FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > your thoughts please
your thoughts please
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We have been swinging on and off for 10 years now, have met great people and had some great times,the problem is I would love a mmf session, now we have had couples where I have had this but I would love hubby and another guy not the guy from a couple with the fem around, hubby does not want this, when I ask his reason he just says it's not my thing and I dont want to do it! He just cannot give me another good reason why we cant, in fact he wont talk to me about it. He's quite happy when it's another couple and loves to see me being pleasured by him and the male so I just don't get it. We have been married for 32 years and together since I was 16 so he knows I'm not looking to find a relationship, we are very happy and have a brill sex life. Just wondered if anyone has any ideas why he wont do it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The only person who can tell you why he won't do it is him 
Maybe when you play with a couple he feels that you both get something extra that he won't get if you play with a single man? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Poppyandcock...does hubby use the forums? only I don't think I would be very happy if Rob had posted a thread along the same sort of lines.....Im only thinking about any backlash you may get by bringing it to the attention of everyone on here, you know him better than any of us xx |
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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
"the problem is I would love a mmf session, now we have had couples where I have had this but I would love hubby and another guy not the guy from a couple with the fem around "
Well apart from the fact you should ask him and not us..... I (Rich) can maybe try and explain this a little.
When we started swinging we were only meeting couples as we both wanted to get someting out of it (i.e. other partners to have sex with), plus we discovered group sex is very ice too.
So MMF was just not on the list of what we wanted to do. The reason being that while I am *happy* to see J have a lot of fun with other guys, I'm not particularly *turned on* by it - other than a kinda sense of respect (sorta 'that's my girl' feelings) Once when J took on 5 guys at a club which I saw her do, I felt immensely proud of her but like I say not turned on.
Anyway after a while we had the chance to do a FFM with a single bi-fem friend of ours who came here and stopped the night. That was a lot of fun but really we decided 4sums are better
HOwever some time later we did do a MMF by chance with a single guy at a club - it was a spontaneous thing, J was already playing with the guy alone and I went to see where she was and I just kinda joined in. I did enjoy it on the night but not as much as a 4 sum
This guy then wanted to arrange another MMF so J asked if I would do it, but I decided really it was still not my thing so we decided that J should do a solo hotel meet with him instead - first time either of us ever did solo!
Since all thns happened I have now done MMF a couple times with another guy and another fem (not J) and I found actually I like that rather a lot - this tends to happen at parties when we often wander off and play alone in different rooms/groups
So I can only explain my feelings about MMF. Really you should talk about it yourselves, the reasons could be similar..... We would suggest maybe that MMF while at a party where the three of you can wander off to another room for a little while may be a compromise
xxx
j&r
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Thanks for the replies, I guess I'm just gonna have to accept that it's not his thing. And yes I have talked to him about it several times and always get the same response, so I don't push it and I do respect his wishes. He does know that I would be writing about it in the forum, I was just wondering if any other guys felt the same and why, that was my reason for the post. As I say I respect his wishes and am gonna leave it at that. Thanks peeps
xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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All i can think it can be is that he does not mind you being with another guy so long as he gets to be with another woman, maybe not at the same time because as you have said hes happy to play mmf with the wife watching, but maybe thats because he knows at some point in the evening hes going to get to play with her too, i think it happens a lot in swiinging where couples have the attitude, you can't if im not, maybe if you have asked before and hes always said no all you can do it respect, but i have to say if my hubby would'nt let us meet single guys i would'nt be meeting single fems, but thats upto you lol |
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You can always ask about how he feels about mff...you might get an insight on why he wouldn't ant mmf...sometimes it may be that he feel there's possibility the guy trying to hit on you into becoming more than just a swinging friend...like try to see you without him...it's not that he doesn't trust you...it's just that he doesn't trust the single guys...if the guy is a part of a couple then...the guy always have his gf/wife to go back to... |
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"You can always ask about how he feels about mff...you might get an insight on why he wouldn't ant mmf...sometimes it may be that he feel there's possibility the guy trying to hit on you into becoming more than just a swinging friend...like try to see you without him...it's not that he doesn't trust you...it's just that he doesn't trust the single guys...if the guy is a part of a couple then...the guy always have his gf/wife to go back to..."
