FabSwingers.com > Forums > Swingers Chat > Understanding what a Dom is
Understanding what a Dom is
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Why is it when you say your a Dom they immediately assume that your a bully, you want things all your own way , You like rough sex and physically abusive
Nothing could be further from the truth its about giving the person what they want making sure they are safe and having fun .
What are your thoughts on the subject? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
70% of the ‘doms’ on here are men who think ‘ill bend you over and ruin you’ is a turn on, when in fact it’s not. It really, really isn’t. 50 shades of grey has so much to answer for. The amount of messages I receive from ‘doms’ that detail what they’ll be doing to me, no questions asks, is terrifying. Just sexual abuse IMO.
You need a LOT of experience to be a dom, it comes naturally for most true doms (my fuck buddy is a dom, he hasn’t even needed to explain that or discuss it, it’s just who he is) and it makes me feel a bit odd when men my age claim to be a dom.
But most actual dom’s are lovely, the ones I’ve spoken to anyway  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Alot think it's just about sex it's not. it's sexual but doest have to be . It's doesn't necessarily have any pain involved .it's not what people think I prefer the sensation side of Bdsm that doesn't mean I can't do any of the other. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There are several types of doms. You have the ones like me who are really laod back and chill, who are only dom in the bedroom. Then you have the more active doms, but who are also chill. Some however, which I like to refer to as Mr Greys, seem to think they can bully their way to sex, and even try and take a submissive off another dom, because they need to display their domminess |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it."
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Alot think it's just about sex it's not. it's sexual but doest have to be . It's doesn't necessarily have any pain involved .it's not what people think I prefer the sensation side of Bdsm that doesn't mean I can't do any of the other."
Funnily enough, I follow a pro domme on Twitter from the US who has just done a brilliant thread on what she calls the 'no true dominant' meme...
I get that many of us who are doms don't do the 'I'll bend you over and ruin you' schtick, not least because anyone who thinks one good hard fucking is going to ruin someone either doesn't understand the words or has a weird view of human anatomy, but there may be people out there for whom that kind of stuff works. If there are people out there who think being a dom is about being a bully, good luck to them. It's not my job to correct all the world's misunderstandings. Not today, anyway...
So I'm trying to take a 'let it be' kind if approach to sex, even when we get bizarre messages from people who think that either Kaz or me is going to be interested in people who offer to come round and 'breed' her (as if we don't know how contraception works) or who think they can 'ruin' a woman. There is no one true way, no one correct way of being a dom, and some of the dim doms who send us messages that evidence that they can't do joined up thinking may just be somebody else's dreamboat.
Carter |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it.
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free. "
Yes I am looking for one and no I'm not going to ask which ones are free if someone is interested I'd like to hear from them yes but that was never the intention of this thread . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Too many men have read 50 Shades of Grey and think that's what it's all about - just barking orders and getting their own way and being abusive, basically.
I have lost count of the number of 'so-called' doms who have come along being pushy and demanding in the first message. That's not how it works, it took me 18 months of intense discussion and building trust to develop that relationship with my partner. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it."
A rule? Whoooo, mustn't break the rules....
Seriously though, the whole sentence reeks of the slightly weird and stagey aspects of D/s that worry people - if a sub decides to change doms it's nobody's business but the sub's.... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yes if the sub does that's ok. but a Dom is not allowed to approach another doms submissive "
There isn't a Dom's union that enforces the rules or makes sure we all wear leather kilts to formal occasions. I get that you might not want to interact with other doms who don't play by your rules, but that's all they are - your rules.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ast_jjMan
over a year ago
Dublin and London |
"70% of the ‘doms’ on here are men who think ‘ill bend you over and ruin you’ is a turn on, when in fact it’s not. It really, really isn’t. 50 shades of grey has so much to answer for. The amount of messages I receive from ‘doms’ that detail what they’ll be doing to me, no questions asks, is terrifying. Just sexual abuse IMO.
You need a LOT of experience to be a dom, it comes naturally for most true doms (my fuck buddy is a dom, he hasn’t even needed to explain that or discuss it, it’s just who he is) and it makes me feel a bit odd when men my age claim to be a dom.
But most actual dom’s are lovely, the ones I’ve spoken to anyway "
Spot on.  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Yes if the sub does that's ok. but a Dom is not allowed to approach another doms submissive There isn't a Dom's union that enforces the rules or makes sure we all wear leather kilts to formal occasions. I get that you might not want to interact with other doms who don't play by your rules, but that's all they are - your rules."
Not my rules Google it read up and make sure you know the facts before slamming it it's what you call etiquette I don't profess to know it all and I'm still learning so I maybe wrong . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Claiming to know how a sub or dom should act makes me wary.
