FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > has our time come to an end?
has our time come to an end?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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only you can decide if it's for you or not.
I'd question whether or not you're mentally mature enough for this though, and I say that as a sincere comment.
It's not an easy thing to do for "old" folks like us, and I have to admit that we couldn't have done this at your age.
Best of luck.
xxxx |
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By *ambooCouple
over a year ago
kings lynn |
I think we all get frustrated at times when it seems we cannot find just what we are looking for. We have been accused of being too picky at times but we do know what we are seeking and have eventually met some super guys on here. If you enjoy what you are doing just be patient, quality beats quantity every time. |
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By *ex.IncCouple
over a year ago
Castleford |
Kaitlin, you have met a few of our friends and i can hear where you are coming from.
You both are around the same age as us and to be honest its difficult on the scene for being youngish alone.
There are couples who want to S/S but then there are some who are way beyond that stage and forget that they probably started soft at one point.
Dont give it all up, but just hang in there. Cant say it will do much good but sometimes you have to play the waiting game. (Can be a boring one i know) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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your profile and verifications seem to contradict what you are saying here.
The people on this site are (generally) here to have a fuck. Friends isn't something you can anticipate or plan so much.
I have made what I would say are two or three friends from swinging. And that is nothing compared to the number of people that I am 'friendly' with and there are even more people that I wouldn't care to meet/speak to/ know at all.
what I am trying to say is this site is as representative of the world out of your computer and you are as likely to have something in common worth building a friendship on here as you will in real life. |
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Sounds like it's not for you.
You may be trying to find another couple who are exactly like you.
You probably need to be able to compromise more if you want to stay in the lifestyle, as perfection doesn't exist.
We see some couples who are fantastic, and some who are ok, but we make sure we all have a fun time whatever we're like.
Also sounds like you're unlucky. We've never met a couple yet who didn't respect our boundaries. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You have some lovely feed-back from some you have meet ...... looks like you have been getting on well with some .... its Hit and miss swinging at times your dont feel you click with people for weeks and then its all go again . Just take your time and do what makes you happy after all its all about having fun , jo xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
"
Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor |
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We were in the same boat as you guys - soft only. Now it's even harder for us as Kitty only wants to play with the girl in the couple. Thing is, you never know, the next mail could be the right one. Maybe take a break? Check in now and then and see what's happeneing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If your soft swap, with limitations like us, you need to be completely sure about the type of partners/friends you are looking for.
This takes time to find.
Just have to be patient.
What you are looking for is right for you - you just need to find the right people to have fun with.
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By *LBishCouple
over a year ago
near bury st edmunds |
"Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor"
HARSH |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's all about expectations.
You join a site like this knowing the majority will be looking to full swap. Therefore if you're outside the "norm" you recognise your options are limited and be prepared for that.
If you can't, asking a group of strangers whether you should stay or go is pointless.
You're disheartened already, just out of your teens, prehaps give this a break?!! |
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"
Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor
HARSH
Harsh and uncalled for.  "
Was that meant as a joke? Hope so.
If not, then it's that kind of attitude that that's turned Kitty from soft-swap to girls only.
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"well said ppl just dont like the truth and it there are way to many pushy ppl on this site most of them are men posing as couples or single bi women !!!!! funny how many women are never there or just popped out and women have suddenly got a bf and hes on line using the profile lol we can see beyond the bull shit !!!!"
You forgot to add the 'female fuckbuddy' who mails to tell you how great her male fuckbuddy is. |
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"well said ppl just dont like the truth and it there are way to many pushy ppl on this site most of them are men posing as couples or single bi women !!!!! funny how many women are never there or just popped out and women have suddenly got a bf and hes on line using the profile lol we can see beyond the bull shit !!!!
You forgot to add the 'female fuckbuddy' who mails to tell you how great her male fuckbuddy is."
We've heard from them too  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor"
If you meant 'stop taking it so seriously' then we'd agree wholeheartedly. Jeez, it's only swinging! |
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Kaitlin
All I can offer you in advice is just take your time and maybe meet over couples a couple of times over drinks and maybe dinner! And talk to them about what you are and are not willing to do and vice versa.
