FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Desperation. It's just not sexy
Desperation. It's just not sexy
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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this is the best advice you can get on here and tbh thats exactly what im doing i am not expecting any meets on here because im aware if the fake profiles and time wasters on here |
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Particularly when as a woman I've said 'no thanks' but I get messages saying I'm missing out because they've got a big cock! Tragic, how am I missing out when I wasn't sexually attracted to them anyway!
I got a message this morning, sent last night saying he was horny, him and his mate would come pick me up for a threesome, as he put it taking turns for a few hours. He's probably surprised I declined his offer lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The number of desperate guys who bother people without reading profiles is unbelievable.
Guys, if the profile says NO SINGLE GUYS, why not just respect the choices and leave people alone?
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
I completely agree. Negativity or bad vibes do nothing to better one's cause, and indeed, just pushes people away.
Fab, like everything in life, requires hard work for any success to be obtained.
Treat others as you yourself would like to be treated. People acknowledge and respect that.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience."
Sorry but that is both condescending and patronising.
People use fab how they see fit.
Other peoples success is their own business. |
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"Particularly when as a woman I've said 'no thanks' but I get messages saying I'm missing out because they've got a big cock! Tragic, how am I missing out when I wasn't sexually attracted to them anyway!
I got a message this morning, sent last night saying he was horny, him and his mate would come pick me up for a threesome, as he put it taking turns for a few hours. He's probably surprised I declined his offer lol. "
Sometimes I'm almost embarrassed to be part of the male species when I hear these stories.
To say, 'oh you'll be missing out because I've got a big cock'.... god, how pathetic does that sound.
I genuinely can't believe they actually say things like this 
It gives you real insight into what type of a person they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely. The most annoying is, you're not far I could be there in half hour. Cause, Yeah. I sit in my house with my pants down hoping for such a classy guy to rock up and get his cock out. The dumbest was flat in xxxxxxx now. Come in door open. I mean seriously. C'mon.
I could go on. The number of times I've been asked we could set up a couple's profile and go to clubs together. Thank you kindly but I have more chance as a lone wolf. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience.
Sorry but that is both condescending and patronising.
People use fab how they see fit.
Other peoples success is their own business."
Unfortunately when its lack of success they make it everyone else's business. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Great advice OP and one that a lot of men (and it is mainly men) would do well to take heed of.
I think the problem is far too many guys stumble across this site, or hear about it from mates etc and think it's a golden ticket to sex on tap without appreciating the finer points of swinging and NSA meets. The (incorrect) perception being that you only have to sign up to be guaranteed an endless supply of meets within days without having to make an effort.
When that doesn't materialise the frustration kicks in and the desperation starts to show.
If these guys only realised that it's not as simple as that and that it takes time and effort by way of profile creation and appealing messages etc and even then there are no guarantees, then everyone would be a lot happier.
Sadly though that will never happen as where sex is concerned too many guys tend to think with their dick and not their brain  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience."
Thank you OP  |
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Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too."
I think it's more saying what the op thinks most ladies want to hear. When I'm meeting I want to know from the get go that whatever happens on fab is purely sexual. I want to see cock. I want to talk sex... I certainly don't want to be wooed. Guess that would make me a desparado? |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience.
Sorry but that is both condescending and patronising.
People use fab how they see fit.
Other peoples success is their own business."
Agreed. I believe the OP meant well however. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too."
The voice of reason again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There are a lot of idiots about, that I agree with.
They stumble around Fab, sending FAF mesages and generally behaving like it is instashag.
Give these guys a template to follow, all they will do is change their gameplan to ensure success. It doesn't change them, how they view women or how they will behave once they have tempted you in with their "charm".
People should be themselves. That way people can make an informed choice about compatibility.
Teaching cavemen to be gentlemen in their opening correspondence builds false expectations. We will eventually end up with threads by women complaining that the chaps were ever so polite in their messages, but still tried to club me over the head and drag me to bed.
Most will no doubt disagree going from the above comments, but people need to reflect who they are, not try and be something they are not just to get a fuck. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too."
To answer the first question, it's both, unrealistic expectations lead to desperation as I suggested in my post above.
As for those that like to go dogging or to gang bangs - that in itself is not desperation, that's their preference and long may they continue to enjoy that preference.
What the OP was referring to, I believe, was the desperation to get a meet that creeps in and shows via status updates, or "Why can't I get a meet?" threads, or offensive messages etc.
And whilst we are here looking for casual sex, that doesn't mean that the veneers of courtship have to go out the window - yes it's a different kind of courtship from a traditional dating one, but for me anyway, and I don't think I'm alone, for a sexual encounter to be satisfying there has to be a level of connection and chemistry, and you can't achieve that without that veneer |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too."
Sexual preference is not desperation. But I think the point the op is making is effort versus reward. I never go home with a random on a night out. I certainly wouldn't entertain a fancy a fuck conversation or I live near let's go. So as to dogging, no it's a preference, gangbangs take organising, never done one but I read the threads, the woman chooses in most cases so again preference. And having someone take an interest in me isn't courting. It's establishing a common ground, the reward versus the effort. The connection and electricity is what allows me to understand if someone is pursuing. X |
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"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too.
Sexual preference is not desperation. But I think the point the op is making is effort versus reward. I never go home with a random on a night out. I certainly wouldn't entertain a fancy a fuck conversation or I live near let's go. So as to dogging, no it's a preference, gangbangs take organising, never done one but I read the threads, the woman chooses in most cases so again preference. And having someone take an interest in me isn't courting. It's establishing a common ground, the reward versus the effort. The connection and electricity is what allows me to understand if someone is pursuing. X "
Personally I would say that having someone take an interest in you with a view to having sex is courting by another name. I'm not saying it's wrong.
I was attempting to open up the discussion.
I think that by suggesting that women need to be wooed but that most men are incapable of it is a little patronising and insulting to both sexes. I think that many men actually prefer to know a bit about the women they're about to meet and a lot of their confusion and exasperation comes from being knocked back time and again when they've tried countless times.
I also think that single men aren't always the bad guys they're portrayed as. |
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By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too.
Sexual preference is not desperation. But I think the point the op is making is effort versus reward. I never go home with a random on a night out. I certainly wouldn't entertain a fancy a fuck conversation or I live near let's go. So as to dogging, no it's a preference, gangbangs take organising, never done one but I read the threads, the woman chooses in most cases so again preference. And having someone take an interest in me isn't courting. It's establishing a common ground, the reward versus the effort. The connection and electricity is what allows me to understand if someone is pursuing. X
Personally I would say that having someone take an interest in you with a view to having sex is courting by another name. I'm not saying it's wrong.
I was attempting to open up the discussion.
