than going to a strangers house and it's safer. I don't always play
at clubs, or I only play with my partner, noone has ever complained to the management that I'm not having sex with enough people.
It's a great night to parade around and meeting lots of fun people |
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Long time no see 