That's a good point! I am more than happy to do ffm and I know he is, will sit him down and have a very long chat but will still respect his wishes whatever. Thanks
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No offence but it sounds a little selfish to us,in a kind of "What's in it for me?" way.
Obviously when there's another couple involved all's well because he's getting pleasure from the other woman.However with MMF the physical pleasure is all yours,even if he does get mental and visual stimulation from it.It seem's if there's no physical pleasure in it for him then it's a no go.
This could well be why he doesn't want to disuss it with you because if he's not getting physical pleasure,he doesn't see why you should.It's a selfish thing to have to admit to.
This may not be the case but it is a possibility and may also explain his reluctance in talking about it.
The theory is probably completely wrong but it is a thought,from the outside looking in.
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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By far the safest and easiest to manage way of making this happen, and it's what we do, is to suggest going to a club on an evening when single guys are allowed in.
Single guys in clubs have to be on their absolute best behaviour to continue being members which means that you and hubby have total control of the situation.
Playing with a single guy then politely disengaging to go your separate ways is very easy, not always the case if the guy comes to your home or hotel room. You also have the added bonus of having lots of couples to potentially have fun with which satisfies both of your expectations in the one evening.
I love watching Mrs Two2 pick the guy she wants fun with then sitting back to watch her enjoy herself, but thats what works for us. For you, compromise is probably the only way ahead and a club like Chams on a Friday night would seem to offer the best chance of success. |
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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
Yes could be like trace and rick say too - we wonder how does he feel about an mmf with him, a woman other than yourself + another guy?
If he asnswered yes it may well mean that for him he always wants to have another fem to play with while swinging.
If he answered no it may well mean he's just a little homophobic.
Maybe this is quite common because a lot of men are less bi than a lot of fems on the scene? We did a fantastically sexy FFM with a lovely lady last night and that works well as Ju and the other fem are bi so we all get something from it. In fact for next time the girls want me to buy them a strap on!
When vanilla straight guys talk about threesomes they always mean the FFM variety don't they? In fact a vanilla friend of ours made the joke that if he ever found a fem wanting to do a threesome it would be his luck that she would bring another guy along! Proves that point we think.
xxx
j&r |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yeah,know what you mean about the vanilla guys idea of a threesome,lol.
However one woman can do more with two guys than one guy can do with two women.
Unless the two women are bi they're gonna end up twiddling their thunbs while he's giving a dry click.
It's all down to simple physiology.
XXXX |
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By *ichNjudyCouple
over a year ago
stoke on trent |
mmm yeah Trace/Ric, but when the fems are bi and not pretending - especially if they are really fond each other on a friends type of level as well as fancying each other like mad..... then the FFM has gotta be so very hard to beat hasn't it?
xxxx
R&J |
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Polo's 3 rules for swinging:
1 – be honest with yourself about what you want.
2 – be honest with those you intend to play with about what you want.
3 – never do anything you don’t really want to just to keep someone else happy.
To me they are 3 simple rules and if everyone played by them then oh what a much easier lifestyle this would be.
You may not immediately see the relevance of these rules in relation to the opening post… but have a longer think about rule number 3 before listening to ways to manipulate a partner into a situation.
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*chuckle chuckle*
Now I am imagining what the replies would have been like if this was a guy asking for advice on how to get the missus to agree to doing mff… after she had already clearly stated she didn’t want to do it... lol |
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"*chuckle chuckle*
Now I am imagining what the replies would have been like if this was a guy asking for advice on how to get the missus to agree to doing mff… after she had already clearly stated she didn’t want to do it... lol"
he he he ...good point .....a verbal throat slitting i reckon .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"mmm yeah Trace/Ric, but when the fems are bi and not pretending - especially if they are really fond each other on a friends type of level as well as fancying each other like mad..... then the FFM has gotta be so very hard to beat hasn't it?
xxxx
R&J"
Have you been spying on us? lol
XXXX |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't know maybe I'm a bit merry but if Scott said he didnt want to do something and wasnt comfortable with it, then we just wouldn't do it, no questions asked. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Damn wish there was an edit button, doesnt matter if Im merry or not I would'nt question it "
Absolutely and we're the same. However,both of us would give a logical reason why we didn't want to do something just to explain our reason/s.Everyone is entitled to an explanation and thats all the o.p was after.
XXXX |
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