FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Whats the ratio of Mistresses to subs?
Whats the ratio of Mistresses to subs?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I have been getting a ton of messages from subs. Most without experience but are looking.
Just wondered how many of you subs have found one? How long were you looking? Have you resorted to going to a pro?
Is it just luck in finding one? Really interested to know.
Im not looking for a sub before you ask. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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one who knows how to serve. you have to just look at them , and they go into a zone , I have seen this with only two people , lol
but it can depend on the person , but it works both ways. they are neither a doormat , but respectful either way |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it "
It's a harsh lesson for those that have the misconception.... Mainly because of 50 shades of shit and overrated porn. |
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"I have been getting a ton of messages from subs. Most without experience but are looking.
Just wondered how many of you subs have found one? How long were you looking? Have you resorted to going to a pro?
Is it just luck in finding one? Really interested to know.
Im not looking for a sub before you ask. "
I guess it's had for new subs to find femdoms to take them on because most femdoms can't be arsed to train subs they want them already broke in and then try and change them to suit their needs..shame really |
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By *adybee77Woman
over a year ago
MAMOBA, miles and miles of bugger all (Aberdeenshire) |
My experience of being a sub, and this will vary person to person...
Away from fab, I am submissive to someone, but its too much about trust and respect for it to be part of my play on here.
I am submissive to him but not obviously - but not only just sexually. I would not be collared publicly as that is not our way. I do submit to him, but quietly and without fuss, sexually and for other decisions together. I dress in a certain way to please him, but it is a style I already like, so I think that was part of what appealed to him in me.
We don't live together, but if we did, it would not be fully submissive. I have a son, and would rather not confuse the issue for him at home, and at work, I am in job where I need to be assertive and confident.
My submission does not make me a doormat, nor does it leave me bruised and battered. Its not about pain, although I do accept punishment. It is about boundaries, respect and mutual acceptance and pleasure. |
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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago
upton wirral |
Doms are hard to find,but I have had a few relationships been owned and lived as a slave.
In all cases bar one I have visited a pro dom and formed a relationship so not paid more than twice.
You have to be a true sub to get this to happen,99% of subs could not achieve this.
This is fact,not bragging and I NEVER set out for this to happen it just did.
So guys if you want this you either have the right attitude or you don't,a true dom can spot this,real submission is no game. |
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"not all , you lumping us into one group. I love newbies , and rather have them , than sometimes the experienced ones "
 i didn't say all I said most and I agree newbies are more fun because they haven't a clue what is coming their way  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it "
Speak for yourself - my BDSM is almost all based around sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"not all , you lumping us into one group. I love newbies , and rather have them , than sometimes the experienced ones i didn't say all I said most and I agree newbies are more fun because they haven't a clue what is coming their way "
lol indeed |
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By *mmabluTV/TS
over a year ago
upton wirral |
"Just to get this clear what is a true sub
You only get to be a true sub when you have a true dom."
It is funny how we all see this differently,to me a true sub is not allowed sex or rarely with his Mistress |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I find it really hard to find submissive men. I think most of the problem is that I don't like concepts like female supremacy and slavery, which many of the guys are superficially into.
I want bright, intelligent people who genuinely want to connect mentally and explore control and sensation with each other.
What I mostly get "applying" is guys who want "training" and then to "serve" me. Grown adults don't need training, and I don't need someone to do things for me.
I enjoy a bit of servitude play, but I'd find it a bit dull if all a guy ever wanted to do was lick my high heels (which I don't wear) and give me oral sex (which I don't like).
And then you suggest activities and basically they only want to do that *they* want to do.
So frankly it doesn't matter how many 'subs' there are looking for 'mistresses', because you're not going to click with them all anyway. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Just to get this clear what is a true sub
You only get to be a true sub when you have a true dom.It is funny how we all see this differently,to me a true sub is not allowed sex or rarely with his Mistress"
You missed the sarcasm.
There is really no such thing as a 'true' sub. It's what many of us in the scene refer to 'one-twue-wayism'.
The only 'true' sub is the one that meshes with my personality and desire. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"a true sub / Domme relationship is usually non sexual , unless there is a discussion about it . "
There is no such thing as a 'true' way to do kink. There's no manual or set of rules.
There is *your* way and there are *other* ways. Please do not get those things confused with a *true* way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In answer to the OP. I'm not looking, I have no need or want to.
If I was, it wouldn't be here. I think there are far more suitable sites.
The problem is, if the ones that are looking on here actually looked elsewhere (I think you get the drift of the site I have in mind) they would probably poo their pants because of the reality. (generalising a lot here so forgive that) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"one who knows how to serve. you have to just look at them , and they go into a zone , I have seen this with only two people , lol
but it can depend on the person , but it works both ways. they are neither a doormat , but respectful either way "
It was luck to find my mistress. I met her at a party. She was just demonstrating roping. I asked her to tie me and she saw the effect described above.