As I said, negotiate and discuss. It's between the sub and the dom. Not Google, not other subs or doms, not Fifty Shades. Settle on what both or all parties are happy with and maintain active communication. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yes if the sub does that's ok. but a Dom is not allowed to approach another doms submissive There isn't a Dom's union that enforces the rules or makes sure we all wear leather kilts to formal occasions. I get that you might not want to interact with other doms who don't play by your rules, but that's all they are - your rules.
Not my rules Google it read up and make sure you know the facts before slamming it it's what you call etiquette I don't profess to know it all and I'm still learning so I maybe wrong ."
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yes if the sub does that's ok. but a Dom is not allowed to approach another doms submissive "
if the sub is owned and collared then they shouldn't be approaching other Dom's either . it works both ways in the bdsm scene
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I'm more at the extreme side of bdsm .people can knock me for it if they want . i enjoy it and if I'm not harming them then its a free world after all . I like electrics ,needleplay ,fireplay ,body stapling ,sounding and v strict cp . I've been doing it over 35 yearz |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it.
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free. "
‘Owning women’ that’s just ridiculous they think that. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm more at the extreme side of bdsm .people can knock me for it if they want . i enjoy it and if I'm not harming them then its a free world after all . I like electrics ,needleplay ,fireplay ,body stapling ,sounding and v strict cp . I've been doing it over 35 yearz "
The only problem I have with it is you don't know who's online or has been recently for all you know you could be messaging someone who's been left 3 months and you wouldn't know lol I understand it's a privacy thing.
I'm no where near to performing some of them things lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it.
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free.
‘Owning women’ that’s just ridiculous they think that."
At the end of the day in a D/s situation it is in fact the submissive that holds the ultimate power because if she doesn't want it it ain't going to happen. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Wish I'd never started this thread now
Why? Discussion around the subject is interesting and I find it informative.
Nobody is wrong unless they're using bdsm as an excuse for abusing a person.  "
It's people making a mockery of something I enjoy
the main point is for information for those who maybe interested in Bdsm and considering a Dom that's all it wasn't to highlight any rules or specific parts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why is it when you say your a Dom they immediately assume that your a bully, you want things all your own way , You like rough sex and physically abusive
Nothing could be further from the truth its about giving the person what they want making sure they are safe and having fun .
What are your thoughts on the subject?"
Thank you for this you are so right I am a sub and that does not mean I am looking to be smacked around by every swinging dick Christian grey wannabe on fab  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Dom is guy and he thinks he’s really cool, but he’s not, but mostly they wear white shirts mostly with a few buttons undone and his tie is usually lose. But mostly there just men who think there alpha males, when really there just twats and stuff. But some of the women, they like fall for it, but sometimes they don’t. But it’s like really fake and forced. Also, he takes of his belt, I think. Also there was a documentary on it called ‘50 shades ’ Or some shit. Hope this helps X |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Dom is guy and he thinks he’s really cool, but he’s not, but mostly they wear white shirts mostly with a few buttons undone and his tie is usually lose. But mostly there just men who think there alpha males, when really there just twats and stuff. But some of the women, they like fall for it, but sometimes they don’t. But it’s like really fake and forced. Also, he takes of his belt, I think. Also there was a documentary on it called ‘50 shades ’ Or some shit. Hope this helps X"
No idea lol
A Dom has the responsibility of looking out for the safety and well being of his submissive in what ever they do . Trust on both sides is a necessity as well as communication . Many people have the illusion that it's just forcing others to do what you want . Being a Dom is very hard work and requires a lot of concentration whether it be taking wax of with a cutthroat razor or just a plain flogging you have to have your focus on your submissive for any signs you need to stop even if they haven't said anything.
Like I have said before I'm still learning and I maybe wrong about things but one thing I'm not wrong about is the safty of my submissive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why is it when you say your a Dom they immediately assume that your a bully, you want things all your own way , You like rough sex and physically abusive
Nothing could be further from the truth its about giving the person what they want making sure they are safe and having fun .
What are your thoughts on the subject?"
Probably because most of the so called Doms on here are doing exactly that and think that’s what it’s all about.
I’ve lost count of the amount of plastic doms that have messaged me saying they’re a “dom” and want to “slap and pull my hair whilst having rough sex”
They haven’t a clue! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Wish I'd never started this thread now"
Well you have now experienced the reason that some of those interested in BDSM do not have a lot to do with this site.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
There have been and will continue to be interesting BDSM related threads on here that are a source of intelligent conversation about the subject - I think where you went wrong OP was suggesting that someone Google the "rules" and some of your subsequent responses which came across like that's exactly what you had done - now I'm not saying that's wrong, in fact nothing you have said is wrong per se, more the way you've delivered the information perhaps which has come across as a little naive at times.
