FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > The Good Girl Vs Bad Girl Conundrum

The Good Girl Vs Bad Girl Conundrum

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Men are easy. Men know this and women know this; it’s safe to assume everyone knows this. Therefore, I can only imagine how frustrating it can be for a woman to encounter a man she may have a sexual interest in and he does not reciprocate. There may be a variety of reasons, the most obvious being that he does not find you attractive. However, for the sake of argument, lets say you’re not the ugliest thing walking. Furthermore, you know that this particular man has no problem “working it out” with certain women but when it comes to you? Not so much. He is a perfect gentlemen around you AND YOU HATE IT! You want him to grab you by the hair and throw you over the nearest piece of moderately stable furniture and have his way with you act towards you like he does all those other bitches that you know you totally look better than. So why wont he? Well…

Men Can’t F*ck Women They Like.

I’m going to contradict myself because that statement is misleading. Men can f*ck women they like but it’s easier to f*ck women they don’t like. I know that sounds weird but it’s true. It’s easier to F-the-ish out of a girl you don’t care about. I’ll try my best to explain.

(Most) Men are taught all our lives to respect women. This doesn’t mean they do or will but it’s hard to respect someone while simultaneously pulling their hair and F-ing-the-ish out of them over the nearest piece of moderately stable furniture. When you are taught from birth that women are nothing but sugar and spice, it can be complicated to make the mental switch between the gentlemen you were raised to be towards them and the fact that suddenly – with her consent of course – you are allowed to pull her hair, slap her ass and call her inappopriate names and here’s the kicker, SHE LIKES IT!

The male mind, comprehend does not.

As a man you have to somehow magically forget everything you have been told your entire life was “disrespectful” because now the woman you like wants you to do all that “disrespectful” stuff to her. Say what now?

For clarity, I’ll provide a real life example:

When I was younger, I had a girlfriend that wanted me to call her a few, lets say, “dirty names” whenever we had sex. I couldn’t bring myself to do it. It felt too weird. But I’ll be honest, if she wouldn’t have been my girlfriend and just some girl I was having sex with on the side it would have been easy. Truth be told, I had even done it before with women who weren’t my girlfriend. The difference was I loved this girl. It was too difficult for me to mentally separate the freak in the bedroom from the lady in the living room. I didn’t want to get the lines blurred and carry the previously approved bedroom vernacular into the living room on accident.

This is a personal theory but I believe this is why a lot of men cheat. Men, self included, like these types of women, “bad girls,” but it can be difficult to distinguish the two in our head. In our immaturity, rather than finding a way to overcome this difficulty, we simply have two women for each respective role. In other words, men marry the ‘good girl,’ become unsatistfied and then have the side-chick/bad girl to do all the things they’re uncomfortable doing with their wife.

For instance, the first time a girl swallows, she’s labeled a “freak.” It blows his mind. Nevertheless, she has set the bar. Every girl after her that refuses to swallow is suddenly a “prude” to him. Some men are never able to reconcile this new reality. In their minds, wife = good girl, side-chick = bad girl. They cannot be one in the same.

All men want freaks. They just don’t want them for a wife. – Spike Lee

As I’ve gotten older, I have gotten better at accepting reality but I’ll admit it is hard sometimes. It’s still easier for me to F-the-ish out of the woman I don’t have an emotional connection with. Whereas, if I love a woman it’s my natural inclination to “make love” to her not “beat it up.”

I like women; especially freaky women. I think most men do. However, I’ve had to grow and mature mentally in order to accept that one woman in my life can occupy both roles: the woman and the freak, if only I would let her. Thereby giving me an all encompassing level of satisfaction; theoretically anyway.

Gentlemen, have you had these same mental battles over the years? Can you allow a woman to do all the freaky things you like without judging her for doing them? Ladies, have you had a guy you liked give it willingly to everyone but you because he “respects you too much” leaving you with nothing but curiosity and the rumors of the way he puts it down? Is it possible for a man to respect you too much? Do these issues complicate your general interactions with men and how comfortable you feel doing certain things with or around specific men? Does it depend on what you want from him: a fling vs. a husband?

