FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Etiquette!
Etiquette!
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"It dies my head in..I get recognised every day because of my red hair and tattoos.. but it's rude for people to pint it out I think..I've been with family..friends and colleagues and ppl still insist on letting you know they recognise you. . Guts. ..I've you do..and you insist on letting me know..message me here..and notttt out in public.. I personally. ..wouldn't ...x" Yeah I'd say I'm pretty non descript compared to you!. No one will forget a face like that!  | |||
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"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?. Devils advocate x" It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess.  | |||
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"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?. Devils advocate x It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess. "Not neseceraily! I've been out and quite happily stood talking to a couple who have approached me, that's as far as it went but not uncommon. If I approached a lass in a bar and she was pleasant enough and her fella came back from the loo/bar I'd strike up a convo with him rather than scuttle away like I'd done something wrong  | |||
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"But what if you fancied them and they were alone!, would you attempt to chat them up without mentioning fab?. Devils advocate x It would be pretty weird for a couple to start chatting someone up and I think they'd guess.
Not neseceraily! I've been out and quite happily stood talking to a couple who have approached me, that's as far as it went but not uncommon. If I approached a lass in a bar and she was pleasant enough and her fella came back from the loo/bar I'd strike up a convo with him rather than scuttle away like I'd done something wrong "We'll happily chat to people as opposed to chat up | |||
 but im sick of changing supermarkets | |||
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"If we met at an expo like Olympia, then yes I would introduce myself, trade id's & numbers. If randomly on the street then no. It's about the context of situation. " You going to the expo in Birmingham in the next few month? Think it's body power or something??, my mate is competing. If you do see me deffo say hi if your with a trade counter, loads of free stuff wouldn't go amiss either lol   | |||
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"I think it would be rude to approach someone and mention FAB in the outside world...." That seems to be the general census, so why is it folk are shy about face pics when the majority wouldn't take advantage of the recognition?. Oh and it's a shame I'm out of your age range lol | |||
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"I think it would be rude to approach someone and mention FAB in the outside world.... That seems to be the general census, so why is it folk are shy about face pics when the majority wouldn't take advantage of the recognition?. Oh and it's a shame I'm out of your age range lol "Although it is the general consensus there will still be some fools..... | |||
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" If someone recognised me though I wouldn't much care if they shouted it across the street at me...they'd still get a cheery wave back " | |||
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 . I've received messages here about it, but I don't mind that at all. | |||
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Discretion always.... | |||
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"Why would anyone think that it is ok to approach a stranger who's pictures and profile they've seen on here? Seriously how stupid are some people? " That's the problem, some people DON'T think. | |||
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"Why would anyone think that it is ok to approach a stranger who's pictures and profile they've seen on here? Seriously how stupid are some people? That's the problem, some people DON'T think." | |||
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"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^ One more person come up to me im gonna scream" Hide your face pics?  | |||
"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^ One more person come up to me im gonna scream" I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private. | |||
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"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^ One more person come up to me im gonna scream I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private." Good advice and so many people keep these pictures purely for this reason. | |||
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"Wales guys! Can you please read the above ^^^ One more person come up to me im gonna scream I sense you will not like my advice but it seems rather obvious if people at not taking heed ~ keep your face pics private." Good advice. | |||
"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even. I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either. If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not." No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons. You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take. | |||
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"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even. I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either. If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not. No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons. You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take." I'm gonna dig my heels in and insist they change, not me. I can accept what you're saying in that people don't have boundaries, and i guess the fact that different people have different boundaries will be confusing for some, but they'll learn and figure something out by themselves with enough experience. I will give them the experience that it's not ok to approach me and have done. | |||
"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even. I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either. If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not. No, you shouldn't have to change, but you are expecting complete strangers to have a standard of respect and understanding of boundaries when the sad fact is that the World is full of morons. You're never going to be able to change or teach certain people that certain behaviours are unacceptable, so so long as people choose to have public face pictures, being recognised and approached by people following their genitals is a risk they're going to have to take. I'm gonna dig my heels in and insist they change, not me. I can accept what you're saying in that people don't have boundaries, and i guess the fact that different people have different boundaries will be confusing for some, but they'll learn and figure something out by themselves with enough experience. I will give them the experience that it's not ok to approach me and have done." That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it. | |||
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"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it. "I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour. As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.