The thing about BDSM is that beyond the safe, sane, consensual and informed mantra there are no generalised rules - the only ones that exist are those agreed between the two (or more) individuals concerned - and what may work for one relationship may not for another.
For instance your comment about it being a "rule" that Doms do not touch other Doms subs may be good etiquette but it's not a hard and fast rule - there may be some D/s relationships where exactly that is encouraged, or that the sub is "given" to another (with his or her consent of course).
I personally enjoy discussions around BDSM as I find it helps spread the knowledge and as someone with submissive tendencies keeps me informed.
There are of course some who DO see D/s as being all about telling the sub what to do and effectively abusing them - and that's a very dangerous scenario and one which you are quite right to point out |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"There have been and will continue to be interesting BDSM related threads on here that are a source of intelligent conversation about the subject - I think where you went wrong OP was suggesting that someone Google the "rules" and some of your subsequent responses which came across like that's exactly what you had done - now I'm not saying that's wrong, in fact nothing you have said is wrong per se, more the way you've delivered the information perhaps which has come across as a little naive at times.
The thing about BDSM is that beyond the safe, sane, consensual and informed mantra there are no generalised rules - the only ones that exist are those agreed between the two (or more) individuals concerned - and what may work for one relationship may not for another.
For instance your comment about it being a "rule" that Doms do not touch other Doms subs may be good etiquette but it's not a hard and fast rule - there may be some D/s relationships where exactly that is encouraged, or that the sub is "given" to another (with his or her consent of course).
I personally enjoy discussions around BDSM as I find it helps spread the knowledge and as someone with submissive tendencies keeps me informed.
There are of course some who DO see D/s as being all about telling the sub what to do and effectively abusing them - and that's a very dangerous scenario and one which you are quite right to point out "
Thankyou I liked your response I'm not the best at putting down in writing what I really want to say
I think you have put it much better than I ever could have . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *sGivesWoodWoman
over a year ago
ST. AUSTELL, CORNWALL |
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it.
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free. "
Own?! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Sensual domination is the most erotic sexual experience I have enjoyed.
The exchange of trust kink fantasy fun and filth is intoxicating.
But the one key word in all that is trust. Establish that together and both dom and sub are in for a rollercoaster of pleasure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Taking a submissive of another dom is a big no no it's a rule you just don't do it.
I've admined quite a few bdsm chats on kik and you end up seeing it every other week. You even get messages off them asking if you own all the women in group and which ones are free.
Own?! "
For some Dommes/subs "ownership" is a thing agreed between them - either on a 24/7 basis or just for the period of time they are together and is usually more a symbolic thing around "ownership" of the submissives submission rather than the submissive themselves - it doesn't necessarily signify what you think it might, although some D/s (or more commonly Master/slave) relationships do go to that degree - so long as it is agreed between them, and doesn't impact others is the key. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Wish I'd never started this thread now"
Really?
You wanted people to hear your version of being a dom, and your version of how doms should behave. You achieved that. People now also know (if they didn't before) that not all doms agree with you, and that there is a spectrum of dominant behaviour, which subs need to locate their ideal dom on. That can only happen if people negotiate and discuss it. Maybe your certainty about what the rules are is a little misplaced, and maybe you come over as a little too assertive about what's right and wrong, but that's not the worst thing in the world. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Wish I'd never started this thread nowReally?
You wanted people to hear your version of being a dom, and your version of how doms should behave. You achieved that. People now also know (if they didn't before) that not all doms agree with you, and that there is a spectrum of dominant behaviour, which subs need to locate their ideal dom on. That can only happen if people negotiate and discuss it. Maybe your certainty about what the rules are is a little misplaced, and maybe you come over as a little too assertive about what's right and wrong, but that's not the worst thing in the world."
Spot on!
And that negotiation is at the same time part of the fantasy and essential in establishing trust. It’s all about the trust thing, then letting go and playing it out to the full |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Why is it when you say your a Dom they immediately assume that your a bully, you want things all your own way , You like rough sex and physically abusive
Nothing could be further from the truth its about giving the person what they want making sure they are safe and having fun .
What are your thoughts on the subject?
Probably because most of the so called Doms on here are doing exactly that and think that’s what it’s all about.
I’ve lost count of the amount of plastic doms that have messaged me saying they’re a “dom” and want to “slap and pull my hair whilst having rough sex”
They haven’t a clue! "
(Smiles) |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
