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Public 1st Meeting - is this too much to ask?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I'm sure this has been covered, but I just wanted to get a little advice.
For around 7 years I've been swinging and meeting guys at my home. However after a string of awkward meets I have now decided that I will only meet new guys for a drink in a public place before going back to my place.
The amount of guys that have said to me that this isn't a dating site, that i've lost the plot or that they don't need to me verified and that I should get over myself has shocked me.
Have I lost the plot?
Is it really too much to ask for a someone to meet me for a quick drink before going back to my place for fun?
How do you meet a new person? I've not got the confidence to go to a swinging club on my own and they aren;t really my thing, so can;t really think of an alturnative really.
I just want a little advice on if I need to reassess my requirements on meetings.
Thanks
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its crazy for guys to expect an invite straight to your home for safety's sake if nothing else. Go with your gut. If they dont like it there are others that will. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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thanks for the messages.....
I honestly was beginning to think I was asking too much from people and was seriously considering giving up meeting all together because of the abuse I've been getting  |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"Hello
You should do what makes you feel safe, bugger the rest
Sue"
exactly what she says..... if it is for your own safety then no one should ever criticise that!!!
do what you feel is best for you, and if the guys don't like it... cross em off, and move on!!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I never ever meet someone unless it's a public place... First meet that is lol... Seriously, if people don't like your rules do you really think they are worth meeting at all.. Don't let someone dictate to you, it's your safety and comfort that is important. It's not a date, it's a chance to see if you really want them to play and come to your home. If I was told my place/ their place or nothing , I'd get a good book and spend my time doing something I felt comfy with. Don't feel pressurised you can alway tell them they are lucky your mum didn't want to meet them too lol xx |
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Your approach is the obvious sensible one for all sorts of reasons, and fellas shouldn't be trying to guilt you into changing your mind - because really that's all they're doing.
I wouldn't expect a first meet to be anything other than a safe, public encounter in a place where it's easy (for either party!) to make a getaway if they feel things aren't right.
Equally, I advise ladies to always let someone else know exactly where they're going to be - not because I'm an axe murderer (pervert, yes, axe murderer, no!) but just for their own peace of mind.
Stick with what you're comfortable with, and ignore any fellas too insensitive to understand why you do - it's their loss 
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By *plpxp2Couple
over a year ago
Middlesbrough |
Social meets are essential, bloody difficult extracating yourself from someone house (bought the Tshirt) or worse still telling someone to leave yours.
Play the way you want, if folks don't accept you as an individual then they aren't worth meeting. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hi hun its your rules so thay take it or leave it hun you no what some are like on here darl but not all thanks babe and make them meet you were you say or not at all hun good look xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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i do meets at my home only reason why
is cause i can look after myself an if
he starts his shit when we dont get on
ill pap him out on his arse
but do wat u feel safe with hun best way xx |
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By *ugby 123Couple
over a year ago
Forum Mod O o O oo |
We meet at a mutually arranged meet. If we don't click at the meet, then we don't invite them to our home for the meet to carry on.
If I was a single woman playing alone, I would do the same...if a person doesn't like this it would make me think they were after a quickie. Surely he should know you want to feel safe and if he can't understand that then I wouldn't want to meet him anyway.
Do whats comfortable for you. |
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I make you right, it says a lot about a guy if he is happy to go along with the needs and requirements of a woman on a meet.
I would be more inclined to meet a guy who was happy to say yes to a social meet without hesitation, whereas if a guy seemed in any way reluctant to meet for a drink or coffee first it would set off alarm bells in my head and I wouldn't persue the matter and move on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of men are like that, stick to your guns, through experience the men that try to rush things tend to be attached and short of time, after all he's probably told the wife he's only popping to tescos for a loaf of bread  |
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We can only reiterate what everyone else is saying but even as a couple we have the same rule, we will ONLY meet a single guy for the first time in a public place and if they don’t like it… no meeting!
As Satisfy Jane has said, if a guy if reluctant to go along with your rules then you are well shot of what would probably be the wrong guy for you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make you right, it says a lot about a guy if he is happy to go along with the needs and requirements of a woman on a meet.
I would be more inclined to meet a guy who was happy to say yes to a social meet without hesitation, whereas if a guy seemed in any way reluctant to meet for a drink or coffee first it would set off alarm bells in my head and I wouldn't persue the matter and move on."
I agree totally!
Alarming there are men unable to comprehend women want to feel safe meeting strangers so a social meet is a must!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure this has been covered, but I just wanted to get a little advice.
For around 7 years I've been swinging and meeting guys at my home. However after a string of awkward meets I have now decided that I will only meet new guys for a drink in a public place before going back to my place.
The amount of guys that have said to me that this isn't a dating site, that i've lost the plot or that they don't need to me verified and that I should get over myself has shocked me.
Have I lost the plot?
Is it really too much to ask for a someone to meet me for a quick drink before going back to my place for fun?
How do you meet a new person? I've not got the confidence to go to a swinging club on my own and they aren;t really my thing, so can;t really think of an alturnative really.
I just want a little advice on if I need to reassess my requirements on meetings.
Thanks
"
From one single female to another, no you hav'nt lost the plot, your safty comes first before any guy on this site, any decent guy will be happy to meet you for a drink to put you at ease, anyone who will not tell them to f**k off, no its not a dating site but its also not a free hookers site!!