I know I'm rare. I drop into sub space as soon as I'm tied up. When my mistress looks at me I can't take my eyes from hers. If she ties me in a difficult position I'll stay there until I'm shaking. I suspect if she didn't release me I'd pass out. I've come close already. I can't ask her to stop. I can't beg. I know she wants to see me suffer so I do. Described as a sadist she is what I need and I know she needs me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I like to sexually dominate a man but not make him suffer. I like post orgasm torture and forced orgasm,bondage etc and like the control I have |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I like to sexually dominate a man but not make him suffer. I like post orgasm torture and forced orgasm,bondage etc and like the control I have "
Not in my experience. It's about fulfilling a need. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I like to sexually dominate a man but not make him suffer. I like post orgasm torture and forced orgasm,bondage etc and like the control I have
Not in my experience. It's about fulfilling a need. "
but what is the need? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I like to sexually dominate a man but not make him suffer. I like post orgasm torture and forced orgasm,bondage etc and like the control I have
Not in my experience. It's about fulfilling a need.
but what is the need? "
Tbh I can't explain it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I "
1. Not everyone is into torture.
2. Pushing someone past their limits is *very bad*.
3. Many of us aren't into humiliation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I
1. Not everyone is into torture.
2. Pushing someone past their limits is *very bad*.
3. Many of us aren't into humiliation."
I'm sure there are various levels of submissive, the chancers who aren't really into this type of thing through to those who end up getting aroused from being ashamed of what they are subjected too. And further on, subs who exist to make someone else happy.
Im submissive (probably between category 2 and 3 above) and it isn't easy to find a domme, you have to let them into your world and open up in the hope something resonates and they decide to take a chance to get to know you.
The strange thing is despite being sub I can switch and find that my experiences as a Dom increase my understanding as a sub. Though it is hard to pigeon hole people as we are all wired differently.
It is very difficult to find a domme and when one comes along you risk being rejected as it is very humbling to ask for the chance to serve |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I
1. Not everyone is into torture.
2. Pushing someone past their limits is *very bad*.
3. Many of us aren't into humiliation.
I'm sure there are various levels of submissive, the chancers who aren't really into this type of thing through to those who end up getting aroused from being ashamed of what they are subjected too. And further on, subs who exist to make someone else happy.
Im submissive (probably between category 2 and 3 above) and it isn't easy to find a domme, you have to let them into your world and open up in the hope something resonates and they decide to take a chance to get to know you.
The strange thing is despite being sub I can switch and find that my experiences as a Dom increase my understanding as a sub. Though it is hard to pigeon hole people as we are all wired differently.
It is very difficult to find a domme and when one comes along you risk being rejected as it is very humbling to ask for the chance to serve"
The submissive partners I've had have never asked for the chance to 'serve'. We've just got to know each other as people and then worked out together if that's what we want.
I think all this 'please mistress can I serve you' within the first few messages bullcrap is what really puts me off. I always say 'I don't know, I don't know you' and they seem really unhappy that they might actually have to get to know me before I make that decision. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I
1. Not everyone is into torture.
2. Pushing someone past their limits is *very bad*.
3. Many of us aren't into humiliation."
 |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? Pushing people past their limits and humiliation? I
1. Not everyone is into torture.
2. Pushing someone past their limits is *very bad*.
3. Many of us aren't into humiliation.
"
|
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"From what I'm reading am I right in thinking being a Domme/Dom is about torture? "
For some it will be (the sm part of BDSM) but it's a broad church. For others it's about control, either taking control or giving it up (the ds part). For yet others it can be about creating a living art installation using a model and a length of rope. But then the bondage part can also be part of the ds and sm part and every part of the acronym can interact with every other part but the important thing is that it doesn't have to, you can love bondage and hate pain, you can love being tied up but hate being told what to do.
Each to their own  |
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"I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it
Speak for yourself - my BDSM is almost all based around sex."
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it
Speak for yourself - my BDSM is almost all based around sex.
"
Mines not  |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
"I have found that most think bdsm on the whole is about sex, until I set them straight, and yes there is a cross over into swinging , but I like all aspects of domination . it is about the giving up of control and the respect that comes with it
Speak for yourself - my BDSM is almost all based around sex.