I think that by suggesting that women need to be wooed but that most men are incapable of it is a little patronising and insulting to both sexes. I think that many men actually prefer to know a bit about the women they're about to meet and a lot of their confusion and exasperation comes from being knocked back time and again when they've tried countless times.
I also think that single men aren't always the bad guys they're portrayed as."
they aren't I chat with lots of nice ones |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Great advice OP and one that a lot of men (and it is mainly men) would do well to take heed of.
I think the problem is far too many guys stumble across this site, or hear about it from mates etc and think it's a golden ticket to sex on tap without appreciating the finer points of swinging and NSA meets. The (incorrect) perception being that you only have to sign up to be guaranteed an endless supply of meets within days without having to make an effort.
When that doesn't materialise the frustration kicks in and the desperation starts to show.
If these guys only realised that it's not as simple as that and that it takes time and effort by way of profile creation and appealing messages etc and even then there are no guarantees, then everyone would be a lot happier.
Sadly though that will never happen as where sex is concerned too many guys tend to think with their dick and not their brain "
Pretty much the size of it
( see what i did there? I'm on bloody fire)  |
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Good advice OP.
I got a message last night asking if I'd like to meet for a drink sometime and we agreed an evening next week. So he took your advice...but that wasn't enough once he'd secured the agreement of a drink. He kept messaging tone after time and said come round now. No I'm not a late night dial a shag love. So guess who's now not meeting me for a drink. Some guys just really don't get it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too.
Sexual preference is not desperation. But I think the point the op is making is effort versus reward. I never go home with a random on a night out. I certainly wouldn't entertain a fancy a fuck conversation or I live near let's go. So as to dogging, no it's a preference, gangbangs take organising, never done one but I read the threads, the woman chooses in most cases so again preference. And having someone take an interest in me isn't courting. It's establishing a common ground, the reward versus the effort. The connection and electricity is what allows me to understand if someone is pursuing. X
Personally I would say that having someone take an interest in you with a view to having sex is courting by another name. I'm not saying it's wrong.
I was attempting to open up the discussion.
I think that by suggesting that women need to be wooed but that most men are incapable of it is a little patronising and insulting to both sexes. I think that many men actually prefer to know a bit about the women they're about to meet and a lot of their confusion and exasperation comes from being knocked back time and again when they've tried countless times.
I also think that single men aren't always the bad guys they're portrayed as."
I don't think it's courting. Going by traditional values. Courting suggests exclusivity and monogamy. That's not the same as making an effort or taking an interest in someone. Our Grandparents courted. And I imagine they were not forseeing anyone else in the equation. |
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By *litterbabeWoman
over a year ago
hiding from cock pics. |
Very well said, some of the messages I get, I really can't understand that they think that somebody would take them up on their offers.
If more people had your approach I'm sure they would do much much better. |
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"There are a lot of idiots about, that I agree with.
They stumble around Fab, sending FAF mesages and generally behaving like it is instashag.
Give these guys a template to follow, all they will do is change their gameplan to ensure success. It doesn't change them, how they view women or how they will behave once they have tempted you in with their "charm".
People should be themselves. That way people can make an informed choice about compatibility.
Teaching cavemen to be gentlemen in their opening correspondence builds false expectations. We will eventually end up with threads by women complaining that the chaps were ever so polite in their messages, but still tried to club me over the head and drag me to bed.
Most will no doubt disagree going from the above comments, but people need to reflect who they are, not try and be something they are not just to get a fuck."
Congratulations on hitting the nail squarely on hits head.
Without a doubt the best post written on this thread. |
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"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working."
I'm just discussing, trying to present an alternative point of view. You wouldn't want 174 posts just agreeing with you...would you?  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would like to see some guys be more honest about what they want. It is quite clear that some men come here looking for sex and they are not fussed about there being connection or if the lady in question wants it. IMO for these men their needs would be better met by an escort, so if that's the case I would say don't be mean and pay for an escort, instead of hijacking a site where woman aren't providing that service. Also I think men should be realistic about possibilities. Even for those who are looking for nsa sex with a mutual connection, there will always be more men looking for this than women. As a result some men will always miss out. That just the way of the world. No website will provide a miraculous solution to the age old problem of there being more men than women into nsa sex.
Mrs |
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"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you."
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
I am not suggesting any duplicity. I am suggesting a little patience. We live in a world of instant gratification and we have become the same in our relationships.
For the record I do not look down on guys who aren't getting anything out of fab. I see myself three years ago making exactly the same mistakes and getting nowhere. I was very ignorant and really annoyed a lot of people. Today I only annoy a moderate number of people.
Because I have more fun on fab than I have time for I tend to message people because they interest me as human beings. I usually have no sexual agenda. As a result more than 75% of all people I message reply to me and some of these conversations end up as friendships. Without even looking for a sexual outcome I probably have more meets than some guys who use "techniques" and "strategies" to facilitate sexual encounters. |
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"I would like to see some guys be more honest about what they want. It is quite clear that some men come here looking for sex and they are not fussed about there being connection or if the lady in question wants it. IMO for these men their needs would be better met by an escort, so if that's the case I would say don't be mean and pay for an escort, instead of hijacking a site where woman aren't providing that service. Also I think men should be realistic about possibilities. Even for those who are looking for nsa sex with a mutual connection, there will always be more men looking for this than women. As a result some men will always miss out. That just the way of the world. No website will provide a miraculous solution to the age old problem of there being more men than women into nsa sex.
Mrs"
The 'Any Hole's A Goal' brigade who just want to get their dick wet
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Great advice OP and one that a lot of men (and it is mainly men) would do well to take heed of.
I think the problem is far too many guys stumble across this site, or hear about it from mates etc and think it's a golden ticket to sex on tap without appreciating the finer points of swinging and NSA meets. The (incorrect) perception being that you only have to sign up to be guaranteed an endless supply of meets within days without having to make an effort.
When that doesn't materialise the frustration kicks in and the desperation starts to show.
If these guys only realised that it's not as simple as that and that it takes time and effort by way of profile creation and appealing messages etc and even then there are no guarantees, then everyone would be a lot happier.
Sadly though that will never happen as where sex is concerned too many guys tend to think with their dick and not their brain
Pretty much the size of it
( see what i did there? I'm on bloody fire) "
There's no stopping you Sappy  |
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"I don’t want to be courted but I do want to be respected and a lot of men on here do not respect women "
That's a different kettle of fish in my opinion. I think we all need to respect each other. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move  "
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience.
Sorry but that is both condescending and patronising.
People use fab how they see fit.
Other peoples success is their own business."
Agreed.
Laughed heartily at the "dont use fab as a sex site!!!"
LOL what the hell else would one use it for then? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate."
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway""
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t want to be courted but I do want to be respected and a lot of men on here do not respect women
That's a different kettle of fish in my opinion. I think we all need to respect each other."
