FabSwingers.com > Forums > Virus > Has lockdown made you reconsider your life?
Has lockdown made you reconsider your life?
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"You have a wife but you joined a dating site to look for a woman to impregnate?" Without much luck so try a swinger site  | |||
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"Yes it has. Now I can WFH with no need to commute into London I can live and work anywhere I please and I’m v thankful for it. " I think the WFH issue is one of the best things to come out of all this. So many people now able to do this and avoid a horrendous commute.  | |||
"I've been in a 20 year relationship and married for the last five. My wife Sally has two adult children who themselves have four children between them, one a baby. The eldest of my step-grandchildren is a girl of 14 and I have been fond of her. I have been seeing my step-grandchildren aged 7 and 5 every two weeks. All that seemed to change during lockdown when I found myself obliged to live separately to my wife in a single flat. In the absence of regular contact with that family, I felt a really strong longing to have children of my own - a bit of a challenge at the age of 47, but still possible? So I joined a vanilla dating site where I've met one woman so far, but she said our interest were too different. Understandably, the women who I've talked to so far have rather got cold feet when they hear that my life isn't simple and I'm in a state of uncertainty over what my future really is. Would you like to use the frankness of Fab to help me in my situation and also how you've been affected?" What does your wife think? Are you prepared to give up your current family for a baby? What about fostering? | |||
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"Don’t do it! It’s just a phase! Give it a year or so and you will think differently! " a year with a baby that doesn't sleep will certainly make you think differently  | |||
".. So I joined a vanilla dating site where I've met one woman so far, but she said our interest were too different. Understandably, the women who I've talked to so far have rather got cold feet when they hear that my life isn't simple and I'm in a state of uncertainty over what my future really is. Would you like to use the frankness of Fab to help me in my situation and also how you've been affected?" Seeing so many people lose loved ones and a friend whose daughter has been brain damaged has reminded me how precious my family is and how lucky we are to have (so far) got through this only financially impacted. I'm living life pretty normally on the surface but have changed inside. Maybe I've finally grown up, I dunno. I've become the boring old bastard that has stopped partying, avoids the pub, wears a mask, and wishes others would too, to get this damn virus gone ASAP. My frank advice would be to stop looking for something else, at least until you know for sure that you've given your marriage your very best shot. You owe that much to a woman who has given you 20 years and undoubtedly will have had her own challenges along the way. Lockdown has been an unsettling time for a lot of people and may not be the best time to be making life-changing decisions. As for dating sites, I doubt VERY much that these women have "cold feet". It sounds like damn good judgement on their part NOT to get involved with someone in your circumstances. The healthy order of events should be: 1. Figure out, with your wife, what is right for you and your family first. Take as much time as this needs. 2. If that is to split, then do so in as caring and considerate way as possible 3. HAVE TIME ALONE to get life re-balanced and find your own stability again as an individual. 4. Have casual hook ups if need be, but be clear with yourself and her/him/them that you're not up for "relationship" yet. Keep your private business private, to spare you, your wife and family from (potentially) a succession of strangers and bunny-boilers being brought into it. 5. Move on to dating, if and when the time comes and you have something stable and wholesome to offer to a new relationship. If not, repeat 3 & 4. 6. Share with THIS person, more of what you're about. Make it clear in the earlyish days that you may be hoping to have children someday, that you are bisexual, and all the other compatability/getting to know each other issues. Listen to what she needs/wants/hopes for too, and judge whether you can genuinely be that man 7. Build a stable, loving and secure relationship and home, with open communication, trust and friendship 8. Consider having children Honestly mate, give yourself time and scope to get through the crazy times then tackle the rest in the right order. It'll make for a much happier outcome in the long term. | |||
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"If you have a good bond with your step children then obviously they see you as a member of thier family unit. At your age would you really want to have a baby. I'm not having a go at your age but I'm 42 and the last thing I would want is to have my life turned upside down by the arrival off a baby. Its a weird scenario, and to be honest I'm probably the last person you should take advice from. "My Dad was 47 when I was born and 49 when my brother was born. I was his first child. His age has never been an issue in my life, its just meant getting involved in the caring side of things when I'm about 10yrs younger most people caring for a parent in their early 80s. I'm 34, I'm not a child, so I can help my Dad. I don't want to comment on the minutae of the OPs situation otherwise. | |||
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"Yesterday I felt a jolt when I went to someone's house and saw the pics of their son or daughter on their wedding day accompanied by pics of their subsequent children. The feeling was hard to describe." The biological pull to reproduce is very strong. | |||