Mines not "
Mines not either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is funny when these subjects come up, as it usually results in condescending cliches from 'proper' masters, doms, subs and the like. You'd think by now that ordinary, everyday wannabes would understand that they're not worthy to even utter the words associated with this most exclusive of clubs. Only the chosen few are ever invited to a secret temple in the Himalayas, where new members are painfully indoctrinated by monks from the neo-nazi wing of the Buddhists in Orange Leather sect
On the other hand, if you fancy a dabble at being sub/dom, you could just give it a go. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is funny when these subjects come up, as it usually results in condescending cliches from 'proper' masters, doms, subs and the like. You'd think by now that ordinary, everyday wannabes would understand that they're not worthy to even utter the words associated with this most exclusive of clubs. Only the chosen few are ever invited to a secret temple in the Himalayas, where new members are painfully indoctrinated by monks from the neo-nazi wing of the Buddhists in Orange Leather sect
On the other hand, if you fancy a dabble at being sub/dom, you could just give it a go. "
This kind of thing does make me laugh - because you *only* see it on the internet.
When you actually go to clubs you find that generally people are fun and personable and have absolutely none of the air's, grace and protocol that is suggested online by the vocal majority.
It's just a shame that the vocal majority don't get out and see the kink scene where we're all having great fun without them...
And yes, I've been to high protocol events. They're something entirely different and they're where much of this idea of BDSM comes from (along with leather families and Gorean fiction) but even those that do high protocol in their every day lives generally don't expect that from people you've never even met before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is funny when these subjects come up, as it usually results in condescending cliches from 'proper' masters, doms, subs and the like. You'd think by now that ordinary, everyday wannabes would understand that they're not worthy to even utter the words associated with this most exclusive of clubs. Only the chosen few are ever invited to a secret temple in the Himalayas, where new members are painfully indoctrinated by monks from the neo-nazi wing of the Buddhists in Orange Leather sect
On the other hand, if you fancy a dabble at being sub/dom, you could just give it a go. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This kind of thing does make me laugh - because you *only* see it on the internet.
When you actually go to clubs you find that generally people are fun and personable and have absolutely none of the air's, grace and protocol that is suggested online by the vocal majority.
It's just a shame that the vocal majority don't get out and see the kink scene where we're all having great fun without them...
And yes, I've been to high protocol events. They're something entirely different and they're where much of this idea of BDSM comes from (along with leather families and Gorean fiction) but even those that do high protocol in their every day lives generally don't expect that from people you've never even met before."
Our (limited) experience of BDSM play in clubs has always been what you might describe as 'low protocol', in the sense that we pretty much made it up as we went along. It always seemed to us that everyone else was doing exactly the same, and we fitted in immediately, without any specialist knowledge whatsoever.
Too often dom/sub play is portrayed as exclusive and serious rather than inclusive and fun. |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"This kind of thing does make me laugh - because you *only* see it on the internet.
When you actually go to clubs you find that generally people are fun and personable and have absolutely none of the air's, grace and protocol that is suggested online by the vocal majority.
It's just a shame that the vocal majority don't get out and see the kink scene where we're all having great fun without them...
And yes, I've been to high protocol events. They're something entirely different and they're where much of this idea of BDSM comes from (along with leather families and Gorean fiction) but even those that do high protocol in their every day lives generally don't expect that from people you've never even met before.
Our (limited) experience of BDSM play in clubs has always been what you might describe as 'low protocol', in the sense that we pretty much made it up as we went along. It always seemed to us that everyone else was doing exactly the same, and we fitted in immediately, without any specialist knowledge whatsoever.
Too often dom/sub play is portrayed as exclusive and serious rather than inclusive and fun."
|
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By *itzWoman
over a year ago
south wales |
"This kind of thing does make me laugh - because you *only* see it on the internet.
When you actually go to clubs you find that generally people are fun and personable and have absolutely none of the air's, grace and protocol that is suggested online by the vocal majority.
It's just a shame that the vocal majority don't get out and see the kink scene where we're all having great fun without them...
And yes, I've been to high protocol events. They're something entirely different and they're where much of this idea of BDSM comes from (along with leather families and Gorean fiction) but even those that do high protocol in their every day lives generally don't expect that from people you've never even met before.
Our (limited) experience of BDSM play in clubs has always been what you might describe as 'low protocol', in the sense that we pretty much made it up as we went along. It always seemed to us that everyone else was doing exactly the same, and we fitted in immediately, without any specialist knowledge whatsoever.
Too often dom/sub play is portrayed as exclusive and serious rather than inclusive and fun."
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'..."
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
What kind of clubs do you go to? |
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'...
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
Not a club, met her on a website...
What kind of clubs do you go to?"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand why someone who wants to be dominated by a fem has to make it a lifestyle choice
I like it & find it kinky now & then but most of the time am dom
Doesn't it get boring choosing to be one or the other ? (Genuine question)
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'...
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
Not a club, met her on a website...
What kind of clubs do you go to?"
Fetish clubs.
You should try getting out to them instead of saying that there are a shortage of mistresses... or that they just want a 'paypal bunny'. |
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'...
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
Not a club, met her on a website...
What kind of clubs do you go to?
Fetish clubs.
You should try getting out to them instead of saying that there are a shortage of mistresses... or that they just want a 'paypal bunny'."