I don’t think it is, because the men who are desperate are less likely to respect women |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference."
Take a look at the woman complaining thread. Towards the end. There in black and white and in caps no less.
I quote it here now.
Meet tonight - means desperate and can't afford an escort.
So yeah there has been suggestions of that ilk. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference."
I've got no problem with fuck go. I'm suggesting that the person reciprocate interest in you before you go there. But hey if it works for you. By all means. My posts are aimed those who can't understand why their FAF messages get deleted.
|
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"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy."
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference.
Take a look at the woman complaining thread. Towards the end. There in black and white and in caps no less.
I quote it here now.
Meet tonight - means desperate and can't afford an escort.
So yeah there has been suggestions of that ilk."
I was referring to this thread - not generally. I've not seen the thread you're referring to, but if it's the type I think it is, they usually have an element of tongue in cheek and stereotype about them. I'd also suggest that the post you've picked out doesn't reference fuck and go per se, more a potential desperation for a meet, any meet and could be equally applied to both men and women in that context. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
To all the people who have agreed with me and given me the thumbs up. Thanks for the encouragement. To those who haven't agreed with me thank you for your contribution and making this a civil and thought provoking discussion. I am still learning and I value all insights people have on this thread.
Golly is it hot in here! I'm blushing like crazy!!! See I CAN blush  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’ve met the OP in person too, and he’s a lovely guy with a lovely partner and is an asset to this site
Oh my god I actually thought it was a woman who started the thread,I didn't even look at the avatar  "
Thanks..... I think?
Xx |
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Some men want a simple fuck and go , true nsa with a couple or a single woman . And some women and couples like this too .
We are one of these couples , and it certainly works for us .
So while the ops advice is good for certain scenarios , it’s no good for those who are simply after a nsa encounter .
So maybe single guys should just craft their messages according to that which they and the potential meet are after .
|
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Some men want a simple fuck and go , true nsa with a couple or a single woman . And some women and couples like this too .
We are one of these couples , and it certainly works for us .
So while the ops advice is good for certain scenarios , it’s no good for those who are simply after a nsa encounter .
So maybe single guys should just craft their messages according to that which they and the potential meet are after .
"
Bingo. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys "
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it"
And if he isnt "white knighting" then why say it at all? |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference.
Take a look at the woman complaining thread. Towards the end. There in black and white and in caps no less.
I quote it here now.
Meet tonight - means desperate and can't afford an escort.
So yeah there has been suggestions of that ilk.
I was referring to this thread - not generally. I've not seen the thread you're referring to, but if it's the type I think it is, they usually have an element of tongue in cheek and stereotype about them. I'd also suggest that the post you've picked out doesn't reference fuck and go per se, more a potential desperation for a meet, any meet and could be equally applied to both men and women in that context."
Yeah fair enough. Just today is rife with cant get a meet threads and women and couples having a dig at men threads. |
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"Some men want a simple fuck and go , true nsa with a couple or a single woman . And some women and couples like this too .
We are one of these couples , and it certainly works for us .
So while the ops advice is good for certain scenarios , it’s no good for those who are simply after a nsa encounter .
So maybe single guys should just craft their messages according to that which they and the potential meet are after .
Bingo."
But then when they target the wrong ladies and don't get any meets don't come on the forum whinging. I think that's the issue. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it"
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on? |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Some men want a simple fuck and go , true nsa with a couple or a single woman . And some women and couples like this too .
We are one of these couples , and it certainly works for us .
So while the ops advice is good for certain scenarios , it’s no good for those who are simply after a nsa encounter .
So maybe single guys should just craft their messages according to that which they and the potential meet are after .
Bingo.
But then when they target the wrong ladies and don't get any meets don't come on the forum whinging. I think that's the issue. "
Yes definately true! Play the game how you see fit and live or die by it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
And if he isnt "white knighting" then why say it at all?"
Because it's fun to start a thread on a subject of interest. Presumably those who think this is a stupid or unnecessary subject to start a thread on will pass it over to a thread more to their taste? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference.
Take a look at the woman complaining thread. Towards the end. There in black and white and in caps no less.
I quote it here now.
Meet tonight - means desperate and can't afford an escort.
So yeah there has been suggestions of that ilk.
I was referring to this thread - not generally. I've not seen the thread you're referring to, but if it's the type I think it is, they usually have an element of tongue in cheek and stereotype about them. I'd also suggest that the post you've picked out doesn't reference fuck and go per se, more a potential desperation for a meet, any meet and could be equally applied to both men and women in that context.
Yeah fair enough. Just today is rife with cant get a meet threads and women and couples having a dig at men threads."
That's every day on here isn't it? |
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"I’ve met the OP in person too, and he’s a lovely guy with a lovely partner and is an asset to this site
Oh my god I actually thought it was a woman who started the thread,I didn't even look at the avatar
Thanks..... I think?
Xx"
So I presumed it was a woman having a moan about men for some reason  |
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"I’ve met the OP in person too, and he’s a lovely guy with a lovely partner and is an asset to this site
Oh my god I actually thought it was a woman who started the thread,I didn't even look at the avatar
Thanks..... I think?
Xx
So I presumed it was a woman having a moan about men for some reason "
*sorry that should have said |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not suggesting endless ping pong messages unless that's what you both want. And a message that says "hi" or "hi how are you" is just as likely to deleted as a FAF.
If there is a huge number of guys out there sending FAF messages what sets you apart. Do you want her to roll her eyes or smile? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on? "
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am" |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Some men want a simple fuck and go , true nsa with a couple or a single woman . And some women and couples like this too .
We are one of these couples , and it certainly works for us .
So while the ops advice is good for certain scenarios , it’s no good for those who are simply after a nsa encounter .
So maybe single guys should just craft their messages according to that which they and the potential meet are after .
"
I think there's been some confusion throughout the thread about what the OP is referring to though - it's not those that like a "simple fuck and go" don't think that's been the suggestion at all, and whilst that scenario is not for me, I'd defend anyone's right to enjoy that preference as much as the next man,and certainly wouldn't call it desperation.
What the OP is referring to as desperate, (or at least my read of it) is those who bemoan their 'luck' via "Why can't I get a meet?" or "All women are up themselves" type threads or status updates along the same lines and has merely offered some advice to those that see the need to post those kinds of things.
And to address someone else's point - I'd say what the OP has done has been the polar opposite of white knighting as he's actually trying to help other guys and is not rushing to the defence of anyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am""
If that's his motive for starting this thread, there's nothing wrong with that surely? However it could be that it just amused him to start a thread. Or maybe a bit of both. Who knows. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am""
What’s your motive for commenting on this thread?