Good luck |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Our first experience of swinging came out of the blue when we were involved in a mix up over a room booking many many years ago. We just shared with the other couple and in the middle of the night we werre having sex and it made the others horny and they started having sex. We didnt mention it but as the days went on we became less inhibited until it was obvious we were interacting. So our first experience was more voyeurism - have you thought that you might have friends who would be turned on by this already - try and discuss it with them you might end up as surprised as we were. |
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"Our first experience of swinging came out of the blue when we were involved in a mix up over a room booking many many years ago. We just shared with the other couple and in the middle of the night we werre having sex and it made the others horny and they started having sex. We didnt mention it but as the days went on we became less inhibited until it was obvious we were interacting. So our first experience was more voyeurism - have you thought that you might have friends who would be turned on by this already - try and discuss it with them you might end up as surprised as we were."
Nice point and what a grate way to get into swinging  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Yes this site is definitely full of bell ends but from what we've seen now some lovely people too. I think this thread just proves there is a completely different midset between soft swap swingers and full swap swingers. Think the best thing we have gained from this is to just look for soft swap couples because they seem to have the same issues/preferences as us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor"
And the reasoning behind that was?   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
"
I think some people assume that if you're on this site, that you're up for it and ready for anything. For some people, things take time and it sounds like people haven't granted you this time.
A previous comment made here shows this. It's a shame. We're here to enjoy ourselves after all. |
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I dont know if you have ever tried paid parties but for us they were a perfect way to dip our toe into the water. Can purely socialise, have a look around, participate, network... whatever you want. Lots of soft play goes on between couples, sometimes even without prior agreement but there is an etiquette to it and no thank you MEANS just that or they will be removed from the party. Have made some great friends this way and its so much easier than trawling the net.
Mistress x |
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By *reyyaMan
over a year ago
North Yorkshire |
Soft play... If this catches on in a big way it could mean the end of Homo Sapiens... Another point, join a sex site to make friends, indulge in 'soft play' and non-sexual behaviour.
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"Soft play... If this catches on in a big way it could mean the end of Homo Sapiens... Another point, join a sex site to make friends, indulge in 'soft play' and non-sexual behaviour.
"
Well hopefully nobody joins a swinging site to procreate..... and my understanding is that everyone is free to use the site however they like?
Mistress x |
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Well I did attempt to split your text and answer each question directly underneath for ease of reading but when I realised that my text would not appear in bold I thought it a little too confusing for other posters to read. Thank you for your worry over my time though. What a considerate man.
Mistress x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes this site is definitely full of bell ends but from what we've seen now some lovely people too. I think this thread just proves there is a completely different midset between soft swap swingers and full swap swingers. Think the best thing we have gained from this is to just look for soft swap couples because they seem to have the same issues/preferences as us."
It's your life so therefore it should only be your choices. I've already got the impression that you already know this is what you want with no compromise... fair play to you, don't change.
When you are ready you'll full swap.... If this never happens it's because you weren't meant to do anything other than be with each other x |
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"Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor"
I'm curious to know what you mean by this - are you implying that people who genuinely decide they want to leave the site just do so without making big announcements pleading for others to beg them to stay? Or am I barking up a dead tree? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"only you can decide if it's for you or not.
I'd question whether or not you're mentally mature enough for this though, and I say that as a sincere comment.
It's not an easy thing to do for "old" folks like us, and I have to admit that we couldn't have done this at your age.
Best of luck.
xxxx "
Completely agree!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes this site is definitely full of bell ends but from what we've seen now some lovely people too. I think this thread just proves there is a completely different midset between soft swap swingers and full swap swingers. Think the best thing we have gained from this is to just look for soft swap couples because they seem to have the same issues/preferences as us."
Thats great advice, see you are learning already. If you only want soft swop, only go with other soft swop couples....
We have learnt something too, we thought "Soft" swop was for couples who had erectile disfunction issues...  |
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"Find a bridge and jump off ,, failing that maybe slip out the backdoor
I'm curious to know what you mean by this - are you implying that people who genuinely decide they want to leave the site just do so without making big announcements pleading for others to beg them to stay? Or am I barking up a dead tree?"
shameless mixing of metaphors
Mistress x |
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Not sure if anyone has suggested this ... but...
Have you thought of trying out a swinging club (may be on a couples only night).
You don't have to play.
You could just socialise and get to know people you like the look of.
You could just play with eachother and enjoy the atmosphere of being around other couples doing the same thing.
Couples enjoying soft swap only isn't that unusual in the couples room at Chams.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sadly we've recently been thinking of giving up the swinging scene. I don't know if it's because we're too picky or because we're just in the wrong place. We're looking for non pushy couples that want to soft swap and also build a friendship. We're fairly inexperienced and dont want to move onto full swap just yet until we have build a trust with swinging and some couples that we meet. But all too often it seems we talk to couples that after a few messages appear to have no respect for our boundaries or respect for their partners for being too forward about what they'd like to do if they got one of us alone. I guess this is a last plee of some sort for opinions on what people think of our situation or a little advice on how to approach swinging now.