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I love it the joys of worldwide web

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Pretty much disagree 100%. Who wrote it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ye i think you got a good theory.....it makes sense 2 me....and just anserd a lot of questions in my head.....when ive got a gf....i will obviously have sex...blow job...lick fanny...but i crnt bring myself 2 say anything 2 rude...and when i do it comes out weird..."like ouhhh ye take it you dirty girl" propper passion killer....but when im shaggin a girl i dnt know ill be like, year suck my dick you bitch...or fuckin lick my arse hole.....and be really aggressive and stuff....not all the time....but i crnt b like that at all with a gf....i have no idea y that is...mayb beacause i have 2 see her everyday....or beacause i know her family...or beacause she speaks 2 my family....who knows ha ha

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By *ce WingerMan over a year ago

P.O. Box DE1 0NQ

Wish my missus said I was easy?

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By *ess von teaseWoman over a year ago

perth

this was an interesting read at 3am mad o clock in the morn.thanks made me think:D x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this perfectly explains those men (minority? majority?) who will happily go to a swingers club when single, and fuck the stuffing out of someone else's wife. But when they 'fall in love' - even with someone who they have met in a swinging situation - all of a sudden it's "no way, no other (single) man is fucking my wife/girlfriend". The age-old double standard!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i think that is the best post ive read since joining. its a weird one. i would say i couldnt with someone i "like" but i remember this one girl i really really liked and i couldnt even have a naughty thought about her let alone anything physical!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

but once our friendship went shipshaped i couldnt stop thinking about fucking her in all kinds of ways

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By *wanzukCouple over a year ago

swansea

i agree with the op to an extent but only when i was really much younger and i thought the world was different i would go to clubs see a girl who was attractive (or sometimes not )try to pull them and get them back to mine for wild times but if i saw what i considered gf material id hope she would only let me kiss her then give me her number which meant she was a nice girl , ive since discovered nice girls love sex too ! i was so niave the nicest most caring woman can turn into a tiger in the bedroom and change back to an angel straight after , much like some nice men who turn into angry foul mouthed knobs when they are driving !

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By *wanzukCouple over a year ago

swansea

sunnyopptimist i think thats more a jelousy, ownership thing i wouldnt really regard those type of men as swingers just blokes looking to get their end away as often as possible they dont mind sharing other peoples wives but not their own and your spot on its double standards

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By *wanzukCouple over a year ago

swansea

sbaybay exactly the same thing has happened to me

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Blackspice!!! Where are you when we need you??

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By *rs WhiteCouple over a year ago

South

Yes this is exactly right. I find it very difficult to even chat up a woman I really like and fancy like mad.

The more I like and fancy them the more difficult it is to even aproach them. and If I do I'm the perfect gent, polite and respectful. This aproach just does not work! I know this. I just dont understand it.

I thought I was the only one!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Blackspice!!! Where are you when we need you?? "

We need him, and View too, and Fabio!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

i love this post.. me and an ex were great sexually at the beginning of our relationship it was exciting, but out of the blue he admitted he could no longer cum on my face or continue with the rougher side of sex because he loved me.

didn't quite know how to take it.. he said it was because he respected me too much.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"i love this post.. me and an ex were great sexually at the beginning of our relationship it was exciting, but out of the blue he admitted he could no longer cum on my face or continue with the rougher side of sex because he loved me.

didn't quite know how to take it.. he said it was because he respected me too much. "

The world's gone mad!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In the vanilla world, I nearly turned down a gent after speaking to him over the phone and subsequent text messages, including a few naughty pics exchanges, as he came across as too crass and crude, not in line with his claim to be an upmarket, educated and intelligent gentleman.

I informed him right from the start that I am on FAB, so he knows I am not a fridge and is sexually liberated.

However, that does not mean I like to take it rough and ready. Far from the contrary!

After I turned him down, he continued to contact me with text exchanges, and would not give up.

When I questioned him about it, he said he was intrigued by me etc... He did say a lot more than that, however, I am not one that gloats!

By this time I too was intrigued by him (could not get enough of his voice for a start), and was taken by his persistence. So I informed him why I turned him down. He apologised, and said he got carried away, and thought I would like to talk dirty (eh no).