If you think the OP has an ulterior motive for starting this thread, then you must have a motive for posting on it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am""
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"I think if people were more proactive, especially women, rather than reactive, then there wouldn’t be so much angst about messages received.
Block single men and go and look for them yourself.
Send the first message rather than waiting for them to message you.
Also don't say women who want fuck and go are expressing a preference and men who do are desperate.
I don't think that's been said at all to be fair - the 'desperation' that's been referred to has been that displayed by users of the site who can't get a meet at all (fuck and go or otherwise) who bemoan their 'luck' in negative statuses and forum posts etc and send uninspiring messages etc.
Don't think there's been any suggestion that enjoying fuck and go is in any way desperate (on the part of any gender) if that is the individual's preference.
Take a look at the woman complaining thread. Towards the end. There in black and white and in caps no less.
I quote it here now.
Meet tonight - means desperate and can't afford an escort.
So yeah there has been suggestions of that ilk.
I was referring to this thread - not generally. I've not seen the thread you're referring to, but if it's the type I think it is, they usually have an element of tongue in cheek and stereotype about them. I'd also suggest that the post you've picked out doesn't reference fuck and go per se, more a potential desperation for a meet, any meet and could be equally applied to both men and women in that context.
Yeah fair enough. Just today is rife with cant get a meet threads and women and couples having a dig at men threads.
That's every day on here isn't it?"
Haha. Lately yes |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am"
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are."
It doesn't really matter what you motive is for posting a thread. It's fun to discuss this issues, and that's all that matters.
Mrs |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am"
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are."
I would prefer to sit back and laugh. I am a strong believer in people should learn from their own mistakes. |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"There are a lot of idiots about, that I agree with.
They stumble around Fab, sending FAF mesages and generally behaving like it is instashag.
Give these guys a template to follow, all they will do is change their gameplan to ensure success. It doesn't change them, how they view women or how they will behave once they have tempted you in with their "charm".
People should be themselves. That way people can make an informed choice about compatibility.
Teaching cavemen to be gentlemen in their opening correspondence builds false expectations. We will eventually end up with threads by women complaining that the chaps were ever so polite in their messages, but still tried to club me over the head and drag me to bed.
Most will no doubt disagree going from the above comments, but people need to reflect who they are, not try and be something they are not just to get a fuck."
have to say this bloke is saying everything i would have said....
in effect.... the OP just gave ever chancer a template.....
1) it makes it harder for everyone to work out who is genuine and who isn't....
2) you just made it a ton harder for the people who do get it and understand to stand out for those who dont....
fab is fine the way it is... because if someone doesn't get it, you know and you can filter!!!!
all this does make "white knights" of people........ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are."
I'm the sort of person who would go over and ask if they need a hand, not appear ofer their shoulder and say you are doing that wrong.
As you pointed out there are threads galore saying "why can't I get a meet". Your advice would sit well within those threads.
Leave people to their own devices unless they ask for help?
It isn't your responsibility to make Fab a better experience for the ladies here. That is a bit White Knight-ish and probably puts (some) peoples backs up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I'm the sort of person who would go over and ask if they need a hand, not appear ofer their shoulder and say you are doing that wrong.
As you pointed out there are threads galore saying "why can't I get a meet". Your advice would sit well within those threads.
Leave people to their own devices unless they ask for help?
It isn't your responsibility to make Fab a better experience for the ladies here. That is a bit White Knight-ish and probably puts (some) peoples backs up."
But if he did it your way and only offered advise to individuals who asked for it, then this thread would not have existed. And I for one have enjoyed this thread. He hasn't broken any forum rules.
Mrs |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I'm the sort of person who would go over and ask if they need a hand, not appear ofer their shoulder and say you are doing that wrong.
As you pointed out there are threads galore saying "why can't I get a meet". Your advice would sit well within those threads.
Leave people to their own devices unless they ask for help?
It isn't your responsibility to make Fab a better experience for the ladies here. That is a bit White Knight-ish and probably puts (some) peoples backs up.
But if he did it your way and only offered advise to individuals who asked for it, then this thread would not have existed. And I for one have enjoyed this thread. He hasn't broken any forum rules.
Mrs"
I enjoy many threads. Part of enjoying threads includes questioning the reasoning or motives of why they get started. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am"
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I would prefer to sit back and laugh. I am a strong believer in people should learn from their own mistakes."
Do you think this "Swingers Support and Advice" section of the forum was created so that we could sit back and laugh at people trying to learn what they are doing wrong? How do these people learn from their mistakes? They send a message it gets deleted. No feedback. Hardly a learning curve. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing |
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|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There are a lot of idiots about, that I agree with.
They stumble around Fab, sending FAF mesages and generally behaving like it is instashag.
Give these guys a template to follow, all they will do is change their gameplan to ensure success. It doesn't change them, how they view women or how they will behave once they have tempted you in with their "charm".
People should be themselves. That way people can make an informed choice about compatibility.
Teaching cavemen to be gentlemen in their opening correspondence builds false expectations. We will eventually end up with threads by women complaining that the chaps were ever so polite in their messages, but still tried to club me over the head and drag me to bed.
Most will no doubt disagree going from the above comments, but people need to reflect who they are, not try and be something they are not just to get a fuck.
have to say this bloke is saying everything i would have said....
in effect.... the OP just gave ever chancer a template.....
1) it makes it harder for everyone to work out who is genuine and who isn't....
2) you just made it a ton harder for the people who do get it and understand to stand out for those who dont....
fab is fine the way it is... because if someone doesn't get it, you know and you can filter!!!!
all this does make "white knights" of people........ "
Please read all my comments. I know its alot to read through.
I hear what you are saying. Its a natural filter.
But this is to suggest that people using the wrong approach are bad people. This isn't necessarily the case. I for one came to this site with misconceptions and got nowhere. I am now either a bad person who became a good person...or... I am exactly the same person, just less ignorant. |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am"
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I would prefer to sit back and laugh. I am a strong believer in people should learn from their own mistakes.
Do you think this "Swingers Support and Advice" section of the forum was created so that we could sit back and laugh at people trying to learn what they are doing wrong? How do these people learn from their mistakes? They send a message it gets deleted. No feedback. Hardly a learning curve."
Granted. And to a point I was generalising. Of course I will give advice occasionally on profiles etc. But consider that I have had messages deleted in the past. I never started a moaning thread. The common denominator was me. Up to me to fix it no one else. I used my own common sense and thought about where I was going wrong.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I'm the sort of person who would go over and ask if they need a hand, not appear ofer their shoulder and say you are doing that wrong.
As you pointed out there are threads galore saying "why can't I get a meet". Your advice would sit well within those threads.
Leave people to their own devices unless they ask for help?
It isn't your responsibility to make Fab a better experience for the ladies here. That is a bit White Knight-ish and probably puts (some) peoples backs up.