"
As a close, loving married couple, we too are extremely choosy about whom we admit into that most intimate area of our lives and as a result have swung with only a handful of people in two years despite getting messages fro hundreds of men and couples.
If you like swinging in your way, persevere. You'll have to sift through a great deal of chaff to find the wheat, but it does exist.
And take no notice of people who tell you you are not 'mentally mature' because of your age. To judge from some of the sour grapes replies we get to our polite rejections there are plenty of people on this site who are at least twice your age and yet seem to be far less 'mentally mature' than a lot of the people I know who are your age.
All the best to both of you.
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There are some very pushy and predatory people in the swinging scene, what we'd call 'hardened' swingers who seem more interested in notches on the bedpost rather than compatibility, friendship and, basically, respect for others.
Like you we're not in it to meet such people. We think you have to be very selective and patient, and learn to spot the signs so you can say 'no thanks' and block such folk. There are nice people out there, and when you meet them it all seems worthwhile. |
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By *scottMan
over a year ago
Uttoxeter |
There are many things coming out of this thread, good and bad. Soft swing is great, it gives the chance to play, to experiment to learn about the other peoples likes and dislikes. I have a couple I see we had about a dozen soft play meets, before moving on to ultimate. I challenge people to have a soft play meet, yes it can be frustraiting in one way ( esp if you are used to full swop) but it builds a fantastic anticipation level within you. Which can be utilised next time you play or with your own partner later in the session.
Also age has been brought up a few times. I do not see this relivent to the couple in question or anybody swinging. Age is not maturity, I know many older people without the maturity to deal with this lifestyle. I also know some young people who embrace the lifestyle and conduct themselves with the manners and control of verterians.
My own advice to the posters is if you want to walk away do so, maybe leave the door open to return if you wish and keep the account going. If you want to continue trying, then use chat rooms and socials to meet people where pressures are less. Meet peoe more than once before playing, most people who are pushy will not do more than 2 non play meets before buggering off for an easier lay. Use clubs, they are great for playing in the presence of people and lots of soft play happens in clubs. We use Chams and often have hours of soft play in the jaquzzi.
So to the posters whatever you do have fun, stay safe and go at your own speed.
Craig |
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"I think maybe you are too young for this site,sorry"
What’s age got to do with it? There are young couples who full swap, and there are older couples who only soft swap. It’s quite sad that age gets dragged into so many things.
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"I think maybe you are too young for this site,sorry
What’s age got to do with it? There are young couples who full swap, and there are older couples who only soft swap. It’s quite sad that age gets dragged into so many things.
"
thats my opinion,which im allowed to have on here ta |
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"I think maybe you are too young for this site,sorry
What’s age got to do with it? There are young couples who full swap, and there are older couples who only soft swap. It’s quite sad that age gets dragged into so many things.
thats my opinion,which im allowed to have on here ta"
No one said you didn’t… was just wondering why being young was relevant to a boundary respect post? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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am up for any hardcoresex with any softswappers...damn...knew it wasnt working!!!
the definitive suggestions, are going to clubs-pains me seeing couples who wont try a club in some kind of fear of what might happen lol...they are polite places to meet and the people(even most of the single men)will take a polite "no thanks"
Of course am not gonna assume anything about the Ops relationship,ages,looks(females HOT!),just hope they can find some fun, and keep talking to people...just keep ur chatroom cam fun going. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am inclined to think that if James was on here as a single guy he would not have any boundaries..."
Actually why dont you get your facts before you say things like that. I was on here before i met james and it was my idea to come back on. Luckily for me he wanted to as well. But it was james idea to soft swap. Hes a good boy. So slag off me all you want but do not make him out to be one of the obnoxious horny disrespectful men on here! |
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By *ex.IncCouple
over a year ago
Castleford |
"
Actually why dont you get your facts before you say things like that. I was on here before i met james and it was my idea to come back on. Luckily for me he wanted to as well. But it was james idea to soft swap. Hes a good boy. So slag off me all you want but do not make him out to be one of the obnoxious horny disrespectful men on here!"
+1 |
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By *ENDAROOSCouple
over a year ago
South West London / Surrey |
"I think maybe you are too young for this site,sorry
What’s age got to do with it? There are young couples who full swap, and there are older couples who only soft swap. It’s quite sad that age gets dragged into so many things.