Since then, he behaved like a perfect gentleman, and would take the lead from me, as in when to start behaving naughty and fruity.

And yes, we have had some great sessions over the phone!

Hopefully, we will meet soon to see if sparks fly between us to take it further.

This example I believe illustrates that gents need to use different approaches in order to woo ladies, as we are all different.

As for me, I have learnt not to be so judgemental!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"In the vanilla world, I nearly turned down a gent after speaking to him over the phone and subsequent text messages, including a few naughty pics exchanges, as he came across as too crass and crude, not in line with his claim to be an upmarket, educated and intelligent gentleman.

I informed him right from the start that I am on FAB, so he knows I am not a fridge and is sexually liberated.

However, that does not mean I like to take it rough and ready. Far from the contrary!

After I turned him down, he continued to contact me with text exchanges, and would not give up.

When I questioned him about it, he said he was intrigued by me etc... He did say a lot more than that, however, I am not one that gloats!

Since then, he behaved like a perfect gentleman, and would take the lead from me, as in when to start behaving naughty and fruity.

And yes, we have had some great sessions over the phone!

Hopefully, we will meet soon to see if sparks fly between us to take it further.

This example I believe illustrates that gents need to use different approaches in order to woo ladies, as we are all different.

As for me, I have learnt not to be so judgemental!

For years, when I was interested in a girl, I behaved like a perfect gentleman. Polite,considerate treated women well, bought gifts, meals, drinks etc. Made sure home safe and all, non-pushy, good-listener, everything you 'hear' women want/like. But in general, I was treated very shabbily in return. Mates who treated girls what I would consider poorly, seemed to be far more 'successful' than myself with them. In the last couple of years, since I divorced, I have not been actively looking for a relationship, and so have been much more 'casual' in my treatment of women. Not nasty in any way, just a disinterested, 'yes, whatever' attitude. Yet I have never had so many 'one night stands' in my life. Go figure!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't comment about others' behaviours.

However, for me, it is important for a gent to strike the iron when it is hot.

I do not wait by the phone in the hope it would ring. And if a gent shows disinterest, then I would consider him a goner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Can't comment about others' behaviours.

However, for me, it is important for a gent to strike the iron when it is hot.

I do not wait by the phone in the hope it would ring. And if a gent shows disinterest, then I would consider him a goner.

I've probably missed out on a few girls in the past though. Partly shyness, & I don't seem to bloody read them very well either!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I can be read very easily apparently. Mind you, if I like someone, I let him know. Definitely not shy here!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think this perfectly explains those men (minority? majority?) who will happily go to a swingers club when single, and fuck the stuffing out of someone else's wife. But when they 'fall in love' - even with someone who they have met in a swinging situation - all of a sudden it's "no way, no other (single) man is fucking my wife/girlfriend". The age-old double standard!"

so are you saying if a single bloke plays wit ha couple, he has 2 write them an I.O.U for the couple. ha ha....surely its personal choice....sum people just want black, cum people just want white, sum people want bbw's, sum people just want bi-women.....some people wanna sleep with couples....sum people dnt want to play as a couple, and its sumthing 4 when there single.....whats the problem with that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think this works both way, for me anyway. I find it much more difficult to be sexually adventurous with someone I care about. I wouldn't want to suggest something and upset him.

Mind you, when I told my ex husband I didn't think we were having enough sex, he acted like all his birthdays had come at once.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

if it was a single female u wudnt say that

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I disagree, I think that a total different scenario.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

That's not what she said haha. She said haha that some blokes haha go to clubs shagging everything in sight haha but should they meet a partner haha even in the swinging world haha they wouldn't let another geezer any where near her haha.

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

Resembles me , my friends and my life in no way whatsover,thank god.

America is far more conservative sexually than Europe, and this debate is being fought in many feminist groups over there.

i am sure some people here recognise the goodgirl/bad girl thing. i prefer to surround myself with people who are more self aware and mature.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

ye i know thats what she said....my questions still relevant.....just cuz subody gets' turned on shaggin other peoples wives y shud he have 2 let other men shag his wife if he dnt like the idea......if he met his wife through the swinging scene, and he doesnt like men fucking his wife, then they shouldnt get together....and you ha ha joke you got goin on there...can you explain y u thought that was neccerssary...and the devil face....suggests' you carnt take other views....HA HA

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's that old saying?