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"I've been in a 20 year relationship and married for the last five. My wife Sally has two adult children who themselves have four children between them, one a baby. The eldest of my step-grandchildren is a girl of 14 and I have been fond of her. I have been seeing my step-grandchildren aged 7 and 5 every two weeks. All that seemed to change during lockdown when I found myself obliged to live separately to my wife in a single flat. In the absence of regular contact with that family, I felt a really strong longing to have children of my own - a bit of a challenge at the age of 47, but still possible? So I joined a vanilla dating site where I've met one woman so far, but she said our interest were too different. Understandably, the women who I've talked to so far have rather got cold feet when they hear that my life isn't simple and I'm in a state of uncertainty over what my future really is. Would you like to use the frankness of Fab to help me in my situation and also how you've been affected?" . I guess you have to get pen and paper and do the old pro’s and con’s of becoming a father in his late 40’s.Are you comfortable with the fact that when you child becomes a adult at 18 you will be 65 at least.As your child is growing up how will you feel taking them to school or when school friends visit and they think you are the child’s grandparent how will your child feel.When you are in your 80’s and your child is in there 30’s they may end up been your carer are you comfortable with that will your child be comfortable with that.Also please don’t think me been harsh but there is a possibility your child could resent you have having them so late in life or god forbid but you passed away before your child gets to 10 how do you think that will effect your child.No can tell you what to do it’s something you have to figure out and decide for yourself and it will not be a easy decision but whatever you decide I wish you happiness. | |||
"Yes it has. Now I can WFH with no need to commute into London I can live and work anywhere I please and I’m v thankful for it. I think the WFH issue is one of the best things to come out of all this. So many people now able to do this and avoid a horrendous commute. "Some big companies are now telling staff to get back to work. | |||
"I've been in a 20 year relationship and married for the last five. My wife Sally has two adult children who themselves have four children between them, one a baby. The eldest of my step-grandchildren is a girl of 14 and I have been fond of her. I have been seeing my step-grandchildren aged 7 and 5 every two weeks. All that seemed to change during lockdown when I found myself obliged to live separately to my wife in a single flat. In the absence of regular contact with that family, I felt a really strong longing to have children of my own - a bit of a challenge at the age of 47, but still possible? So I joined a vanilla dating site where I've met one woman so far, but she said our interest were too different. Understandably, the women who I've talked to so far have rather got cold feet when they hear that my life isn't simple and I'm in a state of uncertainty over what my future really is. Would you like to use the frankness of Fab to help me in my situation and also how you've been affected?. I guess you have to get pen and paper and do the old pro’s and con’s of becoming a father in his late 40’s.Are you comfortable with the fact that when you child becomes a adult at 18 you will be 65 at least.As your child is growing up how will you feel taking them to school or when school friends visit and they think you are the child’s grandparent how will your child feel.When you are in your 80’s and your child is in there 30’s they may end up been your carer are you comfortable with that will your child be comfortable with that.Also please don’t think me been harsh but there is a possibility your child could resent you have having them so late in life or god forbid but you passed away before your child gets to 10 how do you think that will effect your child.No can tell you what to do it’s something you have to figure out and decide for yourself and it will not be a easy decision but whatever you decide I wish you happiness." I was/am that child. I'm 34, my dad is early 80s. It's fine. No one ever had anything to say about my dad's age at school. The fact my dad needs help now has nothing to do with my age. It'd be an equally hard thing whether I was 34 or 44. I get on with it, along with my parental responsibility for a 3yo and almost 18yo. | |||
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"I've been in a 20 year relationship and married for the last five. My wife Sally has two adult children who themselves have four children between them, one a baby. The eldest of my step-grandchildren is a girl of 14 and I have been fond of her. I have been seeing my step-grandchildren aged 7 and 5 every two weeks. All that seemed to change during lockdown when I found myself obliged to live separately to my wife in a single flat. In the absence of regular contact with that family, I felt a really strong longing to have children of my own - a bit of a challenge at the age of 47, but still possible? So I joined a vanilla dating site where I've met one woman so far, but she said our interest were too different. Understandably, the women who I've talked to so far have rather got cold feet when they hear that my life isn't simple and I'm in a state of uncertainty over what my future really is. Would you like to use the frankness of Fab to help me in my situation and also how you've been affected?. I guess you have to get pen and paper and do the old pro’s and con’s of becoming a father in his late 40’s.Are you comfortable with the fact that when you child becomes a adult at 18 you will be 65 at least.As your child is growing up how will you feel taking them to school or when school friends visit and they think you are the child’s grandparent how will your child feel.When you are in your 80’s and your child is in there 30’s they may end up been your carer are you comfortable with that will your child be comfortable with that.Also please don’t think me been harsh but there is a possibility your child could resent you have having them so late in life or god forbid but you passed away before your child gets to 10 how do you think that will effect your child.No can tell you what to do it’s something you have to figure out and decide for yourself and it will not be a easy decision but whatever you decide I wish you happiness. I was/am that child. I'm 34, my dad is early 80s. It's fine. No one ever had anything to say about my dad's age at school. The fact my dad needs help now has nothing to do with my age. It'd be an equally hard thing whether I was 34 or 44. I get on with it, along with my parental responsibility for a 3yo and almost 18yo. " . It’s good to hear that you have a positive experience and fair play to you for choosing to share in your previous post. It sounds like you are a credit to your father and a good role model to your children.Hopefully now your positive experience will help the OP to come the the decision that is right for him. | |||
"I'm aware of the possibility of being told to wait some way away from the school gates to avoid embarrassment... I've heard of that before..." . It’s good that you have thought about how your child will feel and not just what you want.As I said earlier do a pro’s and con’s list by all means ask for thoughts / opinions on the subject sometimes though too many opinions can end up confusing.Ultimately it’s a decision that you will have to make along with the child’s mother.Best of luck with whatever you decide. | |||
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