I always meet in public first, if a guys not happy to meet me for a drink he can bugger off i'll find someone who is
Its your home, you play it by your rules, if they not happy with that ask them for their address and tell them you'll come round to their house then see how many back off |
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As a single male, I expect to meet people in public places how some couples would rather meet in a hotel.
Everyone should make sure it's safe, after all everyone is capable of horrible things.
I'm happy to chat on phone / msn to get to know person and guys who don't do that kind of thing are giving us other single guys a bad name.
Phil |
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Northants |
"
The amount of guys that have said to me that this isn't a dating site, that i've lost the plot or that they don't need to me verified and that I should get over myself has shocked me.
"
What you have there are the poor excuses for men who, because they are on a swing site, think you owe them a shag cos your easy! These are the same guys who would never pull at a club on a saturday evening, even if it were full of over 80s!
Stick to your guns and stay safe xx |
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By *harpDressed ManMan
over a year ago
Here occasionally, but mostly somewhere else |
"These are the same guys who would never pull at a club on a saturday evening, even if it were full of over 80s!
"
I happen to know some VERY picky pensioners....they're not as easy as you think... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"i do meets at my home only reason why
is cause i can look after myself an if
he starts his shit when we dont get on
ill pap him out on his arse
but do wat u feel safe with hun best way xx"
MY kinda gal xxxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Even as a single male I would want to meet somewhere beforehand. I always offer a face pic, then a telephone conversation, then a mutually acceptable public meet....Then if, and only if everyone is happy would I be happy to take it further  |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
This is what I do.
Request a clear face pic sent via attatchment to mail on here. Then chat more and once your thinking of meeting him chat with him on the phone and see if the chemistry is still there.
I also will mail another single fem that he has met if he has verfications and tell her your planning to meet him and would like her honest opinion on him woman to woman if he is a nice guy and is there anything else she can add to what she put in his verfication.
I then mail the guy in question to explain what I have done and if he understands that naturally I am thinking of my safety in asking a previous meet then great. If he gets all arsey then delete and block but explain to him first if he doesnt think my safety is extreemly important.
Remember for every idiot who wont meet at a pub before you go back to whereever for fun then there will be many who are totally happy with it and be really glad to meet a lovely sensible lady.
YOU make the decisions hunny, if you dont feel comfy then say so.
If you can see them on webcam too before that is even better.
Also ask when the face pic was taken too. He may turn up looking 10 years older than his pic so we wary(am sure ladies can do this too)
I also remind people that if the chemistry isnt there in person nout is gonna happen, so they know beforehand.
Good luck hunny x |
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I don't always arrange a pre-meet face to face - it very much depends on how they come across online and on the phone and what I have seen of them so far - but more often than not I do expect to meet for a chat before arranging anything else. If I feel there is a need to have a pre-meet with someone and they are not prepared to meet up for a "no promises" natter then they can go fuck themselves quite frankly.... if they try and bring in some bullcrap about "this is a swinging site" they can go fuck themselves with an oversized pineapple (tree still attached)!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To be honest, if it was a female asking me to come to theirs having never met before in a public place, I'd be kinda wary! I'd have thought that most guys with their heads screwed on would have had absolutely no problems with a meet in a public place beforehand - I know I wouldn't. The worst - the absolute worst - thing from a guys perspective that can happen from there on in is that you have a drink and go home. And if that happens, well, that's life! If Ronaldo can't score every time he's on the pitch then why should anyone else be different? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always want to meet in a public place in the first instance, but even that I'm wary of. I didn't fancy the last guy I met and he got really abusive and insisted that because I'm a swinger I should fuck everyone I meet I'm thinking of giving up. |
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Be in control of your own safety and trust you own judgements, do what feels right and makes since, to meet in a public place 1st makes sense to me. If the guys dont understand this then he isnt worthy of having you. Bb (male). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If they cant meet in public place then there is something wrong and they are not the person for you.
Had a guy wanting me to meet him in car when we had arranged for coffee im McDonalds this really put me off him. Did meet him in place was to meet him and was right about him.
He asked me to flash by chest at him and kept saying can we go outside so can touch them.
Was glad that could walk away as just been to docs and be able tell him was not really well after the visit.
He creeped me out was waiting for lift as was sure he would follow me home.
So meet in public place and make sure you have lift out of there if things are not good.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I always want to meet in a public place in the first instance, but even that I'm wary of. I didn't fancy the last guy I met and he got really abusive and insisted that because I'm a swinger I should fuck everyone I meet I'm thinking of giving up. "
That's just dreadful, it seems to be the mistaken view of some guys though, that just because you are a single woman and on a site like this you will fuck anyone.
Think they assume that we are just unpaid prostitues, they are also the ones that moan constantly about how they have to work hard to get a single woman to meet them and that the single women have it so easy on here.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always insist on meeting somewhere public of my choosing. I like to speak on the phone first as well. Like most people I dont fancy everyone and if I dont fancy someone I will not play full stop.
At the end of the day it is still about choice. You are right to choose to be careful, there are some nutters, difficult people and some right trolls!
STICK TO YOUR GUNS HUN - I DO! |
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By *ickedWWoman
over a year ago
Chester |
I always meet in a public place, I always tell a friend where I'm goin and I always get somebody to ring me, I've mentioned this b4, if the meet is goin well great if not you can use the call as an excuse to leave...
Play by your rules and if the guy in queston dont like it TOUGH 
You cant be too safe, and any genuine guy on the site will understand that |
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