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What would you have done?
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By *rummps OP Man
over a year ago
thanet |
A couple of weeks ago I had a coffee with a local couple (not from this site) with a view to seeing how we got on. You can imagine my surprise, when they arrived, to find that I recognised the lady and was already on nodding terms with her. She works in a shop I use often and I must be honest and admit I’ve thought more than once that “Yes I would, given the chance”
However, after the initial pleasantries and both her and my surprise, the situation got stranger and stranger. She, the lady in question, seemed to clam up and the husband done all the talking. And his talking got more and more aggressive toward his wife or I should say in what he wanted me to do to her.
I won’t go into details but things like “I want to see her get a good hard shagging”, “I want her to scream” and “I want to see this or that done to her.”
Never once did he say “She likes this or that”
I got the distinct impression that she didn’t really want to be there and was being coerced, bullied into the whole situation.
This was more or less confirmed when, after he had mentioned something, I asked her if she liked that idea and she just said “He likes to see it” and smiled sort of thinly!
I as becoming increasingly concerned for this lady but luckily, after about half an hour of just him getting worked up, he gave me an outlet. He said he’d play on part in the sex but just give orders and film.
I told him that I would no way play on those conditions. I don’t take orders and I won’t be filmed. (actually filming doesn’t bother me but it was all I could think of).
I apologised to her. Told her that I was attracted to her but I didn’t do violent sex and I couldn’t play by his rules. Then I left.
Since I have had a nagging feeling that, what if he gave her a hiding afterwards, blaming her for my not playing along? He certainly looked like the type that would.
What would you have done?
_rummps x
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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you could look through the window of the shop...
what you say does sound unpleasent but maybe,(and i hope for her sake it is)it is there thing.maybe her look was because she did recognise you and didnt want to play.
If you do feel that concerned MAN UP and check she,s ok... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"you could look through the window of the shop...
what you say does sound unpleasent but maybe,(and i hope for her sake it is)it is there thing.maybe her look was because she did recognise you and didnt want to play.
If you do feel that concerned MAN UP and check she,s ok..."
^^ exactly
Wolf
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If he is indeed a 'wife beater', then you probably did the right thing. Regardless of your actions if he wanted to beat her he would have and nothing you would have done could have changed it. short of abducting her.
Mrs G's ex husband was abusive. On occasion a friend of hers stepped in to stop her being beaten. But that didnt change the end results.
People like this always have and always will make me sick. But i have learnt they dont like it when a man 'mans up' to them. I see this every time Mrs G's ex comes to get his kid. All bs and bluster by text. Turns up, cant look at me and wont say a work and turns tail like a timid fox.
Dont beat yourself up over it as the only person who can change her potential situation is the woman. She needs to choose not to accept it and get away. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would pop into the shop, on usual business - as you said you freqent said shop often.
Even if notmentioning that particular night it may reassure her that
i] you haven't started to avoid the shop/her
ii] you are actually aman and want to be sure about her welfare, even if only visually |
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"you could look through the window of the shop...
what you say does sound unpleasent but maybe,(and i hope for her sake it is)it is there thing.maybe her look was because she did recognise you and didnt want to play.
If you do feel that concerned MAN UP and check she,s ok..."
This^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ |
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By *rummps OP Man
over a year ago
thanet |
Well I do use the shop but only maybe twice a month (For me that often, I don't do shopping) and its not been 10 days since we met. I know she works Tuesdays so I'll probably pop in then.
And yes I agree that guys like that will change if a man confronts them. I know this from first hand experience.
_rummps x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You said she smiled "thinly' not that she looked scared. It's very difficult to understand the dynamics of peoples relationships.
What you perceive to be "violent" behavior could be foreplay for them. How many of us make assumptions when viewing a couples profile and only the female is shown in various seductive poses and not one of the man?
You're not Sir Galahad! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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have you tridd popping in the shop ...having a word with her and maybe explkaining more about your reasons ? i know it might offend but you might be right about it . personally if it was me in that situation with a couple in front off me i would have to walk away pronto before i got the jail . |
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By *slandcplCouple
over a year ago
canvey island |
A lot "may" depend on their profile! If it indicates that they are a sub/Domme couple this could increase the possibility that they were indulging in some role play. If this was the case, they could and should have discussed and agreed with you the nature of the role play.
on the other hand if the lady as nervous, it "may" explain her demeanour. But, if she was doing this to please him then you did the right thing in walking away from the situation. You could have played a part in subjugating someone who didn't want to be subjugated as well as opened yourself to being charged with rape.
The only chance of you finding out which if any of the above applies is if you see the lady in question and ask her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmmm the only place you see this lady is at her place of work, she's gonna love a stranger walking up to her and questioning her about her relationship dynamics in her place of work.
Its very difficult to get involved in something you don't understand. You are assuming that she is abused but it may be that she was extremely uncomfortable to recognise someone who comes into her place of work, someone who could potentially cause problems for her and someone whom she will have to see again, she can't stop you going into the shop.