"
agrees |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
what i will say is this....
I don't condone what tentwilly said at all... I think it was harsh, and uncalled for!
but there are cases sometimes just taking the moral high ground and not responding to those types of comments can be the most mature and adult response of all.........
there are people out there for everyone.... the end! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"what i will say is this....
I don't condone what tentwilly said at all... I think it was harsh, and uncalled for!
but there are cases sometimes just taking the moral high ground and not responding to those types of comments can be the most mature and adult response of all.........
there are people out there for everyone.... the end!"
Tbh you can't do right for doing wrong on these forums! |
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By *reyyaMan
over a year ago
North Yorkshire |
"what i will say is this....
I don't condone what tentwilly said at all... I think it was harsh, and uncalled for!
but there are cases sometimes just taking the moral high ground and not responding to those types of comments can be the most mature and adult response of all.........
there are people out there for everyone.... the end!
Tbh you can't do right for doing wrong on these forums!"
Well, it is an open forum, Kaitlin, and open to debate... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would add, some very harsh comments. We all started somewhere. we may be older, but when we started we were soft swing and it took a while to go any further and we always respect other peoples boundaries, after all they are there for a reason. if it's what you want stick with it, you will find the right couples, after you sort the wheat from the chaff. There really are some genuine people on here, we have had great fun and also made some life long friends who we have never played with.. Good luck xxx |
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By *scottMan
over a year ago
Uttoxeter |
"I am inclined to think that if James was on here as a single guy he would not have any boundaries...
Actually why dont you get your facts before you say things like that. I was on here before i met james and it was my idea to come back on. Luckily for me he wanted to as well. But it was james idea to soft swap. Hes a good boy. So slag off me all you want but do not make him out to be one of the obnoxious horny disrespectful men on here!"
Sadly facts are often a forgoten concept by many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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hi guys we only soft swop too and we totally thinks its about doing what you enjoy after all were all on here for the same thing so hope you decide to stay x p&m |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"what i will say is this....
I don't condone what tentwilly said at all... I think it was harsh, and uncalled for!
but there are cases sometimes just taking the moral high ground and not responding to those types of comments can be the most mature and adult response of all.........
there are people out there for everyone.... the end!
Tbh you can't do right for doing wrong on these forums!"
How about this for fair comment......
If you are going to go, for whatever reason, then go!
If you are not going to go because what you REALLY want is support/sympathy then ask for what you want instead of throwing your toys out of your pram!
At the end of the day, YOU have a mind, why not use it. None of us on here can make the decision for you. Although we susspect that you will continue to grace us with your thoughts! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Never let anyone try and encourage you to do something you are not happy with or feels too much for you.
When we first started going to clubs we used to just watch others and then play with each other only. We did that for a month or so and then we started just having a few fumbles in the jacuzzi, then over the months we upgraded to oral sex with people. We soft swung for ages and it was enough for us. I was very clear that I wasnt ready for full sex with others.
After a while we started to feel we needed an extra buzz and we felt we were ready and when we found a lovely couple and it happened, it was great, so obviously we had done the right thing in waiting.
I have developed a keen interest in the orgy room at Chams, and Ive been to parties when it was 2 girls and 6 men, but ive only soft swapped in those situations. But im feeling that Im ready to perhaps indulge a bit further with just a few of the guys. Im not ready to have a huge gangbang, but I am wishing to explore the orgy in a bit more details and perhaps have sex with two guys.
So we all creep along at our own pace.
There are couples that are pushy, I find it too.
Perhaps, as suggested, go to a club and just watch and perhaps play with each other, maybe in a public room so you feel your stretching boundaries a little but you are still experimenting solely with other. Stick with it, and feel free to message and chat with people you feel could be supported. Most of us oldies would be happy to offer a bit of support and advice to a young couple
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By *umourCouple
over a year ago
Northants |
Hey Kaitlin
All you have to worry about is what YOU want. Forget all those who would criticise what you have decided is for you and look for the right people. It may take a while if you are extra fussy, but don't compromise for anyone!
You are way to young for us and we are way to old for you, but we have a different outlook to quite a few about soft swap! For us it prolongs the playtime and is always very sensuous. Having said that, we love full swap too!! lol.
We have seen quite a few people around your age and looking for soft on various sites, so it may be worth looking around. BUT.. Look deeper in Fabs "personnel files" and we are sure you will find what you want.
Take care and happy swinging
xx |
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