A goddess in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.

Remember that guys and you can't go far wrong with your choice of partner.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

so are you saying if a single bloke plays wit ha

couple, he has 2 write them an I.O.U for the couple. ha ha....surely its personal choice....sum people just want black, cum people just want white, sum people want bbw's, sum people just want bi-women.....some people wanna sleep with couples....sum people dnt want to play as a couple, and its sumthing 4 when there single.....whats the problem with that"

Haha, hoho, hehe

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"What's that old saying?

A goddess in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.

Remember that guys and you can't go far wrong with your choice of partner.

Or every man needs a goddess in the kitchen,a lady in the living room,a whore in the bedroom and a secretary to make sure the three never meet

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's that old saying?

A goddess in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.

Remember that guys and you can't go far wrong with your choice of partner.

Or every man needs a goddess in the kitchen,a lady in the living room,a whore in the bedroom and a secretary to make sure the three never meet

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

Sorry Simon,i've resisted a lot but since you are going to post frequently cud u make your posts comprehensible rather than stream of consciousness.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Sorry Simon,i've resisted a lot but since you are going to post frequently cud u make your posts comprehensible rather than stream of consciousness.

im just saying, if a couple get's turned on, by bringing another man into the bedroom, and a man gets turned on, having sex with other peoples wife's. why should that mean the single guy should share his wife with other men, if it doesnt do it for him. It's out of order to suggest it's double standards'. every body likes' different things'......and playing with a single man shouldnt mean you get a go at his gf/wife in the future....like an I.O.U.....and the bloke who done all the ha ha things just wondering why he thought that was neccersary.....my spelling is poo i ent got time 2 check it soz...should make more of an effort

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It takes me a while to see what your view point is. All the haha's you put after every sentence makes me think you don't believe what you are saying yourself.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am a good girl with a very naughty streak!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It takes me a while to see what your view point is. All the haha's you put after every sentence makes me think you don't believe what you are saying yourself."

in the one you comented on there was ha ha ......so what r u onabout.....have my ha ha's in previous posts' been playing on your mind or somthing.....dnt know why u let sumthing that petty get 2 you kida

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 31/07/11 14:36:27]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It takes me a while to see what your view point is. All the haha's you put after every sentence makes me think you don't believe what you are saying yourself.

in the one you comented on there was ONLY 1 ha ha ......so what r u onabout.....have my ha ha's in previous posts' been playing on your mind or somthing.....dnt know why u let sumthing that petty get 2 you kida

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Jeez guys, take it to private mail. Seem to be a few threads with Simon on turning out the same way.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jeez guys, take it to private mail. Seem to be a few threads with Simon on turning out the same way. "

Nod in agreement!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jeez guys, take it to private mail. Seem to be a few threads with Simon on turning out the same way.

Nod in agreement!

Same here. It's getting tedious now.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jeez guys, take it to private mail. Seem to be a few threads with Simon on turning out the same way. "

ye but read the threads....and the other threads.....i dnt start any confrontation......it is always me making a point....then instead of counter arguing my point they just start being rude....its happend everytime.....im just offering alternative view point's.....but beacause im the new guy, young,single male....i get ganged up on by the people who think they own this forum.....y crnt people ever aknowledge that my opinion is just as justified as any elses's.....im not looking 4 a row....if you look at my posts in other forums im just having a laugh.....the posts were i been OP r just genneral posts nothing serius....then i offer the opinion of a young lad on here and every1 just shoots it down.....makes me laugh cause you lot are all older then me but act like your my age

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Jeez guys, take it to private mail. Seem to be a few threads with Simon on turning out the same way.

I made no accusations about you being the instigator, just commented that it was threads you had posted on.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

My everyday life and my sex life are so far removed from each other, its simply like im two people so i guess thats why ive never come across someone treating me different once where involved fully in a relationship.

Cause out of the bedroom they treat me as the 1st person and in the bedroom im not their girlfriend but their sex partner for want of a better word

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Just to clarify...EVERYONE can have an opinion on the forums.