Men do get carried away at times with sexual fantasies, I'm generalising here, but the OH will talk about the most outrageous things he'd like me to do whilst swinging. I remember one fantasy was for me to be travelling in a car on a motorway completely naked in the front seat and have everyone in the other cars staring and me jiggling my breasts at them. Now I smile sweetly and say 'yes darling very exciting' but of course I know I will never do it as I'd be arrested within a few miles for lewd behaviour and a conviction is not worth the fantasy for another.
Lots of guys have fantasies about what other guys can do to their wives, some will be explicit, some fantasies will be acted upon but a watered down version of what's gone on in the guys head. Of course women have similar fantasies.
Fantasy holds no bounds whereas real life does.
Of course it could be a nightmare situation where your instincts are spot on. I would suggest just going into the shop and carrying on as normal. Don't single her out or make extra eye contact. Don't try and talk to her about that night. Just act normal. If she feels that you are the only person in the world to help her, she will approach you.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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And how many times have we all said 'he/she looks the type that would .....' Without no basis of truth for that statement. I have said in the past that the actor who played Reg Holdswoth in Coronation Street looks like a sex offender. He looks the type. I'm sure the man isn't and its a very defammatory thing to say about someone with no evidence. People do this all the time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A couple of weeks ago I had a coffee with a local couple (not from this site) with a view to seeing how we got on. You can imagine my surprise, when they arrived, to find that I recognised the lady and was already on nodding terms with her. She works in a shop I use often and I must be honest and admit I’ve thought more than once that “Yes I would, given the chance”
However, after the initial pleasantries and both her and my surprise, the situation got stranger and stranger. She, the lady in question, seemed to clam up and the husband done all the talking. And his talking got more and more aggressive toward his wife or I should say in what he wanted me to do to her.
I won’t go into details but things like “I want to see her get a good hard shagging”, “I want her to scream” and “I want to see this or that done to her.”
Never once did he say “She likes this or that”
I got the distinct impression that she didn’t really want to be there and was being coerced, bullied into the whole situation.
This was more or less confirmed when, after he had mentioned something, I asked her if she liked that idea and she just said “He likes to see it” and smiled sort of thinly!
I as becoming increasingly concerned for this lady but luckily, after about half an hour of just him getting worked up, he gave me an outlet. He said he’d play on part in the sex but just give orders and film.
I told him that I would no way play on those conditions. I don’t take orders and I won’t be filmed. (actually filming doesn’t bother me but it was all I could think of).
I apologised to her. Told her that I was attracted to her but I didn’t do violent sex and I couldn’t play by his rules. Then I left.
Since I have had a nagging feeling that, what if he gave her a hiding afterwards, blaming her for my not playing along? He certainly looked like the type that would.
What would you have done?
_rummps x
"
Tho distessing...I`ve learn`t to think very carefully before interfering in peoples lives...I`m not God, and its not my business..
I`ve charged into similar situations....and made them worse..
There`s to much ambiguity, I wouldn`t know the dynamics properly...
The only person who can change her situation is the woman herself..
Sometimes life is tough...insomuch...we have to bear witness...
The only way to help salve my conscience, if it was really bothering me..would be to visit the shop....and try and make it clear...you are a person she can talk too, and trust..she may need a friend in the future... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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But the OP is not a friend is he, he's just a man who went to meet her in the hope of fucking her. Why would she lay her trust in a person she has met for half an hour.
Yes its often easier for people to talk to strangers about their problems, but there are professionals out there who are better placed to do this, rather than someone who met you wanting sex and can you be 100% sure they have your best interests at heart after a short meeting discussing sex.
Its a hard step for anyone but relationship problems have to be sorted by those directly involved. The only time I would intervene in a strangers relationship dynamics was if I saw them fighting in front of me, then I'd act  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP is not a friend is he, he's just a man who went to meet her in the hope of fucking her. Why would she lay her trust in a person she has met for half an hour.
Yes its often easier for people to talk to strangers about their problems, but there are professionals out there who are better placed to do this, rather than someone who met you wanting sex and can you be 100% sure they have your best interests at heart after a short meeting discussing sex.
Its a hard step for anyone but relationship problems have to be sorted by those directly involved. The only time I would intervene in a strangers relationship dynamics was if I saw them fighting in front of me, then I'd act "
*Nods in agreement*
Can you imagine a total stranger coming into your place of work to inquire whether your old man is roughing you up?  The op is not a friend and is making assumptions on the flimsiest of evidence. |
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Had a situation very similar to this with an ex some years ago, when we were playing with a couple who were running this pub in Leicester. We got pretty d*unk so they offered us a place for the night, and we started playing, it was about half way through that we realised that 1) The guy was filming us even though we told him we didn't want to be be filmed and 2) that the massive bruise on his young wives leg was not in fact caused by her falling over on New Years Eve as had been explained to us earlier, but was in fact down to her arsehole of a husband. By the time we realised this it was too late to go home and we had to ride out what was a really awkward situation.
There wasn't really much we could do about it afterwards, because she walked with us to the coach station the next day, she pretended she hadn't said anything, so it would have been pointless chasing it up, as she never would have said anything to the police. In terms of your situation, you did the right thing but not playing with them for sure. If you want to try and speak to her separately really depends on how far you personally want to get involved in this, that's all you need to ask yourself really. It doesn't sound like your too sure - its your call. Alot of people would have gone ahead with the meet just to have a shag, kind of says a great deal about you that you didn't do that. Would have done the same here. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"But the OP is not a friend is he, he's just a man who went to meet her in the hope of fucking her. Why would she lay her trust in a person she has met for half an hour.