But if he did it your way and only offered advise to individuals who asked for it, then this thread would not have existed. And I for one have enjoyed this thread. He hasn't broken any forum rules.
Mrs
I enjoy many threads. Part of enjoying threads includes questioning the reasoning or motives of why they get started. "
Yes I suppose it could add to the discussion as to why an OP was interested or motivated to start a thread. I don't think it's nice to criticise someone for starting a thread.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Way to get the laydeez on side op... shrewd move
I was going to just laugh and say
"Awwww look at all the woman falling for this frankly transparent case of 'look at me ladies i can say all the right things in a public forum, arnt i just so understanding'"
And when you say "i dont mean to be/sound/come across X, Y, or Z"
You may as well add "but im going to power through anyway"
If you don't know me you will probably think I'm "white nighting". Fair enough. Except that I have no motive. If I were to get a legion of lovely ladies offerering to meet them I would have to respond that I don't have time.
Unsolicited advice is by nature patronising. Its telling someone you think you know something they don't. But this post is not unsolicited. It is response to the number of pre-unlos posts saying "I just don't get this site". And the answer is "No you don't".
If this thread just causes one of those guys to try a different approach before he throws in the towel then I'm happy.
The OP is right, he has no need to do this as a look at me, it was a genuine piece of advice. I know him and he has enough willing ladies so it might be worth all those blokes who can't get meets taking a leaf out of his book on how fab works for successful guys
But he equally has no motive to say what he has said as there isnt a rep for all men on the site, nor is this something that directly effects him or someone has called him out for doing it
We share opinions on this and other do as well...but they and i dont feel the need to start a thread on it
Do you feel the OP is wrong for starting a thread on a subject that you personally would not feel the need to start a thread on?
Not saying or stating anyone is right or wrong
Im simply pointing out that other then to virtue siganal and "white knight" he doesnt have any motive to have started this thread, other then to say "oh look at me ladies, look, im a good guy because i started a forum about how respectful i am"
My motive is clearly stated. To SUGGEST to guys are aren't having any luck to try this and see if it works for them.
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I would prefer to sit back and laugh. I am a strong believer in people should learn from their own mistakes.
Do you think this "Swingers Support and Advice" section of the forum was created so that we could sit back and laugh at people trying to learn what they are doing wrong? How do these people learn from their mistakes? They send a message it gets deleted. No feedback. Hardly a learning curve."
Steeper curve when they do ask in swingers support and prodominatly all people do there is shit post regardless of if the guy (because unless its a piss take one, its always a guy) is genuine or not |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs"
Do the site FAQ's not cover most questions? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing"
Not too sure what a white knight is, only to know it's an accusation often thrown about on the forums by some men when another man says something that is favourable to women. I guess the assumption is that the man is being disingenuous? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs"
The quality of the tomatoes is not dependant on the personality or behaviour of the gardener away from the growbag 
Teaching people how to be better gardeners does not stop them being arseholes. You want their produce, not to share their bed afterwards. Training a FAF merchant how to lure people in is nothing like improving your fruit yield.
|
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"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working."
You are correct OP and for me this particularly applies to mature men. DO NOT get overtly sexual with me until I have given you some kind of 'buying signal', a green light, an indication that it is all systems go!!
Push me before I have decided if I fancy you or not and you will simply push me away! ! |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
If you saw someone trying to change a tyre but they were turning the nuts the wrong way you might go over and offer advice. Or.... you might just sit back and laugh at him. Depends what kind of person you are.
I'm the sort of person who would go over and ask if they need a hand, not appear ofer their shoulder and say you are doing that wrong.
As you pointed out there are threads galore saying "why can't I get a meet". Your advice would sit well within those threads.
Leave people to their own devices unless they ask for help?
It isn't your responsibility to make Fab a better experience for the ladies here. That is a bit White Knight-ish and probably puts (some) peoples backs up.
But if he did it your way and only offered advise to individuals who asked for it, then this thread would not have existed. And I for one have enjoyed this thread. He hasn't broken any forum rules.
Mrs
I enjoy many threads. Part of enjoying threads includes questioning the reasoning or motives of why they get started.
Yes I suppose it could add to the discussion as to why an OP was interested or motivated to start a thread. I don't think it's nice to criticise someone for starting a thread.
Mrs"
The forums can be a very none nice place to hang out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs
Do the site FAQ's not cover most questions?"
Well if we all refer to the site FAQ we can cut the forum threads probably by a good third. How boring would that be |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working.
You are correct OP and for me this particularly applies to mature men. DO NOT get overtly sexual with me until I have given you some kind of 'buying signal', a green light, an indication that it is all systems go!!
Push me before I have decided if I fancy you or not and you will simply push me away! ! "
Of course you wait for the signal from him too right? |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs
Do the site FAQ's not cover most questions?
Well if we all refer to the site FAQ we can cut the forum threads probably by a good third. How boring would that be "
Yeah I didn't think that through haha. |
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"I know I'm going to get hammered for giving this advice, but judging by the number of self pitying posts I'm seeing I thought add my two pence...
Guys. Desperation stinks. You don't even need to say or do anything. People sense it on you and drives them away. This will decrease your self confidence and your desperation will get worse. It's a vicious circle.
Now for a suggestion... Try this:
Take sex completely off the table until you have had at least one sign from the person you would to meet that this person is interested in you. Pretend this isn't fab and that the lady you're chatting to is the girl who caught your eye while you were shopping. You wouldn't walk up to her and say something that sounded like an offer for sex. (Well it's not advised!) Fab is absolutely no different. Yes we are all on here with the same common "hobby" but we still all want to be respected and have the feeling that we were "won over" rather than ordered from a catelog.
I don't mean to sound condesending or patronising. I would like to see other guys meet more people and I would like the ladies to have a nicer fab experience."
Yay!!!! A man that gets it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So it seems some believe it is bad form to post general advise about getting a sex/swinging meet on a sex/swinging site. It is also bad for to post advise about growing the best tomatoes on a gardeners forum? Would such advise be considered patronising to fellow gardeners who may or may not be interested in growing tomatos, and may or may not be any good at growing tomatoes. Should advise only ever be given if specifically asked for, and is it wrong to publish general advise aimed at whoever may be interested?
Mrs
The quality of the tomatoes is not dependant on the personality or behaviour of the gardener away from the growbag
Teaching people how to be better gardeners does not stop them being arseholes. You want their produce, not to share their bed afterwards. Training a FAF merchant how to lure people in is nothing like improving your fruit yield.