They may not be the same as yours, but they are not against any rules.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I "love" good girls, and I'd take one over the bad girl everytime.

I don't find the "in your face brazen hussy" type as attractive as the "goody two shoes" girl.

Perhaps it's because I like the chase, and the sense of achievment any success makes me feel?

There are always exceptions to every rule though, so I'm not going to tell you that I've never taken "easy meat" when I've been a little peckish

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By *entadreadMan over a year ago

Essex

I like bad gals...

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By *LBishCouple over a year ago

near bury st edmunds

I love being a bad girl, If i had a choice i rather the guy i was playing with be it a single guy or a guy from a couple, be more on the rough side with me, bit of name calling etc etc. I have sensual sex with my OH. Rather have it rough and ready with a guy other than my OH. Not to say i cant play sensual, but if given the choice go for the Dirty rough sex. x

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

Sorry Simon,i've resisted a lot but since you are going to post frequently cud u make your posts comprehensible rather than stream of consciousness.

Its not the spelling,many here cant spell,its the lack of sentence structure or breaks,as Mr nice says the "ha,has" and the fact it reads as if it is in said in one breath in the style if an indignant teenager.

You can clearly post more clearly as you did in response to me.

Sadly my knowledge of other boards suggests that when a poster adopts a deliberate style it is because they inhabit bridges and eat goats,which is a pity

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Or they just use text speak?

It is hard to dechiper for these old eyes though, or is it just that I can't be bothered trying to dechiper text speak?

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By *emima_puddlefuckCouple over a year ago

hexham

"Or they just use text speak?

It is hard to dechiper for these old eyes though, or is it just that I can't be bothered trying to dechiper text speak?

Naw its not even the text speak,kev uses it cos off his work...teens are a bad influence.

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By *ugby 123Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

O o O oo

Simon, most people won't give a toss if you mispsell words, but they may understand it better than you using text

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What's that old saying?

A goddess in the kitchen, a lady in the living room and a whore in the bedroom.

Remember that guys and you can't go far wrong with your choice of partner.

Or every man needs a goddess in the kitchen,a lady in the living room,a whore in the bedroom and a secretary to make sure the three never meet

Likewise this can be flipped around to reveal that a lady desires a knight in the outside world, a gentleman in the living room and a fuck-hungry beast in the bedroom...needless to say I can and do enjoy behaving in all 3 of these sides to my character. But at times the scene calls for a combination of these. Most ladies would be quite taken with a well-groomed man who will hold the door open for them, give them his umbrella in the rain and make excellent polite conversation in company...before whispering in her ear that she had better remove her knickers, because when he gets her home he wants to fuck her the instant the front door closes....

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Yeah i'm just so used to using it, it's hard not to, and when I type properly, it take's me a lot longer. but I am going to try and type using better grammer.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I wouldn't be keen on fucking a woman I didn't like.

I'd have to dislike them for a reason and that reason would probably make them unattractive to me.

Also having sex with someone I like or am friends with is more enjoyable to me.

I'd find it hard to give pleasure to someone I disliked.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Confirms what I've always thought: Both genders are fickle in their own special way!

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By *eaboMan over a year ago

marden

going back to the original post, is it a guy using a girls profile to present a male point of view. Or is it a girl giving a womans perspective on a male point of view?

I have to assume that like means find attractive and dislike means are indifferent to the lady's charms, not just looks but everything else we pick up on and label attraction. I make it spot on for me. If i find a woman extremely attractive i struggle to 'give it beans' but am more than happy to be more gentle. That of course is if i can get the nerve to talk to her in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"going back to the original post, is it a guy using a girls profile to present a male point of view. Or is it a girl giving a womans perspective on a male point of view?

It's actually a copy and paste from a blog. Google this thread's title and see!

However I have no idea if the OP and the person who wrote that blog are the same person or not.

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By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"going back to the original post, is it a guy using a girls profile to present a male point of view. Or is it a girl giving a womans perspective on a male point of view?

It's actually a copy and paste from a blog. Google this thread's title and see!

However I have no idea if the OP and the person who wrote that blog are the same person or not."

Yes it is copy and paste like I say wonders of world wide web made interesting reading and thought I would share. As I was interested from a different thread.

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