Where do i reach out for a mistress?? Any suggestions... |
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'...
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
Not a club, met her on a website...
What kind of clubs do you go to?
Fetish clubs.
You should try getting out to them instead of saying that there are a shortage of mistresses... or that they just want a 'paypal bunny'.
Where do i reach out for a mistress?? Any suggestions..."
Depends what you want from a mistess |
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"There is really shortage of real mistress in the fetish world...so called mistresses are not even aware what they are doing, what they want is a 'paypal bunny'...
I've never met a top who wants a 'paypal bunny' when I've been out clubbing.
Not a club, met her on a website...
What kind of clubs do you go to?
Fetish clubs.
You should try getting out to them instead of saying that there are a shortage of mistresses... or that they just want a 'paypal bunny'.
Where do i reach out for a mistress?? Any suggestions...
Depends what you want from a mistess "
I am very much an inexperienced guy when it comes to being or 'serving' a mistress....dont mind surrendering to a charming mistress and see what she can make me do... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I am very much an inexperienced guy when it comes to being or 'serving' a mistress....dont mind surrendering to a charming mistress and see what she can make me do..."
You see... that's not really good enough. It's just wank fantasy talk. It's fine being new, but you're not likely just to meet someone, surrender everything and have some latex clad mistress all fall into place.
Better to get out to some fetish clubs, get friendly with people on the scene and start by watching what goes on and talking to people about their relationships. That way you'll have more of an idea of what you want and what you might enjoy.
You can start to approach people to play if you want too, once you've got to know someone. And perhaps try the Femdom nights - there's a good one in Birmingham (Devotion?) and if you can make it to Pedestal in London I'd seriously recommend that. Signing up as a house slave might give you an opportunity to see what you like too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why someone who wants to be dominated by a fem has to make it a lifestyle choice
I like it & find it kinky now & then but most of the time am dom
Doesn't it get boring choosing to be one or the other ? (Genuine question)
"
I agree with the first 2 paragraphs. Why can't people just be allowed to play and have fun with it? Pisses me off when people infer it's unacceptable to just have fun, and that people have to go to fetish clubs to do it properly. I understand the need for safety, and the intent to educate newbies though too.
Does it get boring? Not for some people. It is their lifestyle. For others it's just fun now and then. Both should be respectful of each other.
Although some people are switch, many are sub or dom (deliberate lower case) and it's just how they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I agree with the first 2 paragraphs. Why can't people just be allowed to play and have fun with it? Pisses me off when people infer it's unacceptable to just have fun, and that people have to go to fetish clubs to do it properly. "
In case that was aimed at me - that wasn't what I was suggesting at all.
But rather countering the chap who said that real mistresses didn't really exist, they just wanted 'paypal bunnies' to give them money. I was merely suggesting that if he went out and met people in person then his opinion might be different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I agree with the first 2 paragraphs. Why can't people just be allowed to play and have fun with it? Pisses me off when people infer it's unacceptable to just have fun, and that people have to go to fetish clubs to do it properly.
In case that was aimed at me - that wasn't what I was suggesting at all.
But rather countering the chap who said that real mistresses didn't really exist, they just wanted 'paypal bunnies' to give them money. I was merely suggesting that if he went out and met people in person then his opinion might be different."
No it wasn't aimed at you, or this thread. Just a general comment.
Some good advice on here.
Some BDSM people look down on newbies, my comment was about them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find it really hard to find submissive men. I think most of the problem is that I don't like concepts like female supremacy and slavery, which many of the guys are superficially into.
I want bright, intelligent people who genuinely want to connect mentally and explore control and sensation with each other.
What I mostly get "applying" is guys who want "training" and then to "serve" me. Grown adults don't need training, and I don't need someone to do things for me.
I enjoy a bit of servitude play, but I'd find it a bit dull if all a guy ever wanted to do was lick my high heels (which I don't wear) and give me oral sex (which I don't like).
And then you suggest activities and basically they only want to do that *they* want to do.
So frankly it doesn't matter how many 'subs' there are looking for 'mistresses', because you're not going to click with them all anyway."
Very refreshing attitude, thanks for contributing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The submissive partners I've had have never asked for the chance to 'serve'. We've just got to know each other as people and then worked out together if that's what we want.
I think all this 'please mistress can I serve you' within the first few messages bullcrap is what really puts me off. I always say 'I don't know, I don't know you' and they seem really unhappy that they might actually have to get to know me before I make that decision."
Was great to read your viewpoints on this. As a complete non-entity in the dom/sub field I've always struggled to really make sense of it. As most people have said the whole thing has taken on a facade of Fifty shades "hollywood" tarnish. I'd love to be in a dom/sub relationship (I think I'm sub more often than not) but never feel like i could trust anyone off the cuff to just do that kind of thing. |
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Even better him and my Mr!
i want a mistess lol