Yes its often easier for people to talk to strangers about their problems, but there are professionals out there who are better placed to do this, rather than someone who met you wanting sex and can you be 100% sure they have your best interests at heart after a short meeting discussing sex.
Its a hard step for anyone but relationship problems have to be sorted by those directly involved. The only time I would intervene in a strangers relationship dynamics was if I saw them fighting in front of me, then I'd act "
Mabye it me...tho I take yer point..it is valid...
Its my experience I guess..colouring my view...
Taking away fear of rejection, is a good place to start in formng a friendshp...a smile and how are you ?..friendships form in that way..
Ive seen a plethora of complusive fixers and hostage takers....co dependent relationships...
It really should rest with the words..
Physician heal thyself...
Ps....its a curio about domestic fights...both parties assailing the supposed saviour....it tells you alot about relationships... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Me personally I wouldnt get involved.
Who needs to be drawn into the lifes of others? Different if it was a close friend or family member, random strangers I met off the net. No thanks.
Go your shopping as normal, but I wouldnt bring it up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He may just be one of them who get of on chating about it all .... and go home after and shag her brains out ... some are like this here ."
That is so very true...
I sort of become enthralled by the chase...the thrill of winning a fair maidens favours...when I was a single chappie..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He may just be one of them who get of on chating about it all .... and go home after and shag her brains out ... some are like this here .
That is so very true...
I sort of become enthralled by the chase...the thrill of winning a fair maidens favours...when I was a single chappie..
"
well sites like this you get all sorts ... and some couples add the spice just chating .. shocking even and i think ... this couple was one of them and the woman just go along with it say very little as she know when it come down to it .... its just his dream.   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"He may just be one of them who get of on chating about it all .... and go home after and shag her brains out ... some are like this here .
That is so very true...
I sort of become enthralled by the chase...the thrill of winning a fair maidens favours...when I was a single chappie..
well sites like this you get all sorts ... and some couples add the spice just chating .. shocking even and i think ... this couple was one of them and the woman just go along with it say very little as she know when it come down to it .... its just his dream. "
Yep...I`ve met a couple...she was the doormat...looking pensive and troubled...and the ultra controlling hubbie, who did all the talking...
It can press emotional buttons..and bring up dilemnas...unbidden and unsettling...creating a conflict inside me...what do I do ?
Its the risk of meeting people who are essentially strangers...we can get thrown a curve ball..
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A couple of weeks ago I had a coffee with a local couple (not from this site) with a view to seeing how we got on. You can imagine my surprise, when they arrived, to find that I recognised the lady and was already on nodding terms with her. She works in a shop I use often and I must be honest and admit I’ve thought more than once that “Yes I would, given the chance”
However, after the initial pleasantries and both her and my surprise, the situation got stranger and stranger. She, the lady in question, seemed to clam up and the husband done all the talking. And his talking got more and more aggressive toward his wife or I should say in what he wanted me to do to her.
I won’t go into details but things like “I want to see her get a good hard shagging”, “I want her to scream” and “I want to see this or that done to her.”
Never once did he say “She likes this or that”
I got the distinct impression that she didn’t really want to be there and was being coerced, bullied into the whole situation.
This was more or less confirmed when, after he had mentioned something, I asked her if she liked that idea and she just said “He likes to see it” and smiled sort of thinly!
I as becoming increasingly concerned for this lady but luckily, after about half an hour of just him getting worked up, he gave me an outlet. He said he’d play on part in the sex but just give orders and film.
I told him that I would no way play on those conditions. I don’t take orders and I won’t be filmed. (actually filming doesn’t bother me but it was all I could think of).
I apologised to her. Told her that I was attracted to her but I didn’t do violent sex and I couldn’t play by his rules. Then I left.
Since I have had a nagging feeling that, what if he gave her a hiding afterwards, blaming her for my not playing along? He certainly looked like the type that would.
What would you have done?
_rummps x
"
if i was concerned i would go past the shop to make sure he/she worked was ok and they was ok but thats me too nice for my own good |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Best thing do is just go look for him and chin him on general principle regardless of weather he as hit her or not as from wht you describe he just sounds like a Twat in general really dont he lol wear a mask so he dont no its you or maybe you could take a m8 along with you to film it and say hope you dont mind dude but this is what I get off on giving bullies a taste of there own medicine and my mates going to film you screaming cos it will show you what it feels like when the tables are turned on you. Then go see how the wife is and tell her to leave the coward
Of course dont take my word for it and try this unless you are sure you can pull it off as he may over power you and bum you or something haha   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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PS I am not in any way shape or form adviseing or condoning violence at all here lol was just having a laugh.
You could just say to your self its nothing to do with me and leave it at that as if you do get involved ot could open up a huge can of worms for you. After all if you do go back into the shop to check on her and shes not ok then what are going to or prepared to do about it?  |
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