You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school. | |||
"I mean, I would like people to stop abusing animals and children. I can scream my demands and stamp my feet as much as I like but unfortunately everyone in the World has free will and I cannot control every other human being. Until we can figure out mind-control and inject a chip into every living person that gives them a shock everytime they do/think of doing something wrong, we're never going to live in an ideal World." | |||
"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.
I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.
As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.
You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school."I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway. | |||
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"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.
I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.
As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.
You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school.
I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway."Do they know why they shouldn't do it? They've justified their behaviour in some way and maybe even had it enforced, all you have to do is find out why and then prove their way of thinking is wrong and prove it to them without confusing them. Like i said that needs time though. The guy texting me has already learned that when some people say something they stick to it so i don't need to teach him anything more and only enforce what i said by my behaviour. Nice debate btw, like how it's not gotten ranty and that. | |||
"That's fair enough, but I can see it being a life-long battle so if you've got the patience, go for it.
I am patient yeah so it is fine. I enjoy educating people too, so i'd get something more out of explaining things to people than changing my behaviour.
As for your animal abuse thing, too right i have seen kids throwing stones at birds in the park and didn't shout at them, i explained why those small stones would hurt a bird. I told them all about size comparison of stones to the birds, and some other stuff about birds because i know a lot about them. And when the kids stopped throwing stones i told them that was better behaviour and smiled at them. I did this all in front of my own kids so they learned stuff too. I'm telling you coz i'm patient and explaining me to you and how i work and think.
You don't need a chip, you just need time and to actually care enough to explain things to people and let them decide what's best. Most people aren't morons they just haven't had enough experience of life or been given any info or education on things considered not important enough to teach at school.
I understand what you're getting at and I have done the same with kids pulling wings off of bees and kicking an injured hedgehog. But I'm talking about those who know it's wrong and still do it anyway.
Do they know why they shouldn't do it?
They've justified their behaviour in some way and maybe even had it enforced, all you have to do is find out why and then prove their way of thinking is wrong and prove it to them without confusing them. Like i said that needs time though.
The guy texting me has already learned that when some people say something they stick to it so i don't need to teach him anything more and only enforce what i said by my behaviour.
Nice debate btw, like how it's not gotten ranty and that. "You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.
But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons? | |||
"If we met at an expo like Olympia, then yes I would introduce myself, trade id's & numbers. If randomly on the street then no. It's about the context of situation. You going to the expo in Birmingham in the next few month? Think it's body power or something??, my mate is competing. If you do see me deffo say hi if your with a trade counter, loads of free stuff wouldn't go amiss either lol "I'm not but my trainer is. Nice to meet you. | |||
"You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.
But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons?"Firstly i think about whether it's ethical to teach someone or not, because what i think is appropriate isn't for everyone, so some things you only need to teach that it's appropriate to you. Based on this it's also why we so many people struggling on here to interact with complete strangers, they don't know what works when approaching others because they haven't had enough experience and being ignored will frustrate the ones who aren't well socialised because all they are learning is nothing except their approach doesn't work and they don't know why it doesn't. Secondly, is it even up to me to teach someone their behaviour is wrong or not? Is there someone more appropriate about that could teach them, someone with more experience and knowledge then me or am i the only one who has to teach them? For my own personal interactions i will have to teach others, some other things i can choose to educate others about or leave it to someone more knowledgeable. Most people will have been trained already, they won't take much prompting to curb back on their behaviour and most people are willing to listen. Not sure how or when society got so scary that everyone was afraid of others, but although their are people out there who it would be dangerous to try and reason with, most people would handle it well. Anyway most of that way off track but relevant i think. Even if text guy had got asked to stop texting he would have still got a response and attention, i always think contradicting yourself is bad and teaches people nothing and is confusing so i stick to what i say (mostly, people who know me will find out i can will rarely be flexible if it suits me). For people who don't know me they will learn eventually, if they think it's worth their while investing time on me to find out. If someone heckles me publicly, rare but has happened, i just make it clear i don't want to hear it, mostly by ignoring or pretending they don't exist. That way it's obvious to others around me that i don't know the guy and don't want his attention. Most people probably think they're idiots as well, am sure some sympathise, some probably think ooh she was asking for it looking like that, they don't matter either, it's what's going on in my head that counts and nobody elses and i handled it, dealt with it how i wanted to and don't care what anyone else thinks. When i was with my kids i did tell the guy to shut up, mainly so that my kids knew his behaviour wasn't alright, i have sons and would hate them to catcall women and copy such behaviour. When we got in a asked them if they're ok and we talk about stuff, they think i'm the most intelligent person on this planet btw, more so than their teachers at school even, and i give them a loving but firm authority so they'll always think this.
If someone called me a swinger* i'd ignore them too, nobody elses business what i get up to in private with other consenting adults, i'm not ashamed of being promiscuous, and that's the difference though. I AM NOT ashamed of myself, no-one can shame me or make me care that they don't approve of me. I'll be a bitch sometimes, when it's funny too be a bitch or the situation doesn't really matter, but mostly i will give priority to loving actions and caring actions that mean something and that i consider important. I think animals are important, i hold a lot of beliefs in that they are way more intelligent than people give them credit for and are conscious beings that deserve respect. I'm coming to the conclusion that plant life might also be conscious but have more research to do in this.
*I don't consider myself a swinger, but i'm guessing people could think i'm a swinger or slag or whatever.
Anyway idk, think i've explained a lot here. Probably nothing much to debate as it's mostly personal opinion that might help others or they agree with anyway. | |||
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"You have a point, and great work with the texting guy.
But there's thousands of people out there. You teach 100 of them that it's indiscreet and stupid to shout "oi swinger get yer tits out!" across the road..... what about all the other morons?
Firstly i think about whether it's ethical to teach someone or not, because what i think is appropriate isn't for everyone, so some things you only need to teach that it's appropriate to you. Based on this it's also why we so many people struggling on here to interact with complete strangers, they don't know what works when approaching others because they haven't had enough experience and being ignored will frustrate the ones who aren't well socialised because all they are learning is nothing except their approach doesn't work and they don't know why it doesn't.
Secondly, is it even up to me to teach someone their behaviour is wrong or not? Is there someone more appropriate about that could teach them, someone with more experience and knowledge then me or am i the only one who has to teach them? For my own personal interactions i will have to teach others, some other things i can choose to educate others about or leave it to someone more knowledgeable. Most people will have been trained already, they won't take much prompting to curb back on their behaviour and most people are willing to listen. Not sure how or when society got so scary that everyone was afraid of others, but although their are people out there who it would be dangerous to try and reason with, most people would handle it well. Anyway most of that way off track but relevant i think.
Even if text guy had got asked to stop texting he would have still got a response and attention, i always think contradicting yourself is bad and teaches people nothing and is confusing so i stick to what i say (mostly, people who know me will find out i can will rarely be flexible if it suits me). For people who don't know me they will learn eventually, if they think it's worth their while investing time on me to find out.
If someone heckles me publicly, rare but has happened, i just make it clear i don't want to hear it, mostly by ignoring or pretending they don't exist. That way it's obvious to others around me that i don't know the guy and don't want his attention. Most people probably think they're idiots as well, am sure some sympathise, some probably think ooh she was asking for it looking like that, they don't matter either, it's what's going on in my head that counts and nobody elses and i handled it, dealt with it how i wanted to and don't care what anyone else thinks.
When i was with my kids i did tell the guy to shut up, mainly so that my kids knew his behaviour wasn't alright, i have sons and would hate them to catcall women and copy such behaviour. When we got in a asked them if they're ok and we talk about stuff, they think i'm the most intelligent person on this planet btw, more so than their teachers at school even, and i give them a loving but firm authority so they'll always think this.
If someone called me a swinger* i'd ignore them too, nobody elses business what i get up to in private with other consenting adults, i'm not ashamed of being promiscuous, and that's the difference though. I AM NOT ashamed of myself, no-one can shame me or make me care that they don't approve of me. I'll be a bitch sometimes, when it's funny too be a bitch or the situation doesn't really matter, but mostly i will give priority to loving actions and caring actions that mean something and that i consider important. I think animals are important, i hold a lot of beliefs in that they are way more intelligent than people give them credit for and are conscious beings that deserve respect. I'm coming to the conclusion that plant life might also be conscious but have more research to do in this.
*I don't consider myself a swinger, but i'm guessing people could think i'm a swinger or slag or whatever.
Anyway idk, think i've explained a lot here. Probably nothing much to debate as it's mostly personal opinion that might help others or they agree with anyway."You've floored me. Brilliant post. | |||
"You've floored me. Brilliant post. " Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol... Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat. People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality. | |||
"You've floored me. Brilliant post. Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol... Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat. People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality." No I meant it. I love reading your musings. I like the way you think, would so love to chat over a brew.
Totally agree about not caring what other people think. I prefer it if they don't understand. | |||
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"You've floored me. Brilliant post. Or it was so long that you fell into a sleepy trance half way through, lol... Just the way i am, always have been. I focus on things that are important to me, and my opinion about me is more important to me than people who aren't me. People i care about, their opinion matters somewhat. People who don't know me at all can't really have an opinion on me, and for this reason i've never understood why things like prejudice and gossip exists because these things aren't based on truth or reality. No I meant it. I love reading your musings. I like the way you think, would so love to chat over a brew.
Totally agree about not caring what other people think. I prefer it if they don't understand. "Haha, i make for interesting conversation if i click with people. I don't often get serious, but when i do yeah i know what i'm on about, nice to see someone else gets me too coz i don't think most people get me at all. Thanks. Empathy is quite hard really because we have to have gone through something to truly understand it ourselves, although we can sympathise with anyone because it's easy to understand feelings. For this reason i sort of get why people don't understand others but think they do. But yeah they don't matter, so long as you're making yourself happy and ok with who you are then everything's fine. | |||
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"I've once received a "I've seen you at the gym" message. it just comes across as unbearably creepy and made me uncomfortable. don't mention it nothing good can ever come of it. " Did I show you the message from the guy who said he was stood behind me at the co op? fucking creepy! What made it worse was that he said he wanted to touch my ass | |||
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"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even. I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either. If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not." This ^^^ Why should I have to? ? The fact I have face pics on here is not an invite to intrude into my personal life? | |||
"Well, at the risk of sounding controversial i am gonna say that showing my face, or any identifying body parts, online on a site where people can contact me here, does not mean i am up for being approached outside of this site. In fact most guys have acted exactly as if they feel it's ok to contact me on here rather than irl, so they probably agree. Anyone who messages me saying they think they saw me out and about and has nothing on their page then i don't confirm it was me even. I don't go out with a sign around my neck saying come over and ask me about my online stuff. Nowhere on my profile does it say it's ok to approach me if i'm out and about either. If people don't understand that others have boundaries then i'd be concerned about that alone, and no i don't have to hide, change my behaviour or pretend it's my fault they don't understand how other people work. They should get better social skills (which is why it's ok to ask these questions on here in the environment we do socialise in for sure) then to just go out and approach people to see if it's ok or not. This ^^^ Why should I have to? ? The fact I have face pics on here is not an invite to intrude into my personal life? " Exactly | |||