"
So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum? |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"
But this is to suggest that people using the wrong approach are bad people. This isn't necessarily the case. I for one came to this site with misconceptions and got nowhere. I am now either a bad person who became a good person...or... I am exactly the same person, just less ignorant."
but then i would say to people if they want a idea, how about doing some reading and preperation, rather than thinking with dicks and jumping in both feet first....
the thing is you are in effect saying to tell people to say what most people want to hear.....
if 1 person in lets say 20 does than... you found ya playmates.... if 15 of 20 are saying that.... much harder to whittle down!
if they really need telling what should be a "common sense" thing and treat people as human beings , there is only so much you can do...
i'm all for helping people... rather than giving them a 1000 words... i say "time, patience, basic common sense" they can work out the rest!!!
see, out there there was only one mother theresa and being superman is above your pay grade!!!
see... i think the difference is between nudging them in the right direction and letting them figure it out for themselves..... and spoonfeeding them! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Particularly when as a woman I've said 'no thanks' but I get messages saying I'm missing out because they've got a big cock! Tragic, how am I missing out when I wasn't sexually attracted to them anyway!
I got a message this morning, sent last night saying he was horny, him and his mate would come pick me up for a threesome, as he put it taking turns for a few hours. He's probably surprised I declined his offer lol.
Sometimes I'm almost embarrassed to be part of the male species when I hear these stories.
To say, 'oh you'll be missing out because I've got a big cock'.... god, how pathetic does that sound.
I genuinely can't believe they actually say things like this
It gives you real insight into what type of a person they are. "
Maybe they've had so many ladies ask for a big cock they think we all want one. Same with the flattery and compliments. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is it desperation or mistaken expectations?
Lots of guys believe that for a woman to even be on this site she must be ready to have sex with anyone with no lead up at all.
Playing devil's advocate. When all most of us really want is a casual encounter why is it so important to have a veneer of being courted? Is it so that we can kid ourselves that what we're doing is more "respectable"? What about women who go dogging or to gang bangs and things like that, are they desperate too.
I think it's more saying what the op thinks most ladies want to hear. When I'm meeting I want to know from the get go that whatever happens on fab is purely sexual. I want to see cock. I want to talk sex... I certainly don't want to be wooed. Guess that would make me a desparado?"
And there I was thinking a perfectly composed message would sweep you off your feet.
*removed clothes*
Back to swinging my cock around it is! ( ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What about women desperate for attention? Do you pander to them?"
For woman unless your a complete ad total assclown for no reason, woman on fab get all the attention they want and in many cases too much |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Women can be desperate too"
Not on here and when looking for sex, that's as close to impossible as you can get IMHO.
Some might be desperate in other ways, such as to find a life partner, get a ring on the appropriate finger and have children pronto before that ever louder-ticking bastard known as the biological clock finally chimes the death knell of ever giving birth, but that's a different matter.
In answer to the OP, it's largely well-thought out post you made and a lot of guys have all the sensitivity of a brick to the face, but there is a slight difference to messaging ladies on here and talking to them in the real world. Whilst my opening messages certainly won't cause offence or be sex-saturated, they will usually contain a pinch of it, tastefully woven within... As let's be honest, when a woman reads your message or looks at your profile, I don't believe it's often with a curiosity of what you're like at cooking or whether your interior design taste matches hers.... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"What about women desperate for attention? Do you pander to them?"
I turned down 3 out of my last 4 offers of sex with women because they came across as desperate. For me sex is a fun thing between two people not a substitute for therapy. If fun and pleasure is what a lady is after I'm up for it, but if they just want me for validation then it turns me off like a light. I don't do "sympathy fucks" and I do not know any (although I am sure they exist) women who give "sympathy fucks". |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There are a lot of idiots about, that I agree with.
They stumble around Fab, sending FAF mesages and generally behaving like it is instashag.
Give these guys a template to follow, all they will do is change their gameplan to ensure success. It doesn't change them, how they view women or how they will behave once they have tempted you in with their "charm".
People should be themselves. That way people can make an informed choice about compatibility.
Teaching cavemen to be gentlemen in their opening correspondence builds false expectations. We will eventually end up with threads by women complaining that the chaps were ever so polite in their messages, but still tried to club me over the head and drag me to bed.
Most will no doubt disagree going from the above comments, but people need to reflect who they are, not try and be something they are not just to get a fuck."
absolutely agree... |
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"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working.
You are correct OP and for me this particularly applies to mature men. DO NOT get overtly sexual with me until I have given you some kind of 'buying signal', a green light, an indication that it is all systems go!!
Push me before I have decided if I fancy you or not and you will simply push me away! !
Of course you wait for the signal from him too right?"
Of course, I am primal prey - the most I will ever do without being pursued is express an interest. |
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"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing
Not too sure what a white knight is, only to know it's an accusation often thrown about on the forums by some men when another man says something that is favourable to women. I guess the assumption is that the man is being disingenuous?"
Basically whatever they do men won't win. Its a rare day that a single men are great thread appears |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working.
You are correct OP and for me this particularly applies to mature men. DO NOT get overtly sexual with me until I have given you some kind of 'buying signal', a green light, an indication that it is all systems go!!
Push me before I have decided if I fancy you or not and you will simply push me away! !
Of course you wait for the signal from him too right?
Of course, I am primal prey - the most I will ever do without being pursued is express an interest. "
Yeah ok you won that one lol |
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"Good advice OP.
I got a message last night asking if I'd like to meet for a drink sometime and we agreed an evening next week. So he took your advice...but that wasn't enough once he'd secured the agreement of a drink. He kept messaging tone after time and said come round now. No I'm not a late night dial a shag love. So guess who's now not meeting me for a drink. Some guys just really don't get it "
Yup...chat, chat, chat...'Can we meet for a social then?' 'Sure, that'd be nice' (suggest pub in middle) 'Oh why don't we meet at the pub in my village?'.... |
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"If my suggestion is taken to extreme it loses its validity. But then this can be said of most arguments.
I'm not expecting people on this site to start wooing each other. I'm am just suggesting (Not prescribing. Not criticising those that don't) that you not venture into the subject of sex until you get a sign that the person is interested. If the attraction is there then try stop sex from coming up. I'm simply suggesting an alternative approach if the one you are using isn't working.
You are correct OP and for me this particularly applies to mature men. DO NOT get overtly sexual with me until I have given you some kind of 'buying signal', a green light, an indication that it is all systems go!!
Push me before I have decided if I fancy you or not and you will simply push me away! !
Of course you wait for the signal from him too right?
Of course, I am primal prey - the most I will ever do without being pursued is express an interest.
