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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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(not the E.T. kind!)
As I'm 'yet another single male', I need all the help I can get to maximise my chances! I'm new to the site and trying to get an idea of what people expect in the way of contacting on here - winks, messages friend requests?
Some people state in their profiles "no random friend requests/don't bother with winks", which helps, but what do people generally expect?
I don't see much point in winking, that shows no effort at all.
Is a friend request an acceptable way to initiating contact?
I'm sending messages, but keeping them short (couple of paragraphs) and personal, without being filthy. Is this the best way to provoke a positive response? Do people really expect a really long first message, as I don't want to waste their and my time, if they are straight away not interested.
Is it acceptable to send a friend invite before receiving a reply to my message?
Is there anything else I should be doing (not brave enough for the chat rooms yet - I find it easier to chat in person than online  )? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally I hate friend requests without a few messages. It smacks of pic collector
Read a profile - and I mean really read it, don't scan it on the way to the pics! Then write a message that shows you understand what they're after and can offer that. You'll be able to tell from the profile what they're after - if they're the wham, bam thank you ma'am types or the social, get to know you first etc - tailor your message accordingly.
I've not looked at yours, but incidentally make sure you have a profile that does the above - if I get a message I'll go to look at what they have to say about themselves. If that's not much, I'll usally delete, unless the message is really wow. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hiya fella....
Good fer you thinking bout it !!
I`d say as above ..read the damn profile...that`ll be yer guide to some extent..
I approach swinging as I do in an ordinary social situation .....friendly chat first( fancy a fuck..isn`t going to get you very far....A nice message introducing yerself and able to chat about their profile will) ...positive..respectful..humorous..possibly patient lol...
Its not really much different here than trying to pull anywhere ...people here I`ve spoken to seem to agree ...respect is tops...
Be yourself ...attract folks to yer personality ...genuine..honest..realistic..trustworthy..fun..its goes on ...you get my drift ..
I think a friends invite ..is what it says on the tin ....an invite for people who you`ve built a relationship ..to take things a tad further ( I like this to happen fairly quickly ...as we eat with our eyes as well...and can save alot of unnecessary chatting) ....just getting an invite without chatting ..smacks of someone who just wants to ogle yer....our pics are of a private nature and only fer those peeps ..who we feel horny with ...not an anonymous name...
Best of luck and keep smiling whilst being patient.. |
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By *ruitWoman
over a year ago
near kings lynn |
I delete all friend requests as it is easy enough to attach a picture to a message. So no friends invite for me.
Read all of the profile as i can always tell if you dont.
Comment on something the profile and maybe not about the pics as it.shows you paid more attention to the pictures.
Be polite but confident and cheeky along with it.
Respectful at all times.
Basically make the effort. Dont copy and paste messages.
But mainly get yourself to some socials and chat with people.
Good luck honey x |
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By *hocotreacleWoman
over a year ago
lost in the city of Atlantis |
I don't mind long messages as long as they are interesting and can keep my attention. One liners wind me up so I usually delete those.
I delete winks and invites if I don't know the person and haven't spoken to them.
Asking if you can add them once you've chatted is always nice
And of course what the others said...
x
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probably the best advice is to READ their profile....then READ their profile and just to be on the safe side READ their profile..dont think with your DICK to much when READING their profile...
Also your prof is a little ambiguous re your sexuality, you will find here that a lot of people take um-bridge when you state possibly a 'little curious' with a straight prof..really winds a lot up!
As does asking to find a fuck buddy as a lot of couples will only meet committed couples even though you're only trying to be honest and as far as showing your bum as your main pic consider a face shot...strangely ladies like to see a nice smile probably more than your bum!
FRIENDS INVITES...well once you've struck up conversation then think about those...to many use to collect pics!
I don't show my friends list as I feel it's immaterial and I wont verify people I've not had a physical contact with but that's my choice, not saying right or wrong just the way I choose to run my profile..
WINKS..again jury is out on these as the site thinks they are useful way of showing interest but some feel show lack of care and finesse..you could mention in your profile that if you send one it is just to show an initial interest and you don't necessarily expect one back..just a suggestion..some couples/ladies do actually use them..
after all this if you don't get meets straight away don't worry it will happen there is someone for everyone...
maybe join a club if that's an option..
this site isn't the only fish in the sea..
good luck and have fun |
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I'm not a fan of friend requests before I've ever spoken to anyone. I generally do the friends thing when I've met someone or if I have a bit of banter on the forums and think they are likely to be my friend. 
Winks are lame but some people like them. I'm like you and think there's no effort gone into it and generally all the winks I get are from people who are outwith my profile preferences.
I delete all winks and friends requests without looking at the people who sent them. I like a decent PM from someone who's bothered to read my profile and who actually fits into what I'm looking for.
Reading profiles is a really good start. Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Send a decent email, that a) shows you read the WHOLE of their profile (inc the reqs under the words) ans b) shows you are someone interesting - remember you are competiting with a LOT of other single guys.
Most of all, be yourself and don't be tacky / cliched (thinking of an email I got today that read along the lines of "ooo u so sexy in the black, babe" - to which I took great pleasure in pointing out, I'm male, and thanks but no thanks). |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh and one thing we just got, that REALLY fucks me off - people that read our profile and know they don't fit our reqs but send "thought i'd try anyway, lol".
Pricks.
 |
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The ones who launch into a story without so much of an introduction really make me cringe.
I don't want to read that. I don't need to read that you can breathe through your ears or that you only bite when asked etc.
An honest, open introduction shows a little bit about yourself and that you're interested in me. Dont' be sending out porn and if you're cutting and pasting, please make sure you tailor it accordingly. 
/Rant |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all your replies, it sounds like I'm pitching it about right then. And I do read the profiles thoroughly and only contact those whose criteria I meet.
Still had quite a few messages deleted without any reply. I know this is not unusual, but a quick "thanks, but no thanks" wouldn't hurt.
I'd rather not have a face pic as my avatar, but I will send one with messages. Also have face, frontal and 'equipment' photos in my private ones should others want to see more.
I've selected that I'm straight as I've never really had any desire for M-M activities, but I've never been in an intimate situation with another man in the room, so there just might be spark in the heat of the moment.
And yes, that really is my hair colour! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The best bit of advice I can give to any lone guy or lady who is new to the scene, is to get along to a social meet. Have a look at the Meets and Events section and make the effort to go along. You might have to travel, but you get out of it what you put in.
I really don't think anyones literatory abilities can be as good and going and doing it.
Look for the "national" get togethers, these are usually held at clubs such as Chameleons in the West Midlands, but they are held all over the country.
You will meet like minded people face to face including most of the people who participate in these forums.
Get yourself along to a local club or house party.
Look in the "Clubs" section.  |
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