Yeah ok you won that one lol"
 |
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By *ieman300Man
over a year ago
Best Greggs in Cheshire East |
"
But this is to suggest that people using the wrong approach are bad people. This isn't necessarily the case. I for one came to this site with misconceptions and got nowhere. I am now either a bad person who became a good person...or... I am exactly the same person, just less ignorant.
but then i would say to people if they want a idea, how about doing some reading and preperation, rather than thinking with dicks and jumping in both feet first....
the thing is you are in effect saying to tell people to say what most people want to hear.....
if 1 person in lets say 20 does than... you found ya playmates.... if 15 of 20 are saying that.... much harder to whittle down!
if they really need telling what should be a "common sense" thing and treat people as human beings , there is only so much you can do...
i'm all for helping people... rather than giving them a 1000 words... i say "time, patience, basic common sense" they can work out the rest!!!
see, out there there was only one mother theresa and being superman is above your pay grade!!!
see... i think the difference is between nudging them in the right direction and letting them figure it out for themselves..... and spoonfeeding them!"
Bang on the money. |
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"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing
Not too sure what a white knight is, only to know it's an accusation often thrown about on the forums by some men when another man says something that is favourable to women. I guess the assumption is that the man is being disingenuous?
Basically whatever they do men won't win. Its a rare day that a single men are great thread appears"
I adore single men...I have often thought about starting a thread to explain just what the OP has explained, in fact I'm pretty sure I have done....I am actually a desperate woman - desperate for more men to get it RIGHT!!! I came here to meet people and it really saddens me that most people simply exclude themselves before we have ever met.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
We've gone a bit off track. I'm not reopening the old FAF vs seduction debate (although I have been drawn into it)
Let me put it another way. If a man puts up a post that basically whines about his lack of success on fab, I start wondering if their messages to women don't bear the same negative tone.
I know a guy. Good looking. Fit. Well hung. He has made turning women off into an artform. Women tell me that when he starts talking its this huge hard luck story. It's heavy going and not fun. They nod sympathetically while thinking "somebody shoot me" |
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By *abioMan
over a year ago
Newcastle and Gateshead |
"We've gone a bit off track. I'm not reopening the old FAF vs seduction debate (although I have been drawn into it)
Let me put it another way. If a man puts up a post that basically whines about his lack of success on fab, I start wondering if their messages to women don't bear the same negative tone.
I know a guy. Good looking. Fit. Well hung. He has made turning women off into an artform. Women tell me that when he starts talking its this huge hard luck story. It's heavy going and not fun. They nod sympathetically while thinking "somebody shoot me""
and in that situation my thought to that person would be "you get one chance to make a great first impression! do you thin you are doing that....
make that person think about what they are writing as opposed to telling people they should write "x, y and z" make they work it out for themselves.....
|
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing"
I'd agree wholeheartedly IF anyone (male or female) was doing it for those reasons - in this case I see absolutely no evidence that the OP is doing anything "exclusively for his own benefit" - in fact I'd go so far as to say he's not objectively done anything for his own benefit at all more for the benefit of others.
Now there is a "subjective" argument that he's acted with his own interests at heart as a bi-product of his advice to others, but I don't believe that's consciously the case and if it is then so be it.
As for the argument that by advising others you're creating more "competition" for the "genuine" guys that has been suggested elsewhere - I hold absolutely no truck with that either - after all you can offer advice as to how to improve someone's chances of achieving something but you can't alter the personality of the recipient to such a degree that IF they are the sort that will be abusive/misogynistic etc that it won't come through anyway, but if providing advice helps someone genuine come across better and get meets then it's made threads like this and giving profile advice etc worthwhile. |
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"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing
Not too sure what a white knight is, only to know it's an accusation often thrown about on the forums by some men when another man says something that is favourable to women. I guess the assumption is that the man is being disingenuous?
Basically whatever they do men won't win. Its a rare day that a single men are great thread appears
I adore single men...I have often thought about starting a thread to explain just what the OP has explained, in fact I'm pretty sure I have done....I am actually a desperate woman - desperate for more men to get it RIGHT!!! I came here to meet people and it really saddens me that most people simply exclude themselves before we have ever met. "
Would you want to meet them if they have the attitude towards women that made them behave the way described but learned to conceal it?
I know some men simply misunderstand as I said and after reading advice given genuinely change their outlook. However on fab and in wider society many men and indeed women have little respect for women who enjoy casual sex. I can think of one or two examples that would illustrate this point but discretion forbids me mentioning them.
There are lots of men on fab who get it most of the messages we get are from guys that do. Maybe we're fortunate in that respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"We've gone a bit off track. I'm not reopening the old FAF vs seduction debate (although I have been drawn into it)
Let me put it another way. If a man puts up a post that basically whines about his lack of success on fab, I start wondering if their messages to women don't bear the same negative tone.
I know a guy. Good looking. Fit. Well hung. He has made turning women off into an artform. Women tell me that when he starts talking its this huge hard luck story. It's heavy going and not fun. They nod sympathetically while thinking "somebody shoot me""
if he's honed his technique so well:
a) it'll take more than a few words to break his habit
b) him turning these women off is likely to be protecting them from a less than satisfactory experience
leave him to it... |
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"My problem with white knighting is this
Think of it this way
"If a 'good man' only does good because he fears eternal damnation...well sir that mans a peice of shit"
In short if you do or say objectivly good things simply amd exclusivly for your own benifit...your no better then the people your critisizing
Not too sure what a white knight is, only to know it's an accusation often thrown about on the forums by some men when another man says something that is favourable to women. I guess the assumption is that the man is being disingenuous?
Basically whatever they do men won't win. Its a rare day that a single men are great thread appears
I adore single men...I have often thought about starting a thread to explain just what the OP has explained, in fact I'm pretty sure I have done....I am actually a desperate woman - desperate for more men to get it RIGHT!!! I came here to meet people and it really saddens me that most people simply exclude themselves before we have ever met.
Would you want to meet them if they have the attitude towards women that made them behave the way described but learned to conceal it?
"
I may well not, because it is a matter of 'feel' in my opinion and should be innate. But there may be a few who are just misunderstanding the nature of the site, and I would guess some have a good attitude but have just not acquired the tact lol! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I agree with what you’re saying. And yes men are definitely worse for this kind of thing.
But women also do the same ! Just this morning I’ve had to block a 57yr old woman who kept sending me photos of her saggy arsehole. And yesterday another kept hounding me saying I was “missing out” and then followed up with insults when I said out of my age range.
It’s a two way street. But yeah men are worse. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I agree with what you’re saying. And yes men are definitely worse for this kind of thing.
But women also do the same ! Just this morning I’ve had to block a 57yr old woman who kept sending me photos of her saggy arsehole. And yesterday another kept hounding me saying I was “missing out” and then followed up with insults when I said out of my age range.
It’s a two way street. But yeah men are worse."
It's certainly not a gender specific phenomenon. But unless I am very much mistaken a vast majority on the pre-unlos posts in this forum come from men. That's who this post is aimed at. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I hate the format of these forums, why can't you just quote the bit on post you're replying to or agree/disagree with? "
You can - just delete anything you don't want to quote and leave anything you do between the
""
bits |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
D'oh!! And of course it would help if I didn't cause my post to quote itself!!
PuT anything you want to quote between [*quote] and [*/quote] taking out the *'s that I added so it doesn't do it again!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum?"
I believe advice should be offered when sought.
As already mentioned, putting it in the Help and Advice forum would have been more appropriate.
As I have already said, putting the advice as a response to a plea for help would have been more appropriate.
There are repeat threads complaining about this, that and the other. Shagtonight pops up on most threads with the wise words that patience is key.
Pieman and Fabio also make very valid points across the threads.
For me, fab is a journey of discovery. You have to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise we should all be given templates for profiles, opening messages etc to level the playing field.
I stand by every single comment I have made and if I get blocked in the process, so be it.
I maintain that the original post was patronising. |
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By *ex LutherMan
over a year ago
Closer than you think |
I’ve never sent a message asking for sex and even after chatting and flirting and a meet has been arranged I still go there with the thought I’m meeting a nice person and enjoying their company, I take anything else as a bonus |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum?
I believe advice should be offered when sought.
As already mentioned, putting it in the Help and Advice forum would have been more appropriate.
As I have already said, putting the advice as a response to a plea for help would have been more appropriate.
There are repeat threads complaining about this, that and the other. Shagtonight pops up on most threads with the wise words that patience is key.
Pieman and Fabio also make very valid points across the threads.
For me, fab is a journey of discovery. You have to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise we should all be given templates for profiles, opening messages etc to level the playing field.
I stand by every single comment I have made and if I get blocked in the process, so be it.
I maintain that the original post was patronising."
It's a difficult one. Everybody has different sensitivities. I personally don't find this advise patronising because it wasn't aimed at anybody specifically. Certainly advise should not be forced on an individual, I agree with you there -that would indeed be patronising! This was a guy giving generalised advise to other other guys. But if it were a couple giving generalised advise to other couples as to where they are going wrong, I don't think I would find that patronising, even though I'm part of a couple. I would however find it patronising if they gave me and my husband unwanted personal advise. To me it's whether is personal or generalised as to whether I find it patronising. Which is why it's against forum rules to not give unasked for personal advise, but not against forum rules to given generalised advise to the masses. I personally enjoyed this thread, because as you quite rightly pointed out, various people made some exellent discussion points. I think it would be a shame if this type of thread ceased to be allowed on the forums. But as I said it's a difficult one because some people find it patronising.
Mrs |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum?
I believe advice should be offered when sought.
As already mentioned, putting it in the Help and Advice forum would have been more appropriate.
As I have already said, putting the advice as a response to a plea for help would have been more appropriate.
There are repeat threads complaining about this, that and the other. Shagtonight pops up on most threads with the wise words that patience is key.
Pieman and Fabio also make very valid points across the threads.
For me, fab is a journey of discovery. You have to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise we should all be given templates for profiles, opening messages etc to level the playing field.
I stand by every single comment I have made and if I get blocked in the process, so be it.
I maintain that the original post was patronising.
It's a difficult one. Everybody has different sensitivities. I personally don't find this advise patronising because it wasn't aimed at anybody specifically. Certainly advise should not be forced on an individual, I agree with you there -that would indeed be patronising! This was a guy giving generalised advise to other other guys. But if it were a couple giving generalised advise to other couples as to where they are going wrong, I don't think I would find that patronising, even though I'm part of a couple. I would however find it patronising if they gave me and my husband unwanted personal advise. To me it's whether is personal or generalised as to whether I find it patronising. Which is why it's against forum rules to not give unasked for personal advise, but not against forum rules to given generalised advise to the masses. I personally enjoyed this thread, because as you quite rightly pointed out, various people made some exellent discussion points. I think it would be a shame if this type of thread ceased to be allowed on the forums. But as I said it's a difficult one because some people find it patronising.
Mrs"
It is all about perspective after all. Healthy discussion is good and I have no quarrel with you. It would be dull if everyone agreed about everything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum?
I believe advice should be offered when sought.
As already mentioned, putting it in the Help and Advice forum would have been more appropriate.
As I have already said, putting the advice as a response to a plea for help would have been more appropriate.
There are repeat threads complaining about this, that and the other. Shagtonight pops up on most threads with the wise words that patience is key.
Pieman and Fabio also make very valid points across the threads.
For me, fab is a journey of discovery. You have to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise we should all be given templates for profiles, opening messages etc to level the playing field.
I stand by every single comment I have made and if I get blocked in the process, so be it.
I maintain that the original post was patronising.
It's a difficult one. Everybody has different sensitivities. I personally don't find this advise patronising because it wasn't aimed at anybody specifically. Certainly advise should not be forced on an individual, I agree with you there -that would indeed be patronising! This was a guy giving generalised advise to other other guys. But if it were a couple giving generalised advise to other couples as to where they are going wrong, I don't think I would find that patronising, even though I'm part of a couple. I would however find it patronising if they gave me and my husband unwanted personal advise. To me it's whether is personal or generalised as to whether I find it patronising. Which is why it's against forum rules to not give unasked for personal advise, but not against forum rules to given generalised advise to the masses. I personally enjoyed this thread, because as you quite rightly pointed out, various people made some exellent discussion points. I think it would be a shame if this type of thread ceased to be allowed on the forums. But as I said it's a difficult one because some people find it patronising.
Mrs
It is all about perspective after all. Healthy discussion is good and I have no quarrel with you. It would be dull if everyone agreed about everything "
I once wrote a small bit of advise entitled 'how single guys can tackle the minefield of couples'. I was going to post it on Fab. But then saw a number of advise posts and watched how the OP got slaughtered. So I thought maybe not. My bad |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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The fact that I offered this as a suggestion rather as advice is that its something for people to consider. Ignore it if you think its rubbish. Try it if you think it will improve things. Stop trying it if it doesn't. An experiment if you like.
If people find this patronising it wasn't my intention but I put it up to get people thinking not to make myself popular. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So you feel it's wrong for this type of advise to be posted on the Forum?
I believe advice should be offered when sought.
As already mentioned, putting it in the Help and Advice forum would have been more appropriate.
As I have already said, putting the advice as a response to a plea for help would have been more appropriate.
There are repeat threads complaining about this, that and the other. Shagtonight pops up on most threads with the wise words that patience is key.
Pieman and Fabio also make very valid points across the threads.
For me, fab is a journey of discovery. You have to learn from your mistakes. Otherwise we should all be given templates for profiles, opening messages etc to level the playing field.
I stand by every single comment I have made and if I get blocked in the process, so be it.
I maintain that the original post was patronising."
Thanks for this. I really thought I had posted this in the Swingers Support and Advice section. My bad. I sincerely apologise to anyone I unintentionally